From The North update ahoy, dearest bloggerisationism fiends. Hit That There blog signal Keith Telly Topping and let us, if you'd be ever so kind, get this show very much on the road.
As soon as possible, if you please.
We start this here latest From The North update with a jolly really very important Stately Telly Topping Manor announcement relating, specifically, to Bride of a Vault of Horror - A Book of Seventy Two Great* British** Films of 'Mystery & Suspense From 1933 to 1986 (* And not so great) (** Plus two French, three Italian and one Spanish) a book written by this very blogger. You knew that, right? Which is as follows: 'From The Ghoul to Gothic - seventy two British 'mystery and suspense' films (plus two French, three Italian and one Spanish) which collectively made a lasting impression on the psyche of a nation. Author Keith Topping examines more of the films which shaped his childhood (except for the ones that he didn't see until he was in his twenties), taking a wry and often irreverent look at their triumphs and failings, their stars, their continuity blunders and impact on the genre as a whole. Illustrated with many rare black and white photographs, this is one film guide guaranteed to raise a smile as we take you back to more memories of yesteryear. 613pp. 6×9 trade paperback, ISBN: 978-1-84583-270-4, publication date 31 October 2026.' So, that's what oit's all about, dear blog fiends and, most important of all, it is now extremely available for pre-order. Here, to be precise.
Please do consider buying one, several or lots. Keith Telly Topping, as well you know, remains a thoroughly self-unemployed author, journalist, broadcaster and blogger with an ever growing Blu-ray collection and a salt and chilli King Prawn with boiled rice habit to support. It's a monkey he simply can't get off his back. Thank you, therefore, for allowing him into your Interwebs. And, if you're looking for a specific reason to buy the book in question, then please consider this extract, from the introduction (page ten), by way of a taster to the rest of the contents.
Is this in any way representative of you when watching a horror film at your local kinematographic palace of entertainment, dear blog reader? If so, then you really need to pre-order a copy of yer actual Keith Telly Topping's latest volume, Bride of a Vault of Horror - A Book of Seventy Two Great* British** Films of 'Mystery & Suspense From 1933 to 1986 (* And not so great) (** Plus two French, three Italian and one Spanish). Which, just a reminder, is thoroughly available from here. Go on. You know you want to.
Meanwhile, as the last Stately Telly Topping Manor project nears its long-awaited publication date, the current Stately Telly Topping Manor project, Beyond a Vault of Horror - A Study of Seventy Further Great* British Tales of 'Mystery & Suspense' 1936-1981 (* and not so great) - the fourth part of the A Vault of Horror tetralogy (or, fifth if you count Island of Terror) - has entered the final six weeks of it's editing before delivery to the publishers. Which, ironically, is scheduled for the very day that its predecessor, Bride of a Vault of Horror - A Book of Seventy Two Great* British** Films of 'Mystery & Suspense From 1933 to 1986 (* And not so great) (** Plus two French, three Italian and one Spanish), is due for release.
And, as we all wait - patiently, one hopes - for the forthcoming release of Bride of a Vault of Horror - A Book of Seventy Two Great* British** Films of 'Mystery & Suspense From 1933 to 1986 (* And not so great) (** Plus two French, three Italian and one Spanish) next month, should any dear blog fiends be of a mind to do so, they can always order one, two or all three of this blogger's previous tomes on British horror, SF and fantasy films from the genuinely tremendous, immensely ground-breaking and totally fantastico Telos Publishing (available here, here and here). Unless, of course, you already have ordered one, two or all three of them, obviously. In which case, this blogger loves you all the mostest, baby. You remain the greatest collective blog fiends that ever there was in all the live-long day and, this blogger, humbly, thanks you all for allowing him - once again - into your homes (and, indeed, your wallets). Except to note that, of course, you could - if you, you know, felt like it - order one, two or all three of them again. Perhaps as a gift for that special someone in your life ... whom you don't like. It's an option that's all this blogger is saying.
Speaking of the genuinely tremendous, immensely ground-breaking and total fantabuloid Telos Publishing, this massive tome (which this blogger has had on pre-order since sometime in January) turned up at The Stately Telly Topping Manor late last week. This blogger is currently approximately one hundred and sixty pages into the book (he's just about reached filming of The Macra Terror) and is happy to report that David Brunt's book, the second in what is - potentially - a quindecalogy, is every bit as good as the previous - superb - volume. And it's massive; weighing in at a staggering seven hundred and seventy four pages. It can be purchased here and, frankly, anyone with even the slightest interest in Doctor Who and its lengthy history cannot afford not to have it in their lives and on their (ideally reinforced) bookshelves. Trust this blogger on this one, he's a highly respected best-selling author, journalist and broadcaster, you should probably give his opinion at least the courtesy of consideration.
Additionally, allow this blogger to reveal the reason why the lady from Royal Mail who delivers The Stately Telly Topping Manor post to Derek, The Stately Telly Topping Manor door each day now curtsies every time she hands the latest batch over.
Since last this blogger did bloggerise, dear blog fiends, there has been yet another of Keith Telly Topping's fortnightly (or, sometimes, three-weekly, depending on health issues) luncheonettes with That There Young Malcolm. This time, it was at the very marvellous From The North favourite The Amaysia and consisted of, first up, a well-soupy starter.
Then, a completely total currytastic main course (with a, necessary, water supplement).
And, finally, whilst That There Young Malcolm was busy getting coked-up right good and proper, not only a coffee be also, inevitably, a wafffffer-thin mint. Very nice it was, too.
Then, this blogger returned to The Stately Telly Topping Manor for some fun and games (mainly, the latter).
Next up, a From The North Top Tip, dear blog fiends ('borrowed', this blogger freely admits, direct from the pages of Viz). This blogger well remembers buses, dear blog fiends. He was on two of them just only yesterday as it happens.
Followed by an actual, honest-to-God, Stately Telly Topping Manor Top Tip. If you're about to go away on yer hollybobs, dear blog fiends, always remember to get your passport renewed and have the photograph taken by an accredited photographer. Failure to do so may cause all manner of yer actual discombobulation and malarkey.
Really? This blogger must've missed the entire thing. He was probably too busy considering the inherent ludicrousness of existence at the time. Either that, or listened to the first House of Love LP that particular evening. One or the other. Probably the latter, frankly.
Blimey, what's poor Tim done to deserve such a grizzly fate, then?
Two points here (well, three if you count an overdue salute of the Stately Telly Topping Manor titfer to everyone in Clacton - at least one resident of which clearly, if you will, Hathaway with words). Firstly, what, exactly, is a 'flicking cent', this blogger has always been curious about that? And, secondly, this blogger sincerely believes it's the underscored emphasis on the word 'still' that makes it art, dear blog fiends.
This blogger wonders whether that chair without a backrest is, entirely, ergonomically suitable for the task for which it has, seemingly, been designed? That's a health and safety nightmare waiting to happen, to be sure.
Usually, whenever this blogger gets his bi-annual severe Barnet crop at his local hair salon boutique, Keith Telly Topping is often asked 'you're not a pensioner, are you?' as, if he was, he would qualify for a two quid OAP discount. To which, this blogger usually replies with something along the lines of 'Julian H Cope, I don't look that old to you, do I?' Last week, however, when this blogger had just received a fashionably serious suedehead, the lady who did the sterling job on The Stately Telly Topping Manor riah, when asked by this blogger what the actual damaged was, replied 'you're a pensioner, right?' More of a statement than a question, frankly. Now, technically speaking, this blogger is, indeed, a pensioner as he receives his monthly occupation pension (such as it is) from his former employers and has done since he was sixty. So, Keith Telly Topping told her that this was, broadly speaking, accurate and, thus, he got changed a tenner rather than the usual twelve notes for the job. This blogger did, briefly, considering fessing-up at that juncture and informing her that, in future, she should specify exactly which pensioners are eligible for said discount and which are not. But, then this blogger thought to his very self, 'nah. Life's difficult enough as it is, let her learn the hard way.' Here endeth today's lesson, dear blog fiends. Be specific is all things.
Is it just this blogger or does anyone else still have a fairly significant problem with this story - reported by BBC News - even at those odds?
A regular feature of recent From The North updates has been this blogger, frankly, crowing - like a murder of crows at their most murderous - about those occasional occasions when he gets a decent score on Geoguesser. And, this latest bloggerisationsim update is going to be no different, dear blog fiends. Why change the habit of a lifetime (or, of the last few months, anyway)? On 9 September yer actual Keith Telly Topping only went and broke the standing Stately Telly Topping Manor record with a score of twenty three thousand nine hundred and eighty out of a possible twenty five thousand. Pure dead chuffed so this blogger was.
He was, he must confess, completely blown away by the fact that in the final round a 'this, frankly, could be anywhere' guess of somewhere in the middle of the United Arab Emirates turned out not only to be the right country but, by a complete fluke - that almost certainly, won't ever occur again - less than sixty miles from the actual location.
Next, dear blog fiends, it would appear that they've got everything you could possibly wish for in Aisle Fifteen. Which is good to know.
On 10 November 1967, the following pop package tour played at the Newcastle City Hall. Quite a line-up. This blogger would have gone but, only being four years old at the time, Mama Telly Topping had the final say on that matter and she said 'no.' An opportunity missed, one could argue.
And, on that bombshell, that's the end of this far shorter than usual update. However, fear not, dear blog fiends. From The North will return.
