Wednesday, May 22, 2013

He's Outrageous, He Screams And He Bawls

Doctor Who has been presented with a Peabody Award, one of the highest honours in American media. The George Foster Peabody Awards recognise 'distinguished achievement and meritorious service' by broadcasters, cable and webcasters, producing organisations and individuals. Selection is made by the Peabody Board, a sixteen-member panel of distinguished academics, television critics, industry practitioners and experts in culture and the arts. 'Seemingly immortal, fifty-years-old and still running, this engaging, imaginative sci-fi/fantasy series is awarded an Institutional Peabody for evolving with technology and the times like nothing else in the known television universe,' noted the citation. The award was accepted by The Lord Thy God Steven Moffat, Jenna-Louise Coleman her very self and yer actual Matt Smith - sporting his new skinhead moonstomp. 'come and have a go if y'think you're hard enough' haircut - at a ceremony in New York on Tuesday night.
Frankie dropped six hundred thousand overnight viewers for its second episode on BBC1 on Tuesday. Eve Myles's medical drama still topped the night outside of soaps and news with 4.03 million viewers at 9pm. Ben Elton's turgid and soon to be cancelled The Wright Way dipped seventy thousand punters to 1.60m at 10.45pm. One imagines the fact that anyone is still watching this turkey is, in and of itself, a miracle. But then, there are some strange people out there. On BBC2, The Chelsea Flower Show coverage continued with 2.93m at 8pm. Nicholas Crane's Town opened with 1.99m at 9pm. ITV's River Monsters attracted 1.98m at 7.30pm. Caroline Quentin's National Parks lost six hundred thousand viewers week-on-week, being watched by but 1.86m at 8pm. The massive floppage of this utterly pointless and thoroughly nasty example of twee celebrity-fronted drivel does, somewhat, restore ones faith in at least some of the viewing public. Not all of them, though, because there are still nearly two million of them who are, seemingly, quite happy to watch this bollocks. To complete a thoroughly bad night for ITV, Who Wants To Be a Millionaire? could only draw 2.29m at 9pm. On Channel Four, Embarrassing Bodies Live grabbed 1.30m at 8pm whilst Mary Queen of the High Street climbed slightly week-on-week to 1.13m at 9pm. Shameless's penultimate episode had an audience of one million punters at 10pm. Channel Five's CSI entertained 1.90m at 9.15pm. The highest-rated digital programme was Dave's Storage Hunters, which attracted seven hundred and sixty thousand viewers at 8.30pm.

BBC2 and Channel Four have been the biggest ratings losers so far this year after changes to the corporation's daytime schedules. Just a week after Channel Four defended massive bonuses paid out to senior executives despite not meeting audience targets in 2012, figures show that ratings for the broadcaster's main terrestrial network have fallen this year too, even among younger viewers. In the first four months of 2013, Channel Four's share of total UK viewing dropped to six per cent, compared with 6.8 per cent during the same time period last year. Among sixteen to thirty four year-olds it fell from 8.7 per cent to 8.2 per cent. These figures include the ratings for Channel 4+1. If the +1 channel's ratings are stripped out then the picture is even bleaker, with the main channel averaging, across the day, an audience share of just over five per cent – compared with 5.8 per cent last year. BBC2's all-hours audience share for the year to date is down to 5.3 per cent, from 6.5 per cent for the same period in 2012. Channel Four's decline is being put down to the fact that hit shows such as Homeland and Big Fat Gypsy Wedding specials aired during the first half of 2012, plus the impact of changes to the BBC1 and BBC2 daytime schedules. BBC1 revamped its afternoon schedule in January, ditching afternoon children's programmes and replacing them with daytime shows previously broadcast on BBC2. At the same time BBC2 switched to an afternoon diet of repeats and rolling news. In the year to 9 May, Channel Four's audience share between 3.10pm and 5pm dropped from 11.9 per cent, year-on-year, to 7.6 per cent, while BBC1's grew from 4.2 per cent to 13.2 per cent and BBC2's fell by around half. BBC1's all-hours audience share is up from 20.4 per cent to 21.4 per cent and ITV is also up very marginally year-on-year so far in 2013, from 16.37 per cent to 16.41 per cent (again, this includes ITV1+1 audiences). Channel Five has dipped slightly, from 4.69 per cent to 4.36 per cent (including C5+1). In peak time, Channel Four is facing a similar ratings scenario, averaging 6.2 per cent (including C4+1), down from seven per cent during the first five months last year. The Channel Four network, excluding C4+1, is averaging 5.4 per cent, down from six per cent in 2012. The Channel Four portfolio of channels – including E4 and More4 – is broadly flat year-on-year, just one per cent down at 11.2 per cent of the total audience share. But the broadcaster said that there is 'encouraging news' with the launch of 4Seven – a new digital channel providing further opportunities to catch up on Channel Four's most popular and talked-about shows. Despite winning a BAFTA for its coverage of the Paralympics and being lauded for programmes such as The Last Leg, the ratings trajectory for Channel Four so far is, according to a typically shite-stirring piece in the Gruniad Morning Star, 'said to be causing some concern within the broadcaster', particularly after the focus on bonuses in coverage of its recent annual report. However, the return of Homeland and more Gypsy Wedding specials later this year is likely to improve ratings. A spokesman for Channel Four said that in terms of sixteen to thirty four-year-olds, including 4Seven and the C4+1 channel, the main network is down just one per cent year-on-year. He commented: 'Channel Four has continued to launch more new programming in its schedule than any other broadcaster. The range of distinctive content we have broadcast – from Utopia and Complicit, through to the award winning Channel Four News and the likes of Skint, Gogglebox and The King in the Car Park – has both delivered to Four's remit and helped maintain our channel portfolio share of audience.' It is not yet known what audience share targets Channel Four's executives have been set for 2013. It was not revealed at the annual report – during which chairman Lord Burns was quizzed about executive bonuses being awarded when the broadcaster reported an audience share of 6.6 per cent, which was short of the target set last year.

The BBC has 'raised the stakes' in its 'row' with BSkyB over retransmission fees and will consider charging the satellite broadcaster for channels such as BBC1 if the fees are not dropped. This is, again, according to a piece of pure trouble-making carried in the Gruniad Morning Star. Sky currently charges the BBC, along with other public service broadcasters ITV, Channel Four and Channel Five, to carry its TV and radio channels on its pay-TV services. The BBC pays five million smackers a year, with the four public service broadcasters footing a combined ten million quid bill. The issue has been made a priority by the corporation's recently appointed director of strategy and digital, James Purnell, and BBC director general Tony Hall. It follows a call by the lack of culture minister, the vile and odious rascal Vaizey, for Sky to scrap the charges altogether earlier this year. The BBC's director of policy and strategy, John Tate said: 'Sky should do the decent thing and stop charging licence fee payers to carry BBC services that, in reality, underpin their ability to generate enormous profits. This free ride needs to stop.' Halved from ten million notes two years ago, the BBC is now calling for the retransmission fees to be dropped altogether. However, recent negotiations between executives from Sky and the BBC are believed to have come to nothing. Alleged corporation 'insiders' have now alleged said that if agreement cannot be reached, then it will 'look to start charging Sky' for carrying BBC channels. Allegedly. Content on public service channels makes up the majority of viewing in pay-TV homes. An alleged 'senior BBC source' allegedly said: 'These costs are a hangover from the early days of satellite television and for a long time now they have felt like money flowing in the wrong direction. At a time when public service broadcasting is under increasing financial pressure, we have to do everything we can to protect the licence fee or to police how the licence fee is being spent.' The BBC is entering the final stages of implementing the seven hundred million smackers cost-cutting plan, Delivering Quality First, begun by Hall's predecessor, Mark Thompson, following the 2010 licence fee settlement. It has previously said the cuts need not have been so large if it did not have to pay fees to Sky. The vile and odious rascal Vaizey used a speech in January to call on Sky to scrap the ten million quid it charges public service broadcasters, saying Sky should make it a 'level playing field' because they do not pay to be carried by its pay-TV rival, Virgin Media. He added that the government would 'look at options for intervention' if the broadcasters could not reach a deal by next year. The amount Sky charges public service broadcasters has come down – in the past it has been as much as twenty five million snots a year. Channel Four agreed with the BBC that Sky 'does not recognise the value' that the public service channels bring to the Sky platform. A Channel Four spokesman said: 'We do not believe that the current regulatory system appropriately recognises the benefits that public service channels bring to platform operators. Were the system amended to appropriately account for these benefits, there is strong evidence to suggest that PSBs could receive positive carriage fees.' The issue of retransmission fees was raised by the BBC's then director general, Thompson, in his MacTaggart lecture at the Edinburgh TV Festival in 2010. Thompson pointed out how in the US, News Corporation – Sky's biggest shareholder – successfully got US satellite and cable operators to pay fees to carry its channels such as FOX and FOX News. ITV has also called on the retransmission fees to be abolished. A spokesman for ITV said: 'We welcomed the minister's statement earlier this year in relation to retransmission fees. We do not believe that this regulation is in keeping with the competitive market place we are in today.' BSkyB group commercial director Rob Webster, writing in Gruniad Morning Star in 2011, rejected the BBC's claims, saying 'distribution is a necessary cost of doing business.'

Daniel Mays is to lead the cast of new BBC1 drama Common. The one-off crime thriller - from bitter old whinging Red Jimmy McGovern - centres on 'joint enterprise' law and tells the tale of four men who flee a fatal stabbing. Sounds like bitter old whinging Red McGovern's usual barrel of laughs, then. Mays probably best known for his outstanding performance in Ashes To Ashes has most recently starred in ITV's BAFTA-winning drama Mrs Biggs and appears in the movie Welcome to the Punch opposite James McAvoy. Jodhi May, Robert Pugh, Nico Mirallegro and Susan Lynch form the rest of the Common cast. 'When it comes to casting you always have a "wish list" - a list of actors who'd be perfect for the parts you have written,' said bitter old whinging Red McGovern. 'You never get them of course. They're often too busy or away on holiday or they hate the script or whatever. But on this occasion, I got them all, every single one on my wish list. And I am over the moon.' Well, one supposes there has to be a first time for everything. Director David Blair - who previously worked with McGovern on the slash-your-own-wrists misery-fest Accused - will helm the drama.

The Beard of Despair Noel Edmonds might be used to be being in the spotlight, but he look set to be outshone by a new rising star: his store mannequin. The Deal or No Deal presenter drives around London with a mannequin in the back seat of his black cab to stop people flagging him down. The Daily Lies reports that Candice, who is dressed by Noel's wife Liz, has now become something of a celebrity in her own right. The shop dummy has eighteen thousand Twitter followers (which probably says far more about the utter pointlessness of Twitter than anything else) and has received offers from fashion houses, record labels and retail outlets. Edmonds reckons there might also be potential for perfume and jewellery.
And speaking of odious and worthless waste-of-space creatures getting money for nothing, the Curiously Orange Christine Bleakley is reportedly 'expected to make a return' as co-host in the final series of Twatting About On Ice. ITV announced this week that the 2014 series of the z-list celebrity ice skating competition will be the last. Which caused untold joy throughout the land with the bunting and the street parties and what-not. Alleged 'insiders' have now allegedly claimed that the Curiously Orange Bleakley is 'wanted' to return with co-host Phillip Schofield, despite her four million with smackers contract the channel coming to an end next month. She will be offered 'a reduced deal' worth a mere one hundred and fifty thousand knicker, the Sun reports. And, they're always so trustworthy, aren't they? 'Christine is a talented presenter,' an alleged ITV 'source' lied. She might well be lots of things, matey boy, but 'a talented presenter' certainly isn't one of them.

BBC2 has announced details of its new show Airport Live. Presented by Dan Snow, Anita Rani and Dallas Campbell, the factual programme will come live from Heathrow for one hour over four consecutive nights. Airport Live promises to f'ollow aircraft from the moment that they enter Heathrow's airspace to when they depart.' Snow will be reporting live from the air traffic control tower, while Rani and Campbell will both be studying the science, engineering and logistics of air travel. The airport, which covers five square miles and processes two hundred thousand passengers every day, is one of the busiest in the world. Speaking about the series, Snow said: 'Air travel has become an everyday luxury that we take for granted, but behind the scenes it's a fascinating web of processes all precisely managed to maintain equilibrium. Over four nights we'll get the chance to see how it all works. We'll take a look at the complex choreography of air traffic control, learn to fly the world's largest passenger jet, the A380, and discover how weather plays a crucial role in keeping the whole operation running smoothly. Airport Live will be a thrilling journey through the skies and a definitive account of modern air travel.' Controller for BBC2 Janice Hadlow added: 'In recent years, BBC2 has enjoyed great success with live events, from Stargazing Live to Volcano Live. Now, in one of our most ambitious broadcasts ever, we're going behind the scenes at one of the world's busiest airports. Over four nights, BBC2 will be based at the air traffic control tower, offering a completely unique perspective on how an airport works around the clock.' Rumours that BBC2's next Live series will be Watching Paint Dry, Live cannot, at this time, be confirmed or denied.

Three further episodes for the next - K - series of Qi were filmed earlier this week. Knights and Knaves will feature the Reverend Richard Coles, yer actual Victoria Coren and Sue Perkins; Killers has as guests Jason Manford, Sandi Toksvig and first-timer the South African comedian and radio presenter Trevor Noah whilst Kinky (steady!) also feature Toksvig along with Johnny Vegas and another débutante, Janet Street Porter. The final three episodes (of sixteen) will be filmed next week.

Oscar-winning director Ang Lee has reportedly pulled out of his first TV project, because he 'needs some rest', after spending over four years working on Life of Pi. He had signed up to direct the pilot episode of Tyrant in March, just weeks after Life of Pi won four Oscars. In a statement to The Hollywood Reporter Lee said that he realised he could not give ' give one hundred per cent to the project.' He said he was disappointed to pull out, but felt he had to. 'I cannot allow myself to do anything that may affect the potential for this exciting new series' he said in a statement. The highly anticipated drama on FX revolves around an unassuming American family drawn into the workings of a turbulent Middle East nation. The team behind the show includes Homeland's Howard Gordon and Gideon Raff, who will act as executive producers. Lee said it was still 'one of the most brilliant ideas for a series' that he had seen and wished the team well with the 'remarkable project.' In February Lee won his second best director Oscar for Life of Pi, based on the Booker-winning novel about a shipwrecked boy and a Bengal tiger. At the time he had admitted that he had been 'obsessing about every detail of Life of Pi,' for four years and it had 'completely consumed' him. For many years, the complicated novel was thought to be 'unfilmable' and Lee admitted he thought so too at first. 'I read the book when it first came out, and it was obvious it couldn't be a movie,' he said. Lee's decision to follow up his Oscar win with a TV project was seen as a sign of the growing strength of cable TV. The Taiwanese director is currently serving as a jury member at the Cannes Film Festival.

The disciplinary action taken by Paolo Di Canio against several Blunderland players is being investigated by the Professional Footballers' Association. Players' union chief Gordon Taylor said that the Black Cats manager could not be 'a law unto himself.' Which Di Canio might feel somewhat aggrieved about since the man whom he describes in his autobiography as his 'hero', Benito Mussolini, actually was a law onto himself. Wekll, until he got hung from a lamp post and shot, at any rate. But, that's another story for another day, perhaps. Di Canio said last week he had fined seven players and had threatened to sell those who had misbehaved. Taylor said the PFA would determine if the punishments were 'acceptable' or if there were grounds for an appeal. 'I wouldn't want to go any further at this moment, so as not to prejudice any particular situation,' he said. Taylor admitted there had been 'contact' between the PFA and Blunderland players already, while 'discussions' had also been held with the Premier League club. 'There has been some complaints, yes,' said Taylor. Di Canio took over from Martin O'Neill as manager of the Wearside club in March and won two of his seven games in charge to help the club avoid relegation. The forty four-year-old Italian was scathing about the behaviour of some of his players following the 1-0 defeat at Stottingtot Hotshots on the final day of the season. Defenders Phil Bardsley and Matthew Kilgallon were left out of the squad for the game at White Tart Lane, having been pictured in a casino during midweek. 'Nobody says we're against discipline at the PFA, but it's got to be proportionate,' said Taylor. 'We have a recommended code for clubs to adhere to. Players know when they've done wrong and when they've been a problem. For the most part, they will accept that. But it's not always good to have the manager coming out in public. These things are better dealt with person to person internally and it's better for the future.' Fifteen years ago, Di Canio was represented by Taylor after pushing over referee Paul Alcock in 1998 when he was a Sheffield Wednesday player. 'I can remember representing him many years ago when he had his problem with the referee at Sheffield Wednesday,' said Taylor. 'I don't want to add fuel to the flames, merely to say Paolo was a player and member of the PFA. The PFA were there for Paolo when he was a player and we'll be there for him with his players. He is aware of the role of the PFA and knows we are there for the players. Paolo can't be a law unto himself. There are rule and regulations to abide by - and that goes for the disciplining of players as well.'

More than fifty English beaches have met tough new EU standards to receive Blue Flag awards, recognising their high standards and water quality. Thanet in Kent won eight awards, while the Isle of Wight, Bournemouth and Poole in Dorset, and Torbay in Devon each received four awards. Campaign group Keep Britain Tidy runs the awards scheme in England. The fifty five-beach total is down from seventy nine in 2012, but this year beaches were subject to much tougher standards. They had to meet the new 'excellent' standard required under the new EU Bathing Waters Directive. Beaches also had to advise users where they could obtain real-time information on discharges from nearby combined sewage overflows if it could temporarily affect the quality of bathing water. Other well-known beaches awarded Blue Flags this year included Central Beach in Skegness, Lowestoft South Claremont in Suffolk, Martello Bay at Clacton-on-Sea, Whitby in North Yorkshire and a trio of Northumberland beaches very well known to yer actual Keith Telly Topping, Tynemouth Longsands, the adjacent King Edward's Bay and Whitley Bay. Westward Ho! beach in North Devon was awarded a Blue Flag for the tenth year in a row. A further one hundred and thirty three beaches in England were rated clean enough to be awarded Seaside Awards - formerly known as Quality Coast Awards - by Keep Britain Tidy.

Unreleased songs from the first recording session by The Clash are to finally see the light of day. The songs - along with other early studio sessions and unseen footage from gigs at the start of their career - will be released this summer. They will be part of a box-set, Sound System, which draws together most of The Clash's LPs and many rarities. The band made their first recordings at Beaconsfield Studios in Buckinghamshire in 1976 with Julien Temple, the future film director who had befriended the band and went on to make The Sex Pistols movie The Great Rock And Roll Swindle. Although a version of 'White Riot' from the session went on to appear on the band's debut LP, the early versions of 'London's Burning' and '1977' have never been released. All five songs from their second demo sessions - for Polydor at the company's studio in Stratford Place in late 1976 produced by Guy Stevens - are also included in the box set, three of which have never before been released. (The Stratford Place versions of 'Janie Jones' and 'Career Opportunites' previously appeared on the 1991 box-set The Clash on Broadway.) Previously unseen footage from a 1977 show at Sussex University and archive material provided by Temple and Don Letts, is also included in the package which will be released on 9 September. Alongside the discs, there will be a book, reprints of the band's Armagideon Times fanzines, plus badges and stickers and replicas of promo items for the group's singles. The artwork has been designed by bass player Paul Simonon. Explaining the idea behind the box-set, Simonon said: 'It was really just to make a nice box - like a work of art.' 'And then, put something in it,' added guitarist Mick Jones. The band disintegrated in the early 1980s although Joe Strummer and Simonon soldiered on for one further - exceptionally poor - LP, Cut The Crap, after Jones was sacked, which is (thankfully) not included in the box-set. Strummer died in December 2002. Sound System collects the Clash's first five LPs: 1977's The Clash, 1978's Give 'Em Enough Rope, 1979's seminal London Calling, 1980's massively under-rated Sandinista! and 1982's Combat Rock. The elaborate package also includes three discs of singles, rarities, demos and B-sides and a DVD containing all of the band's videos and 'unseen footage by Julien Temple and Don Letts.'
Just a day after the sad news of the deaths of Eddie Braben and Ray Manzerak, another part of yer actual Keith Telly Topping's teenage years has left us. Trevor Bolder, the bassist in David Bowie's legendary 1970s band The Spiders From Mars, has died from cancer at the age of sixty two. Hard rock group Uriah Heep, whom Bolder joined in 1976, announced the death of 'a world-class bass player and world-class friend' on their website. Trevor stopped playing with the band a few months ago because of poor health. Bolder appeared on the classic Bowie LPs Hunky Dory, The Rise and Fall of Ziggy Stardust & The Spiders from Mars, Aladdin Sane and Pin-Ups as well as touring the world with Bowie between 1971 and 1973. Bowie said in a statement: 'Trevor was a wonderful musician and a major inspiration for whichever band he was working with. But he was foremostly a tremendous guy, a great man.' Trevor was born in Hull in 1950. He was active in his local R&B scene in the mid-1960s as a teenager and first came to prominence in the celebrated local band, The Rats, which also featured at one time or another his future Spiders colleagues Mick Ronson on guitar and Woody Woodmansey on drums. His big break arrived in 1971, when he replaced Tony Visconti in Bowie's backing band with his two former Rats colleagues. The group had its origins in Bowie's earlier backing outfit Hype, which featured Ronson and Woodmansey and producer Visconti on bass. They were briefly signed as a band on its own, known as Ronno, and released the - now much sought-after single 'Fourth Hour Of My Sleep' in 1971. With Bolder taking over bass, they were subsequently named via the landmark 1972 Bowie LP The Rise and Fall of Ziggy Stardust & The Spiders from Mars and were billed as such on the accompanying large-scale Ziggy Stardust and Aladdin Sane tours. Following Bowie's decision to break up the band in 1973, Bolder and Woodmansey reformed the band without Ronson, and were joined in this line-up by pianist Mike Garson, Dave Black, Pete McDonald. Their self-titled LP, released in 1976, was their only work before the group disbanded. 'Trevor was an all-time great, one of the outstanding musicians of his generation and one of the finest and most influential bass players that Britain ever produced,' Uriah Heep said in a statement. Bolder joined Uriah Heep in 1976, replacing John Wetton. Trevor's tenure with Heep was, initially, relatively short-lived. Although he did contribute to the LPs Firefly, Innocent Victim, Fallen Angel and Conquest, when the line-up that had recorded the latter disbanded Bolder alone was left with Mick Box, the guitarist, founder-member and legal owner of the band's name. The attempt to put a new line-up together temporarily stalled and Bolder, needing to earn a living, accepted an offer in 1981 to join another long-running hard rock band, Wishbone Ash. Bolder had, coincidentally, again swapped places with John Wetton, becoming Ash's bass player for their 1982 LP Twin Barrels Burning. It was another short-lived connection, as by 1983 he returned to the rhythm section with Uriah Heep, playing on the Head First tour and all of band's LPs since. As well as his usual bass playing and backing vocal duties, Trevor also produced Heep's 1991 LP Different World. He sang lead on 'Fear Of Falling', one of the songs he had written for Sea Of Light in 1995. He also contributed lead vocals to 'Lost', a song on Uriah Heep's 2011 CD Into the Wild. Earlier this year he announced what was hoped to be a temporary absence as a result of surgery. He later told Classic Rock magazine: 'I had pancreas cancer so I had to have that removed. Not the entire pancreas; but still, it was bad news. They've cut out the bad bit. I've had a bit of chemo, which I'm doing now, in case there's anything hanging about. Once that's done, I should be back to doing what I do for a living.'

That means, of course, that this is today's Keith Telly Topping's 45 of the Day. Thanks, Trev.
Brilliant.

Now, the death of dear old Ray Manzerak, reminded me that, not only was he a wonderful musician, a terrific interview subject and a decent, humane man of wit but, he was also a bit part player in yer actual Keith Telly Topping's favourite tasteless joke. Which goes like this. Seems that, during the late 1960s, dear blog reader, there was a groovy 'happening' party taking place in some Belgravia flat at which yer actual Marianne Faithfull was busy giving Jim Morrison quite a bit of, ahem, pleasure. As it were. Following this she moved across the room and did pretty much the same with Ray Manzerak, Robbie Krieger and John Densmore. However, when alcoholic wife-beating Scouse junkie John Lennon appeared and asked for a go, at that point Michael Caine burst into the room and bellowed 'Oi, yer only supposed to blow the bloody Doors off.'

Yeah, all right, I'll get me coat.

Before Trevor Bolder's untimely death, yer actual Keith Telly Topping had already decided on what he thought was going to be today's Keith Telly Topping's 45 of the Day. But, there's no reason not to include it anyway. You've probably never heard 'Prisencolinensinainciusol' before, dear blog reader. But you should have. I must admit it was something yer actual Keith Telly Topping was only vaguely aware of having heard once or twice before. This song was released in 1972 and was a massive hit all across Europe although it never did much in the UK. It was written and sung in a gibberish nonsensical language which was intended to sound like English spoken with an American accent for its Italian audience. This is, apparently, exactly what American-English sounds like to non-English speaking foreigners! It was written by the Italian singer, songwriter, actor and comedian Adriano Celentano. Heavily influenced by his idol,  Elvis Presley and the 1950s rock revolution, Adriano has retained his popularity in Italy for the last forty years, selling millions of records and appearing in numerous TV shows and movies. In the 1970s and 80s, he was pretty much the king of the Italian box office in a series of popular low budget films. 'Prisencolinensinainciusol' was performed by Celentano and his wife, the singer and actress Claudia Mori. The song was, in fact, purposely written in nonsense to parody numerous Italian musicians of the day, who would pretend to be able to speak and understand the English lyrics they sang, which were often simply plagiarised straight from American and English pop songs. Celentano's intention with the song was to explore communications barriers. 'Ever since I started singing, I was very influenced by American music and everything Americans did. So at a certain point, because I like American slang - which, for a singer, is much easier to sing than Italian - I thought that I would write a song which would only have as its theme the inability to communicate. And to do this, I had to write a song where the lyrics didn't mean anything,' he noted. It also, in a more general sense, poked fun at the Italian public who would popularise any song by an Italian artist that sounded like they were singing in English, whether accurately or not, as long as it sounded like rock’n'roll. Needless to say, 'Prisencolinensinainciusol' went to number one. And, not for nothing, it sounded then, and still sounds, terrific. A near note-perfect parody of contemporary Southern boogie.

Tuesday, May 21, 2013

The Importance of Being Eric And Ernest (And Eddie)

The Fall - rapidly turning into BBC2's direct answer to Broadchurch - held steady for its second episode on Monday night, according to overnight ratings figures. Gillian Anderson's crime drama dipped around one hundred thousand viewers week-on-week to 3.38 million at 9pm - a massive figure for a drama on BBC2. Earlier, The Chelsea Flower Show attracted 3.02m at 8pm on what was a very good night all round for the channel. On BBC1, The ONE Show was the most watched programme outside of soaps with 4.27m at 7pm. A repeat of Miranda had an audience of 2.63m at 8.30pm. The Panorama Hillsborough documentary How They Buried the Truth was, tragically, seen by just 2.84m at 9pm. The fact that risible odious tripe on ITV like The Dales, featuring risible odious Ade Edmondson (3.05m at 8pm) got more viewers than a genuinely important piece of TV journalism highlight exactly why a significant proportion of the general public are, simply, beyond redemption and need a damned good slap in the mush, hard, with a wet haddock. But, it wasn't all bad news. Now sinking faster than a very big stone trying to see if it can float on the surface of a pond, Vicious dipped over one hundred thousand punters to 2.55m at 9pm meaning that, over the course of just four weeks it has, effectively, lost half of its initial audience. The Job Lot - a much better comedy, albeit in places still rather obvious in its targets - also fell to 1.91m at 9.30pm. On Channel Four, Superscrimpers brought in nine hundred and forty three thousand punters at 8pm. Channel Five's Ohio Slave Girls documentary was seen by eight hundred and forty two thousand at 8pm. And, was actually rather decent and well put-together, perfectly obscene tabloidesque title notwithstanding. CSI was watched by 1.82m at 9.15pm. BBC4's Only Connect picked up its usual healthy audience of six hundred and eighty six thousand viewers at 8.30pm, while the documentary The Somme was watched by six hundred and forty seven thousand at 9pm.

Amanda Abbington has claimed that she had to 'up [her] game' on the set of Sherlock. The actress - who is married to Martin Freeman - will play 'a mystery role' in the hit detective drama's third series. 'Working with Martin on Sherlock is really quite inspiring, because he's so good at his job,' she told the Radio Times. 'He and Ben have this fantastic chemistry. Coming into Sherlock, you have to up your game, because they're so good together.' Abbington - who is rumoured to be playing John Watson's future wife Mary Morstan - also revealed that she has experienced some 'mad' online interaction with Sherlock fans since her casting was announced. On the subject of her role, she said: 'Was I marrying Molly [Louise Brealey] maybe? I put that [idea] on Twitter and they all went mad, all the little Sherlock nuts. Not mad - they're very sweet girls. But there is a fandom.' Who will now, like as not, take great delight in referring to themselves as 'The Little Sherlock Nuts'. Or, maybe not. The third series of Sherlock is currently shooting in London and Wales.

It's been a pretty awful year for many of us so far - and, indeed, today, it got worse (see below) but, there is one ray of hope on the horizon. Twatting About On Ice is to be axed after one further series. Although, sadly, not with an actual axe. And, truly, there was rejoicing across the land. When the news was announced, total strangers were observed hugging in the street and sworn enemies were seen high-fiving each other in sheer delight. The risible, obnoxious, full-of-its-own-glakeish-self-importance ITV series, which regularly pulls in more than seven million tragic crushed victims of society, will be screened for the last time in early 2014. Yes. Good riddance to odious rubbish. Ice dancers Jayne Torvill and Christopher Dean announced that it would be their final series on Tuesday morning. TV 'bosses' are understood to have thought that the show had reached 'the end of its natural life.' Speaking on ITV's breakfast flop Daybreak Dean said he and his skating partner felt it was 'the right time to go' as this year marks thirty years since their ground-breaking Bolero performance. Christopher said: 'It's come full circle for us. We've had the most wonderful experience doing Twatting About On Ice and we just wanted to finish at the top of our game and for the show to be on top of its game so we just felt it was the right time.' Torvill and Dean later tweeted: 'You followers are the best there is thank you for your support. We want this to be a celebration this year. I hope we see you all soon.' ITV's Director of Television Peter Fincham said: 'Torvill and Dean are the most successful ice dancing partnership of our generation and brought huge integrity, skill and professionalism to the show and with their departure, it feels like the series has reached its natural end.' The - dreadful - series first aired on ITV in 2006. This year's z-list celebrity skaters included former Welsh rugby star Gareth Thomas, former X Factor winner Shayne Ward and Coronation Street actress Samia Ghadie. Which probably gives those who avoided it like the sodding plague some idea of just how desperate it was. Gymnast and London 2012 Olympic Bronze medallist Beth Tweddle was the winner. And the funniest thing about all of this, of course, is that - yet again - the curiously orange Christine Bleakley has been brought in as host to 'improve' a show and ended up seeing it cancelled on her watch. The woman is a joke. And box-office poison, it would seem.

Another day, dear blog reader, another example of Keith Watson of the Metro's superb TV reviews, in this particular case, Monday night's The Fall: 'The opening eight minutes of the second episode of The Fall (BBC2) was surely the coldest, creepiest slice of TV drama we’ll see all year. In near total silence, the scene switched between Jamie Dornan's chilling killer painstakingly painting the nails of his latest corpse and Gillian Anderson's cool detective slaking her libido on the gym-pumped bod of the young cop she'd pimped for herself at a murder scene. Two people getting exactly what they wanted, feeling momentarily satisfied, yet ultimately left hollow at the core. It was a double shudder. Where all this mood and psychodrama is taking us remains to be seen. We know precious little about Dornan's motives but The Fall is an object lesson in stealthy tension, its understated moments the perfect counterpoint to the carefully rationed moments of genuine horror. With The Fall, less is definitely more.'
We highlighted yer man Watto's review of the Doctor Who series finale in an earlier blog (and very good it was too). Some of his colleagues also provided a few chunks of worthwhile critique concerning The Name Of The Doctor. In the Independent, Neela Debnath wrote: 'The Name Of The Doctor has everything that you could possibly want from a good episode of Doctor Who. It was an utterly brilliant instalment, from the performances to the aesthetics. The archive footage was a big surprise but a welcome one. Those who say that Moffat has forgotten the classic series or suggest that the show is not what it used to be should watch this episode; it is a wonderful precursor to the fiftieth anniversary.' The Torygraph's Michael Hogan argued that 'This has been a patchy series, but thankfully it has finished on a high. The last two episodes – the Victorian romp, then the return of The Cybermen – have been a return to form. This climactic episode was even better. It was momentous, moving and thrilling, yet somehow still found time to be very funny in flashes (mainly thanks to the highly quotable Strax). The only downsides? A tad too much clunking exposition, the odd spot of creaky CGI and some unconvincing metaphors about soufflĂ©s and leaves. However, the biggest catch of all is that it's now a six-month wait for November’s fiftieth anniversary special. Still, that should be just enough time to digest this breathless, brilliant finale.' In the Gruniad Morning Star, Dan Martin wrote: 'And so the mystery of Clara is finally resolved. Your demented theories as to her true nature have been fantastic, but I always thought it would be something much more simple than her being Susan or Romana or The Rani. She chases The Great Intelligence into the grave, fracturing herself through time and space, in endless copies and versions: sometimes Clara the governess, sometimes Oswin, usually soufflĂ© girl. The Clara we meet now is the real one, with different facets of her saving The Doctor in different eras. The pre-credits sequence, with all The Doctors, actually made me fall over. The solution is both straightforward and mindbending. But that doesn't quite get over any of the question marks about what Clara is like as a person. I still don't feel I know her. Patrick Mulkern in the Radio Times added: 'The Doctor’s name was obviously going to be a red herring. Did anyone really imagine that it would be revealed? It is key to the story, however, as well as a key River uses to unlock the TARDIS-tomb. So – phew! – the Doctor can safely remain "Doctor Who" into his golden anniversary. But his darkest secret tumbles out.' SFX's reviewer added: 'Arguably this story started last autumn with The Asylum Of The Daleks (arguably, because you could say it started in winter 1963) and it'll (probably) end this autumn with the fiftieth anniversary. So, The Name Of The Doctor is just a lot of middle. A stepping stone. A mere cog in a massive continuity machine. Who cares when the cog is so gorgeously crafted it transcends mere function and dazzles in its own right? It may make no sense outside of the machine but that doesn't make it any less striking. Viewers without a degree in Who-ology might miss out on some of the more esoteric references, and certain plot beats may not make a lot of sense to them, but they're still going to love the broad strokes. Those of us who can spot a line from Castrovalva or a sound bite from the First Doctor or a reference to The Doctor's penultimate incarnation, well, we're simply being rewarded that little bit more.' Finally Entertainment Weekly considered: 'After half a season of standalone episodes, all strung together by the question of what cosmic force kept bringing companion Clara back to life in different times and on different planets, the finale circled back to some of larger themes that Moffat has been tinkering with since season five: The lasting impact of previous companions Amy and Rory; the lasting love between the Doctor and River Song; the goodness of the Doctor’s friends; the havoc (both momentous and random) that time travel can wreak. Also: Trenzalore! We saw The Doctor and Clara forced to head to that long-talked-about place, which we learn is The Doctor's future grave, in order to save their friends. Trenzalore is also the resting place of The Doctor's greatest secret (and was apparently the site of a giant battle). Do we learn much more than that? Not really!'

Big-haired risible Queen guitarist Brian May has written a scathing attack on BBC's The Voice, describing the talent competition as 'dull, dumb and vile.' Which, might well be true although, in this blogger's opinion that's also a damn-near perfect description of mad-haired May's former band and their tuneless, pompous over-produced, self-important horsewank. Opinions, see. That's what this game is all about, dear blog reader. In a blog posting on the Bri's Soapbox section of his website, this ridiculous hairdo said that he wanted the TV show to die 'a natural death very soon. Every time I catch a glimpse of young singers busting their guts trying to win somebody's attention, who is rudely sitting with their back to the singer I feel sick,' said May. 'It brings singing down to the level of a stupid obstacle course on It's A Knockout. This is not – NOT – what music is about.' May said that music was about 'subtle emotions' and 'beauty' and argued that 'body language', 'facial expression' and 'eye contact' were 'important' to performers. He also claimed that the format was 'poisonous to the growth of young performers.' May's comments are, just possibly, influenced by the failure of his close personal friend and sometime musical collaborator Kerry Ellis, who auditioned for the show's first series. Despite having previous West End experience, Ellis failed to make it past the Blind Auditions stage. Of course, it may be nothing whatsoever to do with that,. Who can say? And, whilst we're about it, get yer hair cut, hippie, you look like George III.

Yer actual Ben Miller will host the seventeenth TV Choice awards in September at The Dorchester. Fans have until 14 June to choose their favourites.

The Obama administration has investigated a reporter with FOX News as a 'probable co-conspirator' in a criminal spying case after a report based on a State Department leak. The Justice Department named FOX News's chief Washington correspondent James Rosen 'at the very least, either as an aider, abettor and/or co-conspirator' in a 2010 espionage case against State Department security adviser Stephen Jin-Woo Kim. The accusation appears in a court affidavit first reported by the Washington Post. Kim is charged with handing over a classified government report in June 2009 which said that North Korea would 'probably' test a nuclear weapon in response to a UN resolution condemning previous tests. Rosen reported the analysis on 11 June under the headline North Korea Intends to Match UN Resolution With New Nuclear Test. The FBI sought and obtained a warrant to seize all of Rosen's correspondence with Kim, and an additional two days' worth of Rosen's personal e-mail, the Post reported. The bureau also obtained Rosen's phone records and used security badge records to track his movements to and from the State Department. FOX News issued a sharply worded statement on Monday calling the episode chilling. 'We are outraged to learn today that James Rosen was named a criminal co-conspirator for simply doing his job as a reporter,' FOX News executive vice-president of news editorial Michael Clemente said in the statement. 'In fact, it is downright chilling. We will unequivocally defend his right to operate as a member of what up until now has always been a free press.' Rosen has not been charged with a crime in the case. Yet. Kim was indicted in August 2010 on charges of violating the Espionage Act of 1917, one of a batch of six cases in which the Obama administration began to use the first world war-era spying law to prosecute suspected government whistleblowers. Even in cases of historic import in which the Espionage Act was used to prosecute whistleblowers, notably the 1971 Pentagon Papers case, the government did not, in spite of strenuous efforts, find grounds to prosecute the media for publishing the results of a leak. The government has not charged WikiLeaks founder Julian Assange for the publication online of an unprecedented amount of classified material. However, Assange, who has taken refuge at the Ecuadorian embassy in London, has said that he 'expects' to be charged. If he ever comes out, that is. The government has prosecuted and even imprisoned journalists in leak cases in the past for the journalists' refusal to disclose a confidential source. In such cases, notably the 2005 Judith Miller case, journalists have been charged with contempt of court. Instead of relying on the threat of a contempt charge to get journalists to divulge their sources, the Obama administration has used wiretapping and dragnet records seizures to identify who is talking to whom. Last week it emerged that the Department of Justice had seized phone records for more than twenty lines used by the Associated Press, in possible violation of regulations governing such seizures. There have been no reports of the government accusing journalists of criminal activity in that case.

Police have reportedly searched the Commons office of the MP Nigel Evans in relation to what they describe as 'a "serious arrestable offence.' The search, which took place on Sunday, was conducted after a warrant was approved by Preston Crown Court. Commons Speaker John Bercow said that he had considered the warrant personally and taken advice from the attorney general before allowing the search. Evans was arrested earlier this month in relation to allegations of sexual assault. He denies the allegations. The Ribble Valley MP, who was questioned by police earlier this month, has said the allegations are 'completely false.' Evans, who is also a deputy speaker of the House of Commons, has agreed that he will not resume his duties in the chamber while police continue to investigate allegations against him but will continue his constituency work. In a statement, Lancashire Police said that they had 'searched offices in London' in connection with an investigation, adding that they had 'gone through all the appropriate and necessary procedures before taking this step.' Bercow said that he had consulted the attorney general and the solicitor general before granting the police's request and had also sought the advice of the Clerk of the House, who advises the Speaker on procedure and parliamentary privilege. In a statement at the start of parliamentary business, Bercow said he had been advised 'there were no lawful grounds on which it would be proper to refuse its execution.' He told MPs that the 'precincts of Parliament are not a haven from the law. The Serjeant at Arms and Speaker's Counsel were present when the search was conducted,' he added. 'Undertakings have been given by the police officers as to the handling of any parliamentary material until such time as any issue of privilege is resolved.'

An engineer found a nest of reptiles in a Virgin TV cable box. Martin Burgess-Moon, of Whitleigh, noticed a problem when his TV signal started breaking up and his Internet access failed, the Daily Scum Mail reports. 'The Internet at our home in Whitleigh went down and our TV picture was dodgy, so we called Virgin who sent an engineer out,' Burgess-Moon said. 'When he opened the box outdoors he discovered what looked like a nest of snakes. It appeared to be a mother with lots of babies, all wrapping themselves around the cables. He was worried but soldiered on nonetheless.' He added: 'Thankfully our Internet and TV are now working. Our guests remain in the box and can stay as long as they like.'
Police have tracked down a man who allegedly posed as Peter Kay's brother to con pub landlords. Peter Stead has now been charged with five counts of fraud, after it was claimed that he took money to stage charity stand-up nights that never took place. The fifty-year-old is said to have told five bar owners in the East Midlands that he was Danny Kay, Peter's brother, and that he was raising money for The Lewis Mighty Fund for children with cancer. Police have been seeking Stead since 2009, and put out an appeal on Crimewatch earlier the next year. They renewed their efforts last month. Derbyshire police confirmed that they arrested and charged Stead last week, adding: 'We put out a reappeal for information last month which led to a number of calls from members of the public with possible sightings of him across the country.' He has been remanded in custody to appear at Derby crown court on 31 May. Lewis Mighty, who was from Derby, died after a four-year battle with neuroblastoma last year, at the age of seven.

Eddie Braben, the comedy scriptwriter most associated with Eric Morecambe and Ernie Wise, has died at the age of eighty two. He died on Tuesday morning after a short illness, his manager Norma Farnes confirmed. Eddie was a key member of The Morecambe & Wise Show team from the late 1960s onwards, and was credited with contributing to their huge success by introducing elements from their off-stage relationship into their act. When Braben took over from Eric and Ernie's previous writers, Dick Hills and Sid Green, he made the on-screen partnership considerably deeper and far more complex than during their Two Of A Kind days at ITV. Eddie attributed the 'characters' he created to having studied Eric and Ernie at rehearsals and said that he merely 'exaggerated' their existing characteristics to best effect. The TV critic Kenneth Tynan noted in 1970 that, with Braben as writer, Morecambe and Wise had an utterly unique dynamic among comedy duos - 'Ernie' was, essentially, a comedian who, actually, wasn't especially funny, whereas 'Eric' was a straight man who very much was. The 'Ernie' persona became, simultaneously, more egotistical and yet also more naĂŻve as the series progressed whilst Eric was becoming the world-wise one. Morecambe pointed out in interviews that Braben had specifically written his character as 'tougher, less gormless, harder towards Ern.' It was Braben who scripted Glenda Jackson to appear in Ernie's Antony and Cleopatra and gave her the grandly delivered line: 'All men are fools, and what makes them so is having beauty like what I have got.' AndrĂ© Previn was the long-suffering conductor of Morecambe's massacre of the Grieg Piano Concerto, admittedly playing 'the right notes – though not necessarily in the right order' and Yehudi Menuhin was told he could not appear on the show without his banjo. But it almost didn't happen. After Braben had worked for Ken Dodd for more than a decade, Bill Cotton, the BBC's head of light entertainment, suggested that he come to the BBC and work for Morecambe and Wise. This was immediately after Morecambe had suffered his first heart attack. The self-doubting Braben thought that he was not good enough. He tried to ignore the approach, especially as he had a wife and a young family, had no intention of leaving Liverpool for London, and thought the risk too great. However, he eventually agreed to write some specimen material. The BBC asked for 'a few pages.' For a week, until the meeting with Cotton and the two comics, Eddie burned the midnight oil typing out thirty pages of sketches and routines. When he encountered Morecambe and Wise in person for the first time, they hit it off immediately. Reading the provided sketches, they laughed so much that Morecambe had to take his spectacles off to wipe his eyes before declaring that they couldn't do the material. Cotton convinced them otherwise, and the first Braben-written show went out on BBC2 in July 1969. Memorably, Morecambe made his usual solo entrance, opened his jacket, looked at his fragile heart and said: 'Keep going, you fool!' Eddie also wrote for comedy greats such as David Frost, Mike Yarwood and Ronnie Corbett. Although, admittedly, he wrote for Jim Davidson as well. Farnes said that Bill Cotton 'recognised the brilliance of Eddie's writing was the ideal marriage that would guarantee the success of Morecambe and Wise.' Comedians have been paying their respects on Twitter including Jack Dee who tweeted: 'What a great and lasting contribution Eddie Braben made to British comedy.' David Baddiel called Eddie 'a man who, comically, played all the right notes, in the right order, all the time.' Eddie became a full-time comedy writer in the 1950s, and produced scripts for many comedians of the time, being most associated with fellow Liverpudlian Ken Dodd. He worked with Doddy for nearly fifteen years before being being lured to work at the BBC by Cotton. His first experience of Morecambe and Wise was as a teenager when he saw them perform at the Liverpool Empire supporting Lena Hall. 'I wasn't a fan when I first saw them,' he told the BBC in 2004. 'I thought they were too American: Ernie was abrasive and Eric was a bit silly.' Speaking to Miranda Hart in March this year, Eddie remembered the anxiety of working his the comedy duo at the height of their success. 'The Morecambe & Wise Show became more important than Christmas,' he said. 'The real pressure came when I was sat in front of that typewriter with all those blank pages and there was a deadline and there was nothing happening. That's when you realised there were twenty or twenty five million people looking over your shoulder - all saying "make me laugh."' Although he kept the burden to himself, Eddie admitted that he did 'pay a price with health.' Shortly after winning a BAFTA in 1972 for his work with Eric and Ernie, he suffered a nervous breakdown. It would be two years before he returned to The Morecambe & Wise Show. Eddie was born in Liverpool in 1930, where his father was a butcher in St John's market, and was generous enough to invest in a fruit and vegetable stall for his son after he finished his schooling and national service in the Royal Air Force. Though Eddie hated crying his wares from the stall and was reduced to monosyllabic grunts, he loved writing jokes and dreamed that one day famous comedians would use them. He sent bundles of them to stage and radio comedians and in 1945 one of his favourite comics, Charlie Chester, bought one, reportedly for the princely sum of two shillings and six pence. Eddie was a big fan of another Liverpudlian, Arthur Askey, who rose to stardom in the first regular radio comedy series, Band Waggon. 'As a small boy I stood mesmerised standing in front of that small box called the wireless,' said Eddie, whose first aim was to be on the radio. It was not until the mid-1970s that he starred in his own radio comedies, including The Show With Ten Legs in which he appeared alongside Dad's Army actor Bill Pertwee. In 2001, Eddie collaborated with Hamish McColl and Sean Foley on the Olivier award-winning The Play What I Wrote, a tribute to the relationship between Morecambe, Wise and Braben. Directed by Kenneth Branagh and starring actor Toby Jones, it opened at the Liverpool Playhouse Theatre before transferring to London's West End. One very personal tribute was paid to Eddie by yer actual Keith Telly Topping's sometime writing partner, Alfie Joey: 'During my time as a brother in a religious order I was best man for Eddie's nephew Stu,' Alfie said. 'Stu told me that Eddie was a tough audience to please. I went all out to make him laugh with 'Best Man's Speech - The Musical.' Mr Braben loved it and told me to swap the monastery for the microphone which I did. He even passed on pictures of me that he took of the act. It sounds daft but his simple comment helped to change my life.' Eddie is survived by his wife Dee, three children and six grandchildren.

And even more sad news, I'm afraid. Ray Manzarek, keyboard player and founder member of The Doors has died aged seventy four. He formed the band with Jim Morrison - whom he had known at film school - in 1965 after a chance meeting on Venice Beach in Los Angeles. Manzarek, who had battled bile-duct cancer for many years, died in a clinic in Rosenheim, Germany, with his wife and brothers at his bedside. The Doors sold more than one hundred million LPs worldwide and Manzarek became one of the best-known keyboardists of his era, his artistry colouring hits like 'Riders on the Storm' and 'Light My Fire'. In his latter years, Manzarek played in many other bands and artists including Iggy Pop and Echo and the Bunnymen (whom he also produced). In the 1980s, Ray had a strong hand in the emergence of another quintessential Los Angeles band when he produced several LPs for the cult punk quartet X. He also recorded a rock adaptation of Carl Orff's Carmina Burana with Philip Glass. In 2000, a collaboration poetry CD titled Freshly Dug was released with British singer, poet and actor Darryl Read. Read had previously worked with Ray on the Beat Existentialist LP in 1994, and their latest poetical/musical collaboration was in 2007 with the CD Bleeding Paradise. In 2006, Ray collaborated with composer/trumpeter Bal. The CD which resulted, Atonal Head, was an exploration in the realm of electronica. The two musicians integrated jazz, rock, ethnic and classical music into their computer based creations. In 1998, Ray wrote a best-selling memoir, Light My Fire: My Life with The Doors. Drummer John Densmore paid tribute to Manzarek, saying he felt 'totally in sync' with his 'musical brother. There was no keyboard player on the planet more appropriate to support Jim Morrison's words,' he added. Guitarist Robbie Krieger, who continued to play with Manzarek following Morrison's death in 1971, said he was 'deeply saddened' to hear the news. 'I'm just glad to have been able to have played Doors songs with him for the last decade. Ray was a huge part of my life and I will always miss him,' he said. Manzarek, who was of Polish descent, was born and raised in Chicago before studying cinematography at the University of California in Los Angeles where he first met fellow film student Morrison. 'There was no idea of forming a rock and roll band at the time. Jim was a poet and a film maker - and not a very good film maker but a really good poet and a real intellectual,' he told Suzi Quatro in a BBC radio documentary. Ray took classical piano lessons as a child which later contributed to the fusion style of The Doors' music. 'The introduction to 'Light My Fire' was my little Bach study. I had a good time with that,' he said. 'The whole point of The Doors was a fusion of rock and roll but with some jazz, a little bit of classical, Robbie Krieger's flamenco guitar, and my classical background.' In January 1966, The Doors became the house band at The London Fog on Sunset Strip. According to Manzarek, 'nobody ever came in the place. An occasional sailor or two on leave, a few drunks. All-in-all it was a very depressing experience, but it gave us time to really get the music together.' The Doors later transferred to the Whisky-a-Go-Go initially supporting Van Morrison's Them and it was whilst at the Whisky that they were signed to Elektra. The original line-up made six studio LPs (five of them really very good indeed) in their six years together. The death of Morrison, from heart failure in a bath in Paris in 1971, effectively spelled the end for the band, although they continues to tour and released a further two LPs with Manzarek taking over as the singer. Manzarek occasionally sang with The Doors even whilst Morrison was alive, including the live recordings of 'Close To You' on the seminal Absolutely Live LP and on the song 'You Need Meat (Don't Go No Further)' released as the b-side of their 1970 single 'Love Her Madly'." He also sang on the two Doors LPs recorded after Morrison's death, Other Voices (featuring the excellent 'Tightrope Ride') and Full Circle. The Doors lacked a bassist, so Manzarek usually played the bass parts on a Fender Rhodes electric piano. His signature sound is that of the Vox Continental combo organ, an instrument used by many other psychedelic rock bands of the era. He later used a Gibson G-101 Kalamazoo because the Continental's plastic keys frequently broke. Ray's instrumentation was a key part of The Doors classic sounds, best heard on songs as diverse as 'The End', 'When The Music's Over', 'Roadhouse Blues', 'Break On Through (To The Other Side)', 'The Soft Parade', 'People Are Strange', 'Soul Kitchen' and 'The Changeling'. At their height The Doors were one of the most famous rock bands in the world perfectly straddling the divide between top forty pop (they had three US number one singles, something which is often forgotten amid analysis of their more artsy - and pretentious - side) and dramatic rock-theatre. The story of their rise to fame and the untimely fate of Morrison has since been immortalised in the 1988 film The Doors by Oliver Stone. Manzarek hated the movie (although he said that he'd enjoyed Kyle McLachlan's performance as Ray) once infamously noting 'two of The Doors like the movie. Me and Jim don't!' He added: 'Oliver Stone assassinated Jim Morrison. The film portrays Jim as a a violent, drunken fool. That wasn't Jim. When I walked out of the movie, I thought, "Geez, who is that jerk?"' Ray moved to Los Angeles in 1962 to study film at UCLA where he found himself in the same class as Morrison. It wasn't until a chance encounter on Venice Beach three years later after Manzarek has graduated (and Morrison been thrown out) that the seeds of The Doors were planted. Morrison told Ray that he had been working on some lyrics. The legend goes that Ray asked Jim to sing one of his songs and Morrison did, a proto-version of the song 'Moonlight Drive.' 'That's the greatest song I've ever heard,' Manzerak reportedly exclaimed, excitedly. 'Let's form a rock and roll band and make a million dollars!' 'And there it was!' Ray wrote in his biography. 'It dropped quite simply, quite innocently from his lips, but it changed our collective destinies.' Manzarek and Krieger resumed touring over the past dozen years, playing Doors music with other singers and drummers. Initially, they called themselves The Twenty First Century Doors which contributed to a lawsuit by Densmore against his former band mates to stop them from touring under The Doors name. Densmore eventually won the suit. Ray is survived by his wife, Dorothy, brothers Rick and James Manczarek, son Pablo, Pablo's wife, Sharmin and their three children.

By a horrible coincidence, yer actual Keith Telly Topping had already chosen his Keith Telly Topping's 45 of the Day before the news of Ray's death came through. Fitting, then, that it's one of his - and The Doors' - finest seven minutes and forty five seconds. Take yer actual Keith Telly Topping's advice. Play effing loud!

Monday, May 20, 2013

Pure Dead Brilliant

The Lord Thy God yer actual Steven Moffat had already, sort of, unofficially announced it earlier in the week, but the BBC has now, officially, confirmed that Doctor Who has been re-commissioned for a new series, the eighth since the popular long-running family SF drama returned to TV in 2005 and the thirty fourth since the shown began in 1963. The programme's official website has revealed that The Moffinator his very self, the show’s lead writer and executive producer, is 'already working' on the new series and 'plotting a new run of adventures' for The Doctor and Clara. The series is expected to start filming towards the end of 2013 which suggests a transmission date of Autumn 2014. The website also looks ahead to the fiftieth anniversary later this year and promises 'big plans' are being put in place which will 'well and truly celebrate' The Doctor's half-centenary and no mistake. 'Your calendars should already have a big red circle around the 23 November because that's when the TARDIS returns in the frankly Earth-shattering adventure that celebrates half-a-century of Doctor Who' it says. 'This 3D special stars Matt Smith and Jenna Coleman with David Tennant and John Hurt, seen briefly at the end of The Name Of The Doctor. Billie Piper returns alongside Jemma Redgrave, Joanna Page and The Zygons!' Tasty. There will, of course, also be a drama about the creation of Doctor Who itself, An Adventure in Space and Time. Written by yer actual Mark Gatiss it charts the programme from its origins into a worldwide cult. 'And given that this year's Christmas Special will be rounding off such a spectacular year we're sure it will kick off The Doctor's next half-century in style.'
The Name of the Doctor achieved an AI score of eighty eight. Doctor Who, as usual, scored higher than most of Saturday's output with only Dad's Army on BBC2 scoring higher with eighty nine. Britain's Got Toilets had an AI of eighty four with the 2013 Eurovision Song Contest scoring but sixty nine, presumably from disgruntled Bonnie Tyler fans. 'Did my best.' Pfft. Loser. Anyway, the score of eighty eight is the highest audience appreciation index score for Doctor Who since the season opener, Asylum of the Daleks, which scored eighty nine. And, if you don't know what the AIs are and what a good score is by now, then Google it.
'Doctor Who centred on the idea that when you are a Time Traveller, your own final resting place is the one to avoid,' wrote the great Keith Watson, the Metro's TV reviewer about Saturday's series finale. 'Well, there's a relief: Doctor Who still has the power to get me all emotional. Floating the haunting suggestion that everyone, even an apparently immortal Time Traveller, has a grave out there, The Name Of The Doctor was a climactic episode that served as a timely reminder that beneath all the rushing about and alien in-jokery, Doctor Who can turn its hand to philosophical concerns. Playing out like those imagined last moments when your life flashes before your eyes, it centred on the idea that when you are a Time Traveller, there is one place you must never go: your own final resting place. It was a daring conceit, given that Doctor Who is not about to depart Planet BBC1 any time soon.' And, once again, Watto proves he's the best reviewer currently scribbling down his top telly tips on a regular basis. Present company very much included.

The 2013 British Soap Awards was the most watched programme on Sunday night, according to overnight figures. Which is, frankly, a staggering dreadful indictment of what a right shite state of affairs Sunday night's telly was. Hosted by odious waste-of-space Phillip Schofield (tragically minus both Gordon the Gopher and, indeed, Ze List), an average of 5.42 million sad crushed victims of society tuned in to see Coronation Street dominate the awards at 8pm on ITV. Earlier, Stephen Mulhern's Catchphrase was seen by 4.45m at 7.15pm. On BBC1, Countryfile brought in 5.42m at 6.30pm, followed by Antiques Roadshow with 5.39m at 7.30pm. Jason Isaacs drama Case Histories returned for its second series with 4.86m at 8.30pm. The final Match of the Day of the season had an audience of 3.46m at 10.30pm. BBC2's new series Ice Age Giants with yer actual Alice Roberts her very self attracted 1.97m at 8pm, while Australia with Simon Reeve was seen by 2.72m at 9pm. On Channel Four, World's Weirdest Weather brought in 1.32m at 8pm. A screening of the movie The Social Network grabbed 1.14m at 9pm.

Meanwhile here's the final, consolidated ratings for the Top Twenty Nine programmes week-ending 12 May 2013:-
1 Britain's Got Toilets - Sat ITV - 11.94m
2 Coronation Street - Fri ITV - 9.12m
3 The Voice - Sat BBC1 - 8.86m
4 EastEnders - Thurs BBC1 - 7.88m
5 Emmerdale - Thurs ITV - 7.25m
6 The Apprentice - Tues BBC1 - 7.25m
7 Doctor Who - Sat BBC1 - 6.64m
8 The Suspicions Of Mister Whicher - Sun ITV - 6.56m
9 Scott & Bailey - Wed ITV - 6.39m
10 The British Academy Television Awards - Sun BBC1 - 6.19m
11 BBC News - Sun BBC1 - 5.76m
12 Countryfile - Sun BBC1 - 5.73m
13 Casualty - Sat BBC1 - 5.62m
14 Ten O'Clock News - Tues BBC1 - 5.22m
15 Have I Got News For You - Fri BBC1 - 5.20m
16 FA Cup Final: Sheikh Yer Man City Versus Relegation-Haunted Wigan Not-Very-Athletic - Sat ITV - 5.07m
17 Paul O'Grady: For The Love Of Dogs - Thurs ITV - 5.04m*
18 Murder On The Homefront - Thurs ITV - 5.04m*
19 Holby City - Tues BBC1 - 4.64m
20 Six O'Clock News - Wed BBC1 - 4.58m
21 Watchdog - Wed BBC1 - 4.45m
22 Not Going Out - Fri BBC1 - 4.44m
23 Life of Crime - Fri ITV - 4.38m*
24 The Graham Norton Show - Fri BBC1 - 4.17m
25 Off Their Rockers - Sun ITV - 4.15m*
26 Catchphrase - Sun ITV - 4.11m*
27 All Star Mr & Mrs - Wed ITV - 4.04m*
28 The ONE Show - Thurs BBC1 - 4.07
29 Vicious - Mon ITV - 3.828
Programmes marked '*' do not include HD figures.
Scotland Yard has been accused of covering up intelligence that could have been of vital importance to the Leveson inquiry which allegedly claims that a very senior police officer was leaking information to the Scum of the World. By the Gruniad Morning Star if not, necessarily, by anyone that actually matters. Taking a moment off from their latest shitehawk Jeremy Clarkson 'exclusive' the Gruniad state that 'a year after a series of current and former Metropolitan police commissioners gave evidence to the inquiry, Robert Jay QC, counsel to the inquiry, confirmed that Scotland Yard had claimed "public interest immunity" in relation to the internal intelligence report, written in 2006.' Asked why he did not question senior Met police who gave evidence to the inquiry, which included former commissioners Lord Stevens, Lord Blair and Sir Paul Stephenson and other senior Met officers, about this matter, Jay said that the inquiry was 'not shown' the police report until after they had given evidence. According to Monday's Evening Standard the classified document suggested the officer — who is not named 'for legal reasons', whatever the hell that means — passed the leak on to the tabloid for money. Tom Watson - Power to the People! - the Labour MP and one of the most high profile critics of the Scum of the World at the height of the phone-hacking scandal, called on Met commissioner, Bernard Hogan-Howe, and the home secretary, Theresa May, to 'urgently review' what happened. Which, of course, they're not going to so, personally, I'd've saved your breath, Tom, you're gonna get nowt out of those fekkers. He said: 'People may have forgotten there is supposed to be a part two to the Leveson inquiry. This strengthens the argument for the second part to be held after the trials [of former Scum of the World staff]. It's very clear that an intelligence document exists that should be significant in showing the relationship between very senior officer at the Met and executives at News International and I think the home secretary and the commissioner should review the file. If they have nothing to hide they should release it.' The inquiry into press ethics started in November 2011 and held evidence-gathering hearings for nine months, devoting an entire module, lasting several weeks, to examining the relationship between the press and the police. When Lord Justice Leveson finally published his report last November, he criticised the Metropolitan police for 'errors' in its handling of the phone-hacking scandal and for 'fostering a perception' that some senior officers were too close to News International. He said 'decisions made in the period 2006-2010 can be characterised as insufficiently thought through wrong and unduly defensive.' Jay, who is poised to become a high court judge, confirmed that the report was not submitted by Scotland Yard until 23 April last year. This was seven weeks after Stevens, Blair, Stephenson and other senior police officers were quizzed by Leveson. In a statement Jay said: 'The Metropolitan Police Service is claiming public interest immunity in relation to any police intelligence report, the contents of which are neither confirmed nor denied.' He added had the inquiry had a continuing 'obligations of confidence' to the police in relation to their submissions. 'These factors have at all stages limited what I am able to place in the public domain, and continue to do so,' he said. 'That the Met was apparently able to gag Jay and Leveson will raise fresh questions about the inquiry's ability to deliver David Cameron's demands when he launched the inquiry in July 2011 at the height of the phone-hacking scandal and following the revelations that murdered schoolgirl Milly Dowler's phone messages had been intercepted by the News of the World' the Gruniad thunder. At the time, Cameron told the Commons that what the country needed 'to confront is an episode that is frankly disgraceful, accusations of widespread law-breaking by parts of our press; alleged corruption by some police officers; a failure of our political system over many, many years to tackle a problem that's been getting worse.' Jay said that he had his hands tied in relation to the contents of the intelligence report. He said the Met 'first provided me with a copy of a police intelligence report on 23 April 2012', which he said was well after senior officers had testified. In a statement, Jay said he had received confidential information 'from at least two sources', including the MPS, in relation to the alleged leak but at the time had not been shown the police report. The intelligence report was written in 2006, the year it first emerged that at least one reporter on the Scum of the World was engaged in phone-hacking.

The actor Neville Buswell, who played Ray Langton in Coronation Street, has denied historic sexual allegations which have been made against him. Two women have reportedly suggested that the actor indecently exposed himself to them during the 1960s. Buswell first appeared in the Granada soap in 1966 becoming a regular and remaining with the show until 1978. He subsequently reprised the role for a one-off Las Vegas special in 1997 and later returned for six weeks in 2005, which saw his character killed off. Over the weekend it was reported in several tabloids that a fourth 'Corrie star' was being questioned by police about a sexual offence, but the person in question remained un-named. Subsequently, two newspapers reported that the actor in question was Buswell who has now spoken out to deny the allegation that he was a flasher. Buswell, who now lives in the US, He told the Mirra that he had 'never met' the woman involved and denied any wrong-doing. The tabloid quotes another, unnamed, Coronation Street actor, whom they suggest worked with Buswell, as saying: 'It's hard to believe he'd get himself in bother with anyone. The idea that he would expose himself to a young girl seems laughable.' The seventy-year old has been accused by two women about historic allegations of inappropriate behaviour dating back to the 1960s when both were girls under the age of sixteen.

Mock the Week will be back for a twelfth series in the summer, it has been confirmed. The Dara O'Briain-hosted panel show will broadcast for the first time in HD and will be filmed for the first time at London Studios on the South Bank rather than BBC Television Centre. Chris Addison, Hugh Dennis and Andy Parsons are all back as series regulars. Confirmed guests for the series include Milton Jones, Ed Byrne, Miles Jupp, Katherine Ryan, Chris Ramsey and Josh Widdicombe.

A blue plaque in tribute to the comedy double act Eric Morecambe and Ernie Wise has been unveiled at the studio where much of their later work was shot. The Heritage Foundation erected the plaque at Teddington Studios in West London. It was revealed by Morecambe's widow Joan and daughter Gail in front of guests including comedian Bernard Cribbins and presenter Michael Aspel. Morecambe and Wise's entertainment career lasted more than forty years. Studio one at Teddington was the production home for the last four series of the duo's programme. The - not as good - ITV ones, in other words. Joan Morecambe said it was a 'very special day indeed. And they were very funny,' she added. Which, they were.
Meanwhile, on a similar note, Hancock's Half Hour and Steptoe and Son writers Ray Galton and Alan Simpson are also to be honoured with a blue plaque at the hospital where they first met. The British Comedy Society will unveil the tribute at Milford Hospital near Godalming in Surrey on 1 June. It is there that Ray and Alan met in 1948, when they were both being treated for tuberculous, which required long and painful procedures and recuperation. They were the youngest patients there, and Galton had not been expected to survive more than a few days after admission. After discovering a shared love of US comics such as Jack Benny and George Burns, their first collaboration was on a series for the hospital's radio station called Have You Ever Wondered? After they left the hospital in 1950 and 1951, they decided to try to make a career as comedy writers, and came to create two of Britain's most enduring series. They were were both awarded OBEs in 2000 for their contribution to British television. Both writers – now eighty two and eighty three – are expected at the plaque unveiling along with Paul Merton, Barry Cryer and producer Beryl Vertue, who started her career in the Associated London Scripts office Galton and Simpson shared with Spike Milligan, Eric Sykes, Johnny Speight and Terry Nation.
A review of BBC Online and the Red Button service by the BBC Trust has found they are serving audiences well but there is room for improvement. The report by the BBC's governing body found that the BBC Online service 'is greatly valued and highly rated in terms of quality and distinctiveness.' But the Trust said BBC Online failed to hit its target of reaching sixty five per cent of the UK adult population by 2014. The target was set in 2011. Since then, its audience reach has risen to sixty per cent. The Trust said this represented a 'strong performance in a competitive market' and that the appreciation of BBC Online has been driven by News, Sport and the iPlayer. A spokeswoman for the BBC Trust said the failure to reach audience targets did not affect the conclusions of the review. 'These targets were set by management, not by the BBC Trust, so they were not a material consideration for our review. We appreciate the Executive's transparency in telling us that they had failed to meet their own performance targets, but the trust does not require them to set such targets.' But the governing body also found that the local and regional news pages were 'of a significantly poorer standard' compared with the UK and international news. The Trust also said BBC Online's internal search engine did not meet audience's expectations - while the breadth of BBC online content was praised, they found it could be difficult to find relevant content. The Trust has set out a number of actions to improve BBC Online, including improving navigation across the website and providing greater local services offered online. The review found that BBC Online is on track to deliver its commitment to reduce spending by twenty five per cent, a target set in 2011. BBC Online and Red Button are two of the most widely-used BBC services. BBC Online reaches around twenty two million adults each week, while the Red Button reaches over seventeen million each week. BBC Red Button consistently reaches more people each week than any other interactive TV service. Due to the reduction in capacity on some digital TV platforms, the review found the Red Button 'may struggle to meet audience expectations of providing extended events coverage on those platforms.' But the Trust is 'confident it will remain an important service for licence fee payers.'

Crucial evidence from the 1989 Hillsborough football disaster, which was undermined at the original inquest, was true, BBC's Panorama has found. An off-duty police officer has always maintained that he tried to treat a dying boy after the time at which the coroner said no-one could have survived the crush. His account cast doubt on medical evidence that supporters could not have survived beyond 15:15 on that day. Panorama's analysis of unbroadcast TV footage shows that the officer's account was true. Ninety-six fans died after they were crushed to death on 15 April 1989 during an FA Cup semi-final between Liverpool and Nottingham Forest at Sheffield Wednesday's Hillsborough stadium. The inquest at the time resulted in verdicts of accidental death but, in December last year, the High Court quashed those verdicts and ordered fresh inquests to take place. The TV footage seen by Panorama calls into question the response of the emergency services on the day. The Hillsborough Independent Panel's report into the disaster - published last year - analysed the medical evidence. It found that given proper treatment, more than half of the ninety six fans who died, including the fifteen-year-old boy, Kevin Williams, might have had a chance of survival. Off-duty Merseyside police constable Derek Bruder, who tried to resuscitate Kevin, was one of those whose evidence was undermined at the inquest. The Hillsborough disaster was recorded by seven BBC Sport cameras, and a BBC news team, while the police had CCTV and a mobile camera unit. The BBC footage was later released to the police and the families' lawyers but it was then locked away as it was considered 'too distressing' for broadcast. Some twenty four years on, Panorama has been able to analyse it. At 15:06, the match was stopped as Liverpool fans began escaping the overcrowded terraces onto the pitch. At 15:28, Kevin Williams was pulled out of gate three and laid on the pitch. Soon after, he was carried across it. A fan who tried to help him believes he was still alive. Steve Hart said: 'I remember shouting to everyone to pick him up and get down there with him, you're looking at people everywhere and you're thinking, obviously my instinct was this lad needs help.' PC Bruder was photographed kneeling on the ground giving Kevin the kiss of life, but he was not sure at what time the photograph was taken. Bruder told Kevin's mother, Anne, how he had tried to help her son. 'He told me then what he'd done for Kevin and I said "Was my son alive?" He said "Well, if you say finding a pulse with the first two fingers. If that means he was alive, then he was alive,"' she said in one of her last interviews before she died last month. But the coroner at the original inquest ruled that all those who died that day had been 'beyond help' by 15:15. This decision meant the response of the emergency services was never properly investigated. A fleet of ambulances was parked outside the ground, but crews and emergency equipment were not sent inside. Tony Edwards, who was on board one of the few ambulances that entered the ground, said: 'I always think in terms of a rail accident. Could you imagine the public outcry if all ambulance crews remained on an embankment simply because they couldn't get the ambulance down to the scene of the accident? That doesn't happen. They get out of their vehicles and if that's the length of a football pitch, they have to go, they make their way there.' Bruder said an ambulance was arriving and driving past as he treated Kevin, but he was not called to give evidence at the inquest. Instead his evidence was outlined to the coroner by a West Midlands police officer. He mentioned only two ambulances going onto the pitch, both before Kevin was carried to the end where PC Bruder tried to save him. As a result, Bruder's evidence was considered unreliable. But the footage analysed by Panorama shows that a third ambulance turned up after 15:30. Edwards was the ambulance man in the third vehicle and said that the West Midlands Police officers investigating the disaster knew this before Bruder's evidence was undermined at the original inquest. 'They had a video set up, they had photographs and they had laid out photographs as well and it was them who said to me, "I want to show you your vehicle coming on the pitch at 3:35,"' he said. The footage also shows the moment when PC Bruder goes to help Kevin. It is after 15:30 and proves that he had been right in his recollections all along. Bruder has told Panorama that he has now made a complaint to the Independent Police Complaints Commission about how his evidence was handled. West Midlands Police said it would co-operate with the IPCC and could not comment while inquiries continued. Yorkshire Ambulance Service NHS Trust said it would co-operate with any new legal inquiries.
Is it too soon for the BBC to be making jokes about the Jimmy Savile fiasco? Apparently not, as long as it's cheeky chappie Graham Norton that's making them. At last weekend's BAFTA TV awards Norton's opening monologue was run in full, although some of the gags, for example about Television Centre and 'the stories that building could tell ... well, it's shut now, let's leave it' or some stars' recent experiences ('we want to finish before any of our winners or nominees are unavoidably detained'), were rather naughty. Funny though.

Rolf Harris has performed his first live show since his arrest over historical sexual assault claims. The broadcaster and artist reportedly received multiple standing ovations from the audience at the Rolf Harris Live show in Bristol on Saturday. The eighty three-year-old entertainer thanked fans for their support. 'You've no idea what this means - for you all to turn up with such support and such enthusiasm,' he told the audience. Harris was interviewed under caution by police in November 2012 over historical allegations of sexual offences. He was then arrested and bailed in March 2013. He has not yet been charged with any offence. He also told the audience about a letter of support he had received. 'A couple called Helen and Matthew sent me a card of support which said: "It's not about waiting for the storm to pass. It's about learning to dance in the rain."' The show was billed as a 'rare stage appearance' and 'an opportunity to hear his classic songs'. Harris, known for his passion for art as well as his broadcasting, also painted a picture on stage. The audience gave him a standing ovation when he walked onto the stage, followed by three more during the show itself. A review by Martin Booth from the Bristol Post said 'despite the current allegations surrounding him, he proved why he has been a consummate entertainer for the last five decades. Harris deserved every single one of his standing ovations,' it added.

A celebrated Pre-Raphaelite painting which led to the marriage breakdown of its famous Victorian sitter has been acquired by an Oxford museum. The portrait of art critic and poet John Ruskin by John Everett Millais has been allocated to the Ashmolean. Ruskin and Millais were close friends but the painter fell in love with Ruskin's wife when he began the portrait in 1853. The museum said it was 'one of the most important Pre-Raphaelite paintings' that had remained in private ownership. The portrait was started during a group holiday in Glen Finglas, a remote area of The Trossachs, north of Glasgow. A museum spokesman said: 'It was during this holiday that Millais fell in love with Effie Ruskin, setting in motion the events which would break the Ruskins' marriage.' According to the museum, Millais had declared finishing the picture had become 'the most hateful task I have ever had to perform.' The Ruskins' marriage was annulled in July 1854 and a year later Millais married Effie. In 1871, Ruskin gave the portrait to his friend Henry Wentworth Acland. It hung in his house in Oxford and remained in the family until sold by his descendants at Christie's in 1965, where it was bought by the late owner. Professor Christopher Brown, Ashmolean director, called the painting 'extraordinary.' He added: 'The portrait is of supreme importance for the study of Nineteenth Century British art and it will be shown with the Museum's world-renowned Pre-Raphaelite collection.'

Azerbaijan's President, Ilham Aliyev - who is obviously not a complete and total nutter - has ordered an inquiry into why his country gave Russia nul points at Saturday's Eurovision Song Contest. Voters and the official Azerbaijan jury in fact gave strong backing to the Russian entry, according to officials. Azerbaijan's state broadcaster suggested there 'may have been voting violations.' Russia gave the maximum twelve points to Azerbaijan's entry - a ballad by Farid Mammadov. He came second behind winner Emmelie De Forest from Denmark. Russia's Dina Garipova came fifth at the event in Malmo. Azerbaijan's ambassador to Russia, Polad Bulbuloglu, disclosed that President Aliyev had 'ordered an investigation' and votes were being recounted. He added that he, personally, was absolutely bricking himself just in case The Butcher of Grozney decided to do something deranged and well-violent (he is a black belt in judo, after all) and administer some ad hoc punishment beatings in reparation for this manifest failure to show proper Goddamn respect to the country next door with lots of tanks. Or something. Mind you, he said all that very quietly. He added that 'a large number' of voters in Azerbaijan, submitting votes by text message, had supported the Russian Federation. 'According to this data, Russia should have received ten points from Azerbaijan. An announcement will be made about this tonight on Azeri Public Television.' Camil Guliyev, head of the country's state broadcaster, said the failure to give Russia any points was 'of serious concern. We sincerely hope that this incident, possibly initiated by certain interest groups, will not cast a shadow over the brotherly relations of the Russian and Azerbaijani peoples,' he said, without elaborating any further. Azerbaijan, which hosted last year's contest, has traditionally tried to maintain good relations with Moscow though there have been tensions over energy in the past which have threatened to kick-off, big-style.

Alastair Cook praised Stuart Broad and James Anderson after they hurried England to a one hundred and seventy-run victory over New Zealand in the first Test on Monday. The pace pair bowled unchanged in the second innings at Lord's, with Broad taking test-best figures of seven for forty four as the tourists were skittled for just sixty eight. Cook said: 'That was as good as any bowling I've seen in an opening spell. Jimmy and Broad have played a lot of cricket together and we are lucky to have their experience and skill.' Set two hundred and thirty nine runs to win after bowling England out for two hundred and thirteen on the fourth morning, the Black Caps' hopes were shattered in the hour before lunch as Broad claimed five wickets in his first five overs. Anderson chipped in by removing Dean Brownlie to leave the tourists reeling on an irreparable twenty nine for six at lunch. Broad described the spell as his best in test cricket but claimed Anderson's performance was more worthy. 'It's about rhythm as a bowler,' he said. 'I felt my stride pattern has been pretty good throughout the summer. I had confidence, knowing if I got the ball up there, there was enough in the wicket to help the bowlers out. I just hit my straps straight away. It happens like that. Some days you get the nicks; some days you don't. As a partnership today, the pressure Jimmy and I built, we didn't really give them anything. I've come away with seven wickets but Jimmy was the leader of this attack. He got to three hundred test wickets and got five wickets in the first innings and he should be coming up to get this man-of-the-match award.' New Zealand captain Brendon McCullum, who was dismissed by Broad in both innings, said: 'The difference between the two teams came down to that one hour of madness before lunch. You've got to give credit where credit is due and Stuart Broad's spell of bowling was high-class. He swung the ball beautifully, he was able to get the odd ball to hold its line up the slope and his lengths were impeccable. He bowled at a reasonable pace as well and we weren't able to find out a way to get through it.' Although the test was won with a day-and-a-half to spare, England's batting remains a concern after collapses in both innings. Cook admitted: 'We wanted more runs, but cricket's a strange game and sometimes results like that happen. We can improve in all areas of our game, but a one hundred and seventy-run win is a big win. At one hundred and fifty nine for two (on day three) with a lead of nearly one hundred and ninety, we were thinking "bat them out of the game", but Tim Southee [six for fifty in the second innings and ten for one hundr4ed and eight in the match] bowled outstandingly well for New Zealand.' The Kiwis must regroup for Friday's second test at Headingley, having ended the match with wicketkeeper BJ Watling nursing a knee injury and spinner Bruce Martin hampered by a calf problem. 'BJ is a bit stiff and sore, so we'll evaluate him over the next few days, and Bruce is touch and go for the next game,' said McCullum. 'We've shown we have resilience to bounce back from tough circumstances but we took a step backwards today.'

You can find the most wonderful things on YouTube, dear blog reader. Take this little masterpiece of wistful nostalgia for yer actual Keith Telly Topping's homeboy gaff, for example. Gorgeous.
And so to yer actual Keith Telly Topping's 45 of the Day. Here's Tracy and the boys with a little pop classic.