Just in case you hadn't noticed, dearest bloggerisationisms reader, that there winter has very much arrived at The Stately Telly Topping Manor Plague House (and, elsewhere). And it's bloody freezing.
Now we have the long-awaited news that another series of From The North favourite The Sandman is coming to Netflix, dear blog reader, we are starting to get a picture of what (and whom) we can expect to see when the fantasy series returns. Neil Gaiman announced in a video which was shown at the Comic Con Experience in Brazil that the fan-favourite character Delirium (Morpheus's youngest sister) will be arriving. Which, if they are doing the Season Of Mists storyline next - as both Neil and producer Allan Heinberg have previously indicated - we all knew anyway. 'We have things coming for you in season two,' Neil said in the video. 'We have more members of The Endless coming, including the youngest member of The Endless. Don't tell anybody, but it's Delirium! There will be butterflies, there will be balloons, there will be magic, there will be chicken and telephone flavoured ice cream.' The final moments of the series one finale saw Lucifer (the majestically wonderful From The North favourite Gwendoline Christie) scheming against Morpheus after being humiliated during the protagonist's earlier trip to Hell. That set the stage for the Season Of Mists story - the fourth volume of The Sandman comic (as they've already done the first two and half of the third in series one). Season Of Mists, of course, begins with an Endless family dinner, which marks Delirium's first appearance in the comic (and, that of older brother Destiny, for that matter). It stands to reason, therefore, that a similar scene will take place in the TV series; something which, again, both Neil and Heinberg have previously alluded to. So none of this is, exactly, 'news', Entertainment Weekly! Delirium was always depicted as a petite young woman with colorful hair and rather tatty clothes. With dominion over psychosis and hallucination, she often acts charmingly weird herself. Aspiring actors who believe they fit that description might be tempted to follow Mason Alexander Park's example and tweet directly at Gaiman about their interest in the role, but that's probably not a good idea. 'I'm getting deluged by people who would like to play Delirium in season two of Sandman,' Neil grumbled in November, grumblingly. 'We haven't started casting yet. Lucinda Syson is the Sandman casting director. I'm not going to look at anyone who doesn't come [to me] through her, I'm afraid.' During the Comic Con panel, attendees were also treated to a deleted scene between Morpheus (Tom Sturridge) and Death (Kirby Howell-Baptiste) from the series best episode so far, The Sound of Her Wings, where Death reveals that she broke her routine and took a day to feel what it was like to be alive. And, how she reacted to herself when the moment of her 'death' arrived. If you're wondering when (or if) that clip is going to see the light of day, Neil made it clear that he's not in the know on that particular score, tweeting 'That's Netflix's [problem], not mine.' 'We told the first four hundred pages of a three thousand-page arc in the first ten episodes,' Neil explained during an interview with Variety when he was asked how long he thought The Sandman could, potentially, run for. 'So there's a kind of a "you do the math" on that. But then the other answer is, how long is a piece of string? What we know that we would like to do, in a perfect world, as long as the audience is there and ... people want it, is we want to tell the whole story that went through to The Wake. And, after that we want to tell Sandman: Overture and somewhere in there, possibly, even as a special or whatever, we'd love to do things like The Dream Hunters. We quite probably weave the stories that are in Sandman: Endless Nights into the body of the whole. What is nice is we have the entirety of Sandman to draw on.' He continued, 'We also have the Death books. It might be great to go off and do one of those as a sideline, in addition to which, anybody who has seen Sandman episode three has sidled over to us at some point or other in the last six months and said: "Do you think there's any possibility that we could do a Johanna Constantine show with Jenna Coleman?" And, oh my God, she's a star and you just want to see her going through battling demons and destroying other people's lives. So that's in there, too. We can keep going on this for a long time to come. But this isn't us going, it's eight seasons exactly and then out - or five seasons and out. We want to tell the story. Which feels wonderfully familiar for me because when I was writing Sandman, people go, "So how long does Sandman go?" And I'd [say] "I don't know, maybe issue fifty?" And I'd be at issue fifty and [say] "I don't know, issue seventy five, maybe?" But when you get there, there's still be more story to tell after that.'
Russell Davies has, reportedly, confirmed that series fourteen of Doctor Who, which has now begun filming, will be eight episodes long and will include the return of an annual Christmas episode in 2024 (although whether it will go out on Christmas Day or not has yet to be confirmed). Russell has also stated that - no doubt due to the shorter series lengths than when he was first showrunner - this will mean the return of annual Doctor Who series with no more gap years. 'It takes a while to get the empire in shape,' Big Rusty is quoted as saying by the Doctor Who Magazine. 'But that's a serious plan: annual Doctor Who, no gap years, lots of content, on and on.'
A couple of recent From The North bloggerisationisms have had quite a bit of fun with the - let's be brutally honest here - faintly ridiculous abject shite that the Daily Mirra regularly publishes in relation to From The North favourite Doctor Who. However, in the interest of balance, it is worth this blogger noting that the Mirra is not the only Red Top organ of the media with an almost unsurpassed record of absolute cock-and-bull-shite when it comes to the BBC's popular, long-running family SF drama. Especially, concerning 'exclusives' which claim to reveal the casting of the next Doctor. Whilst the Mirra, notoriously, gave us allegations of Kris Marshall and Hugh Grant being forthcoming occupants of one particular interplanetary craft, that well-known bastion of always truthful and accurate reportage, the Sun also has considerable form in grabbing the wrong end of the stick and, if you will, beating about the bush with it. Take this amusing collection of 'revelations' from the Currant Bun over the last few years. One of these days, dear blog reader, the Mirra, or the Sun, or indeed the Daily Scum Express (another well-known serial offender when it comes to this sort of malarkey) may, actually, get one of these casting allegations correct. And, do so before a couple of days prior to the announcement when, as we've previously noted, the identity of the new Doctor may have already leaked beyond a handful of people at the BBC. At which point, one imagines, they will be every bit as surprised as everyone else. As the Gruniad Morning Star proves every so often, even a broken clock can be right twice a day.
All of which, inevitably, leads us to Memorably Daft Double-Entendres In Episodes Of Doctor Whom (1963-2022). Number Sixteen: The Robots Of Death.
Which, as it happens, featured in this on-going, popular semi-regular From The North feature in the very week this story hit the news. That was, perhaps, inevitable in the wild and wacky world of From The North, dear blog readers.
Memorably Daft Double-Entendres In Episodes Of Doctor Whom (1963-2022). Number Seventeen: The Dalek's Master Plan.
Memorably Daft Double-Entendres In Episodes Of Doctor Whom (1963-2022). Number Eighteen: The moment that the late, great Rodney Bewes first read the script for Resurrection Of The Daleks.
Memorably Daft Double-Entendres In Episodes Of Doctor Whom (1963-2022). Number Nineteen: Four To Doomsday.
Memorably Daft Double-Entendres In Episodes Of Doctor Whom (1963-2022). Number Twenty: The Seeds Of Doom.
Memorably Daft Double-Entendres In Episodes Of Doctor Whom (1963-2022). Number Twenty One: An entirely accurate summation of The Twin Dilemma in but three words.
Actually, on reflection, this blogger reckons he, personally, could do it in but two words. One, in fact, if you drop 'absolute'.
Memorably Daft Double-Entendres In Episodes Of Doctor Whom (1963-2022). Number Twenty Two: Frontios.
Memorably Daft Double-Entendres In Episodes Of Doctor Whom (1963-2022). Number Twenty Three: Rose.
Memorably Daft Double-Entendres In Episodes Of Doctor Whom (1963-2022). Number Twenty Four: That's easy for you to say, Lalla. Warriors' Gate.
This blogger, incidentally, does recall that some years ago when he interviewed the very excellent Stephen Gallagher and asked, specifically, about that particular line, Stephen denied all responsibility for it. Paging, therefore, Mister Bidmead. You have ten seconds to justify yourself or we may have to set another bunch of killer robots loose.
Memorably Daft Double-Entendres In Episodes Of Doctor Whom (1963-2022). Number Twenty Five: The 1996 Doctor Who TV Movie.
This blogger's most excellent fiend Ben also put in a nomination for the TV Movie's second most wonderfully daft exchange. 'Oh man, you kill me.' 'You want me to kill you?' Which, this blogger noted, would also have been Keith Telly Topping's second choice. This blogger particularly loves the genuinely confused look on Eric Roberts' face when he said it.
Memorably Daft Double-Entendres In Episodes Of Doctor Whom (1963-2022). Number Twenty Six: Time & The Rani. And so say all of us.
From which, of course, we arrive at Memorably Daft Lines from Blockbuster War & Espionage Movies of the 1960s and 70s (or, In This Case, 1983): Number Eighty Two: Rutger Hauer: 'What you've just witnessed is, in many ways, a life-sized video game. You saw a liar talk to a killer and you couldn't tell them apart. But hey, it's only television. As you may know, television programmes are just the filler between attempts to steal your money!' The Osterman Weekend.
Memorably Daft Lines from Blockbuster War & Espionage Movies of the 1960s and 70s (or, In This Case, 1942): Number Eighty Three: Noel Coward: 'It's just Bovril ... Heavily laced with sherry!' In Which We Serve.
Memorably Daft Lines from Blockbuster War & Espionage Movies of the 1960s and 70s: Number Eighty Four: Donald Pleasence: 'He knew my name and he knew the name of this department. Both of these things imply serious breaches of security.' The Black Windmill.
Memorably Daft Lines from Blockbuster War & Espionage Movies of the 1960s and 70s: Number Eighty Five: Martim Balsam: 'Then can we use their names?' Dustin Hoffman: 'No.' Jason Robards: 'Goddammit, when is somebody going to go on the record in this story? You guys are about to write a story that says the former Attorney General, the highest-ranking law enforcement officer in this country, is a crook! Just be sure you're right!' All The President's Men.
Memorably Daft Lines from Blockbuster War & Espionage Movies of the 1960s and 70s: Number Eighty Six: Eunice Gayson: 'When did you say you had to leave?' Sean Connery: 'Immediately. Almost immediately.' Doctor No.
Memorably Daft Lines from Blockbuster War & Espionage Movies of the 1960s and 70s (or, In This Case, 1943): Number Eighty Seven: Roger Livesey: 'The Kaiser spoke. And the Prince of Wales spoke ...' Deborah Ker: 'Spoke about what?' Roger Livesey: 'Nobody could remember!' The Life & Death Of Colonel Blimp. Another bloody masterpiece.
Memorably Daft Lines from Really Shit War & Espionage Movies of 1982: Number Eighty Eight: Tony Doyle: 'When the SAS is called upon to do what we're trained to do, we have been likened to a surgeon cutting out a cancer. It's a filthy and difficult job. We don't like doing it, but it's our duty.' Who Dares Wins. A genuine contender for the worst film ever made.
Memorably Daft Lines from Blockbuster War & Espionage Movies of the 1960s and 70s (or, In This Case, 1956): Number Eighty Nine: Michael Gough: 'I'm sorry, the book says I must wait three months before I can initiate the procedure for hastening new issue.' Kenneth More: 'Fine! We'll send Göring a telegram and ask him not to come over for three months!' Reach For The Sky.
Memorably Daft Lines from Blockbuster War & Espionage Movies of the 1960s and 70s (or, In This Case, 1957): Number Ninety: Adolphe Menjou: 'It would be a pity to lose your promotion before you get it. A promotion you have so very carefully planned for.' Kirk Douglas: 'Sir, would you like me to suggest what you can do with that promotion?' Paths Of Glory.
Memorably Daft Lines from Blockbuster War & Espionage Movies of the 1960s and 70s: Number Ninety One: James Mason: 'By the way, Stachel, there's an impression around that you care more about your unconfirmed kill than you do about Fabian's death.' George Peppard: 'Perhaps it's force of habit. In the trenches, we couldn't even bury the dead; there were too many of them. I've never had the time to discuss them over a glass of champagne.' The Blue Max.
In preparation for the second series kicking off last weekend, this blogger re-watched the first, six-episode, series of Slow Horses (number forty five in From The North's fifty two best TV shows of 2022) before moving on to the first two episodes of series two. God that Gary Oldman is terrific!
Of course, it is always vitally important to remember the following.
This blogger's fine fiend, David, felt that Slow Horses should, in fact, have been much higher than number forty five in the From The North best fifty two of 2022 and said so. Forcefully. Which Keith Telly Topping respects. Through gritted teeth, admittedly. This blogger noted that, once you get past about number ... fifteen or so in the From The North awards list, then the specific numbering has far less relevance than the fact that shows are in the fifty two at all. For example, taking the most recent From The North TV shows of the year awards, The Sandman is number one because it was, by a considerable distance, this blogger's favourite TV drama not just of the year but, possibly, of the Century so far. The Man Who Fell To Earth was number two because, until The Sandman, came along, that would have been number one. Pistol was number three because - unlikely Mister Ronnie Rotten, seemingly - this blogger thought it was pure-dead effing superb! Ditto Peaky Blinders at four. Et cetera. The Power Of The Doctor made number nine because it was, indeed, one of this blogger's ten favourite episodes of anything all year. Once you get down into the late teens onwards, however, Keith Telly Topping tended to review and/or justify things pretty much as he remembered them. So, because the first series of Slow Horses crossed this blogger's radar early in the year, it didn't get recalled until later in the process of writing the bloggerisationisms than, say, The Lazarus Project which was twenty places higher because it was broadcast six months later in the year. The two could, just as easily, have swapped places and it wouldn't matter. It is, dear blog reader, a bit like being nominated for an Oscar; it's the fact that you get the nomination and who else is on the list that is important rather than where you actually finish. That's Keith Telly Topping's story, dear blog reader and he's sticking to it. He then suggested to his fiend David that, as noted in the awards list bloggerisationism in question, if he disagreed with any of the placings in that particular list, he was free to start his own blog and do this own awards in any order he so wished. Such is The Whole of The Law.
A man has been extremely arrested on suspicion of 'common assault with an egg' after one was reportedly thrown in the direction of The King. The alleged incident, which is clearly no yoke, occurred whilst The Artist Formerly Known As Prince Chas was on a short, informal walkabout in Luton town centre on Tuesday. Bedfordshire Police said that a man in his twenties had been detained and was in custody. The monarch was said to have been 'steered away from crowds' by his security staff before continuing to meet members of the public who were not armed with an offensive egg. The latest incident comes just mere weeks after a twenty three-year-old student (and, presumably, Gruniad Morning Star reader) was extremely arrested after eggs were thrown at both the King and the Queen Consort during their visit to York. Bloody idiots. Eggs are expensive these days and, in some shops, restricted to two boxes per customer. Just think, those two egg-throwers could, instead, having whipped up a right tasty omelette with their items of displeasure.
Rishi Sunak - who is the Prime Minister for this week, apparently - has claimed that he was 'shocked' (and, presumably stunned) to read allegations about the Tory peer Baroness Mone, adding it was 'absolutely right' that she is no longer attending the House of Lords. One or two people even believed him. The peer is currently 'taking a leave of absence' amid claims that she benefited - to the tune of a shitload of tax-payers wonga - from a firm that she recommended for a government Covid contract. Asked about the allegations at Prime Minister's Questions, Sunak said Mone 'no longer has the Conservative whip.' One wonders if she's tried looking down the back of the sofa, that's where lost things often are. A spokesperson for the peer said: 'Baroness Mone's legal team are dealing with this witch-hunt situation.' Witches everywhere told her to stop being offensive. Downing Street said not having the Tory whip was 'an automatic consequence' of Mone requesting a leave of absence from the Lords. Mone has been linked to PPE Medpro, which 'won' (allegedly) government contracts worth two hundred and three million knicker to supply masks and medical gowns to the NHS during the pandemic, after she (allegedly) recommended this firm to ministers. An investigation in the Gruniad Morning Star based on allegedly leaked documents alleged that Mone had 'financially benefited' from the company. The Lords' standards watchdog is investigating the peer over her alleged involvement in alleged procuring of alleged contracts for PPE Medpro, although this has, allegedly, been paused 'while the matter is under investigation by the police or another agency as part of a criminal investigation.' The Baroness, of course, denies any wrongdoing whatsoever. The government has committed to releasing documents to MPs surrounding the award of contracts to PPE Medpro, after Labour won a vote in the Commons on Tuesday.
One of the, then, government ministers to whom Baroness Mone allegedly recommended PPE Medpro, former (alleged) Health Secretary Matt Hancock has said that he will not be standing as an MP at the next general erection. Because, like as not, he'd lose. His announcement came as some local party members said claimed that he was 'not fit to represent' them. Or, indeed, to shovel shit from one place to another. In a letter, the West Suffolk Conservative Association president urged Chief Whip Simon Hart not to re-admit Hancock as a Tory MP. Hancock was suspended from the party for joining I'm A Z-List Former Government Minister Desperate To Get My Boat-Race On TV ... Please Vote For Me To Stay Here As Long As Possible (I'll Even Eat Kangaroo Anus If You Want) and is currently an independent MP. Announcing his decision not to stand at the next erection, Hancock claimed that he had 'discovered a whole new world of possibilities which I am excited to explore.' Signing on for Universal Credit, for example. He added that politicians need to find 'new ways to reach people' outside Parliament. He concluded his letter by saying it had been 'an honour to serve in Parliament and represent the people of West Suffolk.' Responding to the news, the Liberal Democrats said Hancock should stand down as an MP immediately. 'He's clearly not interested in the job anymore and would rather make money on reality TV shows than represent the people of West Suffolk - his constituents deserve better than a part-time MP chasing fame and fortune.'
A self-proclaimed prophet in the US had more than twenty wives, some of them younger than eighteen, the FBI has said. Samuel Rappylee Bateman claimed it was 'God's will' for him to engage in sexual acts with his multiple wives. As defences in a court of law go, 'God told me to do it' really isn't very high up on the recommended list. Bateman was charged in September with destroying records and extremely obstructing justice in an investigation into whether children were being transported across state lines for the purposes of sexual activity. The details come from an FBI affidavit filed on Friday. Bateman was a former member of a branch of the Fundamentalist Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints - a breakaway sect of the Mormon church - until he left to start his own splinter-splinter group. Splitter. The FBI claimed that Bateman was supported financially by male followers who also gave up their own wives and children to be Bateman's wives. He punished followers who did not treat him as a prophet, the FBI added. In August, Bateman was arrested when he was discovered hauling a trailer with three young girls aged between eleven and fourteen. He posted bond but was, later, arrested on the charges of destroying records and obstructing justice. Earlier this year, nine girls were removed from Bateman's care by Arizona child services and placed in group homes. In November, eight of them ran away from the homes. Washington state authorities tracked them down when an officer reportedly spotted a vehicle driven by one of Bateman's wives, according to the affidavit. The driver and two other of Bateman's wives have been accused of kidnapping in an ongoing criminal case.
Spanish Cardinal Antonio María Rouco Varela criticised the controversial Synodal Way of the German Catholic Church, noting that The Devil will not defeat the resurrection of Christ. Asked to comment on this claim, Lucifer Morningstar said that he was currently in training for The Big Match and was confident he could get one over on The Son Of God. And that if it went all the way to penalties, he'd fancy his changes even more. Rouco, who is the archbishop emeritus of Madrid, made his remarks during a course on canon law at the University of Navarra focused on Praedicate Evangelium, the apostolic constitution issued by Pope Frankie reforming the Roman Curia.
Masturbation is good for your health, from aiding sleep to relieving pain according to the Yahoo! Life website. This blogger is, frankly, astonished that anyone was ever in any doubt about this matter. Plus, it's jolly good fun, too.
Meanwhile, dear blog reader, December has, officially, arrived.
Nevertheless, it is vitally important to remember but one thing above all else when it comes to this very month.
Thank you, Saint Nod. And, on that bombshell, England will meet France in the World Cup Quarter-Finals on Saturday after an impressive demolition of Senegal at Al Bayt Stadium on Monday. Gareth Southgate's side survived a nervy opening in which goalkeeper Jordan Pickford made an outstanding save from Boulaye Dia to eventually run out convincing winners with a powerful display of attacking strength. Jude Bellingham was England's star man, setting up the first goal for Jordan Henderson with a perfect cross after thirty eight minutes then having a hand in the second on the stroke of half-time, combining with Phil Foden as captain Harry Kane powered home his first goal of the tournament. It left Kane just one behind Wayne Rooney's all-time record of fifty three England goals and he has the perfect stage in Qatar to write a fresh page in the history books. Foden was the creator once more as England wrapped the game up in the fifty seventh minute, crossing for Bukayo Saka to show great awareness and touch to flick a delicate finish past Senegal's goalkeeper Edouard Mendy. It capped the perfect night for coach Southgate, who opted to restore Saka and keep faith with Foden, leaving out Marcus Rashford despite his two goals in the previous win over Wales. Raheem Sterling was not considered as he had returned to the UK to deal with 'a family matter,' subsequently revealed to have involved a burglary at his family home.
With twenty minutes to go and England's winning three-nil, this blogger was absolutely bustin' for a wee-wee, dear blog reader. But, he was too nervous to leave The Stately Telly Topping Manor Plague House armchair and go to the lavvy just in case England did something daft like concede four goals whilst he was away. Stranger things have happened. Despite the eye-watering potential damage to his kidneys, he held on till the final whistle. The relief, at that point, was immense. And, this blogger isn't talking about the England/Senegal result.
Has anyone else noticed the song that the Japanese fans at the World Cup seem to have been singing from the first minute to the last at every game they've been involved in appears to be a dead ringer for the chorus of Primal Scream's 'Come Together'? Just this blogger then? It's the Denise Johnson 'cuh-ah-uhm/too-ge-th-ah' bit if you're curious. This blogger has had that going through his head every game Japan have played. And, much as this blogger loves the song in question, he is nevertheless somewhat relieved that Japan disastrously lost their Round Of Sixteen penalty shoot-out against Argentina so that he can reclaim the song for Bobbie and the boys (who are, of course, ahem, 'big in Japan'). And, he can file away his copy of Screamadelica and not have to play it again until a more appropriate time. Next summer, probably.
From fitba to clicky and the following illustration of just how the England test side's fortunes have taken a significant turn for the better these last few months since Ben Stokes took over the captaincy from Joe Root at the start of the summer. Which of course, culminated in this week's extraordinary victory in the first test in Pakistan. The |Miracle Of Rawalpindi was in a game which, in any other era of the sport, would have ended in a tame draw on a lifeless pitch. But Stokesy and Brendon McCullum had other ideas.
The latest From The North Headline Of The Week Award goes to LBC News.
Which leads us, with the tragic inevitability of the tragically inevitable, to that part of From The North dedicated to this blogger's on-going medical malarkey. Or, strictly speaking, several malarkeys. For those dear blog readers who haven't been following this on-going fiasco which appears to have been on-going longer than Methuselah, it goes like this: Keith Telly Topping spent some weeks around New Year feeling rotten; experienced five days in hospital; was discharged; received B12 injections; then more injections; somewhat recovered his missing appetite; got an initial diagnosis; had a consultant's meeting; continued to suffer fatigue and insomnia; endured a second endoscopy; had another consultation; got (unrelated) toothache; had an extraction; which took ages to heal; had another consultation; spent a week where nothing remotely health-related occurred; was given further B-12 injections; had an echocardiogram; received more blood extractions; made another hospital visit; saw the insomnia and torpor continue; received yet more blood tests; had a rearranged appointment for his sick note; suffered his worst period yet with the fatigue. Until the following week. And, then the week after that. Oh, the fatigue, dear blog reader. The depressing, ceaseless fatigue. He had a go on the Blood-Letting Machine; got another sickie; had an assessment; was given his fourth COVID jab; got some surprising news related to his assessment; had the results of his annual diabetes check-up; had another really bad week with the fatigue; one with the sciatica and one with the chronic insomnia.
The great Alun Owen probably didn't actually invent the word 'grotty' when he wrote his script for A Hard Day's Night in 1964. The term - a shortened form of 'grotesque' - had, apparently, already been part of Merseyside slang vocabulary for a few years prior to that. But Owen was - via George Harrison's deliciously dry delivery of it in the movie - the first person to push it into wider public usage. This blogger mentions all this because, a) he likes the etymology of words (particularly if there's a pop culture association) but, also b) because sadly, yer actual Keith Telly Topping is, himself, feeling pure dead grotty at the time of writing. For those taking notes, he's aal full of the snot, a-coughin' and a-barkin' and a-scratchin' and feeling, generally, like a puddle of noxious phlegm. You may now be sympathetic if you like, dear blog readers. Or not. This is, after all, a democracy.
Anyway, what with it currently snowing outside The Stately Telly Topping Manor Plague House that is, most definitely, this blogger done for the week. He's got everything he needs within arms reach.
