Tuesday, July 20, 2010

Bad Girls Go To Jail. Nauseously Good Ones Present The ONE Show

That vastly annoying, full-of-her-own-importance woman Myleene Klass has denied that she was approached to host GMTV. As if anybody actually cares. The presenter - who can, get this, look pretty and read an autocue at the same time - was linked to the show before Christine Bleakley's move from BBC was confirmed. 'I read this!' Ooo, she can read, as well. Hang out the flags. 'There are only a few people who can handle Adrian Chiles at 4am in the morning and I am probably one of them,' Klass told New magazine. 'The rumour came about because we launched The ONE Show together and we get on brilliantly, but me getting up at 4am? Come on, that's the middle of the night!' And, she can tell the time. It gets better and better. The thirty two-year-old also emerged as the bookies' favourite to take over Bleakley's role on The ONE Show. The BBC has apparently screen-tested up to ten female presenters for The ONE Show. Gaby Roslin and Klass have been among the names rumoured to replace Bleakley. The Sun reports that Sky News host Charlotte Hawkins and Bang Goes The Theory presenter Liz Bonnin are the latest names hoping to present the show alongside Jason Manford. Which may be true but, given the Sun's track record of late, probably isn't. 'The clock is ticking as we want to relaunch the show in a few weeks,' a 'source' allegedly told the newspaper. But probably didn't. 'But we want to get this right - it's vital that they have chemistry with Jason.' BBC bosses are reportedly keen to hire a cheaper presenter, ruling out big names such as Tess Daly who 'insiders' claim wanted at least four hundred thousand pounds. 'The great thing about The ONE Show is that it has developed home-grown talent.' The 'source' allegedly added: 'Adrian [Chiles] and Christine were not household names when they started, now they are big names.'

This week's episode of the classy US caper-drama Leverage - The Studio Job - was a rather fun exposé of dodgy shenanigans in the country music industry which gave Christian Kane a long-overdue opportunity to demonstrate his abilities as a singer/guitarist (previously so well documented on Angel). When Eliot poses as a country singer to help run a con against a corrupt recording studio executive, things get complicated when he becomes a bona-fide sensation. Meanwhile, in a mad-as-toast subplot, Beth Riesgraf got to dressed up as a cross between Bjork and Lady Ga Ga. It was quite a sight, it really was. Throw in The Dukes of Hazzard's John Schneider as a corrupt record company executive and you had probably the best episode of Leverage's third series so far.

Steven Moffat has revealed that he receives hate mail. The Doctor Who showrunner told his Twitter followers that it mostly focused on David Tennant, who exited the show last year. 'I don't get much hate mail, but when I do it's always from a lady David Tennant fan. Why?' Moffat wrote. 'He's a mate of mine and everything!' It's because fandom is full of nutters, Steven - you know that, you were one of us long enough! Tennant previously admitted that Moffat almost made him change his mind about quitting the BBC show.

Stephen Fry has revealed that he is working on a new show for the BBC about language. In an interview with the Radio Times, Fry explained that he is excited about going to China for the first time to film for the programme. 'It's a bit of a secret but the BBC have commissioned me to do a five-part series on language, called Planet Word,' he said. 'Language is my real passion.' He continued: 'I'm going to Beijing to interview the man who invented Pinyin, a phonetic version of the Chinese language. He's one hundred and five years old years old. If he dies on me I'm going to be so annoyed.' Fry added that he is making the series because he has not seen a similar programme before. 'I haven't seen a good documentary about language, where it comes from, how we speak it, the variations of it, whether languages are dying, whether we are better at speaking than we were,' he said. 'There are so many questions.' A BBC spokesperson told the Mirror that the series will be broadcast on BBC2.

Benedict Cumberbatch has promised that fans will be pleased with Sherlock. The series updates the Sherlock Holmes stories to the modern day but Cumberbatch, who plays the detective, explained that devotees will notice references to the original tales. 'We've tried to be respectful of the original character, but there was huge scope for reinvention,' he told What's On TV. 'Sherlock was a very modern man in the Victorian era, so there was no reason he couldn't be modern in the present. There's no deerstalker hat or pipe - but he has an equivalent. Lots of boxes will be ticked for fans and purists.' Cumberbatch also revealed that he enjoyed exploring Sherlock's personality. 'Sherlock is still fallible and gets it wrong sometimes - which lands him in trouble,' he explained. 'He can be disarmingly honest and unintentionally rude, which is amusing.'

Hollyoaks actress Jennifer Metcalfe has been linked to the upcoming series of Strictly Come Dancing. Metcalfe, who plays Mercedes McQueen in the soap, has been approached by the BBC to take part, according to the Sun. The twenty six-year-old's former co-star, Ricky Whittle, finished runner-up in last year's Strictly. I thought the whole point of Strictly this year was that they were doing away with nonentities and going for people that the viewers might, actually, have heard of?

Richard Hammond has admitted that he would never be a contestant on Total Wipeout. Hammond, who hosts the show, told the Radio Times that a number of participants end up with injuries. 'There's the odd dislocated shoulder,' he said. 'They have two ambulances on standby. That's why I would never do it - it might be painful.' The Hamster also revealed that he laughs at the participants when he should not 'every week,' saying: 'It isn't cruel because the contestants volunteer - that gives me the right to laugh.' The presenter added that he is thrilled he is able to present a wide range of shows. '[I'll make] more Blast Lab and Top Gear will roll on while we get older and fatter until we can't squeeze in and out of the cars, probably,' he said. 'I'm a very lucky boy who gets to present programmes I love.'

John Barrowman has revealed that 'Hollywood A-listers' will star on this year's Tonight's the Night. The forty three-year-old, who hosts the Jim'll Fix It-based entertainment show, claimed that it is being 'super-sized.' He told What's On TV: 'We are still making people's dreams come true, but this time they are about more than performance. One of them is connected with Formula One motor racing, which was great for me as I love cars. We have recruited some Hollywood and pop A-listers to help us out too, and we are super-sizing everything.' Speaking about his various disguises, Barrowman teased: 'I've been everything from a care worker in an old folks' home to a policeman and a flight attendant, and I was amazed nobody recognised me.'

Ryan Murphy is on the brink of a multi-million-dollar deal to ensure his continued work on Glee, it has been claimed. According to Deadline, FOX has offered the show's creator a four-year contract in the region of twenty four million dollars, also allowing him to work on other TV and musical projects. Furthermore, Murphy will also allegedly receive royalties from album and download sales from the musical comedy's chart releases, as well as cuts of revenue from merchandising and its live tour.

DirecTV has signed a deal with Sony Pictures to purchase Damages from FX and continue the series. It was previously reported that Damages would not return as a deal had not been secured. The contract will allow DirecTV to air two further seasons of the programme, consisting of ten episodes each, exclusively on the company's 101 network beginning in 2011, reports Entertainment Weekly. Vice President of Entertainment Patty Ishimoto said: 'We're excited to partner with Sony Pictures Television as we breathe new life into this outstanding drama. It's a win for our customers because only they will be able to see these new episodes and another great step forward for DirecTV as we continue to build our growing portfolio of exclusive, award winning programming.' FX president John Landgraf added: 'FX was very proud to have developed one of the best scripted series on television, but, in order to have a future, the show needed DircTV and we are thrilled they stepped in. Sony Pictures Television is a great production partner and we at FX Productions are excited for these next two seasons.'

Louis Walsh has insisted that Simon Cowell has had more surgery than him. The X Factor judge, who reportedly went under the knife last year, told Star magazine that fifty-year-old Cowell has had so many cosmetic procedures that he is not sure what is real anymore. 'I got my eyes done and I admitted it, unlike Simon!' he said.

Lindsay Lohan has joked about her upcoming jail sentence on Twitter. The twenty three-year-old is due to surrender herself today and begin her ninety-day sentence for violating her probation on drink-driving charges. You won't be crackin' jokes when they get your skinny white ass in County, young lady. And you find your cell-mate's Large Marge who says things like 'you is maaaa lil puppy now!' At least, that's what the Sun seems to be - somewhat gleefully - predicting. 'Lindsay's A-list neighbours will be replaced with tough guards at the Lynwood Correctional Facility, as well as fearsome lesbian gangs desperate to get their hands on her.' The tabloid claims that a 'source' - thirty eight year old Tamara Haley - has told them. One wonders, inevitably, if Tamara was the same 'source' that told them last week Matt Smith was going to be quitting Doctor Who? Probably not. 'Everyone will want a piece of her,' the 'source' continued. Allegedly. 'It will make them famous if they hurt Lindsay Lohan. Or if you get her to cry, the whole ward will laugh and people will love it - even the guards. The gay inmates wear their shirts inside out to let others know they are available. So if Lindsay doesn't want someone to grab her ass she'd better keep her shirt on straight. Women grab each other like animals when the guards aren't looking. It's disgusting.' I think I've seen this movie, actually. 'I don't think they will actually be able to get to her, but you never know. At the very least some of those hardcases will try to scare her. They'll scream stuff to her from their cells,' predicted the 'source.' At least, that's the newspaper's story and they're sticking to it. 'I've been in segregation and it was rough. The lights are on the whole time. You hear people screaming all night long. The cells are filthy and kept brutally cold. You get one tiny blanket and that's it. There's an infection going around now. You can barely sleep at night from all the coughing. And there are girls with body lice.' So, to sum up then - Lynwood Correctional Facility is like something out of Ilsa: She Wolf of the SS with the lice and the lesbian horror and the punishment beatings. I really hope somebody's got a video camera in there.

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