Thursday, November 11, 2010

Why Don't You Get Back Into Bed?

Adrian Chiles has revealed that it has been 'a nightmare' for him to change his sleeping hours to present Daybreak. well, you took the job in the first place, you greedy sod, don't whinge about it. I'm sure many people who have to get up early in the morning to go and work in a factory or a coal mine or a shop would like to be paid the four million quid you're reportedly getting from ITV. I'm sure their collective heart effing bleeds for you, pal. The host - who recently secured his own Sunday Night chat show in addition to his Daybreak duties - said that he is finding it impossible to get into a regular sleeping pattern. According to the Sun, Chiles has to get up to host the ITV breakfast show at 3am every morning. He said: 'It's been a nightmare because I haven't been able to sleep during the day. Now that's changed and I can't get up in the morning.' The presenter also defended Daybreak's disappointing ratings and pinpointed a slight upturn in recent viewing figures as a sign that more people will soon return to the show. He said of the programme: 'We're very proud of it.'

There will be no Qi in BBC1 - boo! - next Friday because of Children in Need. But, by a way of compensation, the following day BBC2 will be showing one of the three 'missing' Qi: XL episodes, Horrible, featuring Chris Addison, Sean Lock and Dara O'Briain. Hurrah! Whether the other two unbroadcast episodes of XL will be schedules for gaps later in the year or whether, like four of the previous series' episodes (Hypothetical and this week's House and Home) we'll have to wait for a year until Dave start showing them is, at this time, unknown.

Steven Moffat has promised to reveal the true identity of River Song in the next series of Doctor Who. The writer told New York Magazine that he is currently writing the episode where River Song's true intentions towards The Doctor are made clear. 'Well, you will find out who she is and what's going on and how it all makes sense. And that will explain a number of things,' he said. 'I'm writing the episode right now where The Doctor finds out who she is. We're not just going to endlessly tease.' Moffat also admitted that he is reluctant to kill off any of the long-running drama's popular characters. He explained: 'In the old series, they did off a couple of them. I'm not saying we'll never do it, but it's not that kind of a show. It's not gritty. It's kind of a lovely, life-affirming, optimistic show without a cynical bone in its body. It's almost odd when you see it in competition with things like Battlestar Galactica, and you think, 'Well that's not us at all." We're the story of a wonderful man from space who can travel in a telephone box! But I'm not guaranteeing I won't kill someone in the future!'

Doctor Who's Matt Smith and his assistants returned to Cardiff to switch on the Christmas lights on Wednesday evening. He was joined by Karen Gillan and Arthur Darvill, who play his companions Amy Pond and Rory Williams. The trio are currently filming the show's next series - much of which is shot in and around Cardiff. Smith said: 'It's a real honour to be asked to switch on Cardiff's Christmas lights because the city has become like a second home to not only me, but the rest of the Doctor Who production team. We love filming here in Wales and we even managed to get into the festive spirit extra early this year when filming the Doctor Who Christmas special in August. Cardiff is a great city and I'd like to thank all of its residents for being so welcoming and accommodating.'

Claudia Winkleman was forced to apologise after a bad naughty swear word was accidentally broadcast on Film 2010. At least one assumes it was an accident, it could have been someone’s idea of a reet good laugh, like. The 'technical fault' (ho-hum) happened on Tuesday night's edition of the movie review show as Winkleman and co-host Danny Leigh were discussing new Kristen Bell comedy You Again. Another voice was heard, which, according to the Sun, said: '"Are you scared of his fans?" And, I'm like, "No, I couldn't give a fuck about a load of..."' It is believed the outburst came from someone backstage and was picked up by an external microphone. Later in the show, Winkleman said: 'Can I just say I'm really sorry, because I think there was a technical difficulty.' Well, it wasn't your fault, pet. Although I'm pretty sure the Daily Scum Mail will, somehow, manage to suggest that it was.

Former BBC1 controller Jay Hunt has denied that she 'hates women' at the tribunal of an ex-presenter seeking compensation for alleged sex and age discrimination. Hunt said that the claims - attributed to an ex-colleague by former Countryfile presenter Miriam O'Reilly - were 'entirely and categorically' untrue. O'Reilly was dropped when the rural news show moved to a prime-time Sunday evening slot in 2009. The BBC has denied that the presenter was axed because of her age or her sex. Last week O'Reilly claimed that one of the other presenters dropped from the show had told her the decision was 'ageist.' The presenter in question, Juliet Morris, allegedly went on to say it was made 'because Jay Hunt hated women.' At a London tribunal on Wednesday, Hunt said this was 'entirely and categorically untrue' as well as 'profoundly distressing and utterly offensive. I am a forty three-year-old woman,' she went on. 'I have had my own difficulties surviving this industry. For that reason, the last thing I would ever do is ever discriminate against anyone on the basis of gender or age. Nothing could be further from my mind.' The former BBC1 boss, who has now joined Channel Four, said that many women who work in the industry have since contacted her to show their support. O'Reilly lost her job on Countryfile ahead of its move to Sunday evenings. In a witness statement given to the tribunal, O'Reilly said that director Dean Jones had told her in 2008 that the introduction of high definition could be 'crunch time' for her career. The remark, she said, had 'sent a shiver down my spine. I do not believe that a man would be asked about his wrinkles nor offered hair dye,' she added. The tribunal continues.

Gail Porter has reportedly been replaced by Playboy model Kayla Collins on I'm A Celebrity ... Get Me Out Of Here! Porter was earlier this week named as one of the twelve alleged 'celebrities' expected to be taking part on the upcoming series of the jungle-based reality show. And, in Gail's case, that description could, just about, be thought of as accurate. However, according to 'sources', Porter pulled out of the competition on Tuesday night shortly after the leaking of the list of contestants 'without giving much of a reason,' according to the Sun. Maybe she just didn't fancy eating worms for the entertainment of an audience of baying, sick voyeurs. It's possible. An 'insider' allegedly said that the thirty nine-year-old was 'all set to go,' but added: 'Then she said "no." Often people pull out when they realise exactly how tough it's going to be.' And, when they think about the prospect of eating worms for the entertainment of an audience of baying sick voyeurs. Producers are said to have chosen the twenty three-year-old American model Collins as Porter's replacement. Collins was named Playboy's 'Playmate of the Month' in August 2008. A source said of Collins: 'By the end of next week she'll be the star. She's young and feisty and she's no airhead - even if that's how she comes across sometimes.' And, presumably, she had an enormous pair of conkers to boot. Something else appreciated by an audience of baying sick voyeurs. And, indeed, by plenty of other people besides. I may watch. Following the leak of twelve names in the Sun on Tuesday, ITV eventually confirmed that ten contestants would take part in the 2010 series. Dom Joly and ex-Big Brother person Alison Hammond who were named in the Sun story were not among those confirmed by ITV although it is rumoured that they may join the show later in the series.

Nigel Havers' wife is reported to be furious that he has agreed to take part in I'm A Celebrity. The fifty nine-year-old's partner Georgina has fled to Africa so that she won't have to watch Havers facing bushtucker trials and living in the jungle. Speaking about her anger, the actor: 'My wife is furious I am doing it. She said, "might not be back when you come out." She did everything she could to dissuade me not to do it. She can't believe I am that stupid. She thinks actors are pretty stupid. We just don't talk about it. She is going to Africa when this is happening.' Explaining his reasons for taking part, Havers said 'his is the end of a crazy year for me. Nobody like me has ever done it before and it strangely appealed to me. It is a challenge and it will surprise people. I have just finished doing Coronation Street, which I loved and now I am doing this. I thought I would do a year of surprising people before I go back to doing straight theatre.' He added: 'I am not looking for work. I have got work lined up and I am just looking for an experience.'

Miranda Hart has claimed that she has a depressive side to her personality. The writer and star of BBC2's Miranda told Stylist that there was some truth to the cliché of the sombre comedian. Hart said: 'There's a lot of talk about comedians being depressed and I think, in many cases, it's absolutely true. I definitely have that side to my personality - naturally my glass is half-empty, so I make a conscious effort to keep the positive attitude going. For me, writing has been a way out of feeling blue. Adult life can be quite tedious; getting the car serviced can send me into a deep decline! So I'd rather make up a more fun existence. It's exciting to regress to a childlike state.' Asked about her recent 'Best Comedy Performance' prize from the Royal Television Society, she added: 'I think TV Awards are pretty pointless, to be honest but it does feel amazing to know that industry people like the show because I didn't think they would. I met Stephen Fry the other day and he said he was a big fan - I didn't expect praise form such clever, edgy people!'

Keith Olbermann has claimed that he was not told that he had been suspended from MSNBC. The Countdown With Keith Olbermann host was taken off the air indefinitely without pay last week after it was revealed that he had made personal contributions to three Democratic political candidates in violation of NBC rules. He and the show were then reinstated and returned to air on Tuesday night. In a letter released by Olbermann representatives and obtained by E! Online, Olbermann accepted no responsibility in the incident, insisting that he 'mistakenly violated an inconsistently applied rule - which [he] previously knew nothing about.' He also took issue with the methods via which his punishment was handed down. 'I was suspended without a hearing, and learned of that suspension through the media,' he said in the statement. 'You should also know that I did not attempt to keep any of these political contributions secret; I knew they would be known to you and the rest of the public.' He added: 'I did not make them through a relative, friend, corporation, PAC or any other intermediary, and I did not blame them on some kind of convenient "mistake" by their recipients. I immediately volunteered to explain all this, on air and off, in the fashion MSNBC desired.'

Coronation Street bosses have explained the decision to make the late Vera Duckworth appear to her dying widower Jack, saying it reflected real accounts of people's final moments. Eleven million viewers tuned-in on Monday to watch Corrie stalwart Jack, played by Bill Tarmey, share a last dance with Big Vera (Liz Dawn) before dying in his chair after three decades on the show. Discussing the inclusion of Vera in the scene, producer Phil Collinson said: 'It's something I've heard a lot. People say, "When my mother was dying she saw my father," or "When my grandmother was dying she said she saw her mother." It's a story I've heard a few people say. We're storytellers at the end of the day. Yes it's Coronation Street and yes it reflects real life, but we're storytellers. I suppose a little romantic in me would like to imagine that somebody comes at the end for us all who we love. And it somehow made Jack's exit so much more epic and about more than just a man who lived in a back street, and yet that's all it was about.' The producer made his comments at a screening and discussion panel at the BFI Southbank in London to mark the soap's fiftieth anniversary. The show's creator, Tony Warren, echoed Collinson's remarks and said his own father claimed to have seen his departed parents shortly before he died in hospital. 'I went home and said to my mother, "I think we should make up our mind he's not going to come out." And he didn't. He died that night,' Warren said. Corrie's executive producer Kieran Roberts said he would be surprised if anyone thought it was the wrong decision to reunite Jack and Vera on-screen. He added: 'I think it was absolutely right that at the end of Jack's life it was Jack and Vera. They're one of the great television couples. I think it was the right thing to see them together in his final moments.' Personally, yer Keith Telly Topping thought it was a brilliant creative decision which felt right emotionally, was beautifully played and shot and made absolute sense on every level. The fact that, technically, that one scene now makes fifty years worth of Coronation Street, officially, into a Telefantasy show is a small, additional bonus!

Senior executives from Channel Four and Channel Five have rubbished claims made by ITV management that advertising restrictions have pushed the broadcaster into 'a ratings rat race' which forces it to concentrate on 'lowest common denominator' programmes. The ITV chief executive, Adam Crozier, and chairman, Archie Norman last week told the Lord's communications committee that Contracts Rights Renewal, which governs ITV's advertising, was responsible for 'a remarkable lack of diversity' in its schedule and focus on mass-market shows. The CRR, remember, being something that ITV had actually asked to be imposed in 2003, to deal with advertisers' concerns about the merger of Carlton and Granada to form ITV. The pooling the two main ITV franchise holders into one firm created a TV advertising Goliath with more than half of the market, and CRR was designed - with ITV's full support - to stop the merged business abusing its dominant position. Anne Bulford, chief operating officer at Channel Four, speaking before the same committee as Crozier and Norman, responded that the basis of ITV's business model is to focus on attracting massive audiences, and that CRR's introduction was being used as a scapegoat. 'Some of the trends in [ITV's] schedule, such as more episodes of successful soaps, predates CRR,' she said. 'The trend toward schedules with more peaks in them has always been there.' Martin Stott, head of regulatory affairs at Channel Five, said ITV's argument does not hold water as there has probably been a narrowing of the range of programming across all the main terrestrial broadcasters because the market is much more competitive, with hundreds of channels, which has hit revenue. 'That has had more impact on our programme decisions, and ITV's, than anything else,' added Stott. He said that there was no guarantee that ITV management would spend any more money on original programming if the broadcaster was freed from CRR. The executives appeared before peers including Lord Bragg, the former ITV controller of arts and presenter of The South Bank Show, who said it was 'not a negligible argument' that ITV's investment and schedule had been affected. Bragg accused the broadcaster's commercial rivals of being 'very cosy' with the status quo. 'I wonder if it [CRR] needs to be opened up, looked at, made a bit rougher so the whole thing moves forward,' he said. Channel Five's sales chief Kelly Williams said that the broadcaster, which tends to face the toughest negotiations with media agencies for advertising budgets as the smallest commercial terrestrial broadcaster, would like to see some form of 'son of CRR' introduced. 'An unintended consequence of CRR has been to, effectively, bind the industry to share deals, it is not good for the industry,' he added. 'We think CRR in its current format should change, but the market needs to be protected, as a small player we feel we need protection. We want to unshackle ourselves from share deals.'

It's another day, dear blog reader and, therefore, by the law of nature, that must mean Jimmy McGovern is whinging about something else. The Cracker writer has suggested that all American dramas are 'over-rated.' Some might consider this to be a quite staggering over exaggeration from a man who, already this week, has dissed crime drama, historical drama, Doctor Who, the BBC compliance unit and Manchester United. Speaking to the Radio Times, McGovern explained that he has never been impressed by US shows. What, not even The Sword of Justice with Dack Rambo? Blimey. Harsh. 'I think they're all over-rated,' he said. 'I couldn't get into The Wire and everybody told me it was great. I was watching it and I thought Bugsy Malone - these guys are talking about things, but they never convinced me they had experienced the emotions they were describing. It was never authentic for me at all.' However, he added: 'I tend to be bitter and twisted.' No shit, Sherlock! And, to think, you hide it so well. 'It's jealousy as well because everyone raves about American dramas. And me and Paul Abbott and Guy Andrews and people like that are working their bollocks off - we are paupers compared with these guys.' Dear blog readers might be wondering if there's anything that Jimmy McGovern actually does like. Well, seemingly, there is. Himself. McGovern also revealed that he is generally happy with British television, but said: "I'm being commissioned so of course I'm going to say everything's wonderful and there's loads of stuff I watch and admire.' Just not crime drama, historical drama, Doctor Who, Match of the Day when it features Manchester United ... et cetera, et cetera, et cetera. Tune-in tomorrow for the next exciting instalment of What Jimmy Hates.

Meanwhile, the British actor Dominic West, star of The Wire (which Jimmy McGovern doesn't like ... did he happen to mention that recently?), is to appear in a new BBC2 drama, set in a 1950s news room. The Hour follows the launch of a topical news show in London set against the backdrop of a mysterious murder. West will play Hector Madden, the programme's upper-crust, charismatic front man. Atonement's Romola Garai and Bright Star's Ben Whishaw will also appear in the six-part series, to be broadcast next year. Whishaw will play an outspoken journalist, Freddie Lyon, while Garai will play Bel Rowley, the show's ambitious boss. The series is being created by Abi Morgan, BAFTA-winning writer of Sex Traffic and White Girl. 'The combination of Ben Whishaw, Romola Garai and Dominic West gives us one of the most exciting casts for a British TV series in years,' said Ben Stephenson, controller of drama commissioning. 'Our trio crackle with sexual frisson and will bring 1950s London to life with style and complexity,' he added. Yer Keith Telly Topping likes the sound of that one. Jimmy McGovern, however, said that it was 'likely to be crap' because, 'I didn't write it.' Allegedly.

Dermot O'Dreary has claimed that his quotes about last week's X Factor have been taken out of context by the Sun newspaper. The tabloid lead with the headline Dermot: It Was Rigged, following his admission that the producers were aware that Cheryl Cole would choose to abstain from selecting one of her acts to send home. O'Leary revealed that he had spoken with the production team about the possibility Cole would refuse to pick either Katie Waissel or Treyc Cohen and said that they had agreed if such a thing did happen they would go to a majority verdict from the panel, rather than let her vote last and send it to deadlock. The newspaper implies that the production team were aware Waissel had got less votes from the public than Cohen and wanted to keep her in. It suggests that this was the reason why the producers asked Cole for her vote second, rather than last, as has been the case traditionally when a judge has two acts in the sing-off. However, in a statement on Twitter, O'Dreary has clarified his remarks and denied that there is any sort of 'plot' on the ITV show. 'Just thought I'd clear up the Sun story. Bless them. Wrong end of the stick, as always. No "plot" as quoted,' he said. 'We never know which way the judges are going to vote. Ever. The only thing I know is who's in the bottom two when I'm given the card. I don't know which judge to go to until I'm called, and the judges, including Simon, don't know the vote or who we're coming to next. It's that simple.' Meanwhile, in a new statement about the rules of the show, the X Factor team have insisted that Cole broke no rules in choosing not to pick an act. 'A judge can abstain from placing a vote,' said a show rep. 'Cheryl made it clear that she would not send anyone home and therefore abstained from voting. 'Dermot went back to her to clarify that it was going to go to a majority vote if she did that. Cheryl was unable to take the vote to deadlock as deadlock requires a valid active vote.'

Christopher Eccleston has admitted that he doesn't like watching himself on television. The actor explained that he doesn't feel comfortable judging his performances. 'I try to avoid watching myself,' he told TV Choice Magazine. 'I know when I've delivered the goods or not, and if I've not delivered the goods for whatever reason, I just don't watch it - why put myself through it?' He continued: 'It's not false modesty, and it's not neurotic, it's just a fact. If you're in something, you can't judge it because you know exactly what's going to happen. And also, you know yourself - you hear your voice on a tape machine, you watch yourself on a family video, I bet you're pretty critical of yourself. Well, actors are exactly the same. So if I can possibly avoid it, I avoid it.'

The stars of Channel Four's Alternative Election Night have signed up for a new topical comedy show. David Mitchell, Jimmy Carr, Lauren Laverne and King Charlie Brooker will reunite for the weekly series Ten O'Clock Live. The one-hour show, which will run for fifteen weeks, will see the comedians examine current news and events. It will be filmed live and the group will be joined by a range of studio guests. 'What a thrill it will be to broadcast live to the nation with my three favourite television fellows,' Laverne said. Including Jimmy Carr? Lauren, I always though you had some actual taste. 'I anticipate incisive comment, intriguing content and solid gold LOLs. I can't wait!' The Lord of Smugness, Carr himself added: 'It's an hour of live TV once a week on Channel Four. I heard Ofcom have set up a panic room. It might save everyone a lot of time and energy if I just apologise and resign now.' Channel Four's comedy and entertainment commissioning editor Darren Smith said: 'The success of the Alternative Election Night proved that there is an appetite for a show that mixes comedy and the news agenda together in a way that produces genuine insight as well as laugh-out-loud moments. Ten O'Clock Live will provide a fresh and unashamedly intelligent take on current affairs from a young perspective.'

The [spooks] finale on Monday was the highest-rated episode of the current series after the opener (which, incidentally, follows the pattern of the 2009 season). Series nine of the popular espionage drama has averaged 5.21 million in the overnights, which is an increase of almost half-a-million from the previous year. And its time shifted figures have been regularly pulling in close to a million additional viewers. No wonder it got recommissioned.

The BBC have responded to criticism from Strictly Come Dancing fans about the current results show format. The corporation confirmed that complaints had been received from 'a number' viewers who are 'unhappy' that there is no dance-off between the two lowest-scoring couples any longer. Instead, the couple with the lowest combined viewers' and judges' scores is automatically eliminated. 'By removing the dance-off we are going back to basics,' it was said in an official response. 'This was the original Strictly format - the couple with the lowest combined points leaves the competition. Strictly Come Dancing is an entertainment dance show and audiences will vote for who entertains them the most on a Saturday night - whether that be a couple who dances superbly, or a couple who dances to the best of their ability and brings [the] most enjoyment and amusement. Taking the decision away from the judges as to who stays or goes gives our viewers the power of the final say.' That does, sort of, render the judges' position somewhat redundant in that case. Which, hell, I wouldn't have a problem with. Anything which deprives Alesha Dixon of gainful employment is all right as far as this viewer in concerned but, if the argument is, 'it's all about the viewers,' then why bother with a judging panel at all? The broadcaster claims that the format allows the pre-recorded programme, hosted by Tess Daly and Claudia Winkleman, to increase 'suspense' for the viewers as they wait for the results. 'The Strictly Come Dancing results show is now shorter than last year and has the results threaded throughout the show,' the statement continued. 'We believe this allows the viewers to enjoy even more suspense as to who will stay and who will go. It also allows viewers a chance to get reactions from the couples throughout the show, those safe and those in the bottom two, which we have never been able to do before as the elimination was at the very end of the show.'

90210 actor Trevor Donovan is to make a guest appearance in an upcoming episode of CSI. The website reports that the actor will play 'a handsome beefcake' who takes the role of a Spartan in a casino event. Donovan's character will encounter Nick y(George Eads) when he is attacked and robbed of his costume. The episode, titled Man Up, will follow the CSI team as they investigate a seemingly fake picture of a dead prostitute, only to discover that the murder is, actually, genuine.

Arlene Tur is to join the cast of the upcoming fourth series of Torchwood in a recurring role. Deadline reports that the actress will play surgeon Vera Juarez, a new character first announced late last month. Tur previously played police officer Bebe Arcel on Starz drama Crash and has also made guest appearances on Lie To Me and Grey's Anatomy. It was also reported in October that One Tree Hill veteran Chad Michael Murray and Dollhouse actor Enver Gjokaj were being considered for the regular role of CIA agent Rex Matheson, but both actors are no longer believed to be in the running. James Wolk, the lead actor in FOX's recently cancelled drama Lone Star, is also said to have turned down the part of Rex.

Television licence fee payers should not have to pay for BBC World Service programmes they cannot receive, former culture secretary Ben Bradshaw has said. What the Ben Bradshaw? The same Ben Bradshaw that spent two and a half years as lack of culture secretary taking every opportunity he could find to screw the BBC with their pants on? That Ben Bradshaw? Seriously? And now he's, what, the BBC's bestest friend in all the land, that am? Well it's a bit too late for that, Benji, you sodding hypocrite. Let this be an important lesson to us all, dear blog reader. Yer Keith Telly Topping dislikes the coalition government as much as anyone in this country. But never, for a second, forget that the last government - a regime I voted for, four times - were just as big a bunch of say-anything-to-get-a-gig scum as the current lot. A pox on all their houses.

Fiona Phillips has claimed that ITV's Daybreak has lost sight of who it is meant to appeal to. The former GMTV presenter told Radio 2 that she did not think hosts Adrian Chiles and Christine Bleakley were the problem for viewers. Oh, they are love. Trust me. 'I think it's lost touch with its audience,' she said. 'I think it doesn't know who its audience is. It's core audience is housewives and children and I don't think they're appealing to that audience.' The breakfast shows ratings dipped as low as five hundred thousand at one point. On the subject of the presenters, Phillips commented: 'I love Christine and Adrian, I have to say. They're not being given the tools I think.'

A new 'psychic octopus' has reportedly tipped Dannii Minogue to be the mentor of this year's winning X Factor act. According to the shopping comparison website, Kelkoo, Ollie the Octopus has predicted that one of Mingoue's Boys category will be victorious. Ollie was - allegedly - born at the Sea Life Centre in Weymouth in the same tank as his renowned cousin Paul the Psychic Octopus, who died last month. Kelkoo marketing manager Joe Cross said: 'Working with Ollie the Octopus was a bundle of fun and given his psychic lineage, we couldn't think of a better way to predict the UK Christmas best-sellers this year. From the X Factor, to Hollywood, to Silicon Valley, Ollie's discerning tentacles know no bounds and his mystic insight into which products are set to sink or swim this Christmas are certainly set to add spice to the sales race over the festive period.' Ollie predicted this year's winning X Factor mentor by choosing a piece of mackerel from a box featuring a photograph of the least famous of the Minogue sisters, rather than those for her rivals Simon Cowell, Louis Walsh and Cheryl Cole. So, stick all your money on that at Ladbrokes, dear blog reader, and you'll be squids in. Do you see? It's a ... oh, never mind.

Katy Perry has said that she spanked the singer Rihanna after she missed Perry's recent wedding to Russell Brand. Rihanna admitted that she was sad that work commitments meant she was unable to attend her friend's ceremony in India. Perry told MTV that she had forgiven Rihanna, explaining: 'I bent her over and smacked her on the ass and then I forgave her and then I said, "I love you, bitch!"' Tragically, however, it appears that nobody actually thought to film this situation and, you know, show it every Christmas.

Katie Price has denied a report suggesting that she is being lined up for a presenting role on Live From Studio Five. Heat magazine had claimed that the former glamour model could take on a role currently held by Kate Walsh or Jayne Middlemiss or both on the Channel Five show. However, in a response to a fan on Twitter, the thirty two-year-old said: 'Heat mag and rest of mags talking rubbish again [sic].' Well indeed. It must be bad enough for Katie Price being Katie Price without the additional baggage of being Live from Studio Five's Katie Price. God, that would be embarrassing.

And, lastly, we come to yer Keith Telly Topping's 45 of the Day. This one is for anyone who simply likes playing with their own organ. One of the most perfect slabs of Caribbean-influenced proto-funk in that small, but interesting sub-genre. Al Jackson lays on the groove. Donald Duck Dunn's spine is the bassline. Steve Cropper delivers all the licks. And as for Booker T Jones - it's Hammond time! First released in 1968 and used, since not very long after to this day, as the theme for the BBC's coverage of cricket. Firstly on TV and now on Test Match Special on the radio. It's impossible to hear this and not think of wet summer days watching reruns of yesterday's action because, as Ritchie Benuad's just informed us, 'there'll be no play before lunch due to flooding at the Pavilion End!' Howzat, dear blog reader?