Welcome you are, dear blog reader, to yet another From The North bloggerisationism update. And, we start with the latest news about what's goin' down in Groovetown with the actual President.
No, not that one. Sadly, this is the real world. This blogger is referring to the Curiously Orange soon-to-be-former President currently occupying The Oval Office (even if that situation is not going to last for too much longer).
'The President is isolated and wallowing in self-pity mode,' according to an - alleged - White House 'source', quoted by CNN. A senior - though, tragically, anonymous - Rump adviser allegedly also offered a 'stinging assessment' of the President's second impeachment by saying that Rump had 'destroyed everything he built, politically' because he could never tell the truth. 'In the end, it all came crashing down because he could never tell the truth,' the alleged adviser allegedly said. 'All because he couldn't accept he lost,' the alleged adviser allegedly added. 'This will be the story you tell your kids when you lecture them about telling the truth.' Harsh. But, probably fair.
So, as we noted in our last From The North bloggerisationisms update, it is often stated that a week is a long time in politics. Last week was very much a case in point. This week, meanwhile, has been a jolly queer one for soon-to-be-former President Mister Rump. For a kick-off Rump National in Bedminster has been extremely stripped of the US Professional Golf Association Championship in 2022 as its organisers felt using the course as host would be 'detrimental.' For which read 'a public relations disaster for them.' The PGA of America voted to terminate the agreement on Sunday. As soon-to-be-former President Mister Rump was gurning like someone who'd just sucked on a sour lemon over that catastrophe for his 'brand', the Royal & Ancient Golf Club of St Andrews announced that The Open will likewise not be returning to soon-to-be-former President Mister Rump's Turnberry 'in the foreseeable future.' The R&A repeated concerns over the 'focus' surrounding the event being away from the course, with the Ayrshire club under the ownership of soon-to-be-former President Mister Rump since 2014. Within the course of twenty four hours, it seemed therefore, that the entire world of professional golf had, as one, decided to try and find the nearest sewer to dump soon-to-be-former President Mister Rump's odious toxicity into. With extreme prejudice. Who knew that the world of professional golf had a moral compass? Of sorts.
R&A chief executive Martin Slumbers confirmed in a statement that soon-to-be-former President Mister Rump's Turnberry resort would not be restored to the Open rota and it is unlikely to change whilst soon-to-be-former President Mister Rump is associated with the venue. 'We had no plans to stage any of our championships at Turnberry and will not do so in the foreseeable future,' said Slumbers. 'We will not return until we are convinced that the focus will be on the championship, the players and the course itself and we do not believe that is achievable in the current circumstances.'
If soon-to-be-former President Mister Rump was feeling more than a touch sore about his golf courses suddenly becoming no longer places that lots of 'guys named Flippy' wanted to be seen dead in, he was unable to share his considerable ire at this right-shite state of affairs with the rest of the world. Due to his having been very banned - either permanently or temporarily - from just about every social media platform that he'd ever previously used. Twitter boss Jack Dorsey said that banning soon-to-be-former President Mister Rump was 'the right thing to do.' However, he expressed sadness at what he described as the 'extraordinary and untenable circumstances' surrounding soon-to-be-former President Mister Rump's permanent suspension. Albeit, he did add that it was also, you know, pure dead funny.
Soon-to-be-former President Mister Rump couldn't even get onto Spotify after his naughty alleged insurrection-inspiring ways. Despite this blogger preparing a nice appropriate Playlist especially for him.
Yes, dear blog reader, this blogger did already use that joke during the last bloggerisationism update. But he spent a lot of time creating that particular Playlist. Which, you can have a listen to if you like, it's got some proper bangin' tunes on it. And, one by Shaggy, admittedly.
Back to soon-to-be-former President Mister Rump's rotten week, dear blog reader. Tuesday saw Deutsche Bank becoming the latest large multinational company to cut ties with soon-to-be-former President Mister Rump. With the firm that had propped up the Rump Organization for two decades reportedly announcing that it would 'no longer do business' with the disgraced and disgraceful soon-to-be-former President. The Rump Organization, fronted by soon-to-be-former President Mister Rump's older sons - Cretin and Cretin II - reportedly owes the bank about three hundred and forty million bucks in outstanding loans. After a series of bankruptcies in the 1990s, it was the only bank willing to give soon-to-be-former President Mister Rump any money. Now, seemingly, it is no longer willing to fund his doings.
If soon-to-be-former President Mister Rump shat rich brown diarrhoea into his own keks when he heard this news, we simply don't know. But, this blogger would advise soon-to-be-actual President Mister Biden to get all of the seat covers in The Oval Office steam-cleaned when he is given the keys to the gaff next week. It's always wise to do that whenever moving into a new drum anyway but, perhaps, especially so in this particular case.
YouTube then became the latest social network to suspend soon-to-be-former President Mister Rump. Which not only meant that soon-to-be-former President Mister Rump could not post any further videos full of disinformation, wild conspiracy theories and, allegedly, support for insurrectionists but, also, that he couldn't watch anyone else's videos of cats playing the piano or blokes setting light to their own farts. Which was, obviously, tragic.
Following the lead of Deutsche Bank, New York's mayor, Bill de Blasio, then announced that he intended to terminate the city's business ties with soon-to-be-former President Mister Rump. The Rump Organisation is under city contract to operate the two ice rinks and a carousel in Central Park as well as a golf course in The Bronx and profits about seventeen million dollars a year from those sites, De Blasio said. 'I'm here to announce that the city of New York is severing all contracts' with the Rump Organisation.
All this ... and a somewhat more minor irritant for soon-to-be-former President Mister Rump as, on Wednesday, he only went and got himself impeached. Again. Though one still suspects he was probably more irked by the golf situation.
So, that was, obviously, very sad. Or not as the case may be. Meanwhile, the fall-out from last week's shocking events in Washington continued. The soon-to-be-former First Lady, Missus Melania Rump paid tribute to the dead of the Capitol attack but, somehow, managed to use the same statement to cast herself as a victim. Which, if you go onto Google and do a search for 'the most disgraceful example of missing-the-point in history,' you'll probably find soon-to-be-former First Lady, Missus Melania Rump's crass selfishness and 'why isn't everybody talking about me, me, me, me me?' rhetoric quite close to the top of the list.
It was also widely reported that the New York State Bar Association was considering removing soon-to-be-former President Mister Rump's attorney, former New York Mayor and international joke Rudy Giuliani, from its membership. The credentialing organisation issued a statement accusing Giuliani of playing a part in inciting the crowd which attacked the Capitol last week. If it was a bad week for soon-to-be-former President Mister Rump it was turning into a positively wretched one for the wretched-anyway Giuliani when it was revealed that soon-to-be-former President Mister Rump had, apparently, 'ordered aides not to pay Giuliani's twenty thousand dollar-a-day fee' as he turned on his closest allies in impotent, orange-faced fury at being impeached for a second time.
Another to feel the wrath of soon-to-be-former President Mister Rump's bombast was soon-to-be-former Vice President Mister Pounds, Shillings and Pence. 'You can either go down in history as a patriot or a pussy' was, allegedly, how soon-to-be-former President Mister Rump berated soon-to-be-former Vice President Mister Pounds, Shillings and Pence prior to the Capitol riots as he demanded that soon-to-be-former Vice President Mister Pounds Shillings and Pence not certify the erection result in Congress. An instruction which soon-to-be-former Vice President Mister Pounds, Shillings and Pence, to his slight credit, ignored and then found himself the subject of the murderous fury of the sick, crazed mob of seditionists who attacked the Capitol. All because he wouldn't do soon-to-be-former President Mister Rump's - illegal - bidding. Albeit, let it be noted, it's a bit rich for soon-to-be-former Vice President Mister Pounds, Shillings and Pence to be casting himself as a hero because he suddenly developed a backbone at the eleventh hour having spent the previous four years - and more - doing everything soon-to-be-former President Mister Rump told him to. However humiliating.
There were also reports that soon-to-be-former President Mister Rump was getting a bit testy and discombobulated with some of his closest White House advisors over suggestions that he might like to think about resigning as the disgraced and disgraceful Richard Nixon once did and then depending on soon-to-be-former Vice President Mister Pounds, Shillings and Pence to pardon his sorry ass. Soon-to-be-former President Mister Rump was, it is claimed, not very taken with this particular idea.
It was a week in which many of soon-to-be-former President Mister Rump's former enablers were seeking shelter from the storm and discovering that, actually, it is possible to tell soon-to-be-former President Mister Rump to, effectively, go fek himself without then spontaneously combusting. Like, for instance, Rupert Murdoch. And Mitch McConnell. And Bill Belichick! Christ, dear blog reader, he even appears to have lost Mick Mulvaney, the man who once suggested that the media was 'exaggerating Coronavirus coverage to "bring down"' soon-to-be-former President Mister Rump. Of course it is, perhaps, too great a claim to suggest that at least some of these Damascus Road-style conversions from The Dark Side Of The Force had been prompted by self-interest and a desire not to back a loser. Oh no, dear blog reader, very hot water.
You can say what you like about Congresswoman Liz Cheney, dear blog reader - this blogger isn't a fan of either her or her father - but at least she did the right thing. Eventually.
In the mean time, authorities continue to search, painstakingly, for those who took part in 6 January's murderous rampage which shocked the world. As detailed last time, they already had feet-up-on-the-desk 'Bigo', The Grinning Podium Thief, Jake The Bison Man (who lives with his mom), the Children Cry Out For Justice lady, Derrick from West Virginia and others - mostly big silly men with big silly beards gormlessly bellowing 'YOU. ESS. AYY' - in custody for their naughty seditious ways. Since then, the police and the FBI have also nabbed Camp Auschwitz T-Shirt Guy, The Redneck With The Confederate Flag, the Olympic medallist who turned up to a riot in his Team USA jacket and more than one hundred others. Including the retired firefighter who was captured on video throwing - oh, the irony - a fire extinguisher at a police officer's head. Robert Sanford 'got caught up in the moment' and 'made a split-second decision' and is 'very upset,' his attorney, Enrique Latoison, weaselled as if that was an excuse for his clients violent and - potential deadly - actions. Tragically, there remains no news yet on whether hardened 'revolutionary' Elizabeth from Knoxville has had her collar felt by the FBI and slung into The Slammer. Of course, if those in law enforcement wanted to take a short cut in rounding up the usual suspects they could simply go to the Conan Daily website which has a helpful list of many of those who - seemingly gleefully - took part in The Insurrection.
Interestingly, Jake The Bison Man (who lives with his mom) is reported to be 'begging' soon-to-be-former President Mister Rump for a pardon. Jake Angeli, who stormed the Capitol shirtless and with horns on his head - looking, let it be noted, like a complete and utter twonk - has said that he felt he was 'answering the call of our President.' Yeah. I wouldn't hold your breath on that score, Jake.
As MarketWatch notes, QAnon And 'Stop The Steal' Rioters Will Be In A World Of Hurt As The Law Crashes Down On Them. Those many bad-ass perpetrators who did all the rioting had better hope they get nabbed by The Feds first, obviously, since they've also got Big Arnie on their case. All joking aside, this blogger completely agrees with the Gruniad Morning Star's approving assessment of former Governor Schwarzenegger's sentiments. 'Schwarzenegger’s video today, however schmaltzy and hokey in style, was a real reminder to the fatuous callow right that Nazis and Nazism are not just death-metal icons or gamer fantasies. They really did exist, with America-first cheerleaders such as Joseph Kennedy and Charles Lindbergh encouraging their fellow citizens to look the other way. And he also showed us that the immigrant experience can bring wisdom.' Damn straight. As a very wise man once said, 'Nazis! I hate those guys.' Oh, sorry, that's the wrong movie. Let's try again. As a very wise man once said ... 'I'll be back!'
US wildlife authorities have, reportedly, launched an investigation after a manatee was discovered with the word 'Trump' scraped on its back. The marine mammal was spotted on Sunday in Florida's Homosassa River, with soon-to-be-former President Mister Rump's surname on its body. Officials told the AP news agency that the animal does not appear to be seriously injured and the word was scraped onto algae growing on its skin. Nevertheless, it was said to be hugely embarrassed that it was, in any way, being associated with soon-to-be-former President Mister Rump and that the manatee was keen to let everyone know it had, in fact, voted for President-Elect Biden.
The Rump Administration has, reportedly, started to move out of The White House. A bust of former President Abraham Lincoln was seen leaving The West Wing (not on its own, obviously, someone was carrying it). The look on Lincoln's face, allegedly, suggested a man currently involved in a hostage situation.
Once again, this blogger highly recommends to all dear blog readers, the BBC's acclaimed podcast Americast, the latest episode of which - Donald & The Giant Impeach - is their third update of the week (they usually only do one).
Incidentally, if you think the title for the latest episode of Americast is the wittiest pun of the week related to soon-to-be-former President Mister Rump, think again. Co-host and BBC Washington correspondent Jon Sopel has a new book out - which, tragically, he an Emily didn't even have time to talk about in-depth due to all the other things currently going on in the US. There title for which is UnPresidented.
The Daily Scum Mail claims that DC's Biggest Corporate Donors Including Amazon, GE, Verizon and Best Buy Plunge Republicans Into Cash Crisis By Boycotting 'Treason Caucus' and Other Firms Stop ALL Political Donations. To which the vast majority of voters replied 'and the problem with this, is ...?' Similar claims were made elsewhere in the media, here, here and here. Which is, obviously, tragic news for greedy rich fekkers who think that the way to succeed in business is to have a couple of tame politicians - up to and including the soon-to-be-former President - in your oversized corporate pocket.
Thus ends the latest From The North bloggerisationism update's 'ooo, bit of politics there' section. As previously related, dear blog reader, this blogger doesn't often indulge in too much in-depth political malarkey on From The North - unless it relates to politicians using this blogger's beloved BBC as their own personal punch-bag. But, on this occasion, since the future of the planet seems to be at stake at the moment (in more ways that one), it just seemed appropriate. It's been emotional.
That said, whilst we all stare - aghast - at the goings-on across the Atlantic, it's worth reflecting for a second that things are hardly occurring any more swimmingly over here. What with an out-of-control pandemic, the opening of the country's first 'overflow mortuary', an economy in meltdown, widespread unemployment, the weather deciding to get in on the act, the discovery that Brexit actually does have consequences and the disappearance of Eddie the Raven. Anyway, dear blog reader, on that cheery thought let's get back to our normal programming.
The start of Prodigal Son's second series. Last year's From The North 'curiosity of the year' returned still featuring all of the things which this blogger really enjoyed bout the first series - batshit daft plots, Michael Sheen, Tom Payne' twitchiness - and, indeed, all of things this blogger hated - that bloody awful Young woman. Nevertheless, it's good to have it back. 'Hi, how you doin'?' 'Oh, I'm wonderful. Global pandemic, systemic racism. It's the perfect time to be a young black woman and a cop!'
The start of American Gods third series. It's still struggling to return to the brilliance of the first series (and, without Gillian Anderson it's going to continue to struggle). But, as usual, McShane and Ricky Whittle were great and the soundtrack continues to be the best on telly (this blogger loved the use of 'Gimme Shelter' in this particular episode).
Mark Kermode's Secrets Of Cinema.
Spiral. God, this blogger is going to really miss Engrenages so much in a couple of weeks when it finishes for good.
National treasure Bill Bailey's brilliant comedy stylings on the latest episode of Qi - Rogue - the first of a reported three forthcoming appearances by The Dancing King on the final episodes of Qi's - much delayed - R series.
This blogger ordered Hong Kong-style sweet and sour King Prawn for us tea at the Stately Telly Topping Manor Plague House over the weekend. Because he really deserved it. Then, he ate it whilst watching Ski Sunday on BBC2. Purely so that, when he was filling in his Audience Appreciation Index questionnaire on Monday morning and was asked what he thought of that particular programme, he could say 'it's gone downhill.' Nah, lissun ...
That There Bradley Walsh has responded to news of his replacement on Doctor Who, following his exit from the series earlier this year. Appearing on Monday's episode of The ONE Show, Bradley had nothing but praise for his successor, John Bishop, telling Alex Jones and Amol Rajan: 'I have spoken to Bish a few times, Bishy is a pal of mine and he is going to do fantastic.'
An MP has had his contribution to the House of Commons interrupted for sounding 'like a Dalek.' Although, given that he MP in question happens to be a Conservative, he may be entitled to ask why it was just him who got singled out when about three hundred of his colleagues could also be pulled for the same crime. Just sayin' ...
Yer actual Keith Telly Topping left the safety of the Stately Telly Topping Manor Plague House for the first time in more than a week to do some necessary - government allowed - shopping at Morrisons on Tuesday of this week. He was masked, don't worry. Mind you, he always is when doing his shopping and was, frankly, extremely surprised earlier this week when Morrisons announced that everyone entering one of their stores must, from now on, be wearing a mask. He thought that rule already existed and had done for months.
On the way back home to the Stately Telly Topping Manor Plague House, this blogger picked up a copy of the Metro - because, he couldn't afford to buy a real newspaper - and was delighted to discover interviews with two From The North favourites, Sir Tony Robinson (discussing Maid Marian, Blackadder, Brannigan and being on the Nat King Cole for the majority of his twenties and thirties) and Wor Geet Canny Robson Green (talking about his love for Hadrian's Wall, the joys of ham and pease pudding stotties and filming Grantchester under lockdown conditions).
This week saw yet another gloriously mental Robert & Toyah's Sunday Lunch video release, which you can all enjoy here. Gosh, dear blog reader, this blogger hopes that he looks a tenth as good as Toyah Wilcox currently does if he manages to reach the age of sixty two. That's around six years time so, it's probably touch-and-go ... even if he does survives the current plague.
This blogger's beloved (though, tragically, unsellable and now seemingly relegation-bound) Magpies still haven't sacked Mister Brucie (nasty to see him, to see him nasty). Despite a run of eight games without a win, including being knocked out of both cup competitions and losing to bottom-of-the-table Sheffield United in a performance which, effectively, amounted to surrender before kick-off. One which even Brucie himself described as 'frigging hopeless' and 'absolute shite.' There are, currently, millions of people unemployed in this country, dear blog reader. And Steve Bruce isn't one of them. 'Sad' doesn't begin to cover it.
Still, at least the cricket in Sri Lanka has been highly watchable on Sky Sports (and, a welcome splash of warmth in a cold, cold British winter).
This blogger was - genuinely - somewhat startled by a couple of lines in CBR's review of Thomas Clay's acclaimed period drama Fanny Lye Deliver'd which has been released via video on demand in the US (as The Delivered). 'While the performances of the cast are strong throughout and Maxine Peake does a fine job showing the cracks in Fanny's restrained existence, her small acts of rebellion never seem to add up to the rejection of her oppressive life,' writes Cynthia Vinny. 'I appreciated the strong performances and design elements, but they don’t make up for the slow story, the pedantic arguments about religion or the movie's insistence that the terrible events of the film liberated Fanny.' This blogger's italics in both instances. Listen dear blog reader, sniggering at such things is neither big nor, indeed, clever. No matter how tempting it may be. That's this blogger's story and he's sticking to it.
And finally, dear blog reader, let's finish this rather heavier and more serious bloggerisationisms update than usual with a trio of From The North daft headlines. All three of which deserve a few seconds of your attention. Firstly, there's this one.
And, this one.
And, this one.
Until the next bloggerisationism update, dear blog reader, stay safe and - if you're in the UK - well wrapped-up against the current chilly snap. And, if you're one of From The North's many dear blog readers across the water, try to avoid finding yourself in the middle of any nasty situations next week when President Biden gets to inherit the kingdom and try to deal with the pile of stinking faeces he's been left by his predecessor. He's going to have his work cut out.
Good luck, Mister President. The entire world is counting on you. No pressure ... Though, to be fair, at least he hasn't been banned from Twitter. Yet.
