What with 21 November being National TV Day (yes, as this blog revealed in 2020, it is a thing) welcome to the sixteenth annual From The North TV Awards. Celebrating, in Keith Telly Topping's opinion, the best and worst TV programmes broadcast during the past twelve months in this blogger's sight. In what is rapidly becoming an annual observation, you may notice that there are approximately twice as many 'highs' listed here as there are 'lows'. This imbalance is not, necessarily, any reflection on the actual ratio of good-telly-to-bad during 2023. Rather it is because, generally speaking, we tend to remember the good stuff. And attempt - only sometimes successfully - to forget all of the brain-numbing, laughter-free, lowest-common-denominator shat which threatens to infect the brains of everyone it comes into contact with.
Also, each year when this blogger posts the From The North TV awards, he usually gets a few e-mails from dear blog readers and Facebook fiends saying something along the lines of 'very good, Keith Telly Topping. But, you missed out [insert own favourite], so you did.' Therefore, please note since answering such comments remains a flamin' pain in the dong, this blogger has not missed anything. These awards represent what Keith Telly Topping has been watching and enjoying (or, in the case of the 'Worst Of' list, not enjoying) during the past twelve months. If a programme that you like is not mentioned, it is either because this blogger did not see it (try as he might, Keith Telly Topping can't watch everything - there simply aren't enough hours in the year for that) or he did, but didn't consider the show in question worthy of inclusion. If you disagree with his assessment, as is your right in a free and democratic society, then you have this blogger's permission to start your own blog and create, present and justify your own award lists. With that out of the way, if you're all sitting comfortably, we'll begin.
Fifty Three Extra-Primo-Rad Highlights Of Television In 2023:-
1. The Last Of Us
'When you're lost in the darkness, look for the light.' In 2022, From The North's favourite TV show, by a considerable distance, was an adaptation of a thirty five year old comic book, something which may once have produced an outpouring of abject scorn by 'serious' television critics who think they know what they're talking about (but, actually, don't). In 2023, From The North's favourite TV show, by a similar distance, was a nine-episode adaptation of a decade-old video game. Something which may once have produced an outpouring of scorn from this blogger. Such is the way in which television continues to surprise even the most cynical of viewers. 'Decades of mediocrity have conditioned us to expect nothing but the worst from video game adaptations, even when everything is there to suggest otherwise,' noted GQ. Just when it seemed there wasn't room for another post-apocalyptic drama (adaptation, or otherwise), The Last Of Us arrived and, well, rocked our world. The story involved terrifying mushroom-headed zombies, but they were the least of the many reasons for the show's impact. The drama brought deep humanity and emotion to its tense survival story, centred on the relationship between Joel (Pedro Pascal), a bereaved father and Ellie (the astonishing Bella Ramsey), an orphaned girl that Joel reluctantly agrees to transport across America to safety. As they travel West across what was once the USA, the changing landscape and the characters they encounter add range, variety, depth and the most touching pathos. An episode starring Nick Offerman and Murray Bartlett whose relationship endured over the two decades after the zombie apocalypse was one of the year's most poignant and perfect hours of TV; indeed it has been suggested (by no less an authority as From The North favourites Mark Kermode and Simon Mayo) that the term 'episode three' may now become a shorthand term for the moment when you suddenly realise that the TV show you are watching has become something very different from what you first imagined it to be. A meeting with Joel's lost brother was satisfying yet fraught with loss whilst the climax managed not to be a let-down by ending on an unresolved lie. Pascal got a well-deserved mainstream breakout with the role, as he grounded the genre elements with a powerful, realistic performance, earning him an EMMY nomination. And then there was From The North favourite Ramsey about whom a million words have already been written and million more will follow - all of them favourable. The Last Of Us spoke, eloquently, to people who never knew it was a video game in the first place. 'While the special effects are undeniably top-notch, this nine-part series was a hit that reached way beyond its gaming fanbase in large part due to the crisp, emotional storytelling, particularly with its two-handers,' noted The Times. Critically acclaimed by just about everyone who came into contact with it (one brain-dribbling fool at the National Review notwithstanding), this was tense, touching, frantic and soul-stirring television. It was, not to sugar-coat it too much dear blog reader, a sodding masterpiece. A second series has been commissioned though, whether it has a hope of living up to the impact and brilliance of the first is another question entirely.
2. Succession
'He's moseying. It's like if Santa Claus was a hit-man!' In its fourth and final series, the penetrating saga of money, power and family dysfunction (clearly not even remotely based on either the Murdochs or the Maxwells, oh no, very hot water) absolutely lived up to its grand, scintillating ambitions, scooping almost thirty EMMY nominations. The episode in which Logan Roy (series lynchpin Brian Cox) died was an artistic gem in and of itself, focused not on the dying man but rather on his distant, distraught children, brought to life by Jeremy Strong, Sarah Snook and Kieran Culkin with unsettling depth. In the end, the question of which Roy child would succeed their father to lead the Waystar Royco media empire was answered in a most surprising way, emphasising the idea that no one holds absolute power forever. Succession's portrait of greed and the changing media landscape was unrivalled, but creator Jesse Armstrong's most brilliant move was to embody it all in one broken extended family. 'Every word and beat deserves your attention, all of it and if you're not prepared to surrender it, then you're missing out,' wrote The Times' Hugo Rifkind (even if his colleague, that whinge-bucket with a face like sour milk Camilla Long couldn't resist making her mouth go to the contrary). With its vast ensemble cast (Matthew Macfadyen putting in one of his finest, most multi-layered performances, Nicholas Braun one of his most brilliantly comic) Succession holds a secure place among all but the thickest numbskull's list of the best TV drama series of all time. Better than The West Wing? No. Better than The Sopranos? No. But that was the astonishing heavyweight level at which Succession always punched.
3. Happy Valley
'Have you been in a fight?' 'Several!' Television police officers are ten-a-penny at the best of times, but few of them ever felt quite so real, so right as Catherine Cawood, the simultaneously indomitable and fragile Northern policewoman played by Sarah Lancashire in Sally Wainwright's scintillating BBC procedural, which came to an end with a belter of a third series. In what was the greatest comeback since The West Wing, seven years on from the last run, the story picks up with Catherine close to retirement and having trouble with her, now teenage, grandson Ryan whilst his dad, evil criminal Tommy Lee Royce (James Norton), is banged up on a ten-stretch in The Slammer. As ever, what Wainwright did so masterfully was to balance the suspense of the plot with a lived-in portrait of the small Yorkshire town, Hebden Bridge, where it was set. And, at its heart, Lancashire was simply electric, as a person fighting to keep her family and her community safe. One whom you absolutely would not want to cross. Lancashire's performance was nothing short of awe-inspiring, but it was the emotionally real, character-driving writing which brought the characters to life so beautifully, whether in humanising a violent monster as he reached out to his son, or completely subverting established finale norms with a simple, heartfelt conversation held over a kitchen table. The final episode garnered huge praise from critics. That Awful Mangan Woman, at the Gruniad Morning Star, called the episode as 'brutal, tender, funny, compelling and heart-breaking' and That Awful Singh Woman, at the Torygraph, claimed 'Happy Valley sounds so bleak on paper, with its storylines about drugs, rape and murder. But at its core is the love that Cawood has for her family. Wainwright gave us what we wanted: a happy ending for a character who truly deserves it.' Proof, if any were needed, that the BBC still does this sort of lyrical, honest, luscious drama effortlessly.
4. Dead Ringers
'We just cut a baby out of a woman's womb. She asked us to, we didn't just do it!' 'She's The Funny One!' In both her role choices and her screen presence, Rachel Weisz is consistently one of the most compelling actors out there; so to get two of her for the price of one in this adaptation of David Cronenberg's 1980s body-horror masterpiece about identical twin gynaecologists was, indeed, a rare pleasure. Weisz certainly made the most of her dichotomous roles: as the shy, empathetic Beverly Mantle and the decadent, unruly Elliot ('brilliantly deranged' according to Time), joint founders of a state-of-the-art birthing centre, Weisz offered a masterclass in contrasts, while attacking the latter character with particular gusto. The whole reimagination of the source material was inspired, from Alice Birch's caustically funny, scalpel-sharp screenplay to the rich primary coloured cinematography. There was also a memorable supporting performance from another From The North favourite, Jennifer Ehle, as an amoral billionaire funder who made Succession's Roy family look like The Brady Bunch. Altogether, it made for a darkly alluring psychological thriller that was certainly among the best and most daring drama series Amazon Prime Video have produced. Alison Herman of Variety wrote: 'Gender-swapped reboots too often carry a whiff of sanctimony, but [the series] is as perverse and profane as any great Cronenberg homage. Dead Ringers is more than a gimmick; it's a cerebral spin on a nightmare.' Exactly, extravagantly that.
5. Slow Horses: Dead Lions
'Russian sleeper agents imbedded in British society. They've been reactivated.' The second series of the Apple+ adaptation from Mick Herron's Slough House novels was, if anything, even better than the first which featured in last year's From The North 'Best Of' list. Gary Oldman returned as laconic, world-weary, cynical, slovenly, farting superspy Jackson Lamb, casually abusing but fiercely protective of his Joes. Jack Lowden once again got to do all the running-and-punching stuff. Kristen Scott Thomas and Saskia Reeves were as brilliant as ever as Jackson and his team of miscreants (including new addition, From The North favourite Aimee-Ffion Edwards) sought to solve the mystery of the murder of a former colleague (played by Phil Davis). All this and Mick Jagger's evocative, knowing theme song ('Strange Game'). 'The season has a determinedly cinematic quality that elevates it beyond most spy series, as does the first-rate writing,' wrote the Wall Street Journal. 'It straddles genres deftly, perhaps creating its own in the process.' 'Like all those classic BBC Le Carré adaptations, it's a superb piece of ensemble acting. Gary Oldman is at the top of his game as ... the grotesque but weirdly adorable station chief,' added The Spectator. 'Every scene has a finesse of quality or invention,' suggested the Gruniad Morning Star. The third series, Real Tigers, is due to premiere in December. If it's half as good as the first two series (and the opening episode, in which it is revealed that MI5 cases are listed John, Paul, George and Ringo in order of importance, suggests it's definitely going to be), then you can make a date for it being somewhere near the top of next year's From The North 'Best Of' list.
6. Poker Face
'I have been kind of a death magnet!' Sometimes a concept for a show is simply so inspired that there's no way it can fail. Such was the case with this murder-of-the-week drama from Knives Out and Glass Onion creator Rian Johnson, which reportedly came about following of a casual dinner conversation between him and star Natasha Lyonne about their shared love of classic detective shows. One of Hollywood's most inimitable presences, Lyonne is an absolute diamond in Poker Face as the insouciant Charlie; a cocktail waitress on the run (from both the law and gangsters) who finds herself travelling around the US, inadvertently getting involved in murder cases that could do with her mental acuity and unique ability to detect when someone is lying. She is like, in her scrappy, wisecracking energy, a female Frank Columbo. As with that classic From The North favourite, the audience sees the murder being committed at the beginning of each episode so it's not a whodunnit but, rather, a howcatchem. There is something singularly soothing about watching Lyonne put the pieces of the puzzle together, before hitting the road once more at the climax in her beat-up Plymouth Barracuda (making the series a smart mix of not only Columbo but, also, things like The Incredible Hulk or, as Mark Kermode suggested in a glowing podcast review, Kwai Chang Caine 'walking the Earth' in Kung Fu). In addition to Columbo, Johnson also used the likes of Magnum, PI, The Rockford Files and Quantum Leap, the kind of 'fun, character-driven, case-of-the-week goodness that I grew up with' as influences on the general tone of the series. 'All of these shows I was watching as a kid, sitting on the rug in front of my TV, is the heart of what I am trying to get at,' Johnson told Variety. 'That was something baked into the DNA of the show from the beginning,' he added. 'Doing that ... thing of having every episode be an anthropological deep dive into a little corner of America that you might not otherwise see.' The joy and thrill then comes when Lyonne's human lie-detector wanders into the story to piece together the evidence and mutter 'bullshit!' in the face of a parade of reliable weekly guest-stars (Benjamin Bratt, Chloë Sevigny, Lil Rel Howery), plus Johnson regulars like Adrien Brody and Joseph Gordon-Levitt. 'It's gripping, grisly when it needs to be and Lyonne is charm on a stick,' said the Torygraph. Indeed, a thorough search by this author has barely been able to find more than a handful of negative reviews of the show anywhere. 'In its lane (a droll, self-aware game of TV Cluedo in which the viewer gets to peek at the cards) and turbo-powered by the human electrical storm that is Lyonne, Poker Face works a treat,' noted the Observer. True episodic detective television of the old school, this was one of the year's simplest and purest pleasures. An absolute delight.
7. Doctor Who
'My chosen pronoun is The Definite Article.' 'Oh, I do that!' Russell Davies has, of course, already revived the BBC's popular, long-running family SF drama franchise once, in 2005. You knew that, right? Now, he has ridden to The Doctor's aid again in what is, honestly, the most welcome thing to happen in popular culture since Howard Jones sacked that bloke who used to do mime to his songs. David Tennant and Catherine Tate returned for a trio of specials - The Star Beast, Way Over Yonder and The Giggle - to celebrate Doctor Who's sixtieth anniversary in November and December. The reviewers, for the opening episode at least, were well-impressed: Inverse ('absolutely ludicrous in the best possible way'), the Radio Times ('Saturday night magic is back'), the Gruinad ('infinite reasons to celebrate'), BBC Culture ('epic, action-packed fun'), Collider ('a delightful adventure'), the Torygraph ('a rollicking family-friendly delight'), the HeyUGuys website ('a hoot') and Games Radar ('an exciting start to the sixtieth anniversary'). Plus, seemingly, by suggesting that being kind to those who are 'different' is worth doing, it managed to piss-off exactly the sort of horrible pond scum you'd want to see pissed-off at GB News and the Daily Scum Express. So jolly well done there, Big Rusty. David's reaction to the new TARDIS interior was one of the TV moments of the year. And, a five million-plus overnight audience on 25 November saw the episode becoming 2023's largest live television drama launch (to date, anyway). The enemies faced by The Doctor remained a closely guarded secret for almost a year, although many fans quickly guessed that Neil Patrick Harris was playing The Celestial Toymaker (last seen in the show in 1966) long before the BBC actually got round to confirming it. From The North favourite Ruth Madeley, Jemma Redgrave and Heartstopper's Yasmin Finney, also guest-starred and there was a touching posthumous cameo from the late Bernard Cribbins. It all, thrillingly, set the scene for the arrival of the incoming Ncuti Gatwa, who will first inhabit the TARDIS and wield the sonic screwdriver of delight on Christmas Day when his first episode, The Church On Ruby Road will be broadcast. A new, eight-episode, series starring Ncuti and Millie Gibson, will then debut in the Spring of 2024. This blogger believes it's going to be great. As usual!
8. Good Omens
'I think I may have just started a war!' Amazon's adaptation of Neil Gaiman and Terry Pratchett's fantasy novel, returned for a second series of apocalyptic escapades and it was just as humongously mad-brilliant as the first. Created, written and executive produced by Gaiman (when he's not knee deep in From The North favourite The Sandman), the series sees national heartthrob David Tennant and Michael Sheen return as eternal frenemies, the demon Crowley and angel Aziraphale. This time, they were not chasing the antichrist child around the world but, instead, a returning Jon Hamm as the overtly pompous archangel Gabriel, who turned up at Aziraphale's bookshop stark naked, with no memory, holding an empty box and needing to be hidden from both Heaven and Hell. Frances McDormand also returned as the voice of God and our glorious narrator, as did Miranda Richardson as the demon Shax, Hell's new representative on Earth. 'If season one was an epic thriller, season two is a cosy mystery that doubles down on the rich character moments that made the first season such a compelling watch,' suggested Inverse whilst Den Of Geek added 'If it has a flaw, it might be that it's almost too sweet (body horror aside), but frankly, isn't a little sweetness what we all need?' It was, in fact, a rollicking script full of glorious theatre of the absurd daftness and, frankly, bloody good fun.
9. The Gallow's Pole
'Are you not dead?' 'There were no places left in Hell!' Not every great TV drama needs to ramble on (s'cuse the pun) for ten arse-numbing hours, dear blog reader. From The North favourite Shane Meadows's rip-roaring rollercoaster of a period piece came in a mere three, pacy, episodes; more a quick slap around the chops with a haddock than a weekend binge-watch, one could argue. And, importantly, it left the viewer wanting more. Its loveable characters, a tight-knit rural community scratching a living in late Eighteenth Century Yorkshire, were led by David Hartley (Meadows regular Michael Socha), a real-life Robin Hood whose coin-clipping skills offered all the villagers a way out of their dirt poverty. It was like a 1950s Ealing comedy with a Shane Meadows sensibility - affectionate piss-taking, strange music cues (mostly from Swedish psychedelic revivalists Goat), trippy interludes, split-screen shots of chickens, the works. Socha was the roguishly charming heart for the story, adapted from Benjamin Myers's award-winning novel, but everyone in the often improvising cast kept it fuelled with warmth and laughs. If nothing else, it was proof that, contrary to the never-ending stream of Jimmy McGovern misery-fests we keep getting inflicted upon us, you don't necessarily have to wish to slit your wrists after hanging out with the Northern Working Classes for an hour. Which this blogger, born on a council estate in Newcastle, is jolly glad about as it happens. 'A joy to be along for the ride,' said the Evening Standard. 'Compared to most modern TV, plot happens almost as an afterthought, when it happens at all,' added the Torygraph. 'Meadows loves [the characters'] company so much that he lingers on them, often in slow motion, for scene after scene.' The Spectator considered that it was 'Wonderfully naturalistic and intriguingly odd' and that 'it didn't take long to realise that Meadows's departure mightn't be as radical as advertised ' because the programme could easily have been entitled This Was England. Christ, even That Awful Woman At The Times with a face like sour milk loved it. This blogger thought it was great and that Jennifer Reid's performance of 'The Miller Of Dee' in the opening episode might, just, be the single most heart-stopping scene on television in 2023. Magical.
10. The Crowded Room
'It never struck you as strange that this man just showed up to save you?' You have to give Tom Holland credit: The lad has got some serious game. His latest post-MCU endeavour, The Crowded Room, gave young Tom another opportunity to prove his remarkable worth as an actor and, in the process, earn himself an extended break from acting due to mental health difficulties related to the part. A psychological thriller created by Akiva Goldsman and based - extremely loosely - on the real life case of Billy Milligan, a serial rapist with multiple personality disorder, the Apple mini-series had a great cast (Hello To Jason Isaacs!) and some intriguing imagery. The story followed Danny Sullivan (Holland) after he was arrested for his involvement in a New York City shooting in 1979. Danny unveiled his life through a series of interviews with psychologist Rya Goodwin (Amanda Seyfried) and slowly detailed - to both Rya and the audience - a mysterious past that led him to the fateful incident. As Danny retrospectively examined his life, he reckoned with his past and a few pivotal moments, ultimately leading him to uncover a life-altering revelation. It could, in lesser hands, have been disorganised and shallow in its assessments of mental illness but, ploughing through its ten-hour run never seemed a chore to this blogger. A fabulous 1970s soundtrack certainly helped. Sniffily dismissed by some critics ('an unwatchable mess' according to one prick of no importance at Newsday for example), this is one series in which it is probably best to ignore all of those Rotten Tomatoes whingers and just dive, fully clothed, into the deep end. This blogger is certain that if dear blog readers care to have a wander around the Interweb for other people doing their own TV awards for 2023, they will find many places that have The Crowded Room listed amongst the year's biggest disappointments rather than in the top ten best shows. Therefore, it is important to remember that, on this score at least, Keith Telly Topping is right and everyone who believes to the contrary is wrong. Sorry, but it's The Law.
11. The Long Shadow
'I give you my word that I will catch this animal.' A compassionate, admirably unsensationalised drama, this sold itself as 'the definitive account' of the desperate - often chaotic - hunt by West Yorkshire Police for the serial killer Peter Sutcliffe in the late 1970s. The seven-parter certainly had an impressively heavyweight cast, with From The North favourites Toby Jones, Lee Ingleby and David Morrissey as the detectives working around the clock to catch him - and with, sadly, their own pre-conceived notions on what sort of a man he was which led them, frequently, in completely the wrong direction. There was also Daniel Mays as one of the victims' husbands and Katherine Kelly, Stephen Tompkinson, Shaun Dooley, Jill Halfpenny and Liz White in supporting roles. The latter, in particular, was outstanding as a sympathetic WPC unable to convince her male colleagues that they're running in circles. ITV's second dramatisation of the same events (2000's This Is Personal: The Hunt For The Yorkshire Ripper was the previous one) it focused, sensibly, on the communities living in fear and the families left behind as much as the five-year cat-and-mouse chase to catch The Ripper. Written by George Kay based on Michael Bilton's best-seller Wicked Beyond Belief, The Long Shadow got most of the aesthetics spot on. There was a cold chill about the drama, on many levels that, defiantly, worked in its favour; as The Times noted: 'Often it feels more like social history than true crime: the grime and poverty of Leeds in the 1970s; the relentless misogyny.' 'More than any rendering of a notorious case that I can remember, the attention is on the women. Specifically, the living women. And, when they are gone, the people they leave behind,' claimed the Gruniad. One imagines that Liza Williams, whose outstanding 2019 BBC4 documentary series The Yorkshire Ripper Files: A Very British Crime Story pushed that angle so hard it screamed, would very much disagree with that assessment from the Middle Class hippy Communist in question. 'No matter the drama's compassionate take, it's about the stuff of collective nightmares,' was the view of The Scotsman. Other reviewers questioned whether, even if its heart was in the right place, the production had turned some of the most terrible crimes ever committed against women into 'mere entertainment' and were 'sad and aggrieved' that it had even been made. But then, nobody with an ounce of brains between their ears takes the bleatings of The New Statesman even remotely seriously. This blogger is fully aware that every drama which is based on deadly real-life events (however loosely) runs the risk of sensationalising those events, even if they don't mean to. Whether this was 'the definitive account' of Sutcliffe - the textbook example of the sheer banality of evil - and his horrific crimes is debateable. But, any future retelling will need to do everything that The Long Shadow did in avoiding shock-tactics and insulting clichés and then a bit more besides. For that, if nothing else, The Long Shadow deserves praise not scorn.
12. The Bear
'I try and start from a place of positivity.' The second series of The Bear, which follows Carmy (Jeremy Allen White) and his staff as they renovate his family's sandwich shop and turn it into a high-end restaurant, was absolutely sublime television. Created by Christopher Storer, The Bear has been one of the best-written and best-performed shows on TV since it opened shop on Hulu last summer (this blogger included the first series in last year's 'Also Mentioned In Dispatches' but it should, really, have been far higher. proof that even Keith Telly Topping is not infallible in his annual awards). With a sense of intimacy and urgency, these ten episodes once again captured what it is like to try to bring order to the abject chaos of running a busy kitchen. But The Bear expanded its scope this time around, devoting whole episodes to the personal journeys of specific characters like pastry chef Marcus (Lionel Boyce) and the perpetually adrift Richie (Ebon Moss-Bachrach) - unleashing a monster of a flashback episode (Fishes) - whilst continuing to explore new contours in the relationship between Carmy and his business partner, the determined Sydney (Ayo Edebiri). In that way, The Bear's second series managed to do the hardest thing any television show can: find ways to grow outward and inward at the same time. This was television operating at the highest level on all creative fronts and highlighted the good in its characters with delicacy and zero sentimental pandering. With grands turns by From The North favourites like Oliver Platt, Jamie Lee Curtis and Olivia Colman, The Bear was, reportedly, the most watched programme across all platforms in the United States during the final week of June. According to FX, the second series premiere (Beef) was the most-watched in the network's history. 'It's a show about food in which the camera itself seems starving, pushing hungrily up against its main characters as they try to resurrect their failing sandwich shop in Chicago,' suggested The Times. 'It is an extraordinary piece of tragicomedy - at once a hysterical farce and a raw, soul-draining domestic drama. You wish more TV could be this intense while feeling relieved that it isn't,' added the Financial Times. 'The series' debut run was as perfect a piece of television as anyone can hope for,' wrote the critic at the Concrete Playground website. 'Excellent news: season two is better.' It was - served up on a plate with rice and chips and tasty as anything.
13. Blue Lights
'At least try to act like police officers!' A fine example to everyone that you should avoid judging a show from its basic concept, this BBC drama, created by Declan Lawn and Adam Patterson, may have looked like a strictly by-the-numbers, Belfast-set police procedural. But, it proved to be a far more sophisticated beast. Following three new recruits (Siân Brooke, Katherine Devlin and Nathan Braniff), with a couple of months probation left to go, this artfully wove in its location's complex historical and political elements to create a show as complex and rewarding as it was, at times, unbearably tense. Blackly comic and occasionally shocking, it gave an authentic taste of front-line policing in a volatile powder keg of a city, where young and hopelessly unprepared rookie officers are forced to learn fast or get eaten by the system. The Fall's John Lynch was, brilliantly, cast somewhat against type as James McIntyre, the head of a Republican crime family. Brooke said that elements of the role felt 'right' to her because her father was a police officer and the script 'captured the friendships within the job and how important they are. How much time you spend with this person in a car. They spend more time with each other than they probably do with anybody else, in this tiny little office on wheels.' She also spoke to serving officers, social workers and Belfast residents before filming. The series was nominated for Best New Drama at The National Television Awards. The Toryraph said 'Blue Lights won't receive a fraction of the hype of Line Of Duty, but there isn't a duff line or an overcooked scene to be found here' and called the series 'a rare gem.' The Gruniad Morning Star's reviewer was 'engrossed', describing Blue Lights as 'well-crafted, fantastically tense, thrilling stuff' and 'one of the best shows of the year.' The Spectator called it a 'near perfect cop drama' that 'that manages to humanise the lives of the men and women in the Police Service of Northern Ireland without mawkishness' that despite 'some procedural howlers that have clearly been let loose in the service of the storylines', leaves viewers 'in for a rare treat.' 'Though made for relative pennies compared to the glossy offerings of the streaming channels, this Belfast-set police procedural was a class act, one that made a virtue of its location without straying into cliché or settling for neat answers,' added the Herald. In April, the BBC confirmed a second series had been commissioned for 2024.
14. Navalny
'Vladimir Alexandrovich? It's Alexei Navalney calling. I was hoping you could tell me why you wanted to kill me?' Daniel Roher's documentary revolved around the Russian opposition leader Alexei Navalny and events related to his poisoning, produced by HBO Max and CNN Films. Having first been shown in 2022 (when this blogger, shamefully, missed it), it won the Best Documentary Feature at the Academy Awards and Best Documentary at the BAFTA's leading to a welcome showing as part of BBC4's Storyville strand and, thus, entirely justifying its appearance in this list. Navalny fell sick during a flight from Tomsk to Moscow and was hospitalised, later being evacuated to the Charité hospital in Berlin. The use of a nerve agent was confirmed by five Organisation for the Prohibition of Chemical Weapons certified laboratories. Navalny, who unlike Alexander Litvinenko and the victims of the 2018 Salisbury poisonings (both stories previously dramatised, the latter featured in From The North's 'Best Of' list in 2020) survived his ordeal and blamed Vladimir Putin for his poisoning. The Kremlin repeatedly denied any involvement. And, to paraphrase the late Mandy Rice-Davis, 'well they would, wouldn't they?' The documentary shows how Bellingcat journalist Christo Grozev and Maria Pevchikh, the head investigator for Navalny's Anti-Corruption Foundation, revealed the details of a plot which suggested more than a few flaws in The Kremlin's account. The Gruniad Morning Star called it 'one of the most jaw-dropping things you will ever witness' and said the 'terrifying' documentary 'enters the realms of the far-fetched spy thriller - and yet it's all true.' The New York Times praised it saying 'Roher has assembled a tense and absorbing look at Navalny and his inner circle.' Navalny also received praise from the likes of Time Out, Vox, Concrete Playground, Film Week, The Times, the Globe & Mail, the Torygraph and many other. And, was loathed by some bloke from the Chicago Reader who said 'I left feeling hollow and angry. Like I'd been manipulated using methods pioneered and perfected under the long-gone Soviet regime of my childhood.' An interesting - near unique - take on the documentary outside the walls of The Kremlin. One imagines that a congratulatory message from President Putin is in the post as we speak. Careful, though, it may contain traces of Novichok.
15. Extraordinary
'What else do they recommend?' 'Long walks. Sex. Spicy food.' 'You're looking at how to induce labour!' 'No, I'm not. Oh ... how dilated is your cervix?' Disney's Extraordinary was a wildly funny take on the idea of superpowers, set in a world where everyone gets them but most are pretty rubbish at actually using them. Created by Emma Moran (who developed the idea while completing her Masters in Screenwriting at Manchester Uni), Extraordinary followed the plight of Jen (Máiréad Tyers), a twenty five-year-old who, uniquely, didn't get her superpowers as a teenager. Jen, unsurprisingly, struggles being the only person she knows who is an ordinary human. Nevertheless, with her friends, Carrie, Kash and Jizzlord (a shapeshifter who has been stuck as Jen's pet cat for some time), she sets out to change all that. Amiable and cleverly constructed, the show's brilliance, beyond its playful special effects and phenomenal overarching hypothetical, is the cast. Siobhán McSweeney is particularly terrific as Jen's Wonder Woman-style mum. As Mashable's Caitlin Welsh wrote: 'Extraordinary earns its place among the best of the millennial romcom sitcoms - and stands well above certain other eight-or-so-episode-long shows about people with superpowers on Disney-owned streaming platforms - thanks to its whip-smart writing and lived-in performances.' Judy Berman of Time called Extraordinary an 'instant classic among superhero comedies,' adding: 'True to its title, Extraordinary combines and tweaks familiar tropes into something genuinely unique.' One of this blogger's favourite critics, Keith Watson of Metro said: 'Every once in a while there's a superpower show that promises to breathe fresh life into the over-exploited arena and Emma Moran's fresh comedy, which slyly exploits the genre in much the manner of The Boys (with way less budget), stands out from the crowd.' Polly Conway of Common Sense Media described it as 'an amusing teen comedy.' Extraordinary's own superpower, claimed The Age 'is that it makes the comic book conceit pertinent to the individual characters - their emotional travails connect to the powers on offer, sometimes hilariously and sometimes with genuine melancholy.' Inevitably, That Awful Mangan Woman in the Gruniad found something to sneer at. One more reason, dear blog reader, why Extraordinary deserves to be viewed by billions. Series two is expected in early 2024.
16. I Hate Suzie Too
'It'd be great to see a little bit more of the real Suzie, not the Suzie they know.' 'They hate the Suzie they know!' The sequel to 2020's From The North favourite I Hate Suzie found Lucy Prebble and Billie Piper creating yet more ways to humiliate Piper's Suzie Pickles whilst casting a deliciously jaundiced eye on the way in which the modern media chews up and spits out 'celebrity' without bothering to check for human damage. The show marked the third collaboration between Prebble and Piper, who previously worked together on Secret Diary Of A Call Girl (2007 to 2011) and The Effect (2012). The three-episode second series arrived on Sky Atlantic in the dying days of 2022 and won Prebble a Royal Television Society Programme award and, pleasingly, Piper a BAFTA nomination. The Times said the second series of the 'bravura black comedy about the horrors of modern celebrity is, if anything, more heart-stoppingly brilliant than its predecessor.' Piper and Prebble 'bring their flawed, ferociously human protagonist to giddy new heights of acceptance while pulling her heart even deeper into the abyss,' wrote Entertainment Weekly. 'It is so unlike anything else on television, in its raw honesty, that I couldn’t tear myself away. Suzie is the maddest person in the room, yet from another angle she's the sanest one,' claimed the Torygraph. 'Suzie repeatedly wins our sympathy, then squanders it with reckless, self-destructive outbursts during drink and drug binges,' added the Daily Scum Mail. A third series is said to be a possibility at some stage.
17. Wednesday
'Miss Addams. You've certainly had a very interesting educational journey.' A beautifully in-your-face coming-of-age supernatural comedy-horror based on the character Wednesday Addams, Wednesday starred Jenna Ortega as the titular character, with the likes of Gwendoline Christie, Riki Lindhome, Jamie McShane, Joy Sunday, Christina Ricci and Moosa Mostafa appearing in supporting roles. Four of the eight episodes were directed by Tim Burton, who also served as executive producer. It revolved around Wednesday's attempts to solve a murder mystery at her new school (she was expelled from the previous one after that nasty business of dumping piranhas into the swimming pool!) It premiered on Netflix in November 2022, just days too late for inclusion in last year's From The North 'Best Of' list but entirely deserves a belated acknowledgement of just what a sharp, witty, clever little series it was. With a fantastic soundtrack (a mixture of Danny Elfman and Chris Bacon's score and dozens of brilliant needle-drop moments; check out the dance sequence to Lady Gaga in episode four), the beautifully Gothic sets and Ortega's laconic, devastatingly force-of-nature performance, Wednesday was an immense audience hit. The series holds the record of most hours viewed in a week for an English-language Netflix series with a total three hundred and forty one million hours watched in its first week of release, putting it in the Stranger Things/The Sandman league. The Independent called the series' worldwide popularity 'unprecedented' and suggested that it could jump-start development of several other spin-off series. It got mixed reviews, best exemplified by Jesse Hassenger of The Wrap describing the four episodes directed by Burton as feeling 'more like Veronica Mars than Sleepy Hollow.' The Wall Street Journal commended Ortega's 'charismatic performance' and added the series was 'often delightful, despite its deliberate darkness.' In the Detroit News, Tom Long deemed the show 'visually appealing', described Ortega's deadpan as 'just as elastic as it needed to be' and her performance overall as 'consistently [pushing] outside the caricature enough to keep things lively.' Some snooty, sneering fek of absolutely no gumption at the New York Times said Wednesday was 'tolerable' despite 'satisfying only on the level of formulaic teenage romance and mystery' and compared it to the Harry Potter franchise. All, presumably, whilst gurning into their breakfast muesli. It's not just Gruniad Morning Star TV reviewers that need a ruddy good slap across the chops on general principle, it would seem. Though, to be scrupulously fair, the Gruniad actually rather liked it! Hardly surprisingly, in view of its audience profile in January Wednesday was renewed for, very welcome, a second series.
18. The Reckoning
'I'm not an act. What you see is what you get.' Controversial even before it was made, let alone broadcast, this docudrama about the Jimmy Savile fiasco had a rocky path to the screen, having first been announced in 2020. It was rumoured to have been delayed at least twice due to BBC trepidation about a Tory backlash from the likes of the Daily Scum Mail; the newspaper incidentally that, more than any other, has delighted in running endless stories related to Savile's appalling crimes but is quick to criticise any TV series which so much as mentions the man as being 'disrespectful' to his victims. As though airbrushing the likes of Savile, Harris, Hall et al from history would, somehow, make all of the terrible things they did evaporate in a quasi-Stalinist way. The Reckoning finally arrived it October. It was a hard watch. Steve Coogan had the unenviable task of portraying the prolific child abuser, a decision which, he claimed, he 'didn't take lightly.' The BBC, he added, 'are damned if they do and damned if they don't and I believe the correct choice is to be damned if they do.' 'Don't let this happen again,' Darien, one of the hundreds of children and young women abused by the vile albino paedophile, tearfully told the camera. Her plea came at the end of the fourth and final episode of this dramatisation of Savile's life and went some way to explain exactly why the BBC chose to re-tread the Savile story. Documentaries have thoroughly covered this ground previously, though The Reckoning attempted something different; to showcase, through a mixture of fact-based and fictional docudrama scenes, as well as interviews with four of his victims, how Savile got away with criminal offences while maliciously charming his way into Britain's highest institutions. The series, told primarily through flashbacks as Savile was interviewed by journalist Dan Davies, spent its time meticulously reasoning how he deceived BBC bosses, hospital wardens, the police, That Awful Thatcher Woman (whose inclusion in story - despite being entirely historically accurate - still caused several lickerty-split Tories to get their knickers in a twist, notably That Awful Patel Woman) and the general public, using his charitable work to distract from the atrocities being committed. Viewers equally saw him taking advantage of children, luring them into his home and apprehending them backstage. Mercifully, we never got to witness the acts themselves, the camera cutting away, but the implications were, of course, horrendous. A later episode even explored Savile's disgusting behaviour at a morgue. Coogan inhabited the wise-cracking Savile with uncomfortable ease, some moments infused with Alan Partridge-isms, as Savile weaponised his wit, while other scenes were played like a Poundland Tony Soprano, as when Savile ordered a bouncer to physically abuse a boy who had been caught sneaking into his nightclub. It was an uncanny, skin-crawling - and, truly astonishing - portrayal which never turned Savile into the pantomime villain that he could, so easily, have done in the hands of a less-skilled actor. A sympathetic viewer - and this blogger believes he falls broadly into this category - would argue this constituted self-flagellation for the BBC, showcasing how it was tricked by this paedophilic conman; an unsympathetic one may argue the series rather let the BBC off the hook, focussing on Savile rather than analysing the BBC's own mishandling of the situation time after time. Indeed, in the second episode, we saw an investigation by BBC management into an incident which took place at Top Of The Pops in the 1970s, but no one came out being blamed; Savile was presented as too ingenious and too powerful to be seen as responsible for any wrongdoing. Maybe that's how it was - that Savile operated in plain sight without any institutional help to cover for him. The reviews were, broadly (though not universally), understanding of what the series was trying to achieve with special praise given to Coogan and to the bravery and honesty of the interviewed victims. The Daily Scum Mail was forced, somewhat against its own instincts one sensed, to do a round-up of positive online viewer reaction, perhaps acknowledging for the first time that you cannot learn from history by pretending it never happened. Even Loose Women had their say. The Reckoning, ultimately, offered an understanding of Savile's sick and twisted ways, but questions do remain. Most obviously, how are we to stop another Savile without further analysing those who stood by him? Darien's plea at the end must be headed so that history does not repeat the same conceits.
19. Heartstopper
'I want to tell people. But, it's so hard to find the right time.' The endearing Netflix series that became a global hit returned in 2022 and makes it into From The North's 'Best Of' list for the second year running. It picked up the blossoming romance between Charlie (Joe Locke) and Nick (Kit Connor), who came out as bisexual to his wonderfully supportive mother (Olivia Colman) at the end of the first series. Now, Nick texts with typical teenaged confusion: 'Why is being Out so complicated?' The new series promised to give us more about Charlie and Nick's friends, including Elle (Yasmin Finney) as well as a class trip to Paris. With hilarious consequences as they used to say in TV Times. The show, based on the webcomics by Alice Oseman, retained its tone of matter-of-fact acceptance of its LGBTQ+ characters, as well as its charm and warmth. The Gruniad, which had called the first series 'adorable', this time said, said 'It's television with the guts to be radically sensitive and that never gets old.' There were also positive, sensitive and understanding reviews from a wide range of media organs such as The Age, Starburst, Vanity Fair, The Queer Review, USA Today, Rolling Stain and the Torygraph among others. And, one appallingly agenda-soaked sneer from That Awful Woman at The Times with a face like sour milk, who claimed: 'To say there's nothing in their lives that's difficult or awkward is to totally understate the glossy, fairy-lighted, skipping, giggling little one-note cocoon these annoying gits live in.' This blogger will leave it entirely up to From The North's dear blog readers as to whom they find the more 'annoying git' in this particular equation. The Digital Spy website called the series 'the cosy comfort blanket of teen shows' adding 'we don't mean that as a bad thing.' Good. Because, it's isn't. In a television landscape where the troubled teens like those on Euphoria often dominate, whom among us couldn't use a warm and fluffy comfort blanket in these troubled, wretched times?
20. Nolly
'They have plans for the future of the show and they don't include you.' Any new show - or, even, any old show - from Big Rusty, the creator of It's A Sin and Years & Years was reason enough to be excited, but when you combined that with a lead role from Helena Bonham Carter and the strange story of 1970s soap megastar Noelle Gordon, things got even more intriguing. A three-part mini-series, Nolly followed Gordon during her rise to massive stardom in Britain as Meg Richardson in the popular soap Crossroads, before her sudden and mysterious sacking from the show in 1981. Not so much a fall from grace as a push from a great height, as The Big Issue suggested. And then, the efforts to kick-start her career on the stage. Augustus Prew was delightful as Gordon's co-star Tony Adams as was From The North favourite Mark Gatiss, camping it up like a good'un as Larry Grayson. One of the first programmes to premiere on ITV's new streaming service, ITVX in February, Nolly received across-the--board critical acclaim. 'Funny and touching' according to the Torygraph, Variety declared Big Rusty's writing 'floats intriguing statements of purpose only for them to dissipate as we shuttle back and forth through a six-decade career. Whenever it allows itself to take a breath, Nolly approaches the depth and texture of Davies' best work.' 'This is a celebration, not a wake,' added the Herald. 'Ultimately we see Nolly not simply as a victim of men but of the changing television culture.' 'I went into this thinking it could be a laugh to write about a diva,' said Big Rusty himself. 'So I was surprised to find that everyone loved her.' Much like the series, in fact.
21. Annika
'Michael's probably going to ask why I waited sixteen years to tell him he's Morgan's father. I mean, it's a fair question!' The second series of the highly-regarded From The North favourite Nicola Walker vehicle premiered on Alibi just a few weeks after the first series (as featured in this blog's 2021 awards) finally got a terrestrial broadcast on the BBC. Annika Strandhed (Walker) is a Detective Inspector heading up the newly-formed, Glasgow-based, Marine Homicide Unit. The relationship between Annika and Morgan, her teenage daughter (Silvie Furneaux), is the basis for sub-plots across the episodes. In a brilliant story-telling device, Annika regularly breaks the fourth wall to communicate directly with the audience about aspects of the current case and her personal reflections. Add in a quality support cast (From The North favourite Paul McGann, Kate Dickie, Jamie Sives) and creator Nick Walker (no relation)'s adaptation of his own Radio 4 drama is a winner on just about every level. Annika has broken records to become Alibi's most-watched drama for at least seven years. 'Thank the Lord for Annika, which once again seemed to appear out of nowhere to restore one's faith in TV drama,' gushed the Herald whilst The Times suggested that 'The plot was looser than old knicker elastic, but what is strong about this series is the dynamic between Strandhed and her colleague DS Michael McAndrews.' Unsurprisingly, That Awful Singh Woman at the Torygraph hated it. A useful reminder to this viewer that there are some of his fellow television reviewers whom he has such a low regard for, he actually finds it painful when one of them likes something he does. It's Keith Telly Topping's problem, dear blog readers, he's just going to have to deal with it. 'Mare of Easttown it is most assuredly not,' noted The Killing Time website after saying how good it was to have Nicola back on our screens. But, it concluded that 'it's still worth a watch.' And, if you look up 'damning with faint phrase' on Google, you'll find that somewhere near the top of the list.
22. Barry
'I'm really sorry, I didn't think it would end up like this.' As Bill Hader's jet-black HBO comedy went along, the darkness threatened to fully subsume the comedy section of the equation. Indeed, by the fourth and final series of Barry, the uneasy balance which gave the show its singular tone had tipped almost completely into abject, utter despair. Everyone, it seems, was on a downward curve: Hader's titular hitman-turned-actor was in prison for murdering a police officer; the dreams of stardom of his on-off girlfriend, Sally (Sarah Goldberg) were as dead as the man she killed in self-defence and Barry Berkman's mentor (the magnificent Henry Winkler) was wracked with paranoia and narcissism. Amazingly, though, when Barry wanted to be funny, it was still funnier than many alleged comedies on TV - see, for instance, Fred Armisen's hilariously gory botched assassination attempt in episode three. It didn't, quite, end in the way this blogger had expected, relying on a few convenient plot contrivances and a conceptually fascinating but a bit disorientating time-jump to get where it wants to go. But even as it got increasingly challenging to watch, Barry was equally difficult to turn away from, right up to its bitter, bleak, painfully ironic finale (told in part, brilliantly, as a TV-movie-within-a-TV-series). Barry's most ambitious series according to New Yorker, it 'took those risks a step further ... tying themes together from the entire run in a way that feels more dangerous and definitive, even if one didn't know it was the last season,' added The Playlist. It was drama that 'took us for a wild ride over four heart-pounding seasons. This show's trajectory is something I never could have predicted,' considered Geek Girl Authority whilst Uprox concluded that Hader, who directed every episode of the final series, 'is an absurdly talented man.' Even one of the few negative reviews the final series had, from Polygon, made an interesting point that, in the author's view, Barry 'arguably fails because the moral worldview constructed by Hader and his co-writers is too strong and all of its characters are subservient to it.' Ultimately, the final word on Barry goes to TV Insider's Matt Roush who noted that 'laughter sticks in the throat in a savage satire that never plays it safe.' Safety was something that Barry never got even close to. And, therein lay it's greatness.
23. Silo
'What if what we see is not what's out there?' Apple TV+ has become perhaps the most consistently quality streamer of late and here was another great debut series: a dystopian SF drama, based on the novels by Hugh Howey. Set in the not-too-distant future, it finds humankind retreated to a huge underground complex to live in as the world outside becomes increasingly uninhabitable. But, its residents are kept in the dark as to exactly what happened to drive them down there in the first place - until various people, including Sheriff Holston (David Oyelowo) and engineer Juliette (Rebecca Ferguson) become suspicious about the regime and the rhetoric that is had been spoon-feeding them all these years. The whole thing is beautifully conceived, from the production design of the enclosed, shut-off, concrete and metal world to the drama's intriguing plotting and shifting sense of dislocation and paranoia. As John Nugent of Empire noted: 'It is a riveting puzzle-box mystery of a series, which across its ten episodes borrows elements of Swiftian satire, chilly Cold War-era political conspiracies, dusty small-town Western showdowns, doing-the-work police procedurals and even philosophical thought experiments.' With some impressive names further down the cast (Tim Robbins, Harriet Walter, Iain Glen, Geraldine James), Atli Örvarsson's atonal, eerie score and cleverly structured world-building, Silo was, as Rotten Tomatoes said, 'a mystery box well-worth opening.' The Chicago Sun-Times wrote that the series 'holds our interest with intriguing characters and effective twists and turns' and took note of how Silo 'shifts gears through a number of genres, from conspiracy thriller to big-picture social commentary to police procedural to end-times romance.' The Gruniad Morning Star suggested, rightly for once, that the 'world-building is meticulous' and 'the story is equally thrilling.' Washington's WTOP News perceptively added that 'the claustrophobia is palpable for viewers after COVID-19 and Canadian wildfires. The same dynamics emerge of folks questioning the system with references to "The Before Times," a phrase that describes the era before our real world changed in March 2020.' Of course, not everyone liked it, some cheb-end named Jesper (no, really) gave it a stinker of a review in the Torygraph whilst That Awful Woman at The Times with a face like sour milk sneered: 'This is one of those intensely watchable, peerlessly silly sci-fi shows in which people repeatedly say things like: "But you cannot leave the silo!"' Forget such rank, ignorant genre snobbishness, dear blog reader, this was top quality television.
24. Wilderness
'If you'd have seen us, you'd have hated us. This perfect, happy couple.' Ah, Jenna Coleman, dear blog reader. Lovely, brilliant From The North favourite Jenna. Has she ever been in anything that her presence hasn't, significantly, improved? Well, possibly Victoria, although that was only difficult to take seriously because every time Tom Hughes as Prince Albert told another character 'she's ze Qveen' you expected the next line to be '... of ze rapping scene.' This blogger digresses. Fresh from her triumphant appearance on 2022's From The North TV show of the year, The Sandman, Wilderness saw Jenna star in a twisted Hitchcockian love story full of lies, secrets and sour and rotten doings. Opposite Oliver Jackson-Cohen, Coleman played a woman who planned to take revenge on her cheating husband during a holiday in America's national parks that was, in theory, designed to repair their broken marriage. The Amazon Prime six-part drama was adapted by Marnie Dickens from the novel by BE Jones and arrived on the streaming platform in September. The drama was criticised for its overreliance on generic tropes by The Hollywood Reporter ('too junky and not junky enough' they sneered, whatever the Hell that nonsense means) but it received broadly positive reviews from The Times, the Boston Globe, the Observer and the New York Post; the latter suggested that despite Wilderness's faults (and it did have a few), 'there's a lot to like here in an entertaining drama about infidelity, revenge and a road trip gone awry.' Jenna 'keeps playing psychopaths because she's good at it,' wrote another critic, 'violence gleaming in those enormous doll eyes (although the Welsh accent she attempts here is regrettable).' Oh, was it supposed to be Welsh? Well, you know what they say, dear blog reader? You can take the girl out of Blackpool, but ...
25. The Brokenwood Mysteries
'Where's Liam Neeson and his special set of skills when you need him?' Television 'is the business of compromise,' this blogger's co-author Paul Cornell wrote in The Guinness Book Of Classic British TV (1993) with regard to The Prisoner. Never was this observation more applicable than when looking at the phenomena that is The Brokenwood Mysteries. The ninth series of the From The North favourite and 'Best Of' list regular began in the UK on the Drama Channel in September. As noted in previous years, The Brokenwood Mysteries is a series which, initially at least, rather crept under the radar of many British viewers - this blogger included. It's a New Zealand crime drama which is unable to make up its mind whether it wants to be Midsomer Murders or Twin Peaks. So, rather wonderfully, it ends up as a bit of both, simultaneously! And, trust this blogger, that's actually a good thing. 'With its "gentle" approach to murders, twisty mysteries and warm, witty and relatively uncomplicated regulars, it's easy to see why Brokenwood has gained such a global following,' noted the Stuff website, later adding: 'True, it's not exactly cutting-edge drama, but it offers ... twisty mysteries and entertaining, comfortable viewing.' Maybe that's the secret; if viewers go in expecting something dark and gritty they're going to be disappointed. If, on the other hand, they subscribe to a 'goes down nice with a cup of milky tea and biscuit, Missus' mind-set, this is a real winner. The central detective trio of Neill Rea, Fern Sutherland and Jarod Rawiri were on particularly good form this year, with Cristina Ionda's ghoulish and matter-of-fact pathologist, Gina, throwing in atom bombs of caustic wit from the side-lines. And the series opener, Brokenwood: The Musical was especially good, bizarre - at times, hilarious - fun. Engaging, quirky, with a keen sense of its own ridiculous faux-naïf world (concerning, as it does, a small town full of strange eccentrics which appears to be the murder capital of the Southern Hemisphere), Brokenwood's charms are gentle, yet remain very rewarding. If you haven't caught this one yet, dear blog reader - and this blogger realises he says this, or a variant of it, most years - do yourself a favour, find some and watch it. A tenth series is, reportedly, currently in production.
26. Beef
'I have a very full life that I'd love to get back to!' If this Netflix series was sold as a 'road rage drama' (and, it was), then the moment at which Los Angeles residents Amy (Ali Wong) and Danny (Steven Yeun) clash in a car park is really just a starting point. For a darkly funny show in which events spiral out of control in unexpected ways as the duos lives become ever-more intertwined. Korean director Lee Sung Jin's spiky black comedy - a kind of Falling Down with frequent belly laughs - was a watch-through-your-fingers experience; a burst of fury and existential despair that will, this blogger suspects, chime even with people who would never dream of pursuing a road rage incident to the point of catastrophic self-sabotage. That's the spiralling scenario which Yeun's struggling handyman and Wong's unhappy entrepreneur fall into over ten propulsive, turbo-charged episodes. The two collide and re-collide in a show which gives over-the-top expression to the stresses and neuroses of much modern day living. For those who are yet to catch Beef, it wouldn't do to give too much away about what happens, except to say that the social satire of the earlier episodes quickly dissipates and doesn't prepare you for moments of both the gruesome and the surreal later on. Wong and Yeun are both astounding, from different sides of the class divide but equally highly-strung and are backed by a superb ensemble of supporting actors, from Maria Bello as a hideous Gwyneth Paltrow-esque lifestyle guru to Young Mazino as Danny's sweet brother, Paul. The Chicago Sun-Times described Beef as 'bold, darkly funny, emotionally bruising, provocative and wicked-smart social satire.' Comparing it to Falling Down and Changing Lanes 'with a touch of The White Lotus,' they claimed that it was the best series they had seen all year. 'At first, this simple yet amusing premise seems better suited to a ninety-minute feature than a ten-episode series. But it soon becomes apparent that Lee is doing more than just a live-action Looney Tunes bit,' added Time and wondered why Netflix don't make more shows like this. It's a valid question; at a time when the company has been cutting back on genuinely bold and subversive content, this stands out as a rare, majestic gem. Bobby Krlic's soundtrack is worth its weight in gold too.
27. Litvinenko
'I need to report a murder.' 'Whose murder?' 'Mine.' Alexei Navalney (see above), despite currently being banged up in The Gulag for looking at The Butcher Of Grozny in a funny way or some-such hideous crime, had one genuine stroke of luck. Unlike Alex Litvinenko, he's still alive. The, if-it-wasn't-true-you'd-never-be-able-to-make-it-up story of Litvinenko's murder by Polonium-210 poisoning in London in 2006 had already been the subject of numerous documentaries (including 2017's acclaimed From The North favourite Hunting The KGB Killers). It was only a matter of time before it got turned into an ITV biopic with national heartthrob David Tennant in the title role. However, the dramatisation was more about the ten-year fight of Marina Litvinenko (Margarita Levieva) and a team of Met police officers (including Mark Bonner, Sam Troughton and Neil Maskell) as they worked, to date unsuccessfully, to prove the guilt and release the names of those responsible for the murder of Marina's husband. Tennant met with the real Marina and said that he felt a responsibility to her, adding 'it's so relevant to the world we live in what happened to that man and the things that he spent his life talking about and that his wife Marina, who is an extraordinary human, is still doing. The reason we tell that story is because it's so raw and vivid and important.' George Kay's script was largely based on police interview files. The series, broadcast in the final days of December 2022, was a ratings success, albeit receiving largely sniffy notices from the broadsheets. Elsewhere, it was a different story. 'The series wants you to know, or at least believe, that this is how things actually went down and if that means that Litvinenko is dry, choppy and only limitedly satisfying? That, I guess, is the price of fidelity,' wrote The Hollywood Reporter. 'A drama that reeks of authenticity' said The Times. 'Litvinenko manages to walk a fine line, respecting the humanity of the man murdered at the centre of this story and the mystery thriller aspect,' according to Tell-Tale TV. Whilst some critics whinged about the 'unsatisfying' nature of the denouement (perhaps expecting that the story would, somehow, invent a climax that included the arrest of a bunch of random Borises and Ivans), the final episode, with its leitmotif of a smiling Putin on a TV screen told a much more important story. That you can get away with murder, it would seem, if you're brazen about it and if you have enough murderers in your employ. The fact that Putin and his murderers are, allegedly, still getting away with the same sick shit in 2023 is the main reason to justify Litvinenko's existence.
28. Shrinking
'Are you just gonna burn down your career and take me with you?' 'Coin-flip?' 'Get outta here.' 'This is my office.' 'That took you longer than it should've!' Harrison Ford, in unlikely-but-brilliant comic mode, would be reason enough to watch this Apple TV+ series, but Shrinking does something unexpected and challenging to pull-off its ultimate hand. It balances a heartfelt dramatic tone in a story of grief with some funny, character-based humour. Very funny. Jason Segel, also one of the series' creators (along with Bill Lawrence and Brett Goldstein), plays Jimmy an endearing, but at times utterly useless, therapist. A year after his wife has died, he decides to tell his patients how to run their lives. Much of the wit comes from the way his colleagues try to save him from himself; Ford brings perfect deadpan delivery to the role of Paul, a senior therapist who is also Jimmy's irascible friend and mentor. Jessica Williams is another colleague and, together, she and Ford can make a disagreement about how much water to drink in a day a genuine comic delight. As the characters reveal more and more flaws as the series progresses, they also become, oddly, more likable to the audience for all their imperfections. Shrinking has far darker ideas on its mind than an earnest approach would suggest it can translate, but Segel and Ford's sparkling witty turns make these characters worth sticking with for all ten episodes. 'On its own terms, the show is a bright spot in a very crowded landscape that isn't always this good at taking pain and decency - and comedy - and giving them all room to breathe,' wrote NPR. 'Shrinking reminds us that Ford can be funny when given the chance. Really funny,' added the Capital Times. The Gruniad Morning Star agreed: 'It is Ford - in only his second-ever small screen role and the first to let him remind us all of his comic as well as dramatic chops - who holds it all together.' Perhaps the Wall Street Journal best expressed what makes Shrinking work: 'The overall sense is a little like laughing at a funeral; the human impulses are familiar, a little perverse and somehow comforting!' A second series has, unsurprisingly, been commissioned.
29. Rosie Molloy Gives Up Everything
'That takes us from Keith Richards to Lindsay Lohan. And she still looks hot!' Another show from the back-end of last year (with the final episode going out on New Year's Day), Rosie Molloy Gives Up Everything was a Sky Comedy series, created and written by Susan Nickson and starring From The North favourites Sheridan Smith, Ardal O'Hanlon and Pauline McLynn. Sheridan plays the titular thirtysomething, who has a well-paid partnership position in a Manchester accountancy firm. But the stressed workaholic has been self-medicating - with alcohol, drugs, cigarettes, sex and even Terry's Chocolate Oranges. After an embarrassing incident at her brother's wedding, she wakes up in hospital and decides to change her life which, crucially, means giving up as the title suggests everything. Her parents and friends, however, are no help at all ('therapy is for people who've no one to go for a pint with!') Worse, is the realisation that perhaps it isn't the addictions that are her problem in the first place. More of a comedy-drama than a drama with some funny bits, the Gruniad Morning Star said: 'It's gags galore in Sheridan Smith's hilarious new comedy. The actor's captivating turn as an out-of-control hedonist has a script stuffed with jokes.' The Times agreed: 'Some vehicles work better for Sheridan Smith than others, but Rosie Molloy Gives Up Everything is a rocket for her talent,' adding: 'Its irreverence probably won't please some. Rosie Molloy is a mess, but a damn funny one.' The Independent praised the series' 'great deal of dramatic tension. It's comical, in the darkest kind of way. In Smith's spirited (no pun intended) performance, our Rosie is a kind of engaging Mancunian good-time girl who'll try anything once ' and then get addicted to it.' Sheridan was, as usual for this gifted actress, a force of nature in a role which she managed to make, simultaneously, ridiculous and sympathetic with consummate ease.
30. Foundation
'I have dreams sometimes about things that will happen. And I wake up terrified.' How is it, dear bloggerisationism-type individuals, that Apple's Foundation, a visually spectacular adaptation of one of the most famous SF novel series of all time, is somehow one of the least talked-about shows on television? Created by David S Goyer and Josh Friedman and loosely based on the works of Isaac Asimov, Foundation is set in a distant future where The Galactic Empire is ruled by a Genetic Dynasty of cloned emperors. When mathematician Hari Seldon (Jared Harris) develops a complex algorithm to predict the future, he and his Foundation are banished to a remote planet. Series Two, broadcast in July, picked up one hundred and thirty years later: Lee Pace's Brother Day seeks to shore up The Empire's maximum power (and shake-up The Genetic Dynasty) by making a strategic marriage, while The Foundation, now the subject of a fast-emerging religion, faces new external and internal threats. Foundation's best scenes involve Pace as The Empire's egotistical tyrant and Laura Birn as Demerzel, his steely android majordomo. Demerzel's centuries-long history of service to The Empire finally comes into view and the push and pull between this soulful android and her utterly soulless human master makes for some of television's most conceptually fascinating SF. 'Impressively imaginative,' according to The Times, 'dripping with production value and excellent performances' claimed The Wrap, 'except perhaps Battlestar Galactica, rarely have we seen such a complex and well-built world to tell us something so dense and full of ramifications,' added Espinof. Though the latter said so in Spanish, so you'll have to take this blogger's word for it. 'Foundation is a true spectacle, there's no denying that,' wrote Ready Steady Cut. 'The visuals and the world-building are on another level. This is a sci-fi fanatic's dream come true.' It isn't too late to tune into Foundation. Certainly, it can seem a daunting prospects for the newbie - it's a vast, talky and complex epic that makes Dune look like an episode of Lost In Space. But, for the patient viewer who is prepared to put in some work, it is endlessly rewarding. A third series began filming in May in Prague, but was halted in July, as a result of the - now resolved - Hollywood industry disputes.
31. The Sixth Commandment
'Ben lived with him, then Peter got ill. Then Ben lived with my aunt and she got ill.' Written by Sarah Phelps and directed by Saul Dibb, The Sixth Commandment is far from the sometimes exploitative style that viewers have come to associate with the true crime genre, especially in relation to a case of so recent vintage. Instead, this four-part BBC drama centred the lives of the victims, academic and novelist Peter Farquhar and his neighbour, Ann Moore-Martin, who were murdered in the Buckinghamshire village of Maids Moreton in 2014 and 2017. From The North favourite Timothy Spall is impeccable as Farquhar, as is Anne Reid playing Moore-Martin, bringing humanity, nuance and insight into their lives. The series follows the sinister, tragic circumstances involving their deaths, the web of manipulation, control and deception police would need to untangle in their investigation and the court case, when devastating revelations would be made and proved. Sheila Hancock, Éanna Hardwicke, Annabel Scholey and Ben Bailey Smith also featured in a shocking tale of gaslighting, jealousy and cruelty. The Gruniad praised the writing, directing and performances and called it 'as immaculate a piece of TV as you will ever see.' The Torygraph also lauded the performances and said the drama 'never forgets Field's victims were real and suffered horribly.' The Sixth Commandment 'is so harrowing it borders on unwatchable. It also might well be the best television drama of the year,' added The Australian whilst The Times described it as 'heart-breaking, compelling drama'. Here, again, is the sort of television which viewers don't appreciate they need until they are confronted by it.
32. Star Trek: Strange New Worlds
'Our job puts us up against death. We might not like it but we do have to face it.' Is there anything better than television that really, deeply and proudly knows itself and its responsibilities? Star Trek: Strange New Worlds is a great show for a number of reasons. The cast, already strong in its first series, have become more relaxed and playful in the SF drama's second year. It is capable of encompassing a broad tonal range, swinging from bowel-shatteringly horrid horror to brilliantly funny comedy hijinks and back again in space of three episodes. It also - and this is important - understands how to tie thoughtful character development together with story-arcs, which benefits both sides of that equation: Characters like Spock (Ethan Peck), Ortegas (Melissa Navia), Pike (Anson Mount) and Christine Chapel (Jess Bush) feel more nuanced, while the stories they drive are allowed to reach satisfying ends. Following the opening two-parter, episodes like Tomorrow & Tomorrow & Tomorrow (a time-travel vehicle for introducing Jim Kirk), Charades (possibly the funniest conceit that the Star Trek franchise has ever attempted) and Those Old Scientists (well, expect for this one, obviously!) rammed home the message that Strange New Worlds does what it does and does it brilliantly. Not just to pleasure the fans (though they do that easily enough, anyway) but also to satisfy those who wouldn't know their dilithium crystals from their trans-warp conduits and simply want to enjoy fine, character-based storytelling. Even the much-debated musical episode (Subspace Rhapsody) worked. And, in existing, it also gloriously pissed off a few stuffy old farts who, frankly, deserved a bit of pissing off. But what most defines Strange New World is absolute confidence in what makes this series work. It takes big swings and it stays rooted in an old-school-TV outlook which values generosity of spirit, warmth and broad appeal. 'Many Trek series have failed at this adventure-of-the-week storytelling, especially when trying to mix it with bigger-picture storylines. Worlds feels effortless,' suggested USA Today (correctly). It feels, to grown-up viewers, like being fourteen again and watching the TV you love when you know you should really be doing your homework. Filming for next year's third series has been, as with a lot of US series, delayed due to the recently-ended actors strike.
33. The Gold
'We're looking for six robbers and three tons of gold. Money like that will end up in surprising places with surprising people.' The gaping hole left by Happy Valley in the BBC's crime drama schedule was quickly filled by this super-pacy six-part race through the notorious Brink's-Mat bullion robbery of 1983, one of the UK's biggest heists of all time. And one of its most dramatised, too (1992's Fools Gold, 2003's Brinks Mat: The Greatest Heist, last year's The Curse to name but three). The Gold's graciously grey rendering of 1980s London - full of grim pubs, battered motors and suburban gangsters - was spot-on, but some artistic licence was taken by author Neil Forsyth, as the show's most engaging character, Charlotte Spencer's no-bullshit detective Nicki Jennings, sadly never existed. Starring Hugh Bonneville, Dominic Cooper, Sean Harris, Jack Lowden and Tom Cullen, the series was a ratings hit for BBC1 in February. The Times said of the series, 'it's tremendous. I'm not sure there's been a drama like it in years.' The Sunday Times called The Gold 'astonishingly, lavishly [and] well realised,' while Esquire suggested it was 'British TV at its best' and had 'all the hallmarks of a crime classic.' The Radio Times (which used to be written by adults) said it was 'an intricately crafted crime drama.' The Culture Whisper website considered that The Gold 'proves that shows dealing in largely British matters are just as ambitious as prestige American television.' The New Statesman called it 'outstandingly enjoyable TV,' with the Evening Standard adding: 'a truly smart British crime drama with a classic feel and a knockout cast.' There was some criticism of the perceived 'sympathetic' portrayal of Kenneth Noye (played by Lowden) from the family of the man whom he murdered in a road-rage incident in 1996 (reported, with some glee, by the Independent). Forsyth commented on the morality of the story, saying that the production was not seeking 'a black-and-white reading of it. No-one in the show is an out-and-out criminal living in a world dictated by criminality. They've got families and lives.' Which some may view as a rather backhanded way of turning Micky McAvoy, Brian Robinson, Noye et al into Thatcher-era Robin Hoods; so it is worth pointing out at this juncture that, in reality, their idea of robbing from the rich and giving to the poor was robbing from the rich (whilst tooled-up and threatening to burn people alive if they didn't do as instructed) and keeping it. Just for the sake of balance. Nevertheless, if you make a drama with as many plus-points as this, you're allowed a few liberties with the truth.
34. White House Plumbers
'Howard, that is the stupidest thing I've ever heard!' Political comedies are nothing new (see, Veep, The Thick Of It, Yes, Minister et al), but biographical political comedies are still pretty niche. White House Plumbers suggests that could change. But only if you find a political situation ridiculous enough to warrant this sort of treatment. Following fruitcake White House insiders Howard Hunt (Woody Harrelson) and Gordon Liddy (Justin Theroux), the two Nixon allies ultimately responsible for the Watergate fiasco, HBO's re-telling of one of American history's most pivotal controversies included several fine performances (Theroux actually underplayed good old mental G Gordon something this blogger wasn't sure was even possible). And, it included comedic sequences which were both witty and absurd in equal measure. Based, very loosely, on low-level conspirator Bud Krogh's memoire, Integrity, the series - by Alex Gregory and Peter Huyck - occasionally got bogged down by its zealous ambition to adhere to historical fact, but with actors this appealing and material which was, truly, stranger than fiction, it managed to make most of the main players appear every bit as foolish as real life events suggest they were. Lena Headey was terrific as Hunt's far-smarter wife, Domhnall Gleeson a brilliantly frustrated 'why am I surround by idiots?' John Dean and Toby Huss a 'who is he really working for?' James McCord. The scene where the latter, having been arrested at the Watergate is refusing to give his identity to the arresting officer when another cop walks by and says, casually, 'Oh, hi Jim!' was priceless. 'A farce that recognises the Watergate scandal as a political tragedy that has acquired the requisite historical distance to turn it into amiable, if not electric, comedy,' said the Independent. 'Americans may find it depressing but, for everyone else, it is a period hoot begging to be binged,' added the Torygraph. Perhaps unsurprisingly, American critics were generally harsher, although Brian Lowry's description of the show as 'a lightweight companion to All The President's Men, presenting the flip side of all that planning and frantic covering up by what amounted to Keystone Criminals,' proved that some people across the Atlantic actually did get the joke.
35. Wolf
'Why are you doing this?' 'We want you to be scared.' Not to be confused with the Sky crime drama Wolfe (which was okay, but nothing special), Wolf was an intensely twisty six-part thriller from the BBC, broadcast in the late summer. It was adapted from Mo Hayder's series of Jack Caffery novels by Megan Gallagher and starred The Midwich Cuckoos' Ukweli Roach as Detective Inspector Caffery, who was trying to find the truth behind his ten-year-old brother's murder in the 1990s. Meanwhile, a terrifying duo played by Doctor Who's Sacha Dhawan and Game Of Thrones' Iwan Rheon took a wealthy family (including a husband and wife played by Owen Teale and Juliet Stevenson) hostage in their own home, resulting in a disturbing race against time. It was made by Sherlock producers, Hartswood Films and featured some of the most disturbing and tense moments of drama seen on telly all year. Only a slight bagginess in a couple of episodes let it down, somewhat. Plus, as more than one online reviewer has noted, if you live in a palatial gaff in the middle of nowhere and, one day, The Master and Ramsey Bolton turn up at your door and ring the bell, do not let them in under any circumstances! Being both grisly and darkly humorous in places, it wasn't going to be to all tastes and a few of the usual suspects lined-up to give it a right kicking. Take The Times, for instance ('a candy-floss rush of unsatisfied longing, it is one of the most repulsive things I've seen.'). And, the Torygraph ('a deep unpleasantness spoils this offbeat thriller'). Others, like the Evening Standard, found more to enjoy ('the series initially asks a lot of the audience. But ultimately it provides such a worthy pay-off that it's almost worth the producers adding an endnote reading "trust us ... stick with this," to the end of the early intense, but shallow episodes'). This blogger considers the Gruniad's claim that 'this totally wild thriller has to be seen to be believed' is much closer to the mark.
36. A Spy Among Fiends
'Treason. That's what I'm accusing you of.' A six-part Cold War espionage drama, based on Nicholas Elliott's decades-long friendship of and betrayal by Kim Philby. The source text was Ben Macintyre's bestselling book (previously, made by the author into a fine two-part BBC documentary, Kim Philby: His Most Intimate Betrayal, a 2014 From The North 'Best Of' nominee). It first arrived on the, then new, ITVX streaming service in December 2022 before getting a July slot on ITV. The star-studded line-up included Damien Lewis, Anna Maxwell Martin, Guy Pearce and Ade Edmondson and the series was nominated in the best mini-series category at the BAFTAs. More cerebral than action-packed, A Spy Among Fiends was an intelligent tale of espionage elevated by a pair of sterling performances from Lewis and Pearce. Maxwell-Martin, whom this blogger sometimes finds a bit too much like hard work to actually enjoy her acting, gave one of her finer performances as the fictious intelligence officer Lily Thomas. 'Watching it again confirmed that what I really like about A Spy Among Friends is its slow-burning quality. It is dialogue, rather than action, driven and that means you have to concentrate. That's something of a lost art these days,' suggested Ireland's Sunday Independent. The Times spoke of 'the cloistered, nicotine-stained rooms [which] feel deliberately evocative of the best John Le Carré adaptations, to which this occasionally feels like an homage, while flashbacks to 1930s Vienna and wartime London add texture to the story.' The series 'is more Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, Spy than The Spy Who Loved Me, with a stellar ensemble that makes even the most seemingly drab and dry scenes (two people in a room, talking) feel like high-stakes drama with spidery diplomatic repercussions' added The AV Club. 'Anyone who relishes the extended interrogations in Line Of Duty will be mesmerised by this six-part series, which amounts to one long cross-examination,' said the Daily Scum Mail. Few television dramas, as Australia's The Age noted, 'have made hypocrisy so compelling.' You see, dear blog reader. When they put their minds to it, ITV really can produce stuff that isn't disgraceful, characterless, bland and banal rubbish. Good for them.
37. Endeavour
'I suppose I thought things would just go on. But then, they don't.' After eleven years, nine series and thirty six movie-length episodes of classy investigative drama, the Inspector Morse and Lewis prequel's final series wrapped up all of its (many) loose ends with a fan-pleasing valedictory lap and a justified bow to the grandstand. There were, of course, Jags, real ales and the ever-growing sense of an investigator out-of-step with the times in which he finds himself. The enigmatic last episode (Exeunt) was the perfect way to say farewell to Shaun Evans as the titular detective sergeant and to set Endeavour Morse on the road to the melancholy alcoholism and depression which characterised John Thaw's portrayal; but, not without the odd compellingly unanswered question, of course. As with previous series, all three of the final episodes contained little one-liners of foreshadowing for the two series to which this was a prequel (Morse mentioning to Fred Thursday that a murder victim, Andrew Lewis, has a cousin in Newcastle - a bright young police cadet called Robert). The climactic gathering of the cast for Jim Strange and Joanie's wedding was the best possible way to end a series that always deserved far greater critical acclaim than it ever received. But which, nevertheless, gave its huge audience exactly what they wanted. 'Each scene they share reminds us of what we'll be missing when Thursday and Morse finally part. But these episodes also close out their time and ours satisfactorily,' wrote the Salon website. 'With close to perfect pitch, this very final denouement had you sitting ever more uncomfortably,' added the Torygraph. As this blogger noted when putting the second series of Endeavour in his 'Best Of' list for 2014, Russell Lewis 'devised a powerful thriller with the grandeur of The Shadow Line or State Of Play ... Endeavour always feels contemporary despite the lack of smartphones and computers. Nevertheless, the series has managed to remain a period drama without ever coming across as anachronistic.' Sometimes, dear blog reader, we don't appreciate what we've got until it's gone. This blogger has a feeling that, much like both of its predecessors, in years to come people will look back on Endeavour as a genuine high-watermark in detective drama.
38. Hijack
'Operation has commenced. The plane is under control.' Reanimating that long-dormant movie genre, the aeroplane hijacking thriller, almost on the back of Idris Elba's charisma alone, this Apple TV+ seven-parter was best embraced as high-adrenalin, high-altitude hokum rather than a gleaming slice of prestige telly. More 24 than United 93, if you will. Hijack started strongly, introducing Elba's sharp-witted business negotiator on a Dubai to London flight as he subtly disrupted the power dynamics of the hijackers and their captives. And demonstrated an ability to keep the cortisol levels high as Neil Maskell's band of mysterious skyjackers slowly lost control of the situation. The overcrowded, underwritten ensemble of characters on the ground felt like discards from an episode of From The North favourite [spooks], but the almost-in-real-time 24-like device worked a treat, with fatigue-impaired judgments lending unpredictability to the on-board scenes. Switching viewpoints between the chaos erupting on the plane and those reacting on the ground, it was a compelling, pulse-racing story of criminal agendas and human foibles. From The North favourites Eve Myles, Max Beesley, Simon McBurney, Hattie Morahan, Holly Aird, Kevin Eldon and Julia Deakin cropped up at various points - either on the plane or off it. Hijack became the second Apple TV+ show - after Ted Lasso - to be listed on the Nielsen streaming rankings when it received three hundred and fifty seven million minutes of viewing time. 'Largely devoid of storytelling turbulence and benefitting greatly from its real-time pacing, Hijack is a glossy but effective thriller that achieves genuine lift-off,' noted Rotten Tomatoes, on especially pun-tastic form. 'The series is patently ridiculous,' suggested the Globe & Mail 'and features just a little too much time following characters on the ground (including Archie Panjabi's anti-terrorism agent) instead of those in the sky. But Elba can sell the silliest of premises with ease.' Like its title, Hijack 'gets to the point and zeroes in on the business at hand,' added the San Francisco Chronicle. Hijack 'largely succeeds because it dances around clichés with finesse,' said the Den Of Geek website. Even the Gruniad whom, one suspected, disapproved of this on general principle on the grounds that travelling in aeroplanes kills baby seals (or something) quite liked it. Hijack, incidentally, is scriptwriter George Kay's third entry into this year's From The North 'Best Of' list (after The Long Shadow and Litvinenko).
39. Best Interests
'They don't get to decide what to do. Promise me you will fight for her.' If you'd like to watch two of Britain's best actors absolutely obliterate your heart, dear blog reader, watch Best Interests. Sharon Horgan and Michael Sheen are at the top of their game in Jack Thorne's four-part BBC series, following the devastating experience of parents whose child's health rapidly deteriorates. Set in Cheltenham, the series hinges on Nicci (Horgan) and Andrew (Sheen), whose daughter Marnie (Niamh Moriarty) has muscular dystrophy. From their other daughter Katie (Alison Oliver) to Marnie's doctor Samantha (Noma Dumezweni), Best Interests' brings complexity and humanity to the characters as they navigate the awful practicalities which lie ahead. Horgan - whose work, like Anna Maxwell Martin (see above) this blogger sometimes struggles to enjoy - gave one of the most touching performances of her career, as did From The North favourite Sheen, as the series kept one unimaginable question at its heart: When your child's illness reaches unfathomable depths, who decides what is 'best' for all concerned? 'Anchored by a raft of excellent performances, this is a powerful, moving story of the impossible decisions facing the parents of seriously ill children,' said the Independent. 'It's brutal, at times overwrought. But in the end, yes, there is a powerful and moving redemption that feels beautiful and true,' added the Torygraph. 'Creatively, it wasn't much, but emotionally it was, as people now say, a lot,' whinged some shit of no importance at The Times. Sometimes, dear blog reader, with television you have to do some of the emotional heavy lifting yourself to get the most out of the experience. Best Interests was one of those instances.
40. The Woman In The Wall
'I can't tell what's real any more.' A six-part BBC Gothic detective drama created by Joe Murtagh and starring From The North favourite Ruth Wilson and Daryl McCormack and made by Motive Pictures, The Woman In The Wall focused on the three fundamental M's; Murder, mystery and morality. It concerned one woman's traumatic past which threatened to expose Ireland's most shocking and darkest secrets. Lorna (Wilson) wakes up to find the dead body of a woman in her house. Lorna has a long history of trauma-based sleepwalking that stretches back to her time spent in Ireland's controversial Magdalene Laundries. 'The story at its heart is so strong ... that it carries you along and the rest begins to make sense. Of course it has the tone of a horror story, because that's exactly what this was,' suggested That Awful Singh Woman at the Torygraph. The Times' Carol Midgley said 'As an artful portrait of deep, complex, messy pain it was magnificent.' 'It seethes with anger' added her colleague Hugo Rifkind. Not unexpectedly, it got a right kicking in Ireland ('the most misconceived drama of the year' according to some shrill and wholly non-agenda-soaked nobody at the Irish Independent). The skill of the writing and direction (by Rachna Suri) was, as has been noted by several reviewers, light, with several almost comic touches deployed on this darkest of dark materials. The titular corpse was, it turned out, merely a MacGuffin to push viewers into the right direction for what followed. No bad thing as it turned out.
41. Stonehouse
Fifty Three Extra-Primo-Rad Highlights Of Television In 2023:-
1. The Last Of Us
'When you're lost in the darkness, look for the light.' In 2022, From The North's favourite TV show, by a considerable distance, was an adaptation of a thirty five year old comic book, something which may once have produced an outpouring of abject scorn by 'serious' television critics who think they know what they're talking about (but, actually, don't). In 2023, From The North's favourite TV show, by a similar distance, was a nine-episode adaptation of a decade-old video game. Something which may once have produced an outpouring of scorn from this blogger. Such is the way in which television continues to surprise even the most cynical of viewers. 'Decades of mediocrity have conditioned us to expect nothing but the worst from video game adaptations, even when everything is there to suggest otherwise,' noted GQ. Just when it seemed there wasn't room for another post-apocalyptic drama (adaptation, or otherwise), The Last Of Us arrived and, well, rocked our world. The story involved terrifying mushroom-headed zombies, but they were the least of the many reasons for the show's impact. The drama brought deep humanity and emotion to its tense survival story, centred on the relationship between Joel (Pedro Pascal), a bereaved father and Ellie (the astonishing Bella Ramsey), an orphaned girl that Joel reluctantly agrees to transport across America to safety. As they travel West across what was once the USA, the changing landscape and the characters they encounter add range, variety, depth and the most touching pathos. An episode starring Nick Offerman and Murray Bartlett whose relationship endured over the two decades after the zombie apocalypse was one of the year's most poignant and perfect hours of TV; indeed it has been suggested (by no less an authority as From The North favourites Mark Kermode and Simon Mayo) that the term 'episode three' may now become a shorthand term for the moment when you suddenly realise that the TV show you are watching has become something very different from what you first imagined it to be. A meeting with Joel's lost brother was satisfying yet fraught with loss whilst the climax managed not to be a let-down by ending on an unresolved lie. Pascal got a well-deserved mainstream breakout with the role, as he grounded the genre elements with a powerful, realistic performance, earning him an EMMY nomination. And then there was From The North favourite Ramsey about whom a million words have already been written and million more will follow - all of them favourable. The Last Of Us spoke, eloquently, to people who never knew it was a video game in the first place. 'While the special effects are undeniably top-notch, this nine-part series was a hit that reached way beyond its gaming fanbase in large part due to the crisp, emotional storytelling, particularly with its two-handers,' noted The Times. Critically acclaimed by just about everyone who came into contact with it (one brain-dribbling fool at the National Review notwithstanding), this was tense, touching, frantic and soul-stirring television. It was, not to sugar-coat it too much dear blog reader, a sodding masterpiece. A second series has been commissioned though, whether it has a hope of living up to the impact and brilliance of the first is another question entirely.
'He's moseying. It's like if Santa Claus was a hit-man!' In its fourth and final series, the penetrating saga of money, power and family dysfunction (clearly not even remotely based on either the Murdochs or the Maxwells, oh no, very hot water) absolutely lived up to its grand, scintillating ambitions, scooping almost thirty EMMY nominations. The episode in which Logan Roy (series lynchpin Brian Cox) died was an artistic gem in and of itself, focused not on the dying man but rather on his distant, distraught children, brought to life by Jeremy Strong, Sarah Snook and Kieran Culkin with unsettling depth. In the end, the question of which Roy child would succeed their father to lead the Waystar Royco media empire was answered in a most surprising way, emphasising the idea that no one holds absolute power forever. Succession's portrait of greed and the changing media landscape was unrivalled, but creator Jesse Armstrong's most brilliant move was to embody it all in one broken extended family. 'Every word and beat deserves your attention, all of it and if you're not prepared to surrender it, then you're missing out,' wrote The Times' Hugo Rifkind (even if his colleague, that whinge-bucket with a face like sour milk Camilla Long couldn't resist making her mouth go to the contrary). With its vast ensemble cast (Matthew Macfadyen putting in one of his finest, most multi-layered performances, Nicholas Braun one of his most brilliantly comic) Succession holds a secure place among all but the thickest numbskull's list of the best TV drama series of all time. Better than The West Wing? No. Better than The Sopranos? No. But that was the astonishing heavyweight level at which Succession always punched.
'Have you been in a fight?' 'Several!' Television police officers are ten-a-penny at the best of times, but few of them ever felt quite so real, so right as Catherine Cawood, the simultaneously indomitable and fragile Northern policewoman played by Sarah Lancashire in Sally Wainwright's scintillating BBC procedural, which came to an end with a belter of a third series. In what was the greatest comeback since The West Wing, seven years on from the last run, the story picks up with Catherine close to retirement and having trouble with her, now teenage, grandson Ryan whilst his dad, evil criminal Tommy Lee Royce (James Norton), is banged up on a ten-stretch in The Slammer. As ever, what Wainwright did so masterfully was to balance the suspense of the plot with a lived-in portrait of the small Yorkshire town, Hebden Bridge, where it was set. And, at its heart, Lancashire was simply electric, as a person fighting to keep her family and her community safe. One whom you absolutely would not want to cross. Lancashire's performance was nothing short of awe-inspiring, but it was the emotionally real, character-driving writing which brought the characters to life so beautifully, whether in humanising a violent monster as he reached out to his son, or completely subverting established finale norms with a simple, heartfelt conversation held over a kitchen table. The final episode garnered huge praise from critics. That Awful Mangan Woman, at the Gruniad Morning Star, called the episode as 'brutal, tender, funny, compelling and heart-breaking' and That Awful Singh Woman, at the Torygraph, claimed 'Happy Valley sounds so bleak on paper, with its storylines about drugs, rape and murder. But at its core is the love that Cawood has for her family. Wainwright gave us what we wanted: a happy ending for a character who truly deserves it.' Proof, if any were needed, that the BBC still does this sort of lyrical, honest, luscious drama effortlessly.
'We just cut a baby out of a woman's womb. She asked us to, we didn't just do it!' 'She's The Funny One!' In both her role choices and her screen presence, Rachel Weisz is consistently one of the most compelling actors out there; so to get two of her for the price of one in this adaptation of David Cronenberg's 1980s body-horror masterpiece about identical twin gynaecologists was, indeed, a rare pleasure. Weisz certainly made the most of her dichotomous roles: as the shy, empathetic Beverly Mantle and the decadent, unruly Elliot ('brilliantly deranged' according to Time), joint founders of a state-of-the-art birthing centre, Weisz offered a masterclass in contrasts, while attacking the latter character with particular gusto. The whole reimagination of the source material was inspired, from Alice Birch's caustically funny, scalpel-sharp screenplay to the rich primary coloured cinematography. There was also a memorable supporting performance from another From The North favourite, Jennifer Ehle, as an amoral billionaire funder who made Succession's Roy family look like The Brady Bunch. Altogether, it made for a darkly alluring psychological thriller that was certainly among the best and most daring drama series Amazon Prime Video have produced. Alison Herman of Variety wrote: 'Gender-swapped reboots too often carry a whiff of sanctimony, but [the series] is as perverse and profane as any great Cronenberg homage. Dead Ringers is more than a gimmick; it's a cerebral spin on a nightmare.' Exactly, extravagantly that.
'Russian sleeper agents imbedded in British society. They've been reactivated.' The second series of the Apple+ adaptation from Mick Herron's Slough House novels was, if anything, even better than the first which featured in last year's From The North 'Best Of' list. Gary Oldman returned as laconic, world-weary, cynical, slovenly, farting superspy Jackson Lamb, casually abusing but fiercely protective of his Joes. Jack Lowden once again got to do all the running-and-punching stuff. Kristen Scott Thomas and Saskia Reeves were as brilliant as ever as Jackson and his team of miscreants (including new addition, From The North favourite Aimee-Ffion Edwards) sought to solve the mystery of the murder of a former colleague (played by Phil Davis). All this and Mick Jagger's evocative, knowing theme song ('Strange Game'). 'The season has a determinedly cinematic quality that elevates it beyond most spy series, as does the first-rate writing,' wrote the Wall Street Journal. 'It straddles genres deftly, perhaps creating its own in the process.' 'Like all those classic BBC Le Carré adaptations, it's a superb piece of ensemble acting. Gary Oldman is at the top of his game as ... the grotesque but weirdly adorable station chief,' added The Spectator. 'Every scene has a finesse of quality or invention,' suggested the Gruniad Morning Star. The third series, Real Tigers, is due to premiere in December. If it's half as good as the first two series (and the opening episode, in which it is revealed that MI5 cases are listed John, Paul, George and Ringo in order of importance, suggests it's definitely going to be), then you can make a date for it being somewhere near the top of next year's From The North 'Best Of' list.
'I have been kind of a death magnet!' Sometimes a concept for a show is simply so inspired that there's no way it can fail. Such was the case with this murder-of-the-week drama from Knives Out and Glass Onion creator Rian Johnson, which reportedly came about following of a casual dinner conversation between him and star Natasha Lyonne about their shared love of classic detective shows. One of Hollywood's most inimitable presences, Lyonne is an absolute diamond in Poker Face as the insouciant Charlie; a cocktail waitress on the run (from both the law and gangsters) who finds herself travelling around the US, inadvertently getting involved in murder cases that could do with her mental acuity and unique ability to detect when someone is lying. She is like, in her scrappy, wisecracking energy, a female Frank Columbo. As with that classic From The North favourite, the audience sees the murder being committed at the beginning of each episode so it's not a whodunnit but, rather, a howcatchem. There is something singularly soothing about watching Lyonne put the pieces of the puzzle together, before hitting the road once more at the climax in her beat-up Plymouth Barracuda (making the series a smart mix of not only Columbo but, also, things like The Incredible Hulk or, as Mark Kermode suggested in a glowing podcast review, Kwai Chang Caine 'walking the Earth' in Kung Fu). In addition to Columbo, Johnson also used the likes of Magnum, PI, The Rockford Files and Quantum Leap, the kind of 'fun, character-driven, case-of-the-week goodness that I grew up with' as influences on the general tone of the series. 'All of these shows I was watching as a kid, sitting on the rug in front of my TV, is the heart of what I am trying to get at,' Johnson told Variety. 'That was something baked into the DNA of the show from the beginning,' he added. 'Doing that ... thing of having every episode be an anthropological deep dive into a little corner of America that you might not otherwise see.' The joy and thrill then comes when Lyonne's human lie-detector wanders into the story to piece together the evidence and mutter 'bullshit!' in the face of a parade of reliable weekly guest-stars (Benjamin Bratt, Chloë Sevigny, Lil Rel Howery), plus Johnson regulars like Adrien Brody and Joseph Gordon-Levitt. 'It's gripping, grisly when it needs to be and Lyonne is charm on a stick,' said the Torygraph. Indeed, a thorough search by this author has barely been able to find more than a handful of negative reviews of the show anywhere. 'In its lane (a droll, self-aware game of TV Cluedo in which the viewer gets to peek at the cards) and turbo-powered by the human electrical storm that is Lyonne, Poker Face works a treat,' noted the Observer. True episodic detective television of the old school, this was one of the year's simplest and purest pleasures. An absolute delight.
'My chosen pronoun is The Definite Article.' 'Oh, I do that!' Russell Davies has, of course, already revived the BBC's popular, long-running family SF drama franchise once, in 2005. You knew that, right? Now, he has ridden to The Doctor's aid again in what is, honestly, the most welcome thing to happen in popular culture since Howard Jones sacked that bloke who used to do mime to his songs. David Tennant and Catherine Tate returned for a trio of specials - The Star Beast, Way Over Yonder and The Giggle - to celebrate Doctor Who's sixtieth anniversary in November and December. The reviewers, for the opening episode at least, were well-impressed: Inverse ('absolutely ludicrous in the best possible way'), the Radio Times ('Saturday night magic is back'), the Gruinad ('infinite reasons to celebrate'), BBC Culture ('epic, action-packed fun'), Collider ('a delightful adventure'), the Torygraph ('a rollicking family-friendly delight'), the HeyUGuys website ('a hoot') and Games Radar ('an exciting start to the sixtieth anniversary'). Plus, seemingly, by suggesting that being kind to those who are 'different' is worth doing, it managed to piss-off exactly the sort of horrible pond scum you'd want to see pissed-off at GB News and the Daily Scum Express. So jolly well done there, Big Rusty. David's reaction to the new TARDIS interior was one of the TV moments of the year. And, a five million-plus overnight audience on 25 November saw the episode becoming 2023's largest live television drama launch (to date, anyway). The enemies faced by The Doctor remained a closely guarded secret for almost a year, although many fans quickly guessed that Neil Patrick Harris was playing The Celestial Toymaker (last seen in the show in 1966) long before the BBC actually got round to confirming it. From The North favourite Ruth Madeley, Jemma Redgrave and Heartstopper's Yasmin Finney, also guest-starred and there was a touching posthumous cameo from the late Bernard Cribbins. It all, thrillingly, set the scene for the arrival of the incoming Ncuti Gatwa, who will first inhabit the TARDIS and wield the sonic screwdriver of delight on Christmas Day when his first episode, The Church On Ruby Road will be broadcast. A new, eight-episode, series starring Ncuti and Millie Gibson, will then debut in the Spring of 2024. This blogger believes it's going to be great. As usual!
'I think I may have just started a war!' Amazon's adaptation of Neil Gaiman and Terry Pratchett's fantasy novel, returned for a second series of apocalyptic escapades and it was just as humongously mad-brilliant as the first. Created, written and executive produced by Gaiman (when he's not knee deep in From The North favourite The Sandman), the series sees national heartthrob David Tennant and Michael Sheen return as eternal frenemies, the demon Crowley and angel Aziraphale. This time, they were not chasing the antichrist child around the world but, instead, a returning Jon Hamm as the overtly pompous archangel Gabriel, who turned up at Aziraphale's bookshop stark naked, with no memory, holding an empty box and needing to be hidden from both Heaven and Hell. Frances McDormand also returned as the voice of God and our glorious narrator, as did Miranda Richardson as the demon Shax, Hell's new representative on Earth. 'If season one was an epic thriller, season two is a cosy mystery that doubles down on the rich character moments that made the first season such a compelling watch,' suggested Inverse whilst Den Of Geek added 'If it has a flaw, it might be that it's almost too sweet (body horror aside), but frankly, isn't a little sweetness what we all need?' It was, in fact, a rollicking script full of glorious theatre of the absurd daftness and, frankly, bloody good fun.
'Are you not dead?' 'There were no places left in Hell!' Not every great TV drama needs to ramble on (s'cuse the pun) for ten arse-numbing hours, dear blog reader. From The North favourite Shane Meadows's rip-roaring rollercoaster of a period piece came in a mere three, pacy, episodes; more a quick slap around the chops with a haddock than a weekend binge-watch, one could argue. And, importantly, it left the viewer wanting more. Its loveable characters, a tight-knit rural community scratching a living in late Eighteenth Century Yorkshire, were led by David Hartley (Meadows regular Michael Socha), a real-life Robin Hood whose coin-clipping skills offered all the villagers a way out of their dirt poverty. It was like a 1950s Ealing comedy with a Shane Meadows sensibility - affectionate piss-taking, strange music cues (mostly from Swedish psychedelic revivalists Goat), trippy interludes, split-screen shots of chickens, the works. Socha was the roguishly charming heart for the story, adapted from Benjamin Myers's award-winning novel, but everyone in the often improvising cast kept it fuelled with warmth and laughs. If nothing else, it was proof that, contrary to the never-ending stream of Jimmy McGovern misery-fests we keep getting inflicted upon us, you don't necessarily have to wish to slit your wrists after hanging out with the Northern Working Classes for an hour. Which this blogger, born on a council estate in Newcastle, is jolly glad about as it happens. 'A joy to be along for the ride,' said the Evening Standard. 'Compared to most modern TV, plot happens almost as an afterthought, when it happens at all,' added the Torygraph. 'Meadows loves [the characters'] company so much that he lingers on them, often in slow motion, for scene after scene.' The Spectator considered that it was 'Wonderfully naturalistic and intriguingly odd' and that 'it didn't take long to realise that Meadows's departure mightn't be as radical as advertised ' because the programme could easily have been entitled This Was England. Christ, even That Awful Woman At The Times with a face like sour milk loved it. This blogger thought it was great and that Jennifer Reid's performance of 'The Miller Of Dee' in the opening episode might, just, be the single most heart-stopping scene on television in 2023. Magical.
'It never struck you as strange that this man just showed up to save you?' You have to give Tom Holland credit: The lad has got some serious game. His latest post-MCU endeavour, The Crowded Room, gave young Tom another opportunity to prove his remarkable worth as an actor and, in the process, earn himself an extended break from acting due to mental health difficulties related to the part. A psychological thriller created by Akiva Goldsman and based - extremely loosely - on the real life case of Billy Milligan, a serial rapist with multiple personality disorder, the Apple mini-series had a great cast (Hello To Jason Isaacs!) and some intriguing imagery. The story followed Danny Sullivan (Holland) after he was arrested for his involvement in a New York City shooting in 1979. Danny unveiled his life through a series of interviews with psychologist Rya Goodwin (Amanda Seyfried) and slowly detailed - to both Rya and the audience - a mysterious past that led him to the fateful incident. As Danny retrospectively examined his life, he reckoned with his past and a few pivotal moments, ultimately leading him to uncover a life-altering revelation. It could, in lesser hands, have been disorganised and shallow in its assessments of mental illness but, ploughing through its ten-hour run never seemed a chore to this blogger. A fabulous 1970s soundtrack certainly helped. Sniffily dismissed by some critics ('an unwatchable mess' according to one prick of no importance at Newsday for example), this is one series in which it is probably best to ignore all of those Rotten Tomatoes whingers and just dive, fully clothed, into the deep end. This blogger is certain that if dear blog readers care to have a wander around the Interweb for other people doing their own TV awards for 2023, they will find many places that have The Crowded Room listed amongst the year's biggest disappointments rather than in the top ten best shows. Therefore, it is important to remember that, on this score at least, Keith Telly Topping is right and everyone who believes to the contrary is wrong. Sorry, but it's The Law.
'I give you my word that I will catch this animal.' A compassionate, admirably unsensationalised drama, this sold itself as 'the definitive account' of the desperate - often chaotic - hunt by West Yorkshire Police for the serial killer Peter Sutcliffe in the late 1970s. The seven-parter certainly had an impressively heavyweight cast, with From The North favourites Toby Jones, Lee Ingleby and David Morrissey as the detectives working around the clock to catch him - and with, sadly, their own pre-conceived notions on what sort of a man he was which led them, frequently, in completely the wrong direction. There was also Daniel Mays as one of the victims' husbands and Katherine Kelly, Stephen Tompkinson, Shaun Dooley, Jill Halfpenny and Liz White in supporting roles. The latter, in particular, was outstanding as a sympathetic WPC unable to convince her male colleagues that they're running in circles. ITV's second dramatisation of the same events (2000's This Is Personal: The Hunt For The Yorkshire Ripper was the previous one) it focused, sensibly, on the communities living in fear and the families left behind as much as the five-year cat-and-mouse chase to catch The Ripper. Written by George Kay based on Michael Bilton's best-seller Wicked Beyond Belief, The Long Shadow got most of the aesthetics spot on. There was a cold chill about the drama, on many levels that, defiantly, worked in its favour; as The Times noted: 'Often it feels more like social history than true crime: the grime and poverty of Leeds in the 1970s; the relentless misogyny.' 'More than any rendering of a notorious case that I can remember, the attention is on the women. Specifically, the living women. And, when they are gone, the people they leave behind,' claimed the Gruniad. One imagines that Liza Williams, whose outstanding 2019 BBC4 documentary series The Yorkshire Ripper Files: A Very British Crime Story pushed that angle so hard it screamed, would very much disagree with that assessment from the Middle Class hippy Communist in question. 'No matter the drama's compassionate take, it's about the stuff of collective nightmares,' was the view of The Scotsman. Other reviewers questioned whether, even if its heart was in the right place, the production had turned some of the most terrible crimes ever committed against women into 'mere entertainment' and were 'sad and aggrieved' that it had even been made. But then, nobody with an ounce of brains between their ears takes the bleatings of The New Statesman even remotely seriously. This blogger is fully aware that every drama which is based on deadly real-life events (however loosely) runs the risk of sensationalising those events, even if they don't mean to. Whether this was 'the definitive account' of Sutcliffe - the textbook example of the sheer banality of evil - and his horrific crimes is debateable. But, any future retelling will need to do everything that The Long Shadow did in avoiding shock-tactics and insulting clichés and then a bit more besides. For that, if nothing else, The Long Shadow deserves praise not scorn.
'I try and start from a place of positivity.' The second series of The Bear, which follows Carmy (Jeremy Allen White) and his staff as they renovate his family's sandwich shop and turn it into a high-end restaurant, was absolutely sublime television. Created by Christopher Storer, The Bear has been one of the best-written and best-performed shows on TV since it opened shop on Hulu last summer (this blogger included the first series in last year's 'Also Mentioned In Dispatches' but it should, really, have been far higher. proof that even Keith Telly Topping is not infallible in his annual awards). With a sense of intimacy and urgency, these ten episodes once again captured what it is like to try to bring order to the abject chaos of running a busy kitchen. But The Bear expanded its scope this time around, devoting whole episodes to the personal journeys of specific characters like pastry chef Marcus (Lionel Boyce) and the perpetually adrift Richie (Ebon Moss-Bachrach) - unleashing a monster of a flashback episode (Fishes) - whilst continuing to explore new contours in the relationship between Carmy and his business partner, the determined Sydney (Ayo Edebiri). In that way, The Bear's second series managed to do the hardest thing any television show can: find ways to grow outward and inward at the same time. This was television operating at the highest level on all creative fronts and highlighted the good in its characters with delicacy and zero sentimental pandering. With grands turns by From The North favourites like Oliver Platt, Jamie Lee Curtis and Olivia Colman, The Bear was, reportedly, the most watched programme across all platforms in the United States during the final week of June. According to FX, the second series premiere (Beef) was the most-watched in the network's history. 'It's a show about food in which the camera itself seems starving, pushing hungrily up against its main characters as they try to resurrect their failing sandwich shop in Chicago,' suggested The Times. 'It is an extraordinary piece of tragicomedy - at once a hysterical farce and a raw, soul-draining domestic drama. You wish more TV could be this intense while feeling relieved that it isn't,' added the Financial Times. 'The series' debut run was as perfect a piece of television as anyone can hope for,' wrote the critic at the Concrete Playground website. 'Excellent news: season two is better.' It was - served up on a plate with rice and chips and tasty as anything.
'At least try to act like police officers!' A fine example to everyone that you should avoid judging a show from its basic concept, this BBC drama, created by Declan Lawn and Adam Patterson, may have looked like a strictly by-the-numbers, Belfast-set police procedural. But, it proved to be a far more sophisticated beast. Following three new recruits (Siân Brooke, Katherine Devlin and Nathan Braniff), with a couple of months probation left to go, this artfully wove in its location's complex historical and political elements to create a show as complex and rewarding as it was, at times, unbearably tense. Blackly comic and occasionally shocking, it gave an authentic taste of front-line policing in a volatile powder keg of a city, where young and hopelessly unprepared rookie officers are forced to learn fast or get eaten by the system. The Fall's John Lynch was, brilliantly, cast somewhat against type as James McIntyre, the head of a Republican crime family. Brooke said that elements of the role felt 'right' to her because her father was a police officer and the script 'captured the friendships within the job and how important they are. How much time you spend with this person in a car. They spend more time with each other than they probably do with anybody else, in this tiny little office on wheels.' She also spoke to serving officers, social workers and Belfast residents before filming. The series was nominated for Best New Drama at The National Television Awards. The Toryraph said 'Blue Lights won't receive a fraction of the hype of Line Of Duty, but there isn't a duff line or an overcooked scene to be found here' and called the series 'a rare gem.' The Gruniad Morning Star's reviewer was 'engrossed', describing Blue Lights as 'well-crafted, fantastically tense, thrilling stuff' and 'one of the best shows of the year.' The Spectator called it a 'near perfect cop drama' that 'that manages to humanise the lives of the men and women in the Police Service of Northern Ireland without mawkishness' that despite 'some procedural howlers that have clearly been let loose in the service of the storylines', leaves viewers 'in for a rare treat.' 'Though made for relative pennies compared to the glossy offerings of the streaming channels, this Belfast-set police procedural was a class act, one that made a virtue of its location without straying into cliché or settling for neat answers,' added the Herald. In April, the BBC confirmed a second series had been commissioned for 2024.
'Vladimir Alexandrovich? It's Alexei Navalney calling. I was hoping you could tell me why you wanted to kill me?' Daniel Roher's documentary revolved around the Russian opposition leader Alexei Navalny and events related to his poisoning, produced by HBO Max and CNN Films. Having first been shown in 2022 (when this blogger, shamefully, missed it), it won the Best Documentary Feature at the Academy Awards and Best Documentary at the BAFTA's leading to a welcome showing as part of BBC4's Storyville strand and, thus, entirely justifying its appearance in this list. Navalny fell sick during a flight from Tomsk to Moscow and was hospitalised, later being evacuated to the Charité hospital in Berlin. The use of a nerve agent was confirmed by five Organisation for the Prohibition of Chemical Weapons certified laboratories. Navalny, who unlike Alexander Litvinenko and the victims of the 2018 Salisbury poisonings (both stories previously dramatised, the latter featured in From The North's 'Best Of' list in 2020) survived his ordeal and blamed Vladimir Putin for his poisoning. The Kremlin repeatedly denied any involvement. And, to paraphrase the late Mandy Rice-Davis, 'well they would, wouldn't they?' The documentary shows how Bellingcat journalist Christo Grozev and Maria Pevchikh, the head investigator for Navalny's Anti-Corruption Foundation, revealed the details of a plot which suggested more than a few flaws in The Kremlin's account. The Gruniad Morning Star called it 'one of the most jaw-dropping things you will ever witness' and said the 'terrifying' documentary 'enters the realms of the far-fetched spy thriller - and yet it's all true.' The New York Times praised it saying 'Roher has assembled a tense and absorbing look at Navalny and his inner circle.' Navalny also received praise from the likes of Time Out, Vox, Concrete Playground, Film Week, The Times, the Globe & Mail, the Torygraph and many other. And, was loathed by some bloke from the Chicago Reader who said 'I left feeling hollow and angry. Like I'd been manipulated using methods pioneered and perfected under the long-gone Soviet regime of my childhood.' An interesting - near unique - take on the documentary outside the walls of The Kremlin. One imagines that a congratulatory message from President Putin is in the post as we speak. Careful, though, it may contain traces of Novichok.
'What else do they recommend?' 'Long walks. Sex. Spicy food.' 'You're looking at how to induce labour!' 'No, I'm not. Oh ... how dilated is your cervix?' Disney's Extraordinary was a wildly funny take on the idea of superpowers, set in a world where everyone gets them but most are pretty rubbish at actually using them. Created by Emma Moran (who developed the idea while completing her Masters in Screenwriting at Manchester Uni), Extraordinary followed the plight of Jen (Máiréad Tyers), a twenty five-year-old who, uniquely, didn't get her superpowers as a teenager. Jen, unsurprisingly, struggles being the only person she knows who is an ordinary human. Nevertheless, with her friends, Carrie, Kash and Jizzlord (a shapeshifter who has been stuck as Jen's pet cat for some time), she sets out to change all that. Amiable and cleverly constructed, the show's brilliance, beyond its playful special effects and phenomenal overarching hypothetical, is the cast. Siobhán McSweeney is particularly terrific as Jen's Wonder Woman-style mum. As Mashable's Caitlin Welsh wrote: 'Extraordinary earns its place among the best of the millennial romcom sitcoms - and stands well above certain other eight-or-so-episode-long shows about people with superpowers on Disney-owned streaming platforms - thanks to its whip-smart writing and lived-in performances.' Judy Berman of Time called Extraordinary an 'instant classic among superhero comedies,' adding: 'True to its title, Extraordinary combines and tweaks familiar tropes into something genuinely unique.' One of this blogger's favourite critics, Keith Watson of Metro said: 'Every once in a while there's a superpower show that promises to breathe fresh life into the over-exploited arena and Emma Moran's fresh comedy, which slyly exploits the genre in much the manner of The Boys (with way less budget), stands out from the crowd.' Polly Conway of Common Sense Media described it as 'an amusing teen comedy.' Extraordinary's own superpower, claimed The Age 'is that it makes the comic book conceit pertinent to the individual characters - their emotional travails connect to the powers on offer, sometimes hilariously and sometimes with genuine melancholy.' Inevitably, That Awful Mangan Woman in the Gruniad found something to sneer at. One more reason, dear blog reader, why Extraordinary deserves to be viewed by billions. Series two is expected in early 2024.
'It'd be great to see a little bit more of the real Suzie, not the Suzie they know.' 'They hate the Suzie they know!' The sequel to 2020's From The North favourite I Hate Suzie found Lucy Prebble and Billie Piper creating yet more ways to humiliate Piper's Suzie Pickles whilst casting a deliciously jaundiced eye on the way in which the modern media chews up and spits out 'celebrity' without bothering to check for human damage. The show marked the third collaboration between Prebble and Piper, who previously worked together on Secret Diary Of A Call Girl (2007 to 2011) and The Effect (2012). The three-episode second series arrived on Sky Atlantic in the dying days of 2022 and won Prebble a Royal Television Society Programme award and, pleasingly, Piper a BAFTA nomination. The Times said the second series of the 'bravura black comedy about the horrors of modern celebrity is, if anything, more heart-stoppingly brilliant than its predecessor.' Piper and Prebble 'bring their flawed, ferociously human protagonist to giddy new heights of acceptance while pulling her heart even deeper into the abyss,' wrote Entertainment Weekly. 'It is so unlike anything else on television, in its raw honesty, that I couldn’t tear myself away. Suzie is the maddest person in the room, yet from another angle she's the sanest one,' claimed the Torygraph. 'Suzie repeatedly wins our sympathy, then squanders it with reckless, self-destructive outbursts during drink and drug binges,' added the Daily Scum Mail. A third series is said to be a possibility at some stage.
'Miss Addams. You've certainly had a very interesting educational journey.' A beautifully in-your-face coming-of-age supernatural comedy-horror based on the character Wednesday Addams, Wednesday starred Jenna Ortega as the titular character, with the likes of Gwendoline Christie, Riki Lindhome, Jamie McShane, Joy Sunday, Christina Ricci and Moosa Mostafa appearing in supporting roles. Four of the eight episodes were directed by Tim Burton, who also served as executive producer. It revolved around Wednesday's attempts to solve a murder mystery at her new school (she was expelled from the previous one after that nasty business of dumping piranhas into the swimming pool!) It premiered on Netflix in November 2022, just days too late for inclusion in last year's From The North 'Best Of' list but entirely deserves a belated acknowledgement of just what a sharp, witty, clever little series it was. With a fantastic soundtrack (a mixture of Danny Elfman and Chris Bacon's score and dozens of brilliant needle-drop moments; check out the dance sequence to Lady Gaga in episode four), the beautifully Gothic sets and Ortega's laconic, devastatingly force-of-nature performance, Wednesday was an immense audience hit. The series holds the record of most hours viewed in a week for an English-language Netflix series with a total three hundred and forty one million hours watched in its first week of release, putting it in the Stranger Things/The Sandman league. The Independent called the series' worldwide popularity 'unprecedented' and suggested that it could jump-start development of several other spin-off series. It got mixed reviews, best exemplified by Jesse Hassenger of The Wrap describing the four episodes directed by Burton as feeling 'more like Veronica Mars than Sleepy Hollow.' The Wall Street Journal commended Ortega's 'charismatic performance' and added the series was 'often delightful, despite its deliberate darkness.' In the Detroit News, Tom Long deemed the show 'visually appealing', described Ortega's deadpan as 'just as elastic as it needed to be' and her performance overall as 'consistently [pushing] outside the caricature enough to keep things lively.' Some snooty, sneering fek of absolutely no gumption at the New York Times said Wednesday was 'tolerable' despite 'satisfying only on the level of formulaic teenage romance and mystery' and compared it to the Harry Potter franchise. All, presumably, whilst gurning into their breakfast muesli. It's not just Gruniad Morning Star TV reviewers that need a ruddy good slap across the chops on general principle, it would seem. Though, to be scrupulously fair, the Gruniad actually rather liked it! Hardly surprisingly, in view of its audience profile in January Wednesday was renewed for, very welcome, a second series.
'I'm not an act. What you see is what you get.' Controversial even before it was made, let alone broadcast, this docudrama about the Jimmy Savile fiasco had a rocky path to the screen, having first been announced in 2020. It was rumoured to have been delayed at least twice due to BBC trepidation about a Tory backlash from the likes of the Daily Scum Mail; the newspaper incidentally that, more than any other, has delighted in running endless stories related to Savile's appalling crimes but is quick to criticise any TV series which so much as mentions the man as being 'disrespectful' to his victims. As though airbrushing the likes of Savile, Harris, Hall et al from history would, somehow, make all of the terrible things they did evaporate in a quasi-Stalinist way. The Reckoning finally arrived it October. It was a hard watch. Steve Coogan had the unenviable task of portraying the prolific child abuser, a decision which, he claimed, he 'didn't take lightly.' The BBC, he added, 'are damned if they do and damned if they don't and I believe the correct choice is to be damned if they do.' 'Don't let this happen again,' Darien, one of the hundreds of children and young women abused by the vile albino paedophile, tearfully told the camera. Her plea came at the end of the fourth and final episode of this dramatisation of Savile's life and went some way to explain exactly why the BBC chose to re-tread the Savile story. Documentaries have thoroughly covered this ground previously, though The Reckoning attempted something different; to showcase, through a mixture of fact-based and fictional docudrama scenes, as well as interviews with four of his victims, how Savile got away with criminal offences while maliciously charming his way into Britain's highest institutions. The series, told primarily through flashbacks as Savile was interviewed by journalist Dan Davies, spent its time meticulously reasoning how he deceived BBC bosses, hospital wardens, the police, That Awful Thatcher Woman (whose inclusion in story - despite being entirely historically accurate - still caused several lickerty-split Tories to get their knickers in a twist, notably That Awful Patel Woman) and the general public, using his charitable work to distract from the atrocities being committed. Viewers equally saw him taking advantage of children, luring them into his home and apprehending them backstage. Mercifully, we never got to witness the acts themselves, the camera cutting away, but the implications were, of course, horrendous. A later episode even explored Savile's disgusting behaviour at a morgue. Coogan inhabited the wise-cracking Savile with uncomfortable ease, some moments infused with Alan Partridge-isms, as Savile weaponised his wit, while other scenes were played like a Poundland Tony Soprano, as when Savile ordered a bouncer to physically abuse a boy who had been caught sneaking into his nightclub. It was an uncanny, skin-crawling - and, truly astonishing - portrayal which never turned Savile into the pantomime villain that he could, so easily, have done in the hands of a less-skilled actor. A sympathetic viewer - and this blogger believes he falls broadly into this category - would argue this constituted self-flagellation for the BBC, showcasing how it was tricked by this paedophilic conman; an unsympathetic one may argue the series rather let the BBC off the hook, focussing on Savile rather than analysing the BBC's own mishandling of the situation time after time. Indeed, in the second episode, we saw an investigation by BBC management into an incident which took place at Top Of The Pops in the 1970s, but no one came out being blamed; Savile was presented as too ingenious and too powerful to be seen as responsible for any wrongdoing. Maybe that's how it was - that Savile operated in plain sight without any institutional help to cover for him. The reviews were, broadly (though not universally), understanding of what the series was trying to achieve with special praise given to Coogan and to the bravery and honesty of the interviewed victims. The Daily Scum Mail was forced, somewhat against its own instincts one sensed, to do a round-up of positive online viewer reaction, perhaps acknowledging for the first time that you cannot learn from history by pretending it never happened. Even Loose Women had their say. The Reckoning, ultimately, offered an understanding of Savile's sick and twisted ways, but questions do remain. Most obviously, how are we to stop another Savile without further analysing those who stood by him? Darien's plea at the end must be headed so that history does not repeat the same conceits.
'I want to tell people. But, it's so hard to find the right time.' The endearing Netflix series that became a global hit returned in 2022 and makes it into From The North's 'Best Of' list for the second year running. It picked up the blossoming romance between Charlie (Joe Locke) and Nick (Kit Connor), who came out as bisexual to his wonderfully supportive mother (Olivia Colman) at the end of the first series. Now, Nick texts with typical teenaged confusion: 'Why is being Out so complicated?' The new series promised to give us more about Charlie and Nick's friends, including Elle (Yasmin Finney) as well as a class trip to Paris. With hilarious consequences as they used to say in TV Times. The show, based on the webcomics by Alice Oseman, retained its tone of matter-of-fact acceptance of its LGBTQ+ characters, as well as its charm and warmth. The Gruniad, which had called the first series 'adorable', this time said, said 'It's television with the guts to be radically sensitive and that never gets old.' There were also positive, sensitive and understanding reviews from a wide range of media organs such as The Age, Starburst, Vanity Fair, The Queer Review, USA Today, Rolling Stain and the Torygraph among others. And, one appallingly agenda-soaked sneer from That Awful Woman at The Times with a face like sour milk, who claimed: 'To say there's nothing in their lives that's difficult or awkward is to totally understate the glossy, fairy-lighted, skipping, giggling little one-note cocoon these annoying gits live in.' This blogger will leave it entirely up to From The North's dear blog readers as to whom they find the more 'annoying git' in this particular equation. The Digital Spy website called the series 'the cosy comfort blanket of teen shows' adding 'we don't mean that as a bad thing.' Good. Because, it's isn't. In a television landscape where the troubled teens like those on Euphoria often dominate, whom among us couldn't use a warm and fluffy comfort blanket in these troubled, wretched times?
'They have plans for the future of the show and they don't include you.' Any new show - or, even, any old show - from Big Rusty, the creator of It's A Sin and Years & Years was reason enough to be excited, but when you combined that with a lead role from Helena Bonham Carter and the strange story of 1970s soap megastar Noelle Gordon, things got even more intriguing. A three-part mini-series, Nolly followed Gordon during her rise to massive stardom in Britain as Meg Richardson in the popular soap Crossroads, before her sudden and mysterious sacking from the show in 1981. Not so much a fall from grace as a push from a great height, as The Big Issue suggested. And then, the efforts to kick-start her career on the stage. Augustus Prew was delightful as Gordon's co-star Tony Adams as was From The North favourite Mark Gatiss, camping it up like a good'un as Larry Grayson. One of the first programmes to premiere on ITV's new streaming service, ITVX in February, Nolly received across-the--board critical acclaim. 'Funny and touching' according to the Torygraph, Variety declared Big Rusty's writing 'floats intriguing statements of purpose only for them to dissipate as we shuttle back and forth through a six-decade career. Whenever it allows itself to take a breath, Nolly approaches the depth and texture of Davies' best work.' 'This is a celebration, not a wake,' added the Herald. 'Ultimately we see Nolly not simply as a victim of men but of the changing television culture.' 'I went into this thinking it could be a laugh to write about a diva,' said Big Rusty himself. 'So I was surprised to find that everyone loved her.' Much like the series, in fact.
'Michael's probably going to ask why I waited sixteen years to tell him he's Morgan's father. I mean, it's a fair question!' The second series of the highly-regarded From The North favourite Nicola Walker vehicle premiered on Alibi just a few weeks after the first series (as featured in this blog's 2021 awards) finally got a terrestrial broadcast on the BBC. Annika Strandhed (Walker) is a Detective Inspector heading up the newly-formed, Glasgow-based, Marine Homicide Unit. The relationship between Annika and Morgan, her teenage daughter (Silvie Furneaux), is the basis for sub-plots across the episodes. In a brilliant story-telling device, Annika regularly breaks the fourth wall to communicate directly with the audience about aspects of the current case and her personal reflections. Add in a quality support cast (From The North favourite Paul McGann, Kate Dickie, Jamie Sives) and creator Nick Walker (no relation)'s adaptation of his own Radio 4 drama is a winner on just about every level. Annika has broken records to become Alibi's most-watched drama for at least seven years. 'Thank the Lord for Annika, which once again seemed to appear out of nowhere to restore one's faith in TV drama,' gushed the Herald whilst The Times suggested that 'The plot was looser than old knicker elastic, but what is strong about this series is the dynamic between Strandhed and her colleague DS Michael McAndrews.' Unsurprisingly, That Awful Singh Woman at the Torygraph hated it. A useful reminder to this viewer that there are some of his fellow television reviewers whom he has such a low regard for, he actually finds it painful when one of them likes something he does. It's Keith Telly Topping's problem, dear blog readers, he's just going to have to deal with it. 'Mare of Easttown it is most assuredly not,' noted The Killing Time website after saying how good it was to have Nicola back on our screens. But, it concluded that 'it's still worth a watch.' And, if you look up 'damning with faint phrase' on Google, you'll find that somewhere near the top of the list.
'I'm really sorry, I didn't think it would end up like this.' As Bill Hader's jet-black HBO comedy went along, the darkness threatened to fully subsume the comedy section of the equation. Indeed, by the fourth and final series of Barry, the uneasy balance which gave the show its singular tone had tipped almost completely into abject, utter despair. Everyone, it seems, was on a downward curve: Hader's titular hitman-turned-actor was in prison for murdering a police officer; the dreams of stardom of his on-off girlfriend, Sally (Sarah Goldberg) were as dead as the man she killed in self-defence and Barry Berkman's mentor (the magnificent Henry Winkler) was wracked with paranoia and narcissism. Amazingly, though, when Barry wanted to be funny, it was still funnier than many alleged comedies on TV - see, for instance, Fred Armisen's hilariously gory botched assassination attempt in episode three. It didn't, quite, end in the way this blogger had expected, relying on a few convenient plot contrivances and a conceptually fascinating but a bit disorientating time-jump to get where it wants to go. But even as it got increasingly challenging to watch, Barry was equally difficult to turn away from, right up to its bitter, bleak, painfully ironic finale (told in part, brilliantly, as a TV-movie-within-a-TV-series). Barry's most ambitious series according to New Yorker, it 'took those risks a step further ... tying themes together from the entire run in a way that feels more dangerous and definitive, even if one didn't know it was the last season,' added The Playlist. It was drama that 'took us for a wild ride over four heart-pounding seasons. This show's trajectory is something I never could have predicted,' considered Geek Girl Authority whilst Uprox concluded that Hader, who directed every episode of the final series, 'is an absurdly talented man.' Even one of the few negative reviews the final series had, from Polygon, made an interesting point that, in the author's view, Barry 'arguably fails because the moral worldview constructed by Hader and his co-writers is too strong and all of its characters are subservient to it.' Ultimately, the final word on Barry goes to TV Insider's Matt Roush who noted that 'laughter sticks in the throat in a savage satire that never plays it safe.' Safety was something that Barry never got even close to. And, therein lay it's greatness.
'What if what we see is not what's out there?' Apple TV+ has become perhaps the most consistently quality streamer of late and here was another great debut series: a dystopian SF drama, based on the novels by Hugh Howey. Set in the not-too-distant future, it finds humankind retreated to a huge underground complex to live in as the world outside becomes increasingly uninhabitable. But, its residents are kept in the dark as to exactly what happened to drive them down there in the first place - until various people, including Sheriff Holston (David Oyelowo) and engineer Juliette (Rebecca Ferguson) become suspicious about the regime and the rhetoric that is had been spoon-feeding them all these years. The whole thing is beautifully conceived, from the production design of the enclosed, shut-off, concrete and metal world to the drama's intriguing plotting and shifting sense of dislocation and paranoia. As John Nugent of Empire noted: 'It is a riveting puzzle-box mystery of a series, which across its ten episodes borrows elements of Swiftian satire, chilly Cold War-era political conspiracies, dusty small-town Western showdowns, doing-the-work police procedurals and even philosophical thought experiments.' With some impressive names further down the cast (Tim Robbins, Harriet Walter, Iain Glen, Geraldine James), Atli Örvarsson's atonal, eerie score and cleverly structured world-building, Silo was, as Rotten Tomatoes said, 'a mystery box well-worth opening.' The Chicago Sun-Times wrote that the series 'holds our interest with intriguing characters and effective twists and turns' and took note of how Silo 'shifts gears through a number of genres, from conspiracy thriller to big-picture social commentary to police procedural to end-times romance.' The Gruniad Morning Star suggested, rightly for once, that the 'world-building is meticulous' and 'the story is equally thrilling.' Washington's WTOP News perceptively added that 'the claustrophobia is palpable for viewers after COVID-19 and Canadian wildfires. The same dynamics emerge of folks questioning the system with references to "The Before Times," a phrase that describes the era before our real world changed in March 2020.' Of course, not everyone liked it, some cheb-end named Jesper (no, really) gave it a stinker of a review in the Torygraph whilst That Awful Woman at The Times with a face like sour milk sneered: 'This is one of those intensely watchable, peerlessly silly sci-fi shows in which people repeatedly say things like: "But you cannot leave the silo!"' Forget such rank, ignorant genre snobbishness, dear blog reader, this was top quality television.
'If you'd have seen us, you'd have hated us. This perfect, happy couple.' Ah, Jenna Coleman, dear blog reader. Lovely, brilliant From The North favourite Jenna. Has she ever been in anything that her presence hasn't, significantly, improved? Well, possibly Victoria, although that was only difficult to take seriously because every time Tom Hughes as Prince Albert told another character 'she's ze Qveen' you expected the next line to be '... of ze rapping scene.' This blogger digresses. Fresh from her triumphant appearance on 2022's From The North TV show of the year, The Sandman, Wilderness saw Jenna star in a twisted Hitchcockian love story full of lies, secrets and sour and rotten doings. Opposite Oliver Jackson-Cohen, Coleman played a woman who planned to take revenge on her cheating husband during a holiday in America's national parks that was, in theory, designed to repair their broken marriage. The Amazon Prime six-part drama was adapted by Marnie Dickens from the novel by BE Jones and arrived on the streaming platform in September. The drama was criticised for its overreliance on generic tropes by The Hollywood Reporter ('too junky and not junky enough' they sneered, whatever the Hell that nonsense means) but it received broadly positive reviews from The Times, the Boston Globe, the Observer and the New York Post; the latter suggested that despite Wilderness's faults (and it did have a few), 'there's a lot to like here in an entertaining drama about infidelity, revenge and a road trip gone awry.' Jenna 'keeps playing psychopaths because she's good at it,' wrote another critic, 'violence gleaming in those enormous doll eyes (although the Welsh accent she attempts here is regrettable).' Oh, was it supposed to be Welsh? Well, you know what they say, dear blog reader? You can take the girl out of Blackpool, but ...
'Where's Liam Neeson and his special set of skills when you need him?' Television 'is the business of compromise,' this blogger's co-author Paul Cornell wrote in The Guinness Book Of Classic British TV (1993) with regard to The Prisoner. Never was this observation more applicable than when looking at the phenomena that is The Brokenwood Mysteries. The ninth series of the From The North favourite and 'Best Of' list regular began in the UK on the Drama Channel in September. As noted in previous years, The Brokenwood Mysteries is a series which, initially at least, rather crept under the radar of many British viewers - this blogger included. It's a New Zealand crime drama which is unable to make up its mind whether it wants to be Midsomer Murders or Twin Peaks. So, rather wonderfully, it ends up as a bit of both, simultaneously! And, trust this blogger, that's actually a good thing. 'With its "gentle" approach to murders, twisty mysteries and warm, witty and relatively uncomplicated regulars, it's easy to see why Brokenwood has gained such a global following,' noted the Stuff website, later adding: 'True, it's not exactly cutting-edge drama, but it offers ... twisty mysteries and entertaining, comfortable viewing.' Maybe that's the secret; if viewers go in expecting something dark and gritty they're going to be disappointed. If, on the other hand, they subscribe to a 'goes down nice with a cup of milky tea and biscuit, Missus' mind-set, this is a real winner. The central detective trio of Neill Rea, Fern Sutherland and Jarod Rawiri were on particularly good form this year, with Cristina Ionda's ghoulish and matter-of-fact pathologist, Gina, throwing in atom bombs of caustic wit from the side-lines. And the series opener, Brokenwood: The Musical was especially good, bizarre - at times, hilarious - fun. Engaging, quirky, with a keen sense of its own ridiculous faux-naïf world (concerning, as it does, a small town full of strange eccentrics which appears to be the murder capital of the Southern Hemisphere), Brokenwood's charms are gentle, yet remain very rewarding. If you haven't caught this one yet, dear blog reader - and this blogger realises he says this, or a variant of it, most years - do yourself a favour, find some and watch it. A tenth series is, reportedly, currently in production.
'I have a very full life that I'd love to get back to!' If this Netflix series was sold as a 'road rage drama' (and, it was), then the moment at which Los Angeles residents Amy (Ali Wong) and Danny (Steven Yeun) clash in a car park is really just a starting point. For a darkly funny show in which events spiral out of control in unexpected ways as the duos lives become ever-more intertwined. Korean director Lee Sung Jin's spiky black comedy - a kind of Falling Down with frequent belly laughs - was a watch-through-your-fingers experience; a burst of fury and existential despair that will, this blogger suspects, chime even with people who would never dream of pursuing a road rage incident to the point of catastrophic self-sabotage. That's the spiralling scenario which Yeun's struggling handyman and Wong's unhappy entrepreneur fall into over ten propulsive, turbo-charged episodes. The two collide and re-collide in a show which gives over-the-top expression to the stresses and neuroses of much modern day living. For those who are yet to catch Beef, it wouldn't do to give too much away about what happens, except to say that the social satire of the earlier episodes quickly dissipates and doesn't prepare you for moments of both the gruesome and the surreal later on. Wong and Yeun are both astounding, from different sides of the class divide but equally highly-strung and are backed by a superb ensemble of supporting actors, from Maria Bello as a hideous Gwyneth Paltrow-esque lifestyle guru to Young Mazino as Danny's sweet brother, Paul. The Chicago Sun-Times described Beef as 'bold, darkly funny, emotionally bruising, provocative and wicked-smart social satire.' Comparing it to Falling Down and Changing Lanes 'with a touch of The White Lotus,' they claimed that it was the best series they had seen all year. 'At first, this simple yet amusing premise seems better suited to a ninety-minute feature than a ten-episode series. But it soon becomes apparent that Lee is doing more than just a live-action Looney Tunes bit,' added Time and wondered why Netflix don't make more shows like this. It's a valid question; at a time when the company has been cutting back on genuinely bold and subversive content, this stands out as a rare, majestic gem. Bobby Krlic's soundtrack is worth its weight in gold too.
'I need to report a murder.' 'Whose murder?' 'Mine.' Alexei Navalney (see above), despite currently being banged up in The Gulag for looking at The Butcher Of Grozny in a funny way or some-such hideous crime, had one genuine stroke of luck. Unlike Alex Litvinenko, he's still alive. The, if-it-wasn't-true-you'd-never-be-able-to-make-it-up story of Litvinenko's murder by Polonium-210 poisoning in London in 2006 had already been the subject of numerous documentaries (including 2017's acclaimed From The North favourite Hunting The KGB Killers). It was only a matter of time before it got turned into an ITV biopic with national heartthrob David Tennant in the title role. However, the dramatisation was more about the ten-year fight of Marina Litvinenko (Margarita Levieva) and a team of Met police officers (including Mark Bonner, Sam Troughton and Neil Maskell) as they worked, to date unsuccessfully, to prove the guilt and release the names of those responsible for the murder of Marina's husband. Tennant met with the real Marina and said that he felt a responsibility to her, adding 'it's so relevant to the world we live in what happened to that man and the things that he spent his life talking about and that his wife Marina, who is an extraordinary human, is still doing. The reason we tell that story is because it's so raw and vivid and important.' George Kay's script was largely based on police interview files. The series, broadcast in the final days of December 2022, was a ratings success, albeit receiving largely sniffy notices from the broadsheets. Elsewhere, it was a different story. 'The series wants you to know, or at least believe, that this is how things actually went down and if that means that Litvinenko is dry, choppy and only limitedly satisfying? That, I guess, is the price of fidelity,' wrote The Hollywood Reporter. 'A drama that reeks of authenticity' said The Times. 'Litvinenko manages to walk a fine line, respecting the humanity of the man murdered at the centre of this story and the mystery thriller aspect,' according to Tell-Tale TV. Whilst some critics whinged about the 'unsatisfying' nature of the denouement (perhaps expecting that the story would, somehow, invent a climax that included the arrest of a bunch of random Borises and Ivans), the final episode, with its leitmotif of a smiling Putin on a TV screen told a much more important story. That you can get away with murder, it would seem, if you're brazen about it and if you have enough murderers in your employ. The fact that Putin and his murderers are, allegedly, still getting away with the same sick shit in 2023 is the main reason to justify Litvinenko's existence.
'Are you just gonna burn down your career and take me with you?' 'Coin-flip?' 'Get outta here.' 'This is my office.' 'That took you longer than it should've!' Harrison Ford, in unlikely-but-brilliant comic mode, would be reason enough to watch this Apple TV+ series, but Shrinking does something unexpected and challenging to pull-off its ultimate hand. It balances a heartfelt dramatic tone in a story of grief with some funny, character-based humour. Very funny. Jason Segel, also one of the series' creators (along with Bill Lawrence and Brett Goldstein), plays Jimmy an endearing, but at times utterly useless, therapist. A year after his wife has died, he decides to tell his patients how to run their lives. Much of the wit comes from the way his colleagues try to save him from himself; Ford brings perfect deadpan delivery to the role of Paul, a senior therapist who is also Jimmy's irascible friend and mentor. Jessica Williams is another colleague and, together, she and Ford can make a disagreement about how much water to drink in a day a genuine comic delight. As the characters reveal more and more flaws as the series progresses, they also become, oddly, more likable to the audience for all their imperfections. Shrinking has far darker ideas on its mind than an earnest approach would suggest it can translate, but Segel and Ford's sparkling witty turns make these characters worth sticking with for all ten episodes. 'On its own terms, the show is a bright spot in a very crowded landscape that isn't always this good at taking pain and decency - and comedy - and giving them all room to breathe,' wrote NPR. 'Shrinking reminds us that Ford can be funny when given the chance. Really funny,' added the Capital Times. The Gruniad Morning Star agreed: 'It is Ford - in only his second-ever small screen role and the first to let him remind us all of his comic as well as dramatic chops - who holds it all together.' Perhaps the Wall Street Journal best expressed what makes Shrinking work: 'The overall sense is a little like laughing at a funeral; the human impulses are familiar, a little perverse and somehow comforting!' A second series has, unsurprisingly, been commissioned.
'That takes us from Keith Richards to Lindsay Lohan. And she still looks hot!' Another show from the back-end of last year (with the final episode going out on New Year's Day), Rosie Molloy Gives Up Everything was a Sky Comedy series, created and written by Susan Nickson and starring From The North favourites Sheridan Smith, Ardal O'Hanlon and Pauline McLynn. Sheridan plays the titular thirtysomething, who has a well-paid partnership position in a Manchester accountancy firm. But the stressed workaholic has been self-medicating - with alcohol, drugs, cigarettes, sex and even Terry's Chocolate Oranges. After an embarrassing incident at her brother's wedding, she wakes up in hospital and decides to change her life which, crucially, means giving up as the title suggests everything. Her parents and friends, however, are no help at all ('therapy is for people who've no one to go for a pint with!') Worse, is the realisation that perhaps it isn't the addictions that are her problem in the first place. More of a comedy-drama than a drama with some funny bits, the Gruniad Morning Star said: 'It's gags galore in Sheridan Smith's hilarious new comedy. The actor's captivating turn as an out-of-control hedonist has a script stuffed with jokes.' The Times agreed: 'Some vehicles work better for Sheridan Smith than others, but Rosie Molloy Gives Up Everything is a rocket for her talent,' adding: 'Its irreverence probably won't please some. Rosie Molloy is a mess, but a damn funny one.' The Independent praised the series' 'great deal of dramatic tension. It's comical, in the darkest kind of way. In Smith's spirited (no pun intended) performance, our Rosie is a kind of engaging Mancunian good-time girl who'll try anything once ' and then get addicted to it.' Sheridan was, as usual for this gifted actress, a force of nature in a role which she managed to make, simultaneously, ridiculous and sympathetic with consummate ease.
'I have dreams sometimes about things that will happen. And I wake up terrified.' How is it, dear bloggerisationism-type individuals, that Apple's Foundation, a visually spectacular adaptation of one of the most famous SF novel series of all time, is somehow one of the least talked-about shows on television? Created by David S Goyer and Josh Friedman and loosely based on the works of Isaac Asimov, Foundation is set in a distant future where The Galactic Empire is ruled by a Genetic Dynasty of cloned emperors. When mathematician Hari Seldon (Jared Harris) develops a complex algorithm to predict the future, he and his Foundation are banished to a remote planet. Series Two, broadcast in July, picked up one hundred and thirty years later: Lee Pace's Brother Day seeks to shore up The Empire's maximum power (and shake-up The Genetic Dynasty) by making a strategic marriage, while The Foundation, now the subject of a fast-emerging religion, faces new external and internal threats. Foundation's best scenes involve Pace as The Empire's egotistical tyrant and Laura Birn as Demerzel, his steely android majordomo. Demerzel's centuries-long history of service to The Empire finally comes into view and the push and pull between this soulful android and her utterly soulless human master makes for some of television's most conceptually fascinating SF. 'Impressively imaginative,' according to The Times, 'dripping with production value and excellent performances' claimed The Wrap, 'except perhaps Battlestar Galactica, rarely have we seen such a complex and well-built world to tell us something so dense and full of ramifications,' added Espinof. Though the latter said so in Spanish, so you'll have to take this blogger's word for it. 'Foundation is a true spectacle, there's no denying that,' wrote Ready Steady Cut. 'The visuals and the world-building are on another level. This is a sci-fi fanatic's dream come true.' It isn't too late to tune into Foundation. Certainly, it can seem a daunting prospects for the newbie - it's a vast, talky and complex epic that makes Dune look like an episode of Lost In Space. But, for the patient viewer who is prepared to put in some work, it is endlessly rewarding. A third series began filming in May in Prague, but was halted in July, as a result of the - now resolved - Hollywood industry disputes.
'Ben lived with him, then Peter got ill. Then Ben lived with my aunt and she got ill.' Written by Sarah Phelps and directed by Saul Dibb, The Sixth Commandment is far from the sometimes exploitative style that viewers have come to associate with the true crime genre, especially in relation to a case of so recent vintage. Instead, this four-part BBC drama centred the lives of the victims, academic and novelist Peter Farquhar and his neighbour, Ann Moore-Martin, who were murdered in the Buckinghamshire village of Maids Moreton in 2014 and 2017. From The North favourite Timothy Spall is impeccable as Farquhar, as is Anne Reid playing Moore-Martin, bringing humanity, nuance and insight into their lives. The series follows the sinister, tragic circumstances involving their deaths, the web of manipulation, control and deception police would need to untangle in their investigation and the court case, when devastating revelations would be made and proved. Sheila Hancock, Éanna Hardwicke, Annabel Scholey and Ben Bailey Smith also featured in a shocking tale of gaslighting, jealousy and cruelty. The Gruniad praised the writing, directing and performances and called it 'as immaculate a piece of TV as you will ever see.' The Torygraph also lauded the performances and said the drama 'never forgets Field's victims were real and suffered horribly.' The Sixth Commandment 'is so harrowing it borders on unwatchable. It also might well be the best television drama of the year,' added The Australian whilst The Times described it as 'heart-breaking, compelling drama'. Here, again, is the sort of television which viewers don't appreciate they need until they are confronted by it.
'Our job puts us up against death. We might not like it but we do have to face it.' Is there anything better than television that really, deeply and proudly knows itself and its responsibilities? Star Trek: Strange New Worlds is a great show for a number of reasons. The cast, already strong in its first series, have become more relaxed and playful in the SF drama's second year. It is capable of encompassing a broad tonal range, swinging from bowel-shatteringly horrid horror to brilliantly funny comedy hijinks and back again in space of three episodes. It also - and this is important - understands how to tie thoughtful character development together with story-arcs, which benefits both sides of that equation: Characters like Spock (Ethan Peck), Ortegas (Melissa Navia), Pike (Anson Mount) and Christine Chapel (Jess Bush) feel more nuanced, while the stories they drive are allowed to reach satisfying ends. Following the opening two-parter, episodes like Tomorrow & Tomorrow & Tomorrow (a time-travel vehicle for introducing Jim Kirk), Charades (possibly the funniest conceit that the Star Trek franchise has ever attempted) and Those Old Scientists (well, expect for this one, obviously!) rammed home the message that Strange New Worlds does what it does and does it brilliantly. Not just to pleasure the fans (though they do that easily enough, anyway) but also to satisfy those who wouldn't know their dilithium crystals from their trans-warp conduits and simply want to enjoy fine, character-based storytelling. Even the much-debated musical episode (Subspace Rhapsody) worked. And, in existing, it also gloriously pissed off a few stuffy old farts who, frankly, deserved a bit of pissing off. But what most defines Strange New World is absolute confidence in what makes this series work. It takes big swings and it stays rooted in an old-school-TV outlook which values generosity of spirit, warmth and broad appeal. 'Many Trek series have failed at this adventure-of-the-week storytelling, especially when trying to mix it with bigger-picture storylines. Worlds feels effortless,' suggested USA Today (correctly). It feels, to grown-up viewers, like being fourteen again and watching the TV you love when you know you should really be doing your homework. Filming for next year's third series has been, as with a lot of US series, delayed due to the recently-ended actors strike.
'We're looking for six robbers and three tons of gold. Money like that will end up in surprising places with surprising people.' The gaping hole left by Happy Valley in the BBC's crime drama schedule was quickly filled by this super-pacy six-part race through the notorious Brink's-Mat bullion robbery of 1983, one of the UK's biggest heists of all time. And one of its most dramatised, too (1992's Fools Gold, 2003's Brinks Mat: The Greatest Heist, last year's The Curse to name but three). The Gold's graciously grey rendering of 1980s London - full of grim pubs, battered motors and suburban gangsters - was spot-on, but some artistic licence was taken by author Neil Forsyth, as the show's most engaging character, Charlotte Spencer's no-bullshit detective Nicki Jennings, sadly never existed. Starring Hugh Bonneville, Dominic Cooper, Sean Harris, Jack Lowden and Tom Cullen, the series was a ratings hit for BBC1 in February. The Times said of the series, 'it's tremendous. I'm not sure there's been a drama like it in years.' The Sunday Times called The Gold 'astonishingly, lavishly [and] well realised,' while Esquire suggested it was 'British TV at its best' and had 'all the hallmarks of a crime classic.' The Radio Times (which used to be written by adults) said it was 'an intricately crafted crime drama.' The Culture Whisper website considered that The Gold 'proves that shows dealing in largely British matters are just as ambitious as prestige American television.' The New Statesman called it 'outstandingly enjoyable TV,' with the Evening Standard adding: 'a truly smart British crime drama with a classic feel and a knockout cast.' There was some criticism of the perceived 'sympathetic' portrayal of Kenneth Noye (played by Lowden) from the family of the man whom he murdered in a road-rage incident in 1996 (reported, with some glee, by the Independent). Forsyth commented on the morality of the story, saying that the production was not seeking 'a black-and-white reading of it. No-one in the show is an out-and-out criminal living in a world dictated by criminality. They've got families and lives.' Which some may view as a rather backhanded way of turning Micky McAvoy, Brian Robinson, Noye et al into Thatcher-era Robin Hoods; so it is worth pointing out at this juncture that, in reality, their idea of robbing from the rich and giving to the poor was robbing from the rich (whilst tooled-up and threatening to burn people alive if they didn't do as instructed) and keeping it. Just for the sake of balance. Nevertheless, if you make a drama with as many plus-points as this, you're allowed a few liberties with the truth.
'Howard, that is the stupidest thing I've ever heard!' Political comedies are nothing new (see, Veep, The Thick Of It, Yes, Minister et al), but biographical political comedies are still pretty niche. White House Plumbers suggests that could change. But only if you find a political situation ridiculous enough to warrant this sort of treatment. Following fruitcake White House insiders Howard Hunt (Woody Harrelson) and Gordon Liddy (Justin Theroux), the two Nixon allies ultimately responsible for the Watergate fiasco, HBO's re-telling of one of American history's most pivotal controversies included several fine performances (Theroux actually underplayed good old mental G Gordon something this blogger wasn't sure was even possible). And, it included comedic sequences which were both witty and absurd in equal measure. Based, very loosely, on low-level conspirator Bud Krogh's memoire, Integrity, the series - by Alex Gregory and Peter Huyck - occasionally got bogged down by its zealous ambition to adhere to historical fact, but with actors this appealing and material which was, truly, stranger than fiction, it managed to make most of the main players appear every bit as foolish as real life events suggest they were. Lena Headey was terrific as Hunt's far-smarter wife, Domhnall Gleeson a brilliantly frustrated 'why am I surround by idiots?' John Dean and Toby Huss a 'who is he really working for?' James McCord. The scene where the latter, having been arrested at the Watergate is refusing to give his identity to the arresting officer when another cop walks by and says, casually, 'Oh, hi Jim!' was priceless. 'A farce that recognises the Watergate scandal as a political tragedy that has acquired the requisite historical distance to turn it into amiable, if not electric, comedy,' said the Independent. 'Americans may find it depressing but, for everyone else, it is a period hoot begging to be binged,' added the Torygraph. Perhaps unsurprisingly, American critics were generally harsher, although Brian Lowry's description of the show as 'a lightweight companion to All The President's Men, presenting the flip side of all that planning and frantic covering up by what amounted to Keystone Criminals,' proved that some people across the Atlantic actually did get the joke.
'Why are you doing this?' 'We want you to be scared.' Not to be confused with the Sky crime drama Wolfe (which was okay, but nothing special), Wolf was an intensely twisty six-part thriller from the BBC, broadcast in the late summer. It was adapted from Mo Hayder's series of Jack Caffery novels by Megan Gallagher and starred The Midwich Cuckoos' Ukweli Roach as Detective Inspector Caffery, who was trying to find the truth behind his ten-year-old brother's murder in the 1990s. Meanwhile, a terrifying duo played by Doctor Who's Sacha Dhawan and Game Of Thrones' Iwan Rheon took a wealthy family (including a husband and wife played by Owen Teale and Juliet Stevenson) hostage in their own home, resulting in a disturbing race against time. It was made by Sherlock producers, Hartswood Films and featured some of the most disturbing and tense moments of drama seen on telly all year. Only a slight bagginess in a couple of episodes let it down, somewhat. Plus, as more than one online reviewer has noted, if you live in a palatial gaff in the middle of nowhere and, one day, The Master and Ramsey Bolton turn up at your door and ring the bell, do not let them in under any circumstances! Being both grisly and darkly humorous in places, it wasn't going to be to all tastes and a few of the usual suspects lined-up to give it a right kicking. Take The Times, for instance ('a candy-floss rush of unsatisfied longing, it is one of the most repulsive things I've seen.'). And, the Torygraph ('a deep unpleasantness spoils this offbeat thriller'). Others, like the Evening Standard, found more to enjoy ('the series initially asks a lot of the audience. But ultimately it provides such a worthy pay-off that it's almost worth the producers adding an endnote reading "trust us ... stick with this," to the end of the early intense, but shallow episodes'). This blogger considers the Gruniad's claim that 'this totally wild thriller has to be seen to be believed' is much closer to the mark.
'Treason. That's what I'm accusing you of.' A six-part Cold War espionage drama, based on Nicholas Elliott's decades-long friendship of and betrayal by Kim Philby. The source text was Ben Macintyre's bestselling book (previously, made by the author into a fine two-part BBC documentary, Kim Philby: His Most Intimate Betrayal, a 2014 From The North 'Best Of' nominee). It first arrived on the, then new, ITVX streaming service in December 2022 before getting a July slot on ITV. The star-studded line-up included Damien Lewis, Anna Maxwell Martin, Guy Pearce and Ade Edmondson and the series was nominated in the best mini-series category at the BAFTAs. More cerebral than action-packed, A Spy Among Fiends was an intelligent tale of espionage elevated by a pair of sterling performances from Lewis and Pearce. Maxwell-Martin, whom this blogger sometimes finds a bit too much like hard work to actually enjoy her acting, gave one of her finer performances as the fictious intelligence officer Lily Thomas. 'Watching it again confirmed that what I really like about A Spy Among Friends is its slow-burning quality. It is dialogue, rather than action, driven and that means you have to concentrate. That's something of a lost art these days,' suggested Ireland's Sunday Independent. The Times spoke of 'the cloistered, nicotine-stained rooms [which] feel deliberately evocative of the best John Le Carré adaptations, to which this occasionally feels like an homage, while flashbacks to 1930s Vienna and wartime London add texture to the story.' The series 'is more Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, Spy than The Spy Who Loved Me, with a stellar ensemble that makes even the most seemingly drab and dry scenes (two people in a room, talking) feel like high-stakes drama with spidery diplomatic repercussions' added The AV Club. 'Anyone who relishes the extended interrogations in Line Of Duty will be mesmerised by this six-part series, which amounts to one long cross-examination,' said the Daily Scum Mail. Few television dramas, as Australia's The Age noted, 'have made hypocrisy so compelling.' You see, dear blog reader. When they put their minds to it, ITV really can produce stuff that isn't disgraceful, characterless, bland and banal rubbish. Good for them.
'I suppose I thought things would just go on. But then, they don't.' After eleven years, nine series and thirty six movie-length episodes of classy investigative drama, the Inspector Morse and Lewis prequel's final series wrapped up all of its (many) loose ends with a fan-pleasing valedictory lap and a justified bow to the grandstand. There were, of course, Jags, real ales and the ever-growing sense of an investigator out-of-step with the times in which he finds himself. The enigmatic last episode (Exeunt) was the perfect way to say farewell to Shaun Evans as the titular detective sergeant and to set Endeavour Morse on the road to the melancholy alcoholism and depression which characterised John Thaw's portrayal; but, not without the odd compellingly unanswered question, of course. As with previous series, all three of the final episodes contained little one-liners of foreshadowing for the two series to which this was a prequel (Morse mentioning to Fred Thursday that a murder victim, Andrew Lewis, has a cousin in Newcastle - a bright young police cadet called Robert). The climactic gathering of the cast for Jim Strange and Joanie's wedding was the best possible way to end a series that always deserved far greater critical acclaim than it ever received. But which, nevertheless, gave its huge audience exactly what they wanted. 'Each scene they share reminds us of what we'll be missing when Thursday and Morse finally part. But these episodes also close out their time and ours satisfactorily,' wrote the Salon website. 'With close to perfect pitch, this very final denouement had you sitting ever more uncomfortably,' added the Torygraph. As this blogger noted when putting the second series of Endeavour in his 'Best Of' list for 2014, Russell Lewis 'devised a powerful thriller with the grandeur of The Shadow Line or State Of Play ... Endeavour always feels contemporary despite the lack of smartphones and computers. Nevertheless, the series has managed to remain a period drama without ever coming across as anachronistic.' Sometimes, dear blog reader, we don't appreciate what we've got until it's gone. This blogger has a feeling that, much like both of its predecessors, in years to come people will look back on Endeavour as a genuine high-watermark in detective drama.
'Operation has commenced. The plane is under control.' Reanimating that long-dormant movie genre, the aeroplane hijacking thriller, almost on the back of Idris Elba's charisma alone, this Apple TV+ seven-parter was best embraced as high-adrenalin, high-altitude hokum rather than a gleaming slice of prestige telly. More 24 than United 93, if you will. Hijack started strongly, introducing Elba's sharp-witted business negotiator on a Dubai to London flight as he subtly disrupted the power dynamics of the hijackers and their captives. And demonstrated an ability to keep the cortisol levels high as Neil Maskell's band of mysterious skyjackers slowly lost control of the situation. The overcrowded, underwritten ensemble of characters on the ground felt like discards from an episode of From The North favourite [spooks], but the almost-in-real-time 24-like device worked a treat, with fatigue-impaired judgments lending unpredictability to the on-board scenes. Switching viewpoints between the chaos erupting on the plane and those reacting on the ground, it was a compelling, pulse-racing story of criminal agendas and human foibles. From The North favourites Eve Myles, Max Beesley, Simon McBurney, Hattie Morahan, Holly Aird, Kevin Eldon and Julia Deakin cropped up at various points - either on the plane or off it. Hijack became the second Apple TV+ show - after Ted Lasso - to be listed on the Nielsen streaming rankings when it received three hundred and fifty seven million minutes of viewing time. 'Largely devoid of storytelling turbulence and benefitting greatly from its real-time pacing, Hijack is a glossy but effective thriller that achieves genuine lift-off,' noted Rotten Tomatoes, on especially pun-tastic form. 'The series is patently ridiculous,' suggested the Globe & Mail 'and features just a little too much time following characters on the ground (including Archie Panjabi's anti-terrorism agent) instead of those in the sky. But Elba can sell the silliest of premises with ease.' Like its title, Hijack 'gets to the point and zeroes in on the business at hand,' added the San Francisco Chronicle. Hijack 'largely succeeds because it dances around clichés with finesse,' said the Den Of Geek website. Even the Gruniad whom, one suspected, disapproved of this on general principle on the grounds that travelling in aeroplanes kills baby seals (or something) quite liked it. Hijack, incidentally, is scriptwriter George Kay's third entry into this year's From The North 'Best Of' list (after The Long Shadow and Litvinenko).
'They don't get to decide what to do. Promise me you will fight for her.' If you'd like to watch two of Britain's best actors absolutely obliterate your heart, dear blog reader, watch Best Interests. Sharon Horgan and Michael Sheen are at the top of their game in Jack Thorne's four-part BBC series, following the devastating experience of parents whose child's health rapidly deteriorates. Set in Cheltenham, the series hinges on Nicci (Horgan) and Andrew (Sheen), whose daughter Marnie (Niamh Moriarty) has muscular dystrophy. From their other daughter Katie (Alison Oliver) to Marnie's doctor Samantha (Noma Dumezweni), Best Interests' brings complexity and humanity to the characters as they navigate the awful practicalities which lie ahead. Horgan - whose work, like Anna Maxwell Martin (see above) this blogger sometimes struggles to enjoy - gave one of the most touching performances of her career, as did From The North favourite Sheen, as the series kept one unimaginable question at its heart: When your child's illness reaches unfathomable depths, who decides what is 'best' for all concerned? 'Anchored by a raft of excellent performances, this is a powerful, moving story of the impossible decisions facing the parents of seriously ill children,' said the Independent. 'It's brutal, at times overwrought. But in the end, yes, there is a powerful and moving redemption that feels beautiful and true,' added the Torygraph. 'Creatively, it wasn't much, but emotionally it was, as people now say, a lot,' whinged some shit of no importance at The Times. Sometimes, dear blog reader, with television you have to do some of the emotional heavy lifting yourself to get the most out of the experience. Best Interests was one of those instances.
'I can't tell what's real any more.' A six-part BBC Gothic detective drama created by Joe Murtagh and starring From The North favourite Ruth Wilson and Daryl McCormack and made by Motive Pictures, The Woman In The Wall focused on the three fundamental M's; Murder, mystery and morality. It concerned one woman's traumatic past which threatened to expose Ireland's most shocking and darkest secrets. Lorna (Wilson) wakes up to find the dead body of a woman in her house. Lorna has a long history of trauma-based sleepwalking that stretches back to her time spent in Ireland's controversial Magdalene Laundries. 'The story at its heart is so strong ... that it carries you along and the rest begins to make sense. Of course it has the tone of a horror story, because that's exactly what this was,' suggested That Awful Singh Woman at the Torygraph. The Times' Carol Midgley said 'As an artful portrait of deep, complex, messy pain it was magnificent.' 'It seethes with anger' added her colleague Hugo Rifkind. Not unexpectedly, it got a right kicking in Ireland ('the most misconceived drama of the year' according to some shrill and wholly non-agenda-soaked nobody at the Irish Independent). The skill of the writing and direction (by Rachna Suri) was, as has been noted by several reviewers, light, with several almost comic touches deployed on this darkest of dark materials. The titular corpse was, it turned out, merely a MacGuffin to push viewers into the right direction for what followed. No bad thing as it turned out.
'Unfortunately, I have to go away!' Broadcast over three consecutive nights on ITV from 2 January, Stonehouse, a slyly dark and witty enactment of a bizarre episode from 1970s British politics, was a camp and expertly-acted delight. The draw here was Matthew Macfayden, on loan from Succession and playing John Stonehouse, the Labour MP, ex-Postmaster General, unsuccessful businessman and, (alleged) Czech spy who faked his own death to avoid an espionage scandal and fled to Australia. Caught, extradited, convicted of fraud and given a seven stretch, Stonehoue lived out his final years in relative anonymity, wrote novels, occasionally appeared in public and died in 1988. Macfayden lined Stonehouse's shallow buffoonery with sociopathic cruelty, badly mistreating his wife, Barbara (Macfayden's wife and frequent co-star From The North favourite Keeley Hawes) and doubling down on his appalling behaviour along the way to near (but not quite) redemption by the conclusion. At just three episodes, this was high-minded, briskly effortless entertainment. From The North favourite Kevin McNally put in a lovely little turn as Harold Wilson, just about managing to play the role without resorting to Mike Yarwoodisms. 'A nimble portrait of a man who couldn’t comprehend the errors of his ways, even as he was pretending to apologise for them,' said The Australian. 'Macfadyen is always enjoyable to watch, even if his showy take distracts from the more subtle performance of Keeley Hawes as Mrs Stonehouse. And the story of Stonehouse is, itself, a pleasantly victimless one,' added the Independent. Pre-broadcast Stonehouse's daughter, Julia (who still refuses to accept much of the wrongdoing attributed to her father) complained about both this production and the contemporary Channel 4 documentary The Spy Who Died Twice. 'If the real Stonehouse was as his daughter believes, this show has done him a disservice. But if he was at all like the bumbling, empty, self-deceiving character it presents, farce is all he deserves,' considered The Age. Stonehouse told its story with economy, wit and skill. History will be the judge on whether it got to its protagonist's remarkable, tragic and laughable behaviour right or not.
42. 1923
'You'd be Mrs Dutton?' 'I would.' As Taylor Sherdian's Yellowstone franchise continues to expand, fans have received the opportunity to meet a new generation of Duttons in a prequel dating back to the early stages of what would become the Great Depression. Premiering on 18 December 2022, on Paramount+, the series was a prequel to Yellowstone and serves as a sequel 1883, with Isabel May reprising her role from the latter as the narrator, Elsa. Harrison Ford portrays Jacob Dutton, the head of the Yellowstone ranch alongside his wife, Cara (Helen Mirren). Like all the previous series, viewers get to witness them experience a number of trials and tribulations, including some that reflect how much the couple grows amid hard times in Montana. Also featuring From The North favourites Jerome Flynn, Timothy Dalton, Robert Patrick and Jennifer Ehle, the show was predicted to cost between thirty and thirty five million dollars per episode. '1923 is brilliant,' wrote the Sydney Morning Herald. 'Taylor Sheridan's writing is so taut it feels like the tension could snap at any moment and Ben Richardson's crisp and economic direction suits the weary, almost sullen mood.' Ford and Mirren 'have a comfortable chemistry as husband and wife and Mirren's character is an attractive blend of tough-as-old-boots, gun-toting cattle rancher and sympathetic matriarch,' added the Torygraph. According to Paramount, the debut episode brought in 7.4 million viewers in both linear and streaming telecasts, making it Paramount+'s biggest debut ever. There was little surprise, therefore, when in February 1923 was renewed for a second, eight episode, series.
43. The Rig
'If you keep punching holes in the Earth eventually it's going to punch back!' Released in January, The Rig was not exactly John Carpenter's The Fog, perhaps, but there was plenty of it in David Macpherson's six-episode Prime Video series. Set entirely on the Kinloch Bravo oil rig in The North Sea, the series was a tense mystery survival thriller with a strong set-up and some properly nail-biting scenes. The titular rig's communications are on the blink and a power malfunction means the crew's return to land has been delayed, sparking unrest. But, they've got bigger problems, as a mysterious fog rolls in, engulfing the structure and leaving it stranded. As supplies dwindle, tensions rise among the crew and people start turning up dead, it becomes apparent there is something nasty in the mist and the drilled depths beneath the waves. Like an extreme workplace-based Poseidon Adventure, it was deeply compelling stuff. The Rig's cast was strong too, from Schitt's Creek's Emily Hampshire as Rose, the rep for the rig's overlord, Pictor Energy, to Iain Glen and Owen Teale, as practical rig boss Magnus and aggressive, mutinous head driller Hutton, respectively. There was also Mark Bonner, Line Of Duty alumni Martin Compston and Rochenda Sandall. Meanwhile Calvin Demba played the mysterious-as- shit crew member Baz, whose experience connects the practicalities of the rig's plight with something more sinister. 'Majestically engineered daftness - the best kind,' claimed The Times. 'High-purity binge nirvana from the Seventies school of schlock,' added the Torygraph. 'It feels kind of like a Doctor Who ship-siege-episode, on the water. And scarier! Because, well, you know what happens when you stare too long into the abyss,' said the Autostraddle website. The Daily Mirra called it 'utterly gripping.' A second series has, reportedly, been commissioned.
44. Champion
'Champion to the world. Winners only that's why they say I'm champion to your girl.' Queenie author Candice Carty-Williams created and wrote this eight-part BBC/Netflix drama, 'a love letter to Black British music set in South London,' according to the author. It followed rapper Bosco Champion (Top Boy's Malcolm Kamulete), who has just got home from a spell in prison ready to rebuild his life and his career. Whilst he's re-establishing himself on the 'vibrant UK Grime scene' (no, me neither) with the hippin' and the hoppin' and the baseball-cap-on-backwards and that, his talented sister and manager, Vita (Déja J Bowens in her TV debut), is scouted by his rival, Bulla (Corey Weekes). Like a modern-day Cinderella, Vita sorts out Bosco's many problems with stage-fright, writes his songs and gets him out of the police station when he is arrested on his birthday, but she gets no credit for any of it. Tensions in the Champion family rise and the siblings find themselves at odds. The cast also included singer-songwriter Ray BLK, Small Axe's Nadine Marshall, His Dark Materials' Ray Fearon, Doctor Who's Jo Martin, Adeyinka Akinrinade, Genesis Lynea and many more. The Gruniad Morning Star described it as having 'sharp social observations' with 'an impressive soundtrack.' The Torygraph said 'you'll be rooting for Vita from the start and Bowens is one to watch.' However, it argued that the drama would be better placed on the youf [sic] orientated BBC3 rather than BBC1. The i compared Vita's 'radio-friendly melodies' to Bosco's 'grime performances and clashes against other MCs' suggesting the result was 'authentic, varied and - crucially - a really good soundtrack.' Of course, predictably, the Daily Scum Mail hated it ('The soundtrack of grime music doesn't help, with its emphasis on violence and aggression. Nor do the social media messages popping up on screen') so, that's probably the best reason to watch Champion on principle. Though the Financial Times criticised the overly 'verbose' script they added that a scene 'in which Bosco trades rapid-fire bars of improvised insults with his arch-nemesis Bulla is as exhilarating as any action-movie fight sequence.' Sometimes, when the Beeb tries to get 'down wid da kidz' it comes across as a ridiculous, patronising vision ala The Young Ones' Nozzin' Around parody. But, happily, there are other occasions where they get it right. This was one of the latter.
45. Without Sin
'I didn't kill Maisie. I've been framed.' From The North favourite and 'Best Of' list regular Vicky McClure starred in this gripping crime thriller about a mother who is so desperate to find out the truth about her teenage daughter's death that she befriends the man who is currently banged up for her murder but who claims to be innocent of the crime (Johnny Harris). Frances Poletti's four-part drama was available on ITVX in the final few days of 2022 before being given a terrestrial slot on ITV in May. McClure was, rightly, nominated for a BAFTA for her effortlessly nuanced performance, described by more than one critic as an absorbing portrayal of grief and obsession. The Gruniad praised McClure's acting (as, admittedly, did just about everyone else) describing Without Sin as 'a heavyweight thriller.' The Torygraph were effusive about the ensemble cast and the evocative nature of the setting. Poletti, in her debut series, pulled-off 'the extraordinary feat of coming up with - and landing - a labyrinthine plot while maintaining tension throughout' added the Evening Standard. This would appear to be all the evidence needed to From The North ... whatever the opposite of favourite is, Jimmy McGovern, that not every story about prison life, necessarily, needs to include offering an obligatory cyanide pill to the collective audience at the end of the final episode.
46. The Fake Sheikh
'It was so unbelievable it was believable.' Ceri Isfryn and Alexandra Lacey's three-part Amazon Prime documentary series on Mazher Mahmood, the tabloid journalist who was convicted of conspiracy to pervert the course of justice arrived in September. Before his conviction, Mahmood worked for twenty years for the Scum of the World and, after that disgraced and disgraceful cancer of a newspaper was closed in shame and ignominy, The Sunday Times. Mahmood became known popularly as the fake sheikh because he often posed as Arab royalty during the course of his slimy doings. In addition to numerous alleged 'public-interest investigations', he attracted allegations of law breaking without any clear public-interest justification, including several cases in which he was accused of entrapment. 'Like Frank Zappa's Sheikh Yerbouti, Mazher Mahmood's appropriation of Arabic dress leaves a nasty aftertaste,' suggested the Gruniad. 'But how did this chancer with only one costume change manage to serially dupe his victims? ... Perhaps the saddest truth revealed by this film is not that a vainglorious celebrity and their reputation are easily separated. Rather it's that dressing-up journalism is over.' The Fake Sheikh 'could have played all of this with a nod and a wink, or for maximum scorn. Instead, it shoots straight down the middle, a fair approach that results in a pretty bland product,' whinged someone at Rolling Stain. Following his release from The Joint in 2016, Mahmood has, reportedly, found himself unemployable. And, we're supposed to, what, feel sorry for him?
47. Romantic Getaway
'Ideally, I don't want to raise our baby in prison. Although, I do think some babies look cute in orange!' Made for Sky and starring Katherine Ryan and Romesh Ranganathan (who also co-created the comedy with Ben Green), Romantic Getaway initially threatened to suffer the fate of many recent British comedy series in that most of the best jokes appeared in the trailer. Never a good sign. And then something quite surprising happened; Romantic Getaway got funny. Yes, Keith Telly Topping was surprised too. Perhaps this blogger shouldn't have been so quick to prejudge. From The North favourite Ryan is always a delightfully amusing screen presence and, if you can keep Ranganathan away from formats that do him no favours, retired ex-footballers and Bloody Jack Bloody Whitehall, he's usually watchable when he does 'frantic and bewildered'. Allison and Deacon are a couple who are desperate for a baby, but they have run out of money to complete more IVF treatment. They discover their wealthy boss (From The North favourite Johnny Vegas) is illegally skimming funds from the company, so they decide he can afford it if they 'borrow' fifty grand from his account. When Deacon accidentally adds an extra nought to the transfer and steals half-a-million notes, the pair kick-off a downward spiral into the criminal underworld of suburban Britain. 'Once it gets the scene-setting out of the way and establishes that they are sort-of-good people doing a bad thing for the right reasons, it starts to find its feet. As the tension rises, so too does the daftness. It is best when it is silliest and Vegas, Ranganathan and Ryan make a surprisingly killer trio,' said the Gruniad. 'It's all highly implausible but fast-paced fun, thanks largely to the chemistry between the mopey Ranganathan and manic Ryan,' suggested The Age. Conversely, the Evening Standard glowered disapprovingly 'despite its likeable cast and promising premise, Romantic Getaway lacks spark and finesse. Every thought process is laboriously explained, every convenient plot detail shoehorned in.' And the Daily Scum Mail reported on it just like someone pulling a face because they've smelled shit nearby. This blogger, for what it's worth, thought it was pretty good and given the very low expectations he had going in, he's taking that as a win.
48. Gregg Wallace: The British Miracle Meat
'And this is where the magic happens!' A satirical documentary, written by Matt Edmonds, presented by MasterChef's Gregg Wallace and Michelle Ackerley, The Great British Miracle Meat was first broadcast in July on Channel 4. It depicted the development in food technology by which a British industry produced a large amount of genetically engineered 'human meat.' It was later revealed to be an, if you will, 'mockumentary' based on the satirical essay, A Modest Proposal, by Jonathan Swift in 1729 which urged poor Irish families to sell their children to the rich as food. The Gruniad Morning Star said it was 'one of the best hoaxes in media history' and, as the Observer's Barbara Ellen described it: 'a socio-political mockumentary, a straight-faced, grimly cannibalistic satire on the cost of living crisis.' The Conversation added: 'It succeeded in generating the heat because it tapped into the anger and passion that people feel about the current state of affairs. It was savage satire.' Of course, whenever television traditionally tries something fourth-wall breaking such as this, crass hysteria usually follows swiftly behind from the right-wing press. Take the mostly media-created 'controversy' surrounding 1992's Ghostwatch, for example. Or, questions being asked in Parliament about Brass Eye's Cake episode in 1997. That Awful Singh Woman of the Torygraph was atypical of The Knockers: 'It would have worked far better as an advert for vegetarianism. Instead it played out like a Black Mirror episode stripped of cleverness and subtlety.' And, predictably, the Daily Scum Mail completely lost its shit, managing to stretch the manufactured controversy out across several days by scouring social media for wholly-contrived 'outrage' (and, inevitably, finding some). Neil Armstrong on BBC Culture also noted that a couple of gobshite members of Parliament 'condemned it and some who watched insisted that, even as satire, it had been - forgive the pun - in poor taste.' The Evening Standard was also critical: 'Just as I was about to ring family living up North [as Wallace's team would like to taste people from the region] and tell them to lock all doors or shoot Wallace on sight (to be honest, some are already prepared for the latter) the "mockumentary" lost its satirical power.' Perhaps, this latter point exposed the main issue some viewers had with the programme - bombastic political dogma aside. That nice Mister Baldy Gregg Wallace off MasterChef, he'd never lie to us, surely? Presumably, said by people who didn't see him claiming to toast bread with a heated fish-slice on Would I Lie To You? If nothing else, the programme was proof of an age-old TV truism; that if you try to show some people a point without hitting them, hard, on the head with a blunt object, chances are they'll miss it. As the Independent said, this was a 'sledgehammer satire for a nation on its knees.' Maybe that's exactly what Britain in 2023 needs - again, whether it wants, or even deserves, it or not.
49. Archie
'Cary Grant is a character. I have to be very careful about how he is perceived.' The life of Hollywood legend Cary Grant was depicted in ITV's four-part biopic, by award-winning screenwriter Jeff Pope and starring From The North favourite Hello To Jason Isaacs in the title role. Who was, of course, superb in it - but then, you'd expect nothing less from Hello To Jason. Kara Tointon, Harriet Walter, Jason Watkins, Calam Lynch and Laura Aikman also featured. Pope's scripts revealed how deceit, cruelty and one, overpowering, lie shaped young Archie Leech's life. At fourteen he auditioned for the music hall act, the Bob Pender Troupe - a band of acrobats, clowns and comedians - after seeing them perform at the Bristol Hippodrome. Lean and athletic, he learned the art of stilt-walking and, when the troupe went on tour to the US, teenage Archie was intoxicated by this land of opportunity. Believing he was unwanted by his family, he decided to stay in America to try to make his fortune in showbusiness. A chance meeting with the comedian George Burns helped him take a first step on the acting ladder and a contract with a movie studio who, of course, felt he needed to change his name. The drama intercut with scenes from 1961, Grant at the height of his fame having just made North By Northwest (Ian McNeice is terrific as a bullish Alfred Hitchcock) and living in Benedict Canyon, breaking box office records, but desperately unhappy in his private life. With two failed marriages behind him, he began to woo the actress Dyan Cannon. Thirty-three years his junior, Dyan, didn't initially fall for his charms because she didn't feel they could ever be a match. Dashingly handsome, suave and sophisticated, Cary continued to pursue her, with introductions to his famous friends, until they eventually wed in Las Vegas in 1965. And then, it all went, horribly, wrong. 'The script ... aims to reflect contemporary concerns about any imbalances between age and power in showbiz relationships,' wrote the Gruniad's Mark Lawson. The Times, the Gruniad and the Standard were among many reviewers who praised Hello To Jason's performance. Made in co-operation with Cannon and Grant's daughter, Jennifer, who were executive producers, the series arrived on ITVX on 23 November.
50. A Town Called Malice
'If you want to be a Lord, you've got to dance like a Lord!' Set in the 1980s, Football Factory director Nick Love's eight-part thriller focused on the Lord family. They are a decade past their criminal heydays, but that doesn't mean they do not feel nostalgic for it. Gene (Jack Rowen), the youngest, feels overlooked and neglected by his family who fail to recognise his intelligence and killer instincts. After narrowly surviving a gangland battle, Gene and his fiancée, Cindy (Tahirah Sharif) flee to the Costa del Sol, to evade arrest and find themselves embroiled in the local underworld, desperately trying to avoid trouble. Things heat up even further when the rest of the Lords join them in Spain and try to reclaim their halcyon days as criminal top dogs. With good performances from Jason Flemyng, Martha Plimpton and Dougray Scott, the series premiered on Sky Max in March although, seemingly, the ratings did not meet expectations and it was cancelled the following month in what Deadline described as a 'surprise move.' Certainly, the series was never in danger of reinventing the wheel, relying on tropes that Sky had previously essayed in 2009's The Take and, more recently, Gangs Of London, something the Gruniad, for one, picked up on (and, frankly, sneered at). 'Is it Peaky Blinders but fifty years on with cockney accents? Is it Gangs Of London but fifty years ago with sunshine? Is it McMafia but worth watching? The answer is yes. Sky's new drama series A Town Called Malice is, fairly unabashedly, a little bit of every crime family thriller of the past few years, this time set - completely unabashedly - in the 1980s. I mean, goodness, is it the 80s? The show and each of the eight episodes is named after an 80s pop hit ... and almost every scene is accompanied by one of the era's other big chart tunes.' The Independent suggested: 'It is admirably unrestrained in a genre where restraint has been all the rage. It's just a shame, then, that its vivacious styling couldn't be matched by a smarter script.' 'It's Bonnie & Clyde in Fila knitwear soundtracked by Now That's What I Call Music. But not necessarily in a good way,' scoffed the Torygraph. 'Malice might be a little too flippant for some crime drama fans, but it offers fast-paced, albeit violent, fun. Particularly for those of a certain vintage,' argued the Stuff website concluding that the series was a 'lurid, flavourful, somewhat fruity eighties crime-thriller cocktail.' The latter being a pretty accurate summation and, frankly, not a bad thing at all.
51. Super League: The War For Football
'This vast inequality has been growing for ten years; the rich getting richer, running away from the rest leaving them with crumbs.' In April 2021, twelve of the biggest football clubs in Europe (six of them - Arsenal, Chelsea, Liverpool, Manchester City, Manchester United and Tottenham Hotspur - from England) got their odious greed right on and announced that they were, if you will, taking their ball and going off to play with it on their own. Not satisfied with having forced through 'Financial Fair Play', the worst-named conceit in sporting history which had, effectively, erected a big wall around themselves and placed a sign saying 'This Is Our Club, You Can't Come In' to everyone else who kicks a ball around for fun and profit, now they were doing a Bender from Futurama. Creating their own theme-park. With blackjack and hookers. That was when the shit really did hit the fans. The ineptitude of the conspiracy between the twelve was matched, only, by the sheer banal rationale for them doing so ('more money for us'). It was like the NWA in Hot Fuzz without the jokes. Satisfyingly, the proposed 'European Super League' imploded within days as one after another of the majority of the clubs involved found themselves not only castigated by the media, politicians, broadcasters and football supporters in general but, more importantly, their own customers. You know, those annoying 'little people' who actually go to games, buy the club's grossly-overpriced merchandise and take out satellite TV subscriptions and, in doing so, pay the - obscenely-inflated - wages of the players. (Real Madrid and Barçelona, alarmingly, are still fighting their case through various courts to this day.) Connor Schell and Jeff Zimbalist's four-part Apple TV documentary exposed the full, staggering hubris and folly behind the enterprise. 'The War For Football does a good job of making graspable sense out of a labyrinthine tale and one in which not every narrator is reliable,' claimed the Wall Street Journal. 'While it does serve as a primer in parts for American audiences less familiar with European football, this docuseries is a comprehensive examination of the tradition-breaking announcement,' added The Age. 'Informative, dramatic and tense,' suggested the Common Sense Media website, whilst the series 'details big egos and an even bigger sordid cash grab,' said the Cult Of Mac. In fact, since their crass attempt to be the girls with the most cake, two of those involved - Chelsea and Manchester United - have endured an often miserable time on and off the field whilst both Liverpool and Spurs also had poor seasons last year by their own high standards, though they're doing better of late. And Chelsea and Manchester City, it would seem, both have a bit of explaining to do with regard to at least some of their financial dealings. Meanwhile, Aston Villa and this blogger's beloved (and now, thankfully sold) Newcastle United have emerged as genuine rivals for a place at The Big Boys Table. As the legendary German coach Sepp Herberger once noted, there is only a single universal constant in football - that 'the ball is round.'
52. The Fall Of The House Of Usher
'If anyone comes after us, we will exhaust our arsenal until the threat is neutralised.' If you tweak modern-day capitalism a mere notch or two, you get a deadpan socio-political satire like Succession (see above). However, if you keep turning that dial till it squeals for mercy, a gloriously extravagant kind of urban horror ensues. Congratulations, therefore, to Netflix's master of the macabre Mike Flanagan for spotting the potential for Grand Guignol in fusing Edgar Allan Poe's Gothic macabre with a Succession-esque story of the cursed, Richard Sackler-like billionaire (Bruce Greenwood, being brilliantly odious). Who, in an effective framing device, relays the dark fates of his offspring to a lawyer (Carl Lumbly) that has been fighting to bring the Usher empire down. Loosely based on various works by Poe, the series adapts otherwise-unrelated stories and characters into a single, non-linear, narrative covering the years between 1953 and 2023. It recounts both the rise to power of Roderick Usher, powerful CEO of a corrupt pharmaceutical company, his sister Madeline and the events leading to the deaths of all six of Roderick's children. Played, variously, by Kate Whiddington, Lulu Wilson, From The North favourite Mary McDonnell and Willa Fitzgerald, Madeline is the family's resident genius and the true power behind the throne. Flanagan's partner, Kate Siegel, was also great as Camille L'Espanaye, one of Roderick's doomed illegitimate children and Annabeth Gish turned up as Eliza, Roderick and Madeline's religious zealot of a mother. After a great start, the series teetered on the verge of going completely over-the-top via a hysterically deranged adaptation of The Masque Of The Red Death. But then, it recovered in the middle episodes before ending, inevitably, upon a midnight, dreary, with The Raven. The series had a long - and, at times troubled - route to screen with original lead Frank Langella replaced due to alleged misconduct on-set. IndieWire suggested 'as the absurdly wealthy destroy our only planet, our innocent pleasures and our very lives, even a blunt, overextended allegory can deliver visceral satisfactions. Arguing billionaires should not exist has rarely felt so Biblical.' The San Francisco Chronicle added: 'The tonal difference between the books and the series? The makers of The Fall Of The House Of Usher are having way more fun.' Another 'masterful' series from Flanagan, claimed Collider Video. 'An expertly-crafted combination of Poe-penned stories brought to screen via a slew of deliciously diabolical performances.' Poe's narratives and Gothic conventions 'provide the skeleton of the show, but Flanagan also pulls out the urgent themes of those works: conscience and the unconscious, greed and paranoia, sex and death,' noted The Financial Times. From The North favourite Mark Kermode described it as 'flawed but ambitious' and 'enjoyable' whilst comparing it to Tales Of The Unexpected. Like Flanagan's previous Midnight Mass (included in 2021's From The North 'Best Of' list) this was a treat for genre fans. Sometimes operatic, sometimes locating moments of genuine pathos amid the bloodshed, it was nicely played by a great ensemble that even threw in Mark Hamill as the family's sinister fixer. Depressingly, it is probably the closest that we will get to witnessing the people behind America's current OxyContin epidemic get their comeuppance - but it will have to do for the time being. The series was viewed six million times during its debut week, making it the most-watched English-language fiction programme on Netflix that week and third most-watched overall after the French-language series Lupin and the hagiography Beckham.
53. The Burning Girls
'Your arrival is a fresh start, a chance to lay some ghosts to rest.' 'Everything you could possibly want from a pre-Halloween frightfest,' according to the Gruniad Morning Star, The Burning Girls, released in October, was a six-part thriller based on the novel by CJ Tudor, adapted by Hans Rosenfeldt and Camilla Ahlgren. Developed by Buccaneer Media for Paramount+, it starred From The North favourite Samantha Morton and Ruby Stokes as a Reverend and her daughter who arrive in the village of Chapel Croft looking for a new start following a sudden loss. However, the sleepy village has, of course, dark secrets. You saw that coming, yes? Also featuring the likes of Rupert Graves, Jane Lapotaire and David Dawson, the series' got a positive review from The Times: 'It's a lot and the outcome is a bit more pulpy than you might have expected for a Samantha Morton drama. Still, we're in the Halloween silly season and The Burning Girls is no less addictive for all that.' A strange and often disturbing psychological chiller with shades of the kind of folk horror that The Wicker Man epitomises - something the Torygraph's review highlighted: 'It's The Vicar Of Dibley meets The Wicker Man (in Sussex)' - The Burning Girls appealed to this blogger's love of big drama in small situations. 'A fantastic adaption of a great novel, one that has been crying out for from a genre often neglected by television and film alike,' according to Liverpool Sound & Vision. '[It] offers an eerie folk horror vibe that will get viewers well and truly in the mood for spooky season,' added the Mirra whilst the Future Of The Force website called it 'quite simply superb.' As with all the other fifty two entries on From The North's 2023 'Best Of' list, dear blog reader, Keith Telly Topping thought it was great.
Also Mentioned In Dispatches:
Match Of The Day, Christmas Carole, The Traitors, Predators, Spector, Hancock: Very Nearly An Armful, Vera, The Light In The Hall, Consent, Doom Patrol, The MI5 Spy & The IRA: Operation Chiffon, Ghislaine Maxwell: Partner In Crime, Funny Woman, India: The Modi Question, Wor Geet Canny Robson Green's Weekend Escapes, Jason & Clara: In Memory Of Maude, The Witch Hunts: Lucy Worsley Investigates, A Year On Planet Earth, Ten Pound Poms, We Are Newcastle United, Unforgotten, We Need to Talk About Cosby, Phoenix Rise, Consent, The Power, Six-Four, The Hunt For Raoul Moat, There She Goes, Blackadder: The Lost Pilot, Rain Dogs, The Chemistry Of Death, Colin From Accounts, Steeltown Murders, Guilt, The Lost Flowers Of Alice Hart, Spy In The Ocean, Daisy Jones & The Six, Star Trek: Picard, U-Boat Wargamers, Would I Lie To You?, Only Murders In The Building, The Good Mothers, World On Fire, Tom Jones, Count Abdulla, Wild Isles, What We Do In The Shadows, Am I Being Unreasonable?, Union With David Olusoga, Changing Ends, Minx, Better, Red Rose, Then You Run, MH370: The Plane That Disappeared, Everywhere Else Burns, Who Is Erin Carter?, Maryland, The Lovers, Coleen Rooney: The Real Wagatha Story, Dreaming Whilst Black, The Witcher, Once Upon A Time In Northern Ireland, Black Mirror, Becoming Elizabeth, The Inheritance, The Killing Kind, The Following Events Are Based On A Pack Of Lies, Bodies, Partygate, Three Little Birds, Boiling Point, The Gathering, Scary Tales From New York, Only Connect, Planet Earth III, Unbelievable, When Blondie Came To Britain, Shetland, One Night, The Daleks In Colour.
From The North's TV Advert Of The Year -
'You'd be Mrs Dutton?' 'I would.' As Taylor Sherdian's Yellowstone franchise continues to expand, fans have received the opportunity to meet a new generation of Duttons in a prequel dating back to the early stages of what would become the Great Depression. Premiering on 18 December 2022, on Paramount+, the series was a prequel to Yellowstone and serves as a sequel 1883, with Isabel May reprising her role from the latter as the narrator, Elsa. Harrison Ford portrays Jacob Dutton, the head of the Yellowstone ranch alongside his wife, Cara (Helen Mirren). Like all the previous series, viewers get to witness them experience a number of trials and tribulations, including some that reflect how much the couple grows amid hard times in Montana. Also featuring From The North favourites Jerome Flynn, Timothy Dalton, Robert Patrick and Jennifer Ehle, the show was predicted to cost between thirty and thirty five million dollars per episode. '1923 is brilliant,' wrote the Sydney Morning Herald. 'Taylor Sheridan's writing is so taut it feels like the tension could snap at any moment and Ben Richardson's crisp and economic direction suits the weary, almost sullen mood.' Ford and Mirren 'have a comfortable chemistry as husband and wife and Mirren's character is an attractive blend of tough-as-old-boots, gun-toting cattle rancher and sympathetic matriarch,' added the Torygraph. According to Paramount, the debut episode brought in 7.4 million viewers in both linear and streaming telecasts, making it Paramount+'s biggest debut ever. There was little surprise, therefore, when in February 1923 was renewed for a second, eight episode, series.
'If you keep punching holes in the Earth eventually it's going to punch back!' Released in January, The Rig was not exactly John Carpenter's The Fog, perhaps, but there was plenty of it in David Macpherson's six-episode Prime Video series. Set entirely on the Kinloch Bravo oil rig in The North Sea, the series was a tense mystery survival thriller with a strong set-up and some properly nail-biting scenes. The titular rig's communications are on the blink and a power malfunction means the crew's return to land has been delayed, sparking unrest. But, they've got bigger problems, as a mysterious fog rolls in, engulfing the structure and leaving it stranded. As supplies dwindle, tensions rise among the crew and people start turning up dead, it becomes apparent there is something nasty in the mist and the drilled depths beneath the waves. Like an extreme workplace-based Poseidon Adventure, it was deeply compelling stuff. The Rig's cast was strong too, from Schitt's Creek's Emily Hampshire as Rose, the rep for the rig's overlord, Pictor Energy, to Iain Glen and Owen Teale, as practical rig boss Magnus and aggressive, mutinous head driller Hutton, respectively. There was also Mark Bonner, Line Of Duty alumni Martin Compston and Rochenda Sandall. Meanwhile Calvin Demba played the mysterious-as- shit crew member Baz, whose experience connects the practicalities of the rig's plight with something more sinister. 'Majestically engineered daftness - the best kind,' claimed The Times. 'High-purity binge nirvana from the Seventies school of schlock,' added the Torygraph. 'It feels kind of like a Doctor Who ship-siege-episode, on the water. And scarier! Because, well, you know what happens when you stare too long into the abyss,' said the Autostraddle website. The Daily Mirra called it 'utterly gripping.' A second series has, reportedly, been commissioned.
'Champion to the world. Winners only that's why they say I'm champion to your girl.' Queenie author Candice Carty-Williams created and wrote this eight-part BBC/Netflix drama, 'a love letter to Black British music set in South London,' according to the author. It followed rapper Bosco Champion (Top Boy's Malcolm Kamulete), who has just got home from a spell in prison ready to rebuild his life and his career. Whilst he's re-establishing himself on the 'vibrant UK Grime scene' (no, me neither) with the hippin' and the hoppin' and the baseball-cap-on-backwards and that, his talented sister and manager, Vita (Déja J Bowens in her TV debut), is scouted by his rival, Bulla (Corey Weekes). Like a modern-day Cinderella, Vita sorts out Bosco's many problems with stage-fright, writes his songs and gets him out of the police station when he is arrested on his birthday, but she gets no credit for any of it. Tensions in the Champion family rise and the siblings find themselves at odds. The cast also included singer-songwriter Ray BLK, Small Axe's Nadine Marshall, His Dark Materials' Ray Fearon, Doctor Who's Jo Martin, Adeyinka Akinrinade, Genesis Lynea and many more. The Gruniad Morning Star described it as having 'sharp social observations' with 'an impressive soundtrack.' The Torygraph said 'you'll be rooting for Vita from the start and Bowens is one to watch.' However, it argued that the drama would be better placed on the youf [sic] orientated BBC3 rather than BBC1. The i compared Vita's 'radio-friendly melodies' to Bosco's 'grime performances and clashes against other MCs' suggesting the result was 'authentic, varied and - crucially - a really good soundtrack.' Of course, predictably, the Daily Scum Mail hated it ('The soundtrack of grime music doesn't help, with its emphasis on violence and aggression. Nor do the social media messages popping up on screen') so, that's probably the best reason to watch Champion on principle. Though the Financial Times criticised the overly 'verbose' script they added that a scene 'in which Bosco trades rapid-fire bars of improvised insults with his arch-nemesis Bulla is as exhilarating as any action-movie fight sequence.' Sometimes, when the Beeb tries to get 'down wid da kidz' it comes across as a ridiculous, patronising vision ala The Young Ones' Nozzin' Around parody. But, happily, there are other occasions where they get it right. This was one of the latter.
'I didn't kill Maisie. I've been framed.' From The North favourite and 'Best Of' list regular Vicky McClure starred in this gripping crime thriller about a mother who is so desperate to find out the truth about her teenage daughter's death that she befriends the man who is currently banged up for her murder but who claims to be innocent of the crime (Johnny Harris). Frances Poletti's four-part drama was available on ITVX in the final few days of 2022 before being given a terrestrial slot on ITV in May. McClure was, rightly, nominated for a BAFTA for her effortlessly nuanced performance, described by more than one critic as an absorbing portrayal of grief and obsession. The Gruniad praised McClure's acting (as, admittedly, did just about everyone else) describing Without Sin as 'a heavyweight thriller.' The Torygraph were effusive about the ensemble cast and the evocative nature of the setting. Poletti, in her debut series, pulled-off 'the extraordinary feat of coming up with - and landing - a labyrinthine plot while maintaining tension throughout' added the Evening Standard. This would appear to be all the evidence needed to From The North ... whatever the opposite of favourite is, Jimmy McGovern, that not every story about prison life, necessarily, needs to include offering an obligatory cyanide pill to the collective audience at the end of the final episode.
'It was so unbelievable it was believable.' Ceri Isfryn and Alexandra Lacey's three-part Amazon Prime documentary series on Mazher Mahmood, the tabloid journalist who was convicted of conspiracy to pervert the course of justice arrived in September. Before his conviction, Mahmood worked for twenty years for the Scum of the World and, after that disgraced and disgraceful cancer of a newspaper was closed in shame and ignominy, The Sunday Times. Mahmood became known popularly as the fake sheikh because he often posed as Arab royalty during the course of his slimy doings. In addition to numerous alleged 'public-interest investigations', he attracted allegations of law breaking without any clear public-interest justification, including several cases in which he was accused of entrapment. 'Like Frank Zappa's Sheikh Yerbouti, Mazher Mahmood's appropriation of Arabic dress leaves a nasty aftertaste,' suggested the Gruniad. 'But how did this chancer with only one costume change manage to serially dupe his victims? ... Perhaps the saddest truth revealed by this film is not that a vainglorious celebrity and their reputation are easily separated. Rather it's that dressing-up journalism is over.' The Fake Sheikh 'could have played all of this with a nod and a wink, or for maximum scorn. Instead, it shoots straight down the middle, a fair approach that results in a pretty bland product,' whinged someone at Rolling Stain. Following his release from The Joint in 2016, Mahmood has, reportedly, found himself unemployable. And, we're supposed to, what, feel sorry for him?
'Ideally, I don't want to raise our baby in prison. Although, I do think some babies look cute in orange!' Made for Sky and starring Katherine Ryan and Romesh Ranganathan (who also co-created the comedy with Ben Green), Romantic Getaway initially threatened to suffer the fate of many recent British comedy series in that most of the best jokes appeared in the trailer. Never a good sign. And then something quite surprising happened; Romantic Getaway got funny. Yes, Keith Telly Topping was surprised too. Perhaps this blogger shouldn't have been so quick to prejudge. From The North favourite Ryan is always a delightfully amusing screen presence and, if you can keep Ranganathan away from formats that do him no favours, retired ex-footballers and Bloody Jack Bloody Whitehall, he's usually watchable when he does 'frantic and bewildered'. Allison and Deacon are a couple who are desperate for a baby, but they have run out of money to complete more IVF treatment. They discover their wealthy boss (From The North favourite Johnny Vegas) is illegally skimming funds from the company, so they decide he can afford it if they 'borrow' fifty grand from his account. When Deacon accidentally adds an extra nought to the transfer and steals half-a-million notes, the pair kick-off a downward spiral into the criminal underworld of suburban Britain. 'Once it gets the scene-setting out of the way and establishes that they are sort-of-good people doing a bad thing for the right reasons, it starts to find its feet. As the tension rises, so too does the daftness. It is best when it is silliest and Vegas, Ranganathan and Ryan make a surprisingly killer trio,' said the Gruniad. 'It's all highly implausible but fast-paced fun, thanks largely to the chemistry between the mopey Ranganathan and manic Ryan,' suggested The Age. Conversely, the Evening Standard glowered disapprovingly 'despite its likeable cast and promising premise, Romantic Getaway lacks spark and finesse. Every thought process is laboriously explained, every convenient plot detail shoehorned in.' And the Daily Scum Mail reported on it just like someone pulling a face because they've smelled shit nearby. This blogger, for what it's worth, thought it was pretty good and given the very low expectations he had going in, he's taking that as a win.
'And this is where the magic happens!' A satirical documentary, written by Matt Edmonds, presented by MasterChef's Gregg Wallace and Michelle Ackerley, The Great British Miracle Meat was first broadcast in July on Channel 4. It depicted the development in food technology by which a British industry produced a large amount of genetically engineered 'human meat.' It was later revealed to be an, if you will, 'mockumentary' based on the satirical essay, A Modest Proposal, by Jonathan Swift in 1729 which urged poor Irish families to sell their children to the rich as food. The Gruniad Morning Star said it was 'one of the best hoaxes in media history' and, as the Observer's Barbara Ellen described it: 'a socio-political mockumentary, a straight-faced, grimly cannibalistic satire on the cost of living crisis.' The Conversation added: 'It succeeded in generating the heat because it tapped into the anger and passion that people feel about the current state of affairs. It was savage satire.' Of course, whenever television traditionally tries something fourth-wall breaking such as this, crass hysteria usually follows swiftly behind from the right-wing press. Take the mostly media-created 'controversy' surrounding 1992's Ghostwatch, for example. Or, questions being asked in Parliament about Brass Eye's Cake episode in 1997. That Awful Singh Woman of the Torygraph was atypical of The Knockers: 'It would have worked far better as an advert for vegetarianism. Instead it played out like a Black Mirror episode stripped of cleverness and subtlety.' And, predictably, the Daily Scum Mail completely lost its shit, managing to stretch the manufactured controversy out across several days by scouring social media for wholly-contrived 'outrage' (and, inevitably, finding some). Neil Armstrong on BBC Culture also noted that a couple of gobshite members of Parliament 'condemned it and some who watched insisted that, even as satire, it had been - forgive the pun - in poor taste.' The Evening Standard was also critical: 'Just as I was about to ring family living up North [as Wallace's team would like to taste people from the region] and tell them to lock all doors or shoot Wallace on sight (to be honest, some are already prepared for the latter) the "mockumentary" lost its satirical power.' Perhaps, this latter point exposed the main issue some viewers had with the programme - bombastic political dogma aside. That nice Mister Baldy Gregg Wallace off MasterChef, he'd never lie to us, surely? Presumably, said by people who didn't see him claiming to toast bread with a heated fish-slice on Would I Lie To You? If nothing else, the programme was proof of an age-old TV truism; that if you try to show some people a point without hitting them, hard, on the head with a blunt object, chances are they'll miss it. As the Independent said, this was a 'sledgehammer satire for a nation on its knees.' Maybe that's exactly what Britain in 2023 needs - again, whether it wants, or even deserves, it or not.
'Cary Grant is a character. I have to be very careful about how he is perceived.' The life of Hollywood legend Cary Grant was depicted in ITV's four-part biopic, by award-winning screenwriter Jeff Pope and starring From The North favourite Hello To Jason Isaacs in the title role. Who was, of course, superb in it - but then, you'd expect nothing less from Hello To Jason. Kara Tointon, Harriet Walter, Jason Watkins, Calam Lynch and Laura Aikman also featured. Pope's scripts revealed how deceit, cruelty and one, overpowering, lie shaped young Archie Leech's life. At fourteen he auditioned for the music hall act, the Bob Pender Troupe - a band of acrobats, clowns and comedians - after seeing them perform at the Bristol Hippodrome. Lean and athletic, he learned the art of stilt-walking and, when the troupe went on tour to the US, teenage Archie was intoxicated by this land of opportunity. Believing he was unwanted by his family, he decided to stay in America to try to make his fortune in showbusiness. A chance meeting with the comedian George Burns helped him take a first step on the acting ladder and a contract with a movie studio who, of course, felt he needed to change his name. The drama intercut with scenes from 1961, Grant at the height of his fame having just made North By Northwest (Ian McNeice is terrific as a bullish Alfred Hitchcock) and living in Benedict Canyon, breaking box office records, but desperately unhappy in his private life. With two failed marriages behind him, he began to woo the actress Dyan Cannon. Thirty-three years his junior, Dyan, didn't initially fall for his charms because she didn't feel they could ever be a match. Dashingly handsome, suave and sophisticated, Cary continued to pursue her, with introductions to his famous friends, until they eventually wed in Las Vegas in 1965. And then, it all went, horribly, wrong. 'The script ... aims to reflect contemporary concerns about any imbalances between age and power in showbiz relationships,' wrote the Gruniad's Mark Lawson. The Times, the Gruniad and the Standard were among many reviewers who praised Hello To Jason's performance. Made in co-operation with Cannon and Grant's daughter, Jennifer, who were executive producers, the series arrived on ITVX on 23 November.
'If you want to be a Lord, you've got to dance like a Lord!' Set in the 1980s, Football Factory director Nick Love's eight-part thriller focused on the Lord family. They are a decade past their criminal heydays, but that doesn't mean they do not feel nostalgic for it. Gene (Jack Rowen), the youngest, feels overlooked and neglected by his family who fail to recognise his intelligence and killer instincts. After narrowly surviving a gangland battle, Gene and his fiancée, Cindy (Tahirah Sharif) flee to the Costa del Sol, to evade arrest and find themselves embroiled in the local underworld, desperately trying to avoid trouble. Things heat up even further when the rest of the Lords join them in Spain and try to reclaim their halcyon days as criminal top dogs. With good performances from Jason Flemyng, Martha Plimpton and Dougray Scott, the series premiered on Sky Max in March although, seemingly, the ratings did not meet expectations and it was cancelled the following month in what Deadline described as a 'surprise move.' Certainly, the series was never in danger of reinventing the wheel, relying on tropes that Sky had previously essayed in 2009's The Take and, more recently, Gangs Of London, something the Gruniad, for one, picked up on (and, frankly, sneered at). 'Is it Peaky Blinders but fifty years on with cockney accents? Is it Gangs Of London but fifty years ago with sunshine? Is it McMafia but worth watching? The answer is yes. Sky's new drama series A Town Called Malice is, fairly unabashedly, a little bit of every crime family thriller of the past few years, this time set - completely unabashedly - in the 1980s. I mean, goodness, is it the 80s? The show and each of the eight episodes is named after an 80s pop hit ... and almost every scene is accompanied by one of the era's other big chart tunes.' The Independent suggested: 'It is admirably unrestrained in a genre where restraint has been all the rage. It's just a shame, then, that its vivacious styling couldn't be matched by a smarter script.' 'It's Bonnie & Clyde in Fila knitwear soundtracked by Now That's What I Call Music. But not necessarily in a good way,' scoffed the Torygraph. 'Malice might be a little too flippant for some crime drama fans, but it offers fast-paced, albeit violent, fun. Particularly for those of a certain vintage,' argued the Stuff website concluding that the series was a 'lurid, flavourful, somewhat fruity eighties crime-thriller cocktail.' The latter being a pretty accurate summation and, frankly, not a bad thing at all.
'This vast inequality has been growing for ten years; the rich getting richer, running away from the rest leaving them with crumbs.' In April 2021, twelve of the biggest football clubs in Europe (six of them - Arsenal, Chelsea, Liverpool, Manchester City, Manchester United and Tottenham Hotspur - from England) got their odious greed right on and announced that they were, if you will, taking their ball and going off to play with it on their own. Not satisfied with having forced through 'Financial Fair Play', the worst-named conceit in sporting history which had, effectively, erected a big wall around themselves and placed a sign saying 'This Is Our Club, You Can't Come In' to everyone else who kicks a ball around for fun and profit, now they were doing a Bender from Futurama. Creating their own theme-park. With blackjack and hookers. That was when the shit really did hit the fans. The ineptitude of the conspiracy between the twelve was matched, only, by the sheer banal rationale for them doing so ('more money for us'). It was like the NWA in Hot Fuzz without the jokes. Satisfyingly, the proposed 'European Super League' imploded within days as one after another of the majority of the clubs involved found themselves not only castigated by the media, politicians, broadcasters and football supporters in general but, more importantly, their own customers. You know, those annoying 'little people' who actually go to games, buy the club's grossly-overpriced merchandise and take out satellite TV subscriptions and, in doing so, pay the - obscenely-inflated - wages of the players. (Real Madrid and Barçelona, alarmingly, are still fighting their case through various courts to this day.) Connor Schell and Jeff Zimbalist's four-part Apple TV documentary exposed the full, staggering hubris and folly behind the enterprise. 'The War For Football does a good job of making graspable sense out of a labyrinthine tale and one in which not every narrator is reliable,' claimed the Wall Street Journal. 'While it does serve as a primer in parts for American audiences less familiar with European football, this docuseries is a comprehensive examination of the tradition-breaking announcement,' added The Age. 'Informative, dramatic and tense,' suggested the Common Sense Media website, whilst the series 'details big egos and an even bigger sordid cash grab,' said the Cult Of Mac. In fact, since their crass attempt to be the girls with the most cake, two of those involved - Chelsea and Manchester United - have endured an often miserable time on and off the field whilst both Liverpool and Spurs also had poor seasons last year by their own high standards, though they're doing better of late. And Chelsea and Manchester City, it would seem, both have a bit of explaining to do with regard to at least some of their financial dealings. Meanwhile, Aston Villa and this blogger's beloved (and now, thankfully sold) Newcastle United have emerged as genuine rivals for a place at The Big Boys Table. As the legendary German coach Sepp Herberger once noted, there is only a single universal constant in football - that 'the ball is round.'
'If anyone comes after us, we will exhaust our arsenal until the threat is neutralised.' If you tweak modern-day capitalism a mere notch or two, you get a deadpan socio-political satire like Succession (see above). However, if you keep turning that dial till it squeals for mercy, a gloriously extravagant kind of urban horror ensues. Congratulations, therefore, to Netflix's master of the macabre Mike Flanagan for spotting the potential for Grand Guignol in fusing Edgar Allan Poe's Gothic macabre with a Succession-esque story of the cursed, Richard Sackler-like billionaire (Bruce Greenwood, being brilliantly odious). Who, in an effective framing device, relays the dark fates of his offspring to a lawyer (Carl Lumbly) that has been fighting to bring the Usher empire down. Loosely based on various works by Poe, the series adapts otherwise-unrelated stories and characters into a single, non-linear, narrative covering the years between 1953 and 2023. It recounts both the rise to power of Roderick Usher, powerful CEO of a corrupt pharmaceutical company, his sister Madeline and the events leading to the deaths of all six of Roderick's children. Played, variously, by Kate Whiddington, Lulu Wilson, From The North favourite Mary McDonnell and Willa Fitzgerald, Madeline is the family's resident genius and the true power behind the throne. Flanagan's partner, Kate Siegel, was also great as Camille L'Espanaye, one of Roderick's doomed illegitimate children and Annabeth Gish turned up as Eliza, Roderick and Madeline's religious zealot of a mother. After a great start, the series teetered on the verge of going completely over-the-top via a hysterically deranged adaptation of The Masque Of The Red Death. But then, it recovered in the middle episodes before ending, inevitably, upon a midnight, dreary, with The Raven. The series had a long - and, at times troubled - route to screen with original lead Frank Langella replaced due to alleged misconduct on-set. IndieWire suggested 'as the absurdly wealthy destroy our only planet, our innocent pleasures and our very lives, even a blunt, overextended allegory can deliver visceral satisfactions. Arguing billionaires should not exist has rarely felt so Biblical.' The San Francisco Chronicle added: 'The tonal difference between the books and the series? The makers of The Fall Of The House Of Usher are having way more fun.' Another 'masterful' series from Flanagan, claimed Collider Video. 'An expertly-crafted combination of Poe-penned stories brought to screen via a slew of deliciously diabolical performances.' Poe's narratives and Gothic conventions 'provide the skeleton of the show, but Flanagan also pulls out the urgent themes of those works: conscience and the unconscious, greed and paranoia, sex and death,' noted The Financial Times. From The North favourite Mark Kermode described it as 'flawed but ambitious' and 'enjoyable' whilst comparing it to Tales Of The Unexpected. Like Flanagan's previous Midnight Mass (included in 2021's From The North 'Best Of' list) this was a treat for genre fans. Sometimes operatic, sometimes locating moments of genuine pathos amid the bloodshed, it was nicely played by a great ensemble that even threw in Mark Hamill as the family's sinister fixer. Depressingly, it is probably the closest that we will get to witnessing the people behind America's current OxyContin epidemic get their comeuppance - but it will have to do for the time being. The series was viewed six million times during its debut week, making it the most-watched English-language fiction programme on Netflix that week and third most-watched overall after the French-language series Lupin and the hagiography Beckham.
'Your arrival is a fresh start, a chance to lay some ghosts to rest.' 'Everything you could possibly want from a pre-Halloween frightfest,' according to the Gruniad Morning Star, The Burning Girls, released in October, was a six-part thriller based on the novel by CJ Tudor, adapted by Hans Rosenfeldt and Camilla Ahlgren. Developed by Buccaneer Media for Paramount+, it starred From The North favourite Samantha Morton and Ruby Stokes as a Reverend and her daughter who arrive in the village of Chapel Croft looking for a new start following a sudden loss. However, the sleepy village has, of course, dark secrets. You saw that coming, yes? Also featuring the likes of Rupert Graves, Jane Lapotaire and David Dawson, the series' got a positive review from The Times: 'It's a lot and the outcome is a bit more pulpy than you might have expected for a Samantha Morton drama. Still, we're in the Halloween silly season and The Burning Girls is no less addictive for all that.' A strange and often disturbing psychological chiller with shades of the kind of folk horror that The Wicker Man epitomises - something the Torygraph's review highlighted: 'It's The Vicar Of Dibley meets The Wicker Man (in Sussex)' - The Burning Girls appealed to this blogger's love of big drama in small situations. 'A fantastic adaption of a great novel, one that has been crying out for from a genre often neglected by television and film alike,' according to Liverpool Sound & Vision. '[It] offers an eerie folk horror vibe that will get viewers well and truly in the mood for spooky season,' added the Mirra whilst the Future Of The Force website called it 'quite simply superb.' As with all the other fifty two entries on From The North's 2023 'Best Of' list, dear blog reader, Keith Telly Topping thought it was great.
Also Mentioned In Dispatches:
Match Of The Day, Christmas Carole, The Traitors, Predators, Spector, Hancock: Very Nearly An Armful, Vera, The Light In The Hall, Consent, Doom Patrol, The MI5 Spy & The IRA: Operation Chiffon, Ghislaine Maxwell: Partner In Crime, Funny Woman, India: The Modi Question, Wor Geet Canny Robson Green's Weekend Escapes, Jason & Clara: In Memory Of Maude, The Witch Hunts: Lucy Worsley Investigates, A Year On Planet Earth, Ten Pound Poms, We Are Newcastle United, Unforgotten, We Need to Talk About Cosby, Phoenix Rise, Consent, The Power, Six-Four, The Hunt For Raoul Moat, There She Goes, Blackadder: The Lost Pilot, Rain Dogs, The Chemistry Of Death, Colin From Accounts, Steeltown Murders, Guilt, The Lost Flowers Of Alice Hart, Spy In The Ocean, Daisy Jones & The Six, Star Trek: Picard, U-Boat Wargamers, Would I Lie To You?, Only Murders In The Building, The Good Mothers, World On Fire, Tom Jones, Count Abdulla, Wild Isles, What We Do In The Shadows, Am I Being Unreasonable?, Union With David Olusoga, Changing Ends, Minx, Better, Red Rose, Then You Run, MH370: The Plane That Disappeared, Everywhere Else Burns, Who Is Erin Carter?, Maryland, The Lovers, Coleen Rooney: The Real Wagatha Story, Dreaming Whilst Black, The Witcher, Once Upon A Time In Northern Ireland, Black Mirror, Becoming Elizabeth, The Inheritance, The Killing Kind, The Following Events Are Based On A Pack Of Lies, Bodies, Partygate, Three Little Birds, Boiling Point, The Gathering, Scary Tales From New York, Only Connect, Planet Earth III, Unbelievable, When Blondie Came To Britain, Shetland, One Night, The Daleks In Colour.
From The North's TV Advert Of The Year -
Rustlers Burgers Little Red Riding Hood Commercial.
13. You Won't Believe This
Cancelled after a mere but one series, You Wont Believe This - broadcast in December 2022 - was yet another line on the CV-of-shit for host That Awful Crude, Smug Ellie Taylor Woman, who also had Let's Make A Love Scene axed by Channel 4 around the same time (see above). To lose one of your two revolting TV formats, Ms Taylor, could be regarded as misfortune. To lose both looks like you or someone advising you made a couple of effing dreadful choices. Which is, frankly, far funnier than anything you've ever included in your crude, unfunny stand-up routines. You Won't Believe This was based on a group of amateur sleuths listening to 'shocking' - and 'stunning' - stories from a series of suspicious characters. Only one member of the group was telling the truth, so the detectives were tasked with singling out fact from fiction. The contestants dig into the suspects' stories, before being able to question them in an interrogation cell. If they were able to identify the correct person they won a cash prize of five big ones. If they fail to identify the correct bad'un, however, the suspect took home the lolly instead in a case of crime does pay. A marvellously socially-aware message for Channel 4 to be sending out at a time when it was trying to justify its existence to a hostile (and, amusingly, soon-to-be-former) Lack Of Culture secretary. Sometimes, Channel 4, when you're in a hole it's a good idea to stop digging. The Scum Mail On Sunday revealed that staff at the channel were calling it 'a bloodbath' as programmes as diverse as Naked Attraction (see above), 'big-money celebrity flop' Scared Of The Dark (see above) and the medical documentary Rescue: Extreme Medics, were all 'canned' in the same merciless Doctor Beeching-style cull. The much-publicised return of the reality series Four Weddings was also scrapped, even though a team from an independent production company had been commissioned to make it. Staff on fixed contracts to work on the programme were immediately laid off, with some telling the - wholly unsympathetic - newspaper that they were worried about how they would pay their rent. Sign on the dole, just like normal people who lose their jobs, perhaps? Either that or ask That Awful Crude, Smug Ellie Taylor Woman for a loan since she seems to be seldom out of paid employment despite possessing little in the way of talent? It's a tough world, people. You Won't Believe This was 'like Would I Lie to You? ... but tedious' according to the Gruniad Morning Star. Viewers 'slammed' Channel 4 'for ripping off rival game show' claimed the Sun using about five posts on social media as their focus group. In which case it's probably worth, at this juncture, paraphrasing a very famous piece of dialogue from Yes, Prime Minister, to wit: The Daily Mirra is read by people who think they run the country; the Gruniad is read by people who think they ought to run the country; The Times is read by the people who actually do run the country; the Daily Scum Mail is read by the wives of the people who run the country; the Financial Times is read by people who own the country; the Morning Star is read by people who think the country ought to be run by another country; the Daily Torygraph is read by people who think it is. Readers of the Sun don't care who runs the country, as long as she's got big tits.
14. Z-List Celebrity Catchphrase
Michael Grade's infamous statement about the value of content when he was ITV executive chairman had then and still now has much merit to it. Grade suggested that the broadcaster needed to get out of the habit of making copycat programmes which failed to innovate. 'We have been very quick to copy other people's formats,' Grade told the Gruniad in 2007. 'We've stuck the word "celebrity" on the front of a copied format and pretended that's good enough. It's creatively bankrupt to be honest.' What went for ITV more than a decade ago, it would seem, goes doubly for ITV2 in 2023. 'But, it appeals to a young demographic,' those within the TV industry will no doubt argue. Yeah well, so did The Hitler Youth. Described by ITV themselves as 'iconic', Z-List Celebrity Catchphrase is now ten years old and still about as welcome as a pork pie at a Jewish wedding. Among the worthless z-listers rocking up the latest series to stand next to Stephen Mulhern and look stupid were (and the list is be no means all-encompassing): Kadeena Cox, That Awful Crude, Smug Ellie Taylor Woman, Aston Merrygold, Liza Tarbuck, Siobhan McSweeney, Jay Blades, Zoe Williams, Danny Miller, Vernon Kay and Lady Leshurr. That's as desperate a line-up of has-beens and never-weres as you'll ever see, dear blog reader. Exported, recently, to New Zealand, needless to say the natives were not happy: 'Hellish British game show set to debut on Eden,' agonised the Stuff website. Z-List Celebrity Catchphrase 'might offer better banter than the classic show and provide an opportunity for those participating to surprise audiences, or allow them to indulge in a bit of schadenfreude, but it doesn't really lift what is a fairly depressingly one-note format.' Calling Mister Grade - it looks like they didn't take any notice of you.
15. Z-List Celebrity Help! My House Is Haunted
In which you, too, dear blog readers, can discover what sort of ghost with terrifyingly low self-esteem and appalling taste would volunteer to haunt the likes of Louie Spence, Laurence Llewelyn-Bowen, Marnie Simpson (no, me neither) and Simon Gregson. The second series of this dreadful appendage of alleged psychic 'investigations' was certainly a big comedown on the first in terms of the level of 'celebrity' involved; at least during the last series we got to have a look around Toyah Wilcox and Robert Fripp's palatial country gaff. Albeit, it also featured some The Only Way Is Essex-type individual, so we shouldn't laud it too highly. Nevertheless, anyone without a desperate need to get themselves on Discovery+ (and, be watched by an audience of, what, about eight people?) would, surely, think twice before letting Barri Ghai, Jayne Harris and Ian Lawman into their drum for a bit of the old 'is there anybody there?' nonsense. At least when Derek Acorah did his ludicrous malarkey, claiming to get in touch with Michael Jackson in the afterlife fourteen years ago, it was quite funny even if it wasn't supposed to be. That said, watching Louie Spence appearing shocked and stunned when told he had an, allegedly, murdered chap, allegedly wandering the halls of Stately Spence Manor and saying 'I'm not happy with that. I don't know if I want him to stay,' was in the same sort of ballpark in terms of its ridiculousness. Think how the ghost feels, mate, he's got to co-hab with you. Renewed for a third series (which will include a line-up that makes Louie and co look positively y-list), one can only assume that this festering puddle of stinking puss mustn't cost much to produce. Because, from extensive research, this blogger has been unable to find anyone that appears to be watching it to justify its existence. An, alleged - though, suspiciously anonymous and, therefore, almost certainly fictitious - 'insider' allegedly told the Sun (they're not alleged, they really do exist, believe it or not): 'It's going to be an amazing series with a real eclectic mix of stars showing the ghost hunters and paranormal experts around their spooky homes.' In exactly that sort of tabloidese 'real people don't talk like that' way we know and wince at.
16. Z-List Celebrity Bridge Of Lies
'Teams of celebrities take on the nail-biting quiz hosted by Ross Kemp,' said the BBC before this rubbish started. Which, in and of itself, probably put any potential viewers with an ounce of common sense off the damned thing. Ross, having clearly decided he'd had enough of trying to take on The Tablian on his own to prove how hard he is or donning his scuba gear to dive for hidden treasure, here reinvents himself as a genial quiz show host. It doesn't really work because you keep on expecting him to nut someone in the mush for looking at him 'in a funny way.' 'The celebrity team will include EastEnders' John Partridge, Coronation Street's Faye Brookes, Emmerdale's Natalie Anderson and Hollyoaks' Richard Blackwood,' added the Radio Times. So, Ross Kemp and some soap z-listers, oh this just gets better and better. A subsequent episode included former members of The Sugababes, Eternal, Steps and The Pussycat Dolls. So, Ross Kemp and some ex-pop stars, rotting in a studio (yes, dear blog reader, that was an Altered Images reference, in case you were wondering). Then there was the 'Sporting Legends' episode, featuring David Calamity James, Ugo Monye, Judy Murray ('legend'?) and Pat Nevin. Oh God, Magic Pat Nevin - someone this blogger actually used to have a modicum of respect for. What were you thinking of, Pat? Calamity, as it happens, turned out to be something of a hit with the viewers via his knowledge of cats and, ultimately, the whole fiasco was for charrr-i-deeee. So, perhaps this blogger should not be too critical. But, you know, where's the fun in that? Previously described as a 'shameless rip-off' of ITV's Tenable, the rotten format remains marginally popular with the BBC and attracted enough of an audience to get itself another series. One, genuinely, hopes that the charities which benefitted from this were happy. Cos this blogger certainly wasn't.
17. Starstruck
As welcome as a big, hairy wart on the end of ones chap, the second series of ITV's Stars In Their Eyes reboot began in February. And, most of the audience had lost interest before March arrived. Shania Twain (a replacement for Sheridan Smith, who was busy with real work) was not on the judging panel for two episodes due to her Vegas residency Let's Go! and, so, was unable to tell someone 'that don't impress me much' for the forty seventh time. Her seat was taken by Ronan Keating. 'A cut-price Stars In Their Eyes made me wish I had my fingers in my ears' said That Awful Singh Woman at the Torygraph, presumably chuckling at her own cleverness. 'Starstruck viewers "give up" on show as they brand it the "worst episode" so far' added the My London website. WalesOnline claimed that 'viewers [were] fuming' because someone they liked didn't got through to the next round. ITV Starstruck Viewers All Say The Same Thing As Shania Twain Returns To Show suggested the Daily Lies. 'It only hurts when I'm breathing'? Just a wild stab in the dark. The series was won by Abbie Edwards performing as Adele. In June, it was reported that plans for a third series had been 'put on hold' and, in September, presenter Olly Murs confirmed that the show had been axed. Though, thankfully, not with an actual axe because that would've been very messy. Let it be noted, however, Starstruck really wasn't very good but it was not in the same league of genuine horribleness as Harry Hill's dismal 2015 revival of Stars In Their Eyes. Now, that was crap.
18. Big Brother
Hang on, hasn't this vile, Victorian freakshow for the hard-of-thinking already been killed off? Twice? Are ITV2 really so desperate for viewers that they'll revive any old banal, lowest-common-denominator rubbish just to pull in a few gullible punters? Actually, don't bother answering that, dear blog reader. It was, after all, clearly a rhetorical question.
19. Queens For The Night
'ITV have reportedly axed a star-studded show due to poor ratings,' shouted the Daily Scum Mail with some obvious, agenda-soaked, delight. Queens For The Night which saw male z-list celebrities being transformed into drag queens was a one-off Saturday night format broadcast late last year, just too late to feature in From The North's 2022 awards blog. The show was hosted by Lorraine Kelly and saw the likes of Adam Woodyatt, Simon Gregson, Mister Motivator and Love Island's Chris Hughes (no, me neither) taking part. They were guided by mentors Myra Dubois and Kitty Scott-Claus. Judges Mel C, Australian drag queen Courtney Act and large-toothed alleged 'comedian' Rob Beckett completed the line-up. A, suspiciously anonymous - and, therefore, almost certainly fictitious - 'source' allegedly told the Sun in July: 'The show was always thought of as a bit of a "special" for ITV but there was the hope it might take off and become a series. That hasn't happened.' The format was compared, unfavourably, with the American series RuPaul's Secret Celebrity Drag Race. Only with about a tenth of the personality and charm of the US show. 'If there is a stranger segment of television this year than Ian Beale in drag, impersonating Gemma Collins, Boris Johnson and Miss Piggy while singing 'Total Eclipse Of The Heart', I will be shocked,' wrote the i's reviewer. At least the cancellation of Queens For The Night kept Rob Beckett from being on our TV screens more than he is already. For that, if nothing else, this blogger applauds the decision.
20. Katie Price's Mucky Mansion
Here's a fun game for all the family, dear blog reader - describe a random TV format that includes Katie Price in but two words. If you said 'morally bankrupt', welcome to the club. Another twenty four carat gem from Channel 4, this format saw Price attempting to transform her nineteen-room 'vandalised and uninhabitable' mansion into a 'forever home' for her family. In August, Price confirmed to the Daily Scum Mail that the format had been 'axed' as she attempted to rent out the - expensively renovated - West Sussex mucky mansion for six grand a week. Which, if a piece in the Brighton Argus is anything to go by, is proving more difficult than she'd perhaps imagined. Because it is, allegedly, haunted obviously and not due to the lack of too many people stupid enough to cough up that much on a bling-palace. A report earlier in the year had suggested producers 'weren't keen' on renewing the programme after viewing figures declined by three hundred thousand between the first series and the second. It was also revealed that Price was to face questions in court over her three million knicker debts after she declared (actual) bankruptcy in 2019. The reality-TV regular, who was once estimated to be worth over forty million smackers, previously agreed to pay twelve grand a month to creditors but has, the Scum Mail claimed, 'not been sticking to the deal, according to those owed the money.' The programme itself, according to the Yorkshire Live website, '[left] viewers "disgusted" as eyewatering cost raises questions ... It's not just the mess that is turning viewers off but the bizarre plan to fix it and the decision to [broadcast] it in the first place.' The Irish Times described the programme as 'Celebrity Big Brother meets amateur Dermot Bannon.' The Birmingham Mail suggested that 'fans savaged Katie, a mum-of-five, over the volume of her speech. Fans criticised her, calling her a "foghorn" and saying there's "no need" for her volume.' In September, the Mirra claimed that the titular Mucky Mansion itself 'has fallen into disrepair with rubbish strewn in the garden despite the property's glossy TV makeover.' Thus rendering the whole rationale for the show's existence in the first place somewhat moribund. Much like Katie Price's entire career, in fact.
21. Breeders
Because it remains, several months after its first appearance, very very funny. And, because it uses Michelle Thomas's 'Till I Met You' as its soundtrack. The burgers themselves are actually quite edible too, so that's a bonus!
Followed by Thirty Five Programmes, All Of Which Were Neither Use Nor Bloody Ornament -
1. The Idol
'You're the American dream, rags-to-riches.' The worst TV show of 2023, by miles, was HBO's The Idol, widely deemed to be shockingly awful and inept before it was even broadcast. But, one which proved by almost every metric imaginable to be a hundred times more of a disaster than anyone was expecting. Created by Euphoria's Sam Levinson and Abel Tesfaye of The Weeknd [sic], The Idol followed Lily Rose-Depp's pop-star, Jocelyn, as she tries to make it big alongside her cult-leader mentor. Visually uninteresting and populated by some of the worst, most fake-sounding dialogue you will ever hear on television, The Idol wanted to be a big-budget whip-smart satire of Hollywood and celebrity manipulation. Instead, it crashed and burned under its shock-and-awe visuals, truly grotesque scenes featuring The Sex, blatant and crass sexism (claiming to be exposing the exploitation of the industry by being exploitative yourself wasn't, perhaps, the cleverest of moves) and melodramatic performances. It may have been released to a media firestorm over its controversial subject-matter but, rest assured, it was far worse than you're probably imagining. There was confusion over what exactly The Idol was supposed to be, it seemed to be several different shows masquerading as one. Was it an erotic drama exploring the power dynamic in an S&M relationship (full of rather tasteless hurt/comfort sequences)? Was it a broad satire on the absurd nature of the music industry? Neither, really, it was just rubbish. Moist rubbish at that. It was also subject to some of the worst reviews for any show in living memory. This blogger, for what it's worth, hasn't been quite so impotently angry and disappointed by a TV show since the final episode of The X-Files. If you missed The Idol, dear blog reader, consider yourself to have had one Hell of lucky escape. If you want to seek it out to see if it was as bad as this blogger is claiming, don't. Just don't. Trust Keith Telly Topping on that score.
2. This Morning
The TV programme that accounted for the most media coverage afforded to any show in Britain in 2023 wasn't a classy costume drama, a soap opera, a popular, long-running family SF drama, the broadcast of a major sporting or political event or even, for once, something featuring Jeremy Clarkson. Instead, it was a harrowingly mundane, ITV daytime magazine show which features a strange variety of news, showbusiness gossip, lifestyle, fashion and beauty, live phone-ins and cash competitions. And, which has been running since 1988 with a variety of presenters. There were points during the year where, quite literally, it was impossible to pick up a newspaper - tabloid, broadsheet or, in the case of the Metro, not a real newspaper - and not find at least a page or two devoted to This Morning. Over the years, it has had a few controversies, admittedly. Like the time in 2012 when co-presenter Phillip Schofield decided to become The Paedophile-Smeller Pursuivant during a live interview with the then Prime Minister David Cameron and brandished a list of alleged child abusers which he had 'found on the Internet.' All whilst his co-host, Holly Willoughby, sat mutely beside him and fiddled with her hair. Schofield was widely castigated for his actions, Jonathan Dimbleby describing his behaviour as 'cretinous.' In December 2019, during that year's general erection, Schofield and Willoughby were criticised for a 'giggly' interview with another then Prime Minister, Bashing Boris. The co-hosts' decision to take a selfie with Johnson was also criticised with viewers suggesting a 'lack of professionalism' and 'clear political bias.' In 2022, there was the decision to include a prize of 'energy bills' in the programme's regular 'spin to win' game, a piece of insensitivity at a time when many people in the UK couldn't afford to heat their homes which was compared to the kind of thing one would see in dark satires like Black Mirror or The Hunger Games in terms of sheer crassness. And then, of course, there was that same year's Queengate controversy. Through all of this Schofield (a former BBC children's presenter who was, at least, reasonably personable) and Willoughby (another former BBC children's presenter with no discernible talent whatsoever for pretty much anything other than reading an autocue) remained bafflingly popular, regularly winning categories at the National Television Awards and the TV Choice Awards. Then, suddenly, this year it all kicked-off big-style. Following months of speculation (in the tabloids if not anywhere that actually matters) about his private life and rumours of an increasingly strained relationship with Willoughby, Schofield presented This Morning for the last time on 18 May. Two days later, he announced his departure with immediate effect, saying ITV had decided that 'the current situation [could] not go on.' Schofield issued a statement to the Daily Scum Mail on 26 May, in which he admitted having had a relationship with a young male ITV employee before he came out as gay and separated from his wife in 2020. Schofield had first met the employee while giving a talk at the drama school at which the latter was then a fifteen-year-old student. ITV said it had investigated rumours of a relationship between Schofield and the employee in 2020, but that they had both repeatedly denied the affair. Stating that it was 'deeply disappointed' by Schofield's 'admissions of deceit', ITV severed all ties with him. Since the departure of Schofield, several people involved in the show over the years have alleged that a 'toxic culture' operated at This Morning. Ruth Langsford made a complaint to ITV when she worked there whilst her husband, stated that Schofield was 'a narcissist and a bully at the centre of the toxicity.' Which, coming from Big Eamonn, really was saying something. The papers couldn't believe their luck as almost every day brought some new 'revelation' from people as diverse as Kerry Katona, Kim Woodburn, Doctor Ranji Singh and Carole McGiffin who lined-up to have their five minutes in the spotlight. As, of course, did That Awful Dorries Woman. Although, by that time, she was no longer the Lack Of Culture secretary and was in the process of not getting into the House Of Lords and being jolly upset about it. Alison Hammond (former Big Brother-type person) and Dermot O'Dreary temporarily took over on the sofas and decided to immediately take one for the team, claiming there was none of that-there toxic culture round here, guv. No siree, Bob. Then, just as things were starting to settle down and the odd day would go by with no This Morning stories pushing wholly unimportant news - like the war in Ukraine or criminal charges against now extremely former President Rump - onto page seven, on 5 October, Willoughby withdrew from the programme when an alleged murder plot against her became public. A few days later, she announced that she, too, had quit. Which became a 'newsflash' moment for at least one rolling-news channel (see below). This, obviously, then produced a whole avalanche of speculation as to whom would be replacing her (and Schofield). The kind of banal, ill-informed guessing games you normally see in the tabloids when the actor currently playing The Doctor announces they're leaving the TARDIS. And then, the Grand Old Duchess of York (she had ten thousand quid) turned up on the sofa, swanning around like she owned the place. All of this, dear blog reader, for a programme with an average daily audience of approximately eight hundred thousand punters. Do the words 'out of all proportion' seem appropriate at this point? Which probably also applies to this blogger who has just written more about This Morning than he has about the top four or five shows in From The North's 'Best Of' list. No one is innocent, dear blog reader. But, some of us are more guilty than others. Here endeth today's lesson.
3. Scared Of The Dark
A Channel 4 reality show presented by Danny Dyer. Do you really need this blogger to go any further? Described as 'a world first', eight z-list celebrity contestants spent eight days living, completing tasks, eating and sleeping in complete darkness in a specially built set. You know, for a laugh. With elements ripped (not even slightly shamefacedly) from I'm A Z-List Former Celebrity Desperate To Get My Boat-Race Back On TV ... Please Vote For Me To Stay Here As Long As Possible (I'll Even Eat Worms If You Want) and Big Brother, but with the audience of neither, this ... thing featured the likes of former Love Island contestant Chloe Burrows, Gogglebox's Scarlett Moffatt and Chris Eubank. Plus, just to emphasise the inherent abhorrent sadness of the entire production, Gazza. The Gruniad reviewer (That Awful Mangan Woman, inevitably) described it as 'Boring, derivative and occasionally downright horrible ... filled largely with stupid, boring challenges; contemptuous and derivative in the extreme.' It was, she stated, 'the stupidest reality show of all time.' And, that was one of the more positive reviews. The Daily Scum Express suggested that viewers had switched off Scared Of The Dark and branded the show 'Big Brother with [the] lights off.' The Independent bemoaned that the tasks distracted from the interpersonal dynamics and the 'psychological torture of being locked in a room with Chris Eubank.' The reviewer suggested that 'Channel 4 may just have stumbled on a winning formula.' It seems he may be correct as, according to the Daily Scum Mail in May, Scared Of The Dark had been 'renewed for second series' after being a 'huge ratings hit.' That was followed, exactly four weeks later, by the Sun claiming exactly the opposite. So, it would seem that every cloud does, indeed, have a silver lining.
4. In With A Shout
Hosted by alleged (but, not even remotely funny) 'comedian' Joel Dommett, this atrocious series comprised a seven-episode run including a one-off z-list Celebrity 'special' for Soccer Aid. In With A Shout saw two families battle against each other to win a prize of twenty thousand smackers, answering questions hidden in moving pictures and shouting their guesses at TV screens. So, Family Fortunes for loudmouths, in other words. ITV viewers 'were left switching off the quiz after pointing out an "annoying" feature,' claimed the Daily Mirra. Whether said annoying feature was the host's lack of charisma, the format's lack of originality, or the contestant's lack of two brains cells to rub together is a question, perhaps, best left for another day. The broadcaster, seemingly, wasn't overly bothered by the 'annoyingness' that Mirra readers highlighted, renewing this crass puddle of noxious seepage for a second series. The recommission was greeted by Ben Wicks, creative director if producers Expectation (so, if you're wondering, this is his fault), thus: 'News of its return is superb - not least because we'll get another bumper crop of hilarious answers, like when a clip of a kazoo was identified as a "submarine", a warthog as "Hogwarts" and Daniel Craig as "Craig David."' And that, dear blog reader, tells you everything you need to know about this particular horrorshow and drag. Dommett ended the year fronting another of this blogger's least favourite shows of 2023 (see below), proving that some people in the TV industry appear to be a magnet for utter garbage.
5. Naked Attraction
The late film critic Roger Ebert once reviewed the movie The Brown Bunny (2003) observing that he had once endured a colonoscopy. 'They let me watch it on a television screen and it was better than The Brown Bunny!' Over the years this blogger has had two colonoscopies and an endoscopy all of which he was obliged to watch, possibly the three least pleasurable experiences of this blogger's life. Apart from watching Naked Attraction, that is. 'The dating show that likes to let it all hang out,' this bucket of diarrhoea has, of course, previously featured in From The North's annual 'Worst Of' lists. In 2016. And 2017. And 2018. So, at the risk of repeating ourselves (something which happens when something has not digested properly) this is a - dire - dating game show, presented by Anna Richardson. 'Is a nude dating show a public service?' wondered the Gruniad at a time when Channel 4 was desperately trying to argue its public service broadcasting credentials in the wake of a threatened government sell-off. 'Viewers outraged over full-frontal nudity in a racy new Channel 4 dating show' screamed the Daily Scum Mail, for whom the words 'naked' and 'Channel 4' must seem like manna from Heaven. 'How low can this channel go?' asked the Torygraph. 'Ofcom won't investigate Naked Attraction despite two hundred and fifty complaints' whinged the Daily Scum Express. Ofcom, reportedly, declined to perform an investigation due to the lack of sexual activity and the series' post-watershed timeslot. 'The most utterly stupid dating show on TV,' opined Buzzfeed (which, when you consider it had Take Me Out as competition really was saying something). 'Welcome to post-Brexit Britain,' the website's appalled critic added. 'Why does the show exist? Well, according to [producers], "modern dating has become a complicated business."' So, the obvious way around this is to flash your naughty bits to the nation (or, to that portion of the nation watching Channel 4 post-watershed, anyway). Put simply, you would have to be a brain-damaged moron or the victim of a cruel medical experiment and, in either case, someone without any dignity or self-respect, to appear on - or, indeed, watch - this wretched mess. And, if you're one of the people who dreamed Naked Attraction up in the first place, then you should probably be horsewhipped - naked - through the streets until you promise never to do anything so demeaning and offensive again. Yes, you found plenty of attention-seeking fodder happy to get their kit off on national telly for your cruel and shameful freak-show and even found a few hundred thousand gormless planks to watch them doing so. One trusts your parents are all very proud of you. The format, incidentally, has now been exported to Germany, Denmark, Italy, Finland, Norway, Poland, Russia and Sweden which have all made their own versions of the show. So, one supposes, we should stand up and salute that get-up-and-go enterprise which sees Britain exporting all of its utter crap to Johnny Foreigner. Is it any wonder the rest of the world hates us and laughs when our sporting teams do badly in major competitions?
6. Loaded In Paradise
An 'action packed' - it says here - 'adrenalised' (which this blogger is unsure if that's actually a word) reality game show where 'party-loving pairs' island-hop Greece's Aegean Islands in a race to take control of - and spend - fifty thousand Euros. The series starts with five pairs and a gold card loaded with mucho filthy wonga, to blow on the wildest trip of their lives. However, only one lucky pair can be in control at any time. For this pair it's simple, live their best life on the run but don't get caught. Meanwhile, everyone else will be trying to hunt them down and take the card from them. By force, if necessary. Yes, dear blog reader, Loaded In Paradise was every single bit as frightful as it sounds. The show where 'if you get the cash, it's time to dash' was a celebration of greed and selfism from those hateful sods at ITV2. ITV said, when recommissioning the show, that it had 'achieved a healthy share of young viewers - more than one-third were aged between sixteen and thirty four.' Because, presumably, no actual adult would be caught dead watching this tripe. 'In the overnight ratings, it performed in line with fellow ITV2 formats such as Ready To Mingle, but is a far cry from matching the channel's best performer, Love Island.' This was 'hate-watching distilled down to its purest essence. Unfortunately, there's also nothing enjoyable about it,' wrote an anguished Vicky Jessop at the Standard. 'Pointless and tasteless, watching people think of stupid ways to spend money in a cost-of-living crisis is not fun.' The Torygraph suggested it was 'like being stuck on a package holiday with your worst neighbours.' The chief executive of production company TwoFour, Tim Carter (thus, it's his fault) said 'We wanted something that had all the sunshine and aspiration of a great dating show, but wasn’t about dating,' adding that Loaded In Paradise 'aims to harness Millennial and Gen Z fixation with social media and sharing images of themselves living their best life.' So hateful, offensive, avaricious, greedy and designed for show-offs on Twitter to flaunt themselves and their new-found affluence to The Ordinary People. The Twenty First Century in microcosm.
7. Let's Make A Love Scene
First shown in 2022 and, for some unfathomable reason, repeated on E4 early this year (hence its inclusion here), the concept behind this ghastly Channel 4 dating show Let's Make A Love Scene sounded woeful, though it eventually revealed itself to be a lot of faff around one simple question: out of three options, who does one person fancy the mostest, baby? The host, That Awful, Crude, Smug Ellie Taylor Woman (a previous regular in From The North's 'Worst Of' lists via Late Night Mash) claimed that this was a dating show that 'does it like the movies.' And, she didn't mean Citizen Kane or A Matter Of Life & Death, dear blog reader. 'The problem is that once you get past the gimmick, this is just the familiar format of three dates followed by a winner and I don't think I've seen a single dating show like it where it hasn't been obvious who will be chosen from the second they meet,' suggested the Gruniad Morning Star. Of the two episodes commissioned, only one made it to our screens. The second episode was pulled from schedules days before broadcast without explanation and was not uploaded to All4. The natural assumption being that C4 saw the ratings for the first and panicked with a repeat of Eight Out Of Ten Cats Does Countdown parachuted into the vacant slot. Possibly to show Taylor what real comedians look like. 'Channel 4's smut obsession reaches a new low with the bizarre Let's Make A Love Scene,' snarled the Torygraph, with wax exploding in its collective ears but not entirely without justification. 'Let's Make A Love Scene was a unique take on the dating show format and saw singletons recreate sex scenes from iconic movies in a bid to see if love will blossom for real,' claimed the Sun when announcing that the show had been 'axed.' Presumably, because any show using the word 'singleton' to describe anyone other than former Blue Peter presenters does not deserve to live. Seriously, Channel 4, do you have any actual adults in the building that we can talk to? A Channel 4 spokesperson told the Sun: 'Every year, Channel 4, like all broadcasters, makes decisions about which shows to rest, return or conclude to ensure we always innovate and offer viewers the best range of programming. The decision not to recommission Let's Make A Love Scene ... was not financial.' Ouch! So, presumably, it must have been one of the three other reasons that TV shows get cancelled. Either it was shit, or, no one was watching it. Or, it was shit and no one was watching it.
8. Mel Giedroyc & Martin Clune Explore Britain By The Book
It would be hard not to feel sorry for Mel Giedroyc, winner of the 2021 and 2022 From The North 'Worst Of' lists with her woeful Dave vehicle Unforgivable. It would be, that is, if she didn't keep getting herself landed in risible frippery such as Mel Giedroyc & Martin Clunes Explore Britain By The Book. Giedroyc - whom this blogger used to have a bit of time for, even if her post-Bake Off CV has been a parade of one flop format after another - got shunted into this mess alongside Clunes, who seems over the last few years to have become ITV's go-to-guy for these sort of travelogue shows that they used to give to Joanna Lumley and, before her, Caroline Quentin. A 'literary' travelogue 'tailor-made for philistines' according to the Torygraph, it was also given the extremely backhanded compliment of 'not as twee as it sounds,' by someone at the i. This blogger begs to differ. As an example of something made for Gruniad Morning Star readers to fall asleep to along side in nice mug of milky cocoa, it was perfect - pretty to look at and undemanding on all sorts of levels. For anyone in desperate search of something with a bit of substance, it was the equivalent of a rice cracker. Bland and tasteless.
9. Paddy McGuinness: Tempting Fortune/Rise & Fall
In 2010, discussing From The North's least favourite show of that year, The Ludicrous Ms Dahl, From The North favourite Charlie Brooker commented: 'My over-riding feeling when watching it was that I wanted a man with a cricket bat - covered in shit - to come in and smash the whole place up!' Which brings us, nicely, to Tempting Fortunes. Christ almighty, dear blog reader, even by the unique standards of horseshit that professional Northern berk Paddy McGuinness has achieved over many, many years, this was complete, noxious diarrhoea. Why on Earth do broadcasters keep on commissioning vehicles for this absolute tool? Who keeps giving him money? Anyway, Tempting Fortune (a big hit, unsurprisingly, in Bolton, if not anywhere else) was the usual tacky, 'for the hard of thinking' Channel 4 format in which McGuinness gurned his way through six episodes as contestants embarked on an eighteen-day trek across South Africa's Eastern Cape. 'Disappointing and Morally Bankrupt Viewing,' wrote one disgusted online critic with whom this blogger would sympathise but, you chose to watch it in the first place, mate. This blogger had to, it's his job. 'This show encapsulates all of the worst traits in humanity and rewards them. The idea is simple: Work as a team and resist temptations along the way for a reward at the end. The catch? You get rewarded even if you fail.' This theme was taken up by another horrified Twitter user: 'Tempting Fortune is gonna perfectly sum up modern society. People these days can't go without instant gratification and are insanely selfish. There'll be zero in the prize fund at the end.' Tempting Fortune 'makes an entertaining case for greed being good,' claimed the Press & Journal with little supporting evidence. 'Selfish contestants need packing off into the army,' fumed the Torygraph, describing McGuinness's presence as being 'a pointless role that involves telling us the rules several times over. You'll be tempted to switch off.' The Birmingham Mail described viewers 'hating' one particular contestant. So, congratulations there to the production team for introducing a bit more hate into the world. Like we haven't got enough of that, already. When even Ally Ross at the Sun advises readers to avoid something like the plague, you know you're in trouble. 'The amazing thing about [Tempting Fortune] is that it's not even the worst reality show on Channel 4 at the moment,' Ross suggested. 'That would be Rise & Fall, which makes Tempting Fortune look like The World At War. Both, however, serve as equal reminders that it might be twelve years since C4 dropped Big Brother, promising to replace it with quality programmes more in keeping with its "innovative and creative" remit, but the pox of this lowest-common-denominator, fame-chasing show has never really gone away. All it's done is change its name to The Circle, The Island, Married At First Sight, Brat Camp, Rise & Fall or Tempting Fortune.' Testify, brother Ally. Rise & Fall, incidentally, was the same sort of characterless gruesome garbage only with Greg James instead of Paddy McGuinness. In June, Channel 4 announced they were considering axing a second series, citing the cost of filming and Rise & Fall's 'lack of success' in comparison with BBC's The Traitors. How sad.
10. The One Per Cent Club
Contradictions. Funny things, those. Life is full of them, it would seem. For example, in 1981 top Birmingham reggae superstars UB40 had a massive hit with 'One In Ten', a song about the misery of unemployment. Exactly twelve months later, top Birmingham reggae superstars UB40 had another hit with 'So Here I Am Sitting At A Bus Stop Wishing I Was Somewhere Else' a song about the misery of going to work. This blogger is not suggesting that either position is, inherently, wrong per se but, come on lads, make your minds up will ya? But, see, that's the thing about contradictions, they're usually inexplicable. Take this horrid beast of a quiz show. You kind of knew that ITV's The One Per Cent Club - hosted, unbelievably, by From The North favourite Lee Mack one of the smartest and funniest comedians working today, so that's contradiction number one right there - was going to be wretched from the very first trailers last year. Which suggested that this was the most lowest-common-denominator Saturday night game show in the long, forgettable history of lowest-common-denominator Saturday night game shows. Front-loaded with people giving ridiculously bone-stupid answers to pretty straightforward questions (let's face it, who doesn't enjoy laughing at punters with an apparently limited intellectual capacity? It's virtually a national sport in the UK these days), it was soon being reported that ITV had, allegedly, 'received complaints' about the, allegedly, 'incredibly easy' questions being asked. And that the format had been 'slammed' by viewers. 'Slammed', of course, being Daily Scum Express reader-speak for 'criticised' only with fewer syllables. 'The One Per Cent Club has been ridiculed by ITV viewers, with many making the same complaint about the new game show,' suggested the Sun. Yet, somehow, this atrocious piece of abject crud managed to acquire enough of an audience to warrant a second series this year - contradiction number two. It even won a sodding NTA which would qualify for contradiction number three if anyone was still keeping count at this stage. Food for thought, one may argue. This blogger strongly urges those in charge of these things to stick a rat in the kitchen of whomsoever devised this atrocious tripe and then film it and show it every Christmas. That, this blogger would definitely watch. A contradiction? Possibly.
11. Nick Knowles' New Year Clear Out
Smug, full-of-his-own-importance Nick Knowles visited Brighton for this programme, where Lauren and Mark's two-bed home was so cluttered with alleged 'junk' that it was giving them panic attacks. A further panic attack, presumably, occurred when obnoxious Nick Bloody Knowles rocked up on their doorstep with a film crew and a smug look on his smug mush demanding entry. A supposed 'special' episode of Nick Knowles' Big House Clear Out (and this blogger uses the word 'special' quite wrongly), this Channel 5 horrorshow (and drag) had Knowles admitting the premise can leave families 'angry' with him and his busy-body makeover team. The sickeningly judgemental and sneering nature of the programme and its treatment of those who are hapless enough to agree to take part in it was quite enough to make this blogger angry with Knowles. And with whomsoever thought this format would be 'entertaining' for viewers.
12. Sex: A Bonkers History
'The relief when it ends is indescribable,' claimed the Gruniad about this Sky History disgrace. 'From tragic cucumber jokes to whipping up some ancient Egyptian spermicide, this Amanda Holden and Dan Jones vehicle is an embarrassment from start to finish. You'll cringe yourself inside out ... After a quick section on gladiators' "cock rings" (designed to prevent sex and quite horrible), an art show of Pompeiian phalluses and a Blind Date-riff that is worse than Blind Date, it is all over. Whatever anyone was paid for their involvement in this tragic effort was too much and not enough. Please, if you want to fill the screen with "tits", just do that. Dressing it up as anything else diminishes everyone so much more.' Yes, pretty much that. This blogger occasionally worries when he comes across a TV show that baffles, appals or infuriates him that he's, at last, turns into a bitter, whinging old curmudgeon of the kind that made his blood boil when he was growing up. The TV-blogger equivalent of Freddie Trueman if you like. 'It weren't like this in t'maaa day,' et cetera. And that's almost certainly the first and only time that you'll find Amanda Holden and The Indoor League referred to in the same sentence on a 'Best & Worst Of' TV awards blog. Thus, it was actually something of a relief to find a general disgust at unpleasant formats such as Sex: A Bonkers History across the entire spectrum of the media. 'Amanda Holden is no Mary Beard,' suggested the i, somewhat needlessly. This blogger believes that, actually, there isn't a single person on Planet Human Scum who thinks she is Mary Beard or anything even remotely like it. Not even the morons who commissioned this waste of oxygen. 'Perhaps the greatest crime of this programme, however, is that it was not "bonkers" or "sexy" at all. "Warning!" Holden read the title card at the top of the hour. "This series will take you on a journey through our sexual history. Expect nudity, occasional swearing and ... lots of sex!" But aside from some actors moaning and a few glimpses of boob, there wasn't much to get excited about.' Holden may have claimed this was 'Horrible Histories for adults' but there was precious little evidence of any actual adults being in the room when they were making it. 'There was little cohesive narrative as we hopped between Sparta, ancient India, Egypt and Rome in an end-of-the-pier whistle-stop show that seemed predicated on getting the co-presenter Amanda Holden into a short, sexy Spartan toga-type sheet as soon as possible,' wrote The Times. 'Given Britain's history of sensible telly about sex (summary: there is none. It's all embarrassed giggling and pixelated penises) A Bonkers History was some way above excruciating. Amid the usual mixed grill of gratuitous nudey re-enactments and Lucy Worsley style dress-up, Holden and Jones did at least attempt to follow a thesis,' alleged the Torygraph, wrongly. 'There were naughty jokes about cucumbers and carrots and a version of Blind Date featuring randy Roman emperors. It was like watching a Carry On film produced by the Horrible Histories team,' added the Daily Scum Mail. Who, disappointingly, weren't anywhere near as appalled by A Bonkers History as this blogger was; a situation virtually unique outside of a Suella Braverman hate-speech. Truly, dear blog reader, we are living in the End of Days.
Followed by Thirty Five Programmes, All Of Which Were Neither Use Nor Bloody Ornament -
1. The Idol
'You're the American dream, rags-to-riches.' The worst TV show of 2023, by miles, was HBO's The Idol, widely deemed to be shockingly awful and inept before it was even broadcast. But, one which proved by almost every metric imaginable to be a hundred times more of a disaster than anyone was expecting. Created by Euphoria's Sam Levinson and Abel Tesfaye of The Weeknd [sic], The Idol followed Lily Rose-Depp's pop-star, Jocelyn, as she tries to make it big alongside her cult-leader mentor. Visually uninteresting and populated by some of the worst, most fake-sounding dialogue you will ever hear on television, The Idol wanted to be a big-budget whip-smart satire of Hollywood and celebrity manipulation. Instead, it crashed and burned under its shock-and-awe visuals, truly grotesque scenes featuring The Sex, blatant and crass sexism (claiming to be exposing the exploitation of the industry by being exploitative yourself wasn't, perhaps, the cleverest of moves) and melodramatic performances. It may have been released to a media firestorm over its controversial subject-matter but, rest assured, it was far worse than you're probably imagining. There was confusion over what exactly The Idol was supposed to be, it seemed to be several different shows masquerading as one. Was it an erotic drama exploring the power dynamic in an S&M relationship (full of rather tasteless hurt/comfort sequences)? Was it a broad satire on the absurd nature of the music industry? Neither, really, it was just rubbish. Moist rubbish at that. It was also subject to some of the worst reviews for any show in living memory. This blogger, for what it's worth, hasn't been quite so impotently angry and disappointed by a TV show since the final episode of The X-Files. If you missed The Idol, dear blog reader, consider yourself to have had one Hell of lucky escape. If you want to seek it out to see if it was as bad as this blogger is claiming, don't. Just don't. Trust Keith Telly Topping on that score.
The TV programme that accounted for the most media coverage afforded to any show in Britain in 2023 wasn't a classy costume drama, a soap opera, a popular, long-running family SF drama, the broadcast of a major sporting or political event or even, for once, something featuring Jeremy Clarkson. Instead, it was a harrowingly mundane, ITV daytime magazine show which features a strange variety of news, showbusiness gossip, lifestyle, fashion and beauty, live phone-ins and cash competitions. And, which has been running since 1988 with a variety of presenters. There were points during the year where, quite literally, it was impossible to pick up a newspaper - tabloid, broadsheet or, in the case of the Metro, not a real newspaper - and not find at least a page or two devoted to This Morning. Over the years, it has had a few controversies, admittedly. Like the time in 2012 when co-presenter Phillip Schofield decided to become The Paedophile-Smeller Pursuivant during a live interview with the then Prime Minister David Cameron and brandished a list of alleged child abusers which he had 'found on the Internet.' All whilst his co-host, Holly Willoughby, sat mutely beside him and fiddled with her hair. Schofield was widely castigated for his actions, Jonathan Dimbleby describing his behaviour as 'cretinous.' In December 2019, during that year's general erection, Schofield and Willoughby were criticised for a 'giggly' interview with another then Prime Minister, Bashing Boris. The co-hosts' decision to take a selfie with Johnson was also criticised with viewers suggesting a 'lack of professionalism' and 'clear political bias.' In 2022, there was the decision to include a prize of 'energy bills' in the programme's regular 'spin to win' game, a piece of insensitivity at a time when many people in the UK couldn't afford to heat their homes which was compared to the kind of thing one would see in dark satires like Black Mirror or The Hunger Games in terms of sheer crassness. And then, of course, there was that same year's Queengate controversy. Through all of this Schofield (a former BBC children's presenter who was, at least, reasonably personable) and Willoughby (another former BBC children's presenter with no discernible talent whatsoever for pretty much anything other than reading an autocue) remained bafflingly popular, regularly winning categories at the National Television Awards and the TV Choice Awards. Then, suddenly, this year it all kicked-off big-style. Following months of speculation (in the tabloids if not anywhere that actually matters) about his private life and rumours of an increasingly strained relationship with Willoughby, Schofield presented This Morning for the last time on 18 May. Two days later, he announced his departure with immediate effect, saying ITV had decided that 'the current situation [could] not go on.' Schofield issued a statement to the Daily Scum Mail on 26 May, in which he admitted having had a relationship with a young male ITV employee before he came out as gay and separated from his wife in 2020. Schofield had first met the employee while giving a talk at the drama school at which the latter was then a fifteen-year-old student. ITV said it had investigated rumours of a relationship between Schofield and the employee in 2020, but that they had both repeatedly denied the affair. Stating that it was 'deeply disappointed' by Schofield's 'admissions of deceit', ITV severed all ties with him. Since the departure of Schofield, several people involved in the show over the years have alleged that a 'toxic culture' operated at This Morning. Ruth Langsford made a complaint to ITV when she worked there whilst her husband, stated that Schofield was 'a narcissist and a bully at the centre of the toxicity.' Which, coming from Big Eamonn, really was saying something. The papers couldn't believe their luck as almost every day brought some new 'revelation' from people as diverse as Kerry Katona, Kim Woodburn, Doctor Ranji Singh and Carole McGiffin who lined-up to have their five minutes in the spotlight. As, of course, did That Awful Dorries Woman. Although, by that time, she was no longer the Lack Of Culture secretary and was in the process of not getting into the House Of Lords and being jolly upset about it. Alison Hammond (former Big Brother-type person) and Dermot O'Dreary temporarily took over on the sofas and decided to immediately take one for the team, claiming there was none of that-there toxic culture round here, guv. No siree, Bob. Then, just as things were starting to settle down and the odd day would go by with no This Morning stories pushing wholly unimportant news - like the war in Ukraine or criminal charges against now extremely former President Rump - onto page seven, on 5 October, Willoughby withdrew from the programme when an alleged murder plot against her became public. A few days later, she announced that she, too, had quit. Which became a 'newsflash' moment for at least one rolling-news channel (see below). This, obviously, then produced a whole avalanche of speculation as to whom would be replacing her (and Schofield). The kind of banal, ill-informed guessing games you normally see in the tabloids when the actor currently playing The Doctor announces they're leaving the TARDIS. And then, the Grand Old Duchess of York (she had ten thousand quid) turned up on the sofa, swanning around like she owned the place. All of this, dear blog reader, for a programme with an average daily audience of approximately eight hundred thousand punters. Do the words 'out of all proportion' seem appropriate at this point? Which probably also applies to this blogger who has just written more about This Morning than he has about the top four or five shows in From The North's 'Best Of' list. No one is innocent, dear blog reader. But, some of us are more guilty than others. Here endeth today's lesson.
A Channel 4 reality show presented by Danny Dyer. Do you really need this blogger to go any further? Described as 'a world first', eight z-list celebrity contestants spent eight days living, completing tasks, eating and sleeping in complete darkness in a specially built set. You know, for a laugh. With elements ripped (not even slightly shamefacedly) from I'm A Z-List Former Celebrity Desperate To Get My Boat-Race Back On TV ... Please Vote For Me To Stay Here As Long As Possible (I'll Even Eat Worms If You Want) and Big Brother, but with the audience of neither, this ... thing featured the likes of former Love Island contestant Chloe Burrows, Gogglebox's Scarlett Moffatt and Chris Eubank. Plus, just to emphasise the inherent abhorrent sadness of the entire production, Gazza. The Gruniad reviewer (That Awful Mangan Woman, inevitably) described it as 'Boring, derivative and occasionally downright horrible ... filled largely with stupid, boring challenges; contemptuous and derivative in the extreme.' It was, she stated, 'the stupidest reality show of all time.' And, that was one of the more positive reviews. The Daily Scum Express suggested that viewers had switched off Scared Of The Dark and branded the show 'Big Brother with [the] lights off.' The Independent bemoaned that the tasks distracted from the interpersonal dynamics and the 'psychological torture of being locked in a room with Chris Eubank.' The reviewer suggested that 'Channel 4 may just have stumbled on a winning formula.' It seems he may be correct as, according to the Daily Scum Mail in May, Scared Of The Dark had been 'renewed for second series' after being a 'huge ratings hit.' That was followed, exactly four weeks later, by the Sun claiming exactly the opposite. So, it would seem that every cloud does, indeed, have a silver lining.
Hosted by alleged (but, not even remotely funny) 'comedian' Joel Dommett, this atrocious series comprised a seven-episode run including a one-off z-list Celebrity 'special' for Soccer Aid. In With A Shout saw two families battle against each other to win a prize of twenty thousand smackers, answering questions hidden in moving pictures and shouting their guesses at TV screens. So, Family Fortunes for loudmouths, in other words. ITV viewers 'were left switching off the quiz after pointing out an "annoying" feature,' claimed the Daily Mirra. Whether said annoying feature was the host's lack of charisma, the format's lack of originality, or the contestant's lack of two brains cells to rub together is a question, perhaps, best left for another day. The broadcaster, seemingly, wasn't overly bothered by the 'annoyingness' that Mirra readers highlighted, renewing this crass puddle of noxious seepage for a second series. The recommission was greeted by Ben Wicks, creative director if producers Expectation (so, if you're wondering, this is his fault), thus: 'News of its return is superb - not least because we'll get another bumper crop of hilarious answers, like when a clip of a kazoo was identified as a "submarine", a warthog as "Hogwarts" and Daniel Craig as "Craig David."' And that, dear blog reader, tells you everything you need to know about this particular horrorshow and drag. Dommett ended the year fronting another of this blogger's least favourite shows of 2023 (see below), proving that some people in the TV industry appear to be a magnet for utter garbage.
The late film critic Roger Ebert once reviewed the movie The Brown Bunny (2003) observing that he had once endured a colonoscopy. 'They let me watch it on a television screen and it was better than The Brown Bunny!' Over the years this blogger has had two colonoscopies and an endoscopy all of which he was obliged to watch, possibly the three least pleasurable experiences of this blogger's life. Apart from watching Naked Attraction, that is. 'The dating show that likes to let it all hang out,' this bucket of diarrhoea has, of course, previously featured in From The North's annual 'Worst Of' lists. In 2016. And 2017. And 2018. So, at the risk of repeating ourselves (something which happens when something has not digested properly) this is a - dire - dating game show, presented by Anna Richardson. 'Is a nude dating show a public service?' wondered the Gruniad at a time when Channel 4 was desperately trying to argue its public service broadcasting credentials in the wake of a threatened government sell-off. 'Viewers outraged over full-frontal nudity in a racy new Channel 4 dating show' screamed the Daily Scum Mail, for whom the words 'naked' and 'Channel 4' must seem like manna from Heaven. 'How low can this channel go?' asked the Torygraph. 'Ofcom won't investigate Naked Attraction despite two hundred and fifty complaints' whinged the Daily Scum Express. Ofcom, reportedly, declined to perform an investigation due to the lack of sexual activity and the series' post-watershed timeslot. 'The most utterly stupid dating show on TV,' opined Buzzfeed (which, when you consider it had Take Me Out as competition really was saying something). 'Welcome to post-Brexit Britain,' the website's appalled critic added. 'Why does the show exist? Well, according to [producers], "modern dating has become a complicated business."' So, the obvious way around this is to flash your naughty bits to the nation (or, to that portion of the nation watching Channel 4 post-watershed, anyway). Put simply, you would have to be a brain-damaged moron or the victim of a cruel medical experiment and, in either case, someone without any dignity or self-respect, to appear on - or, indeed, watch - this wretched mess. And, if you're one of the people who dreamed Naked Attraction up in the first place, then you should probably be horsewhipped - naked - through the streets until you promise never to do anything so demeaning and offensive again. Yes, you found plenty of attention-seeking fodder happy to get their kit off on national telly for your cruel and shameful freak-show and even found a few hundred thousand gormless planks to watch them doing so. One trusts your parents are all very proud of you. The format, incidentally, has now been exported to Germany, Denmark, Italy, Finland, Norway, Poland, Russia and Sweden which have all made their own versions of the show. So, one supposes, we should stand up and salute that get-up-and-go enterprise which sees Britain exporting all of its utter crap to Johnny Foreigner. Is it any wonder the rest of the world hates us and laughs when our sporting teams do badly in major competitions?
An 'action packed' - it says here - 'adrenalised' (which this blogger is unsure if that's actually a word) reality game show where 'party-loving pairs' island-hop Greece's Aegean Islands in a race to take control of - and spend - fifty thousand Euros. The series starts with five pairs and a gold card loaded with mucho filthy wonga, to blow on the wildest trip of their lives. However, only one lucky pair can be in control at any time. For this pair it's simple, live their best life on the run but don't get caught. Meanwhile, everyone else will be trying to hunt them down and take the card from them. By force, if necessary. Yes, dear blog reader, Loaded In Paradise was every single bit as frightful as it sounds. The show where 'if you get the cash, it's time to dash' was a celebration of greed and selfism from those hateful sods at ITV2. ITV said, when recommissioning the show, that it had 'achieved a healthy share of young viewers - more than one-third were aged between sixteen and thirty four.' Because, presumably, no actual adult would be caught dead watching this tripe. 'In the overnight ratings, it performed in line with fellow ITV2 formats such as Ready To Mingle, but is a far cry from matching the channel's best performer, Love Island.' This was 'hate-watching distilled down to its purest essence. Unfortunately, there's also nothing enjoyable about it,' wrote an anguished Vicky Jessop at the Standard. 'Pointless and tasteless, watching people think of stupid ways to spend money in a cost-of-living crisis is not fun.' The Torygraph suggested it was 'like being stuck on a package holiday with your worst neighbours.' The chief executive of production company TwoFour, Tim Carter (thus, it's his fault) said 'We wanted something that had all the sunshine and aspiration of a great dating show, but wasn’t about dating,' adding that Loaded In Paradise 'aims to harness Millennial and Gen Z fixation with social media and sharing images of themselves living their best life.' So hateful, offensive, avaricious, greedy and designed for show-offs on Twitter to flaunt themselves and their new-found affluence to The Ordinary People. The Twenty First Century in microcosm.
First shown in 2022 and, for some unfathomable reason, repeated on E4 early this year (hence its inclusion here), the concept behind this ghastly Channel 4 dating show Let's Make A Love Scene sounded woeful, though it eventually revealed itself to be a lot of faff around one simple question: out of three options, who does one person fancy the mostest, baby? The host, That Awful, Crude, Smug Ellie Taylor Woman (a previous regular in From The North's 'Worst Of' lists via Late Night Mash) claimed that this was a dating show that 'does it like the movies.' And, she didn't mean Citizen Kane or A Matter Of Life & Death, dear blog reader. 'The problem is that once you get past the gimmick, this is just the familiar format of three dates followed by a winner and I don't think I've seen a single dating show like it where it hasn't been obvious who will be chosen from the second they meet,' suggested the Gruniad Morning Star. Of the two episodes commissioned, only one made it to our screens. The second episode was pulled from schedules days before broadcast without explanation and was not uploaded to All4. The natural assumption being that C4 saw the ratings for the first and panicked with a repeat of Eight Out Of Ten Cats Does Countdown parachuted into the vacant slot. Possibly to show Taylor what real comedians look like. 'Channel 4's smut obsession reaches a new low with the bizarre Let's Make A Love Scene,' snarled the Torygraph, with wax exploding in its collective ears but not entirely without justification. 'Let's Make A Love Scene was a unique take on the dating show format and saw singletons recreate sex scenes from iconic movies in a bid to see if love will blossom for real,' claimed the Sun when announcing that the show had been 'axed.' Presumably, because any show using the word 'singleton' to describe anyone other than former Blue Peter presenters does not deserve to live. Seriously, Channel 4, do you have any actual adults in the building that we can talk to? A Channel 4 spokesperson told the Sun: 'Every year, Channel 4, like all broadcasters, makes decisions about which shows to rest, return or conclude to ensure we always innovate and offer viewers the best range of programming. The decision not to recommission Let's Make A Love Scene ... was not financial.' Ouch! So, presumably, it must have been one of the three other reasons that TV shows get cancelled. Either it was shit, or, no one was watching it. Or, it was shit and no one was watching it.
It would be hard not to feel sorry for Mel Giedroyc, winner of the 2021 and 2022 From The North 'Worst Of' lists with her woeful Dave vehicle Unforgivable. It would be, that is, if she didn't keep getting herself landed in risible frippery such as Mel Giedroyc & Martin Clunes Explore Britain By The Book. Giedroyc - whom this blogger used to have a bit of time for, even if her post-Bake Off CV has been a parade of one flop format after another - got shunted into this mess alongside Clunes, who seems over the last few years to have become ITV's go-to-guy for these sort of travelogue shows that they used to give to Joanna Lumley and, before her, Caroline Quentin. A 'literary' travelogue 'tailor-made for philistines' according to the Torygraph, it was also given the extremely backhanded compliment of 'not as twee as it sounds,' by someone at the i. This blogger begs to differ. As an example of something made for Gruniad Morning Star readers to fall asleep to along side in nice mug of milky cocoa, it was perfect - pretty to look at and undemanding on all sorts of levels. For anyone in desperate search of something with a bit of substance, it was the equivalent of a rice cracker. Bland and tasteless.
In 2010, discussing From The North's least favourite show of that year, The Ludicrous Ms Dahl, From The North favourite Charlie Brooker commented: 'My over-riding feeling when watching it was that I wanted a man with a cricket bat - covered in shit - to come in and smash the whole place up!' Which brings us, nicely, to Tempting Fortunes. Christ almighty, dear blog reader, even by the unique standards of horseshit that professional Northern berk Paddy McGuinness has achieved over many, many years, this was complete, noxious diarrhoea. Why on Earth do broadcasters keep on commissioning vehicles for this absolute tool? Who keeps giving him money? Anyway, Tempting Fortune (a big hit, unsurprisingly, in Bolton, if not anywhere else) was the usual tacky, 'for the hard of thinking' Channel 4 format in which McGuinness gurned his way through six episodes as contestants embarked on an eighteen-day trek across South Africa's Eastern Cape. 'Disappointing and Morally Bankrupt Viewing,' wrote one disgusted online critic with whom this blogger would sympathise but, you chose to watch it in the first place, mate. This blogger had to, it's his job. 'This show encapsulates all of the worst traits in humanity and rewards them. The idea is simple: Work as a team and resist temptations along the way for a reward at the end. The catch? You get rewarded even if you fail.' This theme was taken up by another horrified Twitter user: 'Tempting Fortune is gonna perfectly sum up modern society. People these days can't go without instant gratification and are insanely selfish. There'll be zero in the prize fund at the end.' Tempting Fortune 'makes an entertaining case for greed being good,' claimed the Press & Journal with little supporting evidence. 'Selfish contestants need packing off into the army,' fumed the Torygraph, describing McGuinness's presence as being 'a pointless role that involves telling us the rules several times over. You'll be tempted to switch off.' The Birmingham Mail described viewers 'hating' one particular contestant. So, congratulations there to the production team for introducing a bit more hate into the world. Like we haven't got enough of that, already. When even Ally Ross at the Sun advises readers to avoid something like the plague, you know you're in trouble. 'The amazing thing about [Tempting Fortune] is that it's not even the worst reality show on Channel 4 at the moment,' Ross suggested. 'That would be Rise & Fall, which makes Tempting Fortune look like The World At War. Both, however, serve as equal reminders that it might be twelve years since C4 dropped Big Brother, promising to replace it with quality programmes more in keeping with its "innovative and creative" remit, but the pox of this lowest-common-denominator, fame-chasing show has never really gone away. All it's done is change its name to The Circle, The Island, Married At First Sight, Brat Camp, Rise & Fall or Tempting Fortune.' Testify, brother Ally. Rise & Fall, incidentally, was the same sort of characterless gruesome garbage only with Greg James instead of Paddy McGuinness. In June, Channel 4 announced they were considering axing a second series, citing the cost of filming and Rise & Fall's 'lack of success' in comparison with BBC's The Traitors. How sad.
Contradictions. Funny things, those. Life is full of them, it would seem. For example, in 1981 top Birmingham reggae superstars UB40 had a massive hit with 'One In Ten', a song about the misery of unemployment. Exactly twelve months later, top Birmingham reggae superstars UB40 had another hit with 'So Here I Am Sitting At A Bus Stop Wishing I Was Somewhere Else' a song about the misery of going to work. This blogger is not suggesting that either position is, inherently, wrong per se but, come on lads, make your minds up will ya? But, see, that's the thing about contradictions, they're usually inexplicable. Take this horrid beast of a quiz show. You kind of knew that ITV's The One Per Cent Club - hosted, unbelievably, by From The North favourite Lee Mack one of the smartest and funniest comedians working today, so that's contradiction number one right there - was going to be wretched from the very first trailers last year. Which suggested that this was the most lowest-common-denominator Saturday night game show in the long, forgettable history of lowest-common-denominator Saturday night game shows. Front-loaded with people giving ridiculously bone-stupid answers to pretty straightforward questions (let's face it, who doesn't enjoy laughing at punters with an apparently limited intellectual capacity? It's virtually a national sport in the UK these days), it was soon being reported that ITV had, allegedly, 'received complaints' about the, allegedly, 'incredibly easy' questions being asked. And that the format had been 'slammed' by viewers. 'Slammed', of course, being Daily Scum Express reader-speak for 'criticised' only with fewer syllables. 'The One Per Cent Club has been ridiculed by ITV viewers, with many making the same complaint about the new game show,' suggested the Sun. Yet, somehow, this atrocious piece of abject crud managed to acquire enough of an audience to warrant a second series this year - contradiction number two. It even won a sodding NTA which would qualify for contradiction number three if anyone was still keeping count at this stage. Food for thought, one may argue. This blogger strongly urges those in charge of these things to stick a rat in the kitchen of whomsoever devised this atrocious tripe and then film it and show it every Christmas. That, this blogger would definitely watch. A contradiction? Possibly.
Smug, full-of-his-own-importance Nick Knowles visited Brighton for this programme, where Lauren and Mark's two-bed home was so cluttered with alleged 'junk' that it was giving them panic attacks. A further panic attack, presumably, occurred when obnoxious Nick Bloody Knowles rocked up on their doorstep with a film crew and a smug look on his smug mush demanding entry. A supposed 'special' episode of Nick Knowles' Big House Clear Out (and this blogger uses the word 'special' quite wrongly), this Channel 5 horrorshow (and drag) had Knowles admitting the premise can leave families 'angry' with him and his busy-body makeover team. The sickeningly judgemental and sneering nature of the programme and its treatment of those who are hapless enough to agree to take part in it was quite enough to make this blogger angry with Knowles. And with whomsoever thought this format would be 'entertaining' for viewers.
'The relief when it ends is indescribable,' claimed the Gruniad about this Sky History disgrace. 'From tragic cucumber jokes to whipping up some ancient Egyptian spermicide, this Amanda Holden and Dan Jones vehicle is an embarrassment from start to finish. You'll cringe yourself inside out ... After a quick section on gladiators' "cock rings" (designed to prevent sex and quite horrible), an art show of Pompeiian phalluses and a Blind Date-riff that is worse than Blind Date, it is all over. Whatever anyone was paid for their involvement in this tragic effort was too much and not enough. Please, if you want to fill the screen with "tits", just do that. Dressing it up as anything else diminishes everyone so much more.' Yes, pretty much that. This blogger occasionally worries when he comes across a TV show that baffles, appals or infuriates him that he's, at last, turns into a bitter, whinging old curmudgeon of the kind that made his blood boil when he was growing up. The TV-blogger equivalent of Freddie Trueman if you like. 'It weren't like this in t'maaa day,' et cetera. And that's almost certainly the first and only time that you'll find Amanda Holden and The Indoor League referred to in the same sentence on a 'Best & Worst Of' TV awards blog. Thus, it was actually something of a relief to find a general disgust at unpleasant formats such as Sex: A Bonkers History across the entire spectrum of the media. 'Amanda Holden is no Mary Beard,' suggested the i, somewhat needlessly. This blogger believes that, actually, there isn't a single person on Planet Human Scum who thinks she is Mary Beard or anything even remotely like it. Not even the morons who commissioned this waste of oxygen. 'Perhaps the greatest crime of this programme, however, is that it was not "bonkers" or "sexy" at all. "Warning!" Holden read the title card at the top of the hour. "This series will take you on a journey through our sexual history. Expect nudity, occasional swearing and ... lots of sex!" But aside from some actors moaning and a few glimpses of boob, there wasn't much to get excited about.' Holden may have claimed this was 'Horrible Histories for adults' but there was precious little evidence of any actual adults being in the room when they were making it. 'There was little cohesive narrative as we hopped between Sparta, ancient India, Egypt and Rome in an end-of-the-pier whistle-stop show that seemed predicated on getting the co-presenter Amanda Holden into a short, sexy Spartan toga-type sheet as soon as possible,' wrote The Times. 'Given Britain's history of sensible telly about sex (summary: there is none. It's all embarrassed giggling and pixelated penises) A Bonkers History was some way above excruciating. Amid the usual mixed grill of gratuitous nudey re-enactments and Lucy Worsley style dress-up, Holden and Jones did at least attempt to follow a thesis,' alleged the Torygraph, wrongly. 'There were naughty jokes about cucumbers and carrots and a version of Blind Date featuring randy Roman emperors. It was like watching a Carry On film produced by the Horrible Histories team,' added the Daily Scum Mail. Who, disappointingly, weren't anywhere near as appalled by A Bonkers History as this blogger was; a situation virtually unique outside of a Suella Braverman hate-speech. Truly, dear blog reader, we are living in the End of Days.
Cancelled after a mere but one series, You Wont Believe This - broadcast in December 2022 - was yet another line on the CV-of-shit for host That Awful Crude, Smug Ellie Taylor Woman, who also had Let's Make A Love Scene axed by Channel 4 around the same time (see above). To lose one of your two revolting TV formats, Ms Taylor, could be regarded as misfortune. To lose both looks like you or someone advising you made a couple of effing dreadful choices. Which is, frankly, far funnier than anything you've ever included in your crude, unfunny stand-up routines. You Won't Believe This was based on a group of amateur sleuths listening to 'shocking' - and 'stunning' - stories from a series of suspicious characters. Only one member of the group was telling the truth, so the detectives were tasked with singling out fact from fiction. The contestants dig into the suspects' stories, before being able to question them in an interrogation cell. If they were able to identify the correct person they won a cash prize of five big ones. If they fail to identify the correct bad'un, however, the suspect took home the lolly instead in a case of crime does pay. A marvellously socially-aware message for Channel 4 to be sending out at a time when it was trying to justify its existence to a hostile (and, amusingly, soon-to-be-former) Lack Of Culture secretary. Sometimes, Channel 4, when you're in a hole it's a good idea to stop digging. The Scum Mail On Sunday revealed that staff at the channel were calling it 'a bloodbath' as programmes as diverse as Naked Attraction (see above), 'big-money celebrity flop' Scared Of The Dark (see above) and the medical documentary Rescue: Extreme Medics, were all 'canned' in the same merciless Doctor Beeching-style cull. The much-publicised return of the reality series Four Weddings was also scrapped, even though a team from an independent production company had been commissioned to make it. Staff on fixed contracts to work on the programme were immediately laid off, with some telling the - wholly unsympathetic - newspaper that they were worried about how they would pay their rent. Sign on the dole, just like normal people who lose their jobs, perhaps? Either that or ask That Awful Crude, Smug Ellie Taylor Woman for a loan since she seems to be seldom out of paid employment despite possessing little in the way of talent? It's a tough world, people. You Won't Believe This was 'like Would I Lie to You? ... but tedious' according to the Gruniad Morning Star. Viewers 'slammed' Channel 4 'for ripping off rival game show' claimed the Sun using about five posts on social media as their focus group. In which case it's probably worth, at this juncture, paraphrasing a very famous piece of dialogue from Yes, Prime Minister, to wit: The Daily Mirra is read by people who think they run the country; the Gruniad is read by people who think they ought to run the country; The Times is read by the people who actually do run the country; the Daily Scum Mail is read by the wives of the people who run the country; the Financial Times is read by people who own the country; the Morning Star is read by people who think the country ought to be run by another country; the Daily Torygraph is read by people who think it is. Readers of the Sun don't care who runs the country, as long as she's got big tits.
Michael Grade's infamous statement about the value of content when he was ITV executive chairman had then and still now has much merit to it. Grade suggested that the broadcaster needed to get out of the habit of making copycat programmes which failed to innovate. 'We have been very quick to copy other people's formats,' Grade told the Gruniad in 2007. 'We've stuck the word "celebrity" on the front of a copied format and pretended that's good enough. It's creatively bankrupt to be honest.' What went for ITV more than a decade ago, it would seem, goes doubly for ITV2 in 2023. 'But, it appeals to a young demographic,' those within the TV industry will no doubt argue. Yeah well, so did The Hitler Youth. Described by ITV themselves as 'iconic', Z-List Celebrity Catchphrase is now ten years old and still about as welcome as a pork pie at a Jewish wedding. Among the worthless z-listers rocking up the latest series to stand next to Stephen Mulhern and look stupid were (and the list is be no means all-encompassing): Kadeena Cox, That Awful Crude, Smug Ellie Taylor Woman, Aston Merrygold, Liza Tarbuck, Siobhan McSweeney, Jay Blades, Zoe Williams, Danny Miller, Vernon Kay and Lady Leshurr. That's as desperate a line-up of has-beens and never-weres as you'll ever see, dear blog reader. Exported, recently, to New Zealand, needless to say the natives were not happy: 'Hellish British game show set to debut on Eden,' agonised the Stuff website. Z-List Celebrity Catchphrase 'might offer better banter than the classic show and provide an opportunity for those participating to surprise audiences, or allow them to indulge in a bit of schadenfreude, but it doesn't really lift what is a fairly depressingly one-note format.' Calling Mister Grade - it looks like they didn't take any notice of you.
In which you, too, dear blog readers, can discover what sort of ghost with terrifyingly low self-esteem and appalling taste would volunteer to haunt the likes of Louie Spence, Laurence Llewelyn-Bowen, Marnie Simpson (no, me neither) and Simon Gregson. The second series of this dreadful appendage of alleged psychic 'investigations' was certainly a big comedown on the first in terms of the level of 'celebrity' involved; at least during the last series we got to have a look around Toyah Wilcox and Robert Fripp's palatial country gaff. Albeit, it also featured some The Only Way Is Essex-type individual, so we shouldn't laud it too highly. Nevertheless, anyone without a desperate need to get themselves on Discovery+ (and, be watched by an audience of, what, about eight people?) would, surely, think twice before letting Barri Ghai, Jayne Harris and Ian Lawman into their drum for a bit of the old 'is there anybody there?' nonsense. At least when Derek Acorah did his ludicrous malarkey, claiming to get in touch with Michael Jackson in the afterlife fourteen years ago, it was quite funny even if it wasn't supposed to be. That said, watching Louie Spence appearing shocked and stunned when told he had an, allegedly, murdered chap, allegedly wandering the halls of Stately Spence Manor and saying 'I'm not happy with that. I don't know if I want him to stay,' was in the same sort of ballpark in terms of its ridiculousness. Think how the ghost feels, mate, he's got to co-hab with you. Renewed for a third series (which will include a line-up that makes Louie and co look positively y-list), one can only assume that this festering puddle of stinking puss mustn't cost much to produce. Because, from extensive research, this blogger has been unable to find anyone that appears to be watching it to justify its existence. An, alleged - though, suspiciously anonymous and, therefore, almost certainly fictitious - 'insider' allegedly told the Sun (they're not alleged, they really do exist, believe it or not): 'It's going to be an amazing series with a real eclectic mix of stars showing the ghost hunters and paranormal experts around their spooky homes.' In exactly that sort of tabloidese 'real people don't talk like that' way we know and wince at.
'Teams of celebrities take on the nail-biting quiz hosted by Ross Kemp,' said the BBC before this rubbish started. Which, in and of itself, probably put any potential viewers with an ounce of common sense off the damned thing. Ross, having clearly decided he'd had enough of trying to take on The Tablian on his own to prove how hard he is or donning his scuba gear to dive for hidden treasure, here reinvents himself as a genial quiz show host. It doesn't really work because you keep on expecting him to nut someone in the mush for looking at him 'in a funny way.' 'The celebrity team will include EastEnders' John Partridge, Coronation Street's Faye Brookes, Emmerdale's Natalie Anderson and Hollyoaks' Richard Blackwood,' added the Radio Times. So, Ross Kemp and some soap z-listers, oh this just gets better and better. A subsequent episode included former members of The Sugababes, Eternal, Steps and The Pussycat Dolls. So, Ross Kemp and some ex-pop stars, rotting in a studio (yes, dear blog reader, that was an Altered Images reference, in case you were wondering). Then there was the 'Sporting Legends' episode, featuring David Calamity James, Ugo Monye, Judy Murray ('legend'?) and Pat Nevin. Oh God, Magic Pat Nevin - someone this blogger actually used to have a modicum of respect for. What were you thinking of, Pat? Calamity, as it happens, turned out to be something of a hit with the viewers via his knowledge of cats and, ultimately, the whole fiasco was for charrr-i-deeee. So, perhaps this blogger should not be too critical. But, you know, where's the fun in that? Previously described as a 'shameless rip-off' of ITV's Tenable, the rotten format remains marginally popular with the BBC and attracted enough of an audience to get itself another series. One, genuinely, hopes that the charities which benefitted from this were happy. Cos this blogger certainly wasn't.
As welcome as a big, hairy wart on the end of ones chap, the second series of ITV's Stars In Their Eyes reboot began in February. And, most of the audience had lost interest before March arrived. Shania Twain (a replacement for Sheridan Smith, who was busy with real work) was not on the judging panel for two episodes due to her Vegas residency Let's Go! and, so, was unable to tell someone 'that don't impress me much' for the forty seventh time. Her seat was taken by Ronan Keating. 'A cut-price Stars In Their Eyes made me wish I had my fingers in my ears' said That Awful Singh Woman at the Torygraph, presumably chuckling at her own cleverness. 'Starstruck viewers "give up" on show as they brand it the "worst episode" so far' added the My London website. WalesOnline claimed that 'viewers [were] fuming' because someone they liked didn't got through to the next round. ITV Starstruck Viewers All Say The Same Thing As Shania Twain Returns To Show suggested the Daily Lies. 'It only hurts when I'm breathing'? Just a wild stab in the dark. The series was won by Abbie Edwards performing as Adele. In June, it was reported that plans for a third series had been 'put on hold' and, in September, presenter Olly Murs confirmed that the show had been axed. Though, thankfully, not with an actual axe because that would've been very messy. Let it be noted, however, Starstruck really wasn't very good but it was not in the same league of genuine horribleness as Harry Hill's dismal 2015 revival of Stars In Their Eyes. Now, that was crap.
Hang on, hasn't this vile, Victorian freakshow for the hard-of-thinking already been killed off? Twice? Are ITV2 really so desperate for viewers that they'll revive any old banal, lowest-common-denominator rubbish just to pull in a few gullible punters? Actually, don't bother answering that, dear blog reader. It was, after all, clearly a rhetorical question.
'ITV have reportedly axed a star-studded show due to poor ratings,' shouted the Daily Scum Mail with some obvious, agenda-soaked, delight. Queens For The Night which saw male z-list celebrities being transformed into drag queens was a one-off Saturday night format broadcast late last year, just too late to feature in From The North's 2022 awards blog. The show was hosted by Lorraine Kelly and saw the likes of Adam Woodyatt, Simon Gregson, Mister Motivator and Love Island's Chris Hughes (no, me neither) taking part. They were guided by mentors Myra Dubois and Kitty Scott-Claus. Judges Mel C, Australian drag queen Courtney Act and large-toothed alleged 'comedian' Rob Beckett completed the line-up. A, suspiciously anonymous - and, therefore, almost certainly fictitious - 'source' allegedly told the Sun in July: 'The show was always thought of as a bit of a "special" for ITV but there was the hope it might take off and become a series. That hasn't happened.' The format was compared, unfavourably, with the American series RuPaul's Secret Celebrity Drag Race. Only with about a tenth of the personality and charm of the US show. 'If there is a stranger segment of television this year than Ian Beale in drag, impersonating Gemma Collins, Boris Johnson and Miss Piggy while singing 'Total Eclipse Of The Heart', I will be shocked,' wrote the i's reviewer. At least the cancellation of Queens For The Night kept Rob Beckett from being on our TV screens more than he is already. For that, if nothing else, this blogger applauds the decision.
Here's a fun game for all the family, dear blog reader - describe a random TV format that includes Katie Price in but two words. If you said 'morally bankrupt', welcome to the club. Another twenty four carat gem from Channel 4, this format saw Price attempting to transform her nineteen-room 'vandalised and uninhabitable' mansion into a 'forever home' for her family. In August, Price confirmed to the Daily Scum Mail that the format had been 'axed' as she attempted to rent out the - expensively renovated - West Sussex mucky mansion for six grand a week. Which, if a piece in the Brighton Argus is anything to go by, is proving more difficult than she'd perhaps imagined. Because it is, allegedly, haunted obviously and not due to the lack of too many people stupid enough to cough up that much on a bling-palace. A report earlier in the year had suggested producers 'weren't keen' on renewing the programme after viewing figures declined by three hundred thousand between the first series and the second. It was also revealed that Price was to face questions in court over her three million knicker debts after she declared (actual) bankruptcy in 2019. The reality-TV regular, who was once estimated to be worth over forty million smackers, previously agreed to pay twelve grand a month to creditors but has, the Scum Mail claimed, 'not been sticking to the deal, according to those owed the money.' The programme itself, according to the Yorkshire Live website, '[left] viewers "disgusted" as eyewatering cost raises questions ... It's not just the mess that is turning viewers off but the bizarre plan to fix it and the decision to [broadcast] it in the first place.' The Irish Times described the programme as 'Celebrity Big Brother meets amateur Dermot Bannon.' The Birmingham Mail suggested that 'fans savaged Katie, a mum-of-five, over the volume of her speech. Fans criticised her, calling her a "foghorn" and saying there's "no need" for her volume.' In September, the Mirra claimed that the titular Mucky Mansion itself 'has fallen into disrepair with rubbish strewn in the garden despite the property's glossy TV makeover.' Thus rendering the whole rationale for the show's existence in the first place somewhat moribund. Much like Katie Price's entire career, in fact.
'I had a baby very young. It ruined my life.' The trailer for the fourth series of this wretched piece of sneering, Middle Class twattery - a regular feature in From The North's 'Worst Of' lists in 2020, 2021 and 2022 - did, at least, include the welcome news that it was 'back for a final season.' Hurrah. That was great news. Well, the 'final' bit was; the unwelcome fact that it was 'back', admittedly, was a major disappointment. Once again, Martin Freeman, Daisy Haggard, Alun Armstrong, Stella Gonet and other talented, likeable actors had to wade, knee-deep, through a series of situations playing characters that you just hoped would fall, face first, into a lake a burning phlegm and drown. 'Without the safety net of a ready supply of jokes ... leaves Breeders as a comedy-drama that's a little lacking in both,' wrote the Torygraph. Too kind. Far, far too kind. The final episode broadcast on 25 September on Sky One with an overnight audience of but eighty seven thousand punters. All of whom, presumably, had nothing better to do with their time. Like, perhaps, contemplating the inherent ludicrousness of existence.
22. Violent Child, Desperate Parents
If you think you're having an existential crisis in your daily life, dear blog reader, fear not - it could be worse. You could be one of the poor sods who got roped into this wretched piece of allegedly 'thought-provoking' lifestyle telly from Channel 5. The channel that previously brought you Rich House Poor House, Bargain-Loving Brits In The Sun, Wife On Strike, Penelope Keith: From Margo To Manor, Z-List Celebrity Dogs Behaving (Very) Badly, Eaten By An Escalator, et cetera, et cetera. 'Violent Child, Desperate Parents threw viewers straight into the deep end tonight with distressing scenes of violence,' noted the Daily Mirra a couple of years ago when the programme first appeared. 'The pre-show warning couldn't do the Channel 5 documentary justice as a nine-year-old was seen savagely attacking his despairing mother.' 'Who's to blame? Viewers slam parents whose violent young son takes six hours to get to bed each night ... but do you agree?' asked the Sun sensing that at least some of their - no doubt perfect - readers would not agree and probably felt that Adrian and Emma, from South Wales, should've treated their 'nasty, vile boy' a damn sight more harshly than they did in the episode. The British Psychological Society wrote extensively about resident psychologist Laverne Antrobus meeting nine-year-old Joseph from Stoke, who 'terrorises' his mum with physical violence and verbal abuse. 'Rather than demonising them, this programme reminds us that violent children are still children after all: not mad, but sad.' And, that the only answer is to 'cut off their goolies.' Probably. First broadcast in 2018 and now into its third series, Violent Child, Desperate Parents may, indeed, be a serious sociological study of an important problem in modern society and we should not scorn or mock it for trying to help people facing a difficult situation. Okay, that is a valid argument which this blogger accepts at face value. This blogger's issue with the programme is not so much what it is saying but the fact that it exists in the first place. Whose idea was it to go out searching for desperate parents with violent children and then put them on television so that some people you've never heard on social media can criticise them for giving their son a slap and readers of the Sun can criticise them for not slapping him hard enough? Seriously, dear blog reader, there is something utterly depressing about the fact that a production company thought viewers would watch such a programme for entertainment. This blogger hopes, genuinely, that Adrian and Emma and their son and Joseph from Stoke and his mum and all of the other people featured in this distressing, sorry fiasco got some help and advice from meeting Laverne and the other psychologists. And, that their problems have been, if not solved, then at least eased somewhat, by that process. His objection to Violent Child, Desperate Parents is that they had a bloody camera stuck in their faces whilst doing so and that a broadcaster then thought this was worth showing to people sandwiched between episodes of The Hotel Inspector and World's Most Expensive Cruise. That, rather than anything within the programme itself, was sodding shameful.
23. The Great Big Tiny Design Challenge
An - utterly pointless - eight-part competition, which was broadcast on Channel 4's digital channel More4 in the Spring, challenged designers to renovate an entire derelict mansion, inspired by real-world designs. The catch was that the luxury fantasy home they must remodel was doll-sized. Presented by - equally small - Sandi Toksvig (who, sadly, was at her most irritating in this) the whole thing was inoffensive enough but did seem to be a bit of a 'written the back of a cigarette packet' format. And, it was soon following a host of other Channel 4 productions in getting the chop amid claims that the broadcaster was battling to drastically reduce costs in the face of declining advertising revenue. Once again, a spokesperson for Channel 4 stated that the reason for cancellation was 'not financial.' One or two people even believed them.
24. Next Level Chef/Future Food Stars
Gordon Ramsay's BBC show Future Food Stars 'is said to have been given the boot by the corporation after airing for just two seasons,' the Daily Mirra reported in July. The programme which saw budding chefs put through their paces 'failed to bring in mega-ratings for the network. No episode of the show fronted by the infamous potty-mouthed chef brought in over two million viewers. As the seasons continued, the grande finale was beaten by ITV's comedy programme, It'll Be Alright On The Night.' It had been claimed, by TV Zone, that the second series of the programme had been commissioned before the first series finished broadcasting in the Spring of 2022. 'Viewers had previously slammed the show,' the Mirra continued, 'branding one contestant "nasty" after he appeared to make comments aimed at his fellow co-stars.' The rotter. All of this was jolly bad news for Ramsay, of course, but this was 'the second instalment of bad news for the Scottish chef after his ITV programme, Next Level Chef, also failed to attract audiences and was brutally axed by the colourful network.' Why is ITV 'colourful' you may be wondering, dear blog reader? Christ only knows. Ask Daniel Bird, the Mirra's Assistant Showbiz Editor and the author of this potentially prize-winning piece of journalism. The Radio Times (which used to be run by adults) also carried the news of this double blow to Ramsay's colossal ego. As did the Dellish website. And the Daily Scum Mail. And the Daily Scum Express. All of this, after Lord Sugar Sweetie had got into an online tiff with yer man Ramsay over claims that Future Food Stars was 'a virtual rip-off' of The Apprentice. Big fight. Little people. Next Level Chef, meanwhile, had got the cancellation order a couple of months earlier, with the Sun reporting that show will not be renewed as 'the ratings weren't high enough.' So, almost as annus horribilis for Gordon as it was for That Awful, Ellie Taylor Woman and Joel Dommett, then?
25. Naked, Alone & Racing To Get Home
In 2022, the Westmoreland Gazette reported that 'E4 are on the hunt for people to appear in Naked, Alone & Racing To Get Home.' Apparently, they found some. So, well done them. 'This captivating series sees two pairs of daredevils bare all and head off on a wild adventure in the British countryside. Across three days, with no phones, money or clothes, the two teams will race against each other, as they battle the elements and use their resourcefulness to forage their own food, build their own shelter and source their own materials to keep warm.' Plus avoid getting arrested for baring their nakedness in public. 'Fans go wild for Naked, Alone & Racing To Get Home saying they're "obsessed" with the "utter madness" of the show where nude contestants race across UK,' claimed the Daily Scum Mail basing their evidence of this alleged enthusiasm and 'obsession' on the postings of half-a-dozen easily-pleased glakes on social media. The Sun also went searching for reactions: 'Viewers were left shocked [and, presumably, stunned] when a pair of contestant's on Naked, Alone & Racing To Get Home had a very bizarre run-in with a member of the public on a bike.' Though, to be fair, any interaction with someone not involved in the programme that didn't include the words 'oh, put it away and show some dignity' could, legitimately, be considered 'bizarre'. 'From E4's new clothes-free hiking show to programmes featuring life-size holograms of contestants' wobbly bits, television has become insatiably obsessed by nudity. But why?' asked the Gruniad. 'Even if Naked, Alone & Racing To Get Home fails - and, let's be honest, it might - then a thousand new naked shows (mainly commissioned by Channel 4) will rush in to take its spot. The problem is, nobody seems to know exactly what purpose these shows serve.' Naked, Alone & Racing To Get Home star Chrissie Wunna 'says she looked like a "crazy woman" knocking on doors with her "vagina out"' added the Daily Lies. How come no one with their vaginas out ever knocks on the door of The Stately Telly Topping Manor Plague House dear blog reader? Well, there was that one time ... but perhaps this blogger has said too much.
26. FUBAR
'My daughter's in the CIA?' It should be said up-front that Arnold Schwarzenegger's small screen debut featured one of the better performances of Arnie's long and varied career. But oh dear, does this thing drag and groan under the weight of itself. Following a veteran, in theory retired, CIA field operative who learns that his daughter (an admittedly scene-stealing Monica Barbaro, fresh from her role in Top Gun: Maverick) also works for The Company, Netflix's FUBAR's only joke about strained families and Arnie being an infamous action-man simply can't withstand its monumental runtime. The title (an acronym for 'fucked-up beyond all redemption') doesn't help either almost standing up and inviting snarky comments. The series had some bright spots, particularly early-on, but by the time it reached a tired conclusion you probably wouldn't care about its clichéd espionage set-up and Arnie mocking his standard action-hero persona. 'Like so many streaming series, FUBAR simply doesn't have enough story to justify its overall runtime, a real problem considering we're talking about all of eight hours in this case,' suggested the News-Herald. 'It’s a mild comedy and a tepid adrenalin shot. Leaning into satire might have saved it,' added The Age. 'From the moment [Schwarzenegger] sips a beer from a decorated stein the real plot becomes clear: it is for him/this to be merely understandable in sixty eight languages, like every one of those other glossy, meaningless international spy/criminal shows,' wrote The Times. Sometimes, however, the shortest reviews are the most telling and the funniest. In this case, an award of some kind should go to the Beverly Hills Courier's Neely Swanson who said: 'FUBAR is definitely FUBAR.' Why use eight hundred words, dear blog reader, when four sarcastic ones will do?
27. Plebs: Soldiers Of Rome
Cancelled in 2019 after five, genuinely torturous, series ITV2's Plebs was, frankly, about as funny as my Biggus Dickus. The one-off 'finale', Soldiers Of Rome was broadcast on 8 December 2022 and was an early reminder that winter is, by far, the cruellest season. Hoping to win respect, romance and discounts at participating restaurants, Marcus, Grumio, Jason and Aurelius sign up to the army during peace time just as war is declared and they are sent to fight on the front line. Unsurprisingly they don't return as conquering heroes or cover themselves in glory. Less than three hundred thousand gullible citizens watched this circus most of whom, one images, were bellowing Romani ite domum at the screen. 'Don't expect a blaze of glory,' the director Sam Leifer told the Independent during production. We didn't. And it wasn't.
28. A Cut Above
'It's like MasterChef .... with chainsaws' according to a shouty man on the Sky trailers concerning this Canadian import, 'the ultimate chainsaw carving competition series with challenges on artistry, stamina and skills.' Okay, fair enough but who the Hell wants to watch MasterChef with chainsaws? What next, Sky, The Great British Bake Off with bazookas? The Repair Shop with shootahs? Wheelers Dealers with tanks? Actually, come to think of it, the latter's not a bad idea. Any networks out there interested, you can have the rights to that one for nothing.
28. My Mum, Your Dad
A dating show that began on ITV in September, presented by Davina McCall. The series followed a group of middle-aged single parents as they headed to a 'romance retreat' in Sussex for 'a second chance at love.' Which, unbeknownst to them, was being overseen by their adult children. A feeble idea for a series in the first place, it was described by the Gruniad Morning Star as 'hilarious' and 'excruciating' adding that 'unlike the usual contestants [on Love Island] these people have real stories, real baggage and real emotions.' The Times strongly criticised the series, noting that the reviewer would 'sooner eat [their] own liver than have [their] children spying on [their] pitiful attempts at flirting or snogging.' They also suggested that there was too much focus on the children's opinions. The Independent argued that the show's producers appeared to have 'mistaken the middle-aged contestants for helpless geriatrics who can no longer be trusted to boil a kettle, let alone make decisions about who they'd like to date.' The Daily Scum Mail took great delight in reporting that the series only drew one-and-a-half million overnight viewers for its launch episode 'as fans slam ITV show's "insulting Big Brother style" twist,' whilst the Evening Chronicle added that ITV was facing a 'backlash' from viewers 'over choice of contestants.' They added that 'while My Mum, Your Dad did get some praise from ITV viewers over its soundtrack, as classics by the likes of Toto, Cyndi Lauper and Crowded House played throughout the episode, the biggest criticism was over a lack of "normal" people in the show's line-up.' As if that is a unique occurrence on this type of programme.
30. Banged Up
'Our lofty aim ... is to explore the prison system and try to show - in the most realistic way possible - what it is really like to be locked up in a UK Prison to privileged people who know very little about jail,' claimed Channel 4 in pre-publicity for this format. 'Once banged up, the VIP inmates would be able to interrogate their ex-criminal cellmates on their prison experiences and crimes - as well as examine the impact the system had on them.' Laudable enough sentiments, one supposed but, as with all of these 'life-swap TV' ideas, it was ultimately doomed to failure and, not an unreasonable amount of ridicule. As previously noted, several times, on this blog - most recently in relation to 2020's risible Rich Kids Go Skint - most years From The North's annual 'Worst Of' lists seem to include at least one example of this strand of factual telly which is, seemingly, beloved by executives and producers who can't afford an original idea. In which someone from a particular lifestyle is given the opportunity - for a brief time and, presumably, for plenty of money - to experience 'how the other half lives.' This has led to such gross disasters as 2009's offensive horror The Duchess On The Estate, the same year's crass, ignorant Mel B vehicle Seven Days On The Breadline and 2011's genuine curiosity Geordie Finishing School For Girls among many others. Quite why executives and producers love this type of programme is unknown since very few of them ever get any sort of audience to speak of. Largely because viewers can usually spot a pile of hypocritical diarrhoea a mile away. Any hint of realpolitik aside, it's possibly because such shows appear to be relatively cheap to make. Most of these formats involve a process known as 'poverty tourism' - as with 2019's wretched The British Tribe Next Door, for instance. In which people from, let's be charitable and say 'fortunate' backgrounds pretend to be stinking dirt-poor for a week in a living embodiment of the lyrics of Pulp's 'Common People'. Thus, in this particular lousy, calamitous fiasco, 'seven famous faces' agreed to serve (a short amount of) bird alongside ex-convicts at HMP Shrewsbury, a genuine decommissioned prison. Well, five not-particularly famous faces, Sid Owen and some bloke off Gogglebox if we're being honest, here. A couple of Tory MPs (one former), the truly odious Peter Hitchins of the Scum Mail On Sunday and ... a couple of other people you've never heard of also featured. The Gruniad Morning Star loved it - although one suspects that was, at least in part, the sheer joy of seeing Horrible Hitchins getting all nervous about being assaulted in the showers by Mister Big, who's 'in' with the warders. And, they had a point, to be fair. 'Channel 4 viewers have hailed Banged Up as "one of the best documentaries this year", but some needed to "bleach their eyes" after watching the first episode,' claimed Entertainment Daily. 'John Mercer is a British politician and former British Army officer. He has served as Minister of State for Veterans' Affairs since October 2022. During episode one, he seemed to be permanently sucking a vape and liberally dropped the F-bomb into every other sentence. But there was one particular scene which left viewers gagging into their Earl Grey. Within minutes, the MP was seen smoking contraband tobacco that had been up someone's bum!' It seems that a second series was commissioned before the first had even been shown. The Daily Scum Mail claimed that disgraced and disgraceful former Health Secretary Matt Hancock had been approached to take part but declined. Given that he'd already been sent down for stint in The Joint with Chris Moyles and Seann Walsh on I'm A Z-List Former Celebrity Desperate To Get My Boat-Race Back On TV ... Please Vote For Me To Stay Here As Long As Possible (I'll Even Eat Worms If You Want) he probably felt (wrongly) that he'd more than served his debt to society. Despite being quite well-regarded by several media organs, this blogger felt this entire exercise was somewhat pointless and, as with all life-swap TV experiments, very patronising. Though, admittedly, the sight of former MP Neil Parish (whom dear blog readers may remember resigned after being caught watching porn in the Commons on his phone whilst claiming, that he was 'looking for tractors') being forced to, in the words of the Independent, 'strip, squat and go behind bars.' Admittedly, that was funny.
31. Grand Slammers
'The Rugby World Cup is on, so it is natural for telly to look back to 2003, when England won the trophy. What sort of light-factual series would be a good commemoration? Fortunately, a relevant bandwagon is already rolling,' suggested the Gruniad. 'Recently, Andrew Flintoff has taught underprivileged kids cricket on the BBC and David Beckham has rescued a youth football team for Disney. So, here was Grand Slammers on ITV, a two-parter in which a gang of World Cup winners teach rugby to prison inmates. An easy commission - but ITV may not have ended up with quite the show it expected.' Yes, dear blog reader, you wait ages for a prison-based celebrity reality series to arrive and then two come along almost at once. 'Tonight, there's gonna be a jailbreak somewhere in this town,' as Thin Lizzy once said. The jail, one imagines. Near unique in being one of the few TV shows ever to get reviewed in Rugby World, Grand Slammers 'started slowly' according Broadcast, pulling in an overnight audience of less than but seven hundred thousand punters for its opening episode. The Scum Mail, of course, got fascinated due to Mike Tindall's royal connections; nobody else seemed to even notice the thing had been on. Apart from the Hertfordshire Mercury. 'Programmes of this type usually have a self-imposed time limit, to inject some jeopardy. But, in this case, the prison had only given the film-makers five weeks' access,' said the Torygraph. 'Five weeks to fashion a team from a ramshackle bunch with no knowledge of the game is not very long.' Oh, I don't know - watching the two episodes seemed an awfully long time to this blogger.
32. Survivor
There is an - almost certainly apocryphal - story that one night, around 1973, a waiter was delivering champagne and caviar to George Best's hotel room, only to be confronted by the sight of thousands of pounds of casino winnings and the current Miss World lying on the bed next to Bestie, covered only by a fur coat. Legend has it that the man looked at the Manchester United icon, looked at the money, looked at the woman and then said "Georgie, can I ask you a question? Where did it all go wrong?' Which brings us, nicely, to Survivor. 'Anyone expecting a polite, apologetic version of Survivor will be completely surprised,' the Executive Producer behind the BBC's disastrous rebooted reality series claimed. Speaking to Deadline a few days prior to launch in late October, Paul Osborne (so, it's his fault) argued that Survivor's producers have 'leaned into high-production values and high-stakes gameplay 'in a similar vein to the US team behind the EMMY-winning CBS smash. That optimism lasted just long enough until the reviews and the ratings for the opening episode arrived. Then, it was effing carnage. 'Do we really need another formulaic eviction marathon?' whinged the Torygraph. You'd expect such sentiments from that particular media organ, of course. But when you're a pathetic reality TV show and Gary Bullshit in the Daily Lies is having a go as you ('Survivor is predictable - we need new Only Fools & Horses not reality re-runs') you know you're in trouble. 'Survivor's future on the BBC looks uncertain even though just two episodes have aired, according to new data' claimed the - hardly impartial - thuggish right-wing filth at GB News. It was suggested that BBC executives had 'been in crisis talks' due to the underwhelming reception Survivor received. Despite having a lead-in of around seven million Strictly Come Dancing viewers, Survivor's opening episode only managed to attract an average of 2.6 million overnight punter. The second episode the following evening, which the BBC had moved Planet Earth III in the schedule for, attracted a reported live audience of but two million - less than a repeat of Antiques Roadshow on BBC2 at the same time. However, the BBC said they were 'reserving judgement' and an alleged - though, suspiciously anonymous and, therefore, almost certainly fictitious - 'source' allegedly told the Daily Scum Express: 'In a world of on-demand viewing, programmes are not judged on overnight performance alone and iPlayer figures are still to come.' Nevertheless, there was said to be genuine anger within the BBC that successful Saturday and Sunday night schedules had been 'messed about with' to accommodate a twenty year old TV format, fronted by worthless numpty Joel Dommett (see above) and, previously, broadcast on the Beeb's commercial rival, ITV. Where, at least, it's crass populism made a kind of sense. An alleged - though, suspiciously anonymous and, therefore, almost certainly fictitious - 'insider' allegedly told the Daily Scum Mail: 'It's crazy. BBC1 had a winning Saturday and Sunday night schedule that would have seen it safely through to Christmas - and the panicking bosses just ripped it up to make room for a show that cost so much of licence-payers' money that they could not afford for it to flop. They even moved Sir David Attenborough from his traditional 8pm slot. It is terrible news for the BBC, it is an absolute disaster. It cost a fortune and it is just not appealing to the masses - conversations are now taking place as to what can be done to turn things around, quickly.' The paper also, inevitably, found a few people whinging on social media that they found the new series 'dull' and 'boring' and 'lambasted' the production company, Banijay. 'As a huge Survivor fan, I'm gutted the Beeb has got this series so wrong,' wrote Entertainment Daily's Helen Fear. 'Host Joel Dommett is just wrong for this show. He needs to drop the dad jokes and the awful puns. Where's the tension?' 'What did these whingeing contestants expect? A lovely trip to Center Parcs [sic]?' added the Gruniad. At the time of writing the BBC say they have yet to make any decision on whether the series will return and, in a way, one would rather like it to do that just to prove GB News, the Daily Scum Express and the Daily Scum Mail wrong. But in another, far more rational, way - as a licence fee payer who'd rather this hard earned sickness benefits weren't spent on this abject bollocks - the question needs to be asked. Where did it all go wrong?
33. Jacob Rees-Mogg's State Of The Nation
It's Jacob Rees-Mogg on GB News. Need one say more?
34. Charlotte In Sunderland
The second series of this truly risible vehicle for Mackem 'entrepreneur and reality TV personality', former Geordie Shore-type individual Charlotte Crosby was every bit as annoying and worthless as the first. It is, however, comforting to know that in this ever-changing world in which we live in (that line doesn't make sense, incidentally, Sir Paul), some things remain reliably wretched. Surely, even the patrons at The Stadium Of Shite wouldn't be seen dead watching this nonsense? If I'm A Z-List Former Celebrity Desperate To Get My Boat-Race Back On TV ... Please Vote For Me To Stay Here As Long As Possible (I'll Even Eat Worms If You Want) represents the top four of the Premier League in terms of reality TV formats then this ... thing, like a small Wearside association football club, is stuck mid-table in The Championship and going nowehere, fast.
35. That's My Jam
This blogger watched an episode of BBC Three's That's My Jam expecting, as the title had suggested, that it would be all about From The North favourite Paul Weller's 1970s Mod/Power-Pop trio and all of the bangin' tunes they had hits with. But, it wasn't. And, as a consequence, this blogger was really cross and discombobulated. Note: It didn't have anything to do with Robertson's either (other jams and marmalades are available). So, clearly, the Office Of Fair Trading needs to have a look at this programme under the 1972 Trades Description's Act. Just sayin'.
From The North's Award For The Most Ludicrous & Insulting TV News Moment Of The Year -
This occurred in October when Sky News anchor Mark Austin, who was on the ground in Jerusalem, abruptly stopped the broadcaster's rolling coverage of the Israel-Hamas conflict to report on what was, clearly, a much more important piece of breaking news, the announcement of Holly Willoughby's departure from This Morning. The fact that Austin, a genuinely respected TV journalist, didn't look even slightly embarrassed as he did this was what made it art. Long-term From The North dear blog readers may recall the Mark Kermodian-style rant this blogger did in 2019 regarding The Jeremy Kyle Show and how that abomination trivialised and tabloidised everyone and everything it touched, including its audience. Well, as an example of the frequently crass tabloid trivialisation of much (though, thankfully, not all) news coverage on British television in the Twenty First Century, this abomination was worthy of and yet, at the same time, beyond parody. An online suggestion that the next general erection will take place live from the I'm A Z-List Former Celebrity Desperate To Get My Boat-Race Back On TV ... Please Vote For Me To Stay Here As Long As Possible (I'll Even Eat Worms If You Want) jungle with a public text vote on whether That Awful Braverman Woman will be forced to take a dip in the gunk tank to retain her seat in the Commons cannot, at this time, be entirely ruled out. Especially if someone from Sky News read that and thought, 'you know what, that's actually not a bad idea.' We live in sorrowful times, dear blog reader.
From The North's Award For The Most Disgraceful GB News Moment Of The Year (And, There Were Many) -
From lots and lots of potential winners of this cruel and catastrophic category, the events of 26 September pretty much kicked all of the opposition into the bin. Appearing on that evening's edition of Tonight With Dan Wootton, notorious heedbanging nut-job Laurence Fox asked 'what self-respecting man' would 'climb into bed' with the journalist and political commentator Ava Evans. Both Fox and Wootton (remember the latter from the disgraced and disgraceful Scum of the World where he was 'showbusiness editor') were immediately suspended by the scummy right-wing broadcaster over this heinous, misogynistic sexist gittery. Ofcom launched an investigation after receiving over eight thousand complaints, while the Daily Scum Mail terminated its contract with Wootton, who wrote a twice-weekly column for them with instant effect. (Wootton's Scum Mail column had, previously, been paused anyway regarding 'a series of allegations' relating to other matters entirely.) GB News's CEO, Angelos Frangopoulo, told the BBC that Fox's comments about Evans were 'way past the limits of acceptance' (no shit?) Fox grovelingly apologised for his asinine comments two days later, describing them as 'demeaning' and 'not representative of who I am.' When, in fact, anyone who's heard just about anything Fox has had to say on near enough any subject over the last few years (since Billie left him and he went completely off the deep end) may well feel that these comments represent exactly whom Laurence Fox is. To think, he used to be a From The North favourite when he was so good in Lewis. Then again, so was Morrissey before he, too, went mental. Calvin Robinson, who presented a religious affairs programme for GB News, became the third presenter in three days to be suspended by the channel after throwing himself on his own sword when voicing his support for Wootton online. Robinson blustered that 'if he falls, we all fall.' Needless to say, within a week, they all did, indeed, fall. The channel also confirmed the investigation into Wootton was 'still ongoing' (and, at the time of writing, it remains so). In response, Fox whinged: 'GB News had one opportunity and that opportunity was to stand up and defend free speech, which they haven't done, so I think now as they brand themselves the home of free speech, they're actually the home of cancel culture.' His contrition, shame and sorrow for his offensive 'not who I am' comments having lasted all of six days, it would appear. Meanwhile, reports surfaced that GB News was employing 'at least five people' who had previously faced allegations of sexual impropriety, including one accused of rape. Soon afterwards, the Welsh Conservative leader Andrew RT Davies appeared on Nigel Farage's GB News programme, later facing criticism from a senior Welsh Government minister for 'appalling misogyny' when suggesting that Senedd Convenor Elin Jones was too 'busy doing her hair' to appear on the programme. Then, two days later, GB News announced that they had hired now extremely former Prime Minister Sacked Bashing Boris to present a series 'showcasing the power of Britain around the world.' The channel has been found to have breached Ofcom's standards on several occasions and, as of August 2023, was the subject of seven ongoing investigations into its compliance with Ofcom's due impartiality rules. In November, Ofcom chairman Michael Grade told the BBC that the regulator did not 'want to be in the business of telling broadcasters, licensees, who they can [and] who they can't employ.' Which very much begs the question of what, exactly, Ofcom (a politically-appointed quango, elected by no one) is for, if not to do exactly that. In the same week, former Channel 4 journalist Michael Crick spoke to former From The North favourite and now, absurd conspiracist loon Scottish Neil Oliver (and his lovely hair), discussing freedom of speech. During his appearance, Crick said that Ofcom should regulate GB News for being politically biased, adding: 'I've been fighting bias in television for a very long time and it's one of the reasons I left Channel 4 News, because I thought it was left-wing biased. I think Ofcom, which is one of the weakest institutions on the planet, should get a grip on you lot. It's absurd that you have Tory MP, after Tory MP, after Tory MP, two leaders of the Brexit Party [as hosts] and hardly any Labour MPs - you are a right-wing channel and the rules in this country are very clear.' Crick was then, reportedly, 'abruptly removed' from the studio, as the channel went to an advert break. When the show returned, Oliver said that he was 'very disappointed about the sequence of events that just unfolded. The last thing I want to see during a conversation between grown-ups about censorship is that conversation being brought abruptly to a close by others. That's the situation in which I find myself, I don't stand by censorship.' In a later discussion, Oliver characterised the situation as 'a discussion about censorship being censored.' Oh, the dramatic irony. GB News - the, self-styled, 'home of free speech' (unless it's free speech that they disagree with of course, in which case, nah, not so much). Crick later described GB News as a 'right-wing propaganda channel.' Yes, Michael, we've all noticed.
From The North's Award For The Most Sickeningly Sycophantic TV Interview Of The Year -
ITV broadcast Harry: The Interview, a distressingly inept ninety five-minute slurpfest on 8 January in which the Ginger Ninja talked to a fawning Tom Bradby ahead of the release of his autobiography, Spare, two days later. According to Deadline, the programme was watched by an average audience of 4.1 million who didn't have anything better to do with their time. But, it was, very satisfyingly, beaten in the overnight ratings by episode two of the third series of Happy Valley on BBC1 (see above), which drew a live audience of 5.2 million. Critical reaction to Harry: The Interview was, of course, entirely based on certain agendas being pushed by particular media organs. But, overall, the general consensus was 'what a right load of old effing toot!' Julie Burchill wrote in The Spectator: 'Though Harry talks a lot about "growth", this was a portrait of a lost young man for whom the getting of wisdom is about as likely as Meghan serving up a Full English ... for breakfast.' The Independent's reviewer was sympathetic towards Harry and his wife's alleged grievances concerning the press, but believed they do not 'appear to understand how the media works' adding: 'They seem to think the House of Windsor rules rather than reigns. They are wrong in claiming that the rest of the family and the Buckingham Palace staff have ever been in any position to do anything about the media, or indeed, to answer Harry's charge more directly, to control any leaking from various royal households.' The same newspaper also described it as 'Prince Harry's latest primetime moan' and that Bradby does not 'leave a boot unlicked... It is a level of sycophancy typical of a product that is stage-managed and unchallenging from start to finish.' The Grunad Morning Star stopped inches short of crying 'Viva The Revolution! But first, vegan quiche' finding Harold 'charming' and 'articulate' and predicted that 'his story will appeal to the younger demographic.' Well, so does Teletubbies, your point being ...? The Times was one of several newspapers that questioned exactly what the purpose of the interview was and wondered 'when this whingeing will stop? Okay, we heard him say repeatedly that he wants "accountability", whatever that means, but what's the endgame in hanging all this dirty family washing on the line? Revenge? Reconciliation? Your own regular slot on Loose Women?' Unsurprisingly, in the Torygraph, That Awful Singh Woman argued that despite Harry's claims of being in 'a good headspace' he came over as 'furious, defensive and just plain sad.' Two months later, an episode of South Park would, brilliantly, parody Harry ('royal prince, millionaire, world traveller, victim') and his wife ('sorority girl, actress, influencer, victim') and their claims that they wish for 'privacy' whilst accepting any TV interview they can get (so long as they get the right to the final edit before transmission). In response to Harry's claim that he and his missus had not accused his family of racism during their interview with Oprah Winfrey the previous year and it was the press who had created that narrative, Good Morning Britain host Richard Madeley criticised the couple for allowing the press to run with the story and not correcting it. Still, for all that, Harry: The Interview wasn't anywhere near the twenty four carat telly car-crash that Hazza's Uncle Andy suffered in 2019, so one imagines he and Meghan are taking that as a win.
From The North's TV Curiosity Of The Year -
The Coronation Of King Charles III.
From The North's coverage of the death of the late Queen last year, hopefully, established the blogger's 'I can take 'em or leave 'em, frankly' attitude towards royalty. Except for Prince Andrew, obviously. He's a fucker. Therefore, with Mad Frankie Boyle's Channel 4 documentary Farewell To The Monarchy (which was actually far more balanced than this blogger expected even if, as the Gruniad noted, Mad Frankie looks to have blown his chance of an OBE any time soon) fresh in the mind it was time for twelve hours of televised bling. 'Immaculately rehearsed, touching and Shakespearean' wrote Michael Billington in the Gruniad. 'All-access coverage captures [the] grandeur - but Republicanism nowhere to be seen,' added National World. Which was hardly surprising - I mean, few Luddites were ever invited to a 'bring your own sabot' Machine-Smashing party for all the family at the local factory back in the day. As this blogger noted when watching one of 2022's 'TV Curiosities Of The Year', The Proclamation Of The King, this blogger recalled something said shortly after That Awful Thatcher Woman's funeral took place at Westminster Abbey in 2013. A lot of people - this blogger very much included - were being rather arch, cynical and sneering about the somewhat Over-The-Top pomp and ceremony involved in that particular event. But, on that week's episode of Have I Got News For You, the King of the Cynics, Ian Hislop, said something which really struck Keith Telly Topping. Hizza noted that 'ceremony' and 'tradition' are both things that we actually do really well in Britain. We've got all these beautiful buildings and people with spectacular uniforms and daft titles (Gold Stick In Waiting, et cetera) and, it's stupid not to use them once in a while. So, for the first televised Coronation since 1953 (and, only the second ever), we got the full chocolate cake with fancy decorations. Especially as it was in colour this time around. The BBC provided the sole feed in Ultra-High-Definition. Overall, the Beeb used seven outside broadcast trucks and over one hundred cameras. They also suspended the licence fee for the weekend so that venues could screen the Coronation and the Coronation concert the following day, without needing to buy a television licence. Meaning, one didn't have to pay to watch Olly Murs, which was a blessing. The Coronation ceremony itself was viewed by an average television audience of 18.8 million across eleven channels, with a peak audience of 20.4 million, making it - by a distance - the most-watched broadcast of the year. The BBC showed the event simultaneously on BBC1, BBC2 and the BBC News Channel and its peak audience of 15.5 million was the largest for any broadcaster. As usual when it goes head-to-head with the BBC at a major event (the World Cup, for example), ITV got its arse well and truly kicked in the ratings, with but three million viewers. Plus points: It was a significant technical achievement for the BBC. Lots of people watched it and, seemingly, rather enjoyed it. The ludicrous suggestion that viewers at home should 'join in' with the Oath of Allegiance was quite brilliantly parodied by From The North favourite Simon Mayo who countered that, instead, we should all do the oath from School Of Rock ('I pledge allegiance to the band of Mister Schneebly and will not fight him for creative con-trowle!') And, of course, King Chas finally got to sit on his old mum's throne after all those years. Good things, it would seem, really do come to he who waits. On the minus side: It cost a shitload of money that could probably have been better spent helping the poorest in this country with the current cost of living crisis. Anyone who even looked like they were going to (peacefully) protest in the vicinity of the Abbey got their collars felt by Old Bill in an avalanche of the most furiously over-zealous policing since ... the last time The Met were furiously over-zealous. And, perhaps most importantly, about two-thirds of the country displayed a noteworthy apathy and didn't bother watching any of it. Not because they felt particularly strongly about any aspect of the monarchy's role (or lack of it) in modern society. More because they simply had better things to do with their time.
And, on that bombshell, dear blog readers, From The North's annual awards for the 'Best' and 'Worst' TV shows will return in 2024. If this blogger survives another twelve months of his ongoing medical shenanigans, of course.
If you think you're having an existential crisis in your daily life, dear blog reader, fear not - it could be worse. You could be one of the poor sods who got roped into this wretched piece of allegedly 'thought-provoking' lifestyle telly from Channel 5. The channel that previously brought you Rich House Poor House, Bargain-Loving Brits In The Sun, Wife On Strike, Penelope Keith: From Margo To Manor, Z-List Celebrity Dogs Behaving (Very) Badly, Eaten By An Escalator, et cetera, et cetera. 'Violent Child, Desperate Parents threw viewers straight into the deep end tonight with distressing scenes of violence,' noted the Daily Mirra a couple of years ago when the programme first appeared. 'The pre-show warning couldn't do the Channel 5 documentary justice as a nine-year-old was seen savagely attacking his despairing mother.' 'Who's to blame? Viewers slam parents whose violent young son takes six hours to get to bed each night ... but do you agree?' asked the Sun sensing that at least some of their - no doubt perfect - readers would not agree and probably felt that Adrian and Emma, from South Wales, should've treated their 'nasty, vile boy' a damn sight more harshly than they did in the episode. The British Psychological Society wrote extensively about resident psychologist Laverne Antrobus meeting nine-year-old Joseph from Stoke, who 'terrorises' his mum with physical violence and verbal abuse. 'Rather than demonising them, this programme reminds us that violent children are still children after all: not mad, but sad.' And, that the only answer is to 'cut off their goolies.' Probably. First broadcast in 2018 and now into its third series, Violent Child, Desperate Parents may, indeed, be a serious sociological study of an important problem in modern society and we should not scorn or mock it for trying to help people facing a difficult situation. Okay, that is a valid argument which this blogger accepts at face value. This blogger's issue with the programme is not so much what it is saying but the fact that it exists in the first place. Whose idea was it to go out searching for desperate parents with violent children and then put them on television so that some people you've never heard on social media can criticise them for giving their son a slap and readers of the Sun can criticise them for not slapping him hard enough? Seriously, dear blog reader, there is something utterly depressing about the fact that a production company thought viewers would watch such a programme for entertainment. This blogger hopes, genuinely, that Adrian and Emma and their son and Joseph from Stoke and his mum and all of the other people featured in this distressing, sorry fiasco got some help and advice from meeting Laverne and the other psychologists. And, that their problems have been, if not solved, then at least eased somewhat, by that process. His objection to Violent Child, Desperate Parents is that they had a bloody camera stuck in their faces whilst doing so and that a broadcaster then thought this was worth showing to people sandwiched between episodes of The Hotel Inspector and World's Most Expensive Cruise. That, rather than anything within the programme itself, was sodding shameful.
An - utterly pointless - eight-part competition, which was broadcast on Channel 4's digital channel More4 in the Spring, challenged designers to renovate an entire derelict mansion, inspired by real-world designs. The catch was that the luxury fantasy home they must remodel was doll-sized. Presented by - equally small - Sandi Toksvig (who, sadly, was at her most irritating in this) the whole thing was inoffensive enough but did seem to be a bit of a 'written the back of a cigarette packet' format. And, it was soon following a host of other Channel 4 productions in getting the chop amid claims that the broadcaster was battling to drastically reduce costs in the face of declining advertising revenue. Once again, a spokesperson for Channel 4 stated that the reason for cancellation was 'not financial.' One or two people even believed them.
Gordon Ramsay's BBC show Future Food Stars 'is said to have been given the boot by the corporation after airing for just two seasons,' the Daily Mirra reported in July. The programme which saw budding chefs put through their paces 'failed to bring in mega-ratings for the network. No episode of the show fronted by the infamous potty-mouthed chef brought in over two million viewers. As the seasons continued, the grande finale was beaten by ITV's comedy programme, It'll Be Alright On The Night.' It had been claimed, by TV Zone, that the second series of the programme had been commissioned before the first series finished broadcasting in the Spring of 2022. 'Viewers had previously slammed the show,' the Mirra continued, 'branding one contestant "nasty" after he appeared to make comments aimed at his fellow co-stars.' The rotter. All of this was jolly bad news for Ramsay, of course, but this was 'the second instalment of bad news for the Scottish chef after his ITV programme, Next Level Chef, also failed to attract audiences and was brutally axed by the colourful network.' Why is ITV 'colourful' you may be wondering, dear blog reader? Christ only knows. Ask Daniel Bird, the Mirra's Assistant Showbiz Editor and the author of this potentially prize-winning piece of journalism. The Radio Times (which used to be run by adults) also carried the news of this double blow to Ramsay's colossal ego. As did the Dellish website. And the Daily Scum Mail. And the Daily Scum Express. All of this, after Lord Sugar Sweetie had got into an online tiff with yer man Ramsay over claims that Future Food Stars was 'a virtual rip-off' of The Apprentice. Big fight. Little people. Next Level Chef, meanwhile, had got the cancellation order a couple of months earlier, with the Sun reporting that show will not be renewed as 'the ratings weren't high enough.' So, almost as annus horribilis for Gordon as it was for That Awful, Ellie Taylor Woman and Joel Dommett, then?
In 2022, the Westmoreland Gazette reported that 'E4 are on the hunt for people to appear in Naked, Alone & Racing To Get Home.' Apparently, they found some. So, well done them. 'This captivating series sees two pairs of daredevils bare all and head off on a wild adventure in the British countryside. Across three days, with no phones, money or clothes, the two teams will race against each other, as they battle the elements and use their resourcefulness to forage their own food, build their own shelter and source their own materials to keep warm.' Plus avoid getting arrested for baring their nakedness in public. 'Fans go wild for Naked, Alone & Racing To Get Home saying they're "obsessed" with the "utter madness" of the show where nude contestants race across UK,' claimed the Daily Scum Mail basing their evidence of this alleged enthusiasm and 'obsession' on the postings of half-a-dozen easily-pleased glakes on social media. The Sun also went searching for reactions: 'Viewers were left shocked [and, presumably, stunned] when a pair of contestant's on Naked, Alone & Racing To Get Home had a very bizarre run-in with a member of the public on a bike.' Though, to be fair, any interaction with someone not involved in the programme that didn't include the words 'oh, put it away and show some dignity' could, legitimately, be considered 'bizarre'. 'From E4's new clothes-free hiking show to programmes featuring life-size holograms of contestants' wobbly bits, television has become insatiably obsessed by nudity. But why?' asked the Gruniad. 'Even if Naked, Alone & Racing To Get Home fails - and, let's be honest, it might - then a thousand new naked shows (mainly commissioned by Channel 4) will rush in to take its spot. The problem is, nobody seems to know exactly what purpose these shows serve.' Naked, Alone & Racing To Get Home star Chrissie Wunna 'says she looked like a "crazy woman" knocking on doors with her "vagina out"' added the Daily Lies. How come no one with their vaginas out ever knocks on the door of The Stately Telly Topping Manor Plague House dear blog reader? Well, there was that one time ... but perhaps this blogger has said too much.
'My daughter's in the CIA?' It should be said up-front that Arnold Schwarzenegger's small screen debut featured one of the better performances of Arnie's long and varied career. But oh dear, does this thing drag and groan under the weight of itself. Following a veteran, in theory retired, CIA field operative who learns that his daughter (an admittedly scene-stealing Monica Barbaro, fresh from her role in Top Gun: Maverick) also works for The Company, Netflix's FUBAR's only joke about strained families and Arnie being an infamous action-man simply can't withstand its monumental runtime. The title (an acronym for 'fucked-up beyond all redemption') doesn't help either almost standing up and inviting snarky comments. The series had some bright spots, particularly early-on, but by the time it reached a tired conclusion you probably wouldn't care about its clichéd espionage set-up and Arnie mocking his standard action-hero persona. 'Like so many streaming series, FUBAR simply doesn't have enough story to justify its overall runtime, a real problem considering we're talking about all of eight hours in this case,' suggested the News-Herald. 'It’s a mild comedy and a tepid adrenalin shot. Leaning into satire might have saved it,' added The Age. 'From the moment [Schwarzenegger] sips a beer from a decorated stein the real plot becomes clear: it is for him/this to be merely understandable in sixty eight languages, like every one of those other glossy, meaningless international spy/criminal shows,' wrote The Times. Sometimes, however, the shortest reviews are the most telling and the funniest. In this case, an award of some kind should go to the Beverly Hills Courier's Neely Swanson who said: 'FUBAR is definitely FUBAR.' Why use eight hundred words, dear blog reader, when four sarcastic ones will do?
Cancelled in 2019 after five, genuinely torturous, series ITV2's Plebs was, frankly, about as funny as my Biggus Dickus. The one-off 'finale', Soldiers Of Rome was broadcast on 8 December 2022 and was an early reminder that winter is, by far, the cruellest season. Hoping to win respect, romance and discounts at participating restaurants, Marcus, Grumio, Jason and Aurelius sign up to the army during peace time just as war is declared and they are sent to fight on the front line. Unsurprisingly they don't return as conquering heroes or cover themselves in glory. Less than three hundred thousand gullible citizens watched this circus most of whom, one images, were bellowing Romani ite domum at the screen. 'Don't expect a blaze of glory,' the director Sam Leifer told the Independent during production. We didn't. And it wasn't.
'It's like MasterChef .... with chainsaws' according to a shouty man on the Sky trailers concerning this Canadian import, 'the ultimate chainsaw carving competition series with challenges on artistry, stamina and skills.' Okay, fair enough but who the Hell wants to watch MasterChef with chainsaws? What next, Sky, The Great British Bake Off with bazookas? The Repair Shop with shootahs? Wheelers Dealers with tanks? Actually, come to think of it, the latter's not a bad idea. Any networks out there interested, you can have the rights to that one for nothing.
A dating show that began on ITV in September, presented by Davina McCall. The series followed a group of middle-aged single parents as they headed to a 'romance retreat' in Sussex for 'a second chance at love.' Which, unbeknownst to them, was being overseen by their adult children. A feeble idea for a series in the first place, it was described by the Gruniad Morning Star as 'hilarious' and 'excruciating' adding that 'unlike the usual contestants [on Love Island] these people have real stories, real baggage and real emotions.' The Times strongly criticised the series, noting that the reviewer would 'sooner eat [their] own liver than have [their] children spying on [their] pitiful attempts at flirting or snogging.' They also suggested that there was too much focus on the children's opinions. The Independent argued that the show's producers appeared to have 'mistaken the middle-aged contestants for helpless geriatrics who can no longer be trusted to boil a kettle, let alone make decisions about who they'd like to date.' The Daily Scum Mail took great delight in reporting that the series only drew one-and-a-half million overnight viewers for its launch episode 'as fans slam ITV show's "insulting Big Brother style" twist,' whilst the Evening Chronicle added that ITV was facing a 'backlash' from viewers 'over choice of contestants.' They added that 'while My Mum, Your Dad did get some praise from ITV viewers over its soundtrack, as classics by the likes of Toto, Cyndi Lauper and Crowded House played throughout the episode, the biggest criticism was over a lack of "normal" people in the show's line-up.' As if that is a unique occurrence on this type of programme.
'Our lofty aim ... is to explore the prison system and try to show - in the most realistic way possible - what it is really like to be locked up in a UK Prison to privileged people who know very little about jail,' claimed Channel 4 in pre-publicity for this format. 'Once banged up, the VIP inmates would be able to interrogate their ex-criminal cellmates on their prison experiences and crimes - as well as examine the impact the system had on them.' Laudable enough sentiments, one supposed but, as with all of these 'life-swap TV' ideas, it was ultimately doomed to failure and, not an unreasonable amount of ridicule. As previously noted, several times, on this blog - most recently in relation to 2020's risible Rich Kids Go Skint - most years From The North's annual 'Worst Of' lists seem to include at least one example of this strand of factual telly which is, seemingly, beloved by executives and producers who can't afford an original idea. In which someone from a particular lifestyle is given the opportunity - for a brief time and, presumably, for plenty of money - to experience 'how the other half lives.' This has led to such gross disasters as 2009's offensive horror The Duchess On The Estate, the same year's crass, ignorant Mel B vehicle Seven Days On The Breadline and 2011's genuine curiosity Geordie Finishing School For Girls among many others. Quite why executives and producers love this type of programme is unknown since very few of them ever get any sort of audience to speak of. Largely because viewers can usually spot a pile of hypocritical diarrhoea a mile away. Any hint of realpolitik aside, it's possibly because such shows appear to be relatively cheap to make. Most of these formats involve a process known as 'poverty tourism' - as with 2019's wretched The British Tribe Next Door, for instance. In which people from, let's be charitable and say 'fortunate' backgrounds pretend to be stinking dirt-poor for a week in a living embodiment of the lyrics of Pulp's 'Common People'. Thus, in this particular lousy, calamitous fiasco, 'seven famous faces' agreed to serve (a short amount of) bird alongside ex-convicts at HMP Shrewsbury, a genuine decommissioned prison. Well, five not-particularly famous faces, Sid Owen and some bloke off Gogglebox if we're being honest, here. A couple of Tory MPs (one former), the truly odious Peter Hitchins of the Scum Mail On Sunday and ... a couple of other people you've never heard of also featured. The Gruniad Morning Star loved it - although one suspects that was, at least in part, the sheer joy of seeing Horrible Hitchins getting all nervous about being assaulted in the showers by Mister Big, who's 'in' with the warders. And, they had a point, to be fair. 'Channel 4 viewers have hailed Banged Up as "one of the best documentaries this year", but some needed to "bleach their eyes" after watching the first episode,' claimed Entertainment Daily. 'John Mercer is a British politician and former British Army officer. He has served as Minister of State for Veterans' Affairs since October 2022. During episode one, he seemed to be permanently sucking a vape and liberally dropped the F-bomb into every other sentence. But there was one particular scene which left viewers gagging into their Earl Grey. Within minutes, the MP was seen smoking contraband tobacco that had been up someone's bum!' It seems that a second series was commissioned before the first had even been shown. The Daily Scum Mail claimed that disgraced and disgraceful former Health Secretary Matt Hancock had been approached to take part but declined. Given that he'd already been sent down for stint in The Joint with Chris Moyles and Seann Walsh on I'm A Z-List Former Celebrity Desperate To Get My Boat-Race Back On TV ... Please Vote For Me To Stay Here As Long As Possible (I'll Even Eat Worms If You Want) he probably felt (wrongly) that he'd more than served his debt to society. Despite being quite well-regarded by several media organs, this blogger felt this entire exercise was somewhat pointless and, as with all life-swap TV experiments, very patronising. Though, admittedly, the sight of former MP Neil Parish (whom dear blog readers may remember resigned after being caught watching porn in the Commons on his phone whilst claiming, that he was 'looking for tractors') being forced to, in the words of the Independent, 'strip, squat and go behind bars.' Admittedly, that was funny.
'The Rugby World Cup is on, so it is natural for telly to look back to 2003, when England won the trophy. What sort of light-factual series would be a good commemoration? Fortunately, a relevant bandwagon is already rolling,' suggested the Gruniad. 'Recently, Andrew Flintoff has taught underprivileged kids cricket on the BBC and David Beckham has rescued a youth football team for Disney. So, here was Grand Slammers on ITV, a two-parter in which a gang of World Cup winners teach rugby to prison inmates. An easy commission - but ITV may not have ended up with quite the show it expected.' Yes, dear blog reader, you wait ages for a prison-based celebrity reality series to arrive and then two come along almost at once. 'Tonight, there's gonna be a jailbreak somewhere in this town,' as Thin Lizzy once said. The jail, one imagines. Near unique in being one of the few TV shows ever to get reviewed in Rugby World, Grand Slammers 'started slowly' according Broadcast, pulling in an overnight audience of less than but seven hundred thousand punters for its opening episode. The Scum Mail, of course, got fascinated due to Mike Tindall's royal connections; nobody else seemed to even notice the thing had been on. Apart from the Hertfordshire Mercury. 'Programmes of this type usually have a self-imposed time limit, to inject some jeopardy. But, in this case, the prison had only given the film-makers five weeks' access,' said the Torygraph. 'Five weeks to fashion a team from a ramshackle bunch with no knowledge of the game is not very long.' Oh, I don't know - watching the two episodes seemed an awfully long time to this blogger.
There is an - almost certainly apocryphal - story that one night, around 1973, a waiter was delivering champagne and caviar to George Best's hotel room, only to be confronted by the sight of thousands of pounds of casino winnings and the current Miss World lying on the bed next to Bestie, covered only by a fur coat. Legend has it that the man looked at the Manchester United icon, looked at the money, looked at the woman and then said "Georgie, can I ask you a question? Where did it all go wrong?' Which brings us, nicely, to Survivor. 'Anyone expecting a polite, apologetic version of Survivor will be completely surprised,' the Executive Producer behind the BBC's disastrous rebooted reality series claimed. Speaking to Deadline a few days prior to launch in late October, Paul Osborne (so, it's his fault) argued that Survivor's producers have 'leaned into high-production values and high-stakes gameplay 'in a similar vein to the US team behind the EMMY-winning CBS smash. That optimism lasted just long enough until the reviews and the ratings for the opening episode arrived. Then, it was effing carnage. 'Do we really need another formulaic eviction marathon?' whinged the Torygraph. You'd expect such sentiments from that particular media organ, of course. But when you're a pathetic reality TV show and Gary Bullshit in the Daily Lies is having a go as you ('Survivor is predictable - we need new Only Fools & Horses not reality re-runs') you know you're in trouble. 'Survivor's future on the BBC looks uncertain even though just two episodes have aired, according to new data' claimed the - hardly impartial - thuggish right-wing filth at GB News. It was suggested that BBC executives had 'been in crisis talks' due to the underwhelming reception Survivor received. Despite having a lead-in of around seven million Strictly Come Dancing viewers, Survivor's opening episode only managed to attract an average of 2.6 million overnight punter. The second episode the following evening, which the BBC had moved Planet Earth III in the schedule for, attracted a reported live audience of but two million - less than a repeat of Antiques Roadshow on BBC2 at the same time. However, the BBC said they were 'reserving judgement' and an alleged - though, suspiciously anonymous and, therefore, almost certainly fictitious - 'source' allegedly told the Daily Scum Express: 'In a world of on-demand viewing, programmes are not judged on overnight performance alone and iPlayer figures are still to come.' Nevertheless, there was said to be genuine anger within the BBC that successful Saturday and Sunday night schedules had been 'messed about with' to accommodate a twenty year old TV format, fronted by worthless numpty Joel Dommett (see above) and, previously, broadcast on the Beeb's commercial rival, ITV. Where, at least, it's crass populism made a kind of sense. An alleged - though, suspiciously anonymous and, therefore, almost certainly fictitious - 'insider' allegedly told the Daily Scum Mail: 'It's crazy. BBC1 had a winning Saturday and Sunday night schedule that would have seen it safely through to Christmas - and the panicking bosses just ripped it up to make room for a show that cost so much of licence-payers' money that they could not afford for it to flop. They even moved Sir David Attenborough from his traditional 8pm slot. It is terrible news for the BBC, it is an absolute disaster. It cost a fortune and it is just not appealing to the masses - conversations are now taking place as to what can be done to turn things around, quickly.' The paper also, inevitably, found a few people whinging on social media that they found the new series 'dull' and 'boring' and 'lambasted' the production company, Banijay. 'As a huge Survivor fan, I'm gutted the Beeb has got this series so wrong,' wrote Entertainment Daily's Helen Fear. 'Host Joel Dommett is just wrong for this show. He needs to drop the dad jokes and the awful puns. Where's the tension?' 'What did these whingeing contestants expect? A lovely trip to Center Parcs [sic]?' added the Gruniad. At the time of writing the BBC say they have yet to make any decision on whether the series will return and, in a way, one would rather like it to do that just to prove GB News, the Daily Scum Express and the Daily Scum Mail wrong. But in another, far more rational, way - as a licence fee payer who'd rather this hard earned sickness benefits weren't spent on this abject bollocks - the question needs to be asked. Where did it all go wrong?
It's Jacob Rees-Mogg on GB News. Need one say more?
The second series of this truly risible vehicle for Mackem 'entrepreneur and reality TV personality', former Geordie Shore-type individual Charlotte Crosby was every bit as annoying and worthless as the first. It is, however, comforting to know that in this ever-changing world in which we live in (that line doesn't make sense, incidentally, Sir Paul), some things remain reliably wretched. Surely, even the patrons at The Stadium Of Shite wouldn't be seen dead watching this nonsense? If I'm A Z-List Former Celebrity Desperate To Get My Boat-Race Back On TV ... Please Vote For Me To Stay Here As Long As Possible (I'll Even Eat Worms If You Want) represents the top four of the Premier League in terms of reality TV formats then this ... thing, like a small Wearside association football club, is stuck mid-table in The Championship and going nowehere, fast.
This blogger watched an episode of BBC Three's That's My Jam expecting, as the title had suggested, that it would be all about From The North favourite Paul Weller's 1970s Mod/Power-Pop trio and all of the bangin' tunes they had hits with. But, it wasn't. And, as a consequence, this blogger was really cross and discombobulated. Note: It didn't have anything to do with Robertson's either (other jams and marmalades are available). So, clearly, the Office Of Fair Trading needs to have a look at this programme under the 1972 Trades Description's Act. Just sayin'.
From The North's Award For The Most Ludicrous & Insulting TV News Moment Of The Year -
This occurred in October when Sky News anchor Mark Austin, who was on the ground in Jerusalem, abruptly stopped the broadcaster's rolling coverage of the Israel-Hamas conflict to report on what was, clearly, a much more important piece of breaking news, the announcement of Holly Willoughby's departure from This Morning. The fact that Austin, a genuinely respected TV journalist, didn't look even slightly embarrassed as he did this was what made it art. Long-term From The North dear blog readers may recall the Mark Kermodian-style rant this blogger did in 2019 regarding The Jeremy Kyle Show and how that abomination trivialised and tabloidised everyone and everything it touched, including its audience. Well, as an example of the frequently crass tabloid trivialisation of much (though, thankfully, not all) news coverage on British television in the Twenty First Century, this abomination was worthy of and yet, at the same time, beyond parody. An online suggestion that the next general erection will take place live from the I'm A Z-List Former Celebrity Desperate To Get My Boat-Race Back On TV ... Please Vote For Me To Stay Here As Long As Possible (I'll Even Eat Worms If You Want) jungle with a public text vote on whether That Awful Braverman Woman will be forced to take a dip in the gunk tank to retain her seat in the Commons cannot, at this time, be entirely ruled out. Especially if someone from Sky News read that and thought, 'you know what, that's actually not a bad idea.' We live in sorrowful times, dear blog reader.
From The North's Award For The Most Disgraceful GB News Moment Of The Year (And, There Were Many) -
From lots and lots of potential winners of this cruel and catastrophic category, the events of 26 September pretty much kicked all of the opposition into the bin. Appearing on that evening's edition of Tonight With Dan Wootton, notorious heedbanging nut-job Laurence Fox asked 'what self-respecting man' would 'climb into bed' with the journalist and political commentator Ava Evans. Both Fox and Wootton (remember the latter from the disgraced and disgraceful Scum of the World where he was 'showbusiness editor') were immediately suspended by the scummy right-wing broadcaster over this heinous, misogynistic sexist gittery. Ofcom launched an investigation after receiving over eight thousand complaints, while the Daily Scum Mail terminated its contract with Wootton, who wrote a twice-weekly column for them with instant effect. (Wootton's Scum Mail column had, previously, been paused anyway regarding 'a series of allegations' relating to other matters entirely.) GB News's CEO, Angelos Frangopoulo, told the BBC that Fox's comments about Evans were 'way past the limits of acceptance' (no shit?) Fox grovelingly apologised for his asinine comments two days later, describing them as 'demeaning' and 'not representative of who I am.' When, in fact, anyone who's heard just about anything Fox has had to say on near enough any subject over the last few years (since Billie left him and he went completely off the deep end) may well feel that these comments represent exactly whom Laurence Fox is. To think, he used to be a From The North favourite when he was so good in Lewis. Then again, so was Morrissey before he, too, went mental. Calvin Robinson, who presented a religious affairs programme for GB News, became the third presenter in three days to be suspended by the channel after throwing himself on his own sword when voicing his support for Wootton online. Robinson blustered that 'if he falls, we all fall.' Needless to say, within a week, they all did, indeed, fall. The channel also confirmed the investigation into Wootton was 'still ongoing' (and, at the time of writing, it remains so). In response, Fox whinged: 'GB News had one opportunity and that opportunity was to stand up and defend free speech, which they haven't done, so I think now as they brand themselves the home of free speech, they're actually the home of cancel culture.' His contrition, shame and sorrow for his offensive 'not who I am' comments having lasted all of six days, it would appear. Meanwhile, reports surfaced that GB News was employing 'at least five people' who had previously faced allegations of sexual impropriety, including one accused of rape. Soon afterwards, the Welsh Conservative leader Andrew RT Davies appeared on Nigel Farage's GB News programme, later facing criticism from a senior Welsh Government minister for 'appalling misogyny' when suggesting that Senedd Convenor Elin Jones was too 'busy doing her hair' to appear on the programme. Then, two days later, GB News announced that they had hired now extremely former Prime Minister Sacked Bashing Boris to present a series 'showcasing the power of Britain around the world.' The channel has been found to have breached Ofcom's standards on several occasions and, as of August 2023, was the subject of seven ongoing investigations into its compliance with Ofcom's due impartiality rules. In November, Ofcom chairman Michael Grade told the BBC that the regulator did not 'want to be in the business of telling broadcasters, licensees, who they can [and] who they can't employ.' Which very much begs the question of what, exactly, Ofcom (a politically-appointed quango, elected by no one) is for, if not to do exactly that. In the same week, former Channel 4 journalist Michael Crick spoke to former From The North favourite and now, absurd conspiracist loon Scottish Neil Oliver (and his lovely hair), discussing freedom of speech. During his appearance, Crick said that Ofcom should regulate GB News for being politically biased, adding: 'I've been fighting bias in television for a very long time and it's one of the reasons I left Channel 4 News, because I thought it was left-wing biased. I think Ofcom, which is one of the weakest institutions on the planet, should get a grip on you lot. It's absurd that you have Tory MP, after Tory MP, after Tory MP, two leaders of the Brexit Party [as hosts] and hardly any Labour MPs - you are a right-wing channel and the rules in this country are very clear.' Crick was then, reportedly, 'abruptly removed' from the studio, as the channel went to an advert break. When the show returned, Oliver said that he was 'very disappointed about the sequence of events that just unfolded. The last thing I want to see during a conversation between grown-ups about censorship is that conversation being brought abruptly to a close by others. That's the situation in which I find myself, I don't stand by censorship.' In a later discussion, Oliver characterised the situation as 'a discussion about censorship being censored.' Oh, the dramatic irony. GB News - the, self-styled, 'home of free speech' (unless it's free speech that they disagree with of course, in which case, nah, not so much). Crick later described GB News as a 'right-wing propaganda channel.' Yes, Michael, we've all noticed.
From The North's Award For The Most Sickeningly Sycophantic TV Interview Of The Year -
ITV broadcast Harry: The Interview, a distressingly inept ninety five-minute slurpfest on 8 January in which the Ginger Ninja talked to a fawning Tom Bradby ahead of the release of his autobiography, Spare, two days later. According to Deadline, the programme was watched by an average audience of 4.1 million who didn't have anything better to do with their time. But, it was, very satisfyingly, beaten in the overnight ratings by episode two of the third series of Happy Valley on BBC1 (see above), which drew a live audience of 5.2 million. Critical reaction to Harry: The Interview was, of course, entirely based on certain agendas being pushed by particular media organs. But, overall, the general consensus was 'what a right load of old effing toot!' Julie Burchill wrote in The Spectator: 'Though Harry talks a lot about "growth", this was a portrait of a lost young man for whom the getting of wisdom is about as likely as Meghan serving up a Full English ... for breakfast.' The Independent's reviewer was sympathetic towards Harry and his wife's alleged grievances concerning the press, but believed they do not 'appear to understand how the media works' adding: 'They seem to think the House of Windsor rules rather than reigns. They are wrong in claiming that the rest of the family and the Buckingham Palace staff have ever been in any position to do anything about the media, or indeed, to answer Harry's charge more directly, to control any leaking from various royal households.' The same newspaper also described it as 'Prince Harry's latest primetime moan' and that Bradby does not 'leave a boot unlicked... It is a level of sycophancy typical of a product that is stage-managed and unchallenging from start to finish.' The Grunad Morning Star stopped inches short of crying 'Viva The Revolution! But first, vegan quiche' finding Harold 'charming' and 'articulate' and predicted that 'his story will appeal to the younger demographic.' Well, so does Teletubbies, your point being ...? The Times was one of several newspapers that questioned exactly what the purpose of the interview was and wondered 'when this whingeing will stop? Okay, we heard him say repeatedly that he wants "accountability", whatever that means, but what's the endgame in hanging all this dirty family washing on the line? Revenge? Reconciliation? Your own regular slot on Loose Women?' Unsurprisingly, in the Torygraph, That Awful Singh Woman argued that despite Harry's claims of being in 'a good headspace' he came over as 'furious, defensive and just plain sad.' Two months later, an episode of South Park would, brilliantly, parody Harry ('royal prince, millionaire, world traveller, victim') and his wife ('sorority girl, actress, influencer, victim') and their claims that they wish for 'privacy' whilst accepting any TV interview they can get (so long as they get the right to the final edit before transmission). In response to Harry's claim that he and his missus had not accused his family of racism during their interview with Oprah Winfrey the previous year and it was the press who had created that narrative, Good Morning Britain host Richard Madeley criticised the couple for allowing the press to run with the story and not correcting it. Still, for all that, Harry: The Interview wasn't anywhere near the twenty four carat telly car-crash that Hazza's Uncle Andy suffered in 2019, so one imagines he and Meghan are taking that as a win.
From The North's TV Curiosity Of The Year -
The Coronation Of King Charles III.
From The North's coverage of the death of the late Queen last year, hopefully, established the blogger's 'I can take 'em or leave 'em, frankly' attitude towards royalty. Except for Prince Andrew, obviously. He's a fucker. Therefore, with Mad Frankie Boyle's Channel 4 documentary Farewell To The Monarchy (which was actually far more balanced than this blogger expected even if, as the Gruniad noted, Mad Frankie looks to have blown his chance of an OBE any time soon) fresh in the mind it was time for twelve hours of televised bling. 'Immaculately rehearsed, touching and Shakespearean' wrote Michael Billington in the Gruniad. 'All-access coverage captures [the] grandeur - but Republicanism nowhere to be seen,' added National World. Which was hardly surprising - I mean, few Luddites were ever invited to a 'bring your own sabot' Machine-Smashing party for all the family at the local factory back in the day. As this blogger noted when watching one of 2022's 'TV Curiosities Of The Year', The Proclamation Of The King, this blogger recalled something said shortly after That Awful Thatcher Woman's funeral took place at Westminster Abbey in 2013. A lot of people - this blogger very much included - were being rather arch, cynical and sneering about the somewhat Over-The-Top pomp and ceremony involved in that particular event. But, on that week's episode of Have I Got News For You, the King of the Cynics, Ian Hislop, said something which really struck Keith Telly Topping. Hizza noted that 'ceremony' and 'tradition' are both things that we actually do really well in Britain. We've got all these beautiful buildings and people with spectacular uniforms and daft titles (Gold Stick In Waiting, et cetera) and, it's stupid not to use them once in a while. So, for the first televised Coronation since 1953 (and, only the second ever), we got the full chocolate cake with fancy decorations. Especially as it was in colour this time around. The BBC provided the sole feed in Ultra-High-Definition. Overall, the Beeb used seven outside broadcast trucks and over one hundred cameras. They also suspended the licence fee for the weekend so that venues could screen the Coronation and the Coronation concert the following day, without needing to buy a television licence. Meaning, one didn't have to pay to watch Olly Murs, which was a blessing. The Coronation ceremony itself was viewed by an average television audience of 18.8 million across eleven channels, with a peak audience of 20.4 million, making it - by a distance - the most-watched broadcast of the year. The BBC showed the event simultaneously on BBC1, BBC2 and the BBC News Channel and its peak audience of 15.5 million was the largest for any broadcaster. As usual when it goes head-to-head with the BBC at a major event (the World Cup, for example), ITV got its arse well and truly kicked in the ratings, with but three million viewers. Plus points: It was a significant technical achievement for the BBC. Lots of people watched it and, seemingly, rather enjoyed it. The ludicrous suggestion that viewers at home should 'join in' with the Oath of Allegiance was quite brilliantly parodied by From The North favourite Simon Mayo who countered that, instead, we should all do the oath from School Of Rock ('I pledge allegiance to the band of Mister Schneebly and will not fight him for creative con-trowle!') And, of course, King Chas finally got to sit on his old mum's throne after all those years. Good things, it would seem, really do come to he who waits. On the minus side: It cost a shitload of money that could probably have been better spent helping the poorest in this country with the current cost of living crisis. Anyone who even looked like they were going to (peacefully) protest in the vicinity of the Abbey got their collars felt by Old Bill in an avalanche of the most furiously over-zealous policing since ... the last time The Met were furiously over-zealous. And, perhaps most importantly, about two-thirds of the country displayed a noteworthy apathy and didn't bother watching any of it. Not because they felt particularly strongly about any aspect of the monarchy's role (or lack of it) in modern society. More because they simply had better things to do with their time.
