Did you know that Jodie Whittaker survived a run-in with The Daleks five years ago, dear blog reader? No, she didn't film a secret Doctor Who cameo which no one knew about. Nor did she take a summer holiday on Skaro neither. On the contrary, Jodie actually met The Daleks at the BAFTA TV Awards. In a video taken at the event, a Dalek trundles into frame to, quite literally, photobomb Jodie and her Broadchurch co-star Andrew Buchan's interview with Jenni Falconer on the red carpet. The scene-stealing evil mutant bastards.
The Lord Thy God Steven Moffat (OBE) has revealed who will be directing Jodie Whittaker's first scene as the new Doctor. In his Doctor Who Magazine column, The Moff reflected on the filming of Peter Capaldi's final outing as The Doctor, this year's Christmas special Twice Upon A Time and confirmed that Rachel Talalay will be directing the entire episode including the final scene, Jodie's debut in the role. '[Rachel's] come back to see number twelve off into the shades but I very much hope she'll be directing more Doctor Whos in the future. She keeps hinting that she won't, though,' The Moff explained, going on to recall a conversation with Talalay. 'You're already directing the new one - you're doing the regeneration.'
Details of an abandoned Doctor Who script from the David Tennant era have surfaced this week. Titled The Suicide Exhibition, the story would have seen the Tenth Doctor taking on the Nazis during World War Two, the DoctorWho.TV website reports. The site quotes yer actual Mark Gatiss as telling Doctor Who Magazine that the script was planned for the 2008 series and was 'on the verge of production for a while. The title came from this thing I was reading about how, in the First World War, they were evacuating stuff from museums to various Welsh museums,' he explained. 'All this precious stuff, they hid in places like salt mines. But what they had in both World Wars was this amazing thing called The Suicide Exhibition. People still needed stuff to see, for spiritual succour. So if they had three hundred thousand Anglo Saxon pots, they just put some of them out that they could afford to lose! If a bomb fell, it wouldn't matter, because they had loads of them.' Gatiss added: 'After the first draft, Russell [Davies] said, "Let's make it the Nazis and do the full Indiana Jones on it." The whole museum was a puzzle box of sliding doors and traps and stuff.' Sounds as though it had some potential. But, then they decided not to make it and did Planet of The Ood instead.
TV Comedy Moment Of The Week came during the return of From The North favourite Only Connect on Friday and the divine Victoria Coren Mitchell's deliciously bitchy comment: 'There are certain jobs where it feels like you just can't retire. Hosting Only Connect, for example. God knows, I've tried. It's actually not that they wouldn't let me, they said "it's fine, Katie Derham will do the job." So, I glued myself to the chair!'
Victoria also confirmed on Twitter this week that the series will remain in its - not as popular as Mondays - Friday 8.30pm slot until Christmas and then move back to Mondays in the New Year (presumably accompanied by a new series of University Challenge).
Things we learned from TV this week, number one: Australian spin-legend Shane Warne, commentating on the third England Versus South Africa test on Sky Sports Cricket, revealing his life-long love of The Wacky Races (and, particularly, of Muttley). Shaun Pollock claimed never to have heard of it. Well, they didn't get TV in South Africa until about five years ago, did they?
Speaking of popular cartoon series of the 1970s, check out, dear blog reader, Greg Healey's fascinating - if, frankly, a bit over-earnest - deconstruction of Hong Kong Phooey, here. 'As providers of content for the Saturday morning television schedule Hanna Barbera were purveyors of the dominant "white perspective" and, regardless of its endearing qualities, Hong Kong Phooey is a potent manifestation of this agenda that, taken in the round, formed part of an increasingly ruthless establishment fightback.' Okay. This blogger thought it was panariffic, personally!
Meanwhile, still on the subject of excellent bloggerisationisms, From The North regular dear blog reader Mark's superb So It Goes blog - hugely recommended - has this excellent think-piece featuring an unlikely combination of England's women's football team's current success and The Goddamn Modfather his very self Mister Paul Weller. Tasty.
Here's the final and consolidated ratings for the Top Twenty One programmes broadcast in the week-ending Sunday 23 July 2017:-
1 Coronation Street - Wed ITV - 7.72m
2 EastEnders - Fri BBC1 - 6.74m
3 Poldark - Sun BBC1 - 6.44m
4 Countryfile - Sun BBC1 - 6.43m
5 Emmerdale - Wed ITV - 6.34m
6 Wild Alaska Live - Sun BBC1 - 6.00m
7 In The Dark - Tues BBC1 - 5.64m
8 Casualty - Sat BBC1 - 5.48m
9 BBC News - Sun BBC1 - 4.80m
10 Who Do You Think You Are? - Thurs BBC1 - 4.72m
11 Fearless - Mon ITV - 4.66m
12 Six O'Clock News - Wed BBC1 - 4.46m
13 Holby City - Tues BBC1 - 4.16m
14 Peter Kay's (Lack Of) Comedy Shuffle - Fri BBC1 - 4.07m
15 Ten O'Clock News - Tues BBC1 - 4.00m
16 Watchdog - Wed BBC1 - 3.83m
17 Pointless Z-List Celebrities - Sat BBC1 - 3.56m
18 DIY SOS: The Big Build - Mon BBC1 - 3.50m
19 Joanna Lumley's India - Wed ITV - 3.46m
20 Love Your Garden - Wed ITV - 3.41m1
21 The Sheriffs Are Coming - Thurs BBC1 - 3.30m
These consolidated figures, published weekly by the British Audience Research Bureau, include all viewers who watched programmes live and on various forms of catch-up TV and video-on-demand during the seven days after initial broadcast. They do not, however, include those who watched on BBC's iPlayer or ITV Player via their computers. Don't ask this blogger why, dear blog reader, they just don't all right?
The first episode of Nadiya's British Food Adventure was the most-watched programme of the week on BBC2 with a total audience of 2.62 million punters. Inside The Factory (2.45 million) and the latest episode of The Sweet Makers (2.24 million) followed. Gardeners' World was watched by 2.21 million, the return of University Challenge by 2.12 million, the latest episode of Ripper Street by 1.68 million, Thursday's RHS Tatton Flower Show coverage by 1.37 million, Dad's Army by 1.33 million, Addicted Parents: Last Chance To Keep My Children by 1.22 million, the opening episode of the patchy-but-in-places-quite-funny The Mash Report by 1.12 million and a Qi repeat by one million viewers. Channel Four's highest-rated broadcast was for The Handmaid's Tale (1.96 million) ahead of coverage of Women's Euro 2017: England Versus Spain (1.54 million) and the latest The Last Leg With Adam Hills (1.44 million). England's easy victory over Scotland at the Women's Euros had 1.43 million, Naked Attraction, 1.19 million, The Windsors, eight hundred and forty two thousand, World Para Athletics: London 2017 coverage, seven hundred and fifty four thousand and Kirstie & Phil's Love It Or List It, seven hundred twenty nine thousand. The Murder Of Sarah Payne: A Mother's Story was Channel Five's top performer with an audience of 1.88 million. The Hotel Inspector drew 1.50 million and The Dog Rescuers With Alan Davies, 1.40 million viewers. The most-watched episode of Big Brother during the week was Wednesday's which had an audience of 1.20 million. Paul O'Grady's depressingly awful revival of Blind Date attracted but 1.25 million. Named & Shamed: Greatest Z-List Celeb Scandals was watched by 1.18 million punters. And, trust this blogger, it was every single bit as disturbingly crass and frightful as its woeful, smart-alec title would suggest. 
Sky Sports Main Event's coverage of The Open was seen by two hundred and ninety thousand punters in addition to the one hundred and fifty one thousand who watched the simultcast on Sky Sports Golf. Sky Sports Premier League didn't have any Premier League football to show this week - it being the summer, and all that - so its most watched programme was Live PL Asia Trophy coverage with forty nine thousand. Sky Sports Football was, also, confined to repeats and friendlies as they wait, anxiously, along with everyone else for the start of the new season in August. SPFL Greatest Games was seen by twenty five thousand and Live MSL: New York City Versus Chicago, by eighteen thousand. On Sky Sports Cricket, coverage of Live ICC Women's World Cup Final and England ladies' nail-biting, but thoroughly deserved, victory over India had three hundred and fifty two thousand viewers, plus one hundred and eight thousand watching on Sky Mix - by a distance, the largest ever audience in the UK for a women's cricket match. Friday's Live T20 Blast was watched by two hundred and one thousand. There was no Grand Prix this week so Sky Sports F1's most-watched broadcast was for the Porsche Supercup Series (twenty one thousand). Monday's Transfer Centre was top of the shop on Sky Sports News HQ, with one hundred and twenty four thousand punters. Sky 1's weekly top-ten was headed by Zoo (five hundred and three thousand viewers). The third episode of Ross Kemp: Extreme World drew three hundred and eighty thousand. The movie Con Air followed (three hundred and twenty four thousand). The Simpsons was seen by two hundred and eighty three thousand. A repeat of that hateful exercise in smugness and celebrity-by-non-entity, A League Of Their Own drew two hundred and fifty thousand viewers, every single one of whom needs their bloody heads examining for any signs of brain activity if they find this toxic, full-of-its-own-importance vomit even remotely amusing. 
Sky Atlantic's list was, of course, topped by the second episode of Game Of Thrones' seventh series with a remarkable 2.79 million viewers. A Monday night repeat of the previous week's episode of Game Of Thrones attracted 1.18 million. Thronecast was watched by six hundred and five thousand. The sixth episode of the much-trailed drama Riviera had two hundred and thirty two thousand whilst Twin Peaks: The Return was seen by one hundred and sixty six thousand punters. On Sky Living, Chicago Fire drew five hundred and eighty five thousand whilst Madam Secretary had five hundred and forty three thousand. Nashville attracted three hundred and eighty eight thousand and How To Get Away With Murder, two hundred and seventy four thousand. Sky Arts' Dolly Parton: Song By Song was watched by forty two thousand viewers as was an episode of Tales Of The Totally Expected. Joan Baez: Live In New York had forty one thousand. Endeavour was ITV3's top-rated drama (nine hundred and fifty three thousand viewers). Lewis was seen by eight hundred and twenty six thousand, the - really rubbish - movie Mamma Mia! by eight hundred and twenty three thousand, Kate: The Making Of A Modern Queen, by eight hundred and four thousand and Foyle's War by six hundred and fifty two thousand. Wednesday's Tour De France Highlights headed ITV4's weekly list with nine hundred and forty one thousand punters whilst live coverage of Chris Froome's victory up the Champs-Élysées on Sunday had seven hundred and forty two thousand. ITV2's list of shame was topped by Love Island - a truly depressing 2.99 million, the largest multichannels audience of the week beating even Game of Thrones and one of a horrifying six episodes of the hateful 'z-list celebrity scumfest' to attract an audience of more than two-and-a-half million viewers on ITV2. Broken Britain in one ghastly statistic, dear blog reader. An old episode of the equally worthless puddle of rancid phlegm, Z-List Celebrity Juice was seen by six hundred and seventy seven thousand. Words, dear blog reader, fail this blogger. Vera headed ITV Encore's top ten with one hundred and six thousand viewers, followed by The Americans (one hundred and five thousand) and DCI Banks (eighty five thousand). The Real Housewives Of New York was watched by three hundred and eight thousand of the sort of people who enjoy such risible exercises in z-list-celebrity-by-non-entity on ITVBe. BBC4's list was headed by First Night Of The Proms (1.05 million punters). Vikings: Foe Or Friend? A Timewatch Guide had eight hundred and forty one thousand and Timeshift: Shipwrecks - Britian's Sunken History, seven hundred and fifty three thousand. The latest two episodes of the imported Spanish thriller I Know What You Did were seen by six hundred and forty nine thousand and five hundred and eighty two thousand respectively. Sisters In Country had four hundred and ninety eight thousand, Secret Knowledge: Bolsover Castle With Lucy Worsley, four hundred and seventy seven thousand, Reginald D Hunter's Songs Of The South, four hundred and sixty four thousand, Pedalling Dreams: The Raleigh Story, four hundred and sixty three thousand and Operation Crossbow by four hundred and fifty four thousand. 
5USA's latest Chicago PD episode was viewed by six hundred and sixty four thousand viewers, Bull by five hundred and thirty six thousand, NCIS: Los Angeles by four hundred and twenty eight thousand and NCIS: New Orleans by three hundred and eighty eight thousand. NCIS topped the most-watched programme list of CBS Action (one hundred and nine thousand). Family Guy was the most-watched show on FOX's list with two hundred and twenty five thousand. Shots Fired drew one hundred and thirty five thousand, American Dad!, ninety nine thousand and an NCIS series fourteen repeat, ninety three thousand. Ransom was seen by three hundred and forty nine thousand viewers on The Universal Channel, followed by different NCIS episode (one hundred and twenty thousand) and the movies Coming To America (one hundred and fourteen thousand) and Beverly Hills Cop II (one hundred and ten thousand). On Dave, Not Going Out was watched by four hundred and twenty four thousand and the film Demolition Man, by three hundred and seventy three thousand. Have I Got A Bit More News For You attracted two hundred and eighty six thousand. Drama's Miss Fisher's Murder Mysteries was seen by five hundred and ninety six thousand viewers. Death In Paradise was watched by four hundred and eighty eight thousand, The Doctor Blake Mysteries by three hundred and fifty four thousand and Maisie Raine by three hundred and forty four thousand. 
Alibi's highest-rated programme of the week was Rosewood (two hundred and sixty seven thousand) whilst The Coroner had one hundred and forty eight thousand, Death In Paradise, one hundred and twenty seven thousand and Quantico, also one hundred and twenty seven thousand. Inspector George Gently was watched by one hundred and two thousand. The Sony Channel's top ten was headed by Saving Hope (forty three thousand). [spooks] drew twenty eight thousand. Yesterday's Royal Murder Mysteries had two hundred and fifty five thousand, whilst Forbidden History attracted two hundred and forty four thousand and Secrets of Britain, two hundred and nine thousand. On the Discovery Channel, Deadliest Catch was seen by one hundred and eighty thousand viewers. Yukon Men had one hundred and fifty eight thousand, Tanked, one hundred and fifty five thousand, Gold Divers, one hundred and forty nine thousand and Devil's Canyon, one hundred and thirty six thousand. Naked & Afraid attracted one hundred and twenty seven thousand. From The North favourite Wheeler Dealers appeared in the weekly top tens of both Discovery Shed (twenty eight thousand) and Discovery Turbo (twenty five thousand). Discovery History's Bloody Tales From History headed the top ten list with twenty four thousand. Scandals of Ancient Egypt attracted eighteen thousand, whilst Hitler's Henchmen and Time Team both had sixteen thousand. On Discovery Science, How Do They Do It? was seen by fifty six thousand viewers. 
On Quest, Salvage Hunters was watched by two hundred and seventy thousand. Pick's The Force: Essex and Real Crime: A Serial Killer On Camera had audiences of two hundred and twenty nine thousand and two hundred and twenty one thousand respectively. National Geographic's list was headed by the latest episode of Nazi Megastructures with fifty two thousand viewers, followed by Nazi Temple Of Doom (fifty one thousand) and Nazi Attack On America (forty six thousand). It was Nazi Week on National Geographic, incidentally, just in case you were concerned that the Daily Scum Mail had taken over the channel whilst you weren't looking. National Geographic Wild's Africa's Deadliest was watched by fifty four thousand. The History Channel's most-viewed programmes were the fourth episode of Robert Redford's The West (two hundred and six thousand) and Forged In Fire (one hundred and forty five thousand). Warriors on the Military History channel was seen by forty three thousand punters. Cowboy Outlaws pulled in thirty two thousand. Most Shocking & Stunning Murderings, Killing Spree, From The North guilty pleasure Homicide Hunter and A Town & Country Murderisation were Crime & Investigation's top-rated programmes with eighty one thousand, seventy three thousand, forty thousand and forty thousand blood-and-snots-lovers, respectively. Whether it was the same forty thousand punters watching Homicide Hunter and A Town & Country Murderisation we simply don't know. It's unlike, but not impossible given the subject matter. Britain's Darkest Taboos drew thirty eight thousand. Hear No Evil, The Perfect Murderisation, Murderisation Calls and I Am Homicide headed Investigation Discovery's list (eighty three thousand, seventy nine thousand, seventy three thousand and sixty six thousand respectively). The latest of GOLD's Mrs Brown's Boys repeat had two hundred and eighty one thousand. Comedy Central's largest audience of the week was for Friends with one hundred and sixty thousand. Your TV's broadcast of Princess Diana: Her Life, Her Death attracted one hundred and twelve thousand whilst the channel's repeat of Bones series one continued with ninety four thousand. On More4, Outlander was the highest-rated programme with six hundred and seventy three thousand viewers. The Yorkshire Dales & The Lakes had five hundred and twenty seven thousand and Dunkirk: The new Evidence, four hundred and sixty five thousand. E4's list was topped by Hollyoaks (1.02 million viewers). 
Dark Matter, headed Syfy's top-ten with two hundred and sixty nine thousand. The movie Constantine attracted one hundred and seventy eight thousand including, let it be noted, this blogger. Albeit, Keith Telly Topping only watched the first twenty minutes just to see if it was as bad as he remembered from the time, in 2005, when he went to the cinema and paid good money to watch that travesty. It was, so this blogger went to bed. The Horror Channel's top ten was headed by an episode of Star Trek: Voyager (one hundred and thirty three thousand). Which, certainly qualifies as 'horrible' if not, necessarily, 'horror' per se. The channel's top-ten also included An American Werewolf In Paris (one hundred and seven thousand), Urban Legend (ninety eight thousand) and the Hammer classic Dracula, Prince of Darkness (ninety seven thousand). Saturday Night Sunday Morning, Scales of Justice and Burnt Evidence topped Talking Pictures list, with forty seven thousand, forty one thousand and forty thousand respectively. On Forces TV, Hogan's Heroes was seen by twenty nine thousand. Enter The Dragon drew two hundred and forty seven thousand on Spike whilst The A-Team was watched by two hundred and eighteen thousand. And, the person in acquisitions at Spike who bought that just loves it when a plan comes together. The Mekong River With Sue Perkins was watched by sixty seven thousand on Eden. My Cat From Hell was the Animal Planet's most-watched programme with thirty five thousand. Criminal Minds: Beyond Borders on W attracted two hundred and ninety six thousand punters. True Crime's Law & Order: Criminal Intent was seen by fifty eight thousand viewers and Women On Death Row by fifty six thousand. On True Entertainment, Taggart was watched by one hundred and ninety one thousand murrrrrdaaah lovers. M*A*S*H had one hundred and twenty two thousand and The Avengers, one hundred and three thousand. Rick Stein's Mediterranean Escapes drew seventy five thousand on Good Food. TLC's list was headed by the, frankly, nasty Say Yes To The Dress and the equally horrible Curvy Brides Boutique (two hundred and eighty two thousand and one hundred and ninety two thousand). Shameful waste-of-oxygen Ex On The Beach on MTV was viewed by four hundred and sixty eight thousand. Ghost Adventures was seen by two hundred and seventy one thousand on Really. Nurses Who Kill had two hundred and five thousand. 
Be Cool, Scooby-Doo! had seventy thousand viewers on Boomerang. Zoinks. Lost Nuke topped PBS America's weekly list with twenty six thousand viewers. Grunge Versus Nu-Metal Versus Hard Rock! drew nine thousand on Scuzz. On Cbeebies, Sarah & Duck was seen by five hundred and forty nine thousand, Charlie & Lola by five hundred and fourteen thousand and Do You Know? by four hundred and eighty six thousand. What's The Big Idea? was watched by four hundred and sixty six thousand. Miraculous: Tales Of Ladybug & Cat Noir had one hundred and fifty seven thousand on the Pop Channel. World Poker Tour topped Front Runner's weekly list with eleven thousand viewers. Five Star's most watched show was Wentworth Prison with five hundred and thirty six thousand. On AMC, Better Call Saul was seen by fifteen thousand. Storage Wars drew one hundred and thirty thousand punters on Blaze. Botched attracted sixty seven thousand viewers on E! The Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills had one hundred and forty eight thousand on Lifetime. Danny Dyer's Deadliest Men and The Super Rich & US, were the most-watched shows on London Live with thirty nine thousand and thirty seven thousand respectively. Sabrina, The Teenage Witch attracted thirty seven thousand on The Vault.
The BBC has backtracked on its decision to cancel Radio 4's long-running arts programme Saturday Review. In April it was announced a weekly round-up episode of daily arts show Front Row would replace the programme, prompting consternation - amongst Gruniad Morning Star readers if not anyone that actually, you know, matters - and a petition. Radio 4 controller Gwyneth Williams has since confirmed that Saturday Review will be retained, for the time being. 'After a great deal of consideration I will be keeping the show on air at this time,' she said. 'Bearing in mind the challenging financial climate I am glad that, for now, I'm able to have both Front Row and Saturday Review as part of Radio 4's ambitious and wide-ranging arts content.' Tom Sutcliffe, who presents the show, tweeted that he was 'delighted' and 'very grateful' for the rethink. Especially as it will mean he doesn't have to line up at the Job Centre on Monday.
Mahershala Ali has reportedly signed on to star in a potential third series of True Detective. HBO programming president Casey Bloys is yet to officially make a final decision on a commission or attach a director to the project, despite claiming to have been 'impressed' with writer Nic Pizzolatto's scripts. 'I have read five scripts for a third season,' Bloys told reporters at the TCA press tour this week. 'I'm very, very impressed and excited about what I've read. I don't want to give away the storyline, but I really think they're terrific.' However, Oscar-winning actor Mahershala Ali has already signed up should True Detective get an official commission – as evidenced by a photo of the show's logo on his Instagram account. It was last summer at the TCAs when Bloys denied that True Detective was 'dead,' despite something of a lack of interest in the show's - flawed, if not entirely unrewarding - second series. 'We are hoping for a third season,' the executive said last August. 'It's a very valuable franchise for us. [But] I'm not sure we have the right take for a third season yet.' Earlier in 2017, series one's star, Matthew McConaughey, made it clear that he is willing to return to the franchise. 'If that thing was written well and it came up again, I wouldn't hesitate for a second,' he explained. 'I'm open to it for sure.' Fans will be hoping any new series can compete with the first - which centred on a ritualistic killing, investigated by McConaughey and Woody Harrelson. The second series in 2015, starring Colin Farrell, Vince Vaughn and Rachel McAdams, got far more mixed reviews (which is a polite way of saying some people thought it was crap and weren't shy about saying so. Although others - this blogger included - believed it was a brave attempt to do something different that didn't, perhaps, come off as well as it might have) and there had been fears that the drama would not return. Bloys says that the production has 'learned the lessons from their mistakes' and more time was being spent on the script, to make sure series three will be a success.
NCIS' Agent Gibbs is about to have his service disrupted, as a new 'force' is set to join the team in the form of ER and Prime Suspect actress Maria Bello. According to TVLine, Maria will be joining the fifteenth series of NCIS as an as-yet-unnamed regular character, who will act as a 'foil' to Gibbs (Mark Harmon). Sounds intriguing. Maria's character has been billed as 'a positive force, mischievous and at times acerbic.' The official description reads: 'After joining NCIS, she built her reputation as the agency's premier forensic psychologist. Unlike the other agents, she can second guess and challenge Gibbs, so there will be friction but also mutual respect.' The character will first appear in the fourth episode of the series.
If you have an Amazon Prime subscription and you're gearing up for your holidays, dear blog reader, you're probably already considering which shows to watch on your mobile devices whilst on the plane. Helpfully, Amazon has this week released a list of its most downloaded TV shows of 2017 so far, which you can peruse to find out if there's anything which has escaped your notice so far. The list - provided in honour of Download Day, when UK customers were expected to download the most content from Prime Video to enjoy offline and not something that Mayor Quimby declares today to be in an episode of The Simpsons - features some of Amazon's biggest shows to date, including its hit original series The Man in The High Castle, Jezza, Hamster and Cap'n Slow's The Grand Tour and, a particular favourite of all of us here at From The North, American Gods. Sneaky Pete is also named as one of the most downloaded shows, with Black Sails and Vikings providing Prime subscribers with their sword-swinging, historical drama fix and Lucifer and The Walking Dead still proving as popular as ever. Rounding out the list of the ten most downloaded shows are US comedy Parks & Recreation, as well as children's hit Peppa Pig.
Winter sports reality TV show The Jump will be 'taking a rest' in 2018, Channel Four has said. The broadcaster claimed that the programme had been 'a hugely successful brand,' but would not be shown at the same time as the Winter Olympics in South Korea. The show sees various z-list celebrities take on challenges like speed-skating and ski-jumping and has run for four series. But thirty four of the contestants to have taken part so far, including actress Tina Hobley and Strictly Come Dancing professional Ola Jordan, have been injured whilst taking part in some spectacularly dangerous stunts. Some of them quite badly. Jordan suffered a leg injury while Hobley broke her arm in two places and hasn't shut up whinging about it ever since. Despite, presumably, not having considered the dangers involved when she read the original pay cheque. There have also been injuries to former gymnast Beth Tweddle who broke two vertebrae in neck and had to have part of her hip removed, former Olympic swimmer Rebecca Adlington who dislocated shoulder and Made in Chelsea-type person, Mark-Francis Vandell who fractured his ankle. Linford Christie pulled a hamstring, Sarah Harding injured some ligaments and Heather Mills suffered knee and thumb injuries. Although nobody was too bothered about that since no one particularly likes her anyway. Another Made In Chelsea-type individual, Spencer Matthews (no, me neither), was the latest winner of the show, which has been presented by Davina McCall. A spokeswoman for Channel Four said: 'The Jump has been a hugely successful brand for Channel Four over the last four years.' And, hugely successful at providing inmates for the trauma department of Innsbruk General Hospital, too. 'However, with such a huge amount of winter sport on screen at the start of 2018 we have decided to rest the show for the year.'
Channel Four will finally reveal exactly what happened to those involved in its 'social experiment reality show', the ambitious-but-really-rubbish Eden. Last August, Eden was pulled from the schedules after only four episodes had been broadcast, despite the fact that twenty three men and women had agreed to be stranded in the Scottish Highlands for a year to 'start a society from scratch.' Since then, there have been various sneering media reports about the goings-on up there, mostly based on quotes attributed to snitching locals, which this blog covered in great - and, very amused - detail back in March. The five-part Eden: Paradise Lost will run for five consecutive nights from 7 August at 10pm on Channel Four and will pick up from where viewers left the contestants in 2016. 'By the summer, hunger pervades the group as a result of the group's decision to ration the basic provisions they were supplied at the outset coupled with a failure to catch the plentiful fish surrounding Eden waters,' reads the Channel Four synopsis for the first episode. That sounds quite funny, it might even be worth watching - which the four episodes broadcast last year certainly were not. It adds that 'divisions in the camp' were 'starting to show' as two of them continued to build a 'winter camp' away from the communal living area. 'Then, the decision of one of the group and its aftermath causes widespread fury and rebellion and threatens to bring the entire Eden experience to a premature end,' the synopsis concludes. Channel Four did initially explain that despite the show being pulled, viewers would be seeing the contestants again. Eventually. 'The appeal of Eden is that it was a real experiment and when filming began we had no idea what the results would be and how those taking part would react to being isolated for months in a remote part of the British Isles,' the statement read. 'That's why we did it and the story of their time, including the highs and the lows, will be shown later this year.'
Z-List Celebrity Big Brother has, according to the Daily Mirra, been dealt its 'second major blow in as many days,' after one of its z-list celebrity housemates pulled out of the line-up - just days before the summer series is due to start. The 'bombshell,' the Mirra continues, concerns John Leslie, the former Blue Peter and This Morning presenter, who was reportedly scheduled to go into the Z-List Celebrity Big Brother house on 1 August, but has, apparently 'quit the show despite a rumoured six-figure pay cheque.' And, this utter trivial shite constitutes 'news', apparently. This, dear blog reader, is what happens when a newspaper stops hacking phones to acquire its stories.
Jennifer Aniston is set to return to TV screens for her first series since Friends ended in 2004. She is set to appear alongside Reese Witherspoon in a new HBO drama about a breakfast TV shows, according to The Hollywood Reporter. Aniston - who used to be quite good in Friends but whose film career in the decade since has been patchy at best - has made the occasional guest appearance in shows like Thirty Rock and Cougar Town. This currently-untitled comedy is said to be 'at the very early stages of development' and hasn't started filming yet, or even been bought by a network. It is being led by former HBO head of drama Michael Ellenberg and his newly launched film and TV production company Media Res. Aniston and Witherspoon will be credited as executive producers though, it's not clear how much involvement that will actually involve, since in US TV the term 'executive producer' is often given out as a sort of honorary title without it actually meaning they have to do anything. The pair have, of course, been seen on the small screen together before, when Reese played Rachel's self-centred younger sister in several episodes of Friends. Aniston has concentrated on her movie career in recent years - starring in films like We're The Millers, Cake, Horrible Bosses and Marley & Me. This series is far from the first fictionalised account of what goes on behind the scenes in TV studios. Recent movies to tackle the subject include Morning Glory, starring Harrison Ford and Diane Keaton, while Aaron Sorkin's The Newsroom depicted a nightly cable news programme. More recently, Vanessa Williams has been seen playing the creator and executive producer of the lunchtime talk show in VH1's Daytime Divas.
Neil Morrissey has 'slammed' Waterloo Road and said that he 'hated' working on the BBC school drama for two series. He even went so far to claim that he was 'angry on set every day.' 'Slammed', incidentally, is tabloide-speak for 'criticised' only with less syllables and so is more understandable for readers of the Daily Lies. 'I did two years up there [in Manchester], two spates of six months when I was doing that programme Waterloo Road,' Mozza noted. 'I hated that show, I hated it so much. Even my missus says to me, "You've got to get out of this show because it's making you into a nasty person." I was angry on set every day, because the scripts, the delivery of the scripts and the quality of the scripts was so awful. And, I was tied into it so it was like being forced into, sort of, it was like forced labour.' One imagines, of course, that many people who are currently working forty hours a week in a miserable job for the national minimum wage and just about managing to keep their heads above the water will take huge offence at an actor - and, one imagines, given Neil's previous CV, a pretty well-paid one at that - describing his lifestyle as, in any way, resembling 'forced labour.' You could have always given it up and gone and worked a call centre, Neil. That might have made you a bit less angry. Just sayin'. 'You still as a responsible actor, want to go and give your one hundred percent, but at the same time I was compromised by the fact that it was awful scripts and an awful situation,' Morrissey whinged to Two Shots. But, the actor said that, on the contrary, he would return to Men Behaving Badly like a shot 'if it was a good script.' Neil played Tony Smart in the popular British sitcom for six years and suggested that he would be tempted back if there was 'a good idea' behind any potential revival. He said: 'If they came up with a good script and a good idea perhaps, because we're old blokes now and we couldn't be making the same mistakes.' However, Neil doesn't think a revival of the series would ever be the same as it used to be. He explained: 'It can't ever be what it was - we're talking nearly twenty years ago.' His co-star, Martin Clunes, is believed to share the same views. Morrissey noted: 'Martin is in pretty much the same boat as me.' Except, Clunes's career has been a bit more successful, post-Men Behaving Badly, obviously. Clunes said it was 'really great' to reunite with his Morrissey for a sketch in aid of Channel Four's Stand Up To Cancer in 2014. 'It was really funny sitting on a sofa with a can of Stella next to Neil. It was like no time had passed at all.'
Former England footballer Jermaine Jenas received an early shower as he made his debut on Channel Four's UEFA Women's Euro coverage. Ahead of Thursday night's match between England and Portugal, Jenas was just starting to talk about how 'momentum is key' when the pitchside sprinkler decided to give him a damned good soaking live on air. Which was funny. 'It almost looked like it was directed right at you,' sneered host Clare Balding. It should be noted that, when the water hit, Jenas moved far faster than he ever did when he was playing in the midfield of this blogger's beloved (though unsellable) Magpies.
Breaking Bad's Bryan Cranston 'accidentally' swore on live TV this week. Ironically, appearing after a segment on Good Morning Britain about whether people should swear in front of their children, the sixty one year-old actor dropped a casual 'shite' whilst on the show. As Horrible Kate Garraway asked if he is constantly mobbed by fans, he said: 'Some people come up to me and say, "I've seen your work and you've done loads and loads of shite, but now you've done Breaking Bad and other things." Those people you just have to dismiss.'
The Conservatives have reportedly abandoned one of their key election pledges, after axing plans to provide free school breakfasts for all primary school pupils in England. In their general erection manifesto, the Prime Minister had pledged to replace free school meals for state pupils with a free breakfast provided for 'every child in every year of primary school.' The manifesto also claimed: 'We do not believe that giving school lunches to all children free of charge for the first three years of primary schools – regardless of the income of their parents – is a sensible use of public money.' But the SchoolsWeek website claims that that the pledge was 'quietly abandoned' in the House of Lords earlier this month, with official confirmation coming in the form of an answer to a written parliamentary question this week. Robert Goodwill, the Children's Minister, said on 24 July: 'As announced by the Parliamentary Under Secretary of State for the School System on 4 July we will not be pursuing universal breakfasts for primary school children and we will be retaining the existing provision for universal infant free school meals. We will, however, invest in a breakfast club programme as announced in the Childhood Obesity Plan in August 2016. This committed ten million pounds a year of the Soft Drinks Industry Levy to expand breakfast club provision in up to sixteen hundred schools. Further details of the programme will be announced in due course.' Criticising the U-Turn, Shadow Education Secretary Angela Rayner claimed it was 'further evidence' of a 'weak and wobbly' government. She told the Independent: 'This is yet another humiliating u-turn on education policy from Theresa May's weak and wobbly Government. Breakfast doesn't mean breakfast, and they have made a mess of it. To think that they spent the election campaign telling us that universal free school meals were "unaffordable" and promising to provide free breakfasts instead – at a paltry seven pence a serving. Just weeks later they have abandoned that pledge as they beat a full scale retreat from their own manifesto. How can anyone believe a word they now say?'
The US Pacific Fleet commander said on Thursday that he would launch a nuclear strike against China if President Donald Trump ordered it. So, in others words, a serving military officer has said that he would obey an direct order from his commander-in-chief even if he, personally, disagreed with it. Quite how this revelation constitutes 'news', this blogger is unsure. But then, we live in strange times, dear blog reader. Admiral Scott Swift was responding to an hypothetical question at an Australian National University security conference after a major joint US-Australian military exercise off the Australian coast. The drills were monitored by a Chinese intelligence-gathering ship off North East Australia. Asked by an academic in the audience whether he would make a nuclear attack on China next week if Trump ordered him to do so, Swift replied: 'The answer would be yes. Every member of the US military has sworn an oath to defend the constitution of the United States against all enemies foreign and domestic and to obey the officers and the President of the United States as commander-in-chief appointed over us,' Swift said. He added: 'This is core to the American democracy and any time you have a military that is moving away from a focus and an allegiance to civilian control, then we really have a significant problem.' Pacific Fleet spokesman Captain Charlie Brown later said that Swift's answer 'reaffirmed the principle' of civilian control over the military. 'The admiral was not addressing the premise of the question, he was addressing the principle of civilian authority of the military,' Brown said. 'The premise of the question was ridiculous.' The biennial Talisman Saber exercise involved thirty six warships including the aircraft carrier USS Ronald Reagan, two hundred and twenty aircraft and thirty three thousand military personnel. In an effect to demonstrate that the US military are, you know, hard. It was - of course - monitored by a Chinese People's Liberation Army-Navy Dongdiao-class auxiliary general intelligence vessel from within Australia's two hundred mile-mile exclusive economic zone. Swift said that China had, similarly, sent an intelligence ship into the US exclusive economic zone around Hawaii during the Pacific Fleet-hosted multinational naval exercise in 2014. China had a legal right to enter the American economic zone 'for military purposes' under the United Nations Convention on the Law of the Sea which defines the rights and responsibilities of nations sailing the world's oceans, he added. Governments needed to engage with Beijing to understand why the Chinese did not accept that the United States had the same access rights within China's exclusive economic zone, Swift said. 'The dichotomy in my mind is why is there a different rules-set applied with respect to taking advantage of UNCLOS in other EEZs, but there's this perspective that there's a different rules-set that applies within another nation's EEZ?'
Madonna (she's a popular beat combo, your honour) and her adopted twin daughters have accepted undisclosed - although, one imagines, pretty sizeable - damages from Associated Newspapers over 'a serious invasion of privacy.' The singer adopted four-year-old twins Stella and Estere in February. At the time, she asked the media to 'respect our privacy during this transitional time.' Most of the media sort of did so (albeit, with remarkably bad grace), but the Scum Mail Online once again demonstrated their complete lack of a moral compass and a seemingly belief that 'The Rules' apply to everyone but them. Madonna brought the case at London's High Court over a Scum Mail Online article which, she claimed, caused her 'considerable personal distress,' her solicitor said. The article - which appeared in January, before Madonna had formally adopted the twins - revealed the girls' names, race and age. It also disclosed the fact they lived in an orphanage in Malawi and were the subject of pending applications for adoption by the singer. 'The Mail Online published it at a time when, as the journalist ought to have appreciated, Madonna would be powerless to protect the girls from harm,' solicitor Jenny Afia told Mrs Justice Nicola Davies on Thursday. Their actions could, in her view, have 'threatened the integrity and/or outcome' of the adoption process which would have had 'potentially life-changing implications' for the girls, as well as for Madonna and her family. 'Many people in Malawi know of Madonna as an individual of fame and financial means,' she went on. 'In the circumstances, Madonna believes that it would (and should) have been self-evident to the reporter that the protection of the girls' identities pending the decision about their potential adoption was likely to be vital for their safety and welfare.' After the hearing, Afia said: 'Madonna brought this litigation because the newspaper threatened her girls' safety by naming them before they were adopted. She will always take all possible steps to protect her family's well-being.' Afia added that Madonna would donate the damages to The Mercy James Institute for Paediatric Surgery. The children's hospital in Malawi which opened earlier this month and which is named after one of the singer's other adopted daughters. 'She is pleased that at least some good can come out of the situation,' Afia said.
Ike Barinholtz is reported to be 'recovering' after breaking his neck last month during a stunt gone wrong on the set of his upcoming movie The Pact. People magazine - which is a bit like Hello, only without the intellectual weight - reports that the actor fractured two cervical vertebrae in his neck while performing a fall from a high platform. 'We knew something was wrong right away,' he said. 'It was scary and was touch and go for a while. Luckily, I've had great doctors who have really helped me with my recovery. I do as they tell me.' Barinholtz must wear a neck brace while he continues filming the final season of The Mindy Project, during which he even directed one episode. The brace has been incorporated into the show. 'After the accident, I talked to Mindy [Kaling] and we agreed that the only option was writing it into the show,' he said. 'Luckily, on The Mindy Project I play a character who could break his neck falling out of his bunk bed and it's completely believable. Sometimes it takes getting hurt to realise how lucky you are to have great people in your life,' he added. 'My family has been taking amazing care of me, and Mindy and all the folks at the show have been so kind. Also, many friends have sent lots of food which is great - but I can't exercise, so in a way, it's exceptionally cruel.'
Defying 'seventy years of fevered speculation,' a sceptical scientist has declared that the alleged 'mystery' of The Bermuda Triangle has been 'solved' - by claiming there was no mystery in the first place. Which, anybody with half-a-sodding-brain in their head kind of knew anyway so, once again, does this really constitute 'news'? Karl Kruszelnicki has suggested that the reason why so many ships and planes vanish without trace in the area between Bermuda, Florida, Puerto Rico is nothing to do with aliens or fire-crystals from the lost city of Atlantis. Instead, the Australian scientist suggested that the high number of disappearances could be explained by nothing more supernatural than human error plus bad weather and the fact that lots of planes and ships enter that particular area of the Atlantic Ocean in the first place. Kruszelnicki told news.com.au that not only does The Bermuda Triangle cover a large, seven hundred thousand square-kilometre patch of ocean, it is also a particularly busy part of the sea. 'It is close to the Equator, near a wealthy part of the world – America - therefore you have a lot of traffic,' he noted. So when one compare the number of disappearances to the large quantity of ships and planes passing through The Bermuda Triangle, you find there is 'nothing out of the ordinary' about the area. 'According to Lloyd's of London and the US Coastguard,' he said, 'the number that go missing in The Bermuda Triangle is the same as anywhere in the world on a percentage basis.' Kruszelnicki also said that there were 'simple explanations' for the incident which did most to start the entire Bermuda Triangle speculation: the loss of Flight Nineteen. This was a flight of five US Navy Avenger torpedo bombers which set off from Fort Lauderdale on 5 December 1945 for a routine two-hour training mission over the Atlantic. After losing radio contact with their base, all five planes subsequently vanished. No trace of them or their fourteen crew members has ever been found. Later, a PBM-Mariner seaplane dispatched that night on a search-and-rescue mission to find Flight Nineteen also disappeared, along with its thirteen crew. In the absence of either knowledge or fact-checking, speculation about Flight Nineteen became a growth industry, especially after 1964, when the writer Vincent Gaddis advanced his theories in an article entitled The Deadly Bermuda Triangle. 'Whatever this menace that lurks within a triangle of tragedy so close to home,' he wrote, 'It was responsible for the most incredible mystery in the history of aviation - the lost patrol. This relatively limited area is the scene of disappearances that total far beyond the laws of chance. Its history of mystery dates back to the never-explained, enigmatic light observed by Columbus when he first approached his landfall in the Bahamas.' As well as pointing out that Lloyd's would disagree hugely with Gaddis' statistical analysis, Kruszelnicki also offered simple explanations for the loss of Flight Nineteen. Firstly, he said, despite Gaddis suggestion that the patrol vanished in 'ideal' flight conditions, 'it wasn't fine weather, there were fifteen metre waves.' Kruszelnicki added that the only truly experienced pilot in the flight was its leader, Lieutenant Charles Taylor, and his human error may well have played a part in the tragedy. '[He] arrived with a hangover, flew off without a watch and had a history of getting lost and ditching his plane twice before,' claimed Kruszelnicki. Radio transcripts from before the patrol vanished, he added, made it 'clear' that Flight Nineteen had become unsure of its position. The transcripts show Taylor thought his compass had malfunctioned and that he was above the Florida Keys when, in fact, later analysis by ground staff would suggest he was to the South East, near an island in the Bahamas. Kruszelnicki said that Taylor 'overruled' a junior pilot who suggested they should turn West and insisted the patrol fly East, unwittingly taking them further out into the Atlantic, above deep water where it would be harder to find sunken planes or bodies. 'If you read the radio transcripts,' said Kruszelnicki, 'some of the junior pilots are saying, "Why don't we fly to the West?" and the pilot says, "Why don't we fly to the East?"' Even more damningly for The Bermuda Triangle 'mystery,' said Kruszelnicki, was the fate of the search-and-rescue seaplane which, according to Gaddis and others, also 'vanished.' It did not 'vanish without a trace,' said Kruszelnicki. '[It] was seen to blow up.' There were several witnesses to the explosion, an oil slick and debris were found and after the disaster, the US Navy grounded all other PBM-Mariner seaplanes. The aircraft had already gained the ominous nickname 'the flying gas tank.' Kruszelnicki, however, did not provide an answer for the one, undeniable, enduring Bermuda Triangle mystery. How that ruddy awful song by Barry Manilow ever came to be released in the first place.
Practically everyone has seen the iconic images of the Easter Island heads. What you may not have known is that those stone carvings actually have hidden and buried bodies. Archaeologists have uncovered the bodies associated with the heads and found fascinating discoveries which further our knowledge of the Easter Island civilisation and how they created the monoliths in the first place. The Easter Island heads are known as Moai by the Rapa Nui people, who carved the figures in the tropical South Pacific directly West of Chile. The Moai monoliths, carved from stone found on the island, are between e;even and fifteen hundred CE. Erosion took its toll on the statues and buried them in sediment and rocks, hiding and preserving the torsos of the Easter Island heads. However, a team of archaeologists at UCLA developed the Easter Island Statue Project to better study and preserve the artefacts. Through this work, the team excavated several of the heads to reveal the underlying torso and body. In total, the team documented and studied almost one thousand statues on the Pacific Island. The project spanned nine years; whereby the team determined a theory for the meaning, function and history of each individual statue. After approvals, the archaeologists excavated two of the Easter Island heads to reveal their torso and truncated waist. The heads had been covered by successive mass transport deposits on the island that buried the statues' lower half. These events enveloped the statues and gradually buried them to their heads as the islands naturally weathered and eroded through the centuries. Easter Island is situated within the Nazca Plate and is a volcanic hot-spot, similar to the Hawaiian Island chain. This hot-spot produced the Sala y Gomez ridge, which spans East of Easter Island as the Pacific Ocean opened through the East Pacific Rise. Easter Island was formed by successive Pliocene and Holocene volcanic flows consisting of basalt and andesite. In addition, volcanic tuffs were deposited in the volcanic crater, which is the primary stone used for carving the Moai statues. Most of the statues are located along the Rano Raraku volcanic cone, which acted as the quarry that supplied the Rapa Nui with the monolithic stones that were used for carving. While excavating the statues, the team found etched petroglyphs on the backs of the figures, commonly crescent-shaped to represent Polynesian canoes. The canoe motif is likely to be the symbol of the carver's family, providing clues as to different familial or group structures on the island. In order to carve and place the statues upright, the Rapa Uni used large tree trunks which were placed into deep holes adjacent to the statues. They then used rope and tree trunks to lift the statue upright. The Rapa Nui carved the heads and front side of the statues while they were lying on the ground, then completed the backs after uprighting the statues. The tallest of thee statues comes in at thirty three feet high and is known as Paro. Abundant red pigment was found at the human burial sites of several individuals, suggesting that the statues were initially painted red, likely during ceremonies. These burials often surround the statues, suggesting that the Rapa Nui buried their dead with the family's own statue.
Women should be told now when the tampon tax will be abolished, an MP has said, as the UK's largest supermarket announced a price cut for the products. Tesco said its five per cent reduction on the cost of women's sanitary products would 'cover the VAT levied on these items.' Labour MP Paula Sherriff, who has led the campaign for VAT to be cut to zero, said that she hoped other retailers would follow suit. The minimum VAT rate is set at EU level. The European Commission is aiming to bring in a zero rate for sanitary products in 2018. Tesco is the first retailer to announce that it will cut its own prices before the headline tax rate has changed. Michelle McEttrick, Tesco's brand director, said: 'For many of our customers, tampons, panty liners and sanitary towels are essential products.' Which, if you look up stupid statements on Google you'll find that one close to the top. One could suggest, Michelle, that for all of your female customers, such items are 'essential products.' 'However, the cost of buying them every month can add up and for many women and girls it can be a real struggle on top of other essential items,' she added. Other major supermarkets and pharmacies have agreed in writing to reduce the cost of sanitary products when the VAT charge is reduced, following fears of a repeat of the situation in France where prices failed to fall following a VAT cut. Sherriff said that other retailers could follow Tesco's lead. 'It would have been completely unacceptable if abolishing the tampon tax had just led to big businesses boosting their bottom line at the expense of women buying what are essential goods, which is why we pushed the supermarkets to sign up to a deal to pass the cut on,' she said. 'But, this goes a step even further, by reducing prices right now - and I hope the other big retailers now consider doing the same. With retailers coming on board, the UK government and European leaders should set a clear timetable for the tampon tax to be abolished.' At present, the government spends the proceeds from the tax on sanitary products on women's charities after hundreds of thousands of people signed a petition calling for the products to be exempted from tax altogether. The government said that the latest twelve million knicker of funding announced in March benefitted seventy charities. However, MPs and campaign groups criticised the two hundred and fifty thousand quid grant awarded to the anti-abortion group Life - one of the largest amounts from the government fund. Life claimed that the money supported a project for homeless pregnant women in London. One or two people even believed them.
Mick Jagger (he's also a popular beat combo) has 'surprised' with two sharply political new songs according to USA Today. Surprised whom, or what, they didn't say. Admittedly, Mick The Jag hasn't often dipped his toe into the waters of the protest song, but this is the chap who wrote the agit-prop classic 'Street Fighting Man' after all. 'Gotta Get A Grip' and 'England Lost', released on Thursday, are 'urgent responses' to the 'confusion and frustration with the times we live in,' said Mick in a statement. The songs are about 'the anxiety and unknowability of the changing political situation.' On 'England Lost', which features a collaboration with the rapper Skepta, The Rolling Stones frontman used a football team's losing game as an analogy for a country at a political crossroads. 'It's about a feeling that we are in a difficult moment in our history,' Jagger wrote. 'It's obviously got a fair amount of humour because I don't like anything too on the nose, but it's also got a sense of vulnerability of where we are as a country.' 'Gotta Get A Grip', meanwhile, is about how 'despite all those things that are happening, you gotta get on with your own life, be yourself and attempt to create your own destiny,' he added. Jagger started writing the songs in April and said that they are not attached to any specific CD. 'I didn’t want to wait until next year when these two tracks might lose any impact and mean nothing,' he said. The rock and/or roll icon was 'particularly inspired' by hip-hopper Kendrick Lamar, who is 'also talking about discontent and he really nailed it.' As for the current political climate, 'we obviously have a lot of problems,' Jagger said. 'So am I politically optimistic? No.'
A £14.8m visitor centre at Hadrian's Wall in Northumberland has opened to the public. The Sill: National Landscape Discovery Centre, which includes a cafe, youth hostel and exhibition and events space has been constructed at Once Brewed, near Hexham. Northumberland National Park Authority said it hoped that it would attract at least one hundred thousand visitors annually. It described the centre as 'a sustainable cultural and economic asset.' As well as being a visitor centre, it will function as a research site for countryside management and conservation. The authority's chairman, Glen Sanderson, said: 'Our vision is for the nation's exceptional landscapes to be enjoyed by as many people as possible, and to provide the opportunity for people to explore, understand and nurture these landscapes and the people, heritage and wildlife that shape them. That is why Northumberland is the natural home for The Sill.'
And now ...
A driver lost control of his new two hundred grand Ferrari and careered off a motorway before it burst into flames after owning it for just an hour. The high-performance Ferrari Four-Thirty Scuderia was reduced to a twisted wreck after the smash on the M1 near junction thirty seven in South Yorkshire on Thursday afternoon. Police described how the car 'went airborne' in the wet conditions. The driver walked away with just cuts and bruises. The car, however, did not. It went fifty metres down a bank and ended up in a field, where it turned into a blazing fireball of death and had to be extinguished by firefighters. In a statement on Facebook, South Yorkshire Police said: 'Officers asked the driver what sort of car he had to which he replied "it was a Ferrari." Detecting a sense of damaged pride he then said "I've only just got it, picked it up an hour ago."' Un-lucky, mate. The police urged drivers to take care on the roads. 'Over the past couple of weeks there has been a number of collisions where driving styles have not reflected the road and weather conditions. Please take more care.'
Police have confirmed that they are investigating a physics teacher who, allegedly, had sex with a teenage pupil in the lavatories on the plane when returning from a school trip. Avon and Somerset police confirmed that Eleanor Wilson attended a police station this week after a disciplinary panel heard how the teacher from South Gloucestershire 'engaged in the act' as pupils returned home from a trip to Geneva. A spokesperson said: 'A twenty eight-year-old woman has voluntarily attended at a police station and enquiries are ongoing.' Wilson, it is claimed, 'had unprotected sex and oral intercourse' with the boy, who had drunk five small bottles of wine, as they returned from a trip to the CERN complex in 2015, home of the Large Hadron Collider. Or, the 'Large Hardon Colluder' as Brian Cox's corrective text christened it. Which may, or may not, be relevant in this instance. After returning to the - unnamed - school, the pair reportedly 'continued their relationship for seven months' until the pupil revealed their secret liaison when Wilson allegedly refused to have any more sex with him. He, promptly, snitched her up right good an proper like a Copper's Nark. 'The panel heard evidence from Pupil A that during a school trip, he and Miss Wilson became close,' a statement said. 'During the flight home from the trip, Pupil A gave evidence that he and Miss Wilson were flirting at the back of the plane, whilst looking after another pupil who was unwell. Pupil A gave evidence that Miss Wilson was intoxicated and that he had himself drunk approximately five miniature bottles of wine on the flight. Pupil A gave evidence that he and Miss Wilson entered the toilet, kissed and had oral sex and intercourse without using protection.' At the end of the two day panel, it was ruled that Wilson, who had worked at the school since 2013, had been a very naughty teacher indeed and would receive a damned good sacking and an indefinite teaching ban. In a statement, a school spokesperson said: 'We unreservedly condemn Ms Wilson's actions. Her conduct represents a shocking abuse of her position of trust as a teacher. On discovering what had taken place, she was immediately suspended and we conducted a thorough investigation that resulted in her subsequent dismissal. We then referred the case to the National College, who have prohibited her from teaching permanently. We welcome this decision. None of the incidents described took place on school property. Sadly, no organisation can ever be entirely immune from the actions of a lone member of staff with dubious intentions and we remain vigilant. The modern world presents risks and dangers to our young people that we are not complacent about.'
Perhaps Miss Wilson should be taking tips from a professional in such matters. The Independent report that an American teacher who was very convicted of having sex with a person under the legal age of consent in California is suing the student that she slept with for defamation. Tara Stumph, who is currently serving a one hundred and eighty day jail sentence for having sex with a sixteen-year-old student, claims that statements made by the young man 'hurt her reputation' and her career. Though, one could argue that, in relation to the latter, the jail sentence probably didn't help. Her victim 'defamed' her 'to various classmates, family and other members of the community,' Stumph alleges in her lawsuit. Stumph a former employee of the Lucia Mar School District, pleaded 'no contest' to the charges in April and started her sentence on 1 May. Her teaching licence was extremely revoked following her conviction, though she won't have to register as a sex offender after leaving prison.
A former substitute teacher in Oklahoma who reportedly exposed her shameful nakedness to students when she did a cartwheel while wearing a long skirt but no knickers has pleaded guilty to a reduced charge. Lacey Sponsler pleaded extremely guilty on Monday to a charge of 'assault' after the initial charge was reduced from the far more serious indecent exposure. She was given a two year suspended sentence and cannot teach for the same length of time. She will not, however, have to register as a sex offender. Defence attorney Nathan Milner told KTUL TV that Sponsler believes the incident was 'blown out of proportion' and is glad that the case is now over.
Police report that two - extraordinarily stupid - chaps have been very arrested after they tried to buy drugs from an officer at a Connecticut police station. Hartford Police say that an officer had just finished his shift and was walking to his vehicle on Sunday when two men approached and asked if he would sell them cocaine. The men said that they needed to find an ATM to get cash for the drugs, so the officer directed them to a machine which was inside the lobby of the police department building. Police said that whilst the men went inside to get sixty bucks for drugs, the officer called for backup and the men were very arrested. The sixty dollars was 'taken as evidence.'
A man suspected of killing his wife whilst on a cruise ship in Alaska did so because 'she would not stop laughing' at him, a witness has claimed. Kenneth Manzanares has been very charged with the murder of his thirty nine-year-old wife, whose body was found with severe head wounds in their cabin. He was detained after security agents found blood on his hands and clothes, court documents said. The victim has been identified by US media as Kristy Manzanares, from Utah. A witness who entered the couple's cabin before the security agents said that he saw the suspect dragging the victim's body to the balcony, the documents added. The witness grabbed the woman's ankles and pulled her back inside the cabin. When he asked Manzanares what had happened, the man allegedly said: 'She would not stop laughing at me.' Later, during a search by FBI agents, the suspect reportedly said: 'My life is over.' The incident happened on Tuesday night on the Emerald Princess cruise ship, operated by Princess Cruises. It had departed with some three thousand four hundred passengers from Seattle on Sunday for a week-long trip. Kristy Manzanares was described by her employer, Summit Sotheby's International Realty, as being a 'dedicated and loving mother who juggled her business schedule to make her children a top priority.' The FBI is investigating the case because it occurred in US waters. A spokesman said that other family members were onboard the ship on the same trip, but details about their identities have not been released. Manzanares made his first appearance in a federal court in Anchorage via video link from Juneau, where he was being held.
A one-armed man has been accused of drunkenly strolling down a Maine road wearing a black-hooded sweatshirt and a clown mask and brandishing a machete taped to where his arm had been amputated. Maine State Police said that thirty one-year-old Corey Berry, of Hollis, was arrested on Tuesday and charged with 'criminal threatening.' He was released after posting bail. Police say that Berry was first spotted in Hollis but 'fled into the woods.' He was later arrested after re-emerging in nearby Waterboro. Police claim Berry was 'intoxicated but co-operative.' He told officers that he was 'copying previous clown sightings' as 'a prank.'
A very naughty Taiwanese academic who took upskirt videos of at least seventy women using a pinhole camera attached to his shoe was sentenced to eighteen weeks' jail on Friday. Tsai Wei-Feng, who faced seventy one charges of insulting modesty, admitted ten counts committed at Takashimaya Shopping Centre on Orchard Road on 17 December 2016. The remaining charges were considered in sentencing. He was in Singapore on a social visit at the time and was caught when a twenty two-year-old woman - the complainant in the case - noticed him 'behaving oddly.' Deputy Public Prosecutor Jason Chua told the court that the complainant was with three friends in the basement of Takashimaya department store when she 'felt a bump' on the haversack she was carrying. She turned and saw Tsai 'loitering around' her friend, who was wearing a black dress and then placing his left foot at the bottom of the latter's dress. Finding his behaviour 'odd,' the complainant told her friend and they decided to follow Tsai. One of them later confronted Tsai as he was leaving the store. He was detained by the security staff of the store outside its entrance. Police arrested him and seized the pinhole camera from his left shoe containing eight video recordings. DPP Chua said the investigation showed that Tsai had enabled the video recording mode in his pinhole camera and put it on his left shoe with its camera lens facing up in the toilet before committing the offences. He would follow, walk close to and loiter around female victims with the intent to 'insult their modesty' by filming up their skirts without their knowledge. In some cases, he would film victims multiple times. Seeking at least eighteen weeks' in the pokey to be imposed, Chua said that the most striking aggravating factors were the highly pre-meditated offences and Tsai's substantial number of charges. Tsai's lawyer Foo Cheow Ming claimed that his client has lost his job at the National Sun Yat-sen University as a result of his sick and sorry doings. He said that his client came to Singapore to visit his counterpart at National University of Singapore to 'discuss potential projects.' Counsel said Tsai, who was diagnosed with voyeurism in 2015, admits that his 'lack of self-control' led him to 'succumb to temptations.' He claimed that Tsai had been taught 'a very dear lesson' and his 'impetuous moment of folly' had caused him to 'lose almost everything.' Including, for now, his liberty.
And, on a somewhat similar theme, a forty nine-year-old German man was sentenced to thirty days in The Big House on Wednesday after having secretly filmed as many as sixty female Roskilde Festival guests as they urinated, the Danish news agency Ritzau reported. The man filmed the unsuspecting women via a camera hidden inside a beer can. 'The accused was fully aware that the women had not agreed to the recordings in that the recordings where made with a camera that was elaborately built in to a beer can and the films were of high quality,' Judge Tove Horsager said. The man's defence lawyer unsuccessfully argued that the women had, essentially, 'given up their right to privacy' by urinating in public in the first place, saying that 'in some cases' the women relieved themselves 'relatively close to' the defendant and that some of them 'even sat there and smiled' at his client. Though, that might have been from relief cos, you know, when you're bustin' for a Jimmy Riddle it's far better out than in. The German man claimed that he 'did not know' what he was doing was illegal. 'I didn't know that it was wrong because the guy who gave me the can said that it wasn't a problem,' he claimed - somewhat unconvincingly - in court. Prosecutor Anne Oxbøll maintained that the man's 'violation' was 'particularly troublesome' in that he was paid to make the recordings by someone else. 'It is an aggravating circumstance when you record things for payment from another man without knowing if they are going to be distributed online,' she said. Recordings of women urinating at Denmark's Roskilde Festival, one of the largest music festivals in all of Europe, often end up on pornography and fetish websites.
Authorities in Florida say they extremely arrested a man who robbed a bank, stripped naked and ran down the street throwing stolen money in the air - a spectacle which he, somehow, thought would jump-start his career as a comedian. Instead, the FBI say that twenty five-year-old Alexander Sperber has been extremely charged with bank robbery and currently is facing a whole shitload of jail. A federal complaint says that Sperber told authorities he parked his car at the bank, made a gun motion with his hand and demanded money from the teller, who gave him 'about' four thousand seven hundred dollars in a bag. Officials say a red dye-pack exploded, staining Sperber's clothes and a cast on his left wrist. The Sun Sentinel reports that Sperber was taken to a hospital and found to be 'coherent and uninjured.' And, stupid.
In public remarks recorded on video, a local official in the Indian state of Bihar reportedly suggested that villagers who don't have enough money to install toilets at their homes could 'sell their wives' for some extra cash. The Indian Express reports that Kanwal Tanuj, a district magistrate in Bihar, made the remarks during an event promoting a nationwide cleanliness campaign known as Swachh Bharat Abhiyan, or Clean India Movement. Initially appealing to the audience to comply with the campaign's sanitation standards to 'protect the dignity' of women, the official's later comments reportedly 'struck a confusing chord' with his audience. 'Save the dignity of your women if you can. How poor are you?' the Express quoted Tanuj telling the audience. When a man said that he didn't have enough money to install a toilet at his home, Tanuj reportedly replied: 'If that is the case then go and sell your wife. If this is the mentality you have then go and sell your wife,' he continued. A video of the exchange was posted on Twitter by the ANI news agency. The official has yet to publicly clarify the meaning of his remarks. Bihar's government pledged earlier this year to eradicate open defecation from the state by 2019, according the Express. The state government's effort includes a twelve thousand-rupee subsidy to help qualifying families build toilets at home.
A woman was being questioned after a man was injured in an alleged home invasion attack in Newcastle. Police say that two men burst into the property, on Flodden Street - not all that far from Stately Telly Topping Manor as it happens - late on Wednesday night. The Evening Chronicle reports that a thirty nine-year-old man, who lived at the home, was assaulted before the raiders fled with a mobile phone. The victim was taken to hospital, but his injuries are not said to be life-threatening. Officers have arrested and questioned a thirty eight-year-old woman 'in connection with the incident.' A Northumbria Police spokesman said: 'Enquiries into the attack itself are ongoing ... There have been suggestions that a woman was abducted as part of the incident but police do not believe that to be the case.'
Meanwhile, yer actual his very self drew yet another visit from a - very nice - CID officer on Sunday to give a witness statement concerning the apparent arson attack at the gaff over the road from Stately Telly Topping Manor last Saturday which was mentioned in the last bloggerisationisms update. So, that was quite an experience, officially 'helping the police with their enquiries.' A man has, reportedly, been arrested and charged with arson and attempted murder over the incident. The householder remains in a critical condition in hospital with what are described as 'life-threatening' injuries.
Police say that a Massachusetts motorist has been arrested after getting out of her sport utility vehicle, removing her shirt and charging, topless, toward another motorist whilst brandishing a knife. Which, one imagines, was quite sight which wouldn't be forgotten in a hurry by anyone who witnessed it. The Cape Cod Times reports that the other motorist turned out to be an off-duty police officer who called the Sandwich Police Department to report the woman's actions and ask for back-up. Police said on Facebook that they received a call on Saturday of an SUV 'driving erratically.' They claim that the driver attempted to crash into the caller's vehicle before pulling up behind it at a red light. Police then say that the woman got out of the SUV, removed her shirt and ran toward the other vehicle's driver while holding a dagger-like knife and waving her breasts about in an untoward manner. They added that the thirty nine-year-old woman is facing 'several' charges, including assault with a dangerous weapon. Or two, in fact.
When police officers knocked on the door of a Rockhampton residence to execute a search warrant, they were met by a man holding a bong according to the Morning Bulletin. Dillon Colin Marshall answered the door and then, immediately, slammed it shut in the officer's faces and was heard to yell, 'Fuck, it's the cops!' This was the evidence of police prosecution in the Rockhampton Magistrates Court in relation to the events leading to Marshall pleading very, very guilty to possession of cannabis. Prosecutor Julie Marsden said that police arrived about 6.40pm and, during the search, located one hundred and ten grams of cannabis in four sealed bags hidden in the television cabinet in the lounge room. Marshall's lawyer, Axel Beard, said that his client did not have an income, but had been offered employment when he 'gets clean'. 'It's a large amount and supports the concern that you have a heavy ongoing issue with drug use,' Magistrate Catherine Benson said when ordering Marshall serve a nine-month probation order.
An Australian woman who was punched in the mush by a man during an apparent road-rage incident which was captured on dash-cam and 'went viral' has, herself, been arrested and charged with multiple offences. Bianca Sams, attended Wyong Police Station where she was charged with malicious damage, 'being armed with intent to commit an indictable offence' and 'intentionally throwing an object at a moving vehicle.' She was also charged for 'having part of her body outside the car window' (though, which part, they didn't say) and for not wearing a seatbelt. Sams told A Current Affair that the man was allegedly driving dangerously. The forty one-year-old man involved in the same incident was charged earlier. He has not yet been publicly identified. Sams and the man were travelling along the Pacific Highway when their cars collided while stopped at an intersection. The incident was caught on dash-cam by another vehicle also stopped at the lights. The footage showed the pair both got out of their cars before the man charged towards Sams and punched her, hard, in the face. Truck driver Dwayne Pillidge captured the incident on video. 'It was kind of like a Dukes Of Hazard scene,' Pillidge wrote when he posted the video to Dash-Cam Owners Australia. 'I don't care what your reason, it is not okay to hit a woman.'
Three Michigan women on a tubing trip became stranded overnight because they thought the river they were in ran in a circle and would deposit them back at the place they started according to media reports.
It's not especially rare to hear stories of a police officer abusing his power. But it is pretty unusual to see a story in which the incompetent officer in question actually recorded himself doing it. Oooo, elementary schoolboy type error when planting evidence, that. But, that is what seems to have happen in Baltimore recently, when a police officer appeared to accidentally record himself planting drugs at a crime scene. In the video, reported by FOX Baltimore, officer Richard Pinheiro put a bag of pills under some trash in an alley. He then walks to the street and switches on his camera, walks back to the alley and acts as though he has just found the drugs for the first time. His crucial mistake was that that Pinheiro didn't realise body cameras often save the last thirty seconds of footage before they are manually activated. 'I'm going to check here,' Pinheiro says as the camera is activated. Finally, he comes to the spot where he previously put the pills, picks them up and says, 'Yo!' The other officers appear to play along with his fake discovery. The defendant connected to the drugs was set to go trial earlier this week. But, according to BuzzFeed, prosecutors dropped the charges after the defendant's public defender discovered the extremely incriminating video. The Baltimore Police Department said that it is currently investigating the three officers in the video. One officer is suspended and the other two are on 'administrative duty' with no public contact. In a press conference on Wednesday, Baltimore Police Commissioner Kevin Davis provided 'additional context' for what happened. Davis cautioned that he had 'not reached any conclusions.'
A Florida man learned a lesson the hard way on Sunday: if someone steals some cocaine from your car, you should probably let it go and, certainly, not call The Law and report the theft. According to the Okaloosa County Sheriff's Office, David Blackmon instead called nine-one-one. When a deputy arrived, Blackmon identified himself as 'a drug dealer,' and said that a quarter of an ounce of cocaine and fifty dollars in cash were taken from the centre console of his vehicle. Diligently investigating the situation, the officer found more cocaine in the console, as well as what appeared to be a crack rock. The deputy also found a crack pipe on the floorboard by the driver's seat. None of the money was recovered. While Blackmon didn't get his money or drugs back, he did pick up charges for possession of cocaine, resisting arrest without violence and possession of drug paraphernalia. Is it just this blogger, or has everyone taken The Stupid Pill this week, or what?
A woman who sent abusive texts to herself and claimed that she was being persistently harassed by a man has been jailed for wasting police time reports the Daily Scum Mail. Emily-Jo Banks, twenty three, told police that a man was 'targeting' her throughout August and September in 2015. She claimed that the man followed her home, spied on her while she was in her back garden, sent threatening texts, attacked her and climbed onto her garage. Officers visited her home in Folkestone and acted on her concerns, but she was caught out after a number of suspicious incidents. Police attended the man's address in Dover and found the man had not sent any messages at the times Banks claimed she had received them. They also found the messages stopped while officers were inside her home. In one incident, Banks, who at the time was doing work in the back garden, claimed to have received two texts in quick succession concerning dogs outside the front of her home. Officers questioned how one person could view the front and rear of the property simultaneously. They examined Banks' phone and found that she was logged into the man's social media profiles and was sending herself threatening messages. Her phone was also linked to an e-mail address which she claimed the man had used to send information about herself to the social services and media organisations. She was very arrested and subsequently appeared at Canterbury Crown Court on 7 July where she was sentenced to eighteen months in stir.
A transgender man was arrested after using Craiglist to find a stallion to have a sexual relationship with. According to the Daily Mirra, Donald Waelde placed an advert on Craiglist stating that she was looking for a male horse to 'fool around with for sexually gratification.' Visitors to the site immediately grassed her up good and proper to the local fuzz and, after a few hours of investigation, police were able to locate, Waedle and place her under arrest for 'conspiracy to commit bestiality.'
A Chinese man decided that since he did not have a girlfriend, he no longer needed a penis and decided to chop it off. After doing so, the man was in such agony that he rushed to the hospital for help, but when he got there he discovered that he had left his severed penis back at his house. Doctors said they could not help him and told the man to return home for his penis and bring it back for further assistance. All of which sounds like a completely made-up load of old toot but it has been reported here, if not anywhere more reliable. Make your own minds up, dear blog reader, truth or crap?
A New Jersey security officer has been charged with stealing one hundred thousand dollars from a business on his first day of employment, Fairfield police said. Larry Brooks, of Elizabeth, was working for Garda, a cash vault and armoured car company, when he was captured by company surveillance cameras taking the money, NJ.com reported. Police Chief Anthony Manna said that security officers reportedly found eighty five thousand nine hundred dollars in a parked vehicle in Elizabeth, but added that there was 'no definitive conclusion' of what happened to the remaining cash.
A woman who used a plastic penis to dupe her girlfriend into believing she was, actually, a man has been jailed as the judge told her 'sometimes truth is stranger than fiction.' Gayle Newland cried in the dock as she was sent to jail for tricking the woman into believing she was a man by making her wear a blindfold when they met and by using a prosthetic penis during sex. The twenty seven-year-old created a 'disturbingly complex' online persona to achieve her own 'bizarre sexual satisfaction' and continued the deception over a two year period, the court heard. The Recorder of Manchester, Judge David Stockdale QC, told Newland she had shown 'an extraordinary degree of cunning and a chilling desire' to manipulate and control the lives of others. 'It is difficult to conceive of a deceit so degrading or a deceit so damaging to the victim on its discovery,' he added.
'In her own words, [the victim] said the "nightmares still remain, the distrust remains and the fear still remains."' Newland was jailed following a retrial at Manchester Crown Court after a jury convicted her of committing sexual assault without her victim's consent. Her victim, who cannot be named for legal reasons, said that she feels she is trapped in 'a prison' after what Newland did to her. 'She has created a prison for the joyful persona I once had,' the victim claimed. 'I can only hope I can move on fully and not do the time with her.' Newland even tried to trick three other women into believing her lies and continued to dupe one of them even after her arrest. She created a fictional Facebook profile, pretending to be a half-Filipino half-Latino man called Kye Fortune, using an American man's photographs and videos. Newland had convinced her victim, also in her twenties, to wear a blindfold at all times when they met at the complainant's flat. Newland spent 'hundreds' of hours talking on the telephone to her friend as Kye, telling her 'emotionally vulnerable' victim that 'he' was undergoing treatment for cancer and was paranoid about his physical appearance. The complainant agreed to demands for her to wear a blindfold at all times during up to fifteen sexual encounters and while watching television, going on a car journey and even sunbathing. Newland denied concealing her true identity and claimed that both women were gay and 'struggling with their sexuality' when they met and had sex, with her as Kye, 'during role-play.' The complainant said that she was 'persuaded' by the defendant to wear a blindfold when they met and only found out she was having sex with a woman when she finally took it off. Judge Stockdale QC told Newlands that he had reduced her sentence to acknowledge her mental health issues but said that she had shown 'no remorse. [The complainant] did not consent to these invasive acts of penetration because her willing compliance with your abusive behaviour was obtained by a deceit,' he said. 'This was a deceit of such subtlety and cunning in its planning and was a deceit, from your point of view, so successful in its execution that an outsider unaware of the full history of the case might find it difficult to comprehend. But truth can sometimes be stranger than fiction. The truth, the whole truth, here is as surprising as it is profoundly disturbing.' Newland, of Willaston in Cheshire, had previously been jailed for eight years in November 2015 after she was convicted of the same offences by another jury at Chester Crown Court as reported on this blog at the time. But that conviction was subsequently quashed in the Court of Appeal last December and a retrial was ordered after it was ruled that the original trial judge's summing up of the case was 'not fair and balanced.' Newland was found guilty of three counts of sexual assault and cleared of a fourth count. She was also jailed for defrauding her employer of nine thousand smackers by creating fictional accounts.
An obsessive woman has been jailed following a car chase with police - who were trying to help her boyfriend escape her clutches according to Metro. Kirsty Hargreaves pursued a police car containing Michael Mowforth after he begged them to help him leave her. But, she refused to let him get away and dangerously chased the West Yorkshire Police vehicle in her car. Hargreaves caused oncoming cars to swerve as she crossed white lines and drove alongside the unmarked police car because she wanted to persuade her partner not to leave, Leeds Crown Court heard. She followed Mowforth from Rothwell to Elland Road Police Station before hitting the police car after following it through a security barrier in the early hours of 27 March. A female officer suffered a chest injury when she was pushed into a barrier while trying in vain to stop Hargreaves running into the police station. Hargreaves admitted dangerous driving and assaulting a police officer. She was very jailed for ten months and handed an eighteen-month driving.
A cyclist has been filmed by a member of the public attacking the occupants of a car with the mud guard from his bike during a fight in the middle of the road.
The footage shot in Slough, shows a 'fracas' between three men - one of whom appears to wield a walking stick - and ending with a passer-by intervening. The man who took the footage 'asked to remain anonymous' (well, he would, wouldn't he?) and said that it was 'unclear' why the fight started. Oh, why do they ever, mate, why do they ever? Thames Valley Police, which has been shown the video by the BBC, said the incident was 'not being investigated' as it had 'not been reported.' So, that's obviously a tip for anyone thinking about committing a crime in the Thames Valley region; just make sure nobody reports it and the rozzers will leave you in peace.
A group of people who helped to saved a police officer's life when he impaled himself on a broken car aerial are to receive awards. Doctors later told Constable Lee Jackson that he had been three minutes away from death. He injured himself on 27 November last year whilst investigating a crashed van at West Butsfield, near Tow Law, on the A68. A nearby homeowner and seven police officers who came to his rescue are set to get Royal Humane Society awards. Jackson was climbing over the crashed van to check if anyone was inside when his arm became impaled on the vehicle's broken aerial. He said: 'It had gone in at the top of my forearm and down to the bottom of my wrist. My first thoughts were initially to stay there and call for the fire service and ambulance but my arm started to bleed and it shot out over my head and the top of the van. I recognised that as an arterial bleed and I knew that changed the timeframe involved.' Jackson said that he estimated he had fifteen minutes to live as he removed himself from the aerial, radioed his colleagues in Consett and went to the nearby farmhouse of Freda Scott. 'She offered me a tea towel and invited me inside but I said no because I thought it's not nice to have a stranger die in your house,' he added. PCs Alan Freeman, Philip Nixon and Carl Symes and Sergeant Philip Carter went to his aid, with Freeman plugging the wound with his thumb and Nixon using a belt as his tourniquet. Acting Chief Inspector David Stewart, who was based at Consett Police Station, requested an armed response unit to attend knowing that they would have the necessary equipment to deal with such a wound. PCs Mark Cudden and David Morgan, who were at Spennymoor, were mobilised and prepared a tourniquet, bandages and oxygen en route. They then took the injured officer to the University Hospital of North Durham. Jackson said: 'The consultant later told me I was just one minute away from losing my arm and three minutes from death. All of the decisions which were made by everyone who came to my aid slowed down the bleeding and meant that I recovered fully and I am alive today.'
An estranged wife of a former violin maker in Nagoya, Aichi Prefecture, was arrested Tuesday on suspicion of destroying fifty four violins and seventy bows collectively worth around one hundred and five million yen which belonged to him, Japanese media reports. Midori Kawamiya, a thirty four-year-old music instrument seller in Tokyo, has admitted to breaking into his home in Nagoya but denied that she damaged the equipment, according to police. The sixty two-year-old Norwegian man used to make and sell violins in Nagoya. The damaged violins were made or collected by him and included an Italian one worth about fifty million yen. The couple, who separated last year, were in the middle of - what sounds like a really bitter - divorce when the alleged incident allegedly took place. Kawamiya allegedly entered her ex-husband's workshop by breaking in through a window sometime between 30 January and 19 February in 2014 and destroyed the violins and bows. He had been on a business trip during the period. Kawamiya, who was living in China was arrested upon her return to Japan.
A Minnesota man faces felony charges after he allegedly put a vinyl sticker of a topless woman on his motorcycle without her consent. Timothy Brandt, of Minnesota Lake was charged this week in Faribault County District Court with non-consensual dissemination of private sexual images. A woman called police 10 July reporting that Brandt had posted a photo on Facebook showing a motorcycle decal made from a photo of her wearing only her pants. The caption said 'Beautiful day to show off the old lady, lol.' The woman told police that she had, previously, consented to the photo being taken but not to it being shared with the Interweb. Brandt also faces two sets of restraining-order violation charges for reportedly twice driving near the woman in public places. One of the charges was upgraded to a felony because he, allegedly, had a replica gun and a folding knife with him at the time. In April, Brandt was charged with kidnapping and domestic assault after he allegedly didn't allow the woman to leave his home.
1 Coronation Street - Wed ITV - 7.72m
2 EastEnders - Fri BBC1 - 6.74m
3 Poldark - Sun BBC1 - 6.44m
4 Countryfile - Sun BBC1 - 6.43m
5 Emmerdale - Wed ITV - 6.34m
6 Wild Alaska Live - Sun BBC1 - 6.00m
7 In The Dark - Tues BBC1 - 5.64m
8 Casualty - Sat BBC1 - 5.48m
9 BBC News - Sun BBC1 - 4.80m
10 Who Do You Think You Are? - Thurs BBC1 - 4.72m
11 Fearless - Mon ITV - 4.66m
12 Six O'Clock News - Wed BBC1 - 4.46m
13 Holby City - Tues BBC1 - 4.16m
14 Peter Kay's (Lack Of) Comedy Shuffle - Fri BBC1 - 4.07m
15 Ten O'Clock News - Tues BBC1 - 4.00m
16 Watchdog - Wed BBC1 - 3.83m
17 Pointless Z-List Celebrities - Sat BBC1 - 3.56m
18 DIY SOS: The Big Build - Mon BBC1 - 3.50m
19 Joanna Lumley's India - Wed ITV - 3.46m
20 Love Your Garden - Wed ITV - 3.41m1
21 The Sheriffs Are Coming - Thurs BBC1 - 3.30m
These consolidated figures, published weekly by the British Audience Research Bureau, include all viewers who watched programmes live and on various forms of catch-up TV and video-on-demand during the seven days after initial broadcast. They do not, however, include those who watched on BBC's iPlayer or ITV Player via their computers. Don't ask this blogger why, dear blog reader, they just don't all right?
The first episode of Nadiya's British Food Adventure was the most-watched programme of the week on BBC2 with a total audience of 2.62 million punters. Inside The Factory (2.45 million) and the latest episode of The Sweet Makers (2.24 million) followed. Gardeners' World was watched by 2.21 million, the return of University Challenge by 2.12 million, the latest episode of Ripper Street by 1.68 million, Thursday's RHS Tatton Flower Show coverage by 1.37 million, Dad's Army by 1.33 million, Addicted Parents: Last Chance To Keep My Children by 1.22 million, the opening episode of the patchy-but-in-places-quite-funny The Mash Report by 1.12 million and a Qi repeat by one million viewers. Channel Four's highest-rated broadcast was for The Handmaid's Tale (1.96 million) ahead of coverage of Women's Euro 2017: England Versus Spain (1.54 million) and the latest The Last Leg With Adam Hills (1.44 million). England's easy victory over Scotland at the Women's Euros had 1.43 million, Naked Attraction, 1.19 million, The Windsors, eight hundred and forty two thousand, World Para Athletics: London 2017 coverage, seven hundred and fifty four thousand and Kirstie & Phil's Love It Or List It, seven hundred twenty nine thousand. The Murder Of Sarah Payne: A Mother's Story was Channel Five's top performer with an audience of 1.88 million. The Hotel Inspector drew 1.50 million and The Dog Rescuers With Alan Davies, 1.40 million viewers. The most-watched episode of Big Brother during the week was Wednesday's which had an audience of 1.20 million. Paul O'Grady's depressingly awful revival of Blind Date attracted but 1.25 million. Named & Shamed: Greatest Z-List Celeb Scandals was watched by 1.18 million punters. And, trust this blogger, it was every single bit as disturbingly crass and frightful as its woeful, smart-alec title would suggest. Sky Sports Main Event's coverage of The Open was seen by two hundred and ninety thousand punters in addition to the one hundred and fifty one thousand who watched the simultcast on Sky Sports Golf. Sky Sports Premier League didn't have any Premier League football to show this week - it being the summer, and all that - so its most watched programme was Live PL Asia Trophy coverage with forty nine thousand. Sky Sports Football was, also, confined to repeats and friendlies as they wait, anxiously, along with everyone else for the start of the new season in August. SPFL Greatest Games was seen by twenty five thousand and Live MSL: New York City Versus Chicago, by eighteen thousand. On Sky Sports Cricket, coverage of Live ICC Women's World Cup Final and England ladies' nail-biting, but thoroughly deserved, victory over India had three hundred and fifty two thousand viewers, plus one hundred and eight thousand watching on Sky Mix - by a distance, the largest ever audience in the UK for a women's cricket match. Friday's Live T20 Blast was watched by two hundred and one thousand. There was no Grand Prix this week so Sky Sports F1's most-watched broadcast was for the Porsche Supercup Series (twenty one thousand). Monday's Transfer Centre was top of the shop on Sky Sports News HQ, with one hundred and twenty four thousand punters. Sky 1's weekly top-ten was headed by Zoo (five hundred and three thousand viewers). The third episode of Ross Kemp: Extreme World drew three hundred and eighty thousand. The movie Con Air followed (three hundred and twenty four thousand). The Simpsons was seen by two hundred and eighty three thousand. A repeat of that hateful exercise in smugness and celebrity-by-non-entity, A League Of Their Own drew two hundred and fifty thousand viewers, every single one of whom needs their bloody heads examining for any signs of brain activity if they find this toxic, full-of-its-own-importance vomit even remotely amusing. Sky Atlantic's list was, of course, topped by the second episode of Game Of Thrones' seventh series with a remarkable 2.79 million viewers. A Monday night repeat of the previous week's episode of Game Of Thrones attracted 1.18 million. Thronecast was watched by six hundred and five thousand. The sixth episode of the much-trailed drama Riviera had two hundred and thirty two thousand whilst Twin Peaks: The Return was seen by one hundred and sixty six thousand punters. On Sky Living, Chicago Fire drew five hundred and eighty five thousand whilst Madam Secretary had five hundred and forty three thousand. Nashville attracted three hundred and eighty eight thousand and How To Get Away With Murder, two hundred and seventy four thousand. Sky Arts' Dolly Parton: Song By Song was watched by forty two thousand viewers as was an episode of Tales Of The Totally Expected. Joan Baez: Live In New York had forty one thousand. Endeavour was ITV3's top-rated drama (nine hundred and fifty three thousand viewers). Lewis was seen by eight hundred and twenty six thousand, the - really rubbish - movie Mamma Mia! by eight hundred and twenty three thousand, Kate: The Making Of A Modern Queen, by eight hundred and four thousand and Foyle's War by six hundred and fifty two thousand. Wednesday's Tour De France Highlights headed ITV4's weekly list with nine hundred and forty one thousand punters whilst live coverage of Chris Froome's victory up the Champs-Élysées on Sunday had seven hundred and forty two thousand. ITV2's list of shame was topped by Love Island - a truly depressing 2.99 million, the largest multichannels audience of the week beating even Game of Thrones and one of a horrifying six episodes of the hateful 'z-list celebrity scumfest' to attract an audience of more than two-and-a-half million viewers on ITV2. Broken Britain in one ghastly statistic, dear blog reader. An old episode of the equally worthless puddle of rancid phlegm, Z-List Celebrity Juice was seen by six hundred and seventy seven thousand. Words, dear blog reader, fail this blogger. Vera headed ITV Encore's top ten with one hundred and six thousand viewers, followed by The Americans (one hundred and five thousand) and DCI Banks (eighty five thousand). The Real Housewives Of New York was watched by three hundred and eight thousand of the sort of people who enjoy such risible exercises in z-list-celebrity-by-non-entity on ITVBe. BBC4's list was headed by First Night Of The Proms (1.05 million punters). Vikings: Foe Or Friend? A Timewatch Guide had eight hundred and forty one thousand and Timeshift: Shipwrecks - Britian's Sunken History, seven hundred and fifty three thousand. The latest two episodes of the imported Spanish thriller I Know What You Did were seen by six hundred and forty nine thousand and five hundred and eighty two thousand respectively. Sisters In Country had four hundred and ninety eight thousand, Secret Knowledge: Bolsover Castle With Lucy Worsley, four hundred and seventy seven thousand, Reginald D Hunter's Songs Of The South, four hundred and sixty four thousand, Pedalling Dreams: The Raleigh Story, four hundred and sixty three thousand and Operation Crossbow by four hundred and fifty four thousand. 5USA's latest Chicago PD episode was viewed by six hundred and sixty four thousand viewers, Bull by five hundred and thirty six thousand, NCIS: Los Angeles by four hundred and twenty eight thousand and NCIS: New Orleans by three hundred and eighty eight thousand. NCIS topped the most-watched programme list of CBS Action (one hundred and nine thousand). Family Guy was the most-watched show on FOX's list with two hundred and twenty five thousand. Shots Fired drew one hundred and thirty five thousand, American Dad!, ninety nine thousand and an NCIS series fourteen repeat, ninety three thousand. Ransom was seen by three hundred and forty nine thousand viewers on The Universal Channel, followed by different NCIS episode (one hundred and twenty thousand) and the movies Coming To America (one hundred and fourteen thousand) and Beverly Hills Cop II (one hundred and ten thousand). On Dave, Not Going Out was watched by four hundred and twenty four thousand and the film Demolition Man, by three hundred and seventy three thousand. Have I Got A Bit More News For You attracted two hundred and eighty six thousand. Drama's Miss Fisher's Murder Mysteries was seen by five hundred and ninety six thousand viewers. Death In Paradise was watched by four hundred and eighty eight thousand, The Doctor Blake Mysteries by three hundred and fifty four thousand and Maisie Raine by three hundred and forty four thousand. Alibi's highest-rated programme of the week was Rosewood (two hundred and sixty seven thousand) whilst The Coroner had one hundred and forty eight thousand, Death In Paradise, one hundred and twenty seven thousand and Quantico, also one hundred and twenty seven thousand. Inspector George Gently was watched by one hundred and two thousand. The Sony Channel's top ten was headed by Saving Hope (forty three thousand). [spooks] drew twenty eight thousand. Yesterday's Royal Murder Mysteries had two hundred and fifty five thousand, whilst Forbidden History attracted two hundred and forty four thousand and Secrets of Britain, two hundred and nine thousand. On the Discovery Channel, Deadliest Catch was seen by one hundred and eighty thousand viewers. Yukon Men had one hundred and fifty eight thousand, Tanked, one hundred and fifty five thousand, Gold Divers, one hundred and forty nine thousand and Devil's Canyon, one hundred and thirty six thousand. Naked & Afraid attracted one hundred and twenty seven thousand. From The North favourite Wheeler Dealers appeared in the weekly top tens of both Discovery Shed (twenty eight thousand) and Discovery Turbo (twenty five thousand). Discovery History's Bloody Tales From History headed the top ten list with twenty four thousand. Scandals of Ancient Egypt attracted eighteen thousand, whilst Hitler's Henchmen and Time Team both had sixteen thousand. On Discovery Science, How Do They Do It? was seen by fifty six thousand viewers. On Quest, Salvage Hunters was watched by two hundred and seventy thousand. Pick's The Force: Essex and Real Crime: A Serial Killer On Camera had audiences of two hundred and twenty nine thousand and two hundred and twenty one thousand respectively. National Geographic's list was headed by the latest episode of Nazi Megastructures with fifty two thousand viewers, followed by Nazi Temple Of Doom (fifty one thousand) and Nazi Attack On America (forty six thousand). It was Nazi Week on National Geographic, incidentally, just in case you were concerned that the Daily Scum Mail had taken over the channel whilst you weren't looking. National Geographic Wild's Africa's Deadliest was watched by fifty four thousand. The History Channel's most-viewed programmes were the fourth episode of Robert Redford's The West (two hundred and six thousand) and Forged In Fire (one hundred and forty five thousand). Warriors on the Military History channel was seen by forty three thousand punters. Cowboy Outlaws pulled in thirty two thousand. Most Shocking & Stunning Murderings, Killing Spree, From The North guilty pleasure Homicide Hunter and A Town & Country Murderisation were Crime & Investigation's top-rated programmes with eighty one thousand, seventy three thousand, forty thousand and forty thousand blood-and-snots-lovers, respectively. Whether it was the same forty thousand punters watching Homicide Hunter and A Town & Country Murderisation we simply don't know. It's unlike, but not impossible given the subject matter. Britain's Darkest Taboos drew thirty eight thousand. Hear No Evil, The Perfect Murderisation, Murderisation Calls and I Am Homicide headed Investigation Discovery's list (eighty three thousand, seventy nine thousand, seventy three thousand and sixty six thousand respectively). The latest of GOLD's Mrs Brown's Boys repeat had two hundred and eighty one thousand. Comedy Central's largest audience of the week was for Friends with one hundred and sixty thousand. Your TV's broadcast of Princess Diana: Her Life, Her Death attracted one hundred and twelve thousand whilst the channel's repeat of Bones series one continued with ninety four thousand. On More4, Outlander was the highest-rated programme with six hundred and seventy three thousand viewers. The Yorkshire Dales & The Lakes had five hundred and twenty seven thousand and Dunkirk: The new Evidence, four hundred and sixty five thousand. E4's list was topped by Hollyoaks (1.02 million viewers). Dark Matter, headed Syfy's top-ten with two hundred and sixty nine thousand. The movie Constantine attracted one hundred and seventy eight thousand including, let it be noted, this blogger. Albeit, Keith Telly Topping only watched the first twenty minutes just to see if it was as bad as he remembered from the time, in 2005, when he went to the cinema and paid good money to watch that travesty. It was, so this blogger went to bed. The Horror Channel's top ten was headed by an episode of Star Trek: Voyager (one hundred and thirty three thousand). Which, certainly qualifies as 'horrible' if not, necessarily, 'horror' per se. The channel's top-ten also included An American Werewolf In Paris (one hundred and seven thousand), Urban Legend (ninety eight thousand) and the Hammer classic Dracula, Prince of Darkness (ninety seven thousand). Saturday Night Sunday Morning, Scales of Justice and Burnt Evidence topped Talking Pictures list, with forty seven thousand, forty one thousand and forty thousand respectively. On Forces TV, Hogan's Heroes was seen by twenty nine thousand. Enter The Dragon drew two hundred and forty seven thousand on Spike whilst The A-Team was watched by two hundred and eighteen thousand. And, the person in acquisitions at Spike who bought that just loves it when a plan comes together. The Mekong River With Sue Perkins was watched by sixty seven thousand on Eden. My Cat From Hell was the Animal Planet's most-watched programme with thirty five thousand. Criminal Minds: Beyond Borders on W attracted two hundred and ninety six thousand punters. True Crime's Law & Order: Criminal Intent was seen by fifty eight thousand viewers and Women On Death Row by fifty six thousand. On True Entertainment, Taggart was watched by one hundred and ninety one thousand murrrrrdaaah lovers. M*A*S*H had one hundred and twenty two thousand and The Avengers, one hundred and three thousand. Rick Stein's Mediterranean Escapes drew seventy five thousand on Good Food. TLC's list was headed by the, frankly, nasty Say Yes To The Dress and the equally horrible Curvy Brides Boutique (two hundred and eighty two thousand and one hundred and ninety two thousand). Shameful waste-of-oxygen Ex On The Beach on MTV was viewed by four hundred and sixty eight thousand. Ghost Adventures was seen by two hundred and seventy one thousand on Really. Nurses Who Kill had two hundred and five thousand. Be Cool, Scooby-Doo! had seventy thousand viewers on Boomerang. Zoinks. Lost Nuke topped PBS America's weekly list with twenty six thousand viewers. Grunge Versus Nu-Metal Versus Hard Rock! drew nine thousand on Scuzz. On Cbeebies, Sarah & Duck was seen by five hundred and forty nine thousand, Charlie & Lola by five hundred and fourteen thousand and Do You Know? by four hundred and eighty six thousand. What's The Big Idea? was watched by four hundred and sixty six thousand. Miraculous: Tales Of Ladybug & Cat Noir had one hundred and fifty seven thousand on the Pop Channel. World Poker Tour topped Front Runner's weekly list with eleven thousand viewers. Five Star's most watched show was Wentworth Prison with five hundred and thirty six thousand. On AMC, Better Call Saul was seen by fifteen thousand. Storage Wars drew one hundred and thirty thousand punters on Blaze. Botched attracted sixty seven thousand viewers on E! The Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills had one hundred and forty eight thousand on Lifetime. Danny Dyer's Deadliest Men and The Super Rich & US, were the most-watched shows on London Live with thirty nine thousand and thirty seven thousand respectively. Sabrina, The Teenage Witch attracted thirty seven thousand on The Vault.The BBC has backtracked on its decision to cancel Radio 4's long-running arts programme Saturday Review. In April it was announced a weekly round-up episode of daily arts show Front Row would replace the programme, prompting consternation - amongst Gruniad Morning Star readers if not anyone that actually, you know, matters - and a petition. Radio 4 controller Gwyneth Williams has since confirmed that Saturday Review will be retained, for the time being. 'After a great deal of consideration I will be keeping the show on air at this time,' she said. 'Bearing in mind the challenging financial climate I am glad that, for now, I'm able to have both Front Row and Saturday Review as part of Radio 4's ambitious and wide-ranging arts content.' Tom Sutcliffe, who presents the show, tweeted that he was 'delighted' and 'very grateful' for the rethink. Especially as it will mean he doesn't have to line up at the Job Centre on Monday.
