Thursday, May 30, 2013

Welcome, Stranger, To This Humble Neighbourhood

Stone cold fox Gillian Anderson has hinted at what viewers might be able to expect from series two of The Fall. The BBC2 crime thriller was officially recomissioned earlier this week, with Anderson telling Collider that the first series will end on a cliffhanger. So, that's saved you from watching the next two episodes, in that case. 'There will be another season,' she confirmed. 'A cliffhanger is always a good thing to bring people back. Unfortunately, people will just have to wait for the next season.' Gillian added that - as an executive producer - she will be 'involved' in the direction of the second series' storyline. 'I will be actively involved and put in my two cents,' said the actress. Err ... that'd be pence, Gill, you're in Britian now, love. 'At the end of the day, it comes down to Allan Cubitt and his particular genius with story and conflict. I one hundred per cent trust that, if a decision is made in a direction that's away from something that I've suggested, that it will be the right decision. I will just participate in the brainstorming and ideas, but the final decision will be made by the experts.'

The Apprentice lost out to Britain's Got Toilets in the battle of the shit TV competitions on Tuesday night, overnight data reveals. Moved from its usual Wednesday slot, the BBC1 series featuring shouty Lord Sugar-Sweetie being mean to a variety of young professionals (who, to be fair, really deserve it) lost almost nine hundred thousand viewers from the previous week, dropping to an overnight of 5.36 million punters at 9pm. BBC2's You're Fired!, however, faired better, increasing its week-on-week audience to 2.11m at 10pm. On ITV, Wee Shughie McFee, the sour-faced Scottish chef from Crossroads' Britain's Got Toilets itself shed over a million viewers for its second live semi-final but still, comfortably, won the night with 8.66m sad, crushed victims of society at 7.30pm. The results show attracted 7.13m at 9.30pm. Meanwhile, Ben Elton's tragic The Wright Way continued to limp along like a dog desperate to be put out of its misery with 1.54m at 10.45pm. On BBC2, Dan Snow's Locomotion documentary was seen by 1.40m at 7pm. Springwatch - with Chris Packham slipping yet more Clash song-titles into his pieces to camera - brought in 2.60m at 8pm, followed by Town with Nicholas Crane, securing 1.52m at 9pm. Channel Four's Embarrassing Bodies Live grabbed seven hundred and thirteen thousand viewers at 8pm, while the documentary Edward VIII: The Lion King was seen by seven hundred and thirty four thousand at 9pm. Shameless's final episode climbed to 1.11m at 10pm. On Channel Five, CSI was watched by 1.53m at 9.15pm, followed by Body of Proof with 1.07m at 10pm. BBC3's wretched unfunny and tedious Sweat the Small Stuff dipped to a new low of two hundred and fifty seven thousand punters at 10pm.

Frankie lost a further seven hundred thousand viewers for its third episode on Wednesday evening, overnight data has revealed. Eve Myles's BBC drama was seen by 3.35 million at 9pm. However, it had been moved from its usual Tuesday night slot. The ONE Show was the highest-rated show outside of news, soaps and sport with 4.01m at 7pm. Later, A Question of Sport attracted 2.03m at 10.35pm. On BBC2, Springwatch continued with 2.56m At 7.30pm, while new series Springwatch Unsprung brought in 2.01m at 8.30pm. New three-part documentary series The Iraq War was seen by nine hundred and sixty thousand viewers at 9pm. ITV's coverage of England's miserably lightweight draw with the Republic of Ireland was the highest-rated programme of the night, scoring and average of 5.49m from 7.30pm. On Channel Four, Location, Location, Location attracted 1.40m at 8pm. Twenty Four Hours in A&E climbed to 2.29m at 9pm, while Ten O'Clock Live was up to eight hundred and twenty nine thousand viewers at 10pm. Channel Five's NCIS entertained 1.41m at 9.15pm.

Caitlin Moran's semi-autobiographical sitcom Raised By Wolves has been given the greenlight for a pilot on Channel Four. The Big Talk Productions project has completed filming and Moran has described the show as a chance to showcase 'intellectuals living on a council estate.' This blog has been doing that for years, dear blog reader. 'Set on a Wolverhampton council estate, Raised By Wolves is a modern day reimagining of us, when we were growing up - loads of kids, no money, home-schooled, and educating ourselves on mankind's great bounty of books, films, TV and pop music,' said Moran - whom, to be fair, this blogger does consider to be a superb and witty writer. 'Do you remember when people used to go on about the notion of a progressive working class? When admitting you were on benefits didn't immediately mean that you were morally incontinent scrounger scum? Yeah, neither could we. It's been ages. Telly never has any smart, amusing intellectuals living on a council estate. That's why we wrote the sitcom. Well, that and the chance to make a load of jokes about vaginas.' Sounds intriguing. Particularly the bit about vaginas. Anyway, Rebekah Staton, the excellent Philip Jackson and Helen Monks are among the cast. Newcomers Alexa Davies, Molly Risker, Caden Ellis Wall, Lucie Brown and Kaine Zajaz will also star. Incidentally, if you're a Young Person, and you're wondering where the title comes from, it's from Eddie Izzard's breakthrough comedy routine from the early nineties.

The West Wing's Rob Lowe is to play John Kennedy in a TV movie marking the fiftieth anniversary of the American president's 1963 assassination. By, you know, a cabal of ... Oliver Stone and the Nazis. Or someone. Anyway, Lowe will play JFK in Killing Kennedy (snappy title), a two-hour National Geographic 'factual drama' based on a book co-written by FOX News commentator - and risible right-wing scum - Bill O'Reilly. Ginnifer Goodwin, from Once Upon a Time, will play Jacqueline Kennedy when filming begins in June. Lowe can currently be seen in the US sitcom Parks and Recreation. The fort nine-year-old has received rave reviews for his role as a plastic surgeon in Behind The Candelabra, a biopic of the flamboyant pianist Liberace which was recently screened at the Cannes Film Festival. For many, though, Lowe will be best remembered for his appearances in 1980s 'Brat Pack' movies such as The Outsiders and St Elmo's Fire, and for his role as deputy White House communications director Sam Seaborn in The West Wing. The TV show ever made (that doesn't have the words 'Doctor' and 'who' in the title). His latest part sees him follow in the footsteps of his former West Wing co-star Martin Sheen, who played JFK in the 1983 mini-series Kennedy. Ridley Scott's Scott Free production company will be hoping Killing Kennedy has a better reception than 2011 series The Kennedys, which was effectively disowned by its US backers. The drama was to be shown on the History Channel before its parent company, A&E Television Networks, pulled the plug following complaints over its historical accuracy (or lack, thereof). Greg Kinnear played JFK in that series, broadcast in the UK on BBC2, while Katie Holmes played Jackie. Killing Kennedy will also feature Gossip Girl and former Buffy The Vampire Slayer star Michelle Trachtenberg as Marina, the Russian-born wife of JFK's (alleged) assassin Lee Oswald. It is not yet known who will take on the role of Oswald, notably portrayed by Gary Oldman in Oliver Stone's 1991 film JFK. And by Scott Bakula in an episode of Quantum Leap. Elsewhere, another US icon who met a premature end will be the focus of the latest project from Iain Canning, the Oscar-winning producer of 2010 royal drama The King's Speech. Life will explore the relationship between James Dean and Dennis Stock, a photographer from Life magazine who was assigned to capture the young actor before he rocketed to Hollywood stardom. Anton Corbijn, the Dutch photographer turned film-maker behind the acclaimed Ian Curtis biopic Control, will direct the film tentatively scheduled to shoot in early 2014. Dean had leading roles in East of Eden, Rebel Without a Cause and Giant before dying in a car crash in 1955 at the age of twenty four.

Yer actual Rik Mayall has decided to take a few moments off from making ridiculous TV adverts for not particularly nice beer and has been cast as the father of fellow comic Greg Davies in a new Channel Four sitcom. Man Down will star Davies as Dan, an immature teacher who struggles with his job and personal life. Fifty five-year-old Mayall has been cast as Dan's father, according to the Radio Times, despite being just ten years older than Davies his very self. And, about a foot shorter too. Six thirty-minute episodes of Man Down will begin shooting soon under director Matt Lipsey (who previously worked on the okay-but-flawed Vexed and the about-as-funny-as-a-good-hard-kick-in-the-knackers This Is Jinsy). Davies recently revealed that he is also hoping to make a second series of the BBC3 sitcom Cuckoo. despite the fact that it includes less funny jokes in it than the average episode of Loose Women. 'I understand there's a will for it,' said the comedian. well, yeah. It's very popular with students. Then again, so is Russell Kane. Enough said. 'I hope there is a second series - I had the best time doing it and I hope there is another one. I'm well up for it.'

Joan Collins has signed up for ITV's Benidorm. The veteran actress will portray a 'hotel high-roller' in the comedy's upcoming sixth series. Collins will play a character named Crystal who becomes an enemy of Joyce Temple-Savage (Sherrie Hewson). Collins tweeted: 'Looking forward to going to Spain to be in Benidorm. And I'm playing 'Crystal' - yes I am - but not the Dynasty one.' Coronation Street's Ken Morley and former Brookside star Philip Olivier have also signed up for guest roles, with Matthew Kelly confirmed to return as Cyril Babcock in series six. Show creator Derren Litten - who has written all seven episodes of the new series - said: 'I'm so excited about series six of Benidorm, probably more excited than all previous series. Apart from Dynasty series five of course - what could possibly top the Moldavian Massacre?'

Amazon has announced the five original TV series it will make this year after seeking customer feedback on fourteen pilot shows. Political comedy Alpha House, starring John Goodman, and Betas, a sitcom about Silicon Valley, were among those selected for full series production. Children's programmes Annebots and animations Creative Galaxy and Tumbleaf will also be made. The shows will initially be shown on Amazon's Prime Instant Video service. It is Amazon's first foray into original programming, following in the footsteps of rivals Netflix and YouTube. The pilots were shown on in the US and on Lovefilm in the UK last month, with customers asked to help decide which series should be made. Alpha House, written by Pulitzer-winning cartoonist Garry Trudeau, stars Goodman as one of four misfit senators who share a house. With hilarious consequences. 'We're thrilled to have emerged safely from this harrowing exercise in online democracy,' said Doonesbury creator Trudeau. Betas follows a group of friends hoping to strike it rich in Silicon Valley and has Ed Begley Jr as part of its cast. Both shows will shoot another ten episodes, with Alpha House airing in November.

Actor Thomas Scurr was left with a broken cheekbone and a fractured eye socket during an unprovoked attack in London's West End. Scurr was punched in the face as he and friend, James Conway, were crossing the northern side of Leicester Square in the early hours of 11 May. The twenty two-year-old actor, who plays Barney Harper-McBride in the Channel Four soap Hollyoakes, had been asked to pose for photos by fans before the attack, police said. Officers are appealing for witnesses. Detective Sergeant Nathan Tozer said: 'This was a nasty and completely unprovoked attack, which resulted in Mr Scurr sustaining serious injuries to his face, and I am keen to identify the person responsible. We know that prior to the incident several people identified Mr Scurr and Mr Conway and asked them to pose for photos, and I am keen to hear from anyone who was in the area and may have taken pictures of the pair on their phone, or noticed the incident taking place.' The suspect has been described as 'a stocky white man, about six feet tall, with a shaven head.' So, a big fat violent skinhead in other words? That should narrow the list of suspects down to a few hundred thousand, tragically. Scurr said: 'I would personally be very grateful for any information; hopefully then we can find this guy and show him that there are always consequences.'

Fans of the classical tenor Alfie Boe are not exactly known for their rowdy rock and roll antics. But one Strictly Come Dancing viewer - with nothing better to do with his or her time - fired off an angry complaint to the BBC after the singer's performance on the show caused the audience to 'scream, whistle and clap.' Because, heaven forbid that anyone should, actually, enjoy themselves. According to the BBC Trust's Complaints and Appeals Board Findings, Appeals to the Trust considered by the Complaints and Appeals Board (April 2013 bulletin), the disgruntled whinger and waste-of-oxygen complained that the cheering was 'off-putting and unnecessary, and he found it hard to believe that singers enjoyed having their performances disrupted in this way.' The BBC Trust rejected his - ridiculous - complaint out of hand, obviously concluding it was nothing to make a song and dance about. What a tragedy it is, however, that the government hasn't introduced a law which states that any vexatious and ludicrous complaints made to the BBC (or any other broadcaster for that matter) should result, after due consideration, in them having their TV licence revoked for six months, just as careless drivers get their right to get behind a wheel taken away.
A list apparently showing the contact details of English Defence League members has been published online. It has been posted by people claiming to be part of a computer hacking network known as Anonymous. Names and addresses of more than two hundred people from all over the country are on the list. The post from a group calling itself Anonymous UK also includes the mobile telephone numbers of people it claims to be 'senior members' of the EDL. It said the EDL 'should have expected this' and warned it to 'expect more.' The publication followed an audio message, recorded with a computerised voice and published on YouTube, allegedly from Anonymous UK to the EDL which accused the far-right group of indoctrinating our young with your criminal mind-set' and 'taking advantage of moments of fear and terror to spread hatred and animosity.' It likened the EDL to a 'pack of raving ignoramuses' and said the group's 'constant belligerence' would further 'only bigotry and segregation.' The message added: 'You have angered us considerably, and summoned our wrath irrevocably.'
The EDL has held several demonstrations since the death of Lee Rigby, the soldier who was killed in Woolwich last week. It is unclear whether the people listed are actually members of the EDL. A similar list of names of supposed British National Party members, published in 2008, included some people who turned out not to be members. More than one thousand protesters claiming to be members of the EDL gathered in London on Monday and were addressed by EDL leader Tommy Robinson.
The Sun's Whitehall editor, Clodagh Hartley, has appeared in court accused of conspiring to pay seventeen thousand four hundred and seventy five smackers to a public official for government leaks, including details about David Cameron's deficit reduction plans (or, you know, lack of them). Hartley appeared at Westminster magistrates' court in London on Wednesday morning alongside her two co-accused, HMRC press officer Jonathan Hall and his wife, Marta Bukarewicz. The three entered the dock together and spoke only to confirm their names, date of birth and addresses in the five-minute hearing. The chief magistrate, Judge Howard Riddle, sent them for trial at Southwark crown court. The next pre-trial hearing is scheduled for 6 June. The three were released on unconditional bail and made no comment as they left the court building. Prosecutor Tom Guest said that they face a single joint charge of conspiring to commit misconduct in public office between 30 March 2008 and 15 July 2011. The charges relate to alleged payments of over seventeen thousand quid from the Sun to Hall, mostly via Bukarewicz, for the 'unauthorised disclosure of information' about government plans, including details about the then newly formed coalition government's 2010 Budget and deficit reduction plans. Hartley, who was arrested and bailed in May 2012 by officers from Scotland Yard's Operation Elveden, is the sixth Sun journalist to be charged as a result of the investigation into alleged illegal payments by journalists to public officials. A former consumer affairs and home affairs reporter, Hartley became the Sun's first female lobby correspondent in 2009 after a stint working in Los Angeles for the paper.

Radical speakers such as the Islamist preacher Anjem Choudary should not be banned from appearing on television, the independent reviewer of terrorism legislation said on Wednesday. David Anderson QC, who reviews the government's anti-terror laws, said it should be up to broadcasters to decide who appears on their channels. Broadcasters including Channel Four and the BBC were criticised last week for giving Choudary airtime in the wake of the Woolwich attack and it has been reported that extremist preachers could be banned from television under new powers for Ofcom. But Anderson said that if extremists were banned from television, it would risk sanitising them. He told BBC Radio 4's PM programme: 'Perhaps I'm old fashioned, I'm a great believer in the marketplace of ideas, the good ideas drive out the bad. It's important to give these people a hard time and to expose to the audience the sort of things they have been saying when they have not been wearing a tie in the television studio. But subject to that, let them be heard, and the risk of not letting these people be heard in all their glory is that you sanitise them, and that people don't actually realise how extreme they are.' Asked if there was an 'incitement factor' on television, he said: 'If you're talking about Anjem Choudary, various organisations that he has been instrumental in founding have indeed been banned as organisations that promote or encourage terrorism. It hasn't happened to him, he hasn't been prosecuted on that basis. For someone who is a member of society, free to speak, I think one has got to allow him to speak, one has got to test very severely what he has to say, and one has to discredit his ideas. One can think about the high-profile extremists in respect of whom that's been a pretty effective process.'

A businessman and former football club chief has been accused of breaking into his fortune teller's home. Jose Laparra, who was president of Spanish fourth division side Club Deportivo Castellon between 2005 and 2011, is alleged to have broken in to reclaim one hundred and eighty thousand dollars he had paid for a 'love spell' which, apparently, failed to work. I mean, what are the chances of that happening, eh? According to the New York Daily News, investigators say that Laparra paid fortune teller Lucia Martin over two hundred thousand smackers to 'help bring his former flame back to him.' Martin reportedly foresaw the arrival of Laparra and four of his friends, and called the police to her home in Zaragoza. Well, she is a fortune teller, presumably, she'll also know the outcome of the forthcoming trial and how much bird Laparra and his mates will be doing when they're found extremely guilty. Police officers say that Laparra suffered 'an anxiety attack' during his arrest and was taken to hospital. That's the first time I've heard 'accidentally falling down the stairs at the police station' described thus. All five suspects have since been released on bail.

For today's Keith Telly Topping's 33 of the Day, here's His Divine Holiness yer actual Lord Joseph Strummer and his various Mescaleros and the best song of multi-culturalism ever written.

Wednesday, May 29, 2013

He Wasn't There Again Today, Oh How I Wish He'd Go Away

Yer actual John Simm has been quoted as saying that he gets 'frustrated' by Doctor Who fans. So do we all, John, mate, so do we all! The actor - who played The Doctor's nemesis, The Master, in five episodes between 2007 and 2010 - allegedly told the Radio Times that aficionados of the popular long-running family SF drama are 'full-on.' Which, actually, is jolly hard to argue with. And this blogger says that very much as as one of them. 'I do get a lot of Doctor Who [recognition],' the piece reads. 'God almighty, I'll be so happy when that's gone from my life. [The fans are] lovely, I'm sure, but I won't miss it. It's great to be into something, but for goodness' sake, really? I'm not the Master, I'm not that evil Time Lord who rules the galaxy, I'm just in Tesco with my kids. Leave me alone!' However, Simm has since taken to Twitter to claim that the Radio Times had 'done a number' on him and that his quotes were 'taken out of context.' He continued: 'To "Whovians" or whoever. It's a non-story. I always try to be polite to fans and am very proud of my time in the show. You can choose to believe what you like but I really meant no offence. I've obviously pissed off some bored journalist cos I wouldn't do an interview.' Stitched up by the Radio Times of all organs of the media? Blimey, John, you must've made a bad enemy there! Mind you, I'd've had a lot more sympathy for you if you hadn't used the dreaded 'W' word. Only glakes and Americans call themselves that.

Britain's Got Toilets' first live semi-final of the series enjoyed a climb in the ratings on Bank Holiday Monday, overnight data reveals. The show, introduced by Ant and/or Dec welcomed an average od 9.89 million overnight viewers from 7.30pm on ITV. The results show dipped to 7.92m at 9.30pm. The music documentary The Story of Now was watched by 2.01m at 10pm. On BBC1, Antiques Roadshow was seen by 3.48m at 7.30pm, followed by a repeat of Miranda with 2.54m at 8.30pm. Clare Balding's The Queen: Passion for Horses attracted 3.50m at 9pm. BBC2's Springwatch gained 2.33m punters at 8pm for the opening episode of its latest series. Gillian Anderson's drama The Fall, recommissioned for a second series earlier that day, lost around half a million viewers from the previous week but still ended up with a very creditable 2.87m at 9pm. On Channel Four, World's Weirdest Weather - quite a bit of which could be seen around the country that particular day - brought in 1.06m at 8pm, while Skint dropped over a million viewers to 1.48m at 9pm. Channel Five's cricket coverage declared on six hundred and sixty four thousand at 7pm and Scariest Animal Attacks got seven hundred and fifty eight thousand punters at 9pm. On BBC4, Victoria Coren-Mitchell's Only Connect was the multi-channel highlight of the day with seven hundred and ninety two thousand viewers at 8.30pm.

The Lady Thatcher's funeral was the third most-requested live TV programme ever on the BBC iPlayer, with nearly eight hundred and twenty three thousand requests for real-time viewing of the event. Presumably most of these were people who wanted to make sure that she was dead and buried but couldn't get to a TV set due to work commitments. Just a guess. Viewing of the funeral on 17 April on the BBC's catch-up service was topped only by two 2012 Olympics events in terms of viewer numbers of a live event in the iPlayer's five-and-a-half-year history. The funeral received a total nine hundred and eighty six thousand hits, meaning that one hundred and sixty three thousand people requested it later - as a catch-up - rather than a live experience, according to figures released on Tuesday by the BBC. One possible reason it was so popular as a real-time experience, the BBC speculated, was because it took place midweek when many viewers were likely to watch the funeral on iPlayer via their work computers. That's people who actually have a job, of course. The death of Maggie also drove traffic to the BBC iPlayer radio in April, when there were a record-breaking seventy four million requests for the month, eighty four per cent of which were for 'live listening.' BBC 5Live's Shelagh Fogarty and Richard Bacon programmes came top of the radio requests. Elsewhere, BBC1's The Voice and Doctor Who both had a very strong April, with a total of 7.8 and 7.5 million live and catch-up requests across the entire month, respectively. The first episode of new BBC1 drama The Village also had a good showing, with more than one million requests. Overall, the two hundred and fifty seven million BBC iPlayer requests in April were down slightly on the previous couple of months but massively up on the equivalent period last year. The BBC says the slight decline month-on-month was probably due to the impact of the Easter holidays and lighter evenings as British Summer Time began.

Roger Moore has become the latest chancer to say that he wants to be cast in Doctor Who or Sherlock. The James Bond veteran responded to a tweet from Sherlock co-creator and Doctor Who writer Mark Gatiss praising his 'wonderful' performance in the 1970 thriller The Man Who Haunted Himself. Which, actually, was pretty damn good. Highlight of Old Roge's career, that one. Yer man Gatiss then replied: 'My life is complete! Will be [in] touch.' Timothy Dalton - Moore's successor in the role of Bond - previously starred in Doctor Who in 2009, appearing as Rassilon opposite David Tennant in two-parter The End of Time.
BBC 'bosses' (that's executives only with less syllables) have braved their fair share of demonstrators outside Broadcasting House – but on Tuesday they were confronted by a more mild-mannered group of TV fans. Five women took to the BBC's doorstep to protest about its decision to cancel The Hour, the drama about a news show starring Ben Whishaw and Dominic West. They may be light on numbers on the ground - as, indeed, The Hour was in terms of viewing figures, which was why it was cancelled in the first place - but a hefty twenty one thousand people have reportedly signed an online petition against calling time on the drama. Perhaps the new director general, Tony Hall, will save the show? I wouldn't bank on it, though.
A coroner told the press 'shame on all of you' as he ruled that a primary school teacher had killed herself after her gender reassignment became national news. Michael Singleton, coroner for Blackburn, Hyndburn and Rossendale, singled out the Daily Scum Mail as he accused the paper of 'ridicule and humiliation' and 'a character assassination' of Lucy Meadows who took her own life in March. He urged the government to implement the recommendations of The Leveson Report on press intrusion as he criticised the 'sensational and salacious' press coverage. Delivering a verdict of suicide, he told the inquest into Lucy's death he was 'appalled' at media reports about her. As he closed the inquest, he turned to the reporters present and said: 'And to you the press, I say shame, shame on all of you.' Meadows poisoned herself in her Accrington home on 19 March, three months after she started to live and work as a woman. In a note she left, she made no mention of press intrusion, citing instead her debts, a number of bereavements including the death of her parents, and her stressful job as a primary school teacher. She insisted she was not depressed or mentally ill and thanked her friends, family and colleagues for their support, as well as messages she had received from well-wishers around the world. Her therapist, Zoe Hargreaves, told the inquest in a statement that Meadows had found the media attention stressful but 'easier than she thought' – largely because she was distracted by the death of someone she was in love with. But the coroner was insistent that the unwelcome media attention had contributed to her death. 'Lucy Meadows was not somebody who had thrust herself into the public limelight. She was not a celebrity. She had done nothing wrong,' Singleton told the inquest at Blackburn register office. 'Her only crime was to be different. Not by choice but by some trick of nature. And yet the press saw fit to treat her in the way that they did.' Giving evidence about the media attention, her former wife, Ruth Smith, said that Meadows had been 'more annoyed than anything that there was this intrusion into her life and our lives as well.' Smith, mother to Meadows' son, said that the couple had split up in late 2011 but had 'remained on good terms.' She told the inquest Meadows had attempted suicide twice in the run-up to her death. 'I asked her why and she said there wasn't enough to keep her here,' said Smith. Born Nathan Upton in December 1980, Meadows went back to her Accrington primary school after Christmas in women's clothes and with a new name: Lucy Meadows. News spread after the head of St Mary Magdalen's school sent a letter to parents saying: 'Mister Upton has recently made a significant change in his life and will be transitioning to live as a woman.' Concerns from 'some parents' were reported in the media, with one father - a, no doubt perfect example of humanity - saying that his three sons at the school were 'too young to be dealing with that.' The inquest heard that Meadows complained to the Press Complaints Commission on 3 January about 'harassment from the press' and particularly a column written by odious louse Richard Littlejohn in the Daily Scum Mail on 20 December 2012. In a piece headlined He's not only in the wrong body … he's in the wrong job, the vile and wretched Littlejohn asked whether anyone had thought of the 'devastating effect' on Meadows's pupils of her change of gender. The PCC carried out an investigation and on 11 March the Daily Scum Mail offered to take down Littlejohn's article from the paper's website, as well as a photograph of Meadows's wedding to Smith in February 2009. Singleton said he considered the Daily Scum Mail's 'gesture' to be 'token' at best. 'Having carried out what can only be described as a character assassination, having sought to ridicule and humiliate Lucy Meadows and bring into question her right to pursue her career as a teacher, the Daily Mail's response was to offer to remove the article from the website,' he said, adding: 'It seems to me that nothing has been learned from the Leveson inquiry.' He said that he would be writing to the lack of culture secretary, the vile and odious rascal Miller, to 'urge' the government to implement Lord Justice Leveson's recommendations in full in order to prevent a similar suicide. Singleton quoted rule forty three of the Coroners Rules 1984, which gives coroners the power to write a report to a person or organisation where the coroner believes that actions should be taken to prevent future deaths. He said: 'I will be writing to the government to consider now implementing in full the recommendations of The Leveson Report in order to seek to ensure that other people in the same position as Lucy Meadows are not faced with the same ill-informed bigotry as seems to be displayed in the case of Lucy.' Had her suicide note made any reference at all to the press, Singleton said he 'would have no difficulty in summonsing various journalists and editors to this inquest to give evidence and be called into account.' Addressing Smith, Singleton said he hoped journalists present at the inquest had come to apologise 'for the damage and distress they have caused.' He also hoped media accounts of the inquest would be 'sympathetic and sensitive', he said, adding: 'I do not hold my breath.' Indeed. I wouldn't bank on it, mate.
And, speaking a odious scum tabloid filth, a model is suing the Sun and Scotland Yard in the first civil claim linked to alleged corrupt payments to police officers and public officials. Sarah Hannon is claiming damages at the high court for 'misuse of private information' by the Metropolitan police and the tabloid, owned by billionaire tyrant Rupert Murdoch. Hannon appeared in a Sun story in June 2010 which claimed that her then-boyfriend was arrested after allegedly engaging in a sex act with another woman on a flight from Heathrow to Bangalore. Hannon's claim is the first linked to alleged payments to police officers, potentially opening a new front in Scotland Yard's Operation Elveden inquiry which has led to the arrests of about sixty five journalists, police officers or other public officials of various descriptions since 2011. Other individuals, including The Rolling Stones guitarist Rockin' Ronnie Wood and the mother of England footballer John Terry, are among those whose details have been leaked to the Sun. The legal action will be a fresh headache for the Sun's publisher, News International, which is still attempting to settle a huge number of civil claims brought by alleged victims of phone-hacking by the disgraced and disgraceful Scum of the World. The newspaper group has already paid considerable wonga to two hundred and sixty one claimants, but many others, including the actor Rhys Ifans, have not yet settled. Those claimants brought cases at the high court after the Metropolitan police began contacting dozens of alleged phone-hacking victims when it launched in January 2011. To date, six Sun journalists have been charged under the Operation Elveden investigation along with a number of former police officers and public officials. Clodagh Hartley, the Sun's Whitehall editor, is to appear at Westminster magistrates court on Wednesday on charges of conspiracy to commit misconduct in public office in relation to alleged payments to Jonathan Hall, a press officer at Her Majesty's Revenue and Customs, and his partner, Marta Bukarewicz for stories. The Crown Prosecution Service said that the Sun is alleged to have paid seventeen thousand four hundred and seventy five smackers to the pair between 30 March 2008 and 15 July 2011 for information, including unannounced details of the 2010 budget and the government's deficit reduction plans.
Max Clifford his very self has pleaded not guilty to eleven charges of indecent assault which were,allegedly, committed between 1966 and 1985. The alleged offences relate to seven different women and girls ranging in age from fourteen to nineteen. Clifford denies all of the charges. At the hearing at Westminster Magistrates' Court, Clifford, from Hersham, was remanded on bail. The seventy-year-old, who says that the claims are 'without foundation,' will appear at Southwark Crown Court next month. Speaking outside court, Clifford said: 'I'm totally innocent of these allegations and the nightmare continues.' He said that his lawyers were 'just being informed' of the identity of the complainants. 'Since December I've been in the dark and people have made accusations from a long time ago,' he added. On his arrival at court, dozens of photographers and camera crews crowded around Clifford and his wife. Several members of the public also shouted abuse at him. BBC correspondent Sangita Myska said that Clifford looked 'very shaken' and his wife appeared to be on the brink of tears. Under the bail conditions, Clifford must live at his Surrey home and is not allowed to contact prosecution witnesses. The full list of offences relating to seven complainants are: One offence of indecent assault relating to a girl, aged fourteen, in 1966, one offence of indecent assault relating to a woman, aged eighteen, in 1974-75, three offences of indecent assault relating to a girl, aged fifteen, in 1977-78, one offence of indecent assault relating to a woman, aged nineteen, in 1978, two offences of indecent assault relating to a girl, aged sixteen or seventeen, in 1981-82, one offence of indecent assault relating to a woman, aged nineteen, in 1980-81 and two offences of indecent assault relating to a woman, aged eighteen, in 1984-85. Clifford was arrested in December under Operation Yewtree - set up following allegations of disgraceful badness relating to naughty old scallywag and rotter Jimmy Savile - but his arrest was unrelated to Savile.

The Royal Shakespeare Company is to stream its upcoming production of Richard II starring former national heartthrob David Tennant to UK schools. The sold-out performance of the 13 November Stratford-upon-Avon show will also be shown live in cinemas. 'We want to bring the work we make to the widest possible audience,' said RSC artistic director Gregory Doran. 'Taking our productions live into cinemas and direct into schools is the next logical step.' Richard II runs in Stratford from 10 October to 16 November before transferring to the Barbican in London in December. A recording of the live performance will be streamed direct into up to one thousand schools on 15 November, accompanied by a live studio link-up hosted by Konnie Huq. Members of the creative team, including Doran and Tennant, will take part in a live online Q&A session as part of the initiative. Two further RSC Shakespeare plays will be filmed live during 2014, the titles of which will be announced in September. Tennant - recently seen in ITV drama Broadchurch and The Politician's Husband on BBC2 - previously worked with the RSC on its hit 2008 production of Hamlet. Doran, who directed that production, will also direct Richard II, which tells of a king whose vanity and weakness threatens to drag England into a dynastic civil war. Speaking to the Gruniad Morning Star, Doran said it was 'very important' that a way was found to 're-imagine' the production for a cinema audience. 'It mustn't just be like having a security camera peering at the stage,' continued the director, who took over from previous RSC chief Michael Boyd last year.

England found the time between showers to wrap-up a two hundred and forty seven-run victory over New Zealand in the second Test and with it a two-nil series sweep. On a tense final day at Headingley, England needed eighty six minutes in two separate passages of play to take the final four New Zealand wickets they required for victory. Stuart Broad caught and bowled Kiwis captain Brendon McCullum in the third full over of the day and Graeme Swann broke an entertaining fifty six-run partnership when he had Tim Southee caught at slip for thirty eight. After an anxious two-and-a-half-hour rain stoppage, Swann removed Doug Bracewell to claim a ten-wicket match haul and James Anderson had last man Trent Boult caught behind as New Zealand were finally bowled out for two hundred and twenty. Swann, controversially left out for last year's test at Leeds against South Africa, became the first spinner to take a ten-wicket Test haul at Headingley since Derek Underwood in 1972. England's failure to bowl out New Zealand on Monday night, coupled with Tuesday's forecast of heavy rain, had threatened to deny the hosts victory. But, after an early morning downpour the rain eased off, allowing play to start at 11:45, with New Zealand - chasing an improbable four hundred and sixty eight to win - resuming on one hundred and fifty eight for six. England soon broke through, Broad stooping to claim a fine return catch when McCullum pushed a full toss back towards the bowler. Southee threw the bat in his characteristic manner to reach thirty eight before he nicked Swann to slip where Jonathan Trott - who had dropped a similar chance moments earlier - held on. However, with England two wickets away from victory, the players were taken off for rain just before lunch. With the tension mounting and light rain still falling from dark grey clouds, Cook crowded his men round the bat. And the tactic worked as Bracewell was taken low for nineteen by Ian Bell at silly point to give Swann his tenth wicket of the match. New Zealand's numbers ten and eleven then battled through eight runless overs to increase England's frustrations. But the decision to replace Swann with James Anderson paid immediate dividends as the Lancashire paceman found the edge of Boult's bat to spark celebrations among the England players. Cook declined to enforce the follow-on on day three despite a one hundred and eighty-run first innings lead over a side they had skittled out for sixty eight and one hundred and seventy four in their two previous innings, and then chose to delay a declaration until New Zealand required four hundred and sixty eight - fifty runs more than the highest successful run chase in Test history.

For today's Keith Telly Topping's 45 of the Day, this is a trip back into a time when the world was very, very young and Stevie Wonder was still, officially, 'Little'.

Tuesday, May 28, 2013

We've Come Too Far To Give Up Who We Are

Britain's Got Toilets was easily the most watched show on Sunday evening, overnight data has revealed. An average of 8.14 million viewers tuned in to see Wee Shughie McFee, the sour-faced Scottish chef off Crossroads and his worthless fellow judges pick their finalists at 8pm. This is seven hundred thousand punters less than the previous week's Saturday episode. Earlier, Celebrity Catchphrase was watched by 4.23m sick crushed victims of society at 7pm. On BBC1, Countryfile was seen by 4.54m at 7.30pm. Hugh Dennis's My Hero tribute to Ronnie Barker attracted 2.18m at 10.30pm. Jason Isaacs's drama Case Histories struggles against the talent show opposition, as it lost around 1.4m viewers from last week's premiere, falling to 3.47m at 8.30pm. BBC2's Ice Age Giants brought in 1.59m at 8.30pm, followed by Australia with Simon Reeve with 2.34m at 9.30pm. On Channel Four, Clare Balding's Secrets of a Suffragette was seen by eight hundred and fifty six thousand at 8pm. Channel Five's cricket coverage scored six hundred and sixty one thousand at 7pm, while a broadcast of the horror movie Drag Me To Hell was watched by eight hundred and twenty five thousand punters at 9pm.

Here's the final, consolidated ratings for the Top Twenty Five programmes week-ending 19 May 2013:-
1 Britain's Got Toilets - ITV Sat - 10.36m
2 Coronation Street - ITV Mon - 9.27m
3 The Eurovision Snog Contest - BBC1 Sat - 7.83m
4 EastEnders - BBC1 Mon - 7.79m
5 Emmerdale - ITV Tues - 7.46m
6 Doctor Who - BBC1 Sat - 7.45m
7 The Apprentice - BBC1 Wed - 7.22m
8 The British Soup Awards 2013 - ITV Sun - 5.76m
9 UEFA Europa League Live - ITV Wed - 5.56m
10 Countryfile - BBC1 Sun - 5.50m
11 Antiques Roadshow - BBC1 Sun - 5.48m
12 Case Histories - BBC1 Sun - 5.47m
13 Have I Got News For You - BBC1 Fri - 5.42m
14 Frankie - BBC1 Tues - 5.32m
15 Paul O'Grady: For The Love Of Dogs - ITV Thurs - 5.25m*
16 BBC News - BBC1 Sun - 4.85m
17 Ten O'Clock News - BBC1 Tues - 4.66m
18 The Fall - BBC2 Mon - 4.49m
19 Holby City - BBC1 Tues - 4.47m
20 Six O'Clock News - BBC1 Wed - 4.44m
21 Watchdog - BBC1 Wed - 4.40m
22 Murder On The Homefront - ITV Thurs - 4.30m*
23 The ONE Show - BBC1 Wed - 4.20m
24 Not Going Out - BBC1 Fri - 3.99m
25 Catchphrase - ITV Sun - 3.95m
Programmes marked '*' do not include HD figures.

The Fall has been recommissioned by the BBC for a second series. The crime drama - starring Gillian Anderson and Jamie Dornan - has given BBC2 their biggest drama series launch in eight years. The channel has now confirmed that a second run of episodes will go into production in due course. The show has achieved an average audience of 3.5 million so far following its premiere earlier this month. There are three episodes remaining of the first run, which ends on 10 June. The series focuses on Detective Superintendent Stella Gibson (played, superbly, by Anderson), who is brought to Belfast to help catch serial killer Paul Spector (Dornan). Ben Stephenson, the controller of BBC Drama, said: 'The Fall has proved both a critical and ratings hit for BBC2 and another reminder of the resurgence of drama on the channel. With more of Allan Cubitt's intricate and thrilling plot revelations yet to unfold through the captivating performances of Gillian and Jamie, a second series is a must. Obviously we can't give too much away as the first series builds to a gripping cliffhanger, but what we can say is it will be surprising and intense as the first.' Writer and creator Cubitt added: 'The BBC has been an incredibly supportive partner in this project, and working with BBC NI and the Artists Studio has been the best experience of my career to date. I always envisioned The Fall as a returning series and wish to congratulate both Gillian Anderson and Jamie Dornan who have played their parts to perfection.'

Odious wretched horrorshow (and drag), the thoroughly nasty Bill Oddie has revealed that he is 'considering' appearing in Celebrity Big Brother. Simply one more reason not to watch it then, dear blog reader.

Odious Oddie's - much more personable - replacement on Springwatch, yer actual Chris Packham, is at it again, it would seem. Dear blog readers with longer memories may recall that in 2009 music bloggers noted how yer actual Packham was, seemingly, attempting to fit references to song titles by The Smiths into his Springwatch dialogue about every three minutes. He did the same with songs by The Cure in 2010, The Manic Street Preachers in 2011 and The Grand Dame David Bowie her very self in 2012's Springwatch. Chris then moved on to the names of some of his favourite movies in that year's Autumnwatch. In Winterwatch (January 2013) he was busy using Madness song titles into his pieces to camera. Thus, in the opening episode of 2013's Springwatch on Monday evening, early references to 'Should I Stay or Should I Go?', 'Hitsville UK', 'Remote Control' and 'Career Opportunities' alerted those looking for whom was going to be next out of the Packham record collection to cop some free publicity that, this time around, it's seemingly The Clash. Chris Packham. Top bloke!

Finally on the subject of Springwatch, this blogger wishes that yer actual Michaela Strachen hadn't spent the opening episode constantly wittering on about 'great tits', it was jolly distracting.

According to the usual obnoxious full-of-its-own-importance Gruniad Morning Star in what they describe as a shitehawk 'exclusive', 'some strong contenders have apparently dropped out of the race to succeed saturnine Danny Cohen as BBC1 controller.' This odious fraction of piece of journalism - based on rumour and hearsay - goes on to sneer that the author 'refuses to connect the fact that drama chief Ben Stephenson has withdrawn with news that criteria for the job were sent out that included "charisma" (equally unusually, they said the new custodian must be "brave" and equipped to "develop the BBC's commercial activities").' Poxy self-important lice. The hideous excuse for journalism goes on to allege that 'with BBC3's Zai Bennett also out of the running, Broadcast eyebrow-raisingly tips entertainment head Mark Linsey, although you'd be hard-pressed to find someone who'd describe his division as flourishing. But he does have the attraction of being unlikely to shock Cohen, key to the process as head of TV, by questioning the future of The Voice (dear to Cohen's heart, as he paid a reported twenty two million pounds for it): Linsey is its commissioner. It remains unclear if the selection panel will use revolving seats for the final interviews.' Don't you just sometimes want to put a few bricks through the Gruniad's windows, dear blog reader? They really do think they're effing it, don't they?

Former Crimewatch presenter Nick Ross has issued a statement defending himself against criticism over published comments he made about rape. In his book, Crime, he said it had become 'sacrilege to suggest that there can be any gradation: rape is rape. The real experts, the victims, know otherwise,' he said. After criticism from anti-rape campaigners and on social media, he said that rape was 'one of the most defiling crimes' and could never be justified. The controversy comes after extracts from the 'Sex' chapter of his book Crime - subtitled how to solve it and why so much of what we're told is wrong - were published in the Scum Mail on Sunday. The extract featured said: 'Half of all women who have had penetrative sex unwillingly do not think they were raped, and this proportion rises strongly when the assault involves a boyfriend, or if the woman is drunk or high on drugs: they went too far, it wasn't forcible, they didn't make themselves clear.' He adds: 'For them, rape isn't always rape and, however upsetting, they feel it is a long way removed from being systematically violated or snatched off the street.' After publication, a number of newspapers reported that he had suggested 'rape isn't always rape' and then, with typical tact and decency set about soliciting comments from others. In a statement released on Sunday, Ross - who left BBC1's Crimewatch in 2007 - said the reaction to his writing was 'a false storm.' He said it 'sickens and appals' him that people could suggest he blamed rape victims or 'belittle what they suffer', adding that 'the opposite is true. For the record, lest it needs saying, and, as I make clear in the published extracts, anyone who suffers such a violating crime should be the centre of our concerns.' The book cited research which found many victims did not regard what happened to them as rape, 'even though in law it plainly was', he added. 'In other words victims themselves plainly see gradations in rape.' He said that, 'far from taking a chauvinistic view, my chapter on sexual crime disparages the patronising views of women that still too often prevail.' He added: 'Far from blaming people, my book says we are too quick to blame and that it tends to distract us from finding solutions to crime. While I acknowledge the self-evident truth that we - all of us - may, through our actions, make ourselves safer or more vulnerable to crime, that is not even remotely the same thing as justifying assault.'

Comedy Central has been ordered off the air for ten days in India after broadcasting 'obscene' jokes. The Ministry of Information and Broadcasting ruled that the English-language channel had twice aired offensive material last year and ordered the shut down earlier this week. First was an unnamed stand-up who performed an 'obscene' act with 'suggestive gestures' which 'offends good taste or decency' and 'denigrated women' in a Comedy Central Presents slot in May. The ruling referred to material that 'indecently and crudely referred to sex organs of men and women' adding that 'the sing-song rendition by the man sought to pornographically describe the male lust, depicting women as a commodity of sex. The portrayal appeared to deprave, corrupt and injure the public morality or morals.' Second was the hidden camera show Popcorn, which broadcast a joke in August in which a man is seen simulating sex with a pair of dummy legs. Comedy Central apologised for showing the material, which it said was broadcast because of 'unintentional genuine error.' However it contested the ban in Delhi High Court, but lost on Friday. Ministry secretary Uday Kumar Verma insisted: 'This is not causing curtailment of freedom of expression in any way.'

French dance duo Daft Punk have scored the UK's fastest-selling CD of the year so far with their Random Access Memories. The CD sold one hundred and sixty five thousand copies last week, the Official Charts Company said. Daft Punk's sales have surpassed those for the year's previously fastest-selling CD, Michael Buble's To Be Loved, which sold one hundred and twenty one thousand copies in its first week. Random Access Memories is the mysterious French retro-futurists' fourth studio CD and first UK number one and its success comes on the back of their hit single 'Get Lucky.'
A mother in America has been sent to yer actual pris for a month after mooning and flashing her breasts at her son's school bus driver. Lisa Grant, from Suffolk, Virginia, reportedly got into a heated argument with Melba Osborne after the driver sent a note home claiming Grant's son was 'misbehaving' on the vehicle. The thirty four-year-old went to confront Osborne, allegedly flashing one of her breasts in front of a bus full of terrified children before exposing her bottom to the driver and shouting: 'Kiss my white butt.' Now, her white butt is banged up in pokey where, presumably, her cell-mate - one Large Marge - will be doing exactly that on a nightly basis. 'She turned around, pulled her pants down, her underclothes down, bent over and told me to kiss her behind,' the Daily Scum Mail quotes Osborne as saying. Grant denied flashing, saying: 'I told her to kiss my white butt. I never - not once - mooned. I never showed her any body part, apart from my dress.' But, the court, seemingly, did not believe her. She was convicted of disorderly conduct on 21 May and sentenced to six months in jail over the November 2012 incident, with five months of her sentence suspended. Grant, who was found not guilty of an indecent exposure charge, was also fined two hundred and fifty dollars and will serve her jail time on the weekends only. Her son no longer rides the bus to school.

Bill Pertwee, who played Warden Hodges in Dad's Army, has died his agent has confirmed. The eighty six-year-old also starred as PC Wilson in David Croft and Jimmy Perry's subsequent sitcom You Rang M'Lud? and appeared in three Carry On films. Agent Meg Poole said that Bill had died peacefully on Monday with his family around him. He is survived by his son, Jonathan. Bill's Dad's Army character was a greengrocer who became chief air raid warden when World War II broke out. His catchphrase was: 'Put that light out!' and he was a constant thorn in the side of Captain Mainwaring and Sergeant Wilson (played by Arthur Lowe and John Le Mesurier respectively), who called him 'a common little man.' As chief tormentor of the local Home Guard, Warden Hodges proved far more of an irritant than the armed hordes of Nazi Germany which (almost) invariably left the citizens of Walmington-on-Sea in peace. Dressed in the brief authority of wartime office, Hodges pulled rank at every opportunity to act as a one-man counterweight to the military might represented by Captain Mainwaring's platoon. With the perfect put-down — Hodges riled Mainwaring by twitting him as 'Napoleon' — Pertwee played the town's tinpot dictator with total comic aplomb. The show ran for ten years, earned a BAFTA for best comedy in 1971 and inspired a film spin-off in the same year. Bill went on to become a founder member and the president of the Dad's Army Appreciation Society. Poole said: 'He was a really, really nice man. Very bright, very intelligent. He came from a big theatrical family, a big showbusiness family, and like all of them it was his life and it was very important to him and he was a hugely professional, very clever man.' Bill's wife, the actress Marion McLeod, died in 2005. He was made an MBE in 2006 for his services to charity - he supported children's hospices. William Desmond Anthony Pertwee was born on 21 July 1926 at Amersham, Buckinghamshire, the youngest of three brothers. His father, who was of Huguenot descent (the family name originally having been Pertuis), had not followed his own father into farming, but made his living as an engineer working for a firm selling tarmacadam to councils. Bill's mother had been born in Brazil. In the early 1930s the family moved to Glasbury-on-Wye in Radnorshire, and then, as their fortunes faltered, to Erith in Kent. There, Bill's eldest brother joined the Atlas Preservative Company as an export manager, the managing director being a twenty-year-old Denis Thatcher, whose father owned the firm. Bill was educated at a local convent and, following his father's death, moved with his mother and brothers to Blackheath. Evacuated at the outbreak of the Second World War to Sussex, he attended a local private school run by an eccentric called Felix Eames and, subsequently, he attended Dartford Technical College and Southend College. He took a job at the Southend Motor and Aero Club, which before the war had repaired funfair rides and dodgem cars, but was then making parts for Spitfire cannons. When the war ended, Bill was offered a job with Oxley Knox, a firm of City stockbrokers, but he was sacked when he answered the office telephone with a facetious impression of the broadcaster Raymond Glendinning, only to find Mister Knox his very self on the other end of the line. Who was, by all accounts, not amused. An advertisement in the Daily Torygraph for salesmen vacancies at Burberry's sports department led to another job, but a family friend soon offered Bill a better one in his window and office cleaning business. Throughout the late 1940s and early 1950s Bill developed his interest in showbusiness, becoming a regular at opening nights in the West End. In 1954 he became an assistant to his cousin, the actor Jon Pertwee then starring in The Navy Lark, and the following year Bill turned professional, joining a variety bill at Gorleston near Great Yarmouth on six quid a week. His break eventually came in 1958 with the offer to join the hugely popular radio show Beyond Our Ken starring Kenneth Horne and Kenneth Williams which ran until 1964. The same team (Horne, Williams, Pertwee, Hugh Paddick and Betty Marsden) subsequently made an even more popular sequel, the legendary Round The Horne (1965-68), created by Barry Took and Marty Feldman. Bill also appeared opposite Morecambe and Wise writer Eddie Braben - who died last week - in The Show with Ten Legs. Bill was also the author of several books, the first of which, Promenades and Pierrots (1979) traced the history of seaside entertainment in Britain. A follow-up, By Royal Command (1981), looked at the links between the Royal family and showbusiness. His autobiography, A Funny Way To Make A Living, appeared in 1996.

According to a - possibly entirely unreliable - press report, police have identified thirty six-year-old Johannes Van der Burgh as the primary suspect in Friday night's gruesome nightclub slaying of a twenty two-year-old Polish DJ, Mark Borowski. Van der Burgh — who was apprehended after police received several key leads from eyewitness testimony — confessed to the murder. He added to the confession by telling police that he was simply doing what 'any vinyl purist would have done.' Eyewitnesses state that Van der Burgh was seen hastily leaving Berlin's Berghain night club 'visibly distraught by something' which had occurred inside. Further eyewitness accounts confirm that Van der Burgh followed Browoski home to his apartment. Borowski had just finished performing a set of slammin' techno on the popular computer software Traktor, a set which reportedly according to many other concert-goers left the audience frustrated. '[Borowski's] simplistic dynamics and pre-set loops would drag for sixteen, thirty two, or even sixty four bars at a time,' alleged clubber Daniel Hirsch allegedly said. 'It doesn't really surprise me that he was murdered.' Popular DJ software has been know to induce rage in older DJs who fear things are becoming 'too easy.' Police arrived at Borowski's apartment after receiving numerous calls from his neighbours who claimed they 'heard some sort of dispute 'arising from within his home. Upon entry, police discovered a lifeless Borowski laying among two Technics SL1200 turntables. One turntable was covered in Borowski's own blood, the other plugged in and still playing a copy of Kraftwerk's The Man Machine. Is it 1 April already?

Today's Keith Telly Topping's 45 of the Day, isn't Kraftwerk - although, it's probably should be. Instead, it's Britain's best selling record of the week, the first time that yer actual Keith Telly Topping had found himself a purchaser of a number one in, ooo, about five years at least. I'm suddenly in with the Cool Kids again. How'd that happen?

Monday, May 27, 2013

Week Twenty Three: The Tiny Purple Fishes Run Laughing Through Your Fingers

Deprived of its usual Doctor Who-sized lead-in, The Voice scored a series low overnight audience of 5.89 million from 7.15pm on Saturday. The BBC1 talent show was down 1.48m on the previous episode, but was still the most-watched broadcast of the night - by a distance - in the absence of ITV's Britain's Got Toilets. The two-hour episode, which featured the last of The Voice battle rounds, peaked at 6.7m. ITV's woefully piss-poor coverage of the UEFA Champions League Final between Bayern Munich and Borussia Dortmund between 7pm and 10.15pm, attracted 3.5m. On BBC1, Casualty had 4.23m at 9.15pm and Michael McIntyre's Comedy Roadshow pulled in 2.11m at 10.30pm. BBC2 aired coverage of The Chelsea Flower Show between 7pm and 8.15pm, picking up 1.65m. Dad's Army followed with 1.47m and the documentary David Bowie: Five Years has an audience of 1.33m at 9.30pm. Elsewhere, a double bill of NCIS took seven hundred and thirty nine thousand and eight hundred and ninety thousand punters respectively from 8.15pm on Channel Five.

The Voice, meanwhile, will return for a third series, the BBC has confirmed. It was widely rumoured over the weekend that a third run of the singing competition would be 'confirmed soon.' The Sun, citing an alleged 'source' claimed that the alleged 'source' had allegedly alleged that the show 'would be back for a third series.' They added: 'The Beeb feels it's a great show and you need to pay the big bucks for programmes like that.' The BBC subsequently confirmed via Twitter that the The Voice will return in 2014.

Matthew Macfadyen has spoken about beginning filming on the second series of Ripper Street. Filming for the next run of episodes of the BBC1 historical crime drama has commenced in Dublin and the thirty eight-year-old actor has described the new episodes as 'wonderful.' He told the Press Association: 'It's fantastic to begin shooting in Dublin again for the second series of Ripper Street - and to be reunited with much of the wonderful cast and crew from last year. Also to be reunited with my bowler hat - I'd missed it. The show's creator Richard Warlow has given us two wonderful, strange and unsettling opening episodes, teeming with the fierce and fragile life of Victorian Whitechapel.' The second series of the drama will see events taking place in 1890, where the crime-fighting team will struggle against corruption within their own police force. Macfadyen's co-stars Jerome Flynn and Adam Rothenberg return to their roles for the new series and will be joined by Joseph Mawle, who will play corrupt Inspector Jebediah Shine.

Which brings us to your next batch of yer actual Top Telly Tips:-

Saturday 1 June
We start off with Les Dawson: An Audience With That Never Was - 8:30 ITV. When the Manchester-born comedian died in June 1993, he was just weeks away from recording An Audience with Les Dawson. Twenty years on, this tribute tells the story of the TV special that never was, revisits the original content planned for that show and presents it for a celebrity audience, featuring the comedian in the form of a hologram. The programme also hears from a host of those who worked with him, including Bruce Forsyth, Cilla Black, Terry Wogan and Ken Dodd.

The concluding part of the documentary Eddie Izzard's Mandela Marathons - 9:00 Sky 1 - in which comedian Eddie Izzard attempted to run twenty seven marathons across South Africa in as many days - one for each year that Nelson Mandela spent in prison. Having put his near-collapse at the end of last week's episode down to 'teething problems', things are back on track and for the first time Eddie gets to run on smooth tarmac as opposed to the rocky terrain at the start of his journey. However, his good fortune is fleeting and returning pains mean a planned visit to Mandela's university Fort Hale is replaced with a trip to hospital. Will he ever finish his marathon mission? Of course, as we know, Ed wasn't able to continue his marathon-a-thon and this turns into a straightforward, albeit inspirational documentary about Mandela, though Eddie proves a fine interviewer, speaking to FW De Klerk, Mandela's guard at Robben Island Christo Brand and fellow prisoner Ahmed Kathrada.

Disco at the BBC - 10:30 BBC4 - is a repeat, albeit a boogietastic one, featuring archive performances of disco classics by acts including Chic, Rose Royce, Labelle, Gladys Knight and Village People, from shows such as Top of the Pops, The Old Grey Whistle Test and Later with Jools Holland.

Sunday 2 June
Brazil versus England (kick-off 8.00pm) brings down the curtain on the 2012-13 football season. ITV, as usual, provided shockingly awful coverage of the friendly at the Maracana in Rio de Janeiro, as Roy Hodgson's men face Brazil for the second time in five months. The previous encounter took place at Wembley in February as part of the Football Association's one hundred and fiftieth anniversary celebrations, and saw England claim their first victory over the South Americans in twenty three years. A Wayne Rooney goal gave the home side a 1-0 lead at half-time, which was subsequently cancelled out when Fred punished a defensive error just three minutes into the second period. However, Frank Lampard continued his goalscoring exploits after coming on from the substitutes' bench, netting from the edge of the box on the hour mark to restore the lead that they never relinquished. Presented by odious greed bucket, horrorshow (and drag) Adrian Chiles, with grumpy monosyllabic interjections from Roy Keane and the world's most boring man, Gareth Southgate, and commentary by Clive Tyldesley. Andy Townsend is there although what, exactly, that clown does to justify his existence is a matter of some debate.

Broadcast in the US in the same week that the, horribly similar, case of the Ohio kidnapping case came to light, tonight's Hawaii Five-0 - 9:00 Sky 1 - is not for the squeamish. It's a properly terrific episode, though. The body of a teenage girl who was kidnapped ten years previously is discovered in the woods - just as, apparently, the same perpetrator strikes again and takes another pre-teen girl from her home. Meanwhile, Kono asks Catherine a favour, aware that it could damage her relationship with Adam. Crime drama, starring Alex O'Loughlin, Scott Caan, Grace Park, Daniel Dae Kim, Henry Rollins (he's hard) and Don Swayze.

Edmund is appointed Lord High Executioner in a classic episode of Blackadder II - 10:00 BBC2 - and moves a beheading forward from Wednesday to Monday so he and his staff can enjoy some time off. Unfortunately, he didn't take into account the Queen's tendency to change her mind on a whim. With hilarious consequences. Comedy, starring Rowan Atkinson, Tony Robinson, Stephen Fry and Miranda Richardson.

Monday 3 June
Eastwood's investigation into Olson's murder throws up some uncomfortable truths for Burns in The Fall - 9:00 BBC2. Meanwhile Gibson, feeling under increasing pressure, revisits the Sarah Kay crime scene with Reed Smith, where they discover a potential new lead. Spector comes under scrutiny from another source when his boss questions him about his visit to Liz Tyler. Thriller, starring Gillian Anderson.
In Platoon: The True Story - 8:00 Channel Five - Oliver Stone reveals the real-life events that inspired his Oscar-winning film and talks about the soldiers who he fought alongside in the Vietnam War, and who he immortalised on the big screen. This documentary examines how much of Platoon was based on Stone's personal recollections of the conflict and what was Hollywood fiction. The programme also features contributions by star Willem Dafoe and Dale Dye, the Vietnam veteran and former Marine who worked as the military adviser on the movie.

With access to the parents of Tamerlan and Dzhokhar Tsarnaev, the two brothers accused of carrying out the Boston Marathon bombings on 15 April, the latest episode of the Dispatches strand - Channel Four 8:00 - aims to tell The Secret Lives Of The Boston Bombers. This documentary plots their lives in the years leading up to the incident and examines what could have led them to become killers. Including interviews with friends and neighbours of the suspects, and survivors of the attack.

Tuesday 4 June
In the latest series of CSI's big Sara-solo episode, Sara celebrates her birthday in a hotel with recent acquaintance Taylor Wynard. Who, somewhat inevitably, is found dead the next morning having been stabbed with a steak knife. A lot. After Finn sends Sara home to get some rest, Mrs Grissom gets the shock of her life when she opens her dishwasher and finds the murder weapon inside, while the team discovers a necklace belonging to her behind the victim's bed. And records from her key card indicate she didn't return to her room when she said she did. It's all looking a bit awkward. But, of course, there's a rational - if massively complex - reason behind it. Revenge. Imported crime drama, starring Jorja Fox.

How fitting that the Voyager probes should have launched in 1977, the year of Star Wars. But the findings beamed back from both spacecraft surpassed even George Lucas's wildest imaginings. Even at an early stage mission spokesman and storytelling genius Carl Sagan summed up how astronomers and laymen alike became inspired by what they were seeing: 'It's impossible to look at these pictures with only a scientific cast of mind because they are simply exquisite.' The probes were launched and became the first man-made objects to visit Jupiter, Saturn, Neptune and Uranus. Having travelled eleven billion miles to date, the pair now journey beyond the influence of Earth's sun, bearing a record of human civilisation in case of discovery by other species. Marking thirty five years since Voyagers 1 and 2 blasted off, Voyager - 9:00 BBC4 - sees the story of their dazzling discoveries retold with passion and joy: from the churning storms of Jupiter and the bulge behind one of its moons, Io, which turned out to be a volcano to the vast nitrogen geysers of Triton. But first, presenter Dallas Campbell takes us way back to Sputnik, and the 'three-body problem' which needed cracking before a single blueprint could be drawn. It's a thrilling tale of machine exploration and human endeavour. If you see nothing else, tune in for the last five minutes as the words of Carl Sagan play out over images of mankind. It's spine-tingling.
John Simm, Max Beesley, Philip Glenister and Marc Warren return in the third series of Mad Dogs - 9:00 Sky 1 - the drama about four friends enduring the foreign holiday from hell. Having been pinched by the bobbies (steady) at the end of the last series, the new run begins with the unlucky quartet banged up in a dilapidated prison in Morocco, where they face various forms of interrogation. Jaime Winstone joins the cast as their feisty fellow prisoner Mercedes.
Wednesday 5 June
It's the day of Pauline Paradise's retirement from her job as a lollipop lady, but she's disappointed to learn hardly anyone cares - least of all her husband Ken in the opening episode of Stewart Harcourt's Love & Marriage - ITV 9:00. Feeling increasingly discombobulated and put upon by her family, as you do, the pressure builds when Pauline's father has an accident and she seeks comfort from Ken, who cruelly dismisses her. It's the last straw and she decides the time has come to pursue a new life. Comedy drama, starring Alison Steadman and Duncan Preston, with Ashley Jensen, Graeme Hawley, Zoe Telford, Celia Imrie, Larry Lamb, Niky Wardley and Bruce Alexander.

D-Day: As It Happens is a two-part documentary, a twenty four-hour event chronicling the Normandy landings on 1944, playing out in real time across TV, mobile devices and the web, bringing to life the experiences of seven people who were there during the invasion, through a series of moment-by-moment updates. The first programme tells the back stories of the participants, among them a paratrooper, a submariner, a nurse and a cameraman, and sets out their missions over the hours to come. Presented by Peter Snow with former Marine Arthur Williams and expert insights from former British Army officer Colonel Tim Collins and frontline journalist Lorna Ward. Concludes tomorrow at 9pm.

Booth is reunited with his mother after twenty four years apart in the latest episode of Bones - 9:00 Sky Living. But, how will he take the news she has been away all this time raising another family? Meanwhile, the team investigates the death of a high-flying stockbroker who moonlighted as a male stripper, and figuring out why the wealthy victim dabbled in exotic dancing could prove key to solving the crime. With Body of Proof's Joanna Cassidy.
Thursday 6 June
Lucie Green and Chris Lintott discuss the lives of stars, which can range massively in size and brightness, and what happens when they die in the latest episode of The Sky At Night - 7:30 BBC4. They also consider how the sun will eventually grow old and become a red giant, possibly consuming the inner planets - including Earth. Bummer.

Life Savers - 9:00 BBC1 - is a documentary capturing the real-life drama of frontline emergency medicine, following patients from the roadside to life-saving treatment and recovery at Addenbrooke's Hospital in Cambridge, the first regional major trauma centre to become fully operational. The team is called out when a head-on collision traps a family of three in one car and a single driver in the other - while at the hospital, hi-tech equipment used by the paramedics allows consultant Rod Mackenzie to determine that the mother needs a life-saving operation at the scene of the crash, putting his colleagues' skills to the test.

In The Alps Murders - 10:00 Channel Four - we're presented with a documentary looking 'behind the headlines' of last year's shootings near Annecy in the French Alps, which claimed the lives of three members of a British family and French cyclist Sylvain Mollier. The investigation into the mysterious killings involved agencies from several countries, but with no obvious motives or suspects identified, conspiracy theories and speculation have seen the victims linked with both religious extremism and espionage. The programme features interviews with a close friend of the al-Hillis and the hiker who found the crime scene.

Friday 7 June
World's Most Extreme Airports - 10:00 Channel Five - is a feature-length documentary highlighting the treacherous conditions at 10 of the world's most dangerous airports. Airline pilots and staff face a constant battle to ensure a smooth and safe operation as they deal with a number of challenging obstacles, including unpredictable weather, tough terrain, high-rise buildings and short runways.

Ian Mortimer explores the world of the era's rich and privileged, revealing that money alone was not enough to allow someone to blend in with the royal court in The Time Traveller's Guide to Elizabethan England - 9:00 BBC2. He examines the secret codes of manners, dress, hygiene and dancing that existed among the elite, with even something as simple as the size of a ruff enough to betray an out-of-date outfit and lead to exclusion from the upper levels of society. So, you see, dear blog reader, what your mother told you was a load of old codpiece - size really is important.
And so, to the news: Matthew Rhys has been cast as Mr Darcy in BBC1's upcoming adaptation of Death Comes to Pemberley. The Brothers & Sisters actor joins pouty-faced Anna Maxwell Martin and Matthew Goode, who will play Elizabeth Bennett and George Wickham respectively, in the drama based on PD James's novel. Adapted by Calendar Girls writer Juliette Towhidi, the three-part series is set six years after the events in Pride and Prejudice and centres around a murder mystery plot. Rhys said: 'Exciting as it is, one of the challenges of a part such as Darcy are the comparisons that will be drawn to those who've institutionalised him in the past. The beauty of Pemberley is that it is an entirely new and different Darcy six years on. And also, I don't have to appear from a lake in a white shirt and breeches!' Goode added: 'I'm thrilled to be involved in this adaptation of Death Comes to Pemberley. I have long been an admirer of Jane Austen and in particular of Pride and Prejudice. More exciting still is the chance to work with Matthew Rhys who is not only one of the most talented actors of my generation but also the most fun.' Filming will begin on location in Yorkshire next month, with support and investment from Screen Yorkshire.

The actress Amanda Bynes has claimed that she was 'sexually harassed' by police when she was charged with throwing a marijuana bong out of the window of her thirty sixth-floor Manhattan apartment. The twenty seven-year-old former child star first alleged during a court appearance on Friday that police illegally entered her apartment after being called to her building. But in a Twitter message believed to be from Bynes posted on Saturday, the allegation was made that her arresting officer also sexually harassed her. New York City Police Department is said to be 'looking into' the allegations. 'As it would with any such allegation, regardless of its credibility, IAB is investigating it,' said the NYPD's chief spokesman, Paul Browne. The Twitter handle used to make the allegations does not appear to be verified by the social network - but Bynes' friend, former Hollywood publicist Jonathan Jaxson, said the tweet was made from the actress's account. Meanwhile, the Hairspray actress has defended herself after she appeared in court in a messy blonde wig to deny charges of marijuana possession. She also took to Twitter to say she doesn't 'drink or do drugs.' Bynes was arrested on Thursday. She was charged with unlawful possession of marijuana, reckless endangerment and attempted tampering with physical evidence after she allegedly threw a bong out of her apartment window in front of police. 'I only smoke tobacco I don't drink or do drugs. I've never had a bong in my life!' she tweeted. 'I need to get another nose job after seeing my mugshot!' Bynes wore grey sweatpants and a long-sleeved black shirt as she was released after spending a night in the cells. Her lawyer denied the charges and accused police of entering the actress's apartment illegally. New York police were called to Bynes' Forty Seventh Street Manhattan building after an employee there reported that someone was smoking marijuana in the building's lobby. Police said they were then directed to Bynes' apartment, where the actress invited them in. Officers said they detected 'a strong smell of marijuana' in the apartment and observed the bong in the apartment. Bynes then, allegedly, grabbed the bong and threw it out of the window and she was taken into custody, police said. The actress, who has had several brushes with the law in the past year and is on probation for driving on a suspended licence in California, was ordered to return to court on 9 July to face the music.

The American actor Steve Forrest, best known in Britain for the 1960s action series The Baron, in which he played the lead role, has died at his home in America aged eighty seven. He was lured to the UK in 1964 by ATV boss Lord Lew Grade to star as John Mannering, an antiques dealer and sometime undercover agent working in an informal capacity for the head of British Diplomatic Intelligence. Produced by ATV's sister company ITC – which produced big budget dramas on film – The Baron became the first full colour series to be made for the network. Back in America, Forrest also became well known for his lead role in Aaron Spelling's short-lived ABC TV drama S.W.A.T in the mid-1970s where he played Lieutenant Hondo Harrelson. Steve made a cameo appearance in the 2003 film version of S.W.A.T and is also remembered for his roles in Dallas, Bonanza and A Man Called Ironside. Before television Steve had also appeared in a number of movies including co-starring with the likes of Ronald Reagan, Elvis Presley and Barbara Eden. He was born in Huntsville, Texas in 1925, the youngest of thirteen children of a baptist minister. One of his older brothers was the film actor Dana Andrews. Steve enlisted into the army at age eighteen and fought at the Battle of the Bulge during World War II. In 1950 he earned a bachelor's degree, with honours, from UCLA, majoring in theatre with a minor in psychology. He worked as a stagehand at the La Jolla Playhouse near San Diego. There, Gregory Peck discovered him, cast him in La Jolla's production of Goodbye Again, and then arranged for Forrest's first screen test with MGM, which signed him to a contract. Among Steve's notable films are So Big, for which he won the Golden Globe Award, The Longest Day, North Dallas Forty and Mommie Dearest. He had cameo roles in the comedies Spies Like Us and Amazon Women on the Moon. Steve was also a trained vocalist, and he made his debut on Broadway as prizefighter Bob Stanton in the 1958 production of The Body Beautiful opposite Mindy Carson, Jack Warden and Brock Peters. Steve married Christine Carilas on 23 December 1948. They had three sons: Michael, Forrest and Stephen Andrews.

Which brings us to today's Keith Telly Topping's 45 of the Day. as a hangover from watching Beware of Mr Baker on Saturday, yer actual Keith Telly Topping has spent much of the weekend listening to Disraeli Gears. Not that you actually need a reason for such a conceit, of course, but having one certainly helps. So, without further ado, take it away, you three. (I'm not sure which is the funnier about this particular clip, Jack Bruce's furry hat or Clapton's nasty 'tasche.)