Another From The North bloggerisationisms update arriveth, dearest blog reader. A process which has not, exactly, been aided by The Stately Telly Topping Manor Plague House laptop suddenly developing a serious go-slow attitude this last week. Something that this blogger found to be both annoying and annoying. Never mind, this blogger managed, eventually, to get the latest update written. And, here it is.
The whole slow laptop thing was also sorted out, incidentally, with the running of a - probably long-overdue - 'system restore' programme and the clearing of some accumulated junk and unused files. And now, dear blog reader, you'll all no doubt be happy to know, it's running ... a bit less slowly than it was.
Three utterly insignificant 'I will not celebrate meaningless milestones' moments occurred here at From The North last Thursday afternoon, it should - at least - be acknowledged in case anyone is slightly interested. Unlikely, it must be freely admitted, but nevertheless, this blogger makes the observation so no one else has to. This blogger will add that he does wonder how many of those now eleven million plus page hits From The North has received since records began were from dear (potential) blog readers wandering into the gaff by accident whilst surfing the Interweb for porn? Don't shout out all at once, please.
Exactly fifty nine years ago last Wednesday evening (23 November), the single greatest TV format in the history of the medium (bar, like, none) began. But, enough about The Chars starring Elsie and Doris Waters, much has already been said and written. There was also some old toot about a mad man in a box which started that night, apparently. One wonders whatever happened to that.
When William Russell made his delightful, surprise appearance at the end of The Power Of The Doctor last month, this blogger said that he believed the appearance of Ian Chesterton fifty seven years, one hundred and twenty days since his last Doctor Who appearances (26 June 1965 to 23 October 2022) was almost certainly a record for the longest gap between appearances of an actor playing the same role in a TV series. This has, indeed, now been confirmed. As this piece on the Guinness World Records website (seemingly written by a five year old, in crayon) makes clear. What Guinness doesn't say is whose record Our William broke. In fact, the record was officially previously held by the great Philip Lowrie (Dennis Tanner in Coronation Street) at forty two years, three hundred and forty five days - 12 June 1968 to 12 May 2011. Although, in fact, Philip's record had already been broken by another Doctor Who actor, Ysanne Churchman as the voice of Alpha Centuri (The Monster Of Peladon to Empress Of Mars - 27 April 1974 to 10 June 2017, forty three years and forty four days). Which, it would seem, nobody at Guinness even noticed! Prior to Phil Lowrie, the record had been held by another Corrie legend, From The North favourite Kenneth Cope as Jed Stone (28 September 1966 to 8 August 2008, forty one years, three hundred and fourteen days).
Congratulations are considerably due to the Daily Mirra's Zoe Delaney who even managed to arse-up her reporting of that good news story. Jolly well done, Zoe. Maybe you might want to think about sticking to covering something like I'm A Z-List Former Celebrity Desperate To Get My Boat-Race Back On TV ... Please Vote For Me To Stay Here As Long As Possible (I'll Even Eat Worms If You Want). That would seems to be more in your sphere. Does anyone else remember when the Mirra used to include some of the most accurate reportage in the UK media? Yes, of course, it was when they used to hack phones for their stories, wasn't it?
The latest shitehawk Doctor Who tabloid 'exclusive' is the Daily Scum Mail's 'Rock The Chop': New Doctor Who Companion Millie Gibson Undergoes Transformation By Cutting Her Hair Into A Chic Bob. Trees died to bring you this information, dear blog reader. Though the new 'do' does, admittedly, make Our Millie look rather luscious and pouting.
Doctor Who spin-offs starring the popular, long-running BBC family SF drama's most legendary villains are, reportedly, 'in the works' as part of its international expansion in partnership with Disney+. Mind you, this is according to the good old Daily Mirra. So, presumably, they will be facing-off against the two Doctors whom the Mirra personally cast, Kris Marshall and Hugh Grant. The Mirra claims that Russell Davies is planning 'a number of supplementary shows,' which would build out the Doctor Who universe in, according to Radio Times (which, like the Mirra used to be written by adults) 'a similar manner to what Marvel has done.' Since the BBC forged a deal with Disney to distribute the British institution around the world, there have been constant rumours that Doctor Who's production budget could increase quite substantially due to the influx of Disney coin. An alleged - though suspiciously anonymous and, therefore, almost certainly fictitious - 'source' allegedly told the Mirra: 'Fans can expect to see Sontarans, Weeping Angels and Sea Devils in separate series showing what they get up to when The Doctor isn't there to stop them, along with Daleks and Cybermen.' Speaking in exactly that tabloidesque 'real people don't talk that way' style we know so well. 'The BBC declined to comment when approached by Radio Times,' concluded the RT piece. Presumably, because the BBC, like this blogger, are shocked and appalled at the lack of adults working there.
The BBC, meanwhile, has released a new image of national heartthrob David Tennant as The Doctor in a familiar but - slightly different - outfit. The suit and jacket are somewhat smarter than in his previous Doctor days, but he's only done one button up this time.
The Sandman producer Allan Heinberg had had plenty to tease about the recently confirmed second series of From The North's favourite TV show of 2022 by a country mile. 'I love having cast a lot of these characters already, but obviously we've got Norse Gods to cast and Egyptian Gods to cast,' he told Entertainment Weekly in August when anticipating that Netflix would renew the series. 'We've got new demons and we've got some returning demons, so it's a party. It's a very ambitious season.' He revealed that series two of the acclaimed fantasy drama adaptation will cover the fourth volume of The Sandman comics, Season Of Mists - a storyline that the final moments in the first series' finale certainly set up. 'The end of episode one, if we move forward, is Dream saying to Matthew, "I'm going to Hell and I may not come back,"' Allan said. 'So then episode two begins with the rematch between Dream and Lucifer. It's so juicy! I'm so looking forward to doing something entirely different with Gwendoline's look. I don't want to spoil the surprises for people who haven't read Season Of Mists, but that's where Dream's trouble really begins.' In an interview with Variety, Neil Gaiman also expressed his excitement over the rematch between the ruler of Hell and the King of Dreams. 'I take too much ... pleasure in saying to people who do not know anything about what's coming up in The Sandman, if we do season two, we're going to be having the rematch and Morpheus is going to be going back to Hell. And Lucifer has some surprises in store that Morpheus is not expecting,' he said to the publication. 'And they are all like, "Ahh!" And I'm, like, "Yeah and I know how that's going to work and you don't. And everybody who's ever read Season Of Mists knows how that's going to work and you don't." But that's good because not everybody will have read Season Of Mists and this is going to be so much fun.'
All of which leads us to Memorably Daft Lines from Blockbuster War & Espionage Movies of the 1960s and 70s: Number Seventy Eight: Robert De Niro: 'I'll tell ya one thing, if I find out my life had to end up being in the mountains, it'd be all right, but it has to be in your mind.' Christopher Walken: 'What? One shot?' Robert De Niro: 'Two is pussy!' The Deer Hunter.
Memorably Daft Lines from Blockbuster War & Espionage Movies of the 1960s and 70s: Number Seventy Nine: Hans Christian Blech: 'This new command is an illusion. Give it up.' Robert Shaw: 'I am Martin Hessler. Four years ago, my panzers overran Poland in one week, that was no illusion. In thirty nine days, my tanks smashed all the way to Paris, that was no illusion. I conquered the Crimea, that was no illusion. Today, I was given a brigade of Tiger tanks. When I have a brigade of tanks, that is reality.' Battle Of The Bulge.
Memorably Daft Lines from Blockbuster War & Espionage Movies of the 1960s and 70s: Number Eighty: A blacked-up Laurence Olivier: 'I should prefer, Gordon Pasha, that you leave Khartoum now. You are not my enemy. Why should your blood sweeten the Nile?' Khartoum. Hell, those were very differen times, dear blog reader.
Memorably Daft Lines from Blockbuster War & Espionage Movies of the 1960s and 70s (or, In This Case, 1955): Number Eighty One: Basil Appleby: 'Bomb-aiming is another headache, sir. The ordinary bombsight isn't accurate enough at such a low level. And you want the aircraft to drop their bombs dead on the same spot, one after another?' Michael Redgrave: 'Yes, within a few feet.' Richard Todd: 'We'll look after our headaches and leave you to look after yours!' The Dam Busters.
Admit it, dear blog reader, you're all singing this right now, aren't you? And rushing around the front room with your arms out pretending to be a Lancaster? It's okay, you're amongst fiends here. We don't judge.
Followed, inevitably, by Memorably Daft Double-Entendres In Episodes Of Doctor Whom (1963-2022). Number Eleven: Proof, from The Gunfighters, that the alleged Russell Davies Doctor Whom Gay Agenda did not start in 2005, it had been there for a jolly long time. Allegedly.
Memorably Daft Double-Entendres In Episodes Of Doctor Whom (1963-2022). Number Twelve: Revenge Of The Cybermen.
Memorably Daft Double-Entendres In Episodes Of Doctor Whom (1963-2022). Number Thirteen: Castrovalva.
Memorably Daft Double-Entendres In Episodes Of Doctor Whom (1963-2022). Number Fourteen: The Armageddon Factor.
Memorably Daft Double-Entendres In Episodes Of Doctor Whom (1963-2022). Number Fifteen: The Smugglers.
Which bring us, with the tragic inevitability of the tragically inevitable, to the part of From The North dedicated to this blogger's on-going medical malarkey. Or, strictly speaking malarkeys. For those dear blog readers who haven't been following this on-going fiasco which appears to have been on-going longer than FIFA's cowardly appeasement of fascists and dictators, it goes like this: Keith Telly Topping spent some weeks around New Year feeling rotten; experienced five days in hospital; was discharged; received B12 injections; then more injections; somewhat recovered his missing appetite; got an initial diagnosis; had a consultant's meeting; continued to suffer fatigue and insomnia; endured a second endoscopy; had another consultation; got (unrelated) toothache; had an extraction; which took ages to heal; had another consultation; spent a week where nothing remotely health-related occurred; was given further B-12 injections; had an echocardiogram; received more blood extractions; made another hospital visit; saw the insomnia and torpor continue; received yet more blood tests; had a rearranged appointment for his sick note; suffered his worst period yet with the fatigue. Until the following week. And, then the week after that. Oh, the fatigue, dear blog reader. The depressing, ceaseless fatigue. He had a go on the Blood-Letting Machine; got another sickie; had an assessment; was given his fourth COVID jab; got some surprising news related to his assessment; had the results of his annual diabetes check-up; had another really bad week with the fatigue and with the sciatica. And with the chronic insomnia.
Last Friday saw this blogger back down at the local medical centre for his latest quarterly dose of B-12 prickage. And, as usual dear blog reader, it hurt like Jimbuggery.
According to the BBC Weather page it was going to lash it down like The Flood on Wednesday and Thursday of last week (which, indeed, it jolly well did) so, this blogger decided, despite not feeling particularly well on Tuesday morning (the usual, sad to report) to get the weekly shopping out of the way forthwith. He was, ultimately, glad that he did, as by the time he got back to The Stately Telly Topping Manor Plague House he was pure-dead knackered but, at least, with the rest of that day and the next two to get his very self pulled together. Needless to say Keith Telly Topping really deserved a three-sausage Breakfast At Morrisons after he'd bought what he needed to. Along with a nice cup of Rosie, a sit down and a read of the Metro (not a real newspaper). Luxury.
On the way to the tills this blogger spotted a pair of quilted pyjamas on sale at but half-price. Almost certainly due to the ghastly tartan/checked design of them, let it be noted. Nevertheless, Keith Telly Topping has been on the look out for some Jimjams for a while as winter is very much a-comin'. And, for six quid, he thought to his very self 'Keith Telly Topping' he thought, 'you're only going to be wearing these in bed and therefore the only people that'll be seeing them is, well, you (plus all your Facebook fiends and dear blog readers when you post a picture of them online. As you're going to!') So, this blogger bought them. And, in the event that this blogger is going to bed one night and find someone else already in his Stately Telly Topping Manor Plague House pit then, of course, he will wear something different. And, calling the police, probably.
So, the World Cup, dear blog reader. You might have heard about it. What did we, collectively, learn from the first week of the tournament, apart from the fact that FIFA are a bunch of cowardly appeasers of fascists and dictators (which we all knew anyway)? And, that in what appears to be the most ridiculous example of an empty gesture in the history of empty gestures, some Gruniad Morning Star readers are, apparently 'boycotting' watching the World Cup on telly in protest at the Qatari regime and FIFA. Well that, no doubt, will really show them what's what. Please do let us all know how the boycott's going and what you think a few hundred Middle Class hippy Communists in Britain sitting, cross-armed and looking furious whilst pointedly not watching some games of football on the BBC or ITV is going to do to improve the situation for migrant workers and the LGBTQ community in Qatar, guys. And, also, whether you wish to receive a medal for your glorious self-sacrifice?
Inevitably, some people got somewhat carried away by one (admittedly clinically good) performance by England (against a desperately poor Iran side). As usually happens when England win one game early in the tournament, lots of people were caught blowing the dust off their World Cup wall charts and getting out a slide-rule to plot England's likely route to the final (yes, this blogger is looking at you, Sky Sports News!) Especially after Argentina got beat by Saudi Arabia and Germany lost to Japan. Of the other fancied European sides Denmark looked dreadfully lethargic in their bore-draw with Tunisia and Belgium (who seem to have all got old together) did likewise and were genuinely lucky to beat a plucky, hard-working Canada and then, lost to Morocco. So, yeah, no problem - England have obviously got this in the bag, haven't they? That's ignoring, of course, the fact that both France and Spain looked stunning whilst doing exactly what England did and giving the team likely to finish bottom of their respective groups (Australia and Costa Rica) a damned good, hard, trousers down hiding. And that Croatia and Portugal both looked pretty tasty. And that Brazil hadn't even played their first match at that stage! So, all-in-all, we learned the same as usual after the first week of any World Cup. Nobody knows nothing. Especially Gruniad Morning Star readers doing the whole 'boycotting' thing, clearly.
Sure enough, having got everyone all excited when thrashing Iran earlier in the week, England's second match was a vastly frustrating and disappointing one; a piss-poor, lethargic, second-to-every-ball, barely-able-to-string-two-passes-together performance against the USA which ended, mercifully, scoreless. England laboured in the often drab draw and missed the chance to seal an early qualification for the knockout stage. Gareth Southgate's side were second best for long periods as they failed to match the energy, intensity and high-pressing game of the US team, who retain their own hopes of making the last sixteen. England, with Harry Maguire outstanding in defence, were unimpressive and rode their luck when Weston McKennie missed an easy chance and Christian Pulisic struck the bar in the first-half. Mason Mount brought a fine save from USA goalkeeper Matt Turner just before the break but that was an undistinguished display from England which carried none of the attacking verve that saw them thrash Iran four days earlier.
Four years ago at the last World Cup (the one in Russia), this blogger's former BBC Newcastle colleague Vicki Sparks became the first woman to commentate on a World Cup game for the Beeb when she did Portugal versus Morocco. Albeit, the poor lamb had to spend the entire ninety minutes (plus injury time) stuck next to Martin Keown which is more akin to a five-stretch than a pleasurable experience. At this tournament, she was rewarded with Uruguay versus South Korea for 5Live. And she got lumbered with Clinton Morrison as her co-commentator. That's more like ten years in The Joint, frankly. Mind you, it could have been worse, on BBC1 Pien Meulensteen was lumbered with Danny Murphy. The horror.
Watching The Netherlands versus Ecuador on ITV, everything creative seemed to be going through Steven Bergwijn in the first-half. This blogger did wonder if Louis Van Gaal's pre-match team talk to his team was, basically, 'just pass to the Dutchie on the left hand side.'
The phrase 'football is nothing without fans' has become so accepted as to be cliché among some commentators. But Chinese state TV has been testing that assumption to its limit throughout the World Cup. On Monday, as Ghana beat South Korea in a thrilling clash, subtle changes to China's coverage of the match ensured viewers were not exposed to images of maskless supporters - and to a world moving on from Covid restrictions. Those watching on the BBC - and in most places around the world - will have seen their screens filled with the image of a beaming, maskless, Ghana fan celebrating excitedly as the camera zoomed in. After Mohammed Kudus fired home the winner in the sixty eighth minute, images of dancing and cheering fans - as well as shots of anxious South Korea fans - were beamed around the world. But not in China, where those watching on the state broadcaster's sports channel, CCTV Five, will have experienced these moments differently. Instead of being shown the raucous fans, Chinese viewers saw the reactions of South Korea's coach Paulo Bento and Ghana manager Otto Addo. And as the game reached its conclusion, shots of tearful South Korea supporters with their heads in their hands were conspicuously absent on the Chinese output. The change is subtle but very deliberate. As anti-lockdown protests rock and/or roll China, state TV executives have been careful to avoid beaming images of a world largely moving on from Covid-19 restrictions into citizens' homes. It is not unusual for broadcasters at major tournaments to be given the option of choosing their own camera angles and some often set a slight delay to allow the editing and selection of pictures before the public sees them. The BBC observed that there was roughly a fifty two-second delay between its own coverage of the match and CCTV Five's. But in this case, the changes appear to have come after images of maskless fans celebrating in packed stadiums stoked anger in China, where snap lockdowns and restrictions remain commonplace and controversial. Social media users in China were quick to notice this kerfufflement, with many expressing frustration at how differently the rest of the world now seems to be treating Covid.
An open letter questioning China's ongoing zero-Covid policies and asking if it was 'on the same planet' as Qatar quickly spread on messaging app WeChat last week, before being extremely censored. 'On one side of the world, there is the carnival that is the World Cup, on the other are rules not to visit public places for five days,' one user of the Weibo social media platform wrote. Even the state-backed Global Times newspaper has conceded that some fans are 'choosing to watch the games at home with their families' as many Chinese cities remain under restrictions. And, while wide angle shots showing some maskless fans are impossible to avoid completely, close-up images of supporters enjoying the action free from restrictions are unlikely to return for Chinese fans.
Meanwhile, it is an age-old truism in football that one should never, ever, do this. But, Keith Telly Topping did. Before they got a draw with Spain, admittedly.
Following the sad deaths of Nik Turner and Keith Levene mentioned in the last From The North bloggerisationism update, they say that bad news always comes in threes, dear blog reader. And, this week, we finally said goodbye to the Goddamn legend that was Wilko Johnson (albeit, a few years after we first expected to lose him). One of the most influential guitarists of his generation; the man who, in one three minute appearance on The Old Grey Whistle Test in 1975 gave Paul Weller an entire career-plan (something which Paul freely acknowledges). The man whose introduction to The Blockheads' audience on 'I Want To Be Straight' consisted of but one word. We lost a giant this week, dear blog reader.
As a side note, dear blog reader, when Ian Dury & The Blockheads' appeared on Top Of The Pops to promote 'I Want To Be Straight', they all did so dressed as Plod. It was a memorable night. What happened next became to stuff of legends. After recording, still dressed in their police uniforms, The Blockheads all jumped in the van and drove round to Wessex Studios where their mates The Clash were busy recording what eventually became Combat Rock. For a laugh, Ian, Charlie, Norman, Micky, Johnny, Davey and Wilko burst into the studio claiming this was 'a raid.' For a few seconds, Joe and co thought it genuinely was a bust by The Fuzz to such an extent that Topper Headon rushed into the studio toilets and flushed his entire (not inconsiderable) stash of H down the pan. One imagines that there may well have been some seriously addicted rats in the London sewers that evening.
Something which this blogger meant to mention in the last bloggersiationism in relation to Keith Levene, but neglected to; for this blogger, the soundscape that Keith and Jah Wobble created for PiL's Metal Box is about as good as music gets. This blogger loves the angularity of it, the denseness, the sheer off-the-wall quality. Of course, Levene's hero was, reportedly, Can's Michael Karoli so you can (s'cuse the pun) see such an influence in things like 'Death Disco', 'Careering', 'Poptones' and, especially, 'Albatross'.
Geoff Wonfor, who directed The Be-Atles' Grammy-winning Anthology documentary, has died at the age of seventy three. Geoff spent five years working on the six-part series, which was first broadcast in 1995. Born in 1948, Geoff began his TV career in his home town, Newcastle, working for Tyne Tees Television on Check It Out (including shooting thrilling live footage of The Jam at the City Hall) and All Right Now (including one of the few live TV appearances by The Clash). He then graduated to Channel 4's The Tube (also filmed at Tyne Tees studios on City Road) where he shot the first TV appearance of the, then unsigned, Frankie Goes To Hollywood. He later worked on several projects with Sir Paul McCartney (MBE) and a documentary about George Harrison (MBE)'s movie Shanghai Surprise and was the choice of all three then surviving Be-Atles (a popular beat combo of the 1960s, you might've heard of them) to handle the Anthology project. Confirming his passing, Geoff's daughter Sam said: 'He was a one-off - a huge presence with a heart to match. His warmth, humour and encyclopedic capacity for remembering jokes of all qualities ensured people who met him rarely forgot him - and that has been borne out by the wave of wonderful messages and tributes we’ve received since his passing. He loved what he did and we're so very grateful he got to continue doing it to the end.' This blogger met Geoff in 2013 when we both took part in a music and comedy event at The Stand Club on High Bridge compared by this blogger's old writing partner Alfie Joey. Keith Telly Topping can attest to Geoff's warmth and wit and especially his ability to tell stories of his work with The Be-Atles (a popular beat combo of the 1960s, you might've heard of them) without making it sound like someone casually name-dropping. In 2018, Geoff told an audience at the Newcastle Film Festival that he'd 'welled up and cried' after McCartney called to tell Geoff he was wanted for the Anthology project. 'I was at my dad's and it was Paul McCartney who rang up and he says, "Hello there, you alright? ... I was talking to a mate of yours last night." I went, "Who the Hell does he know that I know?" He says, "A little guy called George Harrison. I didn't know you'd worked with him - but then again, he didn't know you were working with me!"' He said the pair had 'talked long into the night' before McCartney told him: 'We want to do some work with the history of The Be-Atles and you're that man.' Wonfor thought he was being asked to pick one year out of the band's career. 'What should I do, 1963 or 1964?' he asked. McCartney replied: 'Don't be a twat - you're doing all of it!' As has been pointed out, The Be-Atles could have chosen any director in the world to tell their story; they went for a straight-talking Geordie, most known for his work on a cult British TV music show. They seemed to have had a knack for finding the right people at the right time. 'It's always a pleasure to look back on my time doing the Anthology,' Geoff said in 2014. 'I'm always happy to share some stories from the five years we spent making it in London. Working with The Be-Atles was a dream come true for me. I queued for days to get a ticket to see them at Newcastle City Hall in the 1960s and I don't think I'll ever get over getting [the] call from Paul.' Geoff is survived by daughters Abi and Sam and grandchildren Ami, Amba, Amaaya, Fred and Georgie.
Monkeypox will now be known as mpox, the World Health Organization has announced, after complaints over racist and stigmatising language linked to the virus's name. Monkeys, in particular, were said to be furious. AZs, indeed, were The Monkees (or, at least, the one of them still living). The old term will be used alongside the new one for a year, before being phased out. To the delight of monkeys everywhere. Mpox was decided on after lengthy discussions between experts, countries and the general public. It can easily be used in English as well as other languages, the WHO said. Human monkeypox was first identified in 1970 and named after the disease caused by the virus was discovered in captive monkeys more than a decade before. Since then, the WHO has introduced advice on naming diseases. It stresses the need to minimise unnecessary negative impact on trade, travel, tourism or animal welfare and to avoid causing offence to any cultural, social, national or ethnic groups. And, also, to try and avoid catching it - whjatever it's called - since it's, you know, pretty nasty. During the Covid pandemic, it recommended that variants were referred to using letters of the Greek alphabet because they were 'non-stigmatising' and easy to pronounce. Apart from iota, lambda, mu, nu, xi, rho, upsilon and, especially, psi. Obviously. This year, there has been unusual spread of mpox virus - a member of the same family of viruses as smallpox - in many countries outside Central and West Africa, where it is often found. In July, the WHO declared a global health emergency because of the worldwide surge in people developing symptoms, including a high fever and skin lesions or rash. Cases of the disease have been declining for several months now, but more than one hundred different countries have been affected in 2022 - prompting huge demand for vaccine supplies to protect those most at risk. The US, Brazil, Spain, France and the UK have reported the highest total number of mpox cases this year. Globally, there have been fifty deaths from the virus. Since May, the UK has reported more than three thousand five hundred cases but a rollout of vaccines to vulnerable groups helped drive down numbers following a peak in July. Most people affected were men who have The Sex with men.
And finally, dear blog reader.
