The head of the TV archive Kaleidoscope has
suggested that missing episodes of
Doctor Who are 'known' to still exist, but remain in private collections. Out of two hundred and fifty three episodes from the show's first six series (1963 to 1969), ninety seven remain missing from the BBC archives in their original form, due to the BBC's policy of junking archive programming between 1967 and 1978 (you knew all
that, right? And, if you didn't, then you must be new to this very blog because we've
covered this subject before.
Several times. Many
many times). Speaking to
Radio Times (if not anyone slightly more reliable), Chris Perry - the CEO of the TV archive Kaleidoscope, whom this blogger knew back in the day and has always regarded as a very knowledgeable chap - said that it is 'very likely' more lost episodes will be recovered in the future. 'We know there is missing
Doctor Who out there but the owners won't return it at the moment,' he revealed. 'Every year we find fifty to seventy lost programmes, some famous titles and internationally known names and others not, but significant examples of regional television output, for example.' Kaleidoscope was founded in 1987 and since 1995 has worked in partnership with the BFI on its
Missing Believed Wiped initiative to recover, restore and return British television to the archives. And more power to their elbow for the excellent work they do.
Russell Davies has warned
Doctor Who fans they 'won't be laughing' at a pivotal moment in the third of this year's
Doctor Who sixtieth anniversary episodes. They once laughed at this blogger when he suggested he wanted to be a stand-up comedian when he grew up. Well, they're not laughing
now. Anyway, the BBC's popular, long-running family SF drama revealed (via
Instagram) that the final episode in the three-parter is titled
The Giggle, with a
short trailer showing David Tennant's Doctor expressing his disgust at a formidable new villain. 'He's here. Driving you mad. Laughing at the human race,' says The Doctor, seemingly referring to Neil Patrick Harris's as-yet-unidentified villain (but we all know he's going to be The Celestial Toymaker, really). Despite its title, Davies wrote in the comments section, assuring fans that the episode won't simply be a barrel of laughs, adding: 'Oh you won't be laughing when ...', followed by a sad-faced emoji. And, all of this was
reported by the
Radio Times (which used to be run by adults).
Are you the person in your family, dear blog reader, who gets text messages from your nephew asking you to ring your brother and, when you do, perhaps expecting bad news (even if the text
did include a smiley-face emoji) it is simply so that they can 'la-la-la' a tune to you down the phone and ask you to identify it? To satisfy a bet, or something. This blogger only asks this because, in
his family, Keith Telly Topping
is that very man. Incidentally, the la-la-la'd tune in question was
this as it happens. And this blogger recognised and identified it without even pausing to think. God, dear blog reader, Keith Telly Topping is
good!
As it happens identifying this particular John Barry tune had long been the subject of a, seemingly impossible, quest for this blogger during the 1980s and 1990s. This blogger knew the tune, well, from the Australian Broadcast Corporation's
highlights programmes of The Ashes from the 1970s which used to get shown on BBC2 late at night in Britain. For years this blogger tried to find out what this tune was; Keith Telly Topping wrote to the BBC asking if they could identify it (they were nice enough to reply but were, ultimately, no help since it wasn't their programme); this blogger wrote to ABC (airmail) and, sadly, didn't even get a reply from them; he tried a couple of cricket message boards during the early days of his Interweb usage in the mid-1990s (several people tried to convince this blogger that he was thinking of 'Soul Limbo' by Booker T & The MGs. Barely keeping his temper in check, this blogger replied - several times - '
no! That's
Test Match Special here in the UK, this is the
Australian version!'); this blogger even wrote to couple of relatives in Australia but no one knew or could provide a convincing argument for what it might be. Keith Telly Topping had even started to believe that it might have been a piece of original music. Perhaps made up by some guy in the Aussie equivalent of the Radiophonics Workshop in a basement studio in Sydney with a minimoog and a budget of four pee. And, that in such circumstances, it almost certainly had never been commercially released. Then, one night in the late 1990s, this blogger was watching a TV showing of
Midnight Cowboy (a film which this blogger
was already quite familiar with having seen it several times, so Christ only knows how it hadn't registered previously). And, suddenly, during the scene in which Ratso Rizzo
imagines a fantasy of himself and Joe Buck living the high-life in Flordia surrounded by women they can sponge from, this blogger realised 'Ohmigod, that's
it!' That what he now knew was called 'Florida Fantasy' was, in fact, something written and recorded by one of Keith Telly Topping's musical heroes on a million-selling soundtrack LP that had won a sodding Grammy! Oooo, this blogger was pure vexed (but, also, happy to have finally got a long-running monkey off his back).
The fact that this blogger subsequently discovered the same music had been used as the theme tune for the long-running BBC teatime wildlife programme
Wildtrack was an additional reason for wax to explode in this blogger's ears. His only excuse for not recalling this being that it was broadcast at a time when this blogger would've been out at work earning his living at the Department of Employment. Tony Soper, where were you when this blogger needed you?
As long-term dear blog readers will be aware, via Keith Telly Topping's essays on
British post-war B-movies,
The Corpse,
The Yellow Teddy Bears,
Saturday Night Out and
The Black Torment,
The Pleasure Girls,
Hell Is A City,
Cup Fever,
Face Of A Stranger and
Yield To The Night,
Hell Drivers,
The Day The Earth Caught Fire and
Game For Three Losers,
Hammer Films,
Blood Of The Vampire and
Good-Time Girl,
Beat Girl,
The Earth Dies Screaming,
Radio-Cab Murder,
Seven Days Till Noon,
Murder In Reverse,
The Gelignite Gang and
Dead Man's Chest,
Danger By My Side,
Night Of The Prowler,
Impact,
Smokescreen,
Girl In The Headlines and
The Narrowing Circle and
Local Hero,
From The North has sometimes seemed more like a film blog which, sometimes, discusses TV. Rather than the other way around which is, in theory, this blog's
raison d'être.
Mai oui. C'est la vie, chers lecteurs du blog. And, there
still seems no reason to stop such movie-related malarkey any time soon.
Anyway, dear blog reader, on Wednesday of last week, this blogger joined his fiend, Young Malcolm, in attending the local, in administration but
still open for business, CineWorld there to watch a film of our choice. And, you'd better believe him when this blogger says it was certainly
a blast.
You may have noticed that the reviews of
Oppenheimer have, largely, been of the
ecstatic-verging-on-'oh-I've-just-cum' variety. Cos, you know, this
is Christopher Nolan we're talking about and he's
a bit good, that lad. Take for instance
this. And
this. And
this. And
this. And
this. And
this (from a chap who, actually,
knows what he's talking about when it comes to quantum physics!) Although, of course, inevitably there's always some cheb-end
smear who
has to be different. Do you want a medal, mate?
The plot (and, do try to keep up because this goes on for a
long time. As, indeed, does the film). In 1926, twenty two-year-old J Robert Oppenheimer (
From The North favourite Cillian Murphy) suffers from homesickness and anxiety while studying under experimental physicist Patrick Blackett (James D'Arcy) at Cambridge. Upset with Blackett once too often, Oppenheimer retaliates by leaving him a poisoned apple, then narrowly prevents his hero, Niels Bohr (
From The North favourite Kenneth Branagh) from eating it. Oppenheimer completes his PhD in Germany and, later, meets theoretical physicist Werner Heisenberg (Matthias Schweighöfer). Who, surprisingly, appears a lot more
certain about life than history has thus far suggested. Oppenheimer returns to America, hoping to expand quantum physics research and begins teaching at Berkeley, forming a friendship with nuclear physicist Ernest Lawrence (Josh Hartnell) and gaining his own first disciple, Giovanni Lomanitz (Josh Zuckerman). He meets his future wife, Kitty (Emily Blunt), a biologist and ex-Communist and also has an intermittent affair with Jean Tatlock (
From The North favourite Florence Pugh whose extremely nice tits utterly
dominate the scenes in which they feature), a member of the Communist Party, until her - somewhat suspicious - suicide a few years later.
In 1942, with World War II in horribly full-swing, Colonel Leslie Groves (a terrific Matt Damon) recruits Oppenheimer to lead The Manhattan Project, America's newly-formed effort to develop an atomic bomb after Oppenheimer gives Groves assurances that he no longer has any Communist sympathies. Oppenheimer, who is Jewish, is particularly driven by the Nazis' potentially completing their nuclear weapons programme (headed by Heisenberg) first. Oppenheimer assembles a crack team including Edward Teller (Benny Safdle), Isidor Isaac Rabi (David Krumholtz) and Vannevar Bush (Matthew Modine) in Los Alamos, New Mexico to secretly create the bomb. Oppenheimer also collaborates with the scientists Enrico Fermi (Danny Deferrari), Kenneth Bainbridge (Josh Peck), David L Hill (Remi Malik), Lilli Hornig (Olivia Thirlby) and Richard Feynman (Jack Quaid) among many others - including, much to his later discomfort, even though Oppenheimer wasn't responsible for picking him - Klaus Fuchs (Christopher Denham). Oppenheimer and Albert Einstein (
From The North favourite Tom Conti) discuss how an atomic bomb risks triggering an unstoppable chain-reaction which could, potentially, set fire to the atmosphere and destroy the world.
After Germany surrenders, several project scientists question the bomb's continued importance, though Oppenheimer agrees with the Secretary of War, Henry Stimson (James Remer) and stresses that dropping the bomb will hasten the end of the war in the Pacific and, actually, save lives. The Trinity test is successfully conducted and President Truman
From The North favourite Gary Oldman) orders that Hiroshima and Nagasaki be bombed (a lot), forcing Japan's surrender. Oppenheimer is thrust into the public eye as 'the father of the atomic bomb' and becomes something of a celebrity in the immediate post-war years, but the immense destruction and massive fatalities haunt him. Feeling that he has blood on his hands, he urges Truman to restrict further nuclear weapon development, but the president coldly rejects Oppenheimer's advice, considering it 'cry-baby' weakness. As an advisor to the US Atomic Energy Commission, Oppenheimer advocates against further nuclear research, especially against the development of the even more powerful hydrogen bomb proposed by Teller. His stance becomes a point of contention amid the tension of the developing Cold War. AEC Chairman Lewis Strauss (
From The North favourite Robert Downey Jnr) resents Oppenheimer for publicly dismissing his concerns regarding the export of radioisotopes and for recommending arms reduction talks with the Soviet Union. He also believes that Oppenheimer turned Einstein against him.
At a hearing intended to eliminate his political influence, Oppenheimer is betrayed by Teller and other colleagues. Strauss - without getting his own hands dirty and aided by the likes of Boris Pash (Casey Afleck), Kenneth Nichols (Dane DeHaan) and, especially, hearsay evidence given by William Borden (David Dastmalchian) - exploits Oppenheimer's associations with Communists such as Tatlock, his friend Haakon Chevalier (Jefferson Hall) and Oppenheimer's own brother, Frank (Dylan Arnold). And, the discovery that Fuchs
was a Soviet spy is also used against him. The persecuting counsel, Roger Robb (Jason Clarke) gives Oppenheimer a vicious cross-examination (though, curiously, when he tries to also implicate Kitty, she makes mincemeat of him). Despite Rabi and several other scientific allies testifying in Oppenheimer's defence, Oppenheimer's security clearance is, ultimately, revoked damaging his public image and neutralising his influence on nuclear policy. During his hearing, Oppenheimer had testified on the left-wing activities of some of his colleagues. Had his clearance not been stripped, it has been suggested that he may have been remembered as someone who 'named names' to save his own reputation. But as it happened, most in the scientific community saw him as a martyr to McCarthyism, an eclectic liberal unjustly attacked by warmongering enemies and symbolic of the shift of scientific work from academia into the military. Wernher Von Braun, for instance, told a Congressional committee: 'In England, Oppenheimer would have been knighted.' Mind you, in England, Von Braun himself would have been
hanged as a war criminal. So, you know, swings and roundabouts, innit?
Four years later, Strauss has a Senate confirmation hearing after being President Eisenhower's nominee for Secretary of Commerce. Several Democrat members - including Gale McGee (
From The North favourite Harry Groener) and John Pastore (Tim DeKay) - grill Strauss on his role in Oppenheimer's treatment. Hill testifies about Strauss's personal agenda in engineering Oppenheimer's downfall and the US Senate votes against Strauss's nomination by three votes (one of them being then Senator John Kennedy). In 1963, President Johnson presents Oppenheimer with the Enrico Fermi Award as a public gesture of political rehabilitation. Teller, a previous recipient, had suggested Oppenheimer for the award and Oppenheimer appears to bear no ill-will towards his previous adversary (although Kitty remains visibly hostile). It is suggested that Oppenheimer and Einstein's earlier conversation was not regarding Strauss at all but, rather, something far more important; the far-reaching implications of nuclear weapons. Oppenheimer says that he believes he has started a chain reaction which will, ultimately, destroy the world.
Three hours long (as usual, this blogger's bum went
horribly numb after the first ninety minutes) and featuring a complex, non-linear juggling of a story around about four or five different time frames,
Oppenheimer is a critical summation of Christopher Nolan's approach to movie-making. It is, for the most part,
historically accurate and the few inaccuracies which
have been suggested are, mostly, down to the source material - Kai Bird and Martin Sherwin's
American Prometheus: The Triumph & Tragedy of J Robert Oppenheimer. Oppenheimer's grandson, Charles, said he had enjoyed the film but
did have a problem with the apple poisoning subplot (although he absolved Nolan of blame, noting that this came from the source biography). Oppenheimer himself
did describe the incident with Blackett's apple on a couple of occasions later in life, though it is unclear whether aspects of the poisoning story may have been exaggerated. The other point that has been picked up on by some eagle-eyed viewers is that in what is, perhaps, one of the movie's best scenes - Oppenheimer addressing his fellow scientists in the aftermath of Hiroshima and feeling the first stirrings of his horror at, as he later said, becoming 'death, the destroyer of worlds' -
the flags on display have fifty stars rather than forty eight as they would have had in 1945. It's a
tiny sidebar to a great movie but, as Abe Simpson
once noted, 'I'll be deep in the cold, cold ground before I recognise Missouri!'
For this blogger, the only slight problem he had - and, again, it's a small, aesthetic thing - is that if you ever see a photograph of the real-life Oppenheimer and the real-life Leslie Groves, you'll note that Groves is about six inches the taller of the two men. Matt Damon is
many things and his Groves is one of the best thing about the movie, but tall,
isn't one of them! As this blogger's fiend and fellow movie-goer Young Malcolm noted, if this film had been made in the 1950s, that part would've been played by a
really tall actor like John Wayne or Robert Mitchum whilst, in all likelihood, Oppenheimer would've been a role
made for Jimmy Stewart. In an alternate universe somewhere, John Ford or Anthony Mann directed it and it won about eight Oscars in 1957. Interestingly, of course, approximately the same story
has previously been told on a couple of occasions, notably in the BBC's fine seven-part 1980 series
Oppenheimer (starring Sam Waterston, David Suchet and Edward Hardwicke) which the BBC, rather opportunistically, though not unwelcomely, have just stuck up on
iPlayer so those who enjoyed the film can check that out too. And, also, in Roland Joffe's 1989 film
Fat Man & Little Boy (released in the UK as
Shadow Makers), starring Paul Newman as Groves and Dwight Schultz as Oppenheimer. Neither are as good as
Oppenheimer but both are more than decent and well worth a visit if you get the chance.
Cillian Murphy is, of course, superb in the title role and has an Oscar nomination, surely, his for the taking. In an outstanding ensemble cast, the other standout performance is Downey Jnr who spends the first two thirds of the film portraying Strauss as rather misunderstood; if not a wholly sympathetic man then certainly no cartoon black and white villain. However, he's shown to be an unreliable narrator of his own story and, in the movie's final act, frankly, he deserves everything he gets.
Costing one hundred million dollars to make, it was widely reported - in view of the recent catastrophic financial failure of the fifth
Indiana Jones movie - that
Oppenheimer was considered to be a risk and that it would need to take somewhere in the region of four hundred million bucks to break even. As at the time of writing, it is
already past that figure after a mere three weeks of release and is well on the way to making a shitload more. It and
Barbie - released on the same day - have, not to put too fine a point of it, 'saved cinema' (the jury is still out on whether another blockbuster,
Mission: Impossible - Dead Reckoning Part One will also make a big enough profit to fully justify its existence). Described as 'a towering achievement' by the
Gruniad Morning Star and 'the best film of the century so far' by
Paul Schrader,
Oppenheimer hasn't been to everyone's tastes; take
this prick of no importance at
Forbes, for example. All you really need to know is this blogger thought it was
great. Here endeth the lesson.
So dear blog reader, is it completely bloody illogical to say that this blogger
really enjoyed the
Strange New Worlds musical episode -
Subspace Rhapsody -
except for the music? Not the singing, that was very good (and, there was even a reasonably coherent rationale behind the episode's existence which this blogger wasn't sure whether to expect or not). No, rather it was swelling strings of
massive orchestration which accompanied all the songs that quickly got right on this blogger's tit-end! They
really missed a trick by, when the entire bridge was bursting into song, not having the lift doors open to reveal a string octet in there playing away!
That would've been funny. This blogger simply couldn't get past the stumbling block of 'where's that music coming from? I know where the singing's coming from but shouldn't it be acapella unless there's a small orchestra somewhere in Engineering?' But, that apart, this blogger enjoyed the episode greatly and Keith Telly Topping is glad that the episode seems to have
gone down so well in terms of the reviews.
And, that it's annoyed a number of very serious strokey-beard fandom types who probably deserve a bit of annoying every so often. This blogger specifically loved the
Once More With Feeling allusions (about as subtle as a flying brick, admittedly, but still funny). Given Big Rusty's freely acknowledged love of musical theatre, this blogger is pretty willing to place a tenner at Ladbrokes now that we'll get a
Doctor Who musical episode with the next couple of series. It's gonna happen, dear blog reader. Plus, '
no one needs signing Klingons' might, just, be this blogger's favourite
Star Trek line ever.
'Do Jasper Carrott want to play Scunthorpe Baths?' 'They
might. How much?' 'Oi, Carrott, d'you wanna play Scunthorpe Baths for three hundred quid?' 'I'll
drink Scunthorpe Baths for three hundred quid!'
Memorably Daft Lines From British Horror & SF Movies Of The 1950s and 1960s. Number Fifteen:
Dracula. Peter Cushing: I'm sorry, Mister Holmwood, but I really cannot tell you anything more about how he died.' Michael Gough: 'Cannot or will not?' Peter Cushing: 'Whichever you wish.'
Memorably Daft Lines From British Horror & SF Movies Of The 1950s and 1960s. Number Sixteen:
Captain Clegg. Patrick Allen: 'How did he die, man?' Michael Ripper: 'Doctor Pepper signed the certificate Natural Causes. But, I should have thought from the look of the poor fellow, he died for fright!'
Memorably Daft Lines From British Horror & SF Movies Of The 1950s and 1960s. Number Seventeen:
The Day The Earth Caught Fire. Edward Judd: 'Listen, your job is to pass messages on, when you're asked!' Janet Munro: 'My job is to do what I'm told by the people who gave me the job and anyway, this isn't my job; I'm from the Pool.' Edward Judd: 'Well, then why don't you dive back in and drown?'
Memorably Daft Lines From British Horror & SF Movies Of The 1950s and 1960s. Number Eighteen:
The Snorkel. Mandy Miller: 'You think I'm mad, don't you? They all thought I was mad when I said he killed my daddy!'
Memorably Daft Lines From British Horror & SF Movies Of The 1950s and 1960s. Number Nineteen:
Peeping Tom. Moira Shearer: 'What paper are you from?' Karlheinz Böhm: 'The
Observer.'
Memorably Daft Lines From British Horror & SF Movies Of The 1950s and 1960s. Number Twenty:
The Mummy. Michael Ripper: 'I've seen the likes tonight that mortal eyes shouldn't look at.' Gerald Lawson: 'You've been around to Molly Grady's again?!'
Which, as this blogger's fine fiend Tim noted, sounds like the set-up for a Pete and Dud routine. 'The worst job I ever had was ramming a pointy stick into a mummy's cleavage.'
Et cetera.
Memorably Daft Lines From British Horror & SF Movies Of The 1950s and 1960s. Number Twenty One:
X - The Unknown. Dean Jagger: 'It's a particle of mud, but by virtue of its atomic structure it emits radiation. That's all it is, just mud. How do you kill
mud?'
Memorably Daft Lines From British Horror & SF Movies Of The 1950s and 1960s. Number Twenty Two:
The Man Who Could Cheat Death. Hazel Court: 'But George, you just can't stand there and tell me that you're going away and never coming back without giving me an explanation.' Anton Diffring: 'My work makes it necessary.' Hazel Court: 'Because you're a doctor?' Anton Diffring: "Yes.
Partly!'
Memorably Daft Lines From British Horror & SF Movies Of The 1950s and 1960s. Number Twenty Three:
The Trollenberg Terror. Warren Mitchell: 'Well, Alan, for the first time in weeks The Trollenberg is free from clouds.' Forrest Tucker: 'Let's hope it stays that way!'
Memorably Daft Lines From British Horror & SF Movies Of The 1950s and 1960s. Number Twenty Four:
Daleks - Invasion Earth: 2150 AD. Peter Cushing: 'We'll have to bypass Watford. The place is
full of Daleks!'
Now, dear blog reader, 'if The Kidz are United, we will
never be de -
click ...'
So we arrive at the part of
From The North dedicated to this blogger's on-going medical malarkey. Or, strictly speaking,
malarkeys as there are several of them. For those dear blog readers who haven't been following this on-going fiasco which appears to have been on-going longer than the half-life of plutonium, it goes like this: Keith Telly Topping
spent some weeks around Christmas 2021 into New Year 2022 feeling rotten; experienced
five days in hospital; was
discharged; received
B12 injections; then
more injections; somewhat recovered his missing
appetite; got an initial
diagnosis; had a
consultant's meeting;
continued to suffer fatigue and insomnia; endured
a second endoscopy; had another
consultation; got (unrelated)
toothache; had an
extraction; which took ages to
heal; had
another consultation; spent a week where
nothing remotely health-related occurred; was given
further B-12 injections; had an
echocardiogram; received more
blood extractions; made another
hospital visit; saw the unwelcome insomnia and torpor
continue;
received yet more blood tests; had
a rearranged appointment for his sick note; suffered
his worst period yet with the fatigue. Until the
following week. And, then the
week after that. Oh, the
fatigue, dear blog reader. The
depressing, ceaseless fatigue. He had a go on
the Blood-Letting Machine; got
another sickie; had
an assessment; was given his
fourth COVID jab; got some
surprising news about his assessment; had the results of his
annual diabetes check-up; had another
really bad week
with the fatigue; followed by one with the
sciatica; then one with the
chronic insomnia; and, one with a plethora of
general cold-related grottiness. Which continued over
the Christmas period and
into New Year. There was that '
slipping in The Stately Telly Topping Manor Plague House bath and putting his knee through the side' thing; the night-time
leg cramps;
getting some new spectacles and this blogger's
return to the East End pool. Only to discover he remains as weak of a kitten in the water. Or, indeed,
out of it. Feeling
genuinely wretched. Experiencing
a particularly nasty bout of gastroenteritis. Visited by an
occupational therapist. The 'accidentally going out in my
slippers' malarkey. The
dreaded return of the dreaded insomnia and the dreaded return of
the dreaded fatigue.
Last week saw the latest of this blogger's tri-monthly prickage in The Stately Telly Topping Manor Plague House arm. And, it did knack like buggery, dear blog reader. As usual. Afterwards, the delightful Nurse Ami and Keith Telly Topping talked films as a way of taking this blogger's mind of the searing pain of the fresh B12 spearing.
Oppenheimer (which Nurse Ami hasn't seen yet and wasn't sure that she wanted to but which her husband
really wants to),
Barbie (which she
has seen but this blogger hasn't, yet) and
Mission: Impossible - Dead Reckoning (Part One) (which neither of us have seen but we both want to though it might have to wait till it comes on a streaming platform).
As
previously mentioned, this blogger has been suffering from some
really weird and often disturbing dreams of late; last week he experienced another one which, quite literally, dragged him from The Stately Telly Topping Manor Plague House pit and forced him to turn on the PC on and tell the world (or, at least, his four hundred odd
Facebook fiends) about it. This blogger was at Gallifrey (the convention that is,
not the planet) but, it was very different from how Keith Telly Topping remembered the convention from the
last time he was there in 2014. It was being held in a
massive sports stadium, for one and this blogger found himself on-stage because he was doing the last interview of the convention. It was with Colin Baker. Keith Telly Topping introduced Baker in a way that, actually, this blogger probably
would introduce Colin Baker if this blogger were to be interviewing him in front of eighty thousand punters ('he has been described, by me, as "The Doctor who, during anniversary specials, all the other Doctors tell to piss off, stand at the back and say nothing!"') This blogger thence proceeded to go through all of the - many - things that are so manifestly wrong with Mister Baker's era and he was, mostly, agreeing with this blogger and, surprisingly,
not kicking Keith Telly Topping's heed in (which was more-or-less the point that this blogger knew this was going to be one of
those sort of dreams). It was all very convivial and pleasant and the - massive - audience seemed to be enjoying it as much as we were. Then this blogger received a message in his ear that he should wind up the interview, quickly, because something special was going to happen. And then, all of the Doctors (including the four dead ones) came out on stage and started doing a song and dance routine - singing
'Vindaloo' by Fat Les. National heartthrob David Tennant was doing the main Keith Allen vocals and the rest were joining in on the shouty bits of the chorus. This blogger recalls thinking 'David, when you sing "We're from England", you
do realise that you're
not and neither are three of your bandmates?' And then, they all conga'd down off the stage and through the audience still doing the 'Nah-nah-nah/nah-nah-nah/nah-na-na-na-na-na-nah' bit and out of the gaff with the audience dancing and singing after them just like in the video. This blogger was left, alone on the stage with a sweeping brush and was told he had best get to work cos the place had to be ready for the next convention in half-an-hour; it was going to be the
Stargate crowd and they're
very picky about rubbish being left over from the previous convention. So, there you go Gally organisers, there is a
top idea for next February. Of course, you'll have to hire the Pasadena Rose Bowl and hold some sort of witchcraft ceremony to get Mssrs Hartnell, Troughton, Pertwee and Hurt along. But, it
has potential. This blogger is going to have to stop eating cheese before he goes to bed.
'Tennant could totally carry that, though I'd prefer Tom for the "me & me mum & me dad & me gran" bit' noted this blogger's most excellent fiend Carrie. This blogger concurs.
'Can you help me? I've erred.' 'Well, we've
all 'eared, ducky!'
'My name? Why yes, it's SW Ryder ... Gonna lie down beside ya, fill ya full of junk.'
Moving on to various recent Us Dinner(s) At The Stately Telly Topping Manor Plague House, last week saw another appearance of Chicken, Mushroom and Sweetcorn Fricassee (with parsley, cumin, oregano and garlic) on the menu.
The other evening, this blogger
really fancied curry, rice and chips, dear blog reader. Sadly, the local takeaway wasn't open for another two hours. That said, whilst this blogger definitely wouldn't wish to hang by his neck for that long, ultimately, in the great scheme of things, two hours isn't
that long to wait. Even if you
are Hank Marvin.
The following Thought For The Day appeared on this blogger's
Facebook page recently.
An interesting suggestion as it happens. Though, this blogger found it necessary to point out one minor flaw in the original poster's, otherwise flawless, plan. 'If we stop
Facebooking then we won't see this message,' this blogger advised. 'So, shouldn't we also, equally, be thanking God for
Facebook? And, you know, the ability of sight. And the ability of speech. Where's it all going to end? " ... And, thank you God, for the garlic pizza bread I had for lunch today"?'
Also, from
Facebook, this blogger noted the following
link to an article entitled
The Hyper-Regional Chippy Traditions Of Britain & Ireland. The first item caused this blogger to post the following: '[This blogger] has lived in Newcastle for fifty nine of the last fifty nine years and [this blogger] has never, not
ever,
not even once ever
heard of Bolognese Chips being 'a thing' as claimed by the lass who is, seemingly, happy to be pictured flashing her knickers off in this piece of (alleged) journalism. Curry and chips? Yes. Gravy and chips? Yes. Garlic mayonnaise and chips? Yes (even though those who eat such a thing are the spawn of Satan and will spend eternity frying in their own juices). Spam fritter and chips. Yes, but, you know
spam.
This! Will! Not! Stand!
Media regulator Ofcom (a government appointed quango, elected by no one) has
launched four new investigations into hateful right-wing louse-scum GB News after complaints that the channel broke impartiality rules. Three episodes of shows hosted by Conservative MPs (people who actually
were elected to represent their constituents ... and then chose, instead, to get paid for talking scummish bollocks on TV) are being investigated in relation to a rule that politicians can't normally act as news presenters. Programmes hosted by wretched horrorshow (and drag) Sir Jacob Rees-Mogg, worthless nobody Philip Davies and that vile and odious McVey Woman are among those being examined. It takes the number of active Ofcom investigations into GB News to seven. The UK media watchdog has a rule which prevents politicians from acting as newsreaders, interviewers or reporters in news programmes 'unless, exceptionally, it is editorially justified.' However, some news networks have argued that their programmes hosted by politicians do not break these rules because they should be classed as 'current affairs' rather than news. Which is a bit like The Club Formerly Known As Moscow Chelski FC spending nearly half-a-billion quid in the January transfer window but managing
not to break Financial Fair Play rules by some slippery malarkey involving spreading the payments out over lengthy contract periods. In other words, it might be legal, but it still
stinks. In June, Ofcom commissioned research into public attitudes towards such programmes to decide whether the rules should change. On Monday, Ofcom said that it was looking into three editions of GB News programmes in relation to the restrictions on politicians acting as news presenters. They include the 13 June episode of the slappable Mogg's show
State Of The Nation, which covered a stabbing in Nottingham. The regulator is also investigating the 12 May episode of
Friday Morning With Ester & Phil, which featured issues including a teenager who was being sentenced for terrorism offences. The following day's
Saturday Morning With Esther & Phil is
also being investigated under the 'politicians as presenters' rule, as well as another rule which states that news must be presented 'with due impartiality.' That episode featured an interview with Howard Cox - the Reform UK Party's candidate for the London mayoral election - who was speaking live from an anti-Ultra Low Emission Zone demonstration. Finally, Ofcom is investigating an episode of that risible loony Laurence Fox's programme from 16 June, when it was being guest-presented by Martin Daubney (no, me neither). That show featured an interview with Reform UK leader Richard Tice and included a discussion about immigration and asylum policy. The regulator said that it was looking into whether the programme broke rules requiring due impartiality to be 'preserved on matters of major political or industrial controversy, or those relating to current public policy and that an appropriately wide range of significant views are included and given due weight.' A spokesman for GB News declined to comment on the investigations. There are three other Ofcom investigations into the channel - relating to Mogg's disgusting excuse for a show, Davies and McVey's disgraceful programme and the channel's
Don't Kill Cash campaign.
From The North's recommended 'think-piece you might want to consider reading' in this latest bloggerisationism update is Robert Reich's
Will Donald Trump Be Jailed Before His Trial? in the
Gruniad Morning Star. To which the most probable answer is, almost certainly, 'no, but it'd be pure dead funny if he
was.'
Nominations for this week's
From The North Headline Of The Week award include the
BBC News website's
Boris Johnson's Swimming Pool Plans Threatened By Newts. Which is strange, because this blogger always believed invertebrates were amongst Bashing Boris's biggest fans.
Or, from the same source,
Joe Pasquale Impaled In Freak Moose Antler Incident In Skegness.
The
Shropshire Star's
Band With Unfortunate Name Responds To 'Awful Coincidence' Over Cancelled Crooked House Gig isn't
that remarkable, in and of itself. But the accompanying story, about Sally Rae Morris and Stephen Marks, who perform as Gasoline & Matches, 'addressing the public' over their 'unfortunate band name' after a poster 'went viral in the hours following the destruction of the much-loved pub' is worth its weight in comedy gold.
There's also the
Seattle Times'
Seattle Psychic Startup Hit By Copyright Lawsuit It Never Saw Coming. 'Unforseen circumstances', no doubt.
And, if only for the sake of further supreme irony, the
Bournemouth Echo's
story about a church having to raise fifty thousand knicker to fix its storm-damaged roof because their insurers don't believe this was 'an act of God' takes some beating.
A story which is, let us be clear about this, pretty much
exactly what the acronym ROTFL&KMLITALOOTROTFMGSA was made for.
Early last week, dear blog readers, it was
reported that NASA had picked up a 'heartbeat' signal from Voyager 2 after it had, previously, lost contact with the probe billions of miles away from Earth. Last month, the spacecraft - exploring the universe, along with its twin Voyager I, since 1977 - tilted its antenna to point two degrees away from Earth after a wrong command was sent by some plank who, one assumes, has since been sacked. As a result, the probe stopped receiving commands or sending data. But on Tuesday, NASA said that a signal from Voyager 2 was picked up during a regular scan of the sky. And then, just a couple of days later, the terrific news was
received that contact had been fully re-established. NASA had originally pinned hopes on the spacecraft resetting itself in October. It took thirty seven hours for mission controllers to figure out if the interstellar command had worked as Voyager 2 is so distant from Earth. Staff used the 'highest-power transmitter' to send a message to the spacecraft and timed it to be sent during 'the best conditions' so the antenna lined up with the command, Voyager project manager Suzanne Dodd told AFP. After communications were lost, the probe had been unable to receive commands or send back data to NASA's Deep Space Network - an array of giant radio antennas across the world. But the space agency confirmed on 4 August that data had been received from the spacecraft and it was operating normally.
Of course, Voyager II and Voyager I are the spacecraft which contain NASA's famous '
golden record' which will introduce aliens to the sights, the sounds
and the smells of Earth. The record contains music including extracts from Mozart's 'The Magic Flute', Beethoven's Fifth Symphony, Stravinsky's 'The Rite Of Spring' and Bach's Brandenburg Concerto - the latter despite Carl Sagan reportedly reacting to the suggestion it be included with 'no, that would just be
showing off!' As a particularly memorable episode of
The West Wing -
The Warfare Of Genghis Khan -
noted, the record also includes 'Dark Was The Night, Cold Was The Ground' by bluesman Blind Willie Johnson who died, penniless, in his forties but whose music has now
left the solar system. According to Sagan's book they wanted to include a song by the Be-Atles (a popular beat combo of the 1960s, you might've heard of them) but thought they'd have trouble licencing anything by Lennon and McCartney given that Northern Songs was owned by Lew Grade at the time. (Sir Lew, subsequently, heard the story and said he'd've been delighted to give them anything they wanted since he knew the value of good publicity better than most). Instead, they chose 'Here Comes The Sun' but when they went to EMI to licence the song they were quoted a price of fifty thousand quid. When Harrison later learned of this, he is said to have sought out Sagan and told he next time, come directly to me. Most famously, the record includes 'Johnny B Goode'. A year after the launch, in 1978 Steve Martin was hosting an episode of the American comedy show
Saturday Night Live and announced, in great excitement, that NASA had just received its first message from an alien lifeform; he then held up a mock cover of
Time magazine which simply said '
send more Chuck Berry!'
And finally, dear blog reader. 'Old lady, why the hairnets?' 'Oh, The
Hair Thieves! Come in the night and
steal yer hair, so they do. Sell it into slavery. In Azerbaijan!'
David, who is returning to the role of The Doctor later this year for the show's sixtieth anniversary specials (you knew that, right?) recently spoke about his initial reaction to the fame he had thrust, harshly, upon him when he was cast in the role back in 2005. He said: 'To be at the centre of the show is wonderful and humbling, but also a bit overwhelming and terrifying. It doesn't come without some difficulties, such as the immediate loss of anonymity. It takes a bit of getting used to, if that's not been your life up to that point. I was very lucky that, when I joined, Billie Piper was still there. She'd lived in a glare of publicity since she was fourteen, so she was a great guide for how to live life under that kind of scrutiny. I owe a degree of sanity to Billie.'
The BBC has, this week, released a new image from the forthcoming Doctor Who sixtieth anniversary episodes featuring - a very startled-looking - national heartthrob David Tennant. 
Doctor Who has confirmed four new cast members for this year's upcoming Christmas special and next year's series, which will feature the newest incarnation of The Doctor, Ncuti Gatwa. The latest issue of Doctor Who Magazine has confirmed the casting of Gemma Arrowsmith, Billy Brayshaw, Mary Malone and Majid Mehdizadeh-Valoujerdy. The Sun, of course, were far more interested in the latter, formerly of Hollyoaks, than the other three put together. 
The Lord Thy God Steven Moffat (OBE) may have departed from Doctor Who in 2017, but that has not stopped devoted fans from trying to manifest his return to the show and, according to a new 'update', they may have succeeded. Though, that said, this is according to a - rather speculative - piece on the CRB.com website. Which seems at first glance to be a case of someone - initially at the Radio Times (which used to be run by adults) - putting two and two together and getting nineteen. But, time will tell, dear blog reader, it usually does. And, if Steven is coming back to write an episode or two for his older mate Big Rusty on the show he graced as showrunner for seven years no one would be more delighted than this blogger. Over to you, Steven. 
In celebration of 9 August being International Cat Day and all that ... Comments concerning the lack of Jodie Whittaker's pussy will be frowned upon. Bigly. 
Which brings us to Memorably Daft Lines From British Horror & SF-musical-comedy Movies Of The 1950s and 1960s. Number Twenty Five: Help! Allan Mitchell: 'Boys, are you buzzing?' John Lennon: 'No thanks, I've got the car!'
Memorably Daft Lines From British Horror & SF Movies Of The 1950s and 1960s. Number Twenty Six: The Collector. Samantha Eggar: 'I wouldn't be a good prisoner if I didn't try to escape.' Terence Stamp: 'Don't worry, I'll respect your every privacy!' 
Memorably Daft Lines From British Horror & SF Movies Of The 1950s and 1960s. Number Twenty Seven: Paranoiac. Sheila Burrell: 'Where have you been?' Oliver Reed: 'I've been drinking ... Now I need to drink some more!'
'And he wasn't even following the script, just talking about his [own] life,' noted this blogger's Facebook fiend, Dave. That's entertainment, dear blog reader. 
Memorably Daft Lines From British Horror & SF Movies Of The 1950s and 1960s. Number Twenty Eight: Fahrenheit 451. Oskar Werner: 'It's a job just like any other. Good work with lots of variety. Monday, we burn Miller; Tuesday, Tolstoy; Wednesday, Walt Whitman; Friday, Faulkner and Saturday and Sunday, Schopenhauer and Sartre. We burn them to ashes and then burn the ashes. That's our official motto!' 
Which, apart from being a memorable daft line in a, genuinely, great film, also includes some very silly hats on display. 
Memorably Daft Lines From British Horror & SF Movies Of The 1950s and 1960s. Number Twenty Nine: The Gorgon. Patrick Troughton: 'Doctor, you'll perform an autopsy?' Peter Cushing: 'On a body that's turned to stone? That might be a little ... difficult!'
Memorably Daft Lines From British Horror & SF Movies Of The 1950s and 1960s. Number Thirty: The Abominable Snowman. Peter Cushing: 'This is complete madness, Friend and you know it.' Forrest Tucker: 'Relax, will you. He knows how to hold his fire!' 
Memorably Daft Lines From British Horror & SF Movies Of The 1950s and 1960s. Number Thirty One: Matthew Hopkins - Witchfinder General. Vincent Price: 'They swim! The mark of Satan is upon them. They must hang!' 
Memorably Daft Lines From British Horror & SF Movies Of The 1950s and 1960s. Number Thirty Two: Blood Of The Vampire. Donald Wolfit: 'Since you're so interested in my work, there's no reason why you should not assist me. My experiments so far have been confined to male blood groups. I think it's time to extend my activity.'
Memorably Daft Lines From British Horror & SF Movies Of The 1950s and 1960s. Number Thirty Three: The Innocents. Martin Stephens: 'Now it's your turn to hide!' Pamela Franklin: 'Hurry! Run!' Deborah Kerr: 'Alright, where should I hide?' Martin Stephens: 'Wherever you like, we'll find you!'
Memorably Daft Lines From British Horror & SF Movies Of The 1950s and 1960s. Number Thirty Four: The Shadow Of The Cat. Alan Wheatley: 'Do you mean to say the cat pushed Miss Clara down the stairs?' Barbara Shelley: 'Yes. No. Oh, I don't know!'
Memorably Daft Lines From British Horror & SF Movies Of The 1950s and 1960s. Number Thirty Five: The Deadly Bees. Suzanna Leigh: 'Why should Hargrove or whoever it was want to destroy your bees?' Frank Finlay: 'He didn't want to destroy my bees. He wanted to destroy me!' 
This blogger was delighted to discover that two of the original cast are to appear in the remake of Doctor Terror's House of Horrors.
Et maintenant, 'Le singe est dans l'Auto-bus. Et condui l'autobus. Et, Sandra Bullock est dans l'Autobus! Il ya une bomb dans l'auto-bus!' 
'That was the film Speed in French. Which, in France was actually called La Vitesse. Or, at least, it should have been. In fact, it was called Speed!'
Since the vast majority of this blogger's many Facebook fiends, this blogger took himself over to BairRBIE.me with a selfie and created his own Ken. Not only doesn't it look anything like this blogger, it doesn't look anything like Ken, either. Though, to be fair, it's probably about high time that we had an angry, 'are you lookin' at me, pal?' Ken From Accounts doll. 'It's giving "David Cameron working at a budget airline" vibes' noted this blogger's fiend Graham. Which, actually, yes this blogger can see. During his A Flock Of Seagulls phase, post-Eton, perhaps. 
Meanwhile, it would appear that the phenomena of Barbieheimer has even reached the realm of The Endless. Which is nice. 
Thought for the day: If only it hadn't been for that terrible bizarre gardening accident The New Originals could've been bigger than Herman's Hermits, dear blog reader.
In the period since this blogger last had cause to update From The North with a new bloggerisationism a series of From The North favourites have, sadly, left us. Robbie Robertson, Billy Friedkin, Jamie Reid, Anita Carey and, most recently, Michael Parkinson. Each one, a cherished part of this blogger's - and, he suspects, many dear blog readers' - past. 
This blogger has, quite lidderally, seen everything now, dear blog reader. Sky Sports News' coverage of the Harry Kane transfer last Friday included them having logged into "track your airline dot com" (or similar) and featured regular on-screen graphics of the plane's progress from Stanstead to München International. Jeez, lads, this blogger knows that it's jolly difficult to fill a twenty four hour rolling sports news service at the best of times without repetition, hesitation or deviation. But that's a dictionary definition of 'desperate'!
That weekend also saw, of course, the opening of the 2023-24 Premier League socherball season. And, it being a game of two halves, Brian, at the end of ninety minutes (or, in many cases, about one hundred and five minutes thanks to time being added on for everything) the following highly unlikely event occurred. And lo, dear blog reader, it was truly glorious in this blogger's sight and geet cush into the bargain. Even the Gruniad Morning Star couldn't find anything to whinge about.
Now, we all know that karma is a right bitch which enjoys pissing on any example of crowing -= especially where football is concerned. But, dear blog readers, please just give this blogger this one small day of abject joy at being able to sing 'we are top of the league/said we are top of the league' about his beloved (and now, thankfully, sold) Magpies. It'll probably be the only time all season he'll be in a position to do so (especially, as we've got last season's champions Sheikh Yer Man City away next!) 
This blogger's fine Facebook fiend Barnaby - a lifelong Brighton & Hove Albinos fan - was quick to point out who was in second to Th' Toon in the Premier League table after The Seagull's four-one thrashing of newly promoted Luton Town. To which this blogger could merely quote the wise words of Wisdom of From The North favourite Buzz Aldrin.
