When the former Doctor Who showrunner Big Rusty Davies announced his return to the BBC's popular long-running family SF drama last autumn, it wasn't merely us fans that were shocked
- and stunned - by this remarkable happenstance. His former collaborator and successor as Doctor Who showrunner, The Lord Thy God Steven Moffat (OBE) was also stunned - and shocked - only learning the news on the very evening before it was revealed to the rest of us. Now, a few months later, The Moff suggests that Big Rusty's return proves the 'vibrancy' of Doctor Who, sharing his thoughts on Davies' return with the Radio Times. Which used to be a really good magazine a couple of decades ago when it had adults running it. 'They're dragging him out of the archives!' The Moff joshed. 'My first thought, "Well it's brilliant news for Doctor Who." He's the finest writer working in television. And he's coming back to what is, I suppose, still his biggest hit. So that's just wonderful news. And sort of proof of the vibrancy of that show that he would do that - he'd come back to it. He's got every offer under the Sun. And what he's choosing to do is to come back to what all us right-thinking people know is the best show in the history of television.' 'If anyone can do it twice, it's Russell,' added regular Doctor Who contributor Mark Gatiss, who wrote several episodes for both Davies and Moffat during their time(s) in charge. 'I don't know a thing about it, which is brilliant. I know it'll be very big, ambitious stuff. And that's exactly what Russell has always brought to it. I think it's delightful. I saw him quite recently and he looked really, really happy. And I think that's a lovely thing to see. He's bursting with enthusiasm.'
The Lord Thy God Steven Moffat, meanwhile, has 'confirmed' to Radio Times - if not anyone a bit more reliable - that he 'can confidently say' he is 'done' showrunning Doctor Who. Not that anyone with half a brain in their skull had actually suggested he wasn't. 'Everyone can stop worrying. I did it for six seasons on the trot. And I cannot imagine going back into doing that. I simply cannot picture it.' He added: 'I loved the show. I don't want anyone to think I didn't love the show. And I loved every second I spent on it, although some of them were Hellish. But I've done that. I have done it and I did it a lot. So no offence and no disrespect and certainly no disdaining of wonderful memories but, no, I will not be showrunning Doctor Who again.' Of course, he didn't say anything about not writing for the BBC's popular long-running family SF drama again. Just an observation, dear blog readers (one which Steven will, no doubt, tear this blogger a new arsehole for over on Facebook!)
This autumn, of course, marks the final appearance of Jodie Whittaker in Doctor Who, with her Doctor bowing out in a BBC Centenary Special alongside current showrunner, Chris Chibnall. You knew that, right? How her Doctor's story will actually regenerate is still shrouded in mystery and discombobulation (although, there have, inevitably, been all manner of rumours and speculation), but it's worth remembering that Jodie's Doctor is not the only character having her story wrapped up. Yaz (Mandip Gill) is also set to depart in the autumn after four years in the TARDIS. Mandip told the Radio Times that her exit will be exciting and emotional. 'I think just like me, just like my character, there'll be a lot of tears,' she told the magazine when asked how fans would react to her character's end. 'But I loved where it ended up. think it was the right thing. It's exciting. There's a lot of emotion. And I think they'll be - not pleasantly surprised, but I think they'll realise that's exactly where it should be going.' With filming now having ended, Gill is experiencing her post-Doctor Who life, booking new roles (including her West End debut in 2:22 - A Ghost Story) and no longer beholden to the punishing ten-and-a-half-months-a-year production schedule of the BBC's popular long-running family SF drama. In reality, though, she says that the series will be with her forever. 'Is it ever post-Doctor Who?' she wondered. 'I feel like it's post-Doctor Who filming. Like that's what we should say.'
Chris Chibnall has been talking this week to several media outlets about the forthcoming Doctor Who Easter special, Legend Of The Sea Devils. And, this Radio Times piece definitely does contain a couple of spoilers. So, if you're worried about that sort of thing or don't want to risk it, then, under absolutely no circumstances whatsoever click on this here link. But, if you're not bothered about that nonsense, Chib appears to be on jolly amusing form.
The BBC have, this week, released a series of behind-the-scenes and on-set images from Legend Of The Sea Devils. Including one featuring Dan, Dan, the Crusty Old Sea-Dog man which made this blogger laugh, loads.
Outside Waterside Pool in Ryde and clearly visible from the road, is an old boat, now used as a flower bed reports the Isle Of Wight Observer. The Vera Lynn has a very interesting back story. 'It was the vessel used in the opening sequence of the Doctor Who episode, The Sea Devils, fifty years ago,' the paper notes. Actually, it was a six-episode serial, the boat only appearing at the start of the part one. Nevertheless, that minor point apart ... The Doctor (Mister Pertwee) and his companion, Jo Grant (Katy Manning) were seen in the boat being piloted to a remote island prison to visit The Master (Roger Delgado) who'd been banged up for his naughty 'Universal Domination'-related crimes and was doin' stir at Her Maj's Pleasure in The Slammer. So, he was biding his time watching Clangers on telly. And who, in all honestly, could blame him? The boat formerly belonged to Maurice Oakham, who was a boatman at Ryde.
And, speaking of the original 1972 Sea Devils appearance on Doctor Who, the following story concerns the script editor of that well-remembered story, the late, great, Terrance Dicks. Hey, this blogger doesn't just throw these blogs together, you know? Anyway, Keith Telly Topping's old mate Gary Russell was the inaugural recipient of The Terrance Dicks Award For Writers. The ceremony took place at the Doctor Who Appreciation Society's convention, The Capitol Five, at The Crowne Plaza Hotel, Gatwick. Gary received the award, a statue of The Master crafted by Gary Glover of Mooncrest Models, from Terrance's widow, Elsa. Gary said: 'To be the recipient of this inaugural award is an honour, a pleasure and a scary responsibility I could never have expected. Terrance was an inspiration, a mentor and above all, a good friend. Thank you to the DWAS and Elsa and the boys for this amazing award.' Gary is, of course, the author of numerous Doctor Who novels, edited the official Doctor Who Magazine for many years, wrote comic strips for IDW and was script editor on Doctor Who, The Sarah Jane Adventures and Torchwood on TV. He was one of the founders of Big Finish and is currently overseeing the animation of The Abominable Snowmen. And, in addition to all that, he's also a thoroughly decent bloke and a deserving recipient of the award.
This isn't exactly 'news' (in fact, the story first appeared, in various forms, in September of last year) but national heartthrob David Tennant is, claim the Radio Times, set to star in a modern-day Doctor Jekyll & Mister Hyde drama entitled Hide. Where he will be joined in the cast by his wife, Georgia. Described as 'a Jekyll & Hyde tale by way of a conspiracy thriller,' David plays a disgraced journalist who finds himself looking into a story which, he believes, could put his career back on track. Then, it all goes more than a bit pear-shaped and he finds himself on the run from The Law. As reported by Deadline, David - who will also executive produce the series - said, 'One of my earliest jobs was playing "first policeman" in a BBC radio adaptation of Doctor Jekyll & Mister Hyde. I read the book many years ago and I've been fascinated with this character for as long as I can remember. This story has followed me around for years, tapping on my shoulder slightly impatiently.' Director and executive producer Julie Anne Robinson said of the project: 'I am ecstatic to have this opportunity to work with such creative and talented individuals. The Jekyll & Hyde story is a classic and it is so thrilling to be bringing a new and exciting iteration to the screen with such brilliant collaborators.' To date, no other casting news has been revealed, but the series has been written by Agent Carter's Michele Fazekas and Tara Butters. Robinson and David have been friends for many years and had always wanted to develop a project together. Almost two decades ago, Robinson saw Tennant in a play at The National Theatre and subsequently cast him as one of the leads in the Peter Bowker's Blackpool, on which she was director.
The centenary of the birth of the great Nigel Kneale on 28 April is being marked in multiple ways this month, with the release of the BFI edition of Kneale's 1954 BBC adaptation of Nineteen Eighty Four on 11 April. Radio Four Extra is contributing to the celebrations with a repeat of Matthew Graham's adaptation of The Stone Tape on Saturday 16 April and Toby Hadoke's new version of 1963's forgotten masterpiece, The Road the following day. The latter will be followed by a new documentary by Toby, Remembering Nigel Kneale. This blogger also encourages dear blog readers to have a gander at Adam Scovell's lovely piece From The Stone Tape To Quatermass: Unearthing Nigel Kneale Locations Today at the BFI website. And, after that, the same website's Not Quite So Intimate: Nigel Kneale In 1959 is also well-worth a few moments of your time. As this blogger has previously written, in 'major event' TV plays like The Road, the extraordinary Bam! Pow! Zap!, Wine Of India and The Stone Tape, Kneale 'pulled Telefantasy away from its cosy little-England literary roots and into wild, experimental, almost nihilist areas never dreamed of in the austere, pipe-and-slippers post-war Britain of the 1950s ... And then there was The Year Of The Sex Olympics (1968), [a] play about a TV-obsessed totalitarian state which appeared to show Kneale's vision of mankind's immediate future as a crass, indolent, lobotomised race, wallowing in a gutter of hardcore pornography and degradation. And, after a decade of Big Brother and The X Factor, it's hard not to award Nigel ten-out-of-ten for foresight. Apart from uncannily predicting the rise of reality TV - and viewers voyeuristic interaction with it - however the play was, actually, Kneale's rather heartfelt acknowledgement of (if not, necessarily, endorsement of) the permissive society; 'the new honesty' as the author described it in a spectacularly forthright piece for Radio Times that had the editors of the magazine quick to make sure their readers knew these were not, necessarily, the views of anybody else at the BBC. It also, as with much of his work, showed Kneale's abiding distrust of all forms of the media, particularly (and ironically) television. For somebody who spent most of his adult life feeding The Cathode Ray, Kneale had an impressive, frequent ability to bite the hand that paid him.' Fascinating chap, Nigel Kneale - a great writer, obviously, that goes without saying but also a man who, seemingly, liked the concept of humanity, but didn't appear so keen on people. This blogger often knows exactly where was coming from.
'Vengeance is for the Lord.' 'Not in Small Heath it ain't!' Last Sunday saw the television finale of From The North favourite Peaky Fookin' Blinders; there is, apparently, a movie in the works about which there has been much speculation but little actual hard information at this stage - see, for instance, Radio Times hilariously empty 'what have we been able to find out about the Peaky Blinders movie?' article which manages to say in several hundred words what just two could have ('fek all'). The Gruniad Morning Star's Michael Hogan gave the finale a glowing write-up, noting: 'Like a frontman introducing the band, writer Steven Knight ensured this legacy tour gave much-loved characters their moment in the spotlight. Not only did Uncle Charlie come good. So did Johnny Dogs and Isiah. Fan favourite Alfie Solomons (Tom Hardy) arrived for one last spot of scenery-chewing, announcing himself with "I smell the smell of roasting Irishmen" ... Thomas Shelby MP's final appearance in the Commons wasn't what you'd call conventional. He met [Diana] Mitford on the famous green leatherette seats, requesting support for his housing bill - while outlining his leverage on an artfully folded paper plane. Mitford "wanted to fuck here, on these benches" but staunch socialist Tommy refused to go over to the Tory side, insisting she cross the floor. Any fears that Peaky Blinders might "do a Game Of Thrones" were put to bed by a satisfyingly propulsive parting shot. Clocking in at eighty one minutes, we'd been promised a mini-movie, a dry run for the forthcoming feature and that's what we got. This was part western, part gangster epic and so tense, I barely drew breath for the first hour.' Yeah, pretty much this blogger's take on things (except for the crass, atypically sneering Middle Class hippy Communist Gruniad Morning Star Game Of Thrones-bashing which should've been put in the ground years ago. And, indeed, very much was on this blog).
Keith Telly Topping caught up with the latest two episodes of Picard over the weekend. Now, here's a funny thing, as soon as this blogger read that virtually all of this series was going to be set in (near) present-day LA, he thought to his very self, 'Keith Telly Topping,' he thought. 'I'll bet my entire Deep Space Nine DVD collection that this will include several direct references to The Voyage Home (and, probably, an oblique one to Assignment: Earth).' What can this blogger say, dear blog reader? Keith Telly Topping just loves being right.
And, still on the subject of Picard, this week has seen a significant announcement with regard to the cast of the next (and, finale) series of the Star Trek: The Next Generation spin-off. And, by 'significant', this blogger - for once - isn't even lyin', nor nothing.
Paramount has unveiled the official trailer for Star Trek: Strange New Worlds, the highly anticipated upcoming prequel series and latest addition to the expanding Star Trek Universe. It looks totally great, by the way.
The Split, featuring From The North favourite Nicola Walker, returned to the BBC this week for the opening episode of its third - and final - series. The Gruniad's Rebecca Nicholson has done a (rather decent) think-piece on the show - See You In Court! The Return Of Sex-Packed Legal Drama The Split - which, should you wish, you can read here.
Also highly recommended from the Gruniad is Stuart Jeffries' review of the opening episode of House Of Maxwell, also broadcast this week. 'Maxwell House was once an unspeakable instant coffee in the UK; now the house of Maxwell is an unspeakable if more successful brand, whose every cough, spit and miaow is to be plundered in the way Robert did with the Mirror Group pension fund. I'm not sure this series adds much to the story set out in John Sweeney's excellent podcast, Hunting Ghislaine, other than audio recordings of panicked lackeys wondering what will happen when their master's body is recovered. But its confident retelling of the grisly family saga makes one wonder if daddy's example showed his children that morality is for little people. Certainly, the tale told here of how Maxwell stymied publication of Tom Bower's disobliging biography, which dared to depict Maxwell as a black marketeer profiting from shortages in postwar Berlin, suggests how ruthless in protecting the gilded lie Ghislaine's father was. The series takes us from the Carpathian shtetl, in Ukraine, where Robert was born in 1923 to the Brooklyn detention centre in early 2022, where Ghislaine awaits sentencing for sex trafficking underage girls for her former boyfriend Jeffrey Epstein and for others devoid of moral sense - although not Prince Andrew. Heavens, no.' Indeed. Very hot water. There's also a similar review by the Independent's Jon Sommerlad which noted: 'Also offering insight into Robert Maxwell's relationship with his daughter and her siblings in the programme was former Sunday Mirror editor Eve Pollard, who said: "He had great fondness for Ian and Kevin and Ghislaine. It was the sort of love that could grab you by the throat as well as the heart and you never knew which way it would go.'
Bad Wolf Production's latest genre addition to their upcoming drama slate is an adaptation of Bernard Cornwell's Warlord Chronicles, The Winter King. This is a fresh take on the Arthurian legends from the author of the Sharpe novels and will be filmed in Wales and the West Country later in 2022. Kate Brooke and Ed Whitmore are writing the scripts with Otto Bathurst as director. This is, of course, in addition to the new series of Doctor Who, which will also shoot this year. Once they've announced whom The Doctor is. A subject which this blogger was recently discussing on BBC Newcastle with his most excellent fiend, Alfie Joey (from one hour and fourteen minutes in and available on Baby Sea Clowns for approximately the next three weeks).
BBC Studios is, reportedly, working on a TV version of David Barnett and Philip Bond's comic strip Eve Stranger, according to Deadline. It will come from their Drama Production Unit, whose previous series including The Watch and follows 'the enigmatic Eve, an amnesiac for hire who has unlimited funds, a jet-set lifestyle and extraordinary abilities.' According to producer Matthew Bouch, it's 'a mind-bending journey, a wild mix of complex characters and comic book verve taking us on an action-adventure ride that dazzles even as it deepens in psychological richness.' 'What David and Philip created under Shelly Bond's auspices is a character for the ages,' said executive producer Chris Ryall. 'Eve is a black-ops action hero capable of amazing feats but incapable of remembering last week. Every job, Eve wakes up with a new assignment and a bloodstream filled with nanoboobs that can only be suppressed by the contents of a mind-erasing syringe and after her misadventures with giant gorillas, extreme assassins and other unsavoury types, she has found the perfect partner in BBC Studios, and so have we. I can't wait to see Eve's adventures come to life and engage viewers like they did readers.' Speaking to Sci-Fi Bulletin, David Barnett noted: 'We're all absolutely over the moon that BBC Studios has picked up Eve Stranger for adaptation into a TV series. When Philip Bond and I, alongside Shelly Bond, were creating the character we knew we had something quirky, original and compelling and it's absolutely amazing that the team at BBC Studios, which is responsible for some brilliant programmes, has seen the same thing. Veronica Gleason is a fantastic screenwriter and I can't wait to see her take on Eve and her weird and wonderful cast of co-stars.'
The lack of culture secretary, The Vile & Odious Rascal Dorries, is pushing ahead with controversial plans to privatise Channel Four, with the government backing proposals to sell off the broadcaster after forty years in public ownership. The government hopes to raise around a billion smackers from the sell-off, making it one of the biggest privatisations since Royal Mail went public a decade ago. Ministers have suggested they could spend the proceeds to 'boost creative training' and independent production companies, essentially funding their levelling up agenda. But, they probably won't. In fact, they're far more likely to simply organise a few drinks parties in Downing Street since they don't seem to have had any of those for some time. The plans had met fierce reaction from the media industry, with prominent broadcasters such as Sir David Attenborough suggesting the government was pursuing an agenda of 'shortsighted political and financial attacks' on British public service broadcasters. Particularly hilarious in this regard was the comments of Kirstie Allsopp who, as recently as recently, had her tongue rammed so far up the Tory party's collective ringpiece there was no room for anyone else to get in there for a damned good slurp. Channel Four's chief executive, Alex Mahon, told staff of the news in an e-mail on Monday night, saying: 'We have been informed in the last hour that the government will shortly announce that the secretary of state has decided to proceed with the proposal to privatise Channel Four. In our engagement with the government during its extended period of reflection, we have proposed a vision for the next forty years which we are confident would allow us to build on the successes of the first forty. That vision was rooted in continued public ownership and was built upon the huge amount of public value this model has delivered to date and the opportunity to deliver so much more in the future.' Mahon hinted that the current leadership of Channel Four would not go down without a fight, suggesting that 'ultimately the ownership of Channel Four is for government to propose and parliament to decide' and the lengthy process of passing legislation to privatise the channel meant it was not a done deal. On Monday evening That Awful Dorries Woman tweeted that public ownership was 'holding Channel Four back from competing against streaming giants like Netflix and Amazon.' One or two people even believed her.
This blogger was thinking this week (always a jolly dangerous thing), that one simply doesn't hear anywhere near enough uses of the phrase 'I'll go to the foot of our stairs' these days, does one? And, tragically, that situation is unlikely to change any time soon. Unless, of course, it is announced that's to be the name of Michael Palin's next travel series.
From The North favourite Hello To Jason Isaacs is featured in the Gruniad Morning Star's Q&A column this week. Asked by a reader 'please could you gear up as General Zhukov, head over to the Kremlin again and give you-know-who a good sock in the face?' Jason replied: '[From The North favourite] The Death of Stalin is so prescient; some scenes could be directly ripped from the news. Putin's press conference where he lined up all of his cabinet members could have been a monstrously-less-funny outtake. I find it terrifying that one of the best hopes is that somebody in Putin's circle will reach across that three hundred-foot table and put an end to this. It would take someone of Zhukov's stature, with balls the size of Kremlin domes. All actors have an infinite, bottomless pit of need for flattery. But anybody with half-a-brain can see that I clearly had the best lines. Who wouldn't love being given a five-course banquet every time you open your mouth? But it was weird to be surrounded by my comedy heroes. Every time they said "cut," I doffed my cap, sat at their feet and listened to stories of making Monty Python [Michael Palin], The Fast Show [Paul Whitehouse], Reservoir Dogs [Steve Buscemi] and Arrested Development [Jeffrey Tambor]. Then, when Armando Iannucci shouted, "Action," I suddenly had to take charge and slap them around!' And, dear blog reader, he did it in a magnificently Yorkshire way!
Now, dear blogggerisationism readers, stand by for the long-awaited return of an old, familiar From The North semi-regular feature.
Featuring, almost exclusively, the outputs of Talking Pictures, The Horror Channel, ITV4, Yesterday and UK TV Play. Starting with Solo For Sparrow. Featuring Michael Caine in a tiny role looking all of fifteen.
Night Of The Prowler.
Van Der Valk.
Psychomania.
The Champions.
Macbeth (2006).
Killing Eve.
I Start Counting.
The Prisoner.
Beat Girl.
Maigret.
Count Yorga, Vampire.
Passport To Shame.
The Night Caller.
The Disappearance Of Alice Creed.
The Outer Limits.
Cover Girl Killer.
Help!
Deep End.
The Haunted House Of Horror.
Diary Of A Madman.
We should probably follow that old favourite with a completely new semi-regular From The North feature, British TV Adverts Which Include Women With Bloody Annoying Voices. Number one: Louise Gummer (voice like someone with a mouth full of gobstoppers who, also, appears to be unbearably smug) advertising Viking Cruises. Gertcha. Annoying is, actually, far too mild a term for that.
Then, of course, there's number two: Jo Pickard (voice like someone who deserves a good, hard, eye-watering slap. Followed by another. Followed by several more) in the Omaze adverts. You know that 'setting ones teeth on edge' feeling one gets when someone drags their fingers down a blackboard, dear blog reader ...?
Facebook users around the world have, this week, been waking up to find themselves locked out of their accounts for no apparent reason. The message many received read: 'Your Facebook account was disabled because it did not follow our Community Standards. This decision can't be reversed.' One user whinged to the BBC 'there was no warning or explanation given.' Facebook's parent firm Meta said that it was investigating. PR consultant Jen Roberts - who, presumably, couldn't get a real job - was one of those to find herself locked out of her account. Despite not being an avid user, finding her account locked was still upsetting: 'All of the images from my university years and family occasions are on Facebook,' she whinged. 'I will no longer have access to fifteen-plus years of content, which is genuinely sad.' Yeah. Welcome to this blogger's world for the last ten months, Jen, m'darlin'. Maybe Facebook simply doesn't like PR consultants, TV reviewers, party planners and all other people with 'that's not a real job'-type jobs? That would certainly explain this blogger's inability to get them to talk to him when he had a - serious - problem. Meta subsequently announced the issue 'had been fixed' as of Friday afternoon. Without saying what the problem actually was. 'Earlier today, a technical issue caused a small number of people to have trouble accessing Facebook,' a company spokesperson told the New York Post. 'We resolved the issue as quickly as possible for everyone who was impacted and we apologise for any inconvenience.' So, Jen can relaxed and access her 'fifteen-plus years of content.' Unlike this blogger who couldn't last July and still can't.
This blogger discovered this week that one of the lads who cleans up the rubbish which has collected on the street outside The Stately Telly Topping Manor Plague House used to live next door to the (former) Stately Telly Topping Manor fifty years ago when yer actual was a youngling. He recognised this blogger. This blogger, on the other hand, utterly failed to recognise him. Proof, one supposes, that yer actual Keith Telly Topping is, sort of, unforgettable.
On Tuesday, for us geet lush luncheon at The Stately Telly Topping Manor Plague House was yet another round of home made beef curry with basmati rice, sliced mushrooms and freshly cooked garlic breed and a nice bottle of pop. Sorted.
Three days later this blogger found himself, once again, taking a brief - and, these dyas, increasingly rare - trip outside the safety of The Stately Telly Topping Manor Plague House and limp (slowly) down to the bus stop on a bright, if extremely chilly, Friday morning.
There was, of course, a reason for this necessary occasion. And it was really deserved.
Do any dear blog readers, Keith Telly Topping wonders, have any ideas what on Earth this blogger could possibly whip up with this lot for Us Supper at The Stately Telly Topping Manor Plague House? This blogger was thinking about doing Lobster Thermidor ... But, the lack of any lobster, fresh cream, a shallot, white wine, mustard and lemon juice kind of put pay to that notion.
For those of you who were wondering about this blogger's ongoing medical situation, a further hospital appointment has been arranged for the week-after-next. During which, this blogger was delighted to discover (irony), that he will be getting yet another endoscopy. This one, however, will be a 'down the throat'-type affair rather than the, ahem, 'up the Gary Glitter till his eyes water' jobbie which Keith Telly Topping had to endure whilst he was an in-patient in February. More news on how distressing and horrific that's going to be once this blogger has had it. And, then recovered his sense of humour.
And now, dear blog reader, the latest candidates for From The North's Headline Of The Week award. Starting with a mini-classic from the BBC News website: Lamb Chops Stuffed In Car Exhaust In Herefordshire Meat Attack. They even had pictures!
From the same source, there was also Crumbs! Lorry Sheds Biscuit Load Over Derbyshire Road. Expect to see most of these broken biccy packets on sale in a Poundland near you within days. At a somewhat reduced price, obviously.
From the Yorkshire Live website, there's Man On Solo Camping Trip Gets Roped Into All-Night Illegal Rave And 'Thought He Was Going To Get Murdered'. Well, we've all done it. In fact, that sounds like an average Saturday night round The Stately Telly Topping Manor Plague House.
'Bonkers' Council Bans Daffodils Over Health & Safety Fears is The Times' most 'outraged of Eastbourne'-style effort in some considerable time. And, more the sort of thing one would normally expect from the Daily Scum Mail. It'll be Ban This Sick Filth next, mark this blogger's words.
Belfast's Sunday Life, meanwhile, came up with a true, twenty four carat corker. Fake Nun Banned From Clonard Monastery After Eccentric Behaviour. A headline which, to be honest, attempts to write a cheque that the accompanying story simply hasn't got a hope in Hell of cashing.
Still in the Emerald Isle, the Irish Mirra's Barista Ends Up In Hospital After Holding In Farts Around Boyfriend For Two Years is a cautionary tale which all dear blog readers should take careful note of: Where 'eer y'be, let the wind blow free ...
The Irish Mirra's London counterpart, on the other hand, had their own cautionary tale concerning the new world order: Russian Socialites Shopping In Dubai Fuming As Chanel Won't Sell Them Luxury Items. Which is, obviously, a tragedy of monumental proportions (to be completely fair to the Daily Mirra, even they seemed somewhat aware of this).
And, then there's the always reliable Wales Online and their Man Became So Fed Up With Potholes On His Road He Began Planting Flowers In Them. Get yer hair cut, hippy!
But, this blogger believes that the undoubted winner of the From The North Headline Of The Week award for this latest bloggerisationism update goes to the Bournemouth Daily Echo. For Letter: 'Nudists Are A Disgrace To Our Lovely Area'. The spirit of Edna Welthorpe (Mrs) is among us, dear blog reader. Lordy, issa miracle. This blogger feels a quotation from The Hombres is appropriate at this juncture: 'A preachment, dear friends, you are about to receive/On John Barleycorn, nicotine and the temptations of Eve.'
The chocolate-maker Ferrero is recalling batches of Kinder Surprise Eggs in the UK due to a link with salmonella, the Food Standards Agency has said. One is aware of previous cases of salmonella in real eggs, of course, but chocolate ones ...? In an alert, the FSA noted: 'This is in connection with a potential link to a salmonella outbreak. A number of these cases have been young children.'
A man who, according to the Metro's Jessica Kwong, 'tugged one off four times on a two-and-a-half-hour flight' has been banned for life from using Southwest Airlines. 'Tugged one off'? This blogger imagines your parents are so proud of you, Jessica. Antonio Sherrodd McGarity allegedly pulled his pants down and masturbated mid-air 'at least' four times during the journey from Seattle to Phoenix on Saturday morning. Well, once you've had your meal and if the in-flight movie is something you've already seen, what else are you going to do? The woman sitting next to the individual involved took pictures and reported him to a flight attendant when he fell asleep after around an hour of pleasuring himself. She was allowed to move to another seat. When the plane landed and he was, if you will, tossed off (sorry) and arrested, she told police that she had seen him masturbating 'on four separate occasions, using both his left and right hands.' A good trick if you can, ahem, pull it off. Look, this blogger is working with the material that he's given, dear blog reader. McGarity's defence, he told the FBI, was that he had 'asked the woman if she minded whether he masturbated.'
Electric vehicle charging points in a council's car parks have, reportedly, been hacked to show a porn website on their screens. Isle Of Wight Council has three charge points in Ryde, Cowes and Freshwater. In a statement the council apologised 'to anyone that may have found the inappropriate web content.' Or, indeed, got ideas from it. The authority said that staff were due to visit the charge points 'to ensure the third party web address is covered up.' It is understood the chargers were meant to display the network's own website, but the web address had been redirected and was instead taking visitors to a pornographic site. The council said: 'We are saddened to learn that a third-party web address displayed on our electric vehicle signage appears to have been hacked.'
If ever you were looking for a decent excuse to use punctuation properly in texts and on social media, dear blog reader, this is probably it. Oh, and spelling things correctly also pisses them off greatly, this blogger has found.
Pink Floyd have released their first newly created music since 1994's The Division Bell, a single , 'Hey Hey Rise Up' with all proceeds going to Ukraine Humanitarian Relief. Firstly, Mister Bonio out of The U2 Group writes a poem about Ukraine, now this. Haven't those poor Ukrainians suffered enough already?
Pamela Rooke, who became an icon of the British punk rock scene as Jordan, has died aged sixty six. Her partner Nick wrote on Brighton & Hove News: 'She died peacefully a stone's throw away from the sea in her home town of Seaford, East Sussex in the company of her loving family at 9pm last night (Sunday 3 April) ... after a short period of illness, she succumbed to a relatively rare form of cancer known as cholangiocarcinoma (bile duct cancer). Jordan was a wonderful woman and will be remembered for countless decades to come.' With her highly imaginative makeup and clothing, Rooke was a linchpin of the London scene that produced The Sex Pistols, The Clash, Vivienne Westwood and more; her daring fashion sense helped to coalesce punk's aesthetic of leather, rubber, slashed fabric and partial nudity.
Rooke got a job at Westwood and Malcolm McLaren's boutique Sex in her late teens. 'I was running a gauntlet every day. People were scared of me,' she later said of her daring outfits. 'And the funny thing is, I was actually quite shy.' The Sex Pistols were regulars - Glen Matlock worked there at weekends - and Rooke became a mainstay at Pistols gigs, occasionally getting on stage with them. Including, memorably, their TV debut on Granada's So It Goes in which she provocatively wore a swastika. As well as managing Adam & The Ants, she performed with them, including on the song 'Lou' which appeared on the band's first John Peel Show session in 1978. She also managed Wide Boy Awake, featuring guitarist Kevin Mooney, whom she married - they divorced in the mid-1980s. One of her greatest cultural contributions was as something of a muse to film-maker Derek Jarman, who cast her as one of the leads in the fantastical Jubilee, playing a punk called Amyl Nitrate. She also appeared in his debut film, Sebastiane.
Rooke turned away from working in the arts to become a veterinary nurse and cat breeder. 'Things had become too hectic. It sounds really corny, but normality saved my life,' she said. 'A lot of my old teachers still live locally and bring their animals in,' she told the Gruniad in 2016. 'They remember all the trouble I got in at school. I had a row with my headmaster. He said, "I can't have you looking like this. You've got red and pink hair. You've got a Mohican. They'll all start copying you." I told him, "No one's going to copy me. Look at them. They're laughing." They made me wear a headscarf when I walked between lessons. Now these teachers say, "Oh, I always loved how you looked." A bit of history has been rewritten.' She will be portrayed by Game Of Thrones actress Maisie Williams in Danny Boyle's forthcoming Sex Pistols drama Pistol. Rooke recently described how she advised Williams on her performance: 'What I said to her was, "You're in a position of playing a role that is very strong, a strong woman and a woman set apart, really." I decided that I wanted to be me, like a walking work of art ... and I was totally and utterly unshakable. So she had to bring that to the role.'
And, here's a first glimpse of From The North favourite Maisie in the role of Jordan in a publicity shot from Pistol. Please note, that's not your eyes going all funny, dear blog reader, Maisie's nipples have indeed been blurred out. Don't blame this blogger, he rather likes nipples. He even had a couple himself.
Among all the outstanding actors who have appeared in the BBC's EastEnders over the years, none lasted longer, nor retained such huge popular affection, as June Brown, who has died this week aged ninety five. In the role of Dot Cotton, the chain-smoking, hypochondriac launderette manager of Albert Square, Brown created a great Dickensian character full of detail, humanity and colour that enrolled her in the long-running soap's female pantheon, alongside Barbara Windsor's Peggy Mitchell, Wendy Richard's Pauline Fowler, Anita Dobson's Angie Watts and Pam St Clement's Big Fat Cuddly Pat Butcher. Brown joined the cast in 1985, playing for eight successive years until 1993, when she took a break - and appeared in Rodney Ackland's Absolute Hell, a vivid chronicle of bohemian low-life in London just after the Second World War, at The National Theatre, alongside Judi Dench - before returning to Albert Square in 1997 and continuing for more than twenty years more, announcing in 2020 she had left the soap 'for good.'
As Dot, she gossiped for Britain, battled heroically with a wayward son (Nasty Nick), lost her job, helped her best friend to a comfortable death, married and lost a husband, Jim Branning (John Bardon) and maintained a running sparring match with Leonard Fenton's kindly GP, Doctor Legg. She often came out with the unexpected and a nation hung on every word, inhaled every puff, as she gallivanted spikily among her neighbours. Only an actor of vast experience, in life and in show business, could possibly have played and sustained such a role. Brown qualified, gloriously, on both counts. Apart from anything else, she produced six children in seven and a half years with her second husband, all of them in her fourth decade. 'Here's a funny thing,' she said, quoting Max Miller, 'when I was in hospital, having given birth to my first child, I did my ballet exercises every day at the end of my bed. A week later, when I left the hospital, my waist had reduced to twenty four inches; ironic, given how much I shunned exercise as a girl - and how little I do now!' When she appeared in Calendar Girls in the West End in 2009, aged eighty two, she claimed she was the only one of the replacement cast who stripped completely naked for the photo call. She simply could not care less about propriety or coy camouflage. She was one of those rare people in life, let alone the theatre, who simply said what she thought, did what she felt like and got away with it.
Four years after Calendar Girls, in 2013, she bonded big-time with Lady Gaga on The Graham Norton Show, to such an extent that it was she who came across as the more outlandishly eccentric and hilarious of the duo. Sipping from a large glass of red wine, she had the audience, and her fellow couch squatters, who included Jude Law, eating out of her hand for half-an-hour. Following her death, The Times 'paid tribute' to her by quoting - out of context - her memoir when she once admitted that she loved nothing more as a child than 'gassing rabbits'. 'There was nothing June Brown liked better than putting a rabbit in a biscuit tin, gassing it, and then cutting it up,' The Times obituary began, to the reported outrage on many fans. (Mind you, that's according to the Daily Mirra, the - alleged - 'newspaper' that recently claimed Huge Grant was going to be the next Doctor. And, before that, Kris Marshall was going to be Peter Capaldi's replacement. And that they never - not never - hacked anyone's phones, no siree Bob. So taking this alleged 'outrage' with a whole vat of salt is probably advisable.) The actress previously wrote in her autobiography, Before The Year Dot: 'Nowadays, people would scream in horror at the thought, but we were not sentimental about field animals. I loved dissection.'
June was born in Needham Market, Suffolk, the third of five children of Henry Brown, an entrepreneur in the expanding market of electrical gadgets and appliances and his wife, Louisa. She was educated at St John's Church of England school in Ipswich and, as a scholarship girl, at Ipswich high school. After wartime evacuation to Leicester, she served in the Wrens from 1944 to 1945, trained at the Old Vic School in London and joined the Old Vic company where, in the 1948 season, she appeared in Congreve's The Way Of The World, Chekhov's The Cherry Orchard and Marlowe's Doctor Faustus, in a company that also included Edith Evans, Faith Brook, Harry Andrews, Robert Eddison and Donald Sinden. She worked her way diligently round the reps, coming to a greater prominence in two seasons at the Shakespeare Memorial Theatre in Stratford-upon-Avon (1955 to 1957) and the Birmingham Rep where, in 1958, she played the title role in Hedda Gabler ('one of the most beautiful creatures I've seen on a stage' said the actor Nigel Hawthorne) and Lady Macbeth opposite rising star Albert Finney. Small roles on TV followed through the 1960s and 70s - in both Dixon Of Dock Green and Z Cars, though by now she was up to her elbows in children. Still, she managed appearances in The Rough & Ready Lot (1959) by Alun Owen, with Jack MacGowran and Ronald Harwood as soldiers of fortune at The Lyric, Hammersmith and in John Vanbrugh's Restoration classic The Provok'd Wife in a 1963 revival at the Vaudeville with Eileen Atkins and Dinsdale Landen. Appearing in many TV plays in the 60s, she also featured regularly in the Prospect touring company, based at the Arts in Cambridge, the launching pad of Ian McKellen, under the direction of Toby Robertson and Richard Cottrell. She maintained her 'serious' connections at The Royal Court in two controversial plays: Life Price (1969) by Michael O'Neill and Jeremy Seabrook, directed by Peter Gill, a play about a child murder on a Midlands housing estate which emptied the theatre for ten days then packed it out for two weeks when the doors were thrown open free of charge; and Just A Little Bit Less Than Normal (1976) by Nigel Baldwin, in which she played the mother of a young victim (Karl Johnson) of terrorist violence. In both, she represented an authentic voice of working-class anger.
On TV, her CV also included appearances in The Case Of The Frightened Lady, Television Playhouse, Teletale, The Wednesday Play, Owen MD, New Scotland Yard, General Hospital, Special Branch, South Riding, Churchill's People, The Prince & The Pauper, Couples, Angels, Clayhanger, Survivors, The Duchess Of Duke Street, God's Wonderful Railway, Play For Today, Lace, Now & Then, Minder, The Bill, Pirates, Doomwatch and Would I Lie To You? And, in the movies Inadmissible Evidence, Sunday Bloody Sunday, Straw Dogs, Don Sharp's mad-as-toast Psychomania, Murder By Decree, Nijinsky, The Mambo Kings and Bean.
Although she played the timid, maternal Mrs Parsons in three episodes of Coronation Street in 1970, the aristocratic Lady Eleanor in the classic four-part Mister Pertwee Doctor Who serial The Time Warrior in 1973 and had a scene-stealing role in an early episode of The Sweeney, it was EastEnders that changed her life. Dot kept her busy but she did manage another couple of low-life spirits - Nannie Slagg in Gormenghast (2000), with Warren Mitchell, Celia Imrie and Christopher Lee and a cleaning lady in Margery & Gladys (2003), a black comedy caper of a haughty widow (That Awful Keith Woman) and her cleaner (Brown) going on the run after mistakenly believing they has killed a teenage burglar; they evaded the police (Roger Lloyd Pack and Martin Freeman) and departed for the Caribbean after a night in Blackpool. A Conservative voter, Brown was appointed MBE in 2008 and OBE earlier this year. She published her autobiography, Before The Year Dot, in 2013.
She was married to the actor John Garley from 1950 until he took his own life in 1957. She married the actor Robert Arnold the following year. He died in 2003. Brown is survived by five children from her second marriage - Chloe, William, Naomi, Sophie and Louise. Another daughter, also Chloe, died as a baby.
And finally, dear blog reader, this blogger recently became aware of just how much the 1969-era John Lennon (specifically on Angus McBean's proposed, but unused, Get Back LP cover) looks uncannily like Dylan, The Hippy Rabbit off The Magic Roundabout. Keith Telly Topping reckons there's a 'separated at birth' if ever there was one ...
