Wednesday, August 28, 2013

And Then There's Keith, Waiting For Trial

So, dear blog reader, do you want a gander at the latest on-location photo from Sherlock series three? Daft question, right?
Yer man Marty's looking a bit startled there. Presumably, Benny's just told him how much coin he got for the Star Trek: Into Darkness gig.

While all Benny Cumberbatch-fans eyes are on Cardiff and London as Sherlock shoots the final episode of the show’s upcoming third series, some new photos have been released from his turn as Wikileaks founder - and, alleged, rapist - Julian Assange in the upcoming biopic-thriller The Fifth Estate.
The movie, will almost certainly garner even more fandom curiosity for the inclusion of yer actual Peter Capaldi who plays Gruniad Morning Star editor - and specky oik - Alan Ruuntbudgie, alongside Dan Stevens ex- of Downton Abbey as reporter Ian Katz.
The film, which also stars Daniel Brühl, Laura Linney and Stanley Tucci, is released in Britain and the US on 18 October. Assange himself - still currently living (presumably, free of charge) in the Ecuadorian embassy in London - had previously expressed 'distaste' for the biopic, calling it 'a massive propaganda attack on WikiLeaks and the character of my staff', but according to reports earlier this year he was said to have 'softened his position' following an e-mail correspondence with Benny his very self.
The Great British Bake Off dipped slightly from last week's launch, according to overnight figures. The BBC2 show was seen by 5.32 million overnight viewers at 8pm on Tuesday, down by just under three hundred thousand from the previous week. Earlier, Only Connect was watched by 1.67m at 7.30pm, while Midwives: Old Mums, Young Mums attracted 1.86m at 9pm. On BBC1, New Tricks easily topped the night overall with 7.5m, jumping by almost a million punters from the previous episode. ITV's coverage of The Arse's victory over Fenerbahçe in the Champions League scored but 2.65m from 7.30pm. On Channel Four, Double Your House For Free brought in 1.04m at 8pm, followed by Top Boy with eight hundred and twenty one thousand at 9pm. Channel Five's latest CSI: NY had an audience of 1.17m at 9pm. Celebrity Big Brother continued with 1.79m at 10pm.

The 2013 Doctor Who Prom was watched by 1.2 million viewers on Bank Holiday Monday afternoon, according to overnight viewing figures. The show, broadcast on BBC1 from 4:30pm, had a share of thirteen per cent of the total television audience. The viewing figures built throughout the seventy five minute programme, peaking at 1.6 million for the final quarter of an hour. It won the timeslot beating The Incredible Hulk on ITV, which had nine hundred thousand punters watching.
Robbie Williams was, briefly, considered to voice The Doctor in a Doctor Who online episode, it has been claimed. Prior to the BBC's popular family SF drama returning to BBC1 in 2005, Richard E Grant voiced the Time Lord in animated series Scream of the Shalka, which was released via the show's official website. However, a documentary on the animation's DVD release has revealed that Williams was considered for the lead role, according to the Blogtor Who website. 'Because we were reaching for the mainstream, I actually thought, "He's one of the most famous people in Britain" - it would actually get us an enormous kick of attention,' yer actual Paul Cornell his very self explained. Producer James Goss added: 'Think about it - if you really wanted to bring Doctor Who to a whole new audience, it would have been the most popular, talked-about thing the BBC website ever did.' Williams was ultimately unable to meet the production's schedule, with Grant ultimately taking the role of The Doctor.

Idris Elba's troubled detective John Luther could be heading for the big screen, series creator Neil Cross says. Which isn't exactly news since such a movie scenario has been mooted for at least a year - possibly longer. However, most of the national papers for some reason seem to have picked up on the comments - which originated in an interview at the Edinburgh International TV Festival - and find this revelation to be newsworthy. Maybe it's a slow news week; I mean, there's only chemical warfare going on in Syria after all. The writer admitted that the BBC TV series was 'finished' because Elba had 'gone on to be a big movie star', playing Nelson Mandela in the forthcoming biopic Long Walk To Freedom. But Cross said that he hoped the character could be revived in a film prequel. 'I've written the script and we hope to get the film made next year,' he said at Edinburgh. 'Idris is a brilliant leading man and we've hoped to turn Luther into a movie for a long time. It will follow his career in the earlier days, when he is still married to Zoe, and the final scene in the film is the first of the initial TV series.' Making the film as a prequel would allow Cross to resurrect some of the characters who left the TV series, often in extremely violent circumstances. The writer has already explored this territory in a novel, The Calling, which focuses on a traumatic case involving a child killer and culminates in the detective receiving a seven-month suspension. Elba has expressed an interest in turning the story into a film before, telling audiences at a BAFTA preview for Luther's third series it was 'definitely a goal.' He said the film would explore 'who Luther is and where he's come from. We do want a new audience, but we also want to keep the fans interested, so we have to tread very carefully.' Elba, who was born in Canning Town, made his name playing Stringer Bell, the drug-dealing anti-hero of US crime series The Wire. He previously had parts on the West End stage and in Channel Five's soap opera Family Affairs before moving to New York to pursue bigger roles. The forty-year-old won a Golden Globe for best actor in a mini-series for his role in Luther, which made its debut on BBC1 in 2011 and has become popular around the world. His co-star in the series, Ruth Wilson, may also be set for a spin-off show based on her character Alice Morgan - a murderer who becomes the detective's confidante. 'The BBC is very interested in the project,' Cross told Variety magazine last year. 'The truth is I absolutely adore Alice! We're kind of thinking very loosely of a mix between The Talented Mr Ripley and The Last Seduction.'

Incidentally, dear blog reader, Wednesday saw the fiftieth anniversary of Martin Luther King's legendary 'I have a dream' speech, one of the most important pieces of oratory in the history of mankind - and, for once, that isn't hyperbole, it's completely accurate. However, it's been reported - and this blogger no reason to doubt the veracity of this - that the speech and its contents are so heavily copyrighted that broadcasters wishing to celebrate this anniversary are limited to just thirty seconds of it under 'fair usage' - including transcripts and the reading thereof. That's some serious messed-up shit considering what the 'I Have A Dream' speech was saying about individual and collective freedoms and no mistake.
And so we come to this.
Having been both biking and swimming on Tuesday, dear blog reader, Wednesday's yer actual Keith Telly Topping's exciting adventure on Gillian began later than usual due to a (slightly lengthier than normal) lie-in for Keith Telly Topping his very self. And then, breakfast. It was, however, the longest bike ride yer actual Keith Telly Topping has so far undertaken (that trip up to Mietek and Naomi's gaff a couple of weeks back notwithstanding) - close on two miles, yer actual Keith Telly Topping estimates. He went up Wigmore, along Springwell, up Bird's Nest Road, along Wilton, down Kingston, along Monkchester, down Walker Road apiece, right the way down Sandy Crescent, along St Anthony's Road and then back up Wigmore (a really hard climb for already tired legs, that bit) before a final little flourish along Burnham to Stately Telly Topping Manor its very self. So, obviously, as a direct consequence of this malarkey, yer actual Keith Telly Topping was totally Jacob's Cream Cracker'd and was fit for nowt for the rest of the day. Which was a pity, as the garden at Stately Telly Topping rather needed a bit of quality strimming. Yer actual Keith Telly Topping is a big fan of existentialism, dear bog reader. Especially on an overcast day. There's something rather empirical about its ceaseless fatalism he's always felt. There was cookery, however. Today's Stately Telly Topping Manor recipe for us dinner is an old favourite, chicken and charizo masala with garlic, chillies, mixed herbs and wild mushrooms. Keith Telly Topping his very self also added a splash of lemon juice for zing, some apple for substance and the usual three types of onion to stink the kitchens at Stately Telly Topping Manor up a treat. Served with fresh pasta and pitta bread. Hmmm, that's good eatin'.
Soft core pornographer Richard Desmond's Channel Five has snapped up the rights to a new CGI TV series of cult children's classic The Wombles. Bet that'll fit in well alongside Celebrity Big Brother. The company which owns the rights to the Wimbledon Common-dwelling recycling enthusiasts also said that there are 'plans afoot' to launch a Wombles World website, develop a 'live-action/CGI' feature film and revive the infamous Wombles singing group for a tour. Channel Five has struck a deal for two new series of the show, consisting of twenty six episodes of eleven minutes each, which will be broadcast in 2015. Mike Batt, who wrote the theme tune for the original 1970s BBC series and now owns the rights to The Wombles, said that the Twenty First-Century TV version will use CGI over the stop-motion effects of the 1970s series. 'It will look more like stop-motion but with great fur,' he claimed. 'We believe that there are audiences of new children who missed The Wombles the first time around and will be thrilled to see the brilliant high-quality animation and new musical productions.' Channel Five will show The Wombles on its children's programming strand Milkshake. The new series will be made by Dramatico Animation. 'This show was so loved by generations of children and the time is right for it to gain a whole new following,' said Jessica Symons, head of children's programmes at Channel Five. 'The stories and characters are as compelling as ever and we're excited to welcome The Wombles to Milkshake.' The Wombles first appeared in six novels by Elizabeth Beresford, published in the UK between 1968 and 1976. Two stop-motion series were produced for the BBC between 1973 and 1975, making the show's characters firm family favourites. The Wombles went on to become something of a music sensation with eight top forty hit singles in Britain – all of them shit, admittedly – cementing their place in British children's culture. In 1995 a stop-motion series was produced for ITV. 'Many people have attempted to bring back classic properties, and failed,' said Genevieve Dexter, co-executive producer alongside Batt. 'What sets The Wombles apart is that they were ahead of their time, as the first recycling enthusiasts and with the extra dimension of the band which brought them to a family arena.' Dexter, who runs agency Serious Lunch, has been tasked with raising five million quid to fund expansion of the The Wombles and to find partners to exploit the rights internationally.

Channel Four soap Hollyoaks has been censured over a fight scene where one of the main characters was killed by a speeding train. Broadcasting watchdog Ofcom ruled the 'violent and shocking' scene shown on 19 March 2013 should not have been shown before the watershed. In its defence, Channel Four said it had 'taken a number of measures' to ensure the sequence complied with TV rules. However Ofcom ruled that the measures were 'not sufficient.' The scene between former undercover policeman Simon Walker and former drug dealer Brendan Brady was the culmination of a year-long revenge storyline - ending with the death of Walker who was pushed into the path of the oncoming train. Channel Four said 'there was an expectation from viewers that there would be a dramatic end to such a complex tense relationship.' The entire sequence from the start of the fight to the train collision was a minute and a half long and was at the end of the programme just before 19:00. Channel Four claimed 'great caution' had been taken not to show 'too high a level of violence' than was 'appropriate for the time.' That included editing the number of punches and monitoring the sound levels, while the script had been 'crafted to ensure viewers were aware of what may lie ahead.' The episode had a pre-show announcement which 'served to clearly notify viewers that a dramatic, tense episode was on the way.' Channel Four said as Hollyoaks was a drama aimed at a teen audience, the storyline and content 'would not have exceeded their expectations and the signposting would have been sufficient.' It added that as only one person - who clearly had nothing better to do with their time - had actually complained to Ofcom about the issue, it demonstrated that the sequence was 'appropriately scheduled' and to find the material in breach of the broadcasting code would be 'an unreasonable and disproportionate restriction on Channel Four's right to freedom of expression.' In its ruling, Ofcom highlighted official BARB figures which showed ten per cent of the total audience of the episode were aged between four and nine years old, remaining consistent throughout the programme. Ofcom concluded the scene had the 'potential to distress younger viewers as well as raise concerns about the level of violence amongst parents watching with their children regardless of the editorial context presented or the signposting provided.' The broadcasting watchdog has commissioned research into viewers' attitudes to violence on television - in particular before and immediately after the watershed. The results will be published in 2014.

Sting has spoken of how he wants people in his native Tyneside to 'feel proud' of his first stage musical - about shipbuilding in the North East. Well, this particular one doesn't. And wishes that the risible balding ex-milkman from Waalsend would just piss off back to his four hundred acre gaff in Tuscany or his apartment in New York and stop bloody inflicting himself of the people of the North East. Who've can't stand the bastard.

British holidaymakers have faced fines or worse for feeding pigeons, playing bingo or eating while sitting on a monument, the Foreign Office has said. It warned that Britons booking foreign holidays without researching their destination risk being caught out by unfamiliar laws. More than a quarter of consular assistance cases were for arrests or detentions last year, it found. It said many could easily have been avoided by researching in advance. Charles Hay, director of consular services, said: 'Every year British nationals find themselves on the wrong side of the law unexpectedly, resulting in fines or in some cases arrests or even jail sentences. It is important to remember that laws and customs can vary greatly from country to country and what may be perfectly legal in the UK could be subject to a fine or even a jail sentence in another.' Hay said that many Britons treated their passport as a 'get out of jail free card.' But while the Foreign Office will always try to help, Hay warned, 'We can't interfere in another country's legal processes.' Last year the Foreign Office dealt with nineteen thousand two hundred and forty four consular assistance cases, including five thousand four hundred and thirty five arrests. It said alcohol, drug and cigarette laws varied by country, warning that it was vital for British citizens to familiarise themselves with the relevant laws. For example, while the Netherlands had a reputation for being tolerant of 'soft' drugs, this was only the case in designated areas and possession could carry a prison sentence. It listed some of the more unusual laws to watch out for, including: In the Italian city of Venice it is against the law to feed pigeons, while in Florence it is an offence to eat or drink in the immediate vicinity of churches and public buildings; In Barbados it is an offence for anyone, including children, to wear camouflage clothing; Fiji prohibits topless sunbathing; It is illegal to take mineral water into Nigeria; Chewing gum is prohibited on Singapore's Mass Rapid Transit system; Taking more than two hundred cigarettes into Thailand is illegal and In Japan it is illegal to use some nasal sprays which are commonly available elsewhere. Most countries don't particularly like people trying to smuggle drugs in, either it would seem.

And so to yer actual Keith Telly Topping's 45 of the Day. This one's for everybody who's been banged up overseas.

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