Friday, January 28, 2011

Ritual Ideas Relativity

Hugh Bonneville is to make a guest appearance in the next series of Doctor Who. The Downton Abbey actor will play a pirate captain on the popular, family SF drama, according to the Sun. 'I am thrilled to be appearing in the new series,' Bonneville was quoted as saying. 'When I was a boy, the music and Jon Pertwee's Doctor had me peeking out from behind the sofa every Saturday.' Yer actual Keith Telly Topping was quite surprised by that comment, as I'd figured Hugh would've been well into his teens during the early 70s. So, I checked it up on Wikipedia and, whaddya know he was actually born in November 1963. Which means he's a fortnight younger than this blogger! He continued: 'Although the pirate's demons are different to those of the young lad who watched through his fingers, they are no less terrifying. This new adventure is not for the faint-hearted.' Bonneville later wrote via Twitter: 'No idea what the weather's like on earth this day in 2011 because I am elsewhere, IN THE ACTUAL TARDIS ACTUALLY [sic].' Bless 'im! The actor previously received a BAFTA nomination for his performance in 2001 film Iris and will reprise his role as Robert Crawley in a second series of Downton Abbey later this year. He was also, of course, in Bonekickers, so not everything he's done has been an unsurpassed masterpiece!

Benedict Cumberbatch has stated that Sherlock's success brings him a great deal of pride. Speaking to BBC News at this week's National Television Awards, Cumberbatch claimed that Sherlock's cast and crew have been surprised by the level of public support that the show has garnered. 'We've been overwhelmed by the support and the amount of love for the programme,' he said. The thirty four-year-old actor, who plays the venerable detective Sherlock Holmes, went on to suggest that it made sense for the series' co-creators Steven Moffat and Mark Gatiss to expand author Sir Arthur Conan Doyle's mythos into a modern setting. '[Holmes] was always a modern man. [He was] always into forensic science and always into developing new ideas,' he explained. 'The idea that modern technology could be involved in that sort of modern detective genre where you have an awful lot of procedural and scientific input - it makes sense for a modern man.'

Did anybody else notice Sue Barker using the phrase 'choking during a semi' to Tim Henman in the middle of the Beeb's coverage of Andy Murray's quarter final in the Australian open on Friday? I mean, there've been rumours, sure, but still ...

Four more actors have confirmed their involvement in the next series of Torchwood. Lena Kaur, Danny Szam, Daniel Adegboyega and William Thomas will all appear in the ten-episode series, Miracle Day, according to Spotlight. Former Hollyoaks actress Kaur is listed as playing Dr Alicia Patel in the drama. She previously had the role of Leila Roy on the Channel Four soap and also featured in the BBC3 sketch show Scallywagga. Which was horseshit, just in case anybody's forgotten it. Szam, whose previous credits include Skins, Casualty and Doctors, will play a role credited as 'Surveillance'. Adegboyega, who appeared in the most recent series of [spooks], will play an unnamed guard. Welsh actor Thomas, who previously appeared in a 2007 episode of Torchwood playing Gwen's father, Geraint, will reprise his role for the fourth series. All four will join series regulars John Barrowman, Eve Myles and new additions Mekhi Phifer, Bill Pullman and Lauren Ambrose.

Bruce Forsyth has backed Vernon Kay to be his successor on Strictly Come Dancing. Kay has long been tipped to take over from Forsyth when the veteran entertainer decides to step down from his role as the host of the BBC dance competition. According to the Daily Express, the eighty two-year-old presenter (Brucie, that is, not Big Vern) has now endorsed Kay as his potential replacement. On the subject of who could be the next Strictly host, Forsyth said: 'There have been people bandied around for the past five or six years.' He added: 'I always say Vernon could do a very good job. He would be good. I said that five years ago.' Earlier this week, Kay was reported to have turned down an ITV exclusivity deal in the hope of landing the Strictly presenting role alongside his wife, Tess Daly. However, Forsyth is also apparently keen on another star, who he feels would work perfectly as a like-for-like replacement. 'Brad Pitt could take my place,' he said. 'It's so obvious.'

The second episode of Channel Four's satirical news show Ten O'Clock Live lost more than three hundred thousand viewers on its debut. Despite on-screen improvements as the live show begins to find its feet, the sideways glance at the week's events took a downward turn, with an average audience of 1.08m over the 10pm hour on C4. It was below last week's audience of 1.41m viewers and slipped below the channel's slot average of 1.11m viewers for the past three months. The show - fronted by David Mitchell, Jimmy Carr, Charlie Brooker and Lauren Laverne - was watched by an additional one hundred and thirteen thousand viewers on time-adjusted C4+1. Ten O'Clock Live got underway with a peak audience of 1.42m viewers at 10pm, but this was whittled down to one million at the point Question Time started on BBC1 at 10.35pm. By the end of the show at 11pm, an audience of eight hundred thousand remained watching. Question Time meanwhile pulled in an average audience of 2.92m over the hour from 10.35pm. The show that seems to be suffering most from Ten O'Clock Live's scheduling is BBC2's Newsnight which, for the second week running, suffered in the busy late night schedule, only achieving three hundred and fifty thousand viewers – its lowest audience since March last year.

And now, dear blog reader, because I know that what you all really come for each week is the hoping of getting a huge, massive eff-off list of TV ratings, here's the One Hundred Most Watched TV Shows of 2010 (figures courtesy of BARB)
1 The X Factor Results 17.71m ITV Sun 12 Dec
2 EastEnders 16.41m BBC1 Fri 19 Feb
3 World Cup 2010: England v Germany 15.81m BBC1 Sun 27 Jun
4 Coronation Street 14.75m ITV Mon 6 Dec
5 World Cup 2010: England v Algeria 14.62 ITV Fri 18 Jun
6 Strictly Come Dancing 14.28m BBC1 Sat 18 Dec
=7 I'm A Celebrity ... Get Me Out Of Here! 13.48m ITV Sat 4 Dec
=7 Britain's Got Talent 13.48m ITV Sat 5 Jun
9 Come Fly With Me 12.47m BBC1 Sat 25 Dec
10 Doctor Who 12.11m BBC1 Sat 25 Dec
11 The Royle Family 11.29m BBC1 Sat 25 Dec
12 Downton Abbey 10.77m ITV Sun 7 Nov
13 Gavin And Stacey 10.25m BBC1 Fri 1 Jan
14 Emmerdale 9.96m ITV Thu 14 Jan
15 A Touch Of Frost 9.94m ITV Mon 5 Apr
16 BBC News 9.71m BBC1 Sat 18 Dec
17 The First Election Debate 9.68m ITV Thu 15 Apr
18 Dancing On Ice 9.64m ITV Sun 10 Jan
19 ITV News Headlines 9.63m ITV Mon 5 Apr
20 New Year Live 9.37m BBC1 Fri 31 Dec
21 Children In Need 9.36m BBC1 Fri 19 Nov
22 The Royal Variety Performance 8.90m BBC1 Thu 16 Dec
23 Upstairs Downstairs 8.85m BBC1 Sun 26 Dec
24 The One Ronnie 8.79m BBC1 Sat 25 Dec
25 The Apprentice 8.77m BBC1 Wed 15 Dec
26 BBC News Special 8.73m BBC1 Tue 11 May
=27 Lewis 8.70m ITV Sun 2 May
=27 Sherlock 8.70 31.48 BBC1 Sun 25 Jul
29 Silent Witness 8.56m BBC1 Thu 7 Jan
30 Wild At Heart 8.55m ITV Sun 10 Jan
31 Rock & Chips 8.42m BBC1 Sun Jan 24
32 Five Days 8.36m BBC1 Mon 1 Mar
33 Harry Hill's TV Burp 8.27m ITV Sat 13 Nov
34 New Tricks 8.19m BBC1 Fri 29 Oct
35 Piers Morgan's Life Stories 8.15m ITV Sat 23 Oct
36 Boyzone: A Tribute To Stephen Gately 8.12m ITV Sun 21 Mar
37 Sport Relief 8.07m BBC1 Fri 19 Mar
38 Countryfile’s Autumn Special 8.03m BBC1 Sun 31 Oct
39 The National Television Awards 7.91m ITV Wed 20 Jan
40 Above Suspicion: The Red Dahlia 7.90m ITV Mon 4 Jan
41 International Football: Spain v England 7.86m ITV Wed 3 Mar
42 Total Wipeout Celebrity Special 7.84m BBC1 Sat 2 Jan
43 Film: Shrek The Third 7.80m BBC1 Sat 25 Dec
44 Merlin 7.68m BBC1 Sat 4 Dec
45 UEFA Champions League Live 7.64m ITV Wed 10 Mar
46 Foyle's War 7.63m ITV Sun 25 Apr
47 Casualty 7.60m BBC1 Sat 2 Jan
48 Lark Rise To Candleford 7.49m BBC1 Sun 10 Jan
49 Prime Ministerial Debate 7.43m BBC1 Thu 29 Apr
50 Benidorm 7.41m ITV Sun 26 Dec
=51 Farewell Jack 7.38m ITV Wed 10 Nov
=51 Helping Haiti – Everybody Hurts 7.38m ITV Sun 7 Feb
53 Let's Dance For Sport Relief 7.26m BBC1 Sat 13 Mar
54 Ant & Dec’s Push The Button 7.25m ITV Sat 27 Feb
55 Who Do You Think You Are? 7.22m BBC1 Mon 19 Jul
56 The Little House 7.21m ITV Mon 8 Nov
57 ITV News 7.18m ITV Mon 27 Dec
58 Antiques Roadshow 7.17m BBC1 Sun 21 Feb
59 So You Think You Can Dance? 7.13m BBC1 Sat 9 Jan
60 BBC Sports Personality Of The Year 7.12m BBC1 Sun 19 Dec
61 Celebrity Mastermind 7.07m BBC1 Wed 6 Jan
62 Coronation Strett: Fifty Years, Fifty Moments 7.03m ITV Thu 9 Dec
63 Midsomer Murders 7.02m ITV Wed 10 Feb
64 Ashes To Ashes 7.00m BBC1 Fri 21 May
65 Whitechapel 6.99m ITV Mon 11 Oct
66 Match Of The Day Live 6.98m BBC1 Tue 19 Jan
67 Ten O'Clock News 6.97m BBC1 Tue 5 Jan
68 Over The Rainbow 6.95m BBC1 Sat 22 May
69 Live Who Wants To Be A Millionaire? 6.90m ITV Thu 23 Dec
70 DCI Banks: Aftermath 6.89m ITV Mon 4 Oct
=71 The National Lottery: In It To Win It 6.88m BBC1 Sat 20 Feb
=71 The ONE Show 6.88m BBC1 Wed 13 Jan
=73 Top Gear: Middle East Special 6.84m BBC2 Sun 26 Dec
=73 Hustle 6.84m BBC1 Mon 4 Jan
75 Six O'Clock News 6.79m BBC1 Wed 6 Jan
=76 Holby City 6.77m BBC1 Tue 5 Jan
=76 The Mirror Pride Of Britain Awards 6.77m ITV Wed 10 Nov
78 Outnumbered 6.75m BBC1 Thu 13 May
=79 [spooks] 6.73m BBC1 Mon 20 Sep
=79 Celebrity MasterChef 6.73m BBC1 Thu 19 Aug
81 The Queen's Christmas Message 6.68m BBC1 Sat 25 Dec
82 Toast 6.67m BBC1 Thu 30 Dec
83 Have I Got News For You 6.66m BBC1 Fri 24 Dec
84 Film: Prince Caspian 6.63m BBC1 Fri 24 Dec
85 Jonathan Creek 6.62m BBC1 Sun 4 Apr
86 Joe Maddison's War 6.58m ITV Sun 19 Sep
87 Law & Order: UK 6.53m ITV Mon 18 Jan
88 The Brit Awards 2010 6.52m ITV Tue 16 Feb
89 A Question Of Sport 6.49m BBC1 Fri 8 Jan
90 Married Single Other 6.48m ITV Mon 22 Feb
91 An Audience With Michael Buble 6.47m ITV Sun 23 May
92 Qi 6.46m BBC1 Fri 24 Dec
93 Heartbeat 6.42m ITV Sun 18 Jul
94 My Family 6.40m BBC1 Fri 24 Dec
95 Luther 6.35m BBC1 Tue 4 May
96 Secret Britain 6.33m BBC1 Sun 15 Aug
97 Celebrity Big Brother: The Launch 6.72m C4 Sun 3 Jan
98 Cutting Edge: My Big Fat Gypsy Wedding 6.38m C4 Thu 18 Feb
99 The Gruffalo 6.24m BBC1 Sat 25 Dec
100 Film: Harry Potter Order Of The Phoenix 6.19m ITV Sat 10 Apr
And, if you didn't watch at least sixty per cent of those then, frankly, what the hell are you doing on this blog?! Mind you, that list (and, particularly the Top Ten of it) will come as something of an embarrassment for all of those national newspapers which printed the year's Top Ten TV Shows a couple of week's before Christmas and made such a fuss of their beloved Downtown Abbey being in it. The year doesn't actually end on 16 December as most of them seemed to imagine it did.

Actor and broadcaster Stephen Fry has been given an honorary doctorate at the University of Sussex. He received the honour in recognition for his work campaigning for people with bipolar disorder, mental health problems and HIV. Fry said he 'couldn't be happier or prouder' about being made a doctor in front of one thousand students. He was given his honorary doctorate at a graduation ceremony at the Brighton Dome. Fry was welcomed by comedian and actor Sanjeev Bhaskar, who is also the Chancellor at the University of Sussex. Others getting postgraduate qualifications included Professor David Clary, chief scientific adviser to the Foreign and Commonwealth Office, who was made a doctor of science. Kathy Walker, who is profoundly deaf, received a postgraduate certificate of education to teach maths. Geoffrey Whitfield, seventy seven, who spent a lifetime promoting peace through sport, graduated with a master's in conflict studies. University vice-chancellor Professor Michael Farthing said: 'The university is delighted to recognise the enormous achievements in both the arts and the sciences, as represented by Stephen Fry and Prof David Clary. We are equally proud that the Sussex name will be represented at home and in all parts of the world by our talented and high-achieving graduates.'

Waterloo Road's executive producer Gaynor Holmes has defended the show's National Television Awards triumph, insisting that the victory was 'well deserved.' The BBC1 programme - which centres around life at a comprehensive school in Rochdale - secured the 'Most Popular Drama' prize at Wednesday night's ceremony, beating off competition from Doctor Who, Shameless and Sherlock. Over the past two days, some critics have questioned whether Waterloo Road was a worthy winner and suggested that the result was the biggest surprise of the night. Although to be fair, those two things are not mutually exclusive - it undoubtedly was the biggest surprise of the night (with the possible exception of The Inbetweeners beating Glee on another category) but that doesn't mean that it was undeserved. Indeed, some would probably argue that Waterloo Road's sheer outsiderness made it a great victory for an apparent underdog. Holmes told the Manchester Evening News: 'It was a well deserved award for everyone who works on the show and such an honour to be recognised by the audience in this way.' In a clear reference to the other two BBC shows, nominated for the Drama award, she went on to note that 'Waterloo Road is not a big event drama or a brand new series that grabs a lot of attention. But this is a testament to its continuing popularity.' She continued: 'It has a very loyal fan base and audience, and appeals to a really broad age group. So it's something that people can sit down and watch together as a family. And everyone has been to school, so it's an experience everyone can relate to. We try really hard to reflect real topics and issues affecting schools and education and those involved. So we do research what the current topics and issues are and we try and tap in to the types of things that kids are talking about in the playground.' Holmes also noted that the programme has helped to launch the careers of several young actors, saying: 'A large number of young amazing performers have come through the doors of Waterloo Road, worn the uniform and have gone on to brilliant things.' You don't have to justify yourself to anyone, Gaynor, ignore the moans coming from the direction of Gallifrey Base, and milk it for all it's worth!

Sky Sports is expected to use a revolving roster of its existing presenters to front its live football coverage as it seeks a replacement for Richard Keys, who was forced to resign this week amid a sexism row according to the Gruniad Morning Star. Two of its best known presenters, Jeff Stelling and Ben Shepherd, are expected to be at the front of the queue as the broadcaster hurriedly seeks to reshape its coverage in the short term to cope with the departure of Keys and their star pundit Andy Gray, who got the tin-tack on Tuesday. Before his resignation, Keys in a rambling, barely coherent hour of car crash radio, insisted that there was no 'inherent sexism' at Sky Sports amid persistent allegations of a culture that was bullying and degrading to women. But Gabby Logan, the BBC presenter whom Keys named as one of those he had helped break into television, said that if she was to compare Sky Sports with the corporation and ITV, 'there was much more of a highly charged machismo and sexual banter in the office at Sky.' Writing on her blog, she added: 'I am sure there are many young men and women who have only worked at Sky, who think that is the way it is in TV. My experience says that's not the case. Clearly the bosses at Sky want to change that culture, which is an admirable thing.' Jeremy Darroch, BSkyB's chief executive, said the sexist remarks by Keys and Gray, made off-air but recorded and leaked via newspapers and the web, were 'completely unacceptable. Events last week were particularly disappointing. It goes against everything Sky Sports stands for [which] as a brand and a business has always stood for modernisation. I don't think anyone broadcasts more women's sport than we do … the sort of comments that were made are completely at odds with that.' It is understood that investigations are ongoing into how tapes that sealed the fate of Keys and Gray were leaked but insiders said there was 'no witch-hunt.' So, that would suggest that they're not looking too hard! Julia Keys, meanwhile, criticised the way Sky had handled the departure of her husband and Gray. 'It's really sad. They contributed so much, putting Sky on the map. Whether you like them personally or not, professionally there's very few who would knock them. I feel the wrong two guys were given the red card. It doesn't quite make sense in a way and it's questionable the way it has been handled. I think Sky was offside in the way it handled it.' Yes, ladies and gentlemen, apparently Richard Keys wife did, indeed, use two crass of cack-handed football metaphors when describing the reason why he husband was ushered out of the door for describing a woman is 'it.' I wonder if she fancies a job on their commentary team, she'd fit in perfectly alongside some of the monosyllabic numskulls they've got on there to pass comment.

Al Jazeera hopes to secure the services of Richard Keys and Andy Gray, it has been alleged. Well, yes. I mean, the treatment of women in the arab world is a subject that causes much debate, I'm sure Gray and Keys would add something to it. According to Gray's chief apologist the Mirra, Keys is today scheduled to fly out to Qatar to begin talks over a potential move to the Arabic TV station, which is keen to expand its sports coverage. Keys is expected to be joined on the channel by his longtime friend, Gray, if negotiations are successful. The possible deal would see the duo divide up their time between Qatar and London. Al Jazeera, which recently won the rights to show the next three World Cups across the Middle East and Africa, is already hosted by a number of UK-based sports presenters, including Gary Lineker. This Mirra 'exclusive,' however, appears to be contradicted by a piece in the Daily Lies which suggests that 'Andy Gray and Richard Keys face being thrown onto the TV scrapheap following their departure from Sky Sports over their sexist behaviour.' So, either the Mirra is talking cack and bollocks, or the Lies is. Hmm ... difficult choice. I could go either way on this one.

Ex-Apprentice contestant Katie Hopkins caused controversy by backing the fired Sky Sports duo on the BBC's Question Time on Thursday night. Hopkins rowed with former MP Edwina Currie - which, in and of itself, is pretty understandable - and sparked 'outrage' on Twitter for her comments when she claimed that woman 'couldn't handle' equality. The panel on the politics discussion show were asked if Keys and Gray's firing was appropriate following their sexist remarks about assistant referee Sian Massey. 'I think Sky Sports has completely lost its sense of humour. I think as a nation potentially we have lost our collective sense of humour,' Hopkins told the studio audience. 'I think people like Karren Brady, who have appointed herself patron saint of all things equal, does not speak on behalf of all of the sisterhood. I think women actually don't want equal treatment, they couldn't handle it if they got it, quite a number of them. It's a tough world out there.' She continued: 'What a lot of women are actually asking for - and you can look aghast at this - is special treatment. If you look at all female shortlists for positions, is that equal treatment or is that special treatment? I think what women need to realise is that you have to toughen up, we can't ask for equal pay, you have to be paid on performance and the results you deliver. It's a tough world out there and I don't think Karren Brady or any others are doing us any favours by putting this sort of debate out there. I think we have to just compete in what is a tough world. And finally, I think the art of banter is something we should be proud of as a nation. I worked for a while in the military and our forces, the best in the world in my opinion, they survive in banter. I think we need to keep that, we need to look after it.' Hopkins also added that nobody was interested in watching women's football - though everyone that does can feel free to disagree with her at this point - and that people would not pay to watch it. Writer Grace Dent mocked Hopkins's comments on the show, writing on Twitter: 'How do you get on Question Time when you're as thick as Katie Hopkins? Do they just search the web for trolls and send a minicab?' Meanwhile, Hopkins' fellow Apprentice rent-a-quote Stuart Baggs added: 'Loving how Katie Hopkins pauses for applause once she's finished speaking - awkward!'

Beth Riesgraf is to make a guest appearance in an upcoming episode of NCIS. TV Guide reports that the actress will play Maxine Edwards, an online gamer who becomes the prime suspect in a murder enquiry. The character will encounter Gibbs (Mark Harmon) and his team following a quarrel with her ex-boyfriend, who is subsequently killed and dismembered, but will develop a close relationship with McGee (Sean Murray). Riesgraf currently stars as Parker on the superb TNT con artist drama Leverage and has previously featured in episodes of Without a Trace, My Name Is Earl and How I Met Your Mother.

Bones actor David Boreanaz has dropped hints about what will happen in the show's forthcoming sniper storyline. In this week's episode of the forensic drama, it emerged that Booth's former acquaintance Jacob Broadsky (played by Arnold Vosloo) was the person who shot serial killer the Gravedigger. Speaking to TV Line, Boreanaz suggested that Booth previously looked up to Broadsky. 'He's someone who Booth is proud of, somebody that he has respected and learned from in the past,' he said. 'He knows he's a good guy, but he's kind of gone the wrong way.' Boreanaz continued: 'Booth is just looking to answer two questions - Why? And how could somebody do this? Now he might have to take him out - with his own gun - and that should be interesting to see.'

Sir Elton John has launched a stinging attack on reality television and EastEnders. The sixty three-year-old singer criticised TV talent shows for the poor standard of contestants and then turned on EastEnders for being 'full of misery.' When asked what gets on his nerves, John told ShortList: 'Reality TV shows. I really hate them. Full of fucking mediocre fucking wannabes.' He went on to add: 'We see enough misery in the newspapers every day without having to tune in to some poor cnut boiling an egg in EastEnders and having his fucking head chopped off because his wife doesn't like him. Oh fuck off, there's so much misery around. We're addicted to misery in this country. Fucking EastEnders.' Highly articulate rant that, Reg! However, the singer admitted that he is happy about one thing. 'I'm glad to see the M4 bus lane's gone,' he said. 'Fucking brilliant.'

Konnie Huq has said that she expects to return to The Xtra Factor, but has admitted that her position is not certain. Huq, who took over the spin-off show role last year, said that nothing has been confirmed about the 2011 run, yet she remains upbeat about working on the programme again. Speaking on the red carpet at the National Television Awards, Huq told reporters: 'Well they are chopping everything around. As far as I'm concerned at the moment, yes [I will be back]. But you just don't know what will happen in this weird and wonderful world of television.' Caroline Flack, Emma Willis and F Factor presenter Matt Edmondson have been tipped to replace Huq if she doesn't remain in the job.

Victoria Wood wishes she didn't have to write every role she plays herself, saying: 'I would be so flattered if someone actually thought of me doing something else.' Well, as it happens Victoria, I've got this idea I've been tinkering away with for a while. It's all about a full-of-her-own-importance comedianne, way past her prime, who thinks she's far funnier than she actually is. Whaddya reckon, too autobiographical?

Rosamund Pike has said that she is not a nudist or an exhibitionist. Which is interesting, if slightly disappointing, to know, frankly. The Die Another Day actress was asked by Metro about previous reports that she is a fan of skinny dipping. Pike said: 'I'm a fan of water in general. I can't go past a lake or a piece of water without getting into it. I'm not a nudist or an exhibitionist but if I haven't got a bikini, I'll go in without a bikini.' She added: 'There are some beautiful places in the Lake District. I've been swimming in western Scotland, which was freezing. There was a lake when we were filming Pride & Prejudice. I don't even know if I was allowed to go in it. I probably wasn't.'

Dame Judi Dench has confirmed that she will reprise her role as M in the twenty third James Bond movie. Speaking at the South Bank Sky Arts Awards, Dench revealed that she will portray the secret agent's boss for the seventh time but declined to give away any details about the latest 007 outing. 'My lips are sealed. I can't tell you anything at all I'm afraid!' she said. Dench, who first played the character in Pierce Brosnan's GoldenEye, added that the latest Bond will mark the first time she has worked with her former theatre director Sam Mendes on a film. 'Of course, I'm looking forward hugely to working with Daniel [Craig] again and with Sam [Mendes] who I've only ever worked with in the theatre,' she said. 'So that'll be all good fun to do! I'm so glad it's coming back, it's wonderful.'

Paul McCartney has told James Corden that he is too fat to go to Africa in aid of Comic Relief. Sir Paul said that Corden was 'a bloater,' adding: 'People don't like seeing tubby people over in Africa. If they hadn't eaten so much, no one would be starving.' Quite right, Macca. Sadly, this was all in a sketch – which Corden himself had written – in aid of Red Nose Day. So, it'll be hugely unfunny then, as with just about everything else that oaf has ever been involved in. Corden, that is, not McCartney, he's capable on writing a few decent tunes if prodded.

A man has been banned from a bar in Hungary after reportedly trying to steal its condom machine. According to Metro, Miklos Antal was caught trying to hide the machine under his jacket on his way out of the Nyiregyhaza venue. Antal reportedly told the police that he had 'met a hot girl at the bar and needed condoms for later' but claimed that he was low on money. 'So I thought I'd solve both my problems at once,' the twenty eight-year-old added. The man was given a lifetime ban from the establishment after locals notified the authorities.

Gladys Horton, co-founder of Motown group The Marvelettes, has died at the age of sixty six. The band were signed to Berry Gordy's Tamla label and had a US number one single with 'Please Mr Postman' in 1961, released when Horton - who took lead vocals on the song - was just fifteen years old. Her son, Vaughn Thornton, said that she died on Wednesday in a nursing home in Sherman Oaks, Los of Angeles, where she had been recovering after a stroke. Born in Gainesville, Florida, Gladys was raised in the Detroit suburb of Inkster by foster parents. By the time of her high school years at Inkster High School on Middlebelt Road, Gladys had taken a strong interest in singing, joining the school glee club. In early 1961, the fourteen-year-old formed a group with school friends Georgeanna Tillman, Katherine Anderson and Juanita Cowart. Soon afterwards, they invited Georgia Dobbins to join the group. Horton was replaced as lead singer in 1965 and eventually left the group in 1967. The Marvelettes originally named themselves The Casinyets - short for 'Can't sing yet.' After entering a high school talent contest, the group - now called the Marvels - won an audition with Tamla founder Berry Gordy and the label's main star Smokey Robinson. They changed their name to The Marvelettes and released 'Please Mr Postman' later the same year. The song was subsequently covered by three quarters of the British beat boom during 1963-64, most notably by The Beatles on their second LP. The Marvelettes went on that have numerous other hits for the label include some of yer actual Keith Telly Topping's very favourite Motown chartbusters, 'Beechwood 4-5789', 'He's A Good Guy (Yes He Is)', 'Too Many Fish in the Sea', the astonishing 'I'll Keep Holding On', 'Don't Mess With Bill' and and their glorious finale 'The Hunter Gets Captured By The Game'.

Today's three slices of yer actual Keith Telly Topping's 45(s) of the Day are somewhat of a mixed bag. But, each in their own different way, magnificent. Firstly, in tribute to dear departed Gladys, here's one I made earlier. Secondly, as reported earlier in the week, B.A.D. have reformed for a tour - which yer actual Keith Telly Topping is very much hoping to get a ticket for. So, it's right about high time this little gem was given another airing. Video directed by Nic Roeg, incidentally. Which, given that the song features samples from one of his finest movies, is rather fitting. 'You're Jack that Laaaad!' Finally, a song which reminds us what a bloody fantastic little combo The Human League were. And, long before half of them became Heaven 17 and Phil and the other one discovered girls and disco as well! Totally worth it, not only for 'Empire State Human' itself of course, but also for the spectacular perm sported by Andy Batten-Foster when introducing it on a now long-forgotten BBC arts show called Mainstream. Tall, tall, tall, as big as a wall, wall, wall!