Another week, dear blog reader, another From The North bloggerisationism update. The appearance of which is, for two reasons, frankly something of a minor miracle. The first one is explained, at some length, below. The second is that this blogger remains still knee-deep in pulling together the forthcoming Keith Telly Topping Presents ... The From The North TV Awards (2022) update. Which he might have got finished in about a week or so, but then again, he might not. Because every time he thinks he's got the final 'Best & Worst Of' lists sorted, he remembers something he'd forgotten which needs to be included. Mostly, admittedly, in the latter category - the 'Best Of' list has been pretty much nailed down since mid-October.
Anyway, this blogger is very most indebted to his lovely Facebook fiend Jan who wrote to him to express her gratitude for this blogger having quoted her - at length - during the last bloggerisationism update. Specifically concerning the subject of the BBC/Disney+ Doctor Who distribution deal. 'It's dead scary when I'm the voice of reason. It also proves my MS in TV/film [hasn't] been in vain for nothing,' Jan noted. With regard to the whole 'being the voice of reason' thing, this blogger could merely reply: 'Think how I feel!'
Doctor Who's budget for the next series could be as high as ten million knicker per episode. Or, the gross national product of a small Third World country, in other words. Broadcast reports that with the Disney+ distribution deal now confirmed, each series could cost one hundred million quid in total (suggesting, they claim, a ten-episode run). They state: 'Broadcast has spoken to a number of scripted sources who have estimated that the show's existing one-to-three million smackers per episode budget could triple to circa-ten million notes as the global SVoD strikes up a creative partnership with the BBC from 2023. The expectation is that both parties are keen to turbocharge the BBC Studios show as Russell T Davies and Bad Wolf prepare to take creative control, with Ncuti Gatwa as the time-travelling Doctor. One individual with knowledge of the deal said that it is an "incredibly exciting" time for the franchise, while another added that the ramping up of production values could help it break into the mainstream in the US. "Beyond the hardcore fans, Doctor Who has never quite became a broad appeal show there," he said. "But with the right investment on Disney+, Russell has a bigger blank piece of paper to really do something different." Spin-off series are also anticipated, building on the likes of Torchwood and Sarah Jane Interferes, generated during Davies previous tenure on the show. Although this amount wouldn't match fantasy/sci-fi juggernauts like Stranger Things, House Of The Dragon and The Rings Of Power (which are said to cost between twenty and fifty million knicker per episode), it would be a big leap for Doctor Who. Certainly, the highest budget the show has ever had and could lead to some much-improved CGI. Perhaps even employing the Virtual stage tech used on shows like The Mandalorian/Boba Fett, which allows alien planets to really come to life.' So, no more alien spaceships made from papier mâché and Sticky-Back Plastic®™ then? Tragedy. (Not that there have been any example of those since about 1980 but, you know, public perceptions and all that.)
The news has also been picked up by the Daily Scum Mail, the Daily Mirra and lots of other media outlets, the majority of whom one would trust about as far as one can, comfortably, projectile vomit. Meanwhile, according to Wired UK (no, me neither), Doctor Who Needs To Get Over Itself. So, that's you told, Doctor Who. You need to 'get over yourself.' Apparently. Not sure exactly how you do that, but one is sure Wired UK (no, me neither) will be able to advise you on the method you should use to complete their suggested course of action.
Then, there's this shocking news.
When The Doctor regenerated (or, should that be degenerated) from Wor Geet Canny Jodie Whittaker back into national heartthrob David Tennant at the end of The Power Of The Doctor, not only did the face of The Doctor change, but so did his clothes, which never usually happens during a regeneration. Well, not since 1966 anyway. However, Rusty Davies has addressed the anomaly, revealing that he was 'absolutely certain that the clothes would regenerate' with Tennant's return. And, since he wrote that scene, you can probably take his word for it. Speaking to Doctor Who Magazine, Big Rusty said: 'I was very certain that I didn't want David to appear in Jodie's costume. I think the notion of men dressing in "women's clothes", the notion of drag, is very delicate. I'm a huge fan of that culture and the dignity of that, it's truly a valuable thing. But it has to be done with immense thought and respect. With respect to Jodie and her Doctor, I think it can look like mockery when a straight man wears her clothes. To put a great big six-foot Scotsman into them looks like we're taking the mickey.' He added that he worried a scene in which Tennant's Doctor wore Jodie's outfit would be printed in newspapers 'for the rest of time. If they can play with gender in a sarcastic or critical way, they will,' he added. 'We could have The Doctor dressed as a knight, or dressed as God, or dressed as William Hartnell and the only photo they'd print would be of David in what they considered to be "women's clothes."' The incoming showrunner feared that the moment would be 'weaponised' and used to mock feminine traits and drag culture.
The latest issue of the Doctor Who Magazine is on sale this very week, dear blog reader. As usual, it is available from all good newsagents. And, some really bad ones as well.
The Radio Times (which used to be run by adults) has claimed that the Doctor Who production team held 'secret' companion auditions in September. So secret, in fact, that Radio Times (which used to be run by adults) knows all about them.
From The North favourite Neil Gaiman loves to interact with fans of his work, so it has been increasingly interesting to see him doing so during the run of The Sandman on Netflix. Particularly his frequent slapping down of crass, numbskull right-wing gammon-faced shitbags accusing him of wokery into the gutter along with all the other turds. Now that the acclaimed adaptation has been renewed for a second series - you did know about that, dear blog reader? It was in the news and everything - 'fans are wondering what is going to happen with characters from the graphic novel that we've yet to meet on screen,' according to Collider. Because, obviously, a) they asked all fans if that was what they were wondering and they all answered 'yes, it is' and b) Collider didn't get the memo which states that only slappable Middle Class hippy Communist vegan quiche-eaters call comics 'graphic novels'. As previously discussed on this blog, even Neil Gaiman himself is down on that particular ludicrous conceit. Good, now we've got those important points sorted out, we should allow Collider to continue. 'One of those characters is Delirium. Gaiman, who is very popular on Tumblr, was asked "Have the castings started yet for the new Sandman season? (Just curious, not trying to pull a Mason)"' which was, of course, an allusion to Mason Alexander Park who, famously, 'threw themselves into the casting pool on social media and landed the role of Desire.' Yes, this blogger fully realises this article appears to have been written by an over-excited twelve-year-old, in crayon, but, never mind, it does contain some adult content (all of it written by Neil Gaiman himself, admittedly). Neil reportedly responded to this query, saying: 'Not yet. We only got officially properly confirmed this week.' But, he did gave his readers a bit of insight into casting process and how, perhaps unsurprisingly, putting oneself up for a particular role in the series is unlikely to get you the part if you're not, actually, an actor. No shit? And this, at least, according to Collider, seems to constitute 'news.' Neil added that he was looking forward to casting Delirium (the youngest - and oddest - of Morpheus's siblings). 'As a reminder to everyone out there who wants to act, "I'm a lot like Delirium in real life" is not the hard-sell casting slam-dunk many of you seem to think it is,' he continued. 'If you're going to be in The Sandman you need to be an actor, you need to have credits, we need to know not only that you're brilliant but that you're also reliable and that you know how to act for TV - can you do the same scene two dozen times and still say the lines every time as if this is the first time you've ever said them? Can you be funny and break people's hearts at the same time?' The Bleeding Cool website also reported this story. Which, whilst it contained essentially the same quotes from Neil, was a considerably better-written piece than Collider's.
Screen Rant was another website to pick up on these Gaiman comments with the thigh-slappingly hilarious headline The Sandman's New Episodes Could Feature Delirium, Teases Neil Gaiman. Okay, Grant Hermanns (for, t'was he wot writ it), firstly that isn't a 'tease'; a tease would be Gaiman saying, 'Delirium in the next series? Hmm ... dunno. Possibly. Wait and see.' Secondly, both Neil Gaiman and Allan Heinberg have previously said in interviews that at least part of the next series of The Sandman, in the event of it being commissioned, would be an adaptation of Season Of Mist; a story which begins with a family dinner for The Endless and was Delirium's first appearance in the comic (issue twenty one). Given that in Gaiman's initial comment following the announcement of Netflix's The Sandman recommission included the line 'now it's time to get back to work. There's a family meal ahead, after all,' one would tend to conclude that the inclusion of the word 'could' in your header, Screen Rant, is, perhaps, just a touch over-cautious. 'Almost certain to' appears to be a better alternative.
There are, of course, also a whole bunch of crassly speculative articles on what series two of The Sandman may to contain by the way of adapted storylines and who might feature in it; like this one at the National World website, for example. Normally, this blogger is infuriated by this sort of thing, based on absolutely no solid information whatsoever (note how the answer to just about every question posed in the article is 'it's way to early to tell yet.' Again, no shit?) But, since this blogger has already been guilty of something similar himself in the last From The North bloggerisationisms update, he is feeling far more charitable than usual.
And, speaking of Mister Gaiman, he has recently posted some interesting details about next year's second series of Good Omens, which you can read here.
So to this blogger's beloved The Be-Atles (a popular beat combo of the 1960s, you might've heard of them). They released a new record in the very week of this blogger's birthday in late October. Which was jolly nice of them to think of him when they were putting together the Revolver box-set.
Especially as the very first record that yer actual Keith Telly Topping was bought was for his third birthday, exactly fifty six years earlier, to the day. This one, in fact. Nice bit of symmetry there.
Revolver, then? A big, broad, massive, hard and heavy package, so it is. On several levels. And lo, it is, also, Fab.
This week's From The North Headline of The Week Award goes to the Grimsby Telegraph for Beatles-Mad Fan Touring Their Old Haunts Saw John Lennon In A Pint Of Beer. No, you didn't, you very silly man! And, again, this rank horseshit constitutes 'news', seemingly.
On a somewhat related theme, dear blog reader. In 1970, when Doctor John Winston O'Boogie MBE (returned) did his notorious interview with that disgraceful Middle Class hippy Communist Jann Wanker of the always-up-its-own-arse Rolling Stain magazine, amid his astonishing rants about his genius not being recognised by his teachers or his aunt and calling the hapless Mister McCartney just about every name under the sun, Lennon was - in theory, at least - supposed to be plugging his latest LP. You know, the one in which a thirty year old multi-millionaire who lives in Stately Lennon Manor and owns a bloody record company, whinges about what a rotten life he's had. So, during the course of the interview, when Mister Wanker managed to get a word in edgeways, he asked about the lyrical reference to the Fifth of November in the song 'Remember'. Of course, dare one suggest that maybe Mister Wanker could've done a bit of 'research' beforehand to find out the significance of that particular date in British history. But, he was an American so, what do you expect? Anyway, he asked the question 'What is the Fifth of November?' To which Lennon certainly should have replied 'the day after the Fourth of November,' in a 'How did you find America? 'Turned left at Greenland' A Hard Day's Night-stylee. Instead he actually replied: 'In England, it's the day they blew up The Houses Of Parliament so we celebrate by having bonfires every Fifth of November, Guy Fawkes Day. Haven't you ever heard of Guy Fawkes? I thought it was just poignant that we should blow up The Houses Of Parliament.' All of which proves that Doctor John Winston O'Boogie MBE (returned) knew as much about English history as he did about Walruses. Y'see you should've stuck in at Quarrybank Grammer, young man, you might've learned something. The Fifth of November is not when we celebrate 'blowing up parliament,' it is when we celebrate 'not blowing up parliament'! A necessary difference, one feels. Although, admittedly, in the years since he did his interview (particularly the last decade), one could suggest that Lennon's slightly warped version of English history might've, actually, been preferable to what really went on there in 1605. Remember that, dear blog reader, when you've got the loud whizz-bang of fireworks disturbing your kip any time from Mid-October through the Early-November each year.
Also ...
All of which leads us, with the inevitability of the inevitable, to the part of From The North dedicated to this blogger's medical malarkey. For those dear blog readers who haven't been following this on-going fiasco which appears to have been on-going longer than someone using the words 'pseudopseudohypoparathyroidism', 'floccinaucinihilipilification' and 'hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia' in one sentence whilst, simultaneously, suffering from 'hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia' (the abnormal fear of long words), it goes like this: Keith Telly Topping spent some weeks around New Year feeling rotten; experienced five days in hospital; was discharged; received B12 injections; then more injections; somewhat recovered his missing appetite; got an initial diagnosis; had a consultant's meeting; continued to suffer fatigue and insomnia; endured a second endoscopy; had another consultation; got (unrelated) toothache; had an extraction; which took ages to heal; had another consultation; spent a week where nothing remotely health-related occurred; was given further B-12 injections; had an echocardiogram; received more blood extractions; made another hospital visit; saw the insomnia and torpor continue; received yet more blood tests; had a rearranged appointment for his sick note; suffered his worst period yet with the fatigue. Until the following week. And, the week after that. Oh, the fatigue, dear blog reader. The depressing, ceaseless fatigue. He then had a go on the Blood-Letting Machine; got another sickie; had an assessment; was given his fourth Covid jab; got some surprising news related to his assessment and had the results of his annual diabetes check-up. Which, actually, weren't as bad as both he and his medical team had feared given that he's barely been out of The Stately Telly Topping Manor Plague House - medical appointments and some necessary shopping, aside - for most of 2022.
Nevertheless, as noted in the last bloggerisationism update, this blogger felt it beholden upon his self to apologise both to his Facebook fiends and to you all, dear blog readers, for the lack of much interaction over the last couple of weeks. Just one - much shorter than usual - bloggerisationism update celebrating the announcement of the renewal of The Sandman and trying, manfully, to calm the fek down the more heedbanging end of Doctor Who fandom over the Disney+ distribution deal. And, seemingly, failing. Even by this year's bargain basement standards, Keith Telly Topping was feeling really low during the last days of October and the start of November. It was the usual fatigue and lethargy, of course. Plus his intermittent sciatica playing up something wicked. Normal service would be resumed once this blogger had got his shit together and stop feeling rotten, it was promised. That, sad to report, has taken quite a bit longer than expected.
This wasn't helped in the slightest by Keith Telly Topping having been told (not asked, told) to attend a (non-medical) appointment last week, only to get there and discover the office where it was to take place was closed and in darkness. And then, after this blogger got home, furious and all of a right kerfuffle, finding a message on his ansaphone from the person that he was supposed to be seeing, cancelling the appointment. Sent, get this dear blog reader, exactly one minute before the appointment was due to take place (at 10am). To say that ice formed on the upper slopes of yer actual Keith Telly Topping's incandescent temper at that moment would be putting things ... entirely accurately.
Anyway, Tuesday of this week was this blogger's first time out of The Stately Telly Topping Manor Plague House for nine days (due, almost exclusively, to the sciatica). This blogger badly needed to get some stuff done, however, so he limped to the bus stop, got the number twelve and did Byker (big-style). There were stops at ASDA, Greggs, the Bank, the Post Office, Morrisons and the Phone Shop at the top of Shields Road. Because the old Stately Telly Topping Manor Plague House mobile had only been and gone and become extremely deaded. In no small part, due to the battery being both crap and, seemingly, unreplaceable. Therefore, long live the new Stately Telly Topping Manor mobile phone. It's the same number as previously for the six people that this blogger has revealed it to. Keith Telly Topping's own safety means nothing, dear blog reader, but the innocent must be protected. Note, the new phone's screen was very smudged within minutes of him getting it out of the box and it wasn't even done powering up at that stage.
It took a bit of subsequent fiddling, but this blogger appears, touch wood, to have managed to export most of what was on the old Stately Telly Topping Manor Plague House phone over to the new one (which, for a complete and utter technophobe like this blogger was, he reckons, a bit of result). And, it takes much better selfies than the old model, too (albeit, it's a selfie of, you know, this blogger so it's never going to be worthy of hanging in The National Portrait Gallery). Well cheer up y'miserable sod! (Bona-fide Excuse, dear blog reader: This blogger's back was pure dead knackin' by that stage and he was floating around the gaff in something of an Ibuprofen haze. That's his story and he's sticking to it. Incidentally, Keith Telly Topping is quite impressed that he managed to, quite unintentionally, rock the (difficult to achieve) Robert Freeman/With The Be-Atles/Half-In-Shadow thing. If he'd tried to do that, he'd've failed miserably. It also should be noted that this blogger's fiend Peter noted: 'This is my favourite picture in this set. It is clearly you going "what does this button on the camera app do?"' To which this blogger replied, truthfully: 'You will not be surprised to know that was exactly what I was doing!'
Also, thanks are considerably due to this blogger's fiend Lee whom, upon this blogger mentioning his bad back on his Facebook page, was in like a shot with this piece of sage advice to those suffering from such a condition from The Toy Dolls. As soon as Keith Telly Topping wrote a variant of 'Eya, me back's knackin', dear blog reader, he had a feeling it was only a matter of time before that turned up.
Then, there was lunch. Sausage and/or chips. A soft bread bun. Barbeque sauce. And, a nice cup of Rosie. Oh yes. If you're wondering, dear blog reader, following that Keith Telly Topping was totally done for the week.
Plus, this was Us Dinner at The Stately Telly Topping Manor Plague House sorted for the folowing couple of days. 'That's a canny piece of meat,' Our Maureen Telly Topping noted. 'Managed to cook it without any major incident,' replied this blogger (probably about five minutes overdone, but certainly not enough for him to have to call in the fire brigade). So far, it's done this blogger three square meals with a bit left over for sandwiches.
Sad to report that although the current inflammation of his sciatic nerve has, slightly, reduced the searing neurological pain both in the lower lumber, Keith Telly Topping's right hip and down the back of both of his (considerable) thighs, most of his other on-going medical issues (the fatigue in particular) remain the same as normal. That, dear blog reader, is what one ninety minute visit to half-a-dozen shops to get in the necessary weekly Stately Telly Topping Manor shopping does to this blogger these days. Still, it could be worse. Not sure how, exactly, but this blogger is fairly sure it's a vague possibly.
And on that bombshell, now we have the return, after an absence of one From The North bloggerisationism update, of everyone's favourite semi-regular on-going feature, Memorably Daft Lines from Blockbuster War & Espionage Movies of the 1960s and 70s: Number Fifty Eight: Tiana Alexandra-Silliphant: 'Shoot him!' James Caan: 'He happens to have a gun at your head.' Tiana Alexandra-Silliphant: 'You wouldn't shoot an eighteen year old girl. Would you?' Robert Duvall: 'You bet I would!' The Killer Elite. Enjoyably mental O-T-T nonsense (particularly the kung-fu sequence) although, by all accounts, Sam Peckinpah had very little to do with the movie that finally emerged.
Memorably Daft Lines from Blockbuster War & Espionage Movies of the 1960s and 70s: Number Fifty Nine: John Mills: 'Grant us victory, O Lord. Before the Americans get here.' Oh! What A Lovely War.
Memorably Daft Lines from Blockbuster War & Espionage Movies of the 1960s and 70s: Number Sixty: Roger Moore: 'Where's Fekkesh?' Milton Reid: 'Pyramids!' Roger Moore: 'What a helpful chap!' The Spy Who Loved Me.
Memorably Daft Lines from Blockbuster War, Espionage & Assassination Movies of the 1960s and 70s: Number Sixty One: Michael Auclair: 'Will you do it?' Edward Fox: 'Yes.' David Swift: 'How much?' Edward Fox: 'You must understand that this is a once-in-a-lifetime job, whoever does it can never work again.' David Swift: 'How much do you want?' Edward Fox: 'Half-a-million. In cash. Half in-advance, half on-completion.' David Swift: 'Half-a-million francs?' Edward Fox: 'Dollars.' David Swift: 'Are you mad?' Edward Fox: 'Considering you expect to get France in return, I'd have thought it a reasonable price!' The Day Of The Jackal. This blogger actually prefers the novel but, that said, the movie's pretty good too. Although it is a bit difficult to take Eddie Fox seriously as an assassin.
This blogger particularly enjoyed the late John Sessions doing a brilliant impression of Fox on Qi ('it's gew-ing to cost yew a lodd of mon-aye') where John observed that Fox was the only man in history with a bicep in his face!
Memorably Daft Lines from Blockbuster War & Espionage Movies of the 1960s and 70s: Number Sixty Two: Saaed Jaffrey: 'Ootah say take your pick. He have twenty three daughters.' Sean Connery: 'Those are his daughters? Why the dirty old beggar!' Michael Caine: 'Now, now Danny. Different countries, different ways. He's only being hospitable according to his lights. Billy, tell him one's as pretty as the next and we cannot choose.' Saaed Jaffrey: 'Ootah say he also have thirty-two sons if you are liking boys.' Michael Caine: 'Tell him he makes my gorge rise; tell him!' Sean Connery: 'Now Peachy, different countries, different ways!' The Man Who Would Be King. A total bloody masterpiece.
Memorably Daft Lines from Blockbuster War & Espionage Movies of the 1960s and 70s: Number Sixty Three: Robert Redford: 'Why?' Max Von Sydow: 'I don't interest myself in "why". I think more often in terms of "when", sometimes "where". Always "how much"!' Three Days Of The Condor. (This blogger's fiend David suggested that 'the film was the "fifty per cent off" version of the novel!')
And, following one of this blogger's favourite movies, The Man Who Would Be King, Memorably Daft Lines from Blockbuster War & Espionage Movies of the 1960s and 70s (Or In This Case, 1946): Number Sixty Four: John Longdon: 'This is the universe. Big, isn't it?' A Matter Of Life & Death. Which is, of course, the greatest film ever made by anyone. Ever. Bar none.
To quote this blogger's excellent fiend, Nick (via Richard Attenborough's character in the movie), 'It's heaven, isn't it?' This blogger thought Mister Powell and Mister Pressberger done great.
Memorably Daft Lines from Blockbuster War & Espionage Movies of the 1960s and 70s: Number Sixty Five: Werner Bruhns: 'No one wants to read about Jews.' Jon Voight: 'They were Germans!' Werner Bruhns: 'They were German Jews.' The Odessa File.
A terrific film and not, merely, for an early appearance by From The North favourite the late, much-missed, Mary Tamm.
Memorably Daft Lines from Blockbuster War & Espionage Movies of the 1960s and 70s: Number Sixty Six: Nicola Pagett: 'You're going to stand there, pointing your guns a few feet from Heydrich, in full view of his escort?' Martin Shaw: 'We'll never get away with it.' Timothy Bottoms: 'It's the only place.' Nicola Pagett: 'It's suicide!' Operation Daybreak.
Another terrific, hugely under-rated Lewis Gilbert film with a great cast - despite Anton Diffring being at least fifteen years too old to play SS-Obergruppenführer Heydrich.
Memorably Daft Lines from Blockbuster War & Espionage Movies of the 1960s and 70s: Number Sixty Seven: James Mason: 'I've never held your appetites against you. The unaddicted shouldn't blame the addicted.' Harriet Andersson: 'How can you be so aggressive about your job and so gentle about me?' James Mason: 'I've always thought that being aggressive was the way to ... keep my job and being gentle was the way to keep you. Well, I've lost my job, haven't I?' The Deadly Affair.
A little bloody gem of a movie. One which this blogger's fiend Paul considers: 'One of the best George Smiley adaptations.' Even though, technically, it isn't because they had to change the character's name due to rights issues. But, yes, it is. 'It certainly captures the sleazy side of the intelligence service,' added this blogger's fiend, Jackie. 'One of Mister Mason's best performances. He improved with age.'
Memorably Daft Lines from Blockbuster War & Espionage Movies of the 1960s and 70s: Number Sixty Eight: Omar Sharif: 'One of them is a ... murderer.' Philippe Noiret: 'Only one? But murder is the occupation of Generals.' Omar Sharif: 'Then let us say what is admirable on the large scale is monstrous on the small. Since we must give medals to mass murderers, why not give justice to the small ... entrepreneurs?' Night Of The Generals.
The appearance of which led to a lengthy - and, frankly, profitable - Facebook discussion on whether this was the only movie featuring two Blofelds. It isn't, of course. The Greatest Story Ever Told featured Max Von Sydow and Telly Savales and You Only Live Twice, like Night Of The Generals, included both Donald Pleasence and Charles Gray. And, Diamonds Are Forever has ... two Charles Grays! Thanks to this blogger's fiends Paul and Gary for their contributions to the discussion.
Memorably Daft Lines from Blockbuster War, Espionage & Conspiracy Movies of the 1960s and 70s: Number Sixty Nine: Earl Hindman: 'Can I buy you a drink, miss? You know there for a moment, I thought you were a man. But you aren't are you?' Warren Beatty: 'No, I'm a girl.' Earl Hindman: 'Why don't you go right over there and tell those people that? Real loud.' Warren Beatty: 'Don't touch me unless you love me! ' The Parallax View.
Memorably Daft Lines from Blockbuster War & Espionage Movies of the 1960s and 70s: Number Seventy: Ilse Steppat: 'Is anything ze matter, Sir Hilary?' George Lazenby: 'Just a slight stiffness coming on. Due to the altitude, no doubt!' On Her Majesty's Secret Service.
Also, this week saw the start of a, concurrent, new semi-regular From The North feature. Memorably Daft Double-Entendres in Episodes Of Doctor Whom (1963-2022). Number One: The King's Demons.
Memorably Daft Double-Entendres In Episodes Of Doctor Whom (1963-2022). Number Two: A surprisingly frank admission from The Curse Of Peladon.
Memorably Daft Double-Entendres In Episodes Of Doctor Whom (1963-2022). Number Three: A rather harsh assessment of Inferno, this blogger feels. Personally, Keith Telly Topping thought it was great.
Memorably Daft Double-Entendres In Episodes Of Doctor Whom (1963-2022). Number Four: Carnival Of Monsters. Although, of course, if you actually speak Polari, this one's more of a single-entendre.
Memorably Daft Double-Entendres In Episodes Of Doctor Whom (1963-2022). Number Five: The Highlanders.
This blogger is not sure that he's ever had a really nice dream which has lasted as long as three months. But, seriously, he really does need to wake up now. After all, there's school tomorrow ...
Leicester City midfielder James Maddison has been included in England's twenty six-man squad for the forthcoming World Cup in Qatar. Gareth Southgate has also picked The Scum's Marcus Rashford and this blogger's beloved (and now, mercifully, sold) Magpies in-form striker Callum Wilson, Sheikh Yer Man City full-back Kyle Walker and The Arse's defender Ben White. But AC Milan centre-back Fikayo Tomori, Brentford striker Ivan Toney and West Hamsters United forward Jarrod Bowen missed out. England face Iran in their World Cup opener on 21 November. They are joined in Group B by Welsh Wales and the United States of America. Sheikh Yer Man City midfielder Kalvin Phillips, despite only recently returning from two months out with a shoulder problem, is also in the squad, as is centre-back Harry Maguire, who has struggled to get a game for The Scum this season. The full England squad is: Goalkeepers: Jordan Pickford (Everton), Nick Pope (Newcastle United), Aaron Ramsdale (The Arse). Defenders: Harry Maguire (The Scum), Luke Shaw (The Scum), Eric Dier (Stottingtot Hotshots) John Stones (Shiekh Yer Man City), Kyle Walker (Sheikh Yer Man City), Kieran Trippier (Newcastle United), Conor Coady (Everton), Ben White (The Arse), Trent Alexander-Arnold (Liverpool Alabama Yee-Haws). Midfielders: Jude Bellingham (Borussia Dortmund), Mason Mount (The club formerly known as Moscow Chelski FC), Conor Gallagher (The club formerly known as Moscow Chelski FC), Declan Rice (West Hamster United), Jordan Henderson (Liverpool Alabama Yee-Haws), Kalvin Phillips (Sheikh Yer Man City). Forwards: James Maddison (Leicester City), Phil Foden (Sheikh Yer Man City), Jack Grealish (Sheikh Yer Man City), Harry Kane (Stottingtot Hotshots), Bukayo Saka (The Arse), Raheem Sterling (The club formerly known as Moscow Chelski FC), Callum Wilson (Newcastle United), Marcus Rashford (The Scum).
Maddison's inclusion is reward for his superb form for Leicester this season. He has been instrumental in The Foxes' resurgence following their piss poor start to the season and he has six goals and four assists in twelve Premier League games. His only cap for England came almost three years ago - in a Euro 2020 qualifier against Montenegro when he played thirty five minutes. 'He is playing really well,' said Southgate. 'He is a good player. We have always said he is a good player. He has earned the right. We think he can give something slightly different to the other attacking players we have. He is playing as well as any of the attacking players in this country and he is a bit different to the others.' Walker has proved his fitness to Southgate after undergoing groin surgery and not playing for more than a month. The England boss has also put his faith in Phillips, despite the midfielder having had injury struggles throughout this season. Phillips, who has had surgery on his shoulder, returned to action as a second-half substitute in Shiekh Yer Man City's two-nil win against The club formerly known as Moscow Chelski FC in the Carabao Cup on Wednesday. Rashford has not played for England since the Euro 2020 final defeat by Italy, but the forward has scored seven goals in all competitions for The Scum this season. This blogger's beloved (and now, thankfully, sold) Magpies' striker Wilson, who has scored six goals in ten games this season, joins his team-mates Pope and Trippier in the squad, a significant tribute to the way in which Eddie Howe's side have been playing. It is the first time that Newcastle have had three players in an England World Cup squad since 1998 (Alan Shearer, David Batty and Rob Lee). Wilson and England captain Harry Kane will be The Three Lions' main striking options for the World Cup. Like Brentford's Toney and West Hamsters' Bowen, Roma striker Tammy Abraham has been overlooked. 'We have wanted to make sure we have the balance of the squad right,' added Southgate. 'In this day and age squad is more important than ever with five substitutes. You want different options for different moments of matches and different stages of the tournament as well. We have had to cover a couple of players who are not fully match fit as well so having twenty six players means you can take a couple of risks. We think the balance is there. We think we have everything covered.'
For those dear blog readers who may be unfamiliar with what we're talking about here, association football is a sport which is played between two teams of eleven players - or, if Portugal are one of them, two teams of nine ... or eight ... - using a spherical ball. Because, using a square one would be bloody ridiculous. It is widely considered to be the most popular participation and spectator sport on the planet. Except in the USA where they don't even use its proper name and think it's something that girls play. The game takes place on a pitch of rectangular grass or artificial turf. The object being to score by getting the ball into the opposing goal and then stopping them from doing the same to you. Fairly, of course. Or, if you're Italian, anyway you can. In general play, the goalkeepers are the only players allowed to use their hands to touch the ball although at least one late Argentine international tended to ignore that rule. The rest of the team use their feet to kick the ball. And, each other. Often. It's a game of two halves, Brian and, at the end of ninety minutes the team which scores the most goals will be Over the Moon and the other lot will be Sick as a Parrot. Or, to put it another way, it's a game of two halves and extra time. And then the Germans win on penalties. The game is frequently not controlled by an officious, whistle-happy berk aided by two visually-impaired prats with flags. It was invented by the English but, whisper it, we're not actually all that good at it. The Brazilians are. Usually. Except when they aren't. The Dutch and the French and the Spanish can be quite useful too but, more often than not, they end up fighting among themselves after a couple of matches. Which can be jolly amusing to watch. The game has many rules, most of which are self-explanatory. Except for offside (don't ask, trust me, we'll be here all day). Every four years the best thirty two nations in the world come together in a spectacularly expensive corporate brown-tongued hate-fest. Scotland usually don't take part. Because, as noted, it's a tournament for the world's thirty two best national sides. Thirty one of them go home muttering about bias, conspiracy, bad luck, dodgy red cards and 'that was never over the line.' There can be only one champion. A bit like the movie Highlander, only with less beheadings. Although, if you're ever seen Uruguay play ...
From fitba to clicky, now. England stormed into the T20 World Cup final with a sensational ten-wicket demolition of India at the Adelaide Oval. Openers Jos Buttler and Alex Hales overcame a feverish India-supporting atmosphere and chased one hundred and sixty nine runs without the loss of a wicket. They romped home with a massive twenty four balls to spare to set up a final against Pakistan on Sunday and seal one of England's greatest white-ball wins. Hales ended eighty six not out from forty seven deliveries with Buttler unbeaten on eighty from forty nine, the England skipper clinching the match with the pair's tenth six. Earlier, despite fifty from Virat Kohli, England's bowlers restricted India well until Hardik Pandya's sixty three from thirty three balls powered his side to what had looked an above par score. But Hales, recalled after more than three years in the international wilderness, gave England a rapid start and Buttler continued the onslaught. Their stand of one hundred and seventy is a record in a men's T20 World Cup, beating the one hundred and sixty eight shared by South Africa's Quinton De Kock and Rilee Rossouw in their game against Bangladesh last month. This was supposed to be the night India joined their great rivals Pakistan in an all-subcontinent final. A frenzied crowd was expectant but by the end, the small pocket of England fans were jubilant, the chastened Indian supporters drifting away in misery. England's bowling effort, without Mark Wood because of injury and up against India's batting line-up of superstars, was tidy and disciplined, until they were a fraction knocked off course by Hardik's late blitz. The batting was simply stunning. The imperious Buttler settled any nerves by taking three fours from the first over before he and Hales dispatched both pace and spin in seemingly effortless fashion. As the final majestic strike cleared the fielder and boundary at long-on, Buttler whipped off his helmet. A campaign that was floundering after defeat by Ireland two weeks ago could end in glory. Pakistan, who have produced their own remarkable recovery to reach the showpiece, were beaten four-three by England in a thrilling, close fought seven-match T20 series in their own backyard last month.
Eleven overs into the chase India's ragged fielders looked beaten, the ball repeatedly travelling to, or over, the boundary rope. Buttler was dropped on sixty six at mid-off by Suryakumar Yadav, with the ball ricocheting off his body and beyond Kohli for four, but by then the contest was effectively over. Having opted to bat second on a used pitch, Hales and Buttler took on Adelaide's short square boundaries to race along consistently at ten runs per over. They took sixty three from the powerplay - a clear contrast to India's thirty eight for one - and did not look back. This was Hales' greatest night in his England career, a career that looked over when he was unceremoniously dropped on the eve of the 2019 World Cup before being recalled for this tournament after the injury to Jonny Bairstow. He slog-swept spinners Axar Patel and Ravichandran Ashwin and cleanly struck the pace bowlers back over their head for seven sixes. After a quick start, Buttler settled into the supporting role before unleashing his ramps and power strokes in a canter to the finish line. England, who were missing the wicket-taking threat of Wood's searing pace, were excellent in restricting India in the early stages. Chris Woakes got one to rise off a length and take KL Rahul's edge in the second over, Rohit Sharma was caught at deep mid-wicket off Wood's replacement Chris Jordan for twenty seven off twenty eight balls and when dangerman Yadav holed out at deep point off Adil Rashid for fourteen, India were seventy five for three in the twelfth over. Kohli's first boundary was a glorious drive for six over extra cover but the former Indian captain was unable to find top gear, Rashid particularly effective through the middle with a four-over spell that cost only twenty. Hardik hit back-to-back sixes off Jordan - one a short ball pummelled over mid-wicket and the next a full ball sensationally flicked off his pads - before helping take twenty two from the penultimate over bowled by Sam Curran. Eighty runs came from the last seven overs and forty seven from the final three but in truth had Hardik added another thirty, it would still not have been enough.
KFC has grovelingly apologised after sending a promotional message to customers in Germany, urging them to commemorate Kristallnacht with cheesy chicken. The Nazi-led series of vicious attacks in 1938 left more than ninety people dead and destroyed Jewish-owned businesses and places of worship. It is widely seen as the beginning of the Holocaust. The message, heavily criticised for its crass insensitivity, was later blamed on 'an error in our system.' One or two people even believed them. The fast food chain sent an app alert on Wednesday, saying: 'It's memorial day for Kristallnacht! Treat yourself with more tender cheese on your crispy chicken. Now at KFCheese!' This blogger thinks it's the exclamation mark that makes it art. Around an hour later another message was sent with a snivelling apology, according to the Bild newspaper. 'We are very sorry, we will check our internal processes immediately so that this does not happen again. Please excuse this error,' the message is reported to have said. And, pretend it never happened? Too late. The company later blame the message on 'the actions of an oaf.'
And finally, dear blog reader, here is proof of that age old truism; if you lose something you can usually look for it and find it in the most obvious place.
