Thursday, August 08, 2013

I'll Tell You In Earnest I'm A Dangerous Man

Rumours of an alleged American Doctor Who remake have emerged from a fake news story online. Some fans of the BBC's popular long-running family SF drama were fooled by a spoof news story on the satire site Sharpened Sticks which claimed that BBC America was collaborating with Netflix on a Doctor Who remake across the Atlantic. Ooo, livid for they were. Pure dead vexed and that. Planks. The site claimed that BBC America - which broadcasts Doctor Who in the US - was planning to 'create its own Doctor Who series' after executives 'expressed dissatisfaction' with Peter Capaldi's casting as The Doctor. The post has now been confirmed as a spoof, though some fans on the site and on Twitter were completely taken in by the claims and vented their spleen. 'I wouldn't watch an "American" made Doctor Who, for gawds sake it wouldn't even be Doctor Who!' wrote one overwrought user. So, that's you told, Americans.

Speaking of Twitter, this blogger doesn't usually have much time for the beast, but he did very much enjoy this post.
What a very good question. Possibly, 'develop an attraction for the older man' a few years ahead of schedule? Just a wild stab in the dark, you understand.

As Doctor Who fans await the arrival of Peter Capaldi as the new Time Lord, one of the show's writers has claimed that the BBC once offered the role to a black actor – who turned it down. Neil Gaiman said on his blog: 'Would I like a person of colour as the Doctor? Absolutely. And there are certainly actors good enough ... I know one black actor who was already offered the part of The Doctor, and who turned it down. I have no doubt there will be [a non-white Doctor].' Gaiman said that he is a fan of Paterson Joseph who was heavily linked with the role in 2009 before Matt Smith was cast. 'Joseph was The Marquis de Carabas in Neverwhere, because he aced the auditions, and beat all the other actors, mostly white, who tried out for the role,' said Gaiman. 'I'd want that kind of performance at the audition for The Doctor. And there are certainly actors good enough out there that it feels like a missed opportunity. I was rather disappointed that Paterson didn't get it last time, although I've loved Matt.' Yer man Gaiman wouldn't say to whom he was referring, but he said that the person in question hadn't been selected as a first choice ahead of Capaldi (with whom Gaiman also worked on the 1996 TV adaptation of Neverwhere). Doctor Who fans, of course, aren't averse to a little speculation and conspiracy theory - you might have noticed - so let the chin stroking begin as they ponder on, exactly, whom the mystery man who could have been Who was.
Meanwhile, you can usually rely on the Sun for some arsehole nonsense that nobody in the real world gives a bloody shite about. Oh, mother.

Who Do You Think You Are? maintained its lead in the Wednesday ratings outside of soaps, according to overnight figures. Minnie Driver's appearance on the show proved less popular than Nigel Havers last week, dropping four hundred thousand viewers to 4.61 million at 9pm. Earlier, Celebrity MasterChef regained just under one hundred thousand punters from its last episode with 3.85m at 8pm. On BBC2, Restoration Home interested 1.91m at 8pm, followed by Queen Victoria's Children with 1.20m at 9pm. ITV's clip show You Saw Them Here First was watched by 3.61m at 8pm. Neighbourhood Force appealed to 2.03m at 9pm. On Channel Four, Anna Richardson and Louise Redknapp's new series How Not To Get Old was seen by 1.28m at 8pm. Twenty Four Hours in A&E brought in 1.92m at 9pm. The Last Leg pulled in eight hundred and seventeen thousand viewers at 10pm. Channel Five's new documentary series Nurses opened to 1.01m at 8pm. Big Brother continued with 1.28m at 9pm. BBC3's broadcast of Die Hard With A Vengeance was the highest-rated multichannel broadcast with nine hundred and seventy five thousand punters watching the same shit happen to John McClane for the third time at 9pm.

Rob Brydon has signed up to host a new comedy game show. The currently untitled format for BBC1 will film a pilot episode at Salford's The Studios complex at MediaCityUK on Friday 23 August. The 'Saturday night comedy entertainment show' will involve two members of the public battling it out for 'some of the most brilliant mediocre prizes on television.' Five celebrities from TV, film, music and sport will help out the contestants each episode. The show is the latest in a line of Saturday night entertainment shows - of varying quality - for BBC1, following on from Gabby Logan's thoroughly slovenly and disastrous I Love My Country and the promising upcoming series That Puppet Gameshow. Brydon also hosts the quiz show Would I Lie To You? and played a parody of himself in the spoof show Annually Retentive.

Channel Five has recommissioned the vet school series Animal Clinic, but with Ben Fogle hosting instead of Rolf Harris. For no obvious reason that this blogger can think of. Re-titled Ben Fogle's Animal Clinic, the show will continue to follow the University of Liverpool's vets at their three animal hospitals. Extended from six to eight episodes, the series will be broadcast this autumn. The news comes within days of Harris's second arrest over allegations of sexual offences as part of Operation Yewtree. Allegations which Rolf denies. He has been released on bail until later this month. Harris presented BBC series Animal Hospital for a decade until 2004 before he was picked up by Channel Five to present its own animal series. Rolf's Animal Clinic performed well for the channel, with an audience averaging 1.6 million over its run. The show was in a repeat run when Rolf was publicly named as a Yewtree suspect in April. The show was, subsequently, pulled from schedules and it had been uncertain as to whether it would return and, if it did, in what form. 'We are delighted to have Ben on board. His background and love of animals make him the natural choice to present the second series,' commissioning editor Ian Dunkley said. Carefully not adding anything about the reasons for Fogle replacing the show's previous host. Fogle himself previously hosted the BBC wildlife series Animal Park, set at Longleat Safari Park, for nine years. His father is the veterinary surgeon and prolific pet care author, Bruce Fogle. Among the cases covered on the new series include a Bearded Collie with a tumour-like mass on her heart, exotic species at Chester Zoo and the vets who act as emergency midwives during lambing season.

An attempt to block the release of a biopic of adult film actress Linda Lovelace by the company which owns the rights to her most famous movie has been rejected by a judge in New York and thrown out of court. US District Judge Thomas Griesa dismissed a ten million dollar claim by Arrow Productions, enabling the film to open in the US on Friday as planned. One of the film's producers expressed relief 'that common sense prevailed.' Mamma Mia star Amanda Seyfried plays the porn actress in the biopic. Arrow filed its copyright action in Manhattan on Tuesday, claiming it had not been approached 'for a licence to use any of [its] intellectual property.' Which, as noted in a previous blog update, seemingly included the name of the actress. It said that more than five minutes of footage was copyrighted material taken from Deep Throat which had been used 'without license or permission.' Arrow's legal action revealed it had licensed Deep Throat to Inferno, another film about Lovelace which was to have starred Lindsay Lohan and which was eventually abandoned. 'Arrow Productions' complaint was transparent about its desire to control discussion about Deep Throat and to hinder projects that would compete with "theirs,"' said Millennium Films' Mark Gill in a statement. 'We believe this case was an insult to the legal safeguards in place maintaining our right to freedom of speech.' Another of the defendants - Radius TWC, a division of The Weinstein Company - said it 'couldn't be more pleased. The world will finally get a chance to see Linda's real story unfold on screen in Lovelace,' said its co-presidents, Tom Quinn and Jason Janego. 'Never again will she be silenced by the producers and distributors of Deep Throat.' Lovelace, which opens in the UK on 23 August, dramatises the life of the actress born Linda Boreman in 1949. It depicts her abusive marriage to her manager, Chuck Traynor, her troubled relationship with her mother, Dorothy, and her role in the making of Deep Throat. The notorious porn movie - about a woman who derives pleasure from performing an intimate sexual act - became one of the most successful 'skin flicks' of the 1970s as well as a pop culture phenomenon. It subsequently gained additional notoriety after its title was assigned to Mark Felt, the pseudonymous informant who assisted the Washington Post's investigation into the Watergate scandal.

Helen Skelton has announced that she is to leave Blue Peter after five years on the long-running BBC children's show - and she is taking her dog with her. After joining in the summer of 2008, the thirty-year-old became known for her daring stunts, including kayaking down the Amazon. Her departure comes after she was hired as a football presenter for BT Sport.

Speaking of which, yer actual David Ginola has joined BT Sport's football team. The ex-Newcastle, Stottingtot Hotshot and France winger will co-present and provide analysis across the broadcaster's channels. 'I am incredibly happy to be joining BT and to be part of the fantastic line-up from the start,' Ginola said. 'I trust that the viewers and sports fans are as excited as I am about this new channel, which promises a different approach to sports broadcasting.' Director of BT Sport Simon Green said: 'We are really delighted to have secured David Ginola to be one of our football experts. Every football fan knows that David was one of the most talented players in Premier League history, and he has proved to be one of the most accomplished broadcasters since hanging up his boots. We expect David to provide a combination of flair and insight in his role with BT Sport, and he adds a certain style to any programme.' Ginola joins greedy little workshy malingerer, horrorshow (and drag) Michael Owen, David Calamity James, Steve McManaman and Owen Hargreaves at BT Sport and will work on Premier League, FA Cup and European football matches, include the French Ligue 1. After retiring from playing, Ginola has worked as a pundit for BBC, CNN, Al Jazeera and Orange.

A Hereford couple were allegedly arrested by armed police officers following an incident in which a TV remote control was, allegedly, 'mistaken for a firearm.' Michelle Malone and her partner Keith Abrahams were involved in the incident, after a paramedic who was treating Malone for a panic attack allegedly spotted the alleged 'weapon' in Abrahams' hand. it would seem that the paramedic then nitched the couple up, like a Copper's Nark. Promptly, ten armed officers alongside eight uniformed police arrested the pair at gunpoint and took them to the local cop shop. Malone and Abrahams were questioned for four hours, reports the Mirra. A thorough search of the house was conducted in order to find the 'weapon', but no trace of a gun was found. Malone said: 'The police told us the medic had seen a ten-inch long black firearm being held by Keith as he lay in bed. But he had dozed off watching TV in his bedroom - it must have been the remote.' The couple added that the ordeal was 'just horrendous.' With Abrahams still in his underwear, the couple were frog-marched to a police van and questioned while their house was searched. They were, ultimately, released without being charged. Malone is reportedly taking legal action against West Mercia Police after suffering concussion during the arrest. The couple are also 'seeking compensation' from both the IPCC and the West Midlands Ambulance Service after their treatment. Both the police and the WMAS have confirmed that 'official investigations into the couple's claims' are under way.

A North Korean comedian was sent to undertake hard labour in a coal mine following a performance in which she said something to offend the draconian regime according to the Chortle website. Reports from the notoriously secretive country claim that Lee Choon Hong made a 'slip of the tongue' on 'sensitive issues' and was bundled directly off to the Jikdong Youth Coal Mine for a bit of re-education. An alleged 'source' allegedly told Radio Free Asia that the comedian was 'not given permission' to return home to prepare herself for her time in the mines or to say goodbye to her family, forcing her daughter to postpone her wedding. Lee, who is said to be popular among North Koreans for her satirical material employing a range of comic accents, had been entertaining workers on a one hundred and fifty thousand-acre farm project in South-Eastern Kangwon province. She had been ordered to perform there by the authorities. The alleged 'source' allegedly said that punishments such as Lee's typically involve an 'evaluation period' of about six months where she would have to be 'extra careful' in the mine. Lee previously worked for the propaganda squad of a military unit, and had been chosen to join former leader Kim Jong Il's Entourage of Delight – a troupe of entertainers he kept for his personal pleasure – during the Eighties and Nineties.

'Every great album has a bikers song,' Jim Reid of The Jesus and Mary Chain once claimed. Well, that's arguable (I can't remember a bikers song on Pet Sounds, fr instance!) but, for today's Keith Telly Topping's 33 of the Day, here's one which definitely does. A twenty four carat masterpiece from yer actual Godlike genius that is Richard Thompson.

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