Tuesday, March 04, 2014

N Is For Nostalgia (And Numbers), The News And Naughty Things

The Doctor Who Experience is to debut a new walk through adventure starring yer actual Peter Capaldi. The Cardiff Bay attraction will close the current interactive walk through - which features Matt Smith - in the autumn. The Experience will then reopen at a later date with a new adventure, expected to feature new lead actor Capaldi. The new display is currently in the early planning stages, with an exact date for the revamp yet to be set, a BBC spokesperson told the Digital Spy website. The Doctor Who Experience originally opened in London in February 2011 and moved to Cardiff in July 2012. Planned to remain in Wales until at least 2017, the exhibition features costumes, props and sets from the popular long-running family SF drama and also includes some interactive elements.
Yer actual Keith Telly Topping his very self did two podcast interviews whilst at the Gallifrey One convention, dear blog reader. The first one, with Radio Free Skaro, has already been online for a few days (details of which can be found here). The other podcast yer actual Keith Telly Topping took part in - with the very charming and delightful Chip Sudderth from Two Minute Time Lord - is also now available online, here. Yer actual Keith Telly Topping is on first, talking about ... well, all sorts of stuff, for about ten minutes. Subjects include Doctor Who's position as one of the BBC's so-called 'super-brands', watching Fury From The Deep in 1968 as a life-changing incident, a thirty year appreciation of Peter Capaldi his very self and whether yer actual Keith Telly Topping actually exists, or not. True story. Plus, Barry Chuckle. Really.

And now, dear blog reader, here's a picture of yer actual Benny Cumberbatch his very self totally photobombing The U2 Group at the Oscars. The thoughts of Mr Bonio out of The U2 Group, Mr The Edge (with his silly hat) out of The U2 Group and ... the other two out of The U2 Group are not, at this time, known.
If you're wondering, dear blog reader, yes Benny is on a bungee rope and Molly is at a window just out of shot waiting to haul him in if necessary.

The From The North award for the best advert of the year so far - by the mile - goes to the new Freeview ad using 'You're All I Need To Get By' by Marvin and Tammi being lip-synch'd by a pussy and budgie. Quality entertainment!
Yer actual Keith Telly Topping is, currently, fishing for sympathy dear blog reader since his back pain has been worse than ever over the weekend. (Well, all right, worse than it has been for a few years, anyway - I don't want to over-dramatise this, the pain management is pretty well controlled via ibuprofen.) So yer actual Keith Telly Topping went to see the lovely and compassionate Doctor Chris first thing on Monday morning to get this shit sorted. And that. The probability is that it's still just - and I say, just with a hollow chuckle - another sciatica flare-up ('the old trouble' as Doctor Chris noted, with sagacity) But there is also a possibility it maybe a compressed disc. So we're going to give it a couple of weeks to see if it settles down and, if there's no improvement yer actual Keith Telly Topping will be whipped off to get an MRI. If it is a disc issue then, at that point, it's likely to require an operation at some stage. Meanwhile, in other - good - news, Keith Telly Topping's weight is down again to equal the low level of last December. Which really surprised yer actual Keith Telly Topping given the, freely admitted, Christmas pig-out and then spending a week in the USA, the land of the pancake breakfast, recently. So ... medically, yer actual Keith Telly Topping is a total wreck. But, at least, he's a marginally thinner total wreck!

Call The Midwife once again - easily - won the Sunday ratings, according to overnight data. BBC1's recently-renewed drama climbed to 8.95 million at 8pm. The Musketeers continued, dipping approximately one hundred thousand punters week-on-week to 4.40m at 9pm. Earlier, Blandings attracted 3.75m at 6.30pm, followed by Countryfile with 6.76m at 7pm. ITV's Twatting About On Ice semi-final dropped around four hundred thousand to 5.02m at 6.15pm. The subsequent results show brought in 4.23m at 8.30pm. Mr Selfridge climbed from the previous week's episode to 4.50m at 9pm beating The Musketeers on overnights for the first time this series, while All-Star Family Fortunes failed to entertain 4.36m at 7.45pm. On BBC2, Top Gear was again - by a huge distance - the most watched show of the night with 5.10m at 8pm. Dragons' Den rose by four hundred thousand viewers to 3.23m at 9pm. Channel Four's Fish Fight With Hugh Fearnley-Whittingstall interested seven hundred and eighty eight thousand at 7pm. A Time Team special appealed to nine hundred and fifty two thousand at 8pm, while the Angelina Jolie film Salt had an audience of 1.18m at 9pm. On Channel Five, the SF classic The Fifth Element brought in eight hundred and eighteen thousand at 6.45pm.

The final and consolidated ratings figures for the Top Twenty Five programmes for week-ending Sunday 23 February are as follows:-
1 Call The Midwife - Sun BBC1 - 10.49m
2 Coronation Street - Mon ITV - 9.11m
3 EastEnders - Mon BBC1 - 8.72m
4 The Voice - Sat BBC1 - 8.33m
5 Death In Paradise - Tues BBC1 - 8.27m
6 Emmerdale - Mon ITV - 7.69m
7 Countryfile - Sun BBC1 - 7.24m
8 Ant and/or Dec's Saturday Night Takeaway - Sat ITV - 6.97m
9 Inspector George Gently - Thurs BBC1 - 6.57m
10 Top Gear - Sun BBC2 - 6.53m
11 DCI Banks - Mon ITV - 6.26m*
12 UEFA Champions League Live - Tues ITV - 5.98m
13 Mr Selfridge - Sun ITV - 5.94m
14 The Musketeers - Sun BBC1 - 5.91m
15 Casualty - Sat BBC1 - 5.87m
16 Six O'Clock News - Tues BBC1 - 5.60m
17 Outnumbered - Wed BBC1 - 5.46m
18 Ten O'Clock News - Tues BBC1 - 5.39m
19 The National Lottery: Who Dares Wins - Sat BBC - 5.35m
20 BBC News - Sat BBC1 - 5.33m
21 Twatting About On Ice - Sun ITV - 5.30m*
22 Rugby Six Nations - Sat BBC1 - 5.25m
23 Holby City - Tues BBC1 - 4.97m
24 Mrs Brown's Boys - Wed BBC1 - 4.62m
25 The ONE Show - Wed BBC1 - 4.56m
ITV programmes marked '*' do not include HD figures. BBC2's top-rated show of the week apart from Top Gear was University Challenge (3.59m), followed by The Great British Sewing Bee (3.49m) and Line Of Duty (3.21m). Channel Four's highest-rated show was Benefits Britain: The Debate with 3.37m. The Hotel Inspector was Channel Five's best performer with 1.75m.

The television historian Mary Beard - a particular favourite of From The North - has said that having a panel show 'quota' for women will lead to them being 'vilified' in reviews. The broadcaster, writing in the Radio Times, said that older women on-screen were singled out for their 'glaring eccentricity and deficient grooming.' Female radio broadcasters, she added, 'tend to have unusually deep voices.' The BBC's director of television Danny Cohen recently said there would no longer be any all-male panel shows. Comedian and Mock The Week host Dara O Briain subsequently criticised the move, saying that 'legislating for a token woman isn't much help.' He subsequently clarified that he had lobbied for more female comics on the show, but had objected to it being publicly announced as a policy. Cambridge professor Beard, who wrote and presented the - superb - BBC2 documentary about the Roman emperor Caligula last year, said that quotas 'do not get to the root of the problem. The fact is that even now authority still seems to reside with the men in suits, and their deep voices; and those are the types we still assume we'll see when we're looking for words of wisdom on TV,' she wrote in the Radio Times' Viewpoint column. 'It's easy enough to agree with [Danny] Cohen's instincts, but it's less easy to see what practical steps the BBC (or any media company) should take.' Mary added that it was 'up to viewers' to change the landscape, saying the 'gender gap' would finally be bridged 'when almost every viewer in the land would simply think that it looked very weird to have a panel made up of four blokes.' Mary's next project is Oh Do Shut Up Dear, a programme about the role of women in public debate, on BBC4 on 16 March.

Sunday's Oscars ceremony, hosted by Ellen DeGeneres, was watched by forty three million TV viewers in the US. That's a lot. According to broadcaster ABC, it was the biggest audience for the Academy Awards event in a decade. The audience was 6.4 per cent higher than last year when the event was fronted by Seth McFarlane, according to initial ratings figures from Nielsen. The most recent biggest TV audience was 43.6m in 2004, when The Lord of the Rings: Return Of The King had a very good night. The most watched Oscars ceremony on television came in 1998, when the triumph of Titanic with eleven Academy awards was seen by fifty five million punters. Last year's choice of irreverent host McFarlane drew criticism from some quarters and praise from others. DeGeneres - hosting the event for the second time - was seen by some media commentators as 'a safer pair of hands.' More boring, in other words. The comedian and TV host received rather mixed reviews for this year's ceremony, but her tenure was seen as a step away from recent attempts to draw in a younger audience. Despite this, data from ratings trackers Nielsen suggested that there was an increase of one per cent in the crucial eighteen to thirty four-year-old audience bracket. Regardless of the critics' views, Degeneres' staged a 'selfie' photograph with several of the stars in the audience which was a hit on social media, setting the record for the most retweets by twats on Twitter - more than two million. Ellen declared that she wanted 'to break the record' for the most retweeted photograph in history, featuring herself surrounded by the front row talent - and best supporting actress winner Lupita Nyong'o's brother. She broke the record within the hour, and in doing so, broke Twitter's servers too. Sadly, they were back up later.

Yer actual Matthew Perry will make his UK TV debut in a new Playhouse Presents Sky Arts comedy, The Dog Thrower. The Friends star will team up with comic Tim Key and Fresh Meat's Kimberley Nixon for the one-off feature, which follows the story of a nervous young man (played by Key) who attempts to 'become popular by copying a charismatic man who is throwing his dog in the air' in front of a crowd. Scottish indie band Belle and Sebastian are producing the soundtrack. The Dog Thrower was written by Jon Ronson and will be broadcast on 1 May on Sky Arts. Perry is currently working in the US on a TV remake of The Odd Couple. Playhouse Presents is the acclaimed Sky Arts drama and comedy strand, which pushes original and innovative UK writing. Other Playhouse Presents productions this year include Timeless, which will feature model Cara Delevingne making her acting debut and Foxtrot, which will star Ben Whishaw and Billie Piper.

When the BBC revealed a new long-term partnership with the Agatha Christie estate last week, it seemed to have sparked a debate along the lines of 'how do we rejuvenate peaktime drama on BBC1?' Whether Christie's work is the long-term solution remains to be seen. It is a safe bet, no doubt, to turn to the woman described by the BBC's controller of drama Ben Stephenson as 'the bestselling novelist in the world, ever.' BBC1 drama has to be broad, as Stephenson is keen to point out. But does it have to be 'safe'? There's been no shortage of Christie on the box of late, nearly all of it (Poirot, Marple) on ITV. It was also ITV which last adapted Christie's Tommy and Tuppence tales (in 1983, starring Francesca Annis) which BBC1 will turn into Partners In Crime on BBC1, starring David Walliams. Another new BBC1 drama, EF Benson's Mapp and Lucia, was last seen on ITV, in the 1980s, starring Geraldine McEwan and Prunella Scales. The BBC Trust told BBC1 to up its game in the peaktime drama stakes last year with more 'quality, variety and originality.' So far this year it has had the massively successful return of Sherlock, The Musketeers, Jonathan Creek and its original two-parter The 7.39, along with those returning big hitters, Call The Midwife and Death In Paradise. Stephenson made no effort to hide his irritation, when asked at the Christie launch last week by some arsehole of no importance at the Gruniad Monring Star, whether he was seeking a long-running The Killing/Broadchurch-style thriller. 'I'm not interested in copying other broadcasters. I'm not going to say, that show's really successful, can we have something like that? It's so anti-creative,' he said. 'We have to appeal to all and therefore we have to work with a broad variety [of subjects],' said Stephenson, who added he was never going to commission 'three twenty-part series that are watched by one particular type of audience.' Stephenson said that drama was 'central to audience perceptions' of the BBC. It is also a crucial time for the corporation, as it gears up for charter renewal and a new licence fee deal. 'Drama, alongside news, is the major driver of ratings, reach, appreciation, basically everything,' said Stephenson. 'Coming up there are big challenges. I see them as things that make us better. With Netflix and Amazon, I think there are ninety four broadcasters, to use a conventional word, making drama in America. Drama has become the cultural identity of television around the world.' In Sherlock and Doctor Who, the BBC has two worldwide drama brands, but Stephenson said that BBC drama did not have the pressure to make money like its commercial rivals. 'We won't say "no" if something won't make money internationally,' he said. 'I really couldn't care less.' Like its Christie adaptations, BBC1 will return to another TV classic, Poldark, the classic costume drama reimagined for a new audience with Aiden Turner in the lead role. Fans of contemporary drama will be catered for via bitter old Red Jimmy McGovern and his film Common, starring Michael Gambon, or Peter Bowker's From There To Here. Further down the line is the eight-part crime drama The Interceptor, which will star White Heat's David Gyasi and Trevor Eve and Abi Morgan's The River, with Stellan Skarsgård playing the lead role of a troubled detective, all of which will be on BBC1. 'BBC1 is the big stage, it's where all audiences can come to. It needs to communicate with the audience in quite a direct way,' said Stephenson. 'What we try to do on BBC2 is do it with an angle. It's not going to be for everyone – The Fall, people adored or hated it. Peaky Blinders - I got some of the most appreciative e-mails and some of the most stinky. I love that, that's fantastic. BBC1 should also have really strong flavours - Common, From There To Here - these are not soft pieces, they tackle issues at the heart of British society.'

Bruce Forsyth's future on Strictly Come Dancing is 'not secure', according to new BBC1 controller Charlotte Moore. In an extensive interview with The Sunday Times about her plans for the channel, Moore confessed that she needed to 'hold talks' with the eighty six-year-old about his future on the BBC1 Saturday night smash hit. Strictly remains one of the most popular shows in Britain with Forsyth and Tess Daly at the helm, but the veteran presenter has cut back his hours in recent series, handing over the Sunday results show to Claudia Winkleman. Forsyth had planned breaks in the 2013 schedule, but also missed a Saturday night episode through illness. Commenting on his future with the show, Moore said: 'Yes, he is not young and has missed a couple of programmes. So it is really important to have that conversation. Strictly is a phenomenon of British television and very robust. But it isn't about one presenter.'

Toby Jones is to star in an upcoming BBC2 film. The actor will lead the cast in the one-off ninety-minute TV movie Marvellous, from Fifty Fathoms and Tiger Aspect. Marvellous is based on the life of Neil Baldwin, a man who came to prominence after writer Peter Bowker's 2010 article in the Gruniad. 'Neil Baldwin walked into the students' union in 1960, an engaging schoolboy with learning difficulties from the local town of Newcastle-under-Lyme, and became a fixture,' Bowker said. The film is a biopic of Baldwin, a man who worked as a circus clown, lay preacher and kit man at Stoke City FC. He is good friends with top athletes and senior clergy, and was awarded an Honorary Degree by Keele University for his fifty-year association with Keele University. Bowker said: 'I have long been interested in how we use labels to limit the people we are describing - even, at worse, to dehumanise them. But Neil - despite being labelled and to some extent written off as a young man - struck me as a man who defied those who wished to define him. It struck me if there was going to be a drama about Neil then it had to reflect his fluid and eccentric story. It is, therefore, part biopic, part musical, part fantasy. It isn't always an easy story. It isn't sugar coated, but I think it is ultimately optimistic and celebratory. And I think that's important in this era where vilifying and writing off others has become something of a national pastime.' Toby Jones said: 'I am really intrigued and eager to explore Peter Bowker's innovative and uplifting script.' BBC Drama's Lucy Richer added: 'The combination of Neil's inspirational and incredible life story combined with Peter's passion and wonderful writing will ensure Marvellous is unmissable viewing for BBC2.'

It was a news editor's nightmare that ended up trending on Twitter. Irish state broadcaster RTÉ was hit by 'a technical glitch' on Monday evening during its Prime Time news and current affairs programme. In an interview, the Russian ambassador to Ireland, Maxim Peshkov, used the words: 'Irish Ukrainians not Russians' and suddenly something stuck. For about the next fifteen minutes, viewers were treated to the phrase over and over again on a loop. It was as if someone had put an old scratched vinyl record on a timetable and the needle got stuck. Twitter users quickly suggested that the sound bite was a bit of brainwashing and, perhaps, Ireland had been invaded. 'Expecting "This is your new leader" any moment now,' said one Twatterer. Others appreciated the rhythm of it and called on RTÉ to go for a techno remix. Which, typically, someone had up on You Tube within hours. It was pretty good, actually. One Twatter suggested: 'Very excited for Eurovision, now that we've picked.' Yet another said: 'Typical of scenes nationwide as people, demented, walk from their homes.' The Irish Independent said that RTÉ had reportedly received 'a flood of calls' about the gaffe. The managing director of RTÉ news and current affairs Kevin Bakhurst later tweeted: 'Many apologies to those watching RTE1 and #rtept - the engineers were aware and trying to sort. Not acceptable fault. Infuriating.' In a statement on Tuesday RTÉ said: 'We'd like to apologise for last night's transmission error on RTÉ1 which was caused by an equipment failure in hardware installed in December as part of the RTÉ1 HD project. Transmission for those watching on standard definition was interrupted for just over thirteen minutes. The automated system had to be manually overridden and this delayed the glitch being rectified. The transmission on RTÉ 1 HD was not affected.' So, in other words, if you were a cheepskate and didn't buy HD, it's your own fault!

Countryfile presenter Julia Bradbury is leaving the BBC Sunday evening show and has signed up to join a rival ITV show. Bradbury has presented Countryfile for nearly five years, helping make her a household name. She is leaving Countryfile to front a five-part series about Britain's landscape for ITV. Bradbury said of the new ITV show, which is expected to rival Countryfile: 'I go camping on-screen and wake up at 6am and people see me peeping out of a sleeping bag wearing a beanie, so it's not about looking glamorous and young.' Bradbury told Hello! magazine: '[It was] something I couldn't afford to turn down at this stage in my life and career. I've been heavily [involved] in the development of this one, so it's very close to my heart.' The BBC confirmed that Bradbury was leaving, saying: 'After five years, Julia has decided to leave Countryfile.' The corporation said that it would appoint a replacement for Bradbury 'in due course', to join the presenting team of Matt Baker, John Craven and Ellie Harrison. A spokeswoman said that Bradbury 'may be open' to further projects with the BBC indicating that the parting was reasonably amicable. Bradbury has also presented Wainwright's Walks for BBC4, a series based on the guidebooks of the famous Lakeland walker Alfred Wainwright, along with presenting Watchdog. Along with her work for the BBC, Bradbury has also previously presented the - memorably shite - ITV game show Take On The Twisters.

And speaking of rats deserting a sinking ship, as it were, Susanna Reid has also abandoned the Beeb and will front new ITV breakfast show Good Morning Britain after the broadcaster confirmed on Monday that it was dumping the ill-fated fiasco Daybreak after less than four years on-air. ITV has turned to Reid, who presents rival morning show Breakfast on BBC1, to present the new show alongside Ben Shephard, Charlotte Hawkins and Sean Fletcher. Hawkins has been hired from Sky News, where she fronts the Sunrise breakfast programme alongside odious lard bucket Eamonn Holmes. Because BBC staffers getting their filthy greed right on going over to ITV for mucho wonga has such a massive history of success and not at all seeing careers cattle-trucked, doesn't it? Shephard is a presenter on ITV and Sky Sports and will be a familiar face to ITV breakfast viewers as a former presenter of GMTV. The fourth face of the new show, Sean Fletcher, is a previous news and sport presenter across the BBC, including Breakfast, and is currently working for Sky Sports. ITV claimed that Good Morning Britain would launch 'later this year' and would put 'engaging, news driven content' at its heart. Reid's departure is a big blow for the BBC. She is the star name of its Breakfast programme which regularly has more than double the audience of Daybreak, her stock rising further when she made the final of BBC1's Strictly Come Dancing, although she was criticised by fellow contestant Fiona Fullerton for her 'relentless PR campaign' during the course of the show. Daybreak presenter Aled Jones has been extremely dropped from its weekday line-up, moving to a new weekend show, Weekend. His co-host, Lorraine Kelly, will switch back to her old 8.30am weekday slot. In turning to Reid, it is a case of history repeating itself for ITV. The broadcaster hired BBC presenters odious grumpy old greed bucket (and drag) Adrian Chiles and The Curious Orange Christine Bleakley to present Daybreak after it axed GMTV in 2010. And, my, didn't that work out so well for everyone? Despite launching in a blaze of publicity the show never took off, with even Chiles his very self later describing it - and, possibly himself - as 'a crock of shit.' ITV Director of Daytime, Helen Warner, said: 'Our overriding aim is to continue to improve our breakfast programming for our viewers and we have been working for some time behind the scenes developing the next chapter of our offering. Engaging, news driven content is our number one priority and will be at the heart of everything we do on Good Morning Britain.' Reid was reported to have been offered one million smackers by ITV to change channels, although alleged 'sources' allegedly quoted by the Gruniad Morning Star said these estimates were 'excessive.' However, she is sure to earn far more than the two hundred and fifty grand she is currently believed to be paid at the BBC. Reid become the main presenter of BBC1's Breakfast programme in 2012 alongside Bill Turnbull. The Breakfast programme moved out of London to the corporation's new BBC North HQ in Salford two years ago but Reid declined to make the switch full time, commuting from her London home. Critics had suggested that the BBC1 programme would struggle to attract big name guests onto its sofa when it moved out of the capital, but this has, seemingly, not dented its ratings. ITV recently completed a review of its ill-starred breakfast fiasco Daybreak, which has stumbled through various incarnations and presenter line-ups since replacing GMTV three-and-a-half years ago, but still miserably trails far behind its BBC1 rival in the ratings. The odious Chiles and Bleakley - to the absolute hilarity of most of the country - left with their tails between their legs after only fifteen months following Daybreak's launch and the programme, which has been through four editors in less than four years, regularly has less than half the audience which tunes into BBC1's Breakfast. Daybreak typically averages around six hundred thousand viewers against BBC1 Breakfast's 1.6 million.

David Beckham is going to launch his TV presenting career on BBC1, according to the channel's controller Charlotte Moore. Gosh, that'll be a meeting of minds. Speaking to The Sunday Times about her plans for the channel, Moore said that the former England captain was working on a programme for the broadcaster. Moore didn't give any details about the show, but said that it wouldn't be about football. The newspaper report speculated that the programme could be about fatherhood or modelling. Although, equally, it could be about nuclear physics. Or flower arranging. Beckham retired from all forms of football in 2013, but recently returned to the game as the owner of a new Major League Soccer franchise in Miami. His post-football career has so far been dominated by charity work and modelling. Beckham will appear on the BBC in a TV cameo for Sport Relief later this month, when he teams up with Sir David Jason and Nicholas Lyndhurst in a special Only Fools And Horses sketch.

ITV crime drama Broadchurch has been nominated for three Royal Television Society Programme Awards. Two of its stars Olivia Colman and Jodie Whittaker are both shortlisted in the best actress category, while it is also up for best drama serial. Colman's nomination also encompasses her work in Channel Four's Run. Other nominees include Stephen Fry, Sir David Attenborough and Davina McCall, who will contest the best presenter prize at the ceremony on 18 March. Comedian Tim Vine will host the event, to be held at the Grosvenor House Hotel in Central London. Colman and Whittaker face competition in their category from Sharon Rooney, recognised for her role in Channel Four's My Mad Fat Teenage Diary. Colman's Run co-star Lennie James, meanwhile, competes for the best actor prize against The Tunnel's Stephen Dillane and Luther star Idris Elba. My Mad Fat Teenage Diary is also up for the drama series prize, as are BBC2's Peaky Blinders and Channel Four's Utopia. BBC3 zombie drama In The Flesh and Jane Campion's New Zealand-set mystery Top Of The Lake are also in contention for the drama serial award. An additional prize for best single drama sees Burton and Taylor compete against fellow BBC productions Our Girl and The Challenger. Casualty, Coronation Street and Emmerdale are shortlisted for the soap and continuing drama award, won by the Manchester-based series at last year's ceremony. Olivia Colman was also honoured at the 2013 event, winning the best actress prize for her work in BBC1's courtroom drama Accused. Other nominees this year include Brendan O'Carroll, shortlisted for the comedy performance prize for his cross-dressing role in Mrs Brown's Boys. There is also a nomination for popular BBC1 quiz show Pointless, shortlisted for the RTS Daytime award alongside Channel Four's Four Rooms and ITV's The Chase.

Game Of Thrones stars Charles Dance and Rose Leslie are to lead ITV's new drama The Great Fire. Boardwalk Empire actor Jack Huston will also star opposite Andrew Buchan and Daniel Mays in the four-parter, co-written by Tom Bradby. The Great Fire - due to start shooting later this month - will tell the story of baker Thomas Farriner and his fabled involvement in The Great Fire of London in 1666. Broadchurch star Buchan will play Thomas, with Leslie cast as his - fictional - sister-in-law, Sarah. Mays will play the famed diarist Samuel Pepys, with Huston as King Charles II and Oliver Jackson-Cohen portraying his brother, James the Duke of York. Dance will play Lord Denton - an emissary of the King's - in the series, with Perdita Weeks, Andrew Tiernan and Antonia Clarke completing the cast. Mr Selfridge director Jon Jones will be behind the camera on all four episodes, which will use pyrotechnics and special effects - as opposed to CGI - to recreate the famous fire. 'In 1666 London was the greatest city in the world with a population of thee hundred thousand,' said executive producer Douglas Rae. 'In just four days The Great Fire destroyed nearly half the city and threatened the monarchy. It's a fascinating premise for a drama and creates the perfect backdrop for Tom Bradby to be at his most creative. We have assembled an amazing cast and production team and we're looking forward to filming Tom's fantastic scripts.'

She may be more used to beating eggs than mixing beats, but The Great British Bake Off judge Mary Berry has admitted that she once visited the infamous Ibiza club Pacha. Berry, now seventy eight, told the Daily Torygraph that when she was seventy one she was in the White Isle for a friend’s wedding when she decided she wanted a night out. She told the newspaper: 'They stamp you as you go in, and you can see the steam coming out as you go up the steps. It was like a rabbit warren: lots of little rooms and in every room there was music, there were bars, there were strange drinks, there were people smoking or sitting on the floor.' But what seems to have fascinated the TV baker most was the clubbers' outfits: 'There was every type of clothing you could imagine: miniskirts, some of them with hardly anything on. The noise was amazing and of course the boys couldn't stand it. They went outside and waited for us on the stairs, and the girls all hung together inside. We didn't want to miss a trick.' Berry also admits to watching Breaking Bad on-set with presenters Mel and Sue: 'It's shocking! Then you get into it and you think: "Have I seen episode four or five?" You get hooked. It's better than motor racing, which Paul [her husband] watches — though I'd prefer Downton Abbey.'
Former Scum of the World editor and well-known Crystal Tipps lookalike Rebekah Brooks has claimed that payments to victims of phone-hacking were kept secret to 'stop more people suing.' Well-known Crystal Tipps lookalike Brooks claimed that she had 'not known' hacking was going on until a 2006 police probe at which point she realised her company could face 'huge' costs. As, indeed, they have done. She also told the phone-hacking trial about a two hundred thousand smackers-a-year contract with PR consultant Max Clifford, as part of which he agreed to drop legal action against the newspaper. Well-known Crystal Tipps lookalike Brooks denies four charges. Giving evidence at the Old Bailey, she said that police told her in 2006 private investigator Glenn Mulcaire had 'probably' hacked into the voicemails of one hundred to one hundred and ten people. Mulcaire and former Scum of the World royal editor Clive Goodman were extremely jailed in January 2007 for hacking. Speaking about the situation once the police told her about hacking, well-known Crystal Tipps lookalike Brooks said: 'Obviously News International was sitting facing an unknown exposure for civil liability of Glenn Mulcaire's activity.' She added: 'The potential liability was huge. It was felt our best policy to protect the company, commercially, was to do confidential settlements.' On the deal with Clifford, well-known Crystal Tipps lookalike Brooks claimed that the Sun and the Scum of the World 'stopped dealing' with Clifford after a dispute in 2005. She said Clifford was one of the victims in the case involving Mulcaire and Goodman - and she agreed a two hundred thousand knicker annual contract to create a 'successful commercial relationship' and get him to drop legal proceedings. The court heard that as the number of celebrities suing News International began to grow in 2009, the company's lawyers were worried the cases might result in a court order for Mulcaire to 'name names' of Scum of the World journalists he had dealt with. Well-known Crystal Tipps lookalike Brooks claimed that the company opposed this because Mulcaire was 'an unreliable witness.' Asked if she had any concern that Mulcaire would reveal information about her editorship of the Scum of the World from 2000 to 2003, she said: 'None whatsoever. Most of the claims were 2005, 2006.' Tony Blair contacted well-known Crystal Tipps lookalike Brooks the day after it was revealed that Milly Dowler's phone had been hacked offering to 'help her get through the mounting crisis', the Old Bailey heard. The former prime minister texted contacted well-known Crystal Tipps lookalike Brooks on 5 July 2011 saying: 'Let me know if there is anything I can do to help. Thinking of you.' His contact was made as the crisis threatening to engulf News International had taken what well-known Crystal Tipps lookalike Brooks described as a 'horrific' twist when the Guardian reported that the missing Surrey schoolgirl's phone had been hacked by the Scum of the World and her voicemails had been deleted giving her parents 'false hope' that she was still alive. Blair continued in his text: 'I have been through things like this.' Well-known Crystal Tipps lookalike Brooks replied to Blair: 'Thank you. I know what it is like. GB pals getting their own back.' She explained to the court that GB was Gordon Brown. Her text continued: 'Rupert and James [Murdoch, the small] have been brilliant. Hopefully in this climate the truth will out.' Blair was one of a number of high profile people including education secretary the rat-faced loathsome wretched odious nasty louse, slavver-merchant and George Formby lookalike Gove and - soon to be former - CNN presenter oily twat Piers Morgan who texted well-known Crystal Tipps lookalike Brooks after the Gruniad story to offer their support. Morgan, with whom she had worked at the start of her career on the Scum of the World, texted her to say: 'When it rains, it fucking pours. Grit your teeth and stay strong,' the Old Bailey heard. Well-known Crystal Tipps lookalike Brooks replied to Morgan: 'Terrible. Makes me sick when watching the news. Can't believe anyone would do that. Must have been Mulcaire.' Morgan then advised well-known Crystal Tipps lookalike Brooks that if she knew it wasn't someone on the staff of the paper, she should 'get a statement out' immediately, texting: 'If it was not a staffer, you've got to get that out there fast. Lots of fury building on Internet.' Well-known Crystal Tipps lookalike Brooks told him: 'Taking the usual News Corp tin hat approach.' Morgan replied: 'Bloody shocking if true.' Well-known Crystal Tipps lookalike Brooks said: 'I agree.' The following morning, on 5 July 2011, well-known Crystal Tipps lookalike Brooks told the court that Morgan texted 'sarcastically' to tell her she was 'trending' on Twitter. Well-known Crystal Tipps lookalike Brooks also revealed that she 'secretly' met Andy Coulson to warn him about 'incriminating evidence' of phone-hacking a week before Coulson resigned as the prime minister's director of communications, the Old Bailey heard on Monday. Well-known Crystal Tipps lookalike Brooks told the jury that an internal search of e-mails in January 2011 had disclosed three messages which showed that a Scum of the World journalist was 'fully engaged' in the interception of voicemail. The e-mails which had been discovered suggested a journalist - who cannot be named for legal reasons - had been involved in hacking while Coulson was editor from 2003 to 2007. She had asked her personal assistant to arrange for her to meet the prime minister's, if you will, 'chum', Coulson early on the morning of 14 January, specifying that the location should be 'discreet.' She said that she had called the meeting after months of civil litigation in which public figures had been suing News International for allegedly intercepting their voicemail during the 2005 to 2006 period when Coulson was editing the Scum of the World. 'It was to tell Andy that we had found some pretty incriminating evidence. It was with the backdrop of the previous few months as well. It was evidently becoming very difficult for Andy's position in Downing Street with this ongoing civil litigation process. It was a very difficult balance between running the communications for Downing Street and being part of the story.' The jury heard that Coulson resigned from his post seven days later. On her eighth day in the witness box well-known Crystal Tipps lookalike Brooks traced the gathering crisis as the disclosure of the three incriminating messages led to the creation of the Operation Weeting police inquiry. As that inquiry began, on 26 January, she arranged for her office to be swept for bugs. She did this, she said, because her Blackberry was 'behaving oddly' and because so much information seemed to be leaking. 'It probably sounds paranoid,' she said, 'but maybe that's the world we lived in. The level of paranoia was quite high. My own revolved about secrecy and privacy. Everything seemed to leak in some form or another. It got worse and worse.' By April, for the first time, well-known Crystal Tipps lookalike Brooks was warned that she, herself, may be arrested. She was on holiday in Barbados, she said, when she had a telephone conference to discuss the arrest on 14 April of the Scum of the World's former news editor, James Weatherup. She was told that the police were 'very angry' and were threatening to take action against one of their lawyers, Ian Burton of Burton Copeland, because he had advised the paper to clear Weatherup's desk before they had a chance to search it. 'I was told that the team dealing with the Metropolitan police believed that I could be arrested on my return.' At around this time, she told the jury, she had learned that the head of Operation Weeting, Deputy Assistant Commissioner Sue Akers, had asked for well-known Crystal Tipps lookalike Brooks to be removed from the 'confidentiality club' of News International personnel who were allowed to read documents being disclosed in the civil actions. When well-known Crystal Tipps lookalike Brooks returned from Barbados she had sought legal advice from a London law firm. By June, she disclosed, the company was already considering closing down the Scum of the World – at least a month before the Milly Dowler crisis – in the hope that this would help billionaire tyrant Rupert Murdoch's bid to take over BSkyB. The jury were told of an e-mail, written by the company's director of public affairs, Simon Greenberg, in early June 2011, as News Corp sought to complete the takeover, which was known internally as Operation Rubicon. Reacting to an allegation that the Scum of the World had been involved in hacking computers as well as voicemail, Greenberg wrote: 'This is why we should consider the shut-down option. Is the brand too toxic for itself and for us?' Well-known Crystal Tipps lookalike Brooks said that she had previously discussed the possibility of closing the paper with Greenberg and with the company's general manager, Will Lewis.' Well-known Crystal Tipps lookalike Brooks said that she knew News International's position in 2009 that phone-hacking at the Scum of the World was down to 'a rogue reporter' was 'shaky' after she was shown documents that eavesdropping on voicemails went beyond the royal household, the Old Bailey has heard. And yet she, and the company, continued to publicly stick to this defence until January 2011. She told the phone-hacking trial that 'the corporate position' - that the unlawful interception was down to a single 'rogue' reporter on the paper, Clive Gooodman - had 'come from the News of the World editor Colin Myler.' The court heard that the Gruniad Morning Star article in July 2009 claimed News International had agreed a one million smackers out-of-court settlement with Gordon Taylor, the chief executive of the Professional Footballers' Association, whose phone had been hacked. Within two weeks, documents had emerged publicly which showed that the Scum of the World had transcripts of thirty five of Taylor's messages attached to an internal e-mail from a reporter Ross Hindley marked 'For Neville.' Well-known Crystal Tipps lookalike Brooks said that she was shown this e-mail over eighteen months before it emerged in public sometime in July 2009. She claimed that this showed 'the sort of emphaticness of the company's statement that nobody else knew that Glenn Mulcaire was going was looking shaky after that because this was an e-mail from someone at the News of the World.' Her defence counsel, Jonathan Laidlaw QC, put it to her that the article reported that private investigator Mulcaire had hacked thousands of phones and that the company had agreed the deal with Taylor 'to prevent details being made public.' Asked by Laidlaw if now, in 2014, she believed that Gruniad article 'to be true', well-known Crystal Tipps lookalike Brooks responded: 'Yes.' Asked if at the time she believed the article to be true, well-known Crystal Tipps lookalike Brooks responded: 'No I didn't.' Well-known Crystal Tipps lookalike Brooks claimed that she did not think the article supported her belief, now and then, that hacking did not take place during her own editorship of the Scum of the World in 2000 and 2003. She told the court that she had 'received a briefing' from police in 2006 following the arrest of Mulcaire that he had hacked between one hundred and one hundred and ten people. She said that nothing between the sentencing of Mulcaire and the paper's royal editor, Goodman, in 2006 and the Gruniad article in 2009 had 'suggested anything different.' Goodman and Mulcaire were extremely sentenced in January 2007; News International made a financial settlement with the paper's royal editor later that year and the matter of hacking was 'considered closed', the court heard. Well-known Crystal Tipps lookalike Brooks said: 'I was told they had settled with Clive but from May or June 2007 the entire subject almost went without any conversation.' Well-known Crystal Tipps lookalike Brooks was editor of the Sun in July 2009 when the Gruniad article was published but she was to be promoted to chief executive in September that year. She said that she 'seemed to remember' the article had suggested up to four thousand people had been hacked, but she did not believe this to be true when she read it in 2009. This was because she had received a briefing from police following Goodman's arrest suggesting the number of victims was a fraction of that when she met DCI Keith Surtees in 2006. 'He had said between one hundred and one hundred and ten victims. Nothing since that moment in 2006 and the public statement [of rogue reporter], the Press Complaints Commission [investigation], the sentencing; nothing had shown to me that this was not the case,' claimed well-known Crystal Tipps lookalike Brooks. The court heard of a second settlement with Max Clifford. He had been banned from dealing with the Sun and the Scum of the World by News International's chief executive Les Hinton in 2005, well-known Crystal Tipps lookalike Brooks said, and the company was keen to 'bring him back into the fold. News of the World, at the time, had paid Max Clifford millions and millions with the history of twenty-years plus,' she said. News International agreed to pay Mulcaire's legal fees specifically to stop him implicating other reporters in a court case that loomed after Clifford launched civil proceedings for damages over hacking. The firm's lawyer Tom Crone agreed to pay for Mulcaire to be represented after it transpired that he could be forced to identify who had commissioned him to hack phones if Clifford's case came to court. Brooks told the court: 'We were opposing that order – again this is in the context of a civil liability – on the basis that he was an unreliable witness going forward naming names, and both financially and reputationally we didn't want that to happen. The view was that he could say anyone or anything.' She said there were 'concerns' after it emerged during police disclosure that Mulcaire's notes appeared to include the names of 'other people' apart from the five victims named in the proceedings against him in 2008 which included Clifford. 'The list of potential civil claimants was growing sideways if you like,' she said under examination by her defence counsel. 'Our decision at News International was to settle as confidentially as possible to prevent further damage reputationally and financially.' She claimed that she had he 'inherited' such a policy and 'maintained it with Max Clifford.' Brooks, who became News International chief executive in 2009, said that News Group Newspapers, publisher of the Scum of the World and the Sun had 'fallen out' with Clifford and her predecessor, Les Hinton, had 'imposed a ban' on working with him. He had earned 'millions and millions of pounds' for stories from the publisher, she said. The jury heard that Brooks struck a deal with Clifford for two hundred thousand knicker a year in 2009 to resume business with the Sun and the Scum of the World, ending the three-or four-year ban. Brooks said he felt he needed to be compensated for loss of earnings over the blackout period. Asked if the civil case caused her concern that hacking might have taken place during her editorship, she replied: 'Absolutely not, at this stage we are still dealing with 2005 or 2006.' Asked whether whether 'throughout 2010' she ever 'had concerns' that hacking took place on the Scum of the World, which she edited between 2000 and 2003, she responded: 'No.' The court heard that the Gruniad reported Sienna Miller had launched civil proceedings for hacking in 2010 but Brooks felt suspending the Scum of the World reporter the paper claimed to be involved was 'not the right course of action.' At the time News Corp had launched a takeover bid for BSkyB and the Gruniad's revelation led to an exchange of e-mails with the then head of corporate affairs, Matthew Anderson. Brooks said that announcing the journalist's suspension was 'not going to change Vince Cable's view' of the bid. She commented on the BBC political editor Nick Robinson's view of the Miller article, jurors heard. 'He rubbished the whole thing and said it was one side of the civil case and total unprofessional reporting,' she said. Well-known Crystal Tipps lookalike Brooks is charged with conspiracy to hack phones, conspiracy to commit misconduct in a public office and conspiracy to pervert the course of justice. She is one of seven defendants in the trial. They all deny the charges.

It's one of the longest-running feuds in showbiz and is set to last even longer than a Tesla without a recharge. Jezza Clarkson's loathing of Piers Morgan was there for all to see on Sunday with the Top Gear presenter using his BBC2 show to give the (soon to be former) CNN talk show host both barrels in the chest and a stab in the kidneys with his bayonet. Introducing The Stig on Sunday night's show Clarkson told viewers: 'Some say that his hair is the same shape as a hat, and that if he worked for CNN he wouldn't get such pitifully low ratings that his show got cancelled.' Then, to Breaking Bad actor Aaron Paul, appearing as the star in a reasonably priced car, Jezza added: 'We know US networks, they're brutal. One minute you've got a chat show ...' All this after Jezza had also taken aim at Morgan with his Sunday Times column, dubbing the frightful, risible Morgan as 'a friendless, broken shell.'
The BBC has revealed further casting details of upcoming five-part drama The Secrets. Downton Abbey's Joanne Froggatt, World Without End's Ben Chaplin and Silent Witness actress Emilia Fox have signed up to appear in an episode written by Elinor Cook. Each thirty-minute episode of the Dominic Savage-directed drama will centre around a provocative incident told from separate viewpoints. Cook's episode focuses on a man who is married to two women as he leads a secret double life. Nick Payne will write two episodes of the series, starring previously announced cast members Olivia Coleman, Alison Steadman and Steve Oram, while Sarah Solemani will write and star in her own instalment as a bride-to-be who discovers her fiancé was once accused of a shocking crime. Ben Ockrent will pen an episode starring silly little Helen Baxendale, Anthony Welsh and Waterloo Road's Paige Meade, which revolves around a girl who turns up out of the blue claiming to be a boy's unknown sister. Head of Television for Working Title Television Juliette Howell said: 'I'm thrilled that Dominic has assembled such a stellar line up. It's hugely exciting to see so many of our finest actors bringing these original and distinctive new voices to life on BBC1.' Producer Guy Heeley added: 'It's really exciting to see these bold and ambitious stories being brought to life in such a compelling way by this incredibly high-calibre cast.' The Secrets started shooting last month and will be broadcast later this year.

Little-known singer-songwriter Molly Smitten-Downes is to represent the UK at this year's Eurovision Song Contest. The twenty six-year-old will carry British hopes in Copenhagen in May with her song 'Children of the Universe.' The singer has already had a small taste of the limelight after having a UK top ten hit in 2008 with Sash on the song 'Raindrops (Encore Une Fois)'. Her selection comes after high profile veterans Bonnie Tyler and Engelbert Humperdinck had humiliatingly struggled for the UK in the past two contests. Smitten-Downes, who is known simply as Molly on stage, said: 'To represent the United Kingdom in such a huge competition, not only as a singer and performer but as a songwriter is an unbelievable honour. I hope I can do us proud.' A BBC statement described 'Children of the Universe' as 'an anthemic, uplifting track specifically written with live performance in mind.' Smitten-Downes, from Leicestershire, enjoyed a brief appearance in the charts five-and-a-half years ago when she sang on an updated version of German DJ Sash's 1997 smash 'Encore Une Fois'. The 2008 version reached number nine in charts. For a week. Smitten-Downes followed that by loaning her vocals to the song 'I Will Learn to Love Again' from Swedish producer Basshunter's 2009 CD Bass Generation. She then embarked on a career with her own material. An experienced performer, she has supported such acts as Jake Bugg, Tinie Tempah, Labrinth and Chase and Status. After submitting her song to BBC Introducing, she gained support from BBC local radio in the East Midlands before being spotted by the corporation's Eurovision producers. 'BBC Introducing provided us with an extraordinary range of talent to explore and in Molly we found the perfect combination of contemporary songwriting and real vocal quality,' said BBC executive producer Guy Freeman. 'Her enthusiasm for the project is infectious and I'm sure that she'll gain huge support on the journey to Copenhagen.'

Which brings us, nicely, to Keith Telly Topping's A To Z Of Groovy Tunes. N, dear blog reader, is for The News.
'Oh you've got blue eyes ...'

Sunday, March 02, 2014

Week Eleven: M Is For Murder, Managerial Madness, Missing Episodes, Magic, Muzik, Moistness, Minimalism And Mean Motherfuggas

Mark Gatiss his very self will be visiting Brazil in March in a special publicity tour for BBC Worldwide to talk about British drama including his work on Doctor Who and Sherlock. It's aal reet for some, innit?! Marky, who is the co-creator and executive producer of Sherlock which has sold to over two hundred territories across the world, has been invited to speak at the prestigious Rio Content Market – an annual industry event for producers, TV content buyers and commissioners in Latin America. At the conference, he will be giving a presentation on his career in British drama with a focus on Sherlock and also An Adventure In Space And Time – the drama about the genesis of Doctor Who which he wrote and produced last year as part of the brand's fiftieth anniversary celebrations. He will also talk about his work writing for and acting in various episodes of the popular long-running family SF drama. The event will be hosted by TV journalist Liv Brandao and Brazilian stage director Claudio Botelho. As part of the tour, Gatiss will also be meeting fans at two events specially organised by BBC Worldwide. The first will be a screening of The Empty Hearse – the opening episode of the latest series of Sherlock, written by Gatiss and in which he stars alongside Benedict Cumberbatch as Sherlock's brother Mycroft Holmes. The screening will take place at Livraria Cultura (Cine Victoria) in Rio de Janeiro on Friday 14 March at 7pm. As part of the event, Mark will take part in a Q&A and signing session with fans. The second event will take place at Livraria Cultura in Sao Paulo at 7pm on Saturday 15 March. Fans will have the opportunity to ask questions about Mark's work on Doctor Who and Sherlock. He will also take part in a limited signing of Sherlock and Doctor Who merchandise. Commenting on the forthcoming tour Mark said: 'It's fantastic that British TV is being enjoyed all across the world and I'm really looking forward to meeting Brazilian Doctor Who and Sherlock fans!' Sherlock and Doctor Who have both seen notable growth in the Latin America market in the last year, with a huge number of fans engaging with both shows on social media. The official Sherlock Facebook page has seen an eighty per cent increase in the number of Brazilian fans in the last year and the Doctor Who page a fifty four per cent increase – the highest for any country in the world. Both series are broadcast on BBC Entertainment in Brazil which is a pay-TV channel wholly owned and operated by BBC Worldwide. They are also both available on Netflix in Latin America.

The other day, dear blog reader, when a picture of a very cold looking Peter Capaldi on location on the latest Doctor Who episode emerged, yer actual suggested that someone give the poor lad a hot water bottle. Someone, it seems, heard!
There now, isn't that better?

There's a terrific article on the ongoing Doctor Who missing episodes rumours at the Starburst website written by JR Southall which yer actual Keith Telly Topping encourages dear blog readers to cast an eye over.
In two of the least-surprising bits of telly recommissioning news ever, Call The Midwife and Death In Paradise have been renewed by BBC1. The Controller of BBC Drama Commissioning Ben Stephenson and BBC1 Controller Charlotte Moore confirmed that the two extremely popular series will both return for fourth series. Created by Heidi Thomas, Call The Midwife stars Jessica Raine, Miranda Hart, Jenny Agutter and Pam Ferris. Its current third series has consistently topped the Sunday night ratings, with the latest episode pulling in 8.8 million overnight viewers. Death In Paradise recently saw Kris Marshall replace the departing Ben Miller as its lead actor. Its third run has also topped the ratings - on Tuesday nights - premiering to more than seven million overnight viewers last month.

The Voice continued to top Saturday's overnight ratings, as 6.95 million punters tuned in to the first episode of Battle Rounds from 7pm. According to overnight data, just over thirty per cent of the total audience share watched the remaining contestants go head-to-head as the coaches were joined by guest mentors Katy B, Tinie Tempah, Dante Santiago, Leah McFall and Jake Shears. No, me neither. Any of them. In the same timeslot on ITV, 6.41 million tuned in to watch the latest episode of Ant and/or Dec's Saturday Night Takeaway. When the two shows went head-to-head between 7pm and 8:20pm, The Voice had the slight edge with an average of 6.44 million viewers against ITV's 6.41 million. However, in The Voice's final fifty minutes, from 8:20 to 9:10 when it was up against The Cube, it's average increased to 7.78 million with a peak of 8.18 million shortly before the climax. It would appear that both BBC and ITV have - at long last - found decent Saturday night winter entertainment formats which can act as credible and enjoyable alternatives to each other. How long has that taken? That both channels achieved around six-and-a-half million punters for shows on at the same time is, frankly, long overdue. Also on BBC1, the medical drama Casualty was watched by 5.15 million at 9.20pm, while 4.14 million watched the football highlights on Match Of The Day at 10.30pm. That's - by a distance - the most watched episode of the year so far. It's peak came at around 10:45pm, just topping five million (5.02m) - one wonders why on Earth that happened. I mean, it's not as if anything controversial or newsworthy happened in yesterday's Premiership games, is it? BBC2's biggest ratings of the evening came from the classic sitcom Dad's Army, which attracted 1.95m at 7.15pm. New clip show series The Perfect Morcambe & Wise launched with 1.33m at 7.45pm, followed by Darcey Bussell's Ballerina Heroines which drew in 1.34m. Back to ITV, The Cube kicked off its eighth series with 3.75m at 8.20pm, as noted getting thoroughly twanked by The Voice, while The Jonathan Ross Show was watched by 2.13m with interviews from Dara O'Briain, Kristin Davis, Ice Cube and Claudia Schiffer at 9.20pm. Channel Four's most-watched programme of the night was weather documentary The Storms That Stole Christmas with eight hundred and fifty thousand at 8pm. US drama Hostages continued to struggle somewhat with six hundred and twenty thousand at 9pm, while a showing of the Matthew McConaughey vehicle The Lincoln Lawyer pulled in seven hundred and ninety thousand punters at 10pm. Channel Five brought in six hundred and six thousand for a feature-length episode of NCIS from 6.30pm, followed by Live International Boxing at 9.10pm, which was watched by seven hundred and fifty nine thousand. BBC4's Salamander once again topped the multichannel ratings. Eight hundred and fifty two thousand watched the evening's first episode at 9pm and seven hundred and ninety seven thousand tuning in to the second episode at 9.45pm. ITV3's repeat of the Inspector Morse prequel Endeavour attracted seven hundred and seventy three thousand at 9pm, while Doc Martin was seen by six hundred and ninety seven thousand earlier at 8pm. A showing of Alex Pettyfer's I Am Number Four brought in six hundred and thirty eight thousand at 9.10pm on BBC3.

Inspector George Gently remained on top of the overnight ratings on Thursday outside of soaps, according to the latest figures. The BBC1 crime drama rose by nearly two hundred thousand punters to 5.6 million at 8.30pm. Earlier, Pound Shop Wars brought in 4.99m at 8pm, while Question Time was seen by 2.56m at 10.35pm. BBC2's Permission Impossible garnered 1.34m at 7pm, followed by The Hairy Bikers' Asian Adventure with 2.05m at 8pm. The documentary Jumbo: The Plane That Changed The World interested 1.34m at 9pm. A Mock The Week repeat amused 1.10m at 10pm. Make the most of it whilst you can, dear blog reader, because if Dara Ó Briain keeps making his mouth go in Danny Cohen's general direction then it might not be very long for this world. On ITV, the Europa League match featuring Stottingtot Hotshots' hard-fought victory over yer actual Dnipro Dnipropetrovsk scored, if you will, 3.2m at 7.45pm. Channel Four's Supersize vs Superskinny appealed to 1.38m gawping voyeurs at 8pm. The Storms That Stole Christmas attracted 1.90m at 9pm. On Channel Five, Henry & Anne: The Lovers Who Changed History had an audience of nine hundred and fourteen thousand at 8pm. The Hotel Inspector continued with 1.14m at 9pm. On E4, How I Met Your Mother attracted six hundred and seventy thousand at 8.30pm. Sky1's The Smoke was watched by three hundred and twenty four thousand at 9pm.

Jonathan Creek returned to BBC1 on Friday night with an overnight audience of 6.33m, over four million punters more than anything else in the 9pm slot. Now, that's what this blogger calls mullering the opposition, even though the episode seems to have had something of a mixed reception from those who have expressed an opinion about it, loudly, on the Internet. For what it's worth, this blogger rather enjoyed it, although it was hardly House of Cards. BBC1 kicked-off the evening with 4.36 million for The ONE Show at 7pm, followed by 3.04m for A Question Of Sport immediately after. Room 101 was seen by 3.61m at 8.30pm, while The Graham Norton Show, which featured guests Ant and/or Dec, Naomi Campbell and Aaron Paul, had an audience of 3.77m at 10.35pm. For the second week running, Student Nurses: Bedpans and Bandages was ITV's highest-rated show outside of soaps, picking up an average of just 2.75m at 8pm. After the evening's second visit to Weatherfield at 8.30, the latest episode of Edge Of Heaven was viewed by 1.75m from 9pm. Don't hold your breath waiting for that one to get a second series. On BBC2, Permission Impossible attracted 1.26m at 7pm, Mastermind secured an evening high of 2.17 viewers at 8pm, Coming Home was seen by 1.30 million at 8.30pm, and The Pity Of War secured nine hundred and ninety thousand at 9pm. Eight Out Of Ten Cats Does Countdown was Channel Four's highest-rated overnight show with 1.86m at 9pm. It was preceded by Grand Designs with 1.22m at 8pm, and followed by The Last Leg with 1.06m at 10pm. On Channel Five, Ice Road Truckers was the evening's highest-rated show, narrowly beating Booze, Bust-Ups & Brothels: Soho Blues. The shows were watched by by 1.04 and one million viewers respectively. BBC3's evening movie, Little Fockers, was among the highest-rated multichannel programmes, seen by seven hundred and twenty one thousand at 9pm.

Bizarre telly fact number one (in a recurring series), dear blog reader: This week's Jonathan Creek episode (which, as noted, he rather enjoyed in an undemanding way) was directed by the legend that is David Sant (Cartoon Head off Ideal). If you knew that already, just smile and nod and pretend that you didn't.
And, speaking of Jonathan Creek, yer actual Alan Davies has said that it would be 'amazing' to star in the popular drama 'for another ten years.' Alan told the Digital Spy website that he will play the amateur detective for as long as creator David Renwick wants to continue the series. 'It's entirely up to David,' the actor and comic said. 'I would do more if he wanted to write them. I do enjoy doing it and the viewing figures are still amazing. I think if they dropped off, David would have to make the call.' The comedy-drama returned for its first full series in ten years on Friday. 'It just becomes more and more entrenched in people's minds, I think,' Alan said of the show's appeal. 'David is a master craftsman. He writes scripts that are so dense and complex that it is unimaginable for most writers to even attempt them.' Alan also promised a more mature Jonathan in the new series. 'The duffle coat is on the costume rail but it hasn't been brought out for any scenes,' he said. 'Who wears the same duffle coat for seventeen years?' Well, a couple of yer actual Keith Telly Topping's mates, as it happens. I've had words. Anyway, the new three-part Jonathan Creek series sees the amateur detective team up with his wife Polly (played by Sarah Alexander) to solve mysteries in the usual way. 'David wanted to write about a married couple - he wanted to write ongoing serious relationships,' Alan explained. Sarah added: 'First of all, Polly is not keen but she soon gets drawn into it all. Some of the mysteries are very personal to her - especially the first episode. There are people from her childhood [involved] so she is part of it, she is part of the puzzle.'

Top Gear executive producer Andy Wilman has said that there is 'no end in sight' for the show. Which will, no doubt, cause explosive outbursts of extreme stroppiness and some throwing toys out of prams at the Gruniad Morning Star, the Daily Scum Mail and other opinionated newspapers. Good. Hope they bruise their feet whilst stamping them in a reet temper. Wilman told Broadcast magazine that 'talks' about future series will soon commence with hosts Jezza Clarkson, James May and Richard Hammond, whose current deals with the BBC expire in 2015. 'When we look stupid or when we think we are flogging a dead horse [we'll stop], but that hasn't happened this series,' the producer said. 'It's better than the last series, which was a bit ropey. There's clearly an appetite, it's still there. So, we'll start talking [about future series] soon.' The latest series of Top Gear opened with 5.34m overnight punters earlier this month, with the most recent episode pulling in 5.55m on Sunday 23 February.
Brooding, Byronesque ball of sexy maleness Aidan Turner is to star in a new adaptation of Poldark for BBC1. The Being Human star will play Ross Poldark in Debbie Horsfield's adaptation of Winston Graham's acclaimed saga. Set in Eighteenth Century Cornwall, Poldark is an eight-part hour-long series and will commence filming on location in Cornwall and Bristol from April. 'I'm very excited to play Ross for the BBC,' said Turner, who also stars in The Hobbit movies. 'It's obviously a huge challenge to honour the extraordinary character Winston Graham created and who Debbie Horsfield has brought new life to. But there's a terrific team coming together and the scripts are superb, so I can't wait to get started.' Poldark will follow the rebellious Ross as he returns from the American War of Independence to his family's ancestral home, only to find that his beloved county has dramatically changed during his absence. Ben Stephenson, the BBC Drama controller, said: 'We are really excited. [Aidan] is a brilliant actor, he is part of the BBC family, we are incredibly thrilled he is coming back from Hollywood from The Hobbit in order to lead Poldark for BBC1.' The BBC previously produced a - hugely successful - adaptation of Graham's Poldark novels in the 1970s, starring Robin Ellis as Ross and the late Angharad Rees as Demelza. The new series will air on BBC One in 2015. Further casting for the series is yet to be announced.

Dara Ó Briain has 'clarified' his recent comments concerning the BBC's ban on all-male panel shows. As this blogger thought he might need to after, seemingly, coming very close to offering Danny Cohen out for fight. Which, admittedly, would've made for rivetting telly. The Irish comedian, who 'faced a backlash' - on Twitter if not, actually, anywhere that matters - after criticising the announcement said that he is 'all in favour of the policy' to include more women on panel shows like Mock The Week. Speaking on The Jonathan Ross Show, he said: 'The headline gave the impression that I'd said I was against this particular ruling. I'm not against this particular ruling, I've had meetings in the BBC in which I've said, "Do you know what this has been a stick to beat Mock The Week for a while, and it shouldn't be and we should make sure that there are, but my view is that we shouldn't announce that as a policy."' Dara maintained that the decision to announce the ban will make future female guests appear like 'token women.' He noted: 'I love the women we bring onto Mock The Week but when I do that bit at the start in front of the audience before the cameras are on, I do my own warm-up and I bring everyone out, I'm bringing out six different acts, some of whom are new, some of whom they're not familiar with, I have to make the audience go "well we're in safe hands" when this person speaks, be they male or female. I don't want this policy hanging over [me] every time I bring out a female guest. I'm all in favour of the policy, I was against the announcement.' However, he added that it will be 'difficult' to have female guests on Mock The Week, given the fact that there are far fewer female stand-up comedians. 'The problem with Mock The Week is they have to be stand-ups. Stand-up unfortunately, for whatever reason, is ninety-ten male-female.'

Agatha Christie's most successful novel and two of her lesser-known sleuths are to be brought to the screen as part of a series of BBC programmes marking the one hundred and twenty fifth anniversary of the author's birth. And Then There Were None, Christie's most-read book, is to be adapted by Sarah Phelps into a three-part drama. David Walliams, meanwhile, will play one half of the married detective duo Tommy and Tuppence in six-part series Partners In Crime. A series of documentaries about the British crime writer are also planned. Ben Stephenson said he was 'delighted that the great British institution that is the BBC' was entering 'a long-term relationship' with such a 'brilliantly British' author. Born in 1890, Christie is best known as the creator of Hercule Poirot and Jane Marple and the author of the long-running West End play The Mousetrap. The new dramas follow the conclusion of ITV's long-running Poirot series, which saw David Suchet portray the legendary Belgian detective. Whether they are continuing with their Marple series is not, at this time, known. Though less well known, the husband-and-wife duo Tommy and Tuppence Beresford also appeared on ITV in feature-length 1983 drama The Secret Adversary. Francesca Annis and James Warwick played the couple on that occasion, going on to reprise their roles in Partners In Crime the following year. They also appear in one of Christie's best later novels, By The Pricking of My Thumbs (1968). Yer actual Keith Telly Topping's late mother was an avid and knowledgeable Christie reader. The cover of the 1973 imprint of By The Pricking Of My Thumbs with its depiction of a sinister looking doll with a cracked face (see left) used to scare the effing bejesus out of the young Keith Telly Topping, so it did. Christie's Tommy and Tuppence novels spawned a trio of French films, starring Andre Dussollier and Catherine Frot, which renamed the characters Belisaire and Prudence. An adaptation of By the Pricking Of My Thumbs also appeared in 2006 as an episode of the Granada television series Marple even though Christie did not write Jane Marple into the original story. In that version, Tommy and Tuppence were played by Anthony Andrews and Greta Scacchi although, unlike in the book, Miss Marple and Tuppence play the detective roles while Tommy is away on intelligence business. It is not yet known who will play Tuppence to Walliams's Tommy in the latest adaptation of their crime-solving adventures. 'In bringing these thrilling stories to the screen, it is our ambition for Tommy and Tuppence to finally take their rightful place alongside Poirot and Marple as iconic Agatha Christie characters,' said the forty two-year-old. 'I was first drawn to the delicious notion of a married couple solving crimes together, and the more I read of the Tommy and Tuppence novels and short stories I realised they are among Christie's very best work.' In their early appearances, the couple were portrayed as rather atypical upper-middle class 'bright young things' of the 1920s,and the stories and settings have a more pronounced period-specific flavour than the stories featuring the better known Christie characters. And Then There Were None was the US title for a 1939 mystery that was originally published in the UK under a different title - there's no other way to say this, I'm afraid, Ten Little Niggers. (The BBC News website, in announcing the commissioning of this, managed not to use the awful 'N' word, merely noting that the original title had been 'derived from a traditional nursery rhyme.' The original name of the mystery has long been abandoned as offensive. It was changed when that word became socially unacceptable in the 1960s - although, arguably, it should have been socially unacceptable long before then.) The novel - which is a genuine, twenty four carat masterpiece and a huge influence on the entire genre of crime fiction ever since - concerns ten strangers marooned on an island who are killed off one by one. It was Christie's most popular novel, selling more than one hundred million copies worldwide. Phelps is known for her work on BBC soap EastEnders and her TV adaptations of the Charles Dickens novels Oliver Twist and Great Expectations. Walliams was recently seen in BBC1 comedy Big School - which was really poor - and on the West End stage in Shakespeare's A Midsummer Night's Dream. Mathew Prichard, Christie's grandson, said it was 'fantastic' to have the author 'welcomed with such enthusiasm in her all-important one hundred and twenty fifth anniversary year.'

And so to the latest batch of yer actual Top Telly Tips and that:-

Saturday 8 March
With the continental powers pushed to the brink of war, Sir Edward Grey seems unsure as to whether Britain should keep out of the impending conflict in the final episode of Thirty Seven Days - 9:15 BBC2. Desperate negotiations, resignations and a battle of wills in the Cabinet reach a climax with Germany's ultimatum to Belgium demanding the right of free passage across the country for its troops. Political thriller, starring Ian McDiarmid.

If you missed it first time around, Keith Telly Topping highly recommends the particularly fine episode of Endeavour shown tonight on ITV3 - 9:00. In Fugue, young Constable Morse meets his intellectual match when a serial killer haunting the streets of Oxford keeps himself one step ahead of the law and leaves cryptic messages to goad the police. At first glance, it seems to be the work of a deranged lunatic, but the elaborate staging of the crimes suggests method in the madness - and a macabre sharing of the sleuth's passion for opera. As Morse's world-weary boss, Roger Allam is wonderful, forever in danger of stealing the show. The double act develops nicely in this episode, with Fred Thursday equally good as benign father figure or as a despairing boss. As Morse offers another insight into the criminal mind, Thursday drawls at him 'You'd find something suspicious in a saint's sock drawer.' Their challenge is a case right up Morse's alley – musical, cryptic and gruesome. It leads the viewer step-by-step from a woman strangled in a train yard through various operatic twists. It never goes too far, but entices us with a trail of crumbs through a mystery that gets better and better as it goes on, testing Morse's character as well as his intellect. Starring Shaun Evans, with Anton Lesser, Sean Rigby and James Bradshaw.

The detectives locate the revival ministry which they believe Dora Lange attended and after questioning the church's volunteers they learn she was once seen leaving with a tall man whose face was scarred in episode three of the superb True Detective - 9:00 Sky Atlantic. Cohle scours previous homicides that could be linked to the case and gets another lead that takes them on a state-wide trail, questioning everyone from fishermen to school janitors. Meanwhile, Hart's jealousy gets the better of him when he spots Lisa on a date with another man. The best thing Woody Harrelson has been in for twenty years. The best thing Matthew McConaughey has been in ever. This is a gloriously grim and nasty, Gothic trawl through the dark underbelly of Americana. 'You are like the Michael Jordan of being a son-of-a-bitch!' If you haven't caught up with this one yet, dear blog reader, don't wait any longer, find some and dive in, feet first. It's not always easy, and not just in terms of the subject matter (the thick Louisiana accents are particularly impenetrable at times) but the acting and the dialogue are truly outstanding and the alt.country-flavoured soundtrack (put together by T Bone Burnett and featuring a theme tune by The Handsome Family) is the cherry on the cake.

Sunday 9 March
Jenny is assigned to first-time mother Jeanette in tonight's series finale for Call The Midwife - 8:00 BBC1. Jeanette requires frequent visits during a protracted labour, and when she meets her patient's cousin, Philip, a new friendship begins to grow for the midwife. Meanwhile, Chummy worries about her mother's illness when she discovers Lady Browne has discharged herself from hospital. Jessica Raine and Miranda Hart star.
Tonight's Top Gear - 8:00 BBC2 - is the first of a two-part programme in which Jezza Clarkson, Richard Hammond and James May are challenged to build a bridge over the River Kwai in Thailand. In order to do that, however, they have to drive across Burma, a country which has been largely closed to Westerners for more than forty years. And, they must make the perilous cross-country trip in three lorries, each bought - sight unseen - from the Internet on a limited budget. What follows is an epic journey of beautiful scenery, regular adversity, ongoing malfunction and the constant bickering of the three men.
Phillip Schofield and The Curiously Orange Christine Bleakley present the last-ever final of Twatting About On Ice - 7:00 ITV - before it gets the long-overdue chop. Good riddance to bad rubbish, frankly. Don't let the door hit your arse on the way out.

Tonight's - allegedly - 'big' movie on BBC3 at 7:30 is Batman & Robin (1997), considered by many movie-goers to be one of the worst films ever made by anyone. Ever. Personally, this blogger's always had something of a soft spot for it. I mean, Alicia Silverstone in a schoolgirl outfit, what's not to love?
Monday 10 March
The quarter-finals of University Challenge continue - 7:30 BBC2 - with two teams of four students battling it out to make it to the next stage of the competition as they try to win two matches and progress to the semi-finals. Jeremy Paxman asks the questions and provides the withering sarcasm.

When eighteen-year-old Charlie became pregnant, her boyfriend Ricky was made to promise her father he would stand by her as we find out in the latest episode of One Born Every Minute - 9:00 Channel Four. He's determined to prove he can be a good dad, but as the baby's arrival draws nearer, the atmosphere is tense in the delivery room. Meanwhile, vicar's wife Sheona has reservations about becoming a mother for the second time, and young couple Chloe and Adam hope for a simple labour after their first child was rushed to intensive care at birth.

On a desperate search for his abducted daughter, Banks puts pressure on Al to lead him to Jaff, without success in the final episode of the current series of DCI Banks - 9:00 ITV. However, Al later offers to help - at a price - and the detective contemplates breaking every rule in the book to meet his demands. Meanwhile, the result of Cabbot's internal investigation has led to Morton's immediate suspension. With her career seemingly in the balance, Tracy in danger and Banks's relationship with Annie close to breaking point, how far will he go to keep his family together? Crime drama, starring Stephen Tompkinson, Andrea Lowe and Caroline Catz.
Tuesday 11 March
The Scotland-based crime drama Shetland returns - 9:00 BBC1 - for the first of three two-part stories. Detective Inspector Jimmy Perez and his team investigate the murder of a teenage girl whose body was found on a secluded beach, and time and again the same name crops up - that of local recluse Magnus Bain, whose home overlooks the crime scene and who had forged an unlikely friendship with the victim. But then the public prosecutor draws attention to the unsolved disappearance of a girl 19 years previously - a case that shares several similarities with this one. Douglas Henshall and Julie Graham star, with a guest appearance by Brian Cox. No, the other one.

Sherlock and Joan delve into New York's criminal underworld when the son of a mob boss is discovered decapitated in an oil drum twenty one years after his disappearance in Elementary - 9:00 Sky Living. While unravelling a web of corruption in the city, Watson shares surprising information from her childhood, before bad blood between Holmes and Bell threatens to trigger a brawl. Guest starring Paul Sorvino from Goodfellas.

In Fossil Wonderland: Nature's Hidden Treasures - 9:00 BBC4 - Professor Richard Fortey travels to fossil sites around the world to learn more about the distant past. In the first episode, he visits the Rocky Mountains to explore a five hundred and twenty-million-year-old fossilised seabed containing bizarre and experimental lifeforms that have revolutionised our understanding about the beginnings of complex life. Among the finds are marine creatures with five eyes, worm-like scavengers covered in spikes, and a metre-long predator resembling a giant shrimp. Sadly, you can't get one of those stir-fried with curry and boiled rice at your local takeaway. Although, it would be excellent if you could.

Wednesday 12 March
Denton fights for her life as disturbing details emerge of a conspiracy involving corrupt officers and Arnott uncovers startling new details about the detective's personal life which appear to support her claim that she is being framed in the latest episode of the properly superb Line Of Duty - 9:00 BBC2. Meanwhile, Hastings puts his career on the line to pursue a high-level target. Crime thriller, starring Martin Compston, Vicky McClure, Adrian Dunbar and Keeley Hawes.
Tonight sees the return of Law & Order: UK - 9:00 ITV - the detective drama starring Bradley Walsh. Ronnie and new partner Joe lead the investigation into the death of jeweller Harry Bernstein, who has been found with his hands and teeth missing. His wife, her lover and a former business associate are all possible suspects, but the case takes a surprising turn when the victim's sister receives a gruesome delivery. She's on the jury for the trial of a drug dealer and murderer who Ronnie has been trying to nail for years, and the threat to her points to jury tampering, so Jake and Kate have to take a dramatic approach to win the case. The problem is, they're up against a formidable defence barrister. Co-starring Peter Davison, Ben Bailey Smith, Dominic Rowan and Georgia Taylor. With guests silly little Helen Baxendale and Christopher Fulford. Old Bradley, as usual, puts in a rather attractive, nuanced and world-weary performance that belies his sometimes perceived reputation as something of a one-trick pony. His really very good in this.

The documentary Astronauts: Living In Space - 9:00 Channel Four - is the first of three programmes in the Live from Space season made in collaboration with NASA, explores what it is like to live and work outside Earth's atmosphere for months at a time. Astronauts Rick Mastracchio, Koichi Wakata and Mike Hopkins talk to their wives back home, reveal the effects of microgravity on their bodies and demonstrate how their environment affects the way they approach day-to-day tasks such as eating, sleeping and washing.

Thursday 13 March
Maggie Aderin-Pocock and Chris Lintott explore how sound can reveal extraordinary secrets about the universe, from orchestral tunes rippling on the surface of the sun to the crackle of Jupiter's atmosphere in the latest The Sky At Night - 7:30 BBC4.

Hidden Histories: WW1's Forgotten Photographs - 9:00 BBC4 - tells its story through the use of soldiers' photography during the First World War. Some British and German troops marched into battle with secret vest pocket cameras in the hope of recording what they believed would be a great adventure, however few were prepared for the horrors they would witness. The photos, many of which have never been seen in public before, provide an account of their lives in the trenches and their rapid loss of innocence, and the programme follows their relatives as they search for the secrets hidden in their ancestors' images.
Tonight's repeat of Lewis - 8:00 ITV3 - is one of the series' best episodes, Counter Culture Blues. The detective discovers that his favourite 1970s rock and/or roll band are on the verge of a comeback - along with their singer, Esme Ford, who has made a shocking reappearance, seemingly from beyond the grave, having faked her own death thirty five years earlier. But when an orphan is found dead on the other side of town, a forensic link leads Robbie Lewis and James Hathaway to suspect the aged rockers are somehow involved. The climax and the denouement stretch credulity almost to breaking point but it's great fun to see, in particular, Joanna Lumley (as Esme) and Simon Callow (as the band's shifty manager) camping it up in such style. David Hayman and silly little Helen Baxendale also guest star alongside Kevin Whately, Laurence Fox Rebecca Front and Clare Holman.
Friday 14 March
Just when it seemed the Creeks couldn't be any happier, a cloud suddenly appears on the horizon in the shape of a glamorous weather forecaster who leads Polly to believe she and her husband share a rather unusual and intimate secret in the third and last episode of Jonathan Creek - 9:00 BBC1. And, as if their lives weren't complicated enough, the couple's cleaning lady embarks on an evening with a hunky male escort that ends with an act of teleportation, which leaves even Jonathan lost for words. Then, the morning mail brings a photograph designed to send a shiver down Polly's spine - but who took it? Alan Davies and Sarah Alexander star, with Josie Lawrence, June Whitfield and John Bird.

Back, after its mid-season break, The Blacklist continues - 9:00 Sky Living - with another excellently paced and plotted episode. Red gives Liz Keene the low down on an illegal adoption organisation responsible for a spate of baby abductions. The case hits close to home with the agent, considering her own plans to become a mother, which makes her all the more determined to catch the criminal running the agency. James Spader, Megan Boone, Diego Klattenhoff, Harry Lennix and Parminder Nagra star.
The Byrd Who Flew Alone - 9:00 BBC4 - is a documentary about the enigmatic former Byrds frontman the late Gene Clark, drawing on interviews with his family, friends and fellow musicians. Since the Missouri-born songwriter's death in 1991 at the age of just forty six, his songs have been covered by artists ranging from Robert Plant to Yo La Tengo, and he has been hailed as a key influence by generations of musicians - and yet arguably failed to enjoy the success his work deserved and which his band-mates Roger McGuinn, David Crosby and Chris Hillman received.

To the news, now: BBC1 has announced new drama commissions from Lenny Henry and Steve Pemberton. Danny And The Human Zoo is a one-off ninety-minute drama written by Henry - who was last funny, briefly, in around 1983. The script is described as 'a fictionalised memoir' of the former comic's life as a working-class teenager in 1970s Dudley. 'I've crammed the first two years of a very long career into ninety minutes - it's gonna rock,' Henry claimed. This blogger, in advance, bears to differ. Mapp And Lucia, meanwhile, is an adaptation of EF Benson's novels, penned by Inside Number Nine co-creator Pemberton. The comic drama is comprised of three hour-long episodes and set in the summer of 1930, when Mrs Emmeline Lucas - known to her friends as Lucia - decides to take a holiday in the small English town of Tilling. BBC1 has also ordered five-part drama called Doctor Foster from award-winning playwright Mike Bartlett, who previously scripted the ITV drama The Town. The series will follow Doctor Jenny Foster - a popular and trusted GP - who discovers that her husband is having an affair. As more secrets start to spill out, Foster learns that her life will never be the same again.

The BBC and BSkyB have resolved their long-running row over retransmission fees with the corporation no longer having to pay to put its channels on the pay-TV platform, saving four and a half million smackers a year in licence fee money. They have also agreed a new long-term carriage deal for BBC services and the iPlayer on-demand service on Sky's satellite platform. The BBC had threatened to start charging Sky for its content if it did not drop the annual fee, which also applied to the three other public service broadcasters, ITV, Channel Four and Channel Five. ITV will also benefit, saving around two million knicker a year after reaching an agreement with Sky last month to drop the fee as part of carriage negotiations for its pay-TV drama channel ITV Encore. In a joint statement, the two broadcasters said: 'Sky and the BBC have reached an agreement which reduces the BBC's payments for platform services to zero. Alongside this, both parties have reached an agreement that secures the long-term availability of BBC channels and BBC iPlayer on the Sky platform. We will also continue to discuss opportunities that offer Sky customers new and innovative ways to discover and consume BBC content.' The BBC had previously paid four and a half million quid a year in retransmission fees with the three other public service broadcasters, ITV, Channel Four and Channel Five, footing a combined bill of around ten million notes. The issue was made a priority by the BBC's director of strategy and digital, James Purnell, and BBC Director General, Tony Hall. The BBC raised the stakes last year, threatening to charge Sky for its content, following a call by the lack of culture minister the vile and odious rascal Vaizey for the satellite broadcaster to scrap the charges earlier in 2013. The BBC has previously argued that its content underpinned Sky's profits and the charge should be dropped. Sky had argued that the BBC was benefiting directly from its billions of pounds of investment and technical services supporting its forty nine radio and TV channels on the platform. The BBC's retransmission bill was ten million quid a year until it was reduced three years ago.

Sheridan Smith is to star in new BBC1 drama The C Word. The ninety-minute one-off piece is based on Lisa Lynch's candid book and has been adapted by Nicole Taylor. Smith will play Lisa in the drama, described as 'a defiant, ballsy account' of one woman's experience of cancer. Lisa chronicled her experiences in a blog, which served as the basis for her book and had a profound effect on many people across the world. Lynch - who died in 2013, aged thirty three - gave her full support to the project, working with writer Taylor and assisting in the casting of Smith. 'Her zest for life was infectious,' said Smith. 'I was moved and inspired by her courage and bravery. I couldn't help but love her. That's why I want to tell her story. I'm so sad that Lisa won't get to see the finished drama, having been so involved in the development of it. I'm honoured and humbled that she wanted me to play her on screen, and I hope that I will make her proud.' The C Word will start filming in May.
Stellan Skarsgård is to front another new BBC1 drama, River. The Thor star will play a police detective in the six-part thriller from The Hour creator Abi Morgan. Skarsgård's character, John River, is 'a brilliant but troubled officer' whose fractured mind is the key to his crime-solving genius yadda, yadda. So, it's Luther with a Scandinavian, basically. The sixty two-year-old Swedish actor is best known for his film work, including roles in 2011's The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo, the Pirates Of The Caribbean sequels and the recent Nymphomaniac. 'River is full of intriguing twists and turns and I was truly gripped when the script came in,' said Charlotte Moore, the Controller of BBC1. 'Abi's one of Britain's most distinctive and original storytellers, and her ability to push the boundaries of the genre in surprising ways makes River her perfect debut on BBC1.' River will be filmed this year and will broadcast on BBC1 in 2015.

Ripper Street's Jerome Flynn has thanked fans for helping to bring the show back. Although, whether those who whinged about its cancellation will be quite so prepared to pay to watch new episodes is, as yet, untrested. The period thriller - axed by the BBC in December - will get a third series as part of a co-production deal with Amazon Prime Instant Video - formerly LoveFilm. In a post on his official Facebook page, Flynn - who plays Bennet Drake in the series - revealed that filming on the new episodes will start in May. 'It's wonderful news and I want to thank you all for being such a huge part in getting the show back,' the actor wrote. Flynn added that Ripper Street had suffered 'what felt like a premature death. I know everyone involved is keen to make [the new episodes] even better than the first two series and I really do believe we can do that,' he continued. The third series of Ripper Street will debut online and will then be shown on BBC1 at a later date. Amazon Prime Instant Video is yet to decide if it will release the new episodes in one batch or in instalments.

Rebecca Ferguson (no, me neither I'm afraid) collapsed during her performance on Loose Women on Thursday. If you missed it, don't worry, you weren't the only one. The singer was on the ITV lunchtime chat show to promote her new single 'All That I've Got'. Living up to the song's title, it would seem, Ferguson fell to the floor during the show's end credits just after she finished singing the song. Ferguson later assured her fans (all three of them) that she was fine, tweeting: 'I am feeling much better will rest today. So sorry to worry everybody, I fought through that song but at the end had nothing left.' So, it would appear, it truly was all that she had. Who'd have thought it?
Well-known Crystal Tipps lookalike Rebekah Brooks has told the phone-hacking trial that she approved payments to public officials - but only when there was 'an overwhelming public interest.' She claimed that she had agreed payments on 'a handful of occasions' between 1998 and 2009, when she held senior roles at both the Sun and the Scum of the World. Public officials had approached the papers asking for money in exchange for information, she alleged. Well-known Crystal Tipps lookalike Brooks denies four charges including conspiracy to hack phones. She told the jury she had 'sanctioned payments to a public official in the line of their work.' Her barrister, Jonathan Laidlaw QC, asked her: 'Were there occasions where there were approaches [by public officials] for money for the exchange of information.' She replied: 'Yes. My view at the time was that there had to be an overwhelming public interest to justify payment in those very narrow circumstances to a public official being paid for information directly in line with their job,' she said. Questioned about how many times this had happened, she replied: 'A handful of occasions - half a dozen.' Laidlaw asked: 'So there had to be an overwhelming public interest, and if there was not?' She replied: 'If there wasn't a public interest defence then it was not done because it was considered to be illegal.' Well-known Crystal Tipps lookalike Brooks was also questioned about claims that an Ministry of Defence press officer, Bettina Jordan-Barber, received payments of one hundred thousand big ones for information which she provided to the Sun. Asked if well-known Crystal Tipps lookalike Brooks knew the source of this information was a public official, she replied that she did not. Laidlaw took her through a series of stories in the newspaper which had followed payments to Jordan-Barber, along with an e-mail sent by a journalist from the Sun to Brooks in November 2006. The e-mail read: 'Morning boss, I wondered if you would please authorise the following payments for my number one military contact?' The court heard that the sum amounted to four and a half grand and that well-known Crystal Tipps lookalike Brooks e-mailed back within a minute with the response: 'Of course.' She told jurors that she would not have had any 'reason to doubt' the reporter in question. 'I'm not reading this e-mail as we are now, looking for something wrong', she explained. The former editor said that there were 'never any complaints' from the Ministry of Defence about the stories or where the information was coming from. However, she said that the former prime minister Gordon Brown did complain to the Sun over stories on the treatment of troops. Earlier, well-known Crystal Tipps lookalike Brooks, giving evidence for a fifth day, telling the jury that she had made 'lots of mistakes' as editor of the Sun. In 2003 the paper published the headline Bonkers Bruno locked up after the boxer Frank Bruno was admitted for psychiatric treatment. Well-known Crystal Tipps lookalike Brooks told the court that this was 'a terrible mistake', and said that she had a 'complete blind spot' when agreeing to the headline. 'He had not been well, and we talked to him about it and we did everything we could to make up about it,' she claimed. The headline had been spotted by her then partner, hard man actor Ross Kemp, and she claims that she phoned the newsroom to have it changed. In another example, she said it had been 'cruel' to label the Labour MP Clare Short 'fat and jealous' for campaigning to stop the paper printing images of topless women on page three. For 'cruel' read barely human. Well-known Crystal Tipps lookalike Brooks said 'balance went right out the window' in attacks on the social worker Sharon Shoesmith after the death of Peter Connelly - known as Baby P. And, she told the court that the headline Ship ship hooray about the suicide of Harold Shipman, a doctor who murdered numerous patients, had been 'in bad taste.' You think? The jury was also shown some stories which well-known Crystal Tipps lookalike Brooks claimed that she was proud of. Earlier she told the court that, as editor of the Sun, she had regular meetings with senior politicians, police officers, defence chiefs and security services officials. She said that most of these guests came to the newspaper's offices, but she had to travel to meetings with the security services. Politicians often wanted to discuss the 'good things they were doing', she said, while she met armed forces chiefs to discuss the conflicts in Iraq and Afghanistan. Well-known Crystal Tipps lookalike Brooks also declared her 'embarrassment' at not paying a public official for the MPs' expenses story when she was editor of the Sun. She has admitted sanctioning payment for a story about Saddam Hussein threatening to 'swamp Britain with anthrax poison' in 1998, refusing requests from both M15 and M16 not to run it. Largely because, as we now know, it was a load of bollocks. Well-known Crystal Tipps lookalike Brooks told the jury that her 'failure' to buy the disk with unredacted details of MPs' expense claims was 'one of the greatest mistakes' of her career. 'In terms of errors of judgment, it's probably quite high on my list,' she told the court, adding that her procrastination had led to her being 'scooped' by the Daily Torygraph in May 2009 when she was editor of the Sun, shortly before being promoted to News International chief executive. 'My news team came to me to say they had heard the unredacted information to do with the MPs' expenses fraud could be available but it was going to cost quite a lot of money. It was something I had to consider carefully,' she said. 'I thought about [it] for too long. I drove my news team crazy with my indecision.' Well-known Crystal Tipps lookalike Brooks added: 'I remember when the CPS did not go to prosecute because of the high level of public interest, it was quite embarrassing that we didn't get it [the story].' Well-known Crystal Tipps lookalike Brooks also told the jury on Thursday that there were half-a-dozen occasions that she could recall where she signed off on payments to public officials. On Friday the court heard of one example when, in 1998, someone who was 'clearly' a public official phoned the Sun to say 'the secret service were covering up a plot by Saddam Hussein to bring in anthrax to this country.' Well-known Crystal Tipps lookalike Brooks told how, in trying to corroborate the story, the security services were alerted to the Sun's investigation and she was summoned to Downing Street. 'I remember representatives from MI5, MI6, GCHQ, Downing Street and lawyers who may have been representing some of the parties,' she said. 'First of all by its very nature, [the meeting] confirmed what the public official was telling us was true.' Well-known Crystal Tipps lookalike Brooks, who was deputy editor of the Sun at the time, was in charge of the paper as the editor was away. She was asked not to proceed with the story but decided it was in the public interest and went ahead splashing with story Saddam anthrax in our duty frees. The alleged 'source' was allegedly identified after an internal inquiry as a chief petty officer and he was subsequently extremely prosecuted. Well-known Crystal Tipps lookalike Brooks was being questioned by her defence counsel, Jonathan Laidlaw QC, in relation to a charge that she conspired to cause misconduct in public office by sanctioning payments of thirty eight grand to public officials between 2004 and 2012. The payments have been linked to one particular source, Bettina Jordan-Barber, a Ministry of Defence official, and did not relate to the Westminster MPs story or the Hussein story, which was published in 1998. Well-known Crystal Tipps lookalike Brooks denies knowing Jordan-Barber or knowing that she was a public official, but introduced examples in her career where she would have considered paying public officials as a way of explaining to the jury that if she had known the MoD official was the source, she would have to consider the public interest test for publication. She was charged after police found eleven e-mails from a Sun reporter requesting her approval for payment for stories from Jordan-Barber, who he described as his 'number one military contact' or his 'ace military contact.' On several occasions, well-known Crystal Tipps lookalike Brooks told jurors, she was 'not in the office' when stories based on information provided by Jordan-Barber were published. On one occasion Brooks was in Russia or Italy, where News Corp had 'a lot of business interests.' On another occasion, her diary showed the story in question appeared after the News International summer party on 17 June 2009. 'Charlie and I had got married the week before and we could not go on honeymoon because of the board meeting in town that week,' well-known Crystal Tipps lookalike Brooks said. The day after the News International party, she received an e-mail from a Sun reporter requesting her authorisation for payments to his 'top military contact.' 'Great "do" last night by the way, met lots of people,' he wrote before requesting approval for four grand payment for a story. The jury was also shown an e-mail discussing the alleged 'cover-up' of the killing of Brazilian electrician Jean Charles de Menezes in the wake of the 7/7 bombings in 2005. One e-mail showed that the Sun's police 'source' believed that the former Home Secretary Charles Clarke was the source of a leak to the Scum of the World about an alleged cover-up of the killing at Stockwell tube station. The jury saw an e-mail from a Sun reporter telling her that his alleged 'source' had allegedly said: 'Dick says the leak on Stockwell cover-up came from Charles Clarke.' The reporter explained that he had requested five hundred smackers 'for info on an exclusive we had last week about Kate Moss drug dealer [sic] being quizzed.' He also needed money 'to smooth along' another story. 'I'm not sure it's wise putting this kind of thing down on e-mail where this is a permanent record,' he added. Wisely, as it turned out. Well-known Crystal Tipps lookalike Brooks was asked by Laidlaw what this could possibly have meant. She replied that it could be read as meaning that the reporter 'did not want to put information about his sources on e-mail' or, she said, 'if you want to see something more sinister in it you could have read he did not want this payment to be discussed on e-mail.' She added: 'It could be he should not be putting the name of the source of the Stockwell cover-up on an e-mail.' Well-known Crystal Tipps lookalike Brooks told jurors that the reporter was 'very senior' and that the tone of the last line in the e-mail was 'a bit chippy.' She said: 'It could have been that he did not want to be questioned on the cash for one of his many sources.' The jury was sent home at lunchtime on Friday after they were told by the judge that well-known Crystal Tipps lookalike Brooks had found her six days in the witness box 'tiring.' Well-known Crystal Tipps lookalike Brooks is one of seven defendants who deny all the charges against them. The trial extremely continues.

A former Surrey police officer has become the latest person to be charged under Operation Elveden. The Crown Prosecution Service has announced that Simon Quinn is to be charged over allegations that he took payments for stories over an eleven-year period between 2000 and 2011. A spokeswoman for Surrey police confirmed he was a former officer on the force. The CPS has not identified any newspapers involved. Since the Elveden investigation was launched by Scotland Yard almost three years ago, eighty four journalists and public officials have been extremely arrested and fifty two charged. Earlier this week three Sun journalists and one former Daily Mirra reporter were told they would face charges under Elveden along with four public officials. A CPS statement said Quinn would appear before Westminster magistrates' court on 10 March on the charge that he 'conspired together with journalists and other persons unknown to commit misconduct in a public office contrary to section one Criminal Law Act 1977.'

Lisa Kudrow must pay her former manager $1.6m, after a jury agreed that she owed him money from earnings she received from repeats. Scott Howard worked as Kudrow's manager for sixteen years, before she terminated their contract in 2007. Howard took legal action in 2008 claiming that he was owed five percent of Kudrow's earnings from continuing residuals of work negotiated previously by him. The actress has denied agreeing on the payments and is said to be planning to appeal. The fifty-year-old is best known for playing Phoebe Buffay in the hit sitcom Friends, which ran from 1994 to 2004. A jury in Los Angeles ruled in favour of Howard following testimony from expert witness Martin Bauer, a long-standing Hollywood agent and manager, whom the judge - who had initially ruled in Kudrow's favour - allowed on appeal. The witness said that he had never had a commission cut off because he had been fired. 'I would never make that deal,' Bauer told the jury. 'The only consequence of a termination is on future projects.' Bauer testified that it was 'common practice' in the industry to take a cut of earnings made from ongoing repeats. In the UK alone, Friends was on constant rotation on Channel Four and E4 for several decades - between the end of the show in 2004 and 2011. It is now shown on Comedy Central. And, probably will be for the rest of time. Kudrow claimed that she and Scott had an 'oral agreement' which stated that the actress would pay a cut only on the first round of repeats. In court, she claimed that Howard had, at first, refused her terms, but later relented. However since no terms were submitted in writing, the jury found in favour of Scott. 'The jury's verdict is merely one step in the legal process,' said Kudrow's lawyer, Gerard Sauer. 'This case ultimately will be resolved at the appellate level. Ms Kudrow has faith in the judicial system and she believes that the eventual outcome of this contractual dispute will be in her favour.' Speculation had suggested the actress could be ordered to pay as much as eight million dollars to her former manager. The manager earned eleven million bucks during their long working relationship, with Kudrow earning more than one million dollars an episode by the end of Friends' run in 2004.

A camera fault which gave the impression a TV reporter was sinking into the studio floor has been fixed, BBC Look North has said. A clip of Caroline Bilton's lunchtime report on Monday has been viewed more than seven hundred thousand times on YouTube. The reporter seemed to see the funny side of it, tweeting: 'Well I'm globally famous it would seem and for all the wrong reasons! The power of the web! Glad it's making people smile.'Good on ya, Cazza.
Though, it's still not as funny as this.

The ONE Show presenter Alex Jones is to spend three days up a US mountain to raise funds for Sport Relief. And to give everyone back home a break from her shrill screeching. Jones will scale the vertical Moonlight Buttress in Utah's Zion National Park, which is twelve hundred feet high. Jones, who has no climbing experience 'except for the odd tree', said it was 'a daunting prospect.' Viewers of the BBC1 programme will be able to watch her progress from 17 to 20 March. They are being asked to sponsor Jones' effort to raise thousands of pounds for good causes. And, if they sponsor a lot, she might be persuaded to stay up there a bit longer. The Welsh presenter, who has spent three months 'intensively' training for the climb, said: 'I can't quite get my head round hauling my body weight up one of North America's tallest vertical rock faces. I'll also have to try and master suspended sleeping and the delicate issue of "toilet etiquette", but the thought of helping those in need will get me through.' One presumes that the toilet etiquette involved in rock climbing is you drop yer strides and shat on anything which happens to be below you. Which, let's face it, is one of the few actual pleasures in such an activity. Jones added that she was 'compelled to say "yes" to the challenge' despite her lack of experience. The effort of hauling herself up the vertical rock face and clinging on to its surface will lead Jones to burn around seven hundred calories an hour. Davina McCall recently completed a seven-day, five hundred mile endurance test which culminated with a marathon run. Her efforts have raised in excess of seven hundred thousand quid for Sport Relief.

Yer actual Keith Telly Topping's beloved (though unsellable) Newcastle United are in the headlines - yet again - for all the wrong reasons this Sunday morning. Manager Alan Pardew has apologised after, unbelievably, hoying-the-heed-in on Hull City's midfielder David Meyler during Saturday's Premier league clash. The daft pillock. Pardew was, rightly, dismissed to the stands after the incident during the second half of The Magpies' 4-1 victory at the KC Stadium. Which, not only soured an otherwise excellent day for The Toon but is likely to have serious repercussions for Pardew his very self and, possibly for the club as well. I mean, for pity's sake dear blog reader, you just can't do that if you're a player let alone a manager who is supposed, in theory, to be setting an example. Even if there was some provocation on the part of Meyler - which subsequent television pictures suggested was the case - it was and is completely out of order. Without wishing to prejudge what's likely to happen now, it is probable that the Football Association will want to throw the sodding book at Pardew - who has quite a bit of previous in relation to touchline incidents. In addition to a lengthy ban and a significant fine he could, potentially, also be facing investigation by The Law and, if Magpies owner, the odious disgrace Mike Ashley, is looking for an excuse to break Pardew's eight year contract, maybe even dismissal for gross misconduct. One presumes there is likely to be a provision in said contract which states that the manager probably shouldn't go around sticking the nut on opposition midfielders. So, once again, Newcastle are in the headlines for all the wrong reasons and none of the rights ones, on a day when Pardew's side, for once, actually played like they meant it, producing a classy counter-attacking display. Pardew said after the game: 'I did not mean any damage to the guy but I have moved my head forward. I tried to push him away with my head. I should not have done that. I apologise to everyone. I should not have got involved in it.' Well, yes, you shouldn't. But, it's a bit late for all that now, isn't it? Goals from Moussa Sissoko (seconds after Tim Krul had made a miraculous double save at the other end) and Loic Remy gave The Magpies a deserved half-time lead. Hull briefly threatened a revival when Curtis Davies headed in Tom Huddlestone's free kick shortly after the resumption. Sissoko then struck again to restore Newcastle's two goal advantage, pouncing when Hull keeper Allan McGregor could only parry Yoan Gouffran's fierce twenty yard drive following a swift, four-man break away. The impressive Vurnon Anita's first league strike for the club, deep into injury time - after good work from Dan Gosling and Paul Dummett - rounded off the victory to the delight of the visiting supporters from Tyneside. By then, however, assistant manager Johnny Carver was overseeing proceedings from the touchline, following Pardew's crass behaviour and dismissal. With The Magpies 3-1 up, Pardew was angered when Meyler angrily barged past him in an attempt to retrieve the ball to take a throw-in. The pair came together, with the former Reading and Southampton boss pushing his head into the face of the Hull player. Whilst not quite a full-blown 'Glasgow kiss', there was still clearly enough intent from Pardew to make any subsequent claims of self-defence unconvincing. And, to be fair to Pardew, at least he didn't try to claim that. There was, quite simply, no excuse for Pardew's over-reaction to what was, in the great scheme of things, a fairly innocuous incident at a point when the game seemed wrapped up in his side's favour. Whatever sanction the FA add to those already given by the club will be justified - not least because of his well-documented previous. A fracas involving players and staff from both sides followed (Yoan Gouffran managing to stop his manager from, seemingly, being intent on planting one on anything that moved in an orange and black shirt at one point). When the melee was dispersed, Meyler (hardly the innocent party that he's being presented as by some) was booked for his part in the ugly incident and Pardew was, rightly, sent from the touchline. The referee, Kevin Friend, actually handled the incident very well and got it pretty much spot on in terms of who was the blame for what. The Newcastle boss, who in 2012 was given a two-game ban for pushing an assistant referee, added: 'It was a situation where I should not have been there. I will sit down from now on and send John Carver out there.' You might have little or no choice but to sit down, matey, quite possibly at home given that a n out right Stadium ban for at least a couple of games seems likely. Pardew admitted that his behaviour had 'taken the gloss off a magnificent performance from my team.' Which it certainly did. It also let the players, the club and, most importantly, the supporters down. Although, as usual, it's not as if anyone involved in Newcastle United ever seems particularly bothered about letting the supporters down - they do it so well and so often. He added: 'The players were terrific; it was only myself who had a poor performance all-round. I am very, very pleased with the team but very upset with myself. Of course I apologise; I represent a big club.' Yes, you do. Although, for how much longer is another question entirely. That said, being the contrary sod he is, Ashley's next move was one of, qualified, support for his manager, and the assertion that Pardew's job was safe. This surprised many. The club's public reaction, in the form of a statement on its website late on Saturday evening, said that they were 'disappointed' with Pardew's 'unacceptable' behaviour but had taken his immediate apology and, seemingly sincere contrition, into consideration and issued him with a one hundred thousand smackers fine and a formal warning - as opposed to, what, an informal one? That could help to draw the line under the incident from the club's point of view, whatever caning Pardew is to receive from the FA notwithstanding. For anyone doubting the job security that Pardew currently enjoys, the events at Hull and the club's timely response confirms he remains, for the moment at least, in credit with the owner. Whether that remains so in the coming days and weeks, time will tell. It usually does. Shortly after full-time, but before Pardew had apologised live on national telly, a leading bookmaker suspended betting on the next Premier League manager to be sacked. Well, that was certainly helpful, I don't think - as, indeed, were comments by, seemingly, ever ex-player that Sky and the BBC could round up for an opinion. When once-in-a-generation minds like Jamie Redknapp and Robbie Savage (a player who spent his entire career provoking opponents) and failed previous Magpies manager Graeme Sourpuss are sticking their oar in and paddling furiously, you know it's probably time to take a step back and let the professionals get on with administering the necessary chastisement. Hull boss Steve Bruce, displaying his usual opportunistic glee at shoehorning himself into any Newcastle United story with a casual 'well, as a Geordie myself ...' line while simultaneously squirting salt tears into his eyes with a pipette, claimed that he 'sympathised' with his Newcastle counterpart because of the 'pressure' managers are under, and then praised Meyler for staying on his feet. Bruce told Radio 5Live: 'I'm sure Alan's absolutely regretting it and questioning himself, asking "how the hell have I done that?" The pressure on all Premier League managers is enormous. It's not like Alan, he's an established Premier League manager. I'm delighted with the reaction of David Meyler because other people would've been rolling round the floor. We've all done silly things in the heat of the moment.' Mind you, and without wishing in any way to minimise the seriousness of this incident, it must be noted that this blogger was watching Sky Sports' Soccer Saturday at the time the incident happened and the melodramatic way in which Jeff Stelling, Paul Merson and co were commenting on it, you'd have thought the Hindenburg had just crashed all over again. Oh, indeed, the humanity. And that. Pardew also received support, on Twitter, from Joey Barton. By Hell, things just get worse and worse for him, don't they? Anyway ... to the only good news to come out of all this: United's win keeps them in eighth place in the Premiership, two points behind The Scum and four ahead of Southampton on forty three points. Their next game will be against Fulham at Craven Cottage in a fortnight's time. Who will be in charge of the team when that takes place is, as noted, a question best left for another day.

The Aurora Borealis its very self has been giving rare and spectacular displays over parts of the UK, as far south as Essex on Thursday evening and Friday morning. The lights have been clearly visible off the East coast, in Northumberland, Humberside and Norfolk, as well as parts of the West coast and in South Wales. The Northern Lights appear as shimmering waves of light when atoms in the Earth's high-altitude atmosphere collide with energetic charged particles from the sun. The BBC's tame astronomer, Mark Thompson, said that seeing the Aurora Borealis in the UK was 'a rare treat.' Yer actual, his very self, has only ever seen them twice previously (and one of other was only last year).
And finally, dear blog reader, sometimes you find the most wonderful things on t'Internet.
For the latest Keith Telly Topping's A To Z Of Groovy Tunes, we reach M. M, dear blog reader is for ... well, M.