Monday, April 15, 2013

We Gotta Go!

Yer actual Keeley Hawes, Robert Lindsay his very self and Jessica Raine have joined the cast of BBC2's Line of Duty. The trio will appear alongside Vicky McClure, Martin Compston and Adrian Dunbar when the police drama - which proved to be such a hit on BBC2 last year - returns for a second series. It will be Lindsay's first appearance on the BBC since he started doing those sickeningly arse-licking 'Oooo, aren't Sky totally wonderful, slavver, slavver?' adverts with the big lass out of Gavin & Stacey ... just moments before his own sitcom, Spy, was - deliciously - cancelled by Sky. It's hard not to laugh when stuff like that happens. The BBC have announced that the series - Line of Duty, that is, not Spy - will be comprised of six hour-long episodes focusing on a new police corruption story. [spooks] and Ashes to Ashes icon Hawes will appear as new character, Detective Inspector Lindsay Denton, who is the only surviving police officer after a convoy is ambushed. The actress said: 'I'm thrilled to be joining the cast of Line of Duty, and after reading Jed's incredible scripts I can't wait to take my character on the epic journey he has created for her. I loved the first series, so it's a real pleasure to be part of series two and working alongside such talented actors like Vicky McClure, Martin Compston and Robert Lindsay.' Jed Mercurio, writer and executive producer, added: 'I was thrilled by the success of series one, and I'm hugely grateful for the opportunity to create another six hours of twists and turns as our returning investigators delve into a brand-new story of police corruption.' Simon Heath, executive producer at World Productions, said that the show is 'delighted to be expanding the world of Line of Duty' with the addition of 'three such terrific actors.' The show returns after it become BBC2's biggest new drama series in ten years. The first series averaged 4.2 million viewers. It was recommissioned by BBC2 controller Janice Hadlow. She said that the second series of Line of Duty 'promises to be another riveting thriller.' Filming begins in Belfast later this month. Peter Norris will be producing, with Douglas Mackinnon (who did such a good job of the latest Doctor Who last Saturday) and Daniel Nettheim sharing directorial duties.

Endeavour's first full series launched to strong overnight ratings on ITV on Sunday night. The first proper series of the Inspector Morse prequel, following 2012's one-off pilot, opened to 5.67 million viewers at 8pm. Earlier, Stephen Mulhern's Catchphrase continued to perform well after last week's premiere, with 5.52m tuning in at 6.45pm. Off Their Rockers was watched by 5.45m sad crushed victims of society at 7.30pm. BBC1's Countryfile was the most watched show of the night with 5.69m at 7pm. Antiques Roadshow attracted 4.81m at 8pm. The Village continued to shed some viewers but still brought in a five million plus audience - 5.05m - for its third episode at 9pm. Waste-of-space Davina McCall's Five Minutes To A Fortune attracted just five hundred and sixty thousand punters at 7pm on Channel Four, while the equally banal and pointless The Secret Millions achieved six hundred and fifty thousand at 8pm. BBC3's repeat of Saturday's The Voice secured the highest non-sporting ratings on the multichannels with nine hundred and four thousand viewers at 8pm. BBC4's documentary When Frost Met Bakewell was seen by three hundred thousand punters at 8pm. On Sky1, Hawaii Five-0 had four hundred and twenty thousand at 9pm.

Here's the final, consolidated ratings for the Top Twenty Five programmes week-ending 7 April 2013:-
1 Coronation Street - Mon ITV - 10.19m
2 Jonathan Creek - Mon BBC1 - 8.75m
3 EastEnders - Tues BBC1 - 8.44m
4 Broadchurch - Mon ITV - 8.28m
5 The Voice - Sat BBC1 - 7.58m
6 Ant and/or Dec's Saturday Night Takeaway - Sat ITV - 7.56m
7 Doctor Who - Sat BBC1 - 7.45m
8 Scott & Bailey - Wed ITV - 7.30m
9 Emmerdale - Mon ITV - 6.97m*
10 The Village - Sun BBC1 - 6.85m
11 Countryfile - Sun BBC1 - 6.46m
12 Foyle's War - Sun ITV - 6.35m*
13 The Syndicate - Tues BBC1 - 6.34m
14 Casualty - Sat BBC1 - 6.09m
15 Have I Got News For You - Fri BBC1 - 6.07m
16 Ten O'Clock News - Tues BBC1 - 5.55m
17 MasterChef - Thurs BBC1 - 5.54m
18 The National Lottery: Who Dares Wins - Sat BBC1 - 5.53m
19 Antiques Roadshow - Sun BBC1 - 5.39m
20 BBC News - Sun BBC1 - 5.21m
21 Not Going Out - Fri BBC1 - 5.01m
22 Six O'Clock News - Thurs BBC1 - 5.00m
23= Prisoners' Wives - Thurs BBC1 - 4.79m
23= Off Their Rockers - Sat ITv - 4.79m*
25 Holby City - Tues BBC1 - 4.77m
Programmers marked '*' do not include HD figures.

Meanwhile, on today's exciting edition of 'it just goes to show, doesn't it ...?' Saturday night's episode of Doctor Who, the generally fan-adored Cold War, achieved an audience appreciation index score of eighty four out of one hundred. That's exactly the same - good - score as the previous week's episode, The Rings of Akhaten. Which, if you'd been reading the comments of some fans on certain Interweb message board forum type affairs (including one or two that yer actual Keith Telly Topping greatly respects the opinion of ... but, mostly, plenty that he doesn't) was considered to be, like, a 'Worst! Episode! Ever!, bar none' style contender. Altogether now, 'it just goes to show, doesn't it...?'
Broadchurch creator Chris Chibnall has confirmed that he has been approached to write a new Doctor Who episode. Yer actual Keith Telly Topping imagines many of those same twisty sour-faced fans who so disliked The Rings of Akhaten will be gurning in their porridge at this news since Chibnall is considered by some to be a divisive figure within Doctor Who fandom. Nobody of any consequence, however, is in the slightest bit bothered. Chibnall his very self has previously written five episodes for the BBC family SF drama, with 2012's The Power of Three his most recent. 'I hope to [return for series eight], and Steven been good enough to ask,' the writer told CultBox. 'So we'll just see if all the schedules figure out and stuff like that. But it's always lovely to be on the list.' Chibnall added that it remains 'a privilege and an honour' to write for Doctor Who. 'It's a delight to go in and write a Doctor Who [episode],' he said. 'Steven is a great showrunner to work for, and you always do a Doctor Who if there's time, because you can tell stories you can't tell anywhere else.' A full eighth series of Doctor Who is expected to follow the show's fiftieth anniversary special - to be broadcast in November - and a Christmas special.

ITV 'bosses' - that's tabloid-speak for 'executives', only with considerably less syllables - are reportedly planning to launch a dance show to directly compete with Strictly Come Dancing. Shall We Dance?, which sees six probably z-list, celebrities performing with their 'other halves', is being lined-up to be broadcast in the same slot as the BBC show later this year. The series will be shown at 7pm each Saturday from the end of August, meaning it will go head-to-head with Strictly's launch show in September. An alleged 'source' allegedly told the Daily Lies Sunday: 'ITV has seen Strictly pull in massive ratings for ten years and they want to get in on the action. It's a pretty ruthless move to launch a dance show at the same time of year. The BBC won't like this at all - it could spell the end for their flagship show.' Or, you know, not. The big-budget series was apparently commissioned on Thursday and will run for six weeks. It will likely act as a lead-in for The X Factor, which traditionally launches in August. The alleged 'insider' allegedly added: 'Strictly has regularly aired at the same time as The X Factor in the past. But this year the BBC will have to compete with another dance show. This is bound to ruffle a few feathers.' ITV is said to have secured 'well-known choreographers' for Shall We Dance?, with alleged 'sources' allegedly 'hinting' that former Strictly faceache, horrorshow (and drag) Arlene Phillips 'could be on board.' An alleged ITV 'source' allegedly said: 'Strictly can be a bit old-fashioned' What, and Arlene Phillips isn't? 'We'll have Bollywood one week and street dancing the next. It'll be much more fun.' All of this, remember, is from the Daily Lies. So, as ever, take it with a sack full of salt.

The BBC says an edition of Panorama filmed secretly during a study trip to North Korea is due to be broadcast later as planned despite claims that students may have been put in danger. Three BBC journalists accompanied ten London School of Economics students and spent eight days in the country. The university and its students' union have demanded the corporation withdraw the programme. But the BBC said the film was 'strongly in the public interest.' Alex Peters-Day of the LSE students' union said the programme should be dropped because students were 'lied to' and 'could not give informed consent.' But BBC head of news programmes Ceri Thomas said the North Korean government was the only party the corporation had deceived. 'We have a duty to give enough information to people on a trip like this so they can give us fully informed consent,' he said. 'There were ten students. We told them there would be a journalist on the trip and, if that journalist was discovered, it could mean detention and that it could mean arrest.' Panorama reporter John Sweeney spent eight days inside the country for the programme, travelling with his wife and a cameraman. Thomas admitted the students had initially been told there was one journalist but that, when they were in Beijing before they flew into Pyongyang, they were told there would be three. He said North Korea was 'one of the most oppressive regimes on the planet which is threatening nuclear war in the Korean peninsula.' The 'public interest arguments' for making and showing the programme were 'overwhelming,' he added. He added that three of the students had since asked 'that their images be taken out' and that they would be 'pixellated or blobbed.'

Midsomer Murders has cast Gwilym Lee as a new regular. Lee replaces Jason Hughes, who recently left the ITV drama as Detective Sergeant Jones. The Restless actor will play Charlie Nelson, the new partner of John Barnaby (Neil Dudgeon). 'I am delighted to be joining such a popular and long-running series as Midsomer Murders,' said Lee. 'I have always watched it and can't wait to start work on it now, as a regular character. It's a bit of a dream come true and I am even looking forward to the various stunts that lie ahead of me - I know Barnaby doesn't like jumping into freezing lakes!' Dudgeon added: 'We've met and got on really well and I really look forward to working with him this year. It will be good to bring a new character into the series - and keep Barnaby on his toes.' Dudgeon himself replaced original Midsomer Murders lead John Nettles in 2011. Lee and Dudgeon will start filming five new episodes for the sixteenth series of Midsomer Murders at the end of April for transmission on ITV later this year.

How did Holly Willoughby react to Thursday's Daily Scum Mail rant from Jon Roseman (a 'washed-up agent', according to yer actual Phillip Schofield, who would certainly know all about someone being washed up) condemning her as a 'bimbo' epitomising the sad decline in the IQ of female presenters since the days when he was representing the late Jill Dando and the, sadly, not late Fern Britton? Willoughby could be found in This Morning's cookery segment that day rolling rice balls in her hands and then coating them in breadcrumbs, giggling about it being 'so inappropriate' as she bent down each time towards the camera. Still, the Scum Mail was perhaps a little two-faced in running this bizarre op-ed tantrum from Roseman: it features Willoughby often enough – more than one thousand articles about her can be found on Scum Mail Online, apparently.
A former Coronation Street actor has pleaded not guilty to sexually assaulting a teenage boy. Andrew Lancel, forty two, from Gateacre, Liverpool is accused of six counts of indecent assault on a child under fifteen. The actor, who played Frank Foster in the ITV soap, appeared at Liverpool Crown Court under his real name, Andrew Watkinson. The charges relate to one male victim and the offending allegedly took place between 1993 and 1994, the court heard. Lancel was granted bail until his trial starts on 3 June. The actor appeared in Coronation Street from January 2011 until March 2012.

The BBC has confirmed a new broadcast agreement for Rugby League from 2013 to 2017. The deal with IMG covers the 2013 and 2017 Rugby League World Cups and 2014 and 2016 Four Nations tournaments on TV, radio and online. Director of BBC Sport Barbara Slater said: 'It's very exciting to cap our Rugby League portfolio with the top international tournaments, enabling us to offer audiences the pinnacle events of the sport each year. These add to our already comprehensive coverage, which gives the full narrative of the season. This is a great opportunity to bring Rugby League to a wide audience and showcase the best players in the world through the BBC's multi-platform coverage.' The BBC will cover all of England's group games at the Rugby League World Cup in 2013 on TV and radio, and will also cover a quarter-final, a semi-final and the final at Old Trafford on 30 November.

Lord Sugar-Sweetie is in the running for another BAFTA award, with a nomination for The Young Apprentice in the awkwardly titled 'reality and constructed factual' category. Mischievous Sugar-Sweetie watchers are pure dead hoping that his very Lordship loses to the trust-fund toffs of Made in Chelsea, if only to test how far his enthusiasm for reality TV really extends; infamously when The Only Way Is Essex won its BAFTA despite a chorus of disapproval, he tweeted 'Brilliant! U [sic] have no idea what a smack in face this is for the intellectual snobs lovies [sic] in TV production.'
The Times's restaurant critic Giles Coren is causing trouble again. So, there must be a 'y' in the day, clearly. He dismissed Balthazar, the much-hyped London version of a New York brasserie, as 'the worst food in Europe', and only learned from a Twitter follower that its owner, Keith McNally, had complained to an American food blog about the 'inferiority' of British reviewers ('no one more so than Giles Coren'), opining that they are, to a man (and, presumably, woman) 'a petty, self-regarding, back-stabbing bunch of narcissists.' Typically, Coren - with a scowl on his mush that would match that of his sister when she's off on a rant on Have I Got News For You - was not content with merely hitting back, suggesting McNally was so 'used to having smoke blown up his arse in America, he can't take a bit of plain British honesty'; he also managed a jab at a rival reviewer, the Evening Standard's Fay Maschler, as professionally compromised (Balthazar, he tweeted, had had 'nice reviews from [McNally's] friends, such as Fay'), and at the paper which reported the American's outburst. He hadn't read the article before being told about it, he claimed, because he 'didn't know the Indy was still going.' Saucer of milk for Mister Coren, there.
A male victim of a parking dispute has told police he can only remember what the suspect's cleavage looks like. The incident took place in The Upper Haight, San Francisco, with the female driver allegedly striking the man's car with her own. Police were called after the suspect fled the scene. When asked to give a description of the woman, the man only seemed to note certain physical aspects. Police captain Greg Corrales explained to the San Francisco Examiner: 'The victim was able to describe the suspect as having a low cut dress [and gave a] detailed description of [her] cleavage.' The woman is still at large and authorities have asked anyone with information to get in contact. Urgently. So that they can keep abreast of the situation, no doubt.
Music heard in the very first episode of Doctor Who in 1963 is to be made exclusively available on vinyl as part of this year's Record Store Day. 'Three Guitars Mood 2' is the song that introduces The Doctor's granddaughter Susan, who is listening to it on a hand-held transistor radio when the audience first sees her in the episode An Unearthly Child. It is attributed by her to 'John Smith And The Common Men' and they are the title artists of a three-song EP, Sounds From The Inferno, which is being released on Saturday 20 April on the Hysterion Records label. The back cover of the seven-inch record includes a guide to the hand movements performed to the song by Susan. Gear. The b-side has the tunes 'Latin Gear' and 'The Eyelash', which are two pieces of music heard in The Inferno nightclub in the season three Doctor Who The War Machines. Hysterion Records' Ronnie Shame said: 'These tracks were originally recorded as library music. They appeared in numerous television programmes during the 1960s, but they also have a special association with Doctor Who.' The EP is a numbered limited edition of one thousand copies and will only be available from independent record shops. Copies will be sold on a first-come first-served basis and cannot be pre-ordered or bought online. 'Three Guitars Mood 2' was composed by Nelson and Raymond, performed by The Arthur Nelson Group and originally released on the Conroy label, while 'The Eyelash' and 'Latin Gear' were composed by Johnny Hawksworth and were included on the LP The Mood Modern, brought out on the Keith Prowse Music label.

Thus we come to yer actual Keith Telly Topping's 45 of the Day. And a necessary confession from yer actual Keith telly Topping his very self. Disgracefully, last Thursday (11 April) I carelessly neglected to mention that it was International 'Louie Louie' Day. So, you know, better late than never.