Dudes, Lady-Dudes, all dear blog readers of indeterminate, self-idenitified or bi-curious orientation, welcome you all are to the latest From The North bloggerisationism update. Those dear blog readers who read - and actually survived - yer actual Keith Telly Topping's ceaseless whinging about the manifest crappiness of his life and health situation in the last bloggerisationism update will, no doubt, be delighted to know that this blogger is still feeling more than a bit poorly. And, that the situation at the Stately Telly Topping Manor Plague House is little different (this blogger's forthcoming chest x-ray at the RVI notwithstanding).
Except for but one thing; on Friday last, this blogger did, indeed - as threatened last time out - haul his sorry and ill ass into Toon to meet up with his good pal Young Malcolm. And, together, they went and had a pure-dead-lush Chinese meal at The Little Asia on Stowell Street (a restaurant that used to be The Mandarin back in the last decade before, seemingly, a change of management). And, very decent it was, too. The Mandarin was always one of this blogger's favourites - amongst several - in Chinatown but he hadn't been there for several years so it was heartening to see that the quality has, seemingly, been maintained. If you're taking notes, it was the usual three-courses-for-twelve quid lunchtime jobbie of, in this blogger's case, chicken and sweetcorn soup, Cantonese spare ribs and King Prawn in honey and chilli sauce with egg fried rice plus, because it was absolutely bloody taters outside, a nice hot cup of Chinese tea. Tasty. In several senses.
This blogger and Young Malcolm immediately made tentative arrangements to do that all over again at the earliest opportunity - although that's likely to be after we next get our shit together to attend the local kinema (probably to see Munich: The Edge of War) sometime in the next fortnight. In the course of a two hours-plus conversation about, well let's be brutally honest here, mostly the usual 'what movies have you been watching on Talking Pictures, the Horror Channel and BBC4 of late?' Young Malcolm also directed this blogger in the direction of the splendid British Entertainment History Project website and, in particular, a multi-part interview with Val Guest. And, to a Sherlock Holmes TV production this blogger hadn't previously come across, the Anglo-Polish production Sherlock Holmes & Doctor Watson (1979-1980), starring Geoffrey Whitehead, Donald Pickering and Patrick Newell. It was, apparently, mired in some knotty legal issues at the time which caused the series' release to be delayed, but it had now turned up on You Tube. According to Roy Ward Baker (one of several directors involved in the production with links to Hammer and ITC), as production wrapped the head of Polish television who had spearheaded the deal was arrested for corruption. The episodes were subsequently confiscated by authorities leading to inconsistent distribution; the show was never released in the UK and was only shown on a single American station in 1982. Eventually, however, the series premiered on Polish TV and was, reportedly, very popular with viewers, leading to regular re-runs. Check it out, dear blog reader, on the strength of the handful of episodes this blogger had seen so far, it's a lot of fun.
Elsewhere, dear blog reader, this blogger has been doing little or nothing remotely productive whilst sitting on his sofa wrapped in a dressing gown, several thick blankets and a couple of hot water bottles; watching telly, listening to podcasts and reading books to stop his brain from atrophying. He's still currently still stuck knee-deep in the previously-mentioned re-read of Mark Lewisohn's astonishing The Beatles: All These Years - Tune-In. It's now July 1960 and John, Paul, George, Stuart and Norman have got themselves a nice little residency at The Institute, Neston and there's big talk coming from Allan Williams' office that he might be able to get them to take their heathen rock and/or roll rhythms to Ze Chermans in Hamburg for, allegedly, mucho wonga and as much Preludin®™ as they can chew. They're interested, but problems with obtaining passports - and, the usual one, a lack of regular drums - may lie ahead. Time will tell, it usually does.
Otherwise, it's been the usual stuff which has occupied this blogger's time; the latest episode of From The North favourite Kermode & Mayo's Film Review, including coverage of the splendid-sounding Belfast and Mass and an interview with the Godlike star of the latter, yer actual Jason Isaacs his very self. There's also been From The North favourite Young Caroline's latest 'Listening To The Be-Atles (A Popular Beat Combo Of The 1960s, You Might've Heard Of Them) For The First Time' video in which she reaches Yellow Submarine (available on You Tube). And, another semi-regular From The North You Tube favourite, Parlogram Auctions latest upload, this one on the history of The Be-Atles (A Popular Beat Combo Of The 1960s, You Might've Heard Of Them) releases - or lack of them - behind The Iron Curtain.
And, of course, there's been ...
From The North favourite and location-spotting treasure, Vera.
(How nice it was, incidentally, to see in the latest episode - As The Crow Flies - not only From The North favourite Craig Parkinson in a guest role but, also, another From The North favourite, Wire In The Blood's Simone Lahbib.)
From The North favourite Would I Lie To You? Because, any time Bob Mortimer appears on the show, you're guaranteed a piece of comedy gold. Or several.
From The North favourite Randall & Hopkirk (Deceased) (always worth a periodic re-watch).
The Curse Of The Crimson Alter (in which director Vernon Sewell manages to waste the movie's main asset, the extraordinary cast that had been assembled. And, of course, it's also got The Single Worst Self-Aware Moment In Horror Movie History, the 'Boris Karloff is going to pop-up any moment' line which is teeth-grindingly annoying! Still, for all that, the film's still watchably daft).
Enron: The Smartest Guys In The Room (which, quite apart from being a superb Alex Gibney documentary - one of several - also has the best use of Tom Waits' 'God's Away On Business' imaginable).
The Inventor: Out For Blood In Silicon Valley (Gibney's similar tale from a decade later about further corporate fraudulence in the Theranos scandal. Which of course is, suddenly, highly topical given the shitload of jail-time Elizabeth Holmes is currently facing for her naughty fraudulent ways).
The Manchurian Candidate (let us, please, simply pretend that the Christ-awful, unwanted Jonathan Demme/Denzel Washington/Meryl Streep remake never happened. If we ignore it, maybe it'll just go away).
Performance (well-tasty Moog, Mick!)
Black Books (because, how can anyone not adore the 'Manny discovers his jazz hands' sequence?)
The Earth Dies Screaming
From The North favourite Qi XL (this blogger could've done without twisty-faced Bridget Christie and punchably unfunny Mark Watson on the latest episode, admittedly. But Johnny Vegas was, as usual, on terrific form).
The Rutles: All You Need Is Cash (yes, I think we can now all agree, it was definitely the trousers ...)
The Outer Limits (a current repeat run on Talking Pictures kicking-off with one of the most heart-stoppingly memorable episodes, The Architects Of Fear).
Aeriel America
The Big Short (and not just for the Margot Robbie in a bubble-bath sequence. Although, admittedly, that was an unexpectedly bonus).
Jekyll
Shatter (shown at some ridiculous hour of the morning by Talking Pictures. See, dear blog reader, this is what using your recording devices wisely is for. And, the discovery that there was, indeed, a reason why it was one of only a handful of post early-1950s Hammer movies that this blogger had never bothered with; because it's an indescribably cheap chock-socky movie trying to be both Shaft and Emter The Dragon simultaneously whilst featuring Peter Cushing in his least Peter Cushing-like role).
The Young Ones ('once in every life time, comes a love like this').
Foyle's War
Close Encounters Of The Third Kind
And Soon The Darkness
Moving on, swiftly, to those stories which this blogger has been fascinated by, repulsed by or bewildered by since the last From The North bloggerisationism update. There was Joss Whedon using an interview with New York magazine to deny a series of misconduct claims made against him (and, to paraphrase Mandy Rice Davies, 'well, he would, wouldn't he?'); the From The North Headline Of The Week award going to, UK's Bird Flu 'Patient Zero' Banned From Keeping Ducks For Another Year; two fans - Americans, obviously - of the actress Ana de Armas have, reportedly, sued Universal Pictures, claiming they were 'duped' into renting a film because she was in the trailer. Conor Woulfe and Peter Rosza whinged that they each paid $3.99 for the comedy Yesterday, only to discover the actress had been removed from the final cut. They are said to be seeking five million bucks compensation 'on behalf of all affected viewers.' But, mainly, on behalf of themselves.
An architect has, reportedly, applied at the High Court to change his name by deed poll to 'Kill The Police, Crime, Sentencing And Courts Bill' in protest at punitive new anti-protest legislation being debated in the House of Lords. Mind you, this is according to some Middle Class hippy Communist at the Gruniad Morning Star so it may be worthy approaching the veracity of the story with caution. Lego®™ has, allegedly, been sued by a designer over a leather jacket worn by the toy Antoni Porowski in Lego's®™ Queer Eye set. And, another headline that had to be seen to be believed, It Took Four Men & A Fire Extinguisher To Get The Tiger Off Him: The Tragedy Of Vegas Magicians Siegfried & Roy.
A villa in Rome housing the only a mural by Michelangelo Caravaggio has failed to sell at auction (mind you, the asking price was over four hundred and seventy million Euros). A theatre show inspired by Peaky Blinders is set to premiere in Birmingham. Durham University fibre-optics have, reportedly, helped the largest 3D map of the Universe. A man is claimed to have 'hijacked an online vigil' held for the murdered Ashling Murphy 'by exposing himself and appearing to masturbate live on-camera'. And, Skywatchers have been treated to a spectacular first full Moon of 2022.
England boss Gareth Southgate is, reportedly, looking into the possibility of taking legal action after his name was used to promote a cryptocurrency scam. Authorities in Hong Kong have 'swooped' on a pet shop, seizing a number of hamsters to be euthanised following a Covid outbreak. Ghislaine Maxwell has requested a retrial, weeks after she was extremely convicted on sexual abuse charges (presumably because she doesn't particularly fancy spending the next sixty five years banged up in The Slammer). People owed an estimated two million smackers by English Defence League founder Stephen Yaxley-Lennon - who has prior convictions for violence, financial and immigration frauds, drug possession, and public order offences - have appointed an independent insolvency expert to try to recover their money. Desert Island Discs celebrates eighty years on the radio. And, a Dairylea cheese advert has been banned for showing girl eating upside down. Which isn't a good thing, apparently. Who knew?
There's also the sad news of the death of Hardy Krüger. And Meat Loaf. Trains (or, more accurately, those who run and operate them) have, reportedly, been 'told to get rid of torrent of Tannoy spam' (and not before time, either). The Gardaí have launched an investigation after two men carried a dead body into an Irish post office in an apparent attempt to claim his pension. And, the rather bizarre story of the chief executive of the UK's largest cat protection charity stepping down after a blazing public row over the welfare of eighteen cats being kept in his colleague's three-bedroom house.
Kiribati has gone into its first lockdown after over thirty passengers on the first international flight in ten months tested positive for Covid (hopefully From The North's lone occasional dear blog reader from the paradise Pacific island is unaffected by this). A search is reportedly underway for a number of monkeys missing after a freeway crash in Pennsylvania. Glasgow has been transformed into a dark, wintry Gotham City as filming takes place for the upcoming Batgirl movie. Extremely former president Mister Rump's legal troubles haven't simply gone away. The government has - to the satisfaction of millions - suffered a series of embarrassing defeats in The House Of Lords over its plans to clamp down on noisy protesters (and, anyone else they don't like). And, a Conservative backbencher who has accused Downing Street of trying to 'blackmail' MPs seeking to oust Bashing Boris Johnson is to meet The Fuzz to discuss his allegations. Because, seemingly, they're far too cowardly and arse-licking to investigate claims of criminality by those in power unless poked with a stick. Hard.
And, then there's sports. It's been a bit of a miserable time for this blogger of late, dear blog reader, what with his beloved, now thankfully sellable but, seemingly, relegation-bound Magpies playing like a bunch of soft-Southern planks (Saturday's wholly unexpectedly victory at Elland Road notwithstanding) and the England cricket team's embarrassingly wretched 'surrender before the toss' in The Ashes out in Australia. However, it wasn't all bad news - just mostly. Following on from their thrilling on-the-road victories at The Rams and The Cowboys in recent weeks, this blogger's beloved San Francisco Forty Niners continues their impressive end-of-season run with a last-gasp thirteen-ten win in a snowbound Green Bay over the Packers, via Robbie Gould's field goal. Them Niners, who only gained a wild-card place in the play-offs with a victory on the final day of the regular season, will now play in the NFC Championship game for the second time in three years, at either The Rams (whom they've already beaten twice this season) or the Tampa Bay Buccaneers next Sunday.
Finally, Keith Telly Topping continues to hope that all dear blog readers are keeping themselves safe and healthy during these dark and troubling times. It's been a bad few weeks for this blogger, frankly, not helped by the weather which has been pure-dead cruel. However, spring will come, dear blog reader. Probably.
