Friday, May 03, 2013

I Have No Need For Friendship, Friendship Causes Pain

Martin Freeman his very self has revealed that he has 'no objections' to doing a fourth series of Sherlock. The actor, who is currently filming for the third series of the BBC's hit crime drama with co-star yer actual Benedict Cumberbatch, said that he is 'very loyal' to the programme. Freeman told Empire: 'I believe in doing things for as long as people love them, and all I can say is that I really love the show. I feel very loyal to it and I like doing it for as long as they want to do it and as long as we all want to do it.' Freeman confirmed that he initially turned down the role of Bilbo Baggins in The Hobbit due to scheduling issues with Sherlock, and claimed that the reaction to the detective drama has been 'unlike any I'd had [in] any other job. I've got some great reactions to things I'm very proud of, but I don't think any surpass Sherlock in terms of critical acclaim and number of people watching - and just a general feeling that you're in a mini Beatlemania,' he explained. Freeman's co-star Cumberbatch recently suggested that Sherlock would definitely be back for at least a fourth series, although the BBC is yet to officially confirm this. Seems jolly likely, though, if Benny and Marty want to carry on doing it, as they've now both said they do.

After months of speculation about which, if any, previous Doctor Who actors would return for the show's fiftieth anniversary episode, David Tennant alone has been confirmed by the BBC. The new issue of Doctor Who Magazine states: 'Although David Tennant has returned to his role of The Tenth Doctor, the other old Doctors will not be taking part.' The hour-long 3D episode, which will be broadcast in November, began filming in April. However, rumours have continued to suggest that all eleven present and former Time Lords would be involved, with those three who have died being 'recreated using technology.' Including a story as recently as this week in the - accurate and reliable as usual - Daily Lies which claimed that's exactly what would be happening. Presumably, that'll be the same episode to feature Lady Gaga and Eric Cantona and Holly Valance as Buffy Summers? Early in April, the BBC released a statement confirming that Christopher Eccleston, who played The Doctor in 2005, would not be appearing despite having been 'in talks' with Doctor Who writer The Lord Thy God Steven Moffat (Thou Shalt Worship No Other Gods Before He). Moffat has previously said he wants to 'move The Doctor's story onwards' in the episode, rather than to embrace nostalgia. He said: 'It is important you don't turn it into a fanfest. We can't make this all about looking backwards. It's actually got to be the start of a new story.' However, the BFTA-winning writer and Sherlock co-creator is notoriously secretive about future Doctor Who adventures. While just having one returning Doctor may seem to some rather disappointing in comparison to ten, Tennant's inclusion may be a way of Moffat moving the story on and still keeping at least some of the fans happy. In the series four finale, a newly regenerated second Tenth Doctor was sealed off in an alternate universe to live as a human with his companion Rose (Billie Piper, who is also returning for the anniversary episode). If he returns as a human, rather than a Time Lord, then the previous story could be picked up and continued in an exciting way. It'll also explain why Tennant looks a few years older than when he last appears, something that couldn't be done with, say, Tom Baker.
Doctor Who is to début a specially recorded prequel to its finale episode via the BBC's red button service. A prelude to The Name of the Doctor will be available to watch immediately following Neil Gaiman's Nightmare in Silver on Saturday 11 May, according to the Radio Times. The three-minute episode will see The Doctor and Clara speak directly to camera, as each considers how little they know about the other. The Name of the Doctor promises to resolve the ongoing mystery surrounding Clara, while showrunner Steven Moffat (Thou Shalt Worship No Other Gods Before He) has also claimed that the episode will 'change the course of Who forever. It's full of surprises and questions that have never been answered in the history of Who, including The Doctor's greatest secret,' he said. The finale prequel will be available to users of the red button service from 7.40pm to midnight, every evening up until The Name of the Doctor is broadcast on Saturday 18 May.

In probably the least unexpected turn of events in TV this year, twenty nine-year-old part-time DJ and former credit controller Natalie Coleman became the eleventh MasterChef champion and the third female winner in the TV cookery programme's history, after a gruelling eight weeks of culinary challenges. A peak audience of 6.34 millions viewers on BBC1 saw Natalie beat fellow finalists Larkin Cen and Dale Williams - both from Cardiff - to the title of Britain's best amateur cook, during a final challenge in which she cooked a three-course banquet of lobster tail with compressed fennel, roast pork belly with pork tenderloin and pomme purée and vanilla chocolate pannacotta with bitter chocolate tuile, caramelised pears and hazelnut crumble biscuits. Coleman, who grew up in Hackney and Chingford and describes herself as 'a proper cockney', cor blimey, wot a West 'am, I was at Violet's funeral, described her win as 'a dream come true. This is probably the best thing that's ever happened to me in my life.' Judges John Torode and Gregg Wallace said that they had been impressed by her unflappable delivery of exceptional, well-flavoured food. 'I think Natalie is destined for great things,' said Torode. 'She not only understands finery of great food but she cooks for the people, food that people want to eat. She makes people smile. And she's not fazed by a thing. Natalie's got it, she is a very, very clever woman and her food is fantastic.' Coleman said she had learned to cook as a young girl, helping her grandfather in the kitchen, and had spent the last two years cooking for him after his wife died. Asked about her future, she said: 'I want to learn as much as possible under great chefs and possibly go into food writing once I've learned a lot more about food. Depending on how good I get, my own restaurant one day would be amazing.' Natalie said that she had considered a career in catering when she was a teenager. 'But then I went off the idea and wanted to be a PE teacher, then a firefighter,' she said. 'But my mum said as I was good at maths, I should go and do something in finance. I'm quite good at what I do, but it's not what I love. This is probably the best thing that's ever happened to me in my life,' she continued. 'It's like a fairy tale really, the girl from Hackney done good.' Natalie was clearly the strongest of the finalists, her cooking getting better and better as the competition developed and, throughout the final week there was little doubt in most viewers' mind that she was going to be the champion. Larkin, yer actual Keith Telly Topping's tip for the title a couple of weeks back, on the other hand, went in the opposite direction, suffering a series of challenges where, quite simply, his bottle seemed to go. A bit as his food looked beautiful, and indeed, did Dale's.

MasterChef had an average overnight audience of five and a half million viewers for its final on BBC1 on Thursday evening. The cooking competition's series' finale attracted 5.58m across the hour at 9pm with, as noted above, a peak audience of 6.34m towards the end. Later, Question Time was seen by 2.93m at 10.45pm. On BBC2, the World Snooker Championship covered baffling attracted 1.17m at 7pm. Watson & Oliver was watched by five hundred and ninety four thousand punters at 10pm. The Politician's Husband dropped nearly eight hundred thousand viewers from last week's premiere, attracting 1.71m at 9pm. ITV's coverage of Moscow Chelski FC's Europa League win against Swiss club Basel was seen by 3.78m at 7.30pm. On Channel Four, Secret Eaters brought in 1.54m at 8pm. True Stories was seen by 1.67m at 10pm.

All Star Mr & Mrs returned to ITV with over four million overnight viewers on Wednesday evening. Phillip Schofield's fifth series of the game show was watched by 4.33m crushed victims of society at 8pm. Scott & Bailey continued at 9pm with 4.37m. MasterChef's penultimate episode was the most watched show of the evening outside of soaps on BBC1, rising to 5.22m at 9pm. Watchdog was seen by 4.40m at 8pm. On BBC2, the - seemingly endless - snooker coverage continued with nine hundred and fifty thousand at 7pm, while Coast brought in 1.75m at 8pm. This World's mafia documentary secured an audience of 1.27m at 9pm. Channel Four's Phil Spencer: Secret Agent was seen by 1.13m at 8pm. Twenty Four Hours in A&E saw its audience dip to 2.05m at 9pm (although it did pick up another five hundred thousand on C4+1), while Ten O'Clock Live climbed from the previous week to nine hundred and fifty two thousand at 10pm. On Channel Five, NCIS was watched by 1.11m at 9.15pm. BBC4's new series Stories From The Dark Earth began with four hundred and forty six thousand viewers at 8pm, followed by the documentary Nelson's Caribbean Hell-Hole with six hundred and seventy five thousand at 9pm.

UKTV has announced new Freeview channel Drama. The station will launch on 8 July and feature shows including Pride and Prejudice, Catherine Cookson's The Cinder Path, Sharpe, Tipping The Velvet, Auf Wiedersehen Pet, Cranford and Lark Rise to Candleford. UKTV controller Emma Tennant said: 'Drama is targeted at a different audience demographic than our other highly successful free-to-air channels, Dave, Yesterday and Really. The channel is aimed at people who simply love drama and want to watch critically-acclaimed shows that have absolutely defined the landscape of British television.' She added: 'I am very passionate about the subject and discussing the programmes that will create Drama's schedule has just been brilliant fun. I'm genuinely excited about the launch of Drama both as a viewer and as controller.' General manager of drama Adrian Wills added: 'Drama lovers' prayers have been answered. This channel represents the best drama content within the genre and we are confident that viewers will enjoy these celebrated shows.' The channel is UKTV's first new station since the launch of Really in May 2009. 'The stated target audience for the Drama is ABC1 adults', apparently. And for what yer actual Keith Telly Topping's thinks about all this 'ABC' media bollock-speak, see here.
Presenter, writer and Monty Python's Flying Circus member Michael Palin will be awarded a BAFTA fellowship at its TV awards on 12 May. Palin, who turns seventy on Sunday, said it was 'a very high honour', adding that his success was 'down to teamwork. I've been blessed throughout my career with the inspiration and support of others,' he added. 'The fellowship is for all of us.' BAFTA chairman John Willis said Palin had made 'an incredible contribution to the medium over five decades.' Palin, who began his career as a writer for The Frost Report in partnership with Terry Jones, is a founding member of world-renowned comedy troupe. He has also fronted a string of critically acclaimed travel documentaries, including Around the World in Eighty Days, Pole to Pole and Full Circle. His other TV credits include include 1960s sketch show Do Not Adjust Your Set, Ripping Yarns and the Alan Bleasdale drama GBH. He won a BAFTA film award in 1989 for his supporting role in A Fish Called Wanda and received a special award in 2005. Willis said Palin's 'amiable on-screen manner belies the seriousness of his craft', adding there were 'few individuals more worthy' of the British Academy of Film and Television Arts' highest honour. The BAFTA TV awards will be hosted by Graham Norton at the Royal Festival Hall in London and will be broadcast on BBC1.

Being Human's Damien Molony is to appear in the next series of Ripper Street. The Irish actor will play a guest role in the BBC period thriller's second series, which was announced in January. Though details of his role are yet to be confirmed, Molony was spotted on set for Ripper Street in period costume. Matthew Macfadyen, Jerome Flynn and Adam Rothenberg star in the Sunday night drama, which is set in London's Whitechapel in the months after Jack the Ripper's reign of terror. The fifth and final series of Being Human was shown on BBC3 earlier this year, drawing to a close in March. Molony's co-star Michael Socha has since landed a role in ABC's Wonderland pilot - a spin-off from popular fantasy drama Once Upon a Time. Ripper Street - created by Richard Warlow - will broadcast eight new sixty-minute episodes on BBC1 in 2014.

Diana Vickers has landed her first TV role in an upcoming Sky Living comedy. The former X Factor contestant will appear in Give Out Girls, which will be broadcast later this year. Him & Her actress Kerry Howard and ex-EastEnders actress Tracy-Ann Oberman will also be in the cast of the project. Give Out Girls will focus on a group of promotions girls who attempt to sell a variety of products to clients. Vickers told the Sun: 'I'm so excited about doing my first comedy show. It's different from any acting I've done before. The script is hilarious - I was laughing my head off just reading it. The rest of the cast are great, we all have really good chemistry. I can't wait to get in front of the camera and start filming.'

Wizards vs Aliens is to make its American premiere on the cable channel The Hub. The CBBC series from Russell Davies will make its Stateside début on 1 June. The show's opening two-parter Dawn Of The Nekross will be shown as a double-bill from 7pm, with new episodes then following weekly each Saturday at 7.30pm.
A bodyguard for former News International chief executive and well-known Crystal Tipps lookalike Rebekah Brooks has been charged with conspiracy to pervert the course of justice, the Crown Prosecution Service has said. The charges against David Johnson, forty seven, relate to inquiries into phone-hacking and payments to public officials. Johnson is accused of conspiring to hide computers and other items from police between 15 and 19 July 2011. He was bailed to appear at Westminster Magistrates' Court on 8 May 2013. It is alleged that Johnson - self-employed of London Road, Mitcham - conspired with six people, including the former newspaper executive and well-known Crystal Tipps lookalike and her husband, millionaire Old Etonian Charlie, who have already been charged. The charges were made under Operation Sacha - Scotland Yard's investigation into allegations of perverting the course of justice relating to Operation Weeting, its phone-hacking inquiry, and Operation Elveden, which is investigating alleged naughty and illegal payments to public officials by journalists. Senior CPS lawyer Gregor McGill said: 'Following a careful review of the evidence, we have concluded that David Johnson, a security professional who was employed to provide a protection service to Rebekah Brooks, should be charged with an offence of conspiracy to pervert the course of public justice. It is alleged that between 15 and 19 July 2011 Mr Johnson conspired to pervert the course of justice by concealing computers and other items from the Metropolitan Police Service during its investigation into allegations of phone hacking and the corruption of public officials by journalists.'

Odious greed bucket, horrorshow (and drag) Alesha Dixon has revealed that she feels 'unsatisfied' as an artist and that she 'aspires' to have her own chat show. Which will, presumably, then satisfy her. And, knowing the utterly shite state of the TV landscape at the moment, where any old five-minute-wonder can say they want to do something and executives go down on their knees just begging for a lick of that sweet, sweet pie, she'll probably get one as well. Hopefully, if and when it occurs, it'll be just as huge and satisfying and spectacular a flop as when Davina McCall thought she had what it took to be the next Parkinson a few years ago.
From one odious greed bucket, horrorshow (and drag) to another. Steve Clarke has branded the insult Adrian Chiles aimed at Peter Odemwingie at West Bromwich Albino's awards dinner as 'stupid and ridiculous.' The Albino's manager said that the full-of-his-own-importance sacked breakfast TV flop, who was hosting Sunday night's event and is a lifelong fan of the club, was 'out of order' for calling Odemwingie 'a twat' when attempting to make a joke at the expense of the striker. Announcing an award for 'Tweet of the year', Chiles said: 'Oh, no, sorry, it's "Twat of the year", and the winner is Peter Odemwingie.' Odemwingie, whose relationship with West Bromwich Albinos broke down after he failed to force through a move to Queens Park Strangers in January and subsequently criticised the club in a series of outbursts on Twitter, was not present at the awards evening, after Clarke gave him permission to stay away. The thirty one-year-old is, however, known to be upset by Chiles's comments. Clarke has yet to discuss the incident with Odemwingie, who has not played for Albinos since 30 March, when he came on as a substitute in the defeat at The Hamsters, but he made it clear that he felt Chiles had overstepped the mark and said that someone with the broadcaster's experience 'should know better. It was out of order,' Clarke said. 'It was a ridiculous comment to make. I didn't like it. I didn't say anything about it at the time but I'm saying it now – it was a stupid comment. It was out of place – it was a West Bromwich Albion awards night. There was no place for that kind of comment. It was a throwaway line from somebody who should know better. Peter's one of my players. I've said it all season, I protect my players fiercely; that's why I didn't like it. There wasn't time to saying anything [about it] on the night.' Clarke said that it would be 'down to the club' whether Chiles, who has not been available for comment, was ever invited back to host the event again. The Albino's coach said that he 'understood' why Odemwingie had no desire to be present on Sunday. 'Peter had permission from me not to go to the event. I think he was concerned that if you go to an event like that, then it's to celebrate the season. If somebody comes out with a wrong comment or something that's not right, then it can work against you. Peter didn't want to go. I respect that.' Clarke said he was 'not aware' if Odemwingie had decided to make a formal complaint about Chiles. 'I don't know if Peter has made any representation to the club,' he said. 'He wants the chance to play and that opportunity will come again before the end of the season. Peter's not been frozen out, I don't do that to my players. My relationship with Peter and the rest of the players is good.' In a separate development unrelated to the fallout from Chiles's faux pas, Gordon Taylor, the chief executive of the Professional Footballers' Association, on Thursday met Odemwingie, Mark Jenkins, the Albino's chief executive, and Richard Garlick, the club's sporting and technical director, to discuss the internal disciplinary action taken against the player, which included a six-figure fine, following remarks he made on Twitter.

Broadcaster Stuart Hall has admitted fourteen charges of indecently assaulting girls including one aged nine. The eighty three-year-old of Wilmslow - now revealed to be a dirty old scallywag and rotter - pleaded extremely guilty at Preston Crown Court to the offences, involving thirteen victims, which occurred between 1967 and 1985. Three charges of indecent assault and one of rape will lie on the court file. His lawyer said Hall apologised to his victims and added: 'He is all too aware that his disgrace is complete.' He has been bailed until sentencing on 17 June. A BBC spokesperson said: 'The BBC is appalled by the disgraceful actions of Stuart Hall and we would like to express our sympathy to his victims. We will continue to work with the police to assist them in this and any other inquiries they are making.' Hall admitted the offences last month but they could not be revealed due to reporting restrictions. Chief Crown Prosecutor for the North West, Nazir Afzal, described Hall as an 'opportunistic predator.' He added: 'We prosecuted Stuart Hall because the evidence of the victims clearly established a pattern of behaviour that was unlawful and for which no innocent explanation could be offered. His victims did not know each other and almost two decades separated the first and last assaults but almost all of the victims, including one who was only nine at the time of the assault, provided strikingly similar accounts. Whether in public or private, Hall would first approach under friendly pretences and then bide his time until the victim was isolated. I would like to thank the victims for having had the bravery to come forward. This case clearly shows that the victims of abuse will not be denied justice by the passage of time and abusers will be held to account.' Afzal said the Crown Prosecution Service would not be proceeding with the rape charge as the woman who made the allegation no longer wished to give evidence in light of the guilty pleas. The court heard in the 1980s Hall molested a nine-year-old girl by putting his hand up her clothing. He also kissed a thirteen-year-old girl on the lips after he said to her: 'People need to show thanks in other ways.' On another occasion in the 1970s he fondled the breast of a girl aged sixteen or seventeen, the court was told. Hall was initially arrested in December and made a statement labelling the claims 'pernicious, callous, cruel and above all spurious.' He has been a familiar face and voice in British broadcasting for half-a-century, and was awarded an OBE in the 2012 New Year Honours. The former It's A Knockout presenter was working as a football commentator on BBC Radio5 Live and wrote a weekly sport column for the Radio Times magazine until his arrest.

Coronation Street actor William Roache has 'strenuously' denied raping a fifteen-year-old girl in the 1960s. Roache, eighty one, is accused of two counts of rape in Haslingden between April and July 1967. The actor, who plays Ken Barlow in the ITV soap, said in a statement through his lawyers: 'I am astounded and deeply horrified by the extraordinary events of the last twenty four hours.' He is due to appear before Preston magistrates on 14 May. Roache was arrested at his home in Wilmslow on Wednesday. He said: 'I strenuously deny the allegations and will now focus my full attention on fighting to preserve my innocence in the challenging times ahead. I would like to offer my sincere thanks to all those people who have offered me their support and good wishes at this difficult time.' He was charged by Lancashire Police following consultation with the Crown Prosecution Service who said it has been reviewing evidence since 1 March. Chief Crown Prosecutor Nazir Afzal (who was obviously having a busy day, see above) said: 'Having completed our review, we have concluded that there is sufficient evidence and it is in the public interest for Mr Roache to be charged with two offences of rape relating to a girl, aged fifteen, in 1967.' An ITV spokesman said the actor would not be appearing in Coronation Street until legal proceedings were concluded.

German broadcaster ZDF has dropped repeat showings of a popular detective series after it emerged its late lead actor had hidden his Waffen SS past. Archives released last month reveal that Horst Tappert, who played Derrick in the show of the same name, had served in the Totenkopf panzer division. Tappert, who died in 2008, had remained tight-lipped about his war record. According to the archives, the nineteen-year-old panzer grenadier was wounded on the Eastern Front in 1943. With its motto 'My Honour Is Loyalty', the Totenkopf (German for 'death's head') division became one of the toughest and notorious units of the Nazi armed forces. ZDF, the German public TV broadcaster, said it would not show any more repeats of the two hundred and eighty one episodes of Derrick, which were made between 1974 and 1998. 'ZDF is shocked and troubled by the news that Horst Tappert was a member of the Waffen SS,' spokesman Peter Bogenschuetz told AFP news agency. 'We have no plans to broadcast any more reruns.' Generations of Germans watched the show set in Munich, with its distinctive, baggy-eyed detective. The series was popular abroad too, shown as far afield as Russia, China and South Africa. Reacting to the revelations, Dutch public television channel Omroep MAX said it had scrapped plans to show around twenty episodes of Derrick from July. 'I was shocked by the news, you don't expect something like that,' chairman Jan Slagter told Dutch national broadcaster NOS over the weekend. 'We will not honour an actor who has lied over his past.' Bavaria's interior ministry said it was considering stripping the late actor of an honorary chief police inspector title awarded to Tappert in 1980, German media reported. Tappert himself said of his war record only that he had 'served as a medic', AFP reports. It is not the first such scandal in recent years. In 2006, another famous German, the novelist Guenther Grass, caused consternation when he revealed that he had served as a member of the Waffen SS.

A one hundred and thirty three million smackers digital video archive designed to ensure the redeveloped New Broadcasting House is 'tapeless' is 'not working' according to programme-makers, with old-fashioned tape editing machines having to be installed as a result. However, because the corporation's Central London headquarters was not designed to accommodate the heat from the tape editing machines, plans are being discussed to put them in a specially constructed, refrigerated area. The Gruniad Morning Star allege that according to alleged 'sources', Panorama's office in NBH is 'littered' with tapes and news and current affairs staff say their work is being held up due to delays and problems with the BBC's troubled Digital Media Initiative. DMI is an attempt by the BBC to do away with video tapes and create and run a kind of internal YouTube of BBC archive content which staff could access, upload, edit and then air from their computers. It has a budget equivalent to around nine hundred thousand BBC licence fees. However, only the 'first parts' of DMI have been rolled out, the BBC admitted. But staff who are trying to use DMI said it is 'clunky', being patched together with an old system and that they can't find much footage on it. One alleged BBC 'insider' allegedly said of DMI: 'Not only have there been huge problems with the software, but only a relatively small amount of the BBC's archive has actually been digitised. The vast bulk remains on tape and film.' Another alleged 'source' allegedly said programme-makers were 'frustrated' with the new system and questioned why, since DMI was supposedly a 'pan-BBC' project, BBC Sport has decided to ask outside suppliers to tender to design its own digital video archive system at a cost of just five hundred thousand smackers – a fraction of the millions spent on DMI. The BBC denied claims that the project could cost more than expected, saying it 'has not exceeded its total budget.' However, the BBC declined to reveal how much of the one hundred and thirty three million knicker has actually been spent or how much of the ninety five million quid of benefits DMI was supposed to deliver back to the corporation have been achieved. Although, sadly, they didn't tell the Gruniad Morning Star that it was none of their effing business and, if they didn't like it, why didn't they eff off the China with all the other Communists. They, of course, didn't do that because the BBC are far too polite to such such a thing. But, I'm not. A BBC spokeswoman admitted that there have been 'some initial problems' but the BBC is 'working with teams to make it better' and the project had not exceeded its total budget. She claimed the system being requested by BBC Sport would 'link together' with DMI and said: 'The BBC continually strives to be at the forefront of technology and innovation, from audience offerings like BBC iPlayer to digital production systems like DMI. We are currently undertaking a review of the strategy for delivering further digital, tapeless production and broadcast capabilities going forward, which will be submitted to the BBC executive and the BBC Trust over the coming months.' Problems with DMI were first 'exposed' during the coverage of the death of Baroness Thatcher last month, when BBC News staff were unable to access archive footage of the late prime minister via computers in New Broadcasting House and were reduced to ferrying tapes from the corporation's archive storage facility in Perivale. Some BBC executives have, the Gruniad claim, 'expressed concern internally' about parts of DMI and a review by director of operations Dominic Coles has been ordered into its future. Although how the Gruniad actually know this, unless someone has snitched it up to them like a dirty filthy stinking Copper's Nark is, at this time, unknown. But, you can probably guess, dear blog reader. Public Accounts Committee member Ian Swales MP, commenting on the BBC's refusal to say how much DMI has cost, said 'this type of secrecy is inappropriate.' He also said that he had 'reservations' about the scale of the project and is going to discuss the issue with his fellow PAC members. 'That [DMI] is money taken away from programmes. An unwelcome suggestion in our hearing [with corporation executives about the project] was when the BBC said they were going for a world-leading type of solution. I'm not sure their business requires it. We keep getting these kinds of stories.' Yes. Usually from the Gruniad Morning Star, with it's sick anti-BBC agenda. Something it shares in common with a fair number of scumbag lice MPs, pal. Do not vote for them, dear blog reader, it only encourages them. DMI has had a chequered history. After it was approved by the BBC Trust, technology supplier Siemens was given a seventy nine million quid contract without open competition. But Siemens failed to deliver and the contract was terminated in 2009, with Siemens given a pay-off. DMI was taken in-house but the BBC had incurred a two-year delay and lost twenty six million notes in projected cost-saving benefits as a result.

Following Mama Telly Topping's funeral on Thursday morning, yer actual Keith Telly Topping needed a bit of a lift (albeit, it was a great send-off, eighty two people in attendance which, we were told, for a ninety two year old lady was virtually unheard of round these parts). There were loads of people from her church, neighbours and a few ex-neighbours, three of her loyal and patient carers (Stacey, Diane and Adiam without whom yer actual Keith Telly Topping would have sunk under the weight of everything months ago) plus family and extended family. Anyway, in the evening Uncle Scunthorpe's latest Record Player at the Tyneside was, quite simply, superb. One of those golden nights when you are, frankly, glad that you weren't born in the Seventeenth Century because, you'd never have heard the power of pop music; a, genuinely, timeless LP, good company and yer actual Keith Telly Topping (with new partner, Sam) winning the quiz for the second week in a row (and, I didn't even have Christian and Vicky to blame for winning it this time around). I think I'll have to recuse myself from next weeks in case anyone thinks it's a fix! So, once again, just to say thanks to all the Record Player regulars - Chris and Gill, Billy and Steph, Ewan and Vicky, Mietek and Namoi, Jeff, Bruce, Sam, old Uncle Steve Scunthorpe and all, for another terrific night of quality entertainment. As a consequence of winning a vinyl copy of Bridge Over Troubled Water (to go with the one I'd already bled white several years ago) and the Bookends CD (which I've never, actually owned, so nice one), yer actual Keith Telly Topping is still stuck, firmly, in a Sime & Garf mood at the moment. Thus, this is today's Keith Telly Topping's 45 of the Day. Folk rock.

Thursday, May 02, 2013

I Learned The Truth From Lenny Bruce, And All My Wealth Won't Buy Me Health

According to the ever-reliable and always completely accurate Daily Lies Doctor Who 'bosses' have 'boldly gone and copied Star Trek in a bid to bring back all the old Time Lords for the show’s fiftieth anniversary special.' Viewers, the Lies claim, will see Matt Smith 'mingle with all the actors from the previous BBC series, including the late William Hartnell and Jon Pertwee.' And, the late Patrick Troughton, presumably. 'TV chiefs', they allege, 'came up with the plan, thanks to fellow sci-fi smash Star Trek. In 1996, the cast of spin-off series Deep Space Nine had an adventure with the original Enterprise crew Captain Kirk and Mr Spock as they looked in the 1960s. The show used hi-tech wizardry to digitally insert the young stars from Deep Space Nine into old footage from an episode called The Trouble With Tribbles, which aired in 1967.' Annoyingly, that's actually a pretty fair description of the DS9 episode Trials and Tribble-ations. 'Now,' they continue, 'BBC bosses plan to do the same. In November’s TV special to mark fifty years of Doctor Who, fans will see the current Doctor come face-to-face with all of the former Doctors who include Tom Baker, Colin Baker and Peter Davison.' Poor old Sylvester, always the one that gets forgotten! 'He will be "placed" into clips from the 1960s, 1970s and 1980s to make it look as though he is really there and interacting with his old Time Lord selves.' Presumably, he'll have to also be placed into clips from the 1990s and 2000s as well if we wants to interact with Paul McGann and Christopher Eccleston. 'Ex-Doctor Who star David Tennant, is the only actor who will appear in the flesh in the episode. And former show writer Robert Banks Stewart has let slip that as well as bringing back The Zygons, fans will see a carnival of monsters including Daleks and Cybermen.' So ... what do we make of all that, dear blog reader? Well, firstly, a word of caution - it's from the Daily Lies - the newspaper, if you can call it that, which once took a throwaway line from a Gareth Roberts interview with the DWM about a script he'd abandoned as 'evidence' that Lady Gaga was being lined up to appear in an episode (complete with entirely, and disgracefully obvious, made-up quotes from an alleged 'TV insider'). And, of course, we're all still waiting for the outcome of their 2003 'exclusive' that Holly Valance was 'in talks' to replace Sarah Michelle Gellar in Buffy The Vampire Slayer. So ... make that 'a vat of salt' rather than a pinch. But, as ever, another word of caution. Even a broken clock is right twice a day and this blogger, actually, has funny feeling this piece could be closer to the truth than you'd ever expect. Unless, of course, it isn't.
The latest edition of Doctor Who Magazine is out this Thursday and delves, deeply, into what viewers can expect as the current run of episodes draws to a close. Speaking about the forthcoming series finale The Name of the Doctor, The Lord Thy God Steven Moffat said: 'We've only just finished shooting the actual completed ending – it's ridiculously secret – but it's quite a thing, hopefully. There's often an element of throwing in some lovely names and then figuring it out later, but I've always had a sort of plan for The Doctor and Trenzalore. Things will be resolved. Things I've left hanging in plain sight – and sometimes not in plain sight – will be tied up.'
Coronation Street actor William Roache has been arrested on suspicion of two counts of rape. Roache, eighty one, who plays Ken Barlow in the ITV soap, was arrested by Lancashire constabulary early on Wednesday morning. He was later charged with two counts of rape involving a fifteen-year-old girl in 1967, prosecutors confirmed. He will appear before Preston magistrates on 14 May. Detectives searched the actor's house in Wilmslow, and took him to be interviewed at an undisclosed police station in Lancashire. In a statement, Lancashire constabulary said that the offences in question are alleged to have been committed in Haslingden between April and July 1967 and involved a girl who was then aged fifteen. The force added: 'We take all allegations of sexual abuse extremely seriously and would encourage people with any information about sexual abuse, or anyone who has been a victim of sexual abuse, to come forward and report their concerns confident in the knowledge they will be investigated appropriately and with sensitivity.' Lancashire police declined to confirm the name of the arrested suspect, saying only that he was an eighty one-year-old man. However, according to the Gruniad Morning Star, alleged 'sources' outside Roache's home in Wilmslow allegedly confirmed that Roache had been arrested on Wednesday morning. The Grunaid also claimed that an ITV producer was outside Roache's home as police detectives searched the property. Roache is the longest-serving cast member on Coronation Street, having appeared in its first episode on 9 December 1960. It is understood that Roache will not be appearing on the soap in the near future following his arrest, posing a complex challenge for the soap's producers to edit his character out of several current storylines. An ITV spokesman said: 'Given that a police investigation is underway, it would not be appropriate for us to comment.' In March, Roache apologised after he appeared to suggest that victims of sex crimes were being 'punished' for past sins. He told New Zealand's One News that, 'if you accept that you are pure love, and if you know that you are pure love these things won't happen to you.' Asked to clarify if that meant 'victims bring things on themselves', Roache added: 'No, not quite. And yet I am. Everything that happens to us has been a result of what we have been in previous lives.' He later said he was 'very sorry for any offence that has been caused as a result of my comments.' Roache's wife, Sara, died in 2009 after more than thirty years married to the Coronation Street actor. The pair have two grown-up children.

MasterChef topped Tuesday evening's ratings for BBC1, overnight data has shown. As the latest series entered its final week, the competition between Larkin, Dale and Natalie was seen by 4.93 million viewers at 9pm. Ben Elton's critically mauled The Wright Way shed around two hundred and sixty thousand viewers to 1.90m for its second episode. I don't think much for the chances of that getting a second series. On BBC2, the World Snooker Championship continued with 1.14m at 7pm, while the latest Keeping Britain Alive was seen by 1.71m at 9pm. Alex Polizzi's new documentary The Fixer attracted 1.96m at 8pm. Jools Holland's Later Live brought in eight hundred and nineteen thousand punters at 10pm. ITV's coverage of Real Madrid's departure from the Champions League at the hands of yer actual Borussia Dortmund was watched by 4.28m from 7.30pm. Channel Four's Embarrassing Bodies Live secured 1.18m at 8pm. On Channel Five, the latest CSI was seen by 1.39m at 9.15pm, followed by Body of Proof at 10pm with eight hundred and ninety six thousand. Dallas brought in three hundred and fifty eight thousand at 11pm. BBC4's Ocean Giants was watched by five hundred and eighty thousand at 8pm, with new series Archaeology: A Secret History attracting seven hundred and fifty three thousand at 9pm.

Jim Broadbent will play the detective charged with tracking down the Great Train Robbers in the second of two BBC dramas marking the fiftieth anniversary of the August 1963 malarkey. The actor said he was 'thrilled' to be asked to portray Tommy Butler in The Great Train Robbery: A Copper's Tale. The drama will follow A Robber's Tale, which will view the heist from the perspective of its perpetrators. Luke Evans will play Bruce Reynolds, the raid's key planner. Broadbent said it would be 'great fun' to play Butler - 'a fascinating copper of the old school' - in the drama, to be shown later this year. 'I have such strong memories of the massive impact of the actual robbery and it is wonderful to find out from the script so much of the real story.' Fresh on a roll from Broadchurch, Chris Chibnall, the executive producer and writer of the Great Train Robbery dramas, said Broadbent was 'a dream piece of casting.' The actor won an Oscar in 2001 for playing the husband of writer Iris Murdoch in Iris and a BAFTA in 2007 for playing the enal reform campaigner Lord Longford. Butler, whose astuteness earned him the nickname 'The Grey Fox' led the investigation into the Great Train Robbery which resulted in several of the robbers receiving lengthy sentences. He retired in 1969 and died the following year at the age of fifty seven.

ITV has defended its decision to cut short an interview with José Mourinho following Tuesday night's Champions League match between Real Madrid and Borussia Dortmund, claiming 'no mistake' was made and that it was 'too late to arrange an overrun.' The Special One his very self was interviewed by Gabriel Clarke after his side's aggregate defeat, only for the reporter to interrupt the Portuguese mid-flow while he was discussing his managerial future, potentially in England. The broadcast was swiftly ended ahead of News At Ten but ITV appear to be keen to move any blame away from Clarke and denied that it was poor journalism. The broadcaster claimed the reporter was already in the process of signing off the interview when Mourinho decided to embark on a potentially revelatory statement. ITV said that if a programme is to overrun, its protocol requires a decision made five minutes in advance and claimed the broadcast had passed the time when one could have been requested. A statement read: 'Our reporter Gabriel Clarke managed to land an unexpected interview with José Mourinho with only two minutes left before the end of last night's Champions League programme on ITV. At that stage it was too late to arrange an overrun of the broadcast beyond the allotted time. However, in a very tight, live situation, we showed as much as we possibly could of their exchange to viewers.' However, ITV has come in for ridicule following the decision to cut back to odious greed bucket (and drag) Adrian Chiles, who was pitchside at the Bernabéu, although still looking like he'd been smacked in the mush with a wet kipper. Mourinho, when asked by Clarke where he would be managing next season, said: 'I want to be where I love to be and where people love me to be.' Clarke then interrupted him, in best Alan Partridge style, and said: 'I'll take that as England, I've got to go.' Tragically, he didn't add 'Ah-ha!' But it would've been pure dead funny if he had. It is not the first time that ITV has come in for criticism while broadcasting football. In 2009 it cut to adverts before Dan Gosling scored an one hundred and eighteenth-minute winner for Everton against Liverpool in the FA Cup, and HD viewers missed Steven Gerrard's goal for England against USA in the 2010 World Cup due to a similar gaffe. This blog also regularly criticises ITV's coverage of football in general. Because it's shite.

Gillian Anderson and Jamie Dornan's crime thriller The Fall will premiere on BBC2 on Monday 13 May at 9pm, it has been confirmed. The highly-anticipated series, which also stars Archie Panjabi, Hollyoaks trio Gerard McCarthy, Emmet Scanlan and Bronagh Waugh and Niamh McGrady, was written by Allan Cubitt. Anderson stars as DSI Stella Gibson, who is brought to Belfast from the Met to find a killer. Dornan stars as killer Paul Spector, who has a dark fascination with solicitor Sarah Kay (played by Laura Donnelly). BBC drama boss Ben Stephenson said: 'The Fall is a unique, forensic and characterful take on a classic genre that continues BBC2's commitment to original British drama. Cubitt's rich and complex psychological thriller combined with another compelling performance from Gillian Anderson will keep viewers on the edge of their seats.'
With their tense storylines, atmospheric scenery and often gruesome murders, Danish crime dramas The Killing and The Bridge have gripped British audiences. According to the Gruniad Morning Star. Well, they've gripped a few hundred thousand on BBC4, anyway. This blogger very much included, let it be noted. But the Danes themselves are, apparently, more enamoured with a gentler alternative to Scandi noir – ITV's long-running rural detective series Midsomer Murders has become one of the best-rated TV imports in Denmark, according to the head of the country's biggest channel, DR1. Kaare Schmidt put the English drama's success down to its 'quaint setting' and 'leisurely pace', which, he said, was 'comforting' for viewers. 'It's just you have a good feeling when you watch it and if you fall asleep it's fine, because that's what it's for and you'll never remember who did it anyway,' he told the Radio Times. Schmidt said DR1 had won the Saturday night ratings battle in Denmark for more than a decade because Midsomer Murders 'beat everything the competition can come up with', attracting a thirty to forty per cent share of the audience. 'Midsomer Murders is the best performing acquired programme of all – that goes for Scandinavia in general, but especially on Danish television,' he told the magazine. 'We have it in the biggest slot for us, which is Saturday night at around 9pm, and it has been beating the competition for twelve or thirteen years - as long as it's been around. We always win Saturday night because of that. It's the number one big hit on DR1. That is the key to our success – we can't fail if we get a good British detective story.' The long-running series, originally starring John Nettles and now Neil Dudgeon, follows detectives tackling crime in, as the ITV website puts it, 'the beautiful but deadly villages of Midsomer.'

New plot details have emerged for the third season of Homeland. The Showtime terrorism drama's next run of episodes will concern 'a global manhunt for the world's most wanted terrorist' Nicholas Brody (played, of course, by Damian Lewis). A release from the cable network reads: 'As Carrie (Claire Danes) and Saul (Mandy Patinkin) begin to pick up the pieces of their shattered professional and personal lives, they are swept up in the political and media firestorm surrounding the terror attack and the subsequent search for Brody's whereabouts.' In addition to Lewis, Danes and Patinkin, cast members Morena Baccarin, Rupert Friend, Jackson Pace and Morgan Saylor are all confirmed to return. However, neither David Marciano or Diego Klattenhoff will return to the show as regulars, though both may appear in occasional episodes. Homeland's third season will again span twelve episodes and will premiere in the US on Sunday 23 September at 9pm. Channel Four will broadcast the new episodes of the EMMY-winning drama in the UK shortly afterwards.

The IT Crowd's Richard Ayoade is to front the next series of Channel Four's Gadget Man. The broadcaster this week announced that the series about technological innovations has been recommissioned for a second season, to be shown later this year, with Ayoade taking over as presenter from Stephen Fry. Ayoade commented: 'I'm delighted to bring my nasal, hesitant and underwhelming delivery to a formerly successful format.' Channel Four added: 'Richard will lead the viewer on a series of adventures, incorporating the very latest in consumer products, cutting edge innovative technology and even creating and designing his own fantasy contraptions.' So, a bit like Channel Five's brilliant idea of getting rid of Suzi Perry from The Gadget Show and replacing her with ... someone blond whose name you can't even remember. And these people get paid, dear blog reader. Unbelievable.

Meanwhile, from one show coming back to one that is, most definitely, not. ITV has axed its - alleged - sitcom Great Night Out after one series. The comedy's star, Lee Boardman who played Paddy Hodgkinson, broke the news on Twitter. He told to his eighteen thousand followers: 'Great Night Out won't be returning to your screens. It has not recommission. Thank you all for watching.' In a local newspaper interview earlier in the year, Boardman had expressed a desire to make more episodes of the show, about four friends in their mid-thirties as they enjoyed a weekly boys' get-together in Stockport. The sitcom attracted an average consolidated audience of around three million viewers over the six episodes, which were broadcast in January and February this year. That's about a million down on ITV's usual figures for the Friday-night slot.

A complaint about books written by BBC employees being given undue prominence on Richard Bacon's 5Live show has not been upheld by the BBC Trust. The - lone - complaint, who clearly didn't have anything better to do with his or her time, alleged 'a conflict of interest' when presenter Simon Mayo and news correspondent Mark Easton were guests on consecutive shows in February last year to talk about their books. The complainant suggested 'a pattern' of BBC personnel being given 'promo' slots on the show. But the Trust said that no guidelines were breached by either of the appearances. In its ruling, the Trust said Bacon's show was 'a mix of news, sport, entertainment and interviews with guests,' adding it 'frequently features interviews with authors who have recently had books published.' Mayo, who presents a drive-time show on Radio 2, is a former regular 5Live host and still reviews films on the network. He was on the Bacon show to talk about his children's book, Itch, which was published in March 2012. Easton, currently the BBC's Home Editor, talked about his book, Britain Etc, which was also published last March. The complainant had whinged that both interviewees were 'favoured' because of the author's existing connections to the BBC and alleged there was 'a pattern' of corporation staff being over-represented as guests on BBC shows. But the Trust report said there had been 'no impropriety in the way the interviews had been arranged (either by the publishers, Mr Easton or Mr Mayo) and there was no evidence that either Mr Mayo or Mr Easton had lobbied to get on the show to promote their books or otherwise asked for favours.' It added that the two guests had 'broadly been treated as other guests would have been and the books had not been given undue prominence.' However, it did agree the importance of editorial guidelines being adhered to in relation to such interviews. The Trust also answered a complaint from the trade body for commercial radio companies in the UK about the presence of an on-screen animated graphic for the 2012 Six Nations rugby championship's data supplier Accenture during live matches. The RadioCentre complaint said the graphic was 'unduly prominent' and 'amounted to sponsorship.' In its ruling the Trust said that to give Accenture on-screen credits as data-supplier was entirely 'appropriate and editorially justified' and that Accenture's contractual relationship was with the tournament organiser and not the BBC. It added 'no question of programme sponsorship arose.' However, the report took issue with an e-mail sent by the an executive producer to staff, which may have given recipients the impression that BBC Sport had made a binding commitment over how often and for how long Accenture's logo was should be featured. The Trust said this meant that audiences 'could not have a well-founded confidence' that the corporation's decisions on the sponsorship 'were not influenced by commercial pressures.' The editorial standards committee recommended that in future, it should be made clear that the BBC had not entered into any binding commitments on 'supplier credits' and any specifications on the use of logos are 'merely an indication of what BBC Sport considered likely to be appropriate.'

SF sequel Star Trek: Into Darkness has received positive reviews from the British press ahead of its opening in the UK and Ireland next week. The film, starring Chris Pine as Kirk and Zachary Quinto as Spock, has its UK premiere on Thursday in Central London. Yer actual Benedict Cumberbatch stars as the villain, John Harrison, described as 'a one-man weapon of mass destruction.' The eagerly awaited follow-up to director JJ Abrams' 2009 series reboot will be released theatrically on 9 May.
The (soon to be former) X Factor judge Tulisa may have thought she was harnessing the power of social media when she asked her three million Twitter followers to suggest names for her new perfume. 'My new perfume is comming [sic] out very soon and im [sic] stuck for a name,' she tweeted. 'You guys wanna help? Hit me with your ideas.' But, perhap predictably, some suggestions were more helpful than others. Among the (politer) responses, reports the Daily Lies, were Tramp Sniff, Binman's Cuff and Chip Shop Reject. One fan suggested Capri Sun, to which the singer replied 'hahahaha.' The experience didn't, seemingly, put off Tulisa – whose first perfume was named The Female Boss – and she tweeted later: 'Gotta dash, ill be back later! Keep those names comming [sic].' You could try calling it Coming, but you'd have to learn how to spell it first, m'love. Or, how about ...
And so to yer actual Keith Telly Topping's 45 of the Day. As mentioned in a previous blog, dear blog reader, this very evening, yer actual Keith Telly Topping will be attending Uncle Scunthorpe's latest Record Player event at the Tyneside. This week it's one of the best-selling records of all time, yer actual Paul and Arty's Bridge Over Troubled Waters. But, unfortunately, I used that one for yesterday's blog. So, here's another one of the duo's top tunes instead (although, there's not much of Arty on this one). Cute video too.

Wednesday, May 01, 2013

Everywhere I Go I Get Slandered

BBC Cymru has announced that Brian Minchin is to be the new Executive Producer of Doctor Who, alongside showrunner The Lord Thy God Steven Moffat. Brian Minchin is an executive in BBC Wales drama, currently working on The Game, a new Cold War spy thriller from Toby Whithouse for BBC1 and Wizards Vs Aliens, Russell Davies' show for CBBC. He has also worked as BBC executive producer on Dirk Gently and Being Human. Brian produced the RTS award-winning and BAFTA nominated series The Sarah Jane Adventures, as well as the British sections of Torchwood: Miracle Day and was assistant producer on Torchwood: Children of Earth. Brian, who grew up in Aberystwyth, joined the department in Cardiff in 2005 as a script editor working on the BBC Wales drama Belonging, before moving on to network dramas Doctor Who and Torchwood in the same role. Brian said: 'I'm thrilled and excited to be joining Steven Moffat on a show that has meant so much to me over the years. I've watched in awe as Steven has taken Doctor Who to wild and imaginative places and I can't wait to get started on many more adventures with The Doctor.' Faith Penhale, Head of Drama for BBC Wales, says: 'I've no doubt Doctor Who will enjoy a very exciting time with Brian at the helm working alongside Steven. Since joining BBC Wales in 2005, he’s proved he has a fantastic eye for story and a sharp awareness of what makes a drama like Doctor Who unmissable.' Moffat his very self added: 'When I first took over Doctor Who, Brian was there as script editor, and in the most difficult time of a new Doctor and a new era, was completely brilliant. We lost him to producing The Sarah Jane Adventures at the end of our first run. Rising talent keeps rising, is how I comforted myself back then - but now I am beyond happy that Brian has risen all the way back to Doctor Who, in his new role of executive producer. I look forward to getting hopelessly lost in space and time with him.'

Journey To The Centre Of The TARDIS had an audience Appreciation Index (or AI) score of eighty five over the weekend. And, if you don't know what the AIs are all about by now, dear blog reader, just Google it. As usual Doctor Who scored higher than the majority of Saturday's TV output with those viewers who expressed a preference. The highest scoring programmes of the day were Casualty with eighty seven, Dad's Army with eighty eight and Law & Order with eighty nine.
This coming weekend's adventure for The Doctor and Clara, meanwhile, will be The Crimson Horror, written by yer actual Mark Gatiss and directed by Saul Metzstein. The episode will premiere on BBC1 at 6:30pm on Saturday. There have been some minor changes to the schedule this weekend; The National Lottery: Who Dares Wins continues to follow on BBC1, but on ITV, Britain's Got Talent shifts to 7:15pm, no longer overlapping with Doctor Who; it is preceded by You've Been Framed! Top One Hundred Weddings. Sounds like must-see television that one. BBC2 presents an episode of Dad's Army from before most of you lot were born at 6:30pm, followed by yer more coverage of the bloody snooker at 7:00pm. Like I say, must-see telly. Channel Four has the Channel Four News followed by Sarah Beeny's Selling Houses at 7:00pm, and the Channel Five movie for this week is Stone Cold.
Russell Tovey has revealed that he auditioned for the lead role in Doctor Who. The Being Human actor was, briefly, tipped to replace David Tennant on the BBC's long-running family SF drama, after appearing in two episodes as Midshipman Frame. The thirty one-year-old claimed that he did screen-test for the part of the Eleventh Doctor, according to the Independent, but ultimately lost out to Matt Smith. 'It would have terrified me,' Russell is quoted as saying. 'I don't know what I would have done with all the attention.'
ITV's attempt to revive its primetime comedy output got off to a promising start on Monday, with new sitcoms Vicious and The Job Lot winning the 9pm hour in the overnight ratings. Vicious, starring Ian McKellan and Derek Jacobi as an ageing gay couple, launched with an average of 5.53 million punters from 9pm. ITV's second new comedy of the night, The Job Lot, set in a Job Centre and starring Russell Tovey, followed up from 9.30pm with 4.49 million. The broadcaster gave its new sitcoms the best possible launch pad, in one of only two weekday 9pm slots following Coronation Street. They also faced relatively soft BBC1 competition from Crimewatch (3.4 million). Other 9pm shows included BBC2's Dave Allen: God's Own Comedian (2.7m) which is what yer actual Keith Telly Topping his very self was watching, Channel Four's The Hoarder Next Door (1.8 million) and Channel Five's Ben Fogle: New Lives In The Wild (1.2 million). The University Challenge final, giving Manchester University its fourth title in seven years, averaged 2.8 million viewers. This was followed by a BBC2 repeat of another highbrow panel show, BBC4's Only Connect, which averaged 1.9 million viewers. The BBC2 shows predictably lost out to BBC1 and ITV's mix of soap and factual in the 8pm hour, but had the better of other competition in the slot: Channel Four's Secrets of Your Missing Mail (1.5 million) and SuperScrimpers (1.3 million), and Channel Five's Nature Shock: The Big Bang Theory (0.7m). James Nesbitt's Ireland attracted 2.94m for ITV at 8pm. On BBC1, Bang Goes The Theory was seen by 2.81m at 7.30pm and Panorama brought in 2.17m at 8.30pm. BBC4's new series The Flying Archaeologist opened to a very respectable six hundred and thirty thousand at 8.30pm.

The University of Manchester became only the second team to retain the title of University Challenge champions in the programme's history. The team beat the much-fancied University College London in the final by one hundred and ninety points to one hundred and forty to claim its fourth title in eight years. Manchester's tally equals the current record for the number of series wins. Magdalen College, Oxford, has also won the competition four times since the series began in 1962. The trophy was presented to the Manchester team by the Astronomer Royal Professor Martin Rees. Team captain Richard Gilbert, a linguistics student, said the success was down to 'the perfect broad range of knowledge across the team.' President and Vice-Chancellor of the university, Professor Dame Nancy Rothwell, said: 'There is a real buzz around the campus today, having seen our team win University Challenge yet again. We are going to hold a celebration dinner for the team in June and I am particularly pleased for their coach Stephen Pearson who deserves great credit for these four victories in just eight years.' Coach? University Challenge teams have coaches?! Well, that's one illusion totally shattered.

My Mad Fat Diary's Sharon Rooney will reportedly appear in the new series of Sherlock. Rooney's online CV with talent agency TROIKA claims that she will play the character of Laura in third series premiere The Empty Hearse. The actress is best known for playing the lead role of Rae in E4's comedy-drama My Mad Fat Diary, which has recently been renewed for a second series. Amanda Abbington - the real-life wife of Martin Freeman - was previously confirmed to be joining the series in a guest role. Following The Empty Hearse, Sherlock's third run will continue with episode two The Sign of Three - written by Steve Thompson - and will conclude with a third - as yet unnamed - instalment, written by series co-creator The Lord thy God Steven Moffat.

The series finale of Bones aired this week, directed by yer actual David Boreanaz his very self, the latest episode in the recurring Christopher Pelant storyline and featuring another wonderfully sinister little turn from Andrew Leeds. Horribly disfigured after his last encounter with Booth, Pelant returns which causes Brennan to re-evaluate her relationship with Booth when evidence emerges that he could be Pelant's latest target after a series murders are revealed to be connected to FBI agents with ties to Seeley. The popular drama was renewed for a ninth series in January and will return in the autumn.
He is not a man typically lost for words but yer actual Lord Sugar-Sweetie, ahead of the new series of The Apprentice, pointedly refused to discuss the recently high-profile dismissal case brought against him by one of its previous winners. The business show and vanity exercise returns to BBC1 for its ninth series next week with its usual cast list of wannabes, no-hopers and – maybe – genuine entrepreneurial talent. It comes less than a month after Stella English, who won the show in 2010, lost her claim for constructive dismissal against Lord Sugar-Sweetie, who accused her during the tribunal of, effectively, blackmailing him. English had claimed that she was treated like an 'overpaid lackey.' And, the problem with that is, exactly ...? But, at the programme launch in London on Tuesday, Sugar-Sweetie refused to answer any questions on the subject. 'Here we go,' he said. 'We are here to talk about the new series and that's what we are going to talk about today.' But, while The Apprentice is back, the BBC has cancelled its spin-off series, Young Apprentice, a decision which clearly still rankles with Sugar-Sweetie who pointed out that it had been nominated at next month's BAFTA TV awards. 'Young Apprentice has been nominated for a BAFTA for the second time,' he wailed. In the same category of Made In Chelsea, let it be noted. 'The BBC commissioners decided not to recommission it,' he said. 'There was obviously some logical thinking behind it.' Indeed, they did. The decided not to recommission it because it was shit and no one was watching it. That's why shows get cancelled, usually. 'They can explain it to me if we pick up the gong next week,' Sugar-Sweetie continued. 'If.' Good word, that. He said that he hoped the BBC would continue to commission The Apprentice, which first appeared in 2005, into a tenth series and beyond. 'Television is a product and like any product they will make the decision simply by the reaction in the marketplace. They judge television programmes by viewing audiences, all that type of stuff,' he said. But, he admitted it was difficult to refresh the challenges faced by contestants, nine series in. 'I think The Apprentice has got longevity in it as long as we can continue to find interesting and different characters. I know it's difficult with tasks – they are either selling or buying or negotiating or manufacturing something, of course that is never going to change. We try to make it a little bit more interesting but at the end of the day it is down to the candidates if it is interesting TV. I am sure the BBC will continue to commission it.' Asked if the new series of the programme had found the right balance between candidates who were entertaining and talented, Sugar-Sweetie said: 'You wouldn't ask that question if you turned up to some of the auditions and saw some of the people with mohican hair painted pink and bones through their nose. You would realise we do actually select some credible people.' Exactly how credible remains to be seen. The new series features candidates who boast, among many other things, 'I take inspiration from Napoleon. I'm here to conquer' and 'I have the sex appeal of Jessica Rabbit and the brain of Einstein.' Or, possibly, the other way round. Sugar-Sweetie tells them, 'I am sick and tired of all these bloody clichés – failure not an option, thinking outside the box, inside the box,' before offering up one of his own: 'I am interested in actions, not words.' The programme, which began by offering a one hundred thousand smackers job with Lord Sugar-Sweetie, now offers two hundred and fifty thousand knicker backing for the winning candidate's new business idea. The opening episode sees the two teams challenged to sell the contents of two shipping containers in Tilbury, including cat litters, bottles of water, high visibility jackets and waving 'lucky cats.' Sugar-Sweetie said he already had 'a quick glimpse' at the contestants' business plans before the show began, but said it was only towards the end of the series that he looked at the remaining candidates' ideas in greater detail. Asked if he had ever made any mistakes, Sugar-Sweetie - the man who bought Stottingtot Hotshots ... when they were rubbish - said: 'I am not perfect, there are occasions when I may have got it wrong.' Yeah. Producing the second best satellite TV system on the market, when there were only two on the market, for a kick-off. 'Of course some slip through the net. I haven't seen anybody who I let go become the new Branson or Zuckerberg. I am sure you in the media world would have taken delight.'

Meanwhile, Sugar-Sweetie's oppo Nick Hewer made light of rumours that Countdown might be axed in the near future at The Apprentice launch. Hewer, who took over as host of the long-running Channel Four quiz show last year, made a joke to journalists when asked about rumours that the show was coming to an end. 'I've got a contract right through until 2014. So, to be honest with you, I'd be sad ... but I'd be in the money,' he said. Hewer's Apprentice co-star Lord Sugar-Sweetie laughed: 'That's twenty five years of training [from me].' Hewer described Countdown as 'a great institution' when he took over the helm from Jeff Stelling last year.

In The Politician's Husband Emily Watson's character, Freya, appeared on Newsnight and was grilled by Kirsty Wark, playing Kirsty Wark, about her stance on immigration. This is the issue on which her husband Aiden (David Tennant) resigned from the cabinet, creating a space for her. She sticks to the government line, triggering Aiden's fury at her betrayal and thickening the plot. Paula Milne's drama was originally going to have this encounter on Question Time, made by the same independent producer, Tinopolis. But David Dimbleby, according to Question Time executive producer Steve Anderson, said: 'I don't do drama.' Those who recall Dimbles' world class tetchy encounter with odious moustached Republican horrorshow (and drag) John Bolton during the BBC's overnight US presidential election coverage in 2008 may beg to differ.
A The Only Way Is Essex-type person - one Billie Faiers, apparently (no, me neither) - has stripped down to her bra and keks in an effort to pitch herself for a role in Broadchurch. Yeah, that ought to do it. Because, you so often see quality actresses pouting in lads magazines with their bazookas hanging out, don't you? The reality TV regular - who, of course, has her knockers - revealed her 'love' of the ITV drama while posing for Nuts magazine and said that she would 'love' to appear alongside David Tennant and Olivia Colman in its second series. As, indeed, would lots of talentless chancers across the land both in and out of the media industry, sweetheart. Join the effing queue. At the back.
And, from that piece of utter, inconsequential trivia tat of the kind so beloved by scum tabloid newspapers, to something completely different.
Scotland Yard has arrested two more people in relation to its investigation into alleged naughty payments to public officials by alleged scummy journalists. A thirty seven-year-old former prison officer has been detained in in Wales following his arrest at 6am on Tuesday in West Glamorgan on suspicion of committing misconduct in a public office, while a thirty six-year-old woman was arrested in Tower Hamlets in London. She has been detained on suspicion of committing misconduct in public office and of suspected money laundering contrary to the Proceeds of Crime Act 2002. The police have not identified her job but confirmed that she is not a journalist. Scotland Yard said the two people arrested were later bailed. Tuesday's dawn arrests bring the number of people arrested as part of Scotland Yard's Operation Elveden to sixty four. The police inquiry was set up in 2011 and is running in conjunction with Operation Weeting, Scotland Yard's investigation into phone-hacking. So far more than twenty current or former Sun executives and journalists have been arrested. Four have been charged while one, the crime editor Mike Sullivan, has been cleared and told he faces no further action. The remainder of the arrests have been public officials. A pharmacy assistant who worked at Sandhurst military college has also been arrested and charged.

BBC business editor Robert Peston has described how transcribing his late wife's final book helped him cope following her death from lung cancer. Sian Busby died aged fifty one in September 2012, five years after her diagnosis. In the preface to the book, which has been printed in the Radio Times, Peston said: 'Foggy-brained, the transcription was spoilt by spelling mistakes and typographical errors. All mine.' A Commonplace Killing will be Radio 4's Book at Bedtime next month. Peston said he picked up the novel's handwritten manuscript eleven days after his wife's death. 'My motive was selfish: I wanted to keep talking to her. I still do,' his preface reads. 'The tears could not be staunched as I read, deciphered and typed. Sian's prose was as pellucid and accurate as ever. And brave. Here she was, all hope lost of reprieve from the lethal cancer, reflecting on what it is like to know that death awaits on the morrow.' Writer and filmmaker Busby died a month after specialists said that there was nothing more they could do for her. She had never been a smoker. Writing in his BBC blog earlier this month, Peston bemoaned what he sees as the underfunding of research into lung cancer. 'Breast cancer receives just over three thousand five hundred pounds of research funding per death from the disease.' he wrote. 'Leukaemia receives over seven thousand pounds of research funding per mortality. Lung cancer receives just over four hundred pounds per death. There has been a perception that lung cancer sufferers have only themselves to blame, because they've smoked all their lives, and they tend to be old.' Busby wrote five books, the first two non-fiction. She also lectured in film and performing arts at Royal Holloway, University of London. She and Peston briefly dated in their early twenties and resumed their relationship twelve years later following the break up of Busby's first marriage. By the time Busby was completing A Commonplace Killing, Peston writes in his preface, she was 'being turned into an invalid, in almost unimaginable pain most of the time. Very occasionally she grumbled against the palpable unfairness, but she was courageous and stoical to an extent that tested my credulity.' A Commonplace Killing, described by its publisher as a 'gripping psychological thriller set in the bleakness and confusion of post-WWII London,' will be published on 2 May.

Go Compare's TV adverts featuring that irritating opera singer resulted in the most complained about advertising campaign of 2012, with almost two thousand, single-handedly fuelling a near doubling of complaints about UK financial advertising. Some thirty one thousand two hundred and ninety eight complaints were made about nearly nineteen thousand adverts last year, the majority by people with nothing better to do with their time, slightly down on 2011, according to the latest Advertising Standards Authority annual report. Complaints about financial services advertising, however, ballooned by eighty six per cent. In 2012 the rise in grievances against financial services adverts in general was almost entirely attributable to the price comparison website's annoying tenor Gio Compario. Go Compare took the first two spots in the ASA's top ten most complained about adverts of 2012 list, notching up eighteen hundred and five complaints. Viewers took particular exception to an advert featuring former England player Stuart Pearce kicking a football into the opera singer's knackers. A second advert featuring Sue Barker in a balaclava shooting the irritating tenor with a bazooka also provoked complaints that it was 'offensive' and 'inappropriately trivialised war' and terrorism. And once again dear blog reader, let us simply marvel at the utter shite some people chose to care about. Despite the huge number of complaints about the Go Compare campaign – third on the list, with three hundred and seventy three, was Channel Four's controversial 'Bigger. Fatter. Gypsier' poster adverts for Big Fat Gypsy Weddings – the ASA ruled that neither commercial broke the UK advertising code. Go Compare supplanted Phones 4U, which previously had the dubious honour of fielding the most complained about advert (with six hundred and fifty nine) in the ASA's 2011 'list of shame.' The ASA has also been cracking down on the way so-called 'pay day' loan companies, such as Wonga, market their deals. 'We've required pay day loan companies to be clear about what it is they are providing and what it costs,' said Lord Smith of Finsbury, chairman of the ASA. Although TV remained the most complained about advertising medium, with complaints up six per cent year-on-year to eleven thousand two hundred and forty five, 2012 was very much the year that the ASA and marketers got to grips with digital advertising. Just two years after the watchdog's online advertising remit was extended to include marketing on companies' own websites and in social media, it has swiftly cemented its place as the second most complained about advertising medium. Last year digital advertising prompted over nine thousand seven hundred complaints, almost a third of the watchdog's entire workload, but despite this rapid growth curve the number of complaints actually dropped by four per cent year-on-year. The ASA said that the main issue with online advertising is consumers feeling they are being misled – the subject of ninety per cent of all complaints about digital. In its annual report the ASA also laid down the law on how companies can use Twitter to advertise, with Nike the first UK company to have a campaign banned from the social media service. Nike fell foul of the ASA rules for not clearly telling the public that tweets from the personal Twitter accounts of Wayne Rooney and Jack Wilshere were, in fact, adverts. Others who failed to abide by the ASA's Twitter rules include The Only Way Is Essex person Gemma Collins, who promoted hair salon chain Toni & Guy: 'The use of celebrities to endorse products or services through their own Twitter accounts has raised questions about whether it is always clear when tweets are, in fact, ads,' said Smith. 'We've now issued advice to advertisers suggesting they use "#ad" or "#spon" if it's not otherwise clear what the communication is.' The burgeoning 'daily deals' sector was also made to toe the line after the ASA referred market leader GroupOn to the Office of Fair Trading. In its ruling the OFT found GroupOn guilty of 'widespread' breaches of consumer protection laws relating to areas including pricing, advertising and unfair terms attached to its daily deals. 'A company or sector's infancy does not absolve them from following the rules that protect the public from misleading ads,' said the ASA. 'As is often the case when you are one of the first or biggest players in a new industry, GroupOn has been the benchmark for all advertisers in that sector. In the past year we've tackled misleading and unfair advertising in the daily deals sector, working with the sector to improve their internal compliance processes.' In the travel sector the scrutiny that TripAdvisor's user review system has come under prompted the ASA to investigate how it markets and advertises itself to consumers. TripAdvisor was told to remove the expressions 'reviews you can trust' and 'read reviews from real travellers' after the ASA said it became clear that the company could not prove all reviews were from genuine travellers.

Sky Sports has strengthened its line-up of football experts even further by signing the Liverpool Alabama Yee-Haws defender Jamie Carragher. A particularly brave move since English is, seemingly, not Carragher's first language. Carragher will join in August ahead of the season, adding to a line-up which includes Gary Neville, Jamie Redknapp, Graeme Souness, Niall Quinn and Alan Smith. The 2013-14 season on Sky Sports comprises more than five hundred live matches from the domestic, European and international game. Carragher said: 'I watch Sky Sports all the time and I'm a huge fan. I can't wait to be part of their coverage and work with the best in the business. What Sky has done for football for over twenty years is incredible and I'm thrilled to be part of their exciting plans for next season.' At least, we think that's what he said. He continued: 'I don't think there could be a better move for me: to retire from one of the world's best football clubs at the end of the season and then join one of the world's best broadcasters. Until that time comes, I'll remain fully focused on my remaining playing career with Liverpool and I'm looking forward to ending the season with good results.' Barney Francis, managing director of Sky Sports, said: 'Jamie has everything you want in an expert analyst; opinions, experience and incredible knowledge. He's hugely respected throughout the game and I know his immense insight on today's players, teams and tactics will make our football coverage even better. He joins us fresh from the changing room of one of the world's biggest clubs and will be part of our incredible line-up of football experts, who between them boast twenty five League titles, ten European trophies and over seven hundred international caps.' Carragher has spent his entire playing career with Liverpool and in seven hundred and thirty four appearances for the club, the thirty five-year-old has won the Champions League, UEFA Cup, two Super Cups, two FA Cups and three League Cups. He is only the second player to reach the landmark of five hundred Premier League appearances for one club and is Liverpool's longest serving player.

FIFA honorary president and - allegedly - corrupt old sour-faced scallywag Joao Havelenge has resigned after being named in a report as having 'received bribes.' The report by FIFA's ethics chairman Hans-Joachim Eckert also names Nicolas Leoz for taking payments from World Cup rights marketing agency International Sport and Leisure. Leoz resigned from the governing body's executive committee last week. He was accused in the report of being 'not fully candid' in his explanations over the affair. That's 'lying' to you and me. However while the report says that payments to Havelenge, Leoz and the former FIFA executive Ricardo Teixeira, qualified as 'bribes' they were not 'crimes' at the time. FIFA granted ISL exclusive rights to market World Cup tournaments to some of the world's biggest brands and ISL received millions more from negotiating television broadcast rights. The company collapsed with huge debts in 2001 and its arrangement with FIFA was subsequently investigated by Swiss authorities. FIFA was last year forced by the Swiss supreme court to release documents relating to the case after repeated attempts to block the confidential papers' release. It followed a report by Andrew Jennings for the BBC's Panorama programme in 2010 - scorned, at the time, by FIFA - which alleged that three senior FIFA officials took bribes from Swiss-based ISL in the 1990s. FIFA president Sepp Blatter - who did much of the scorning of Jennings in 2010 - announced in July 2012 that FIFA's new ethics committee would be looking at the bribery allegations. That investigation resulted in the release of Tuesday's report. The report says: 'It is certain that not inconsiderable amounts were channelled to former FIFA president Havelange and to his son-in-law Ricardo Teixeira as well as to Doctor Nicolas Leoz, whereby there is no indication that any form of service was given in return by them. These payments were apparently made via front companies in order to cover up the true recipient and are to be qualified as "commissions," known today as "bribes."' The report states that Havelenge and Teixeira were 'morally and ethically reproachable' for accepting the money. Leoz told investigators that he had donated the money he received to a school project - but he only did so in January 2008. The report states that payments were made between 1992 and May 2000. Questions over Blatter's own conduct have also been raised in the past but the report says that there is no evidence he received money from the now-defunct ISL. However, it does raise questions about whether Blatter should have known about the bribes to other executives and labels his behaviour in dealing with aspects of the affair as 'clumsy. There are also no indications whatsoever that President Blatter was responsible for a cash flow to Havelange, Teixeira or Leoz, or that that he himself received any payments from the ISL Group, even in the form of hidden kickback payments. It must be questioned, however, whether President Blatter knew or should have known over the years before the bankruptcy of ISL that ISL had made payments (bribes) to other FIFA officials.' Eckert is also critical about the controls that FIFA had in place to prevent such corruption from occurring. In response to the publication of the report Blatter said: 'I note in particular that, in his conclusions, chairman Eckert states that "the ISL case is concluded for the Ethics Committee" and that 'no further proceedings related to the ISL matter are warranted against any other football official." I also note with satisfaction that this report confirms that "President Blatter's conduct could not be classified in any way as misconduct with regard to any ethics rules." I have no doubt that FIFA, thanks to the governance reform process that I proposed, now has the mechanisms and means to ensure that such an issue - which has caused untold damage to the reputation of our institution - does not happen again.' So, hurrah for good old Sepp Blatter, the only honest man in world football. According to, you know, Sepp Blatter.

Noel Gallagher has reiterated that he will not be joining The X Factor as a judge. The ex-Oasis guitarist recently confirmed that he was offered a spot on the judging panel by Wee Shughie McFee, the sour-faced Scottish chef off Crossroads. Speaking about his reasons behind turning down the deal, Noel said that he would be worried about swearing on live television. And presumably, that he had a bit more dignity that to prostitute himself like that. 'Yes, I was asked to do it again,' he told the Daily Lies. 'I think they think that because my tour's finished I'm going to be bored, but I'm never going to be that bored. Sharon Osbourne gets £1.5 million for it, I've heard. If she's worth one and a half, what am I worth? Three? Three and three quarters? I've not got anything against the show, I just don't want to be on the telly every Saturday night. Fuck that.'

Campaigners are renewing their efforts to save Bray Studios, near Maidenhead in Berkshire, probably most famous for the Hammer horror films which were made there. They have also hosted TV productions as well as band rehearsals. Doctor Who, for instance, used the facilities for five stories between 1972 and 1979 - Frontier In Space, The Invisible Enemy, The Invasion of Time, The Power of Kroll and City of Death - and the studios were also used by Gerry Anderson for some of his shows. The now-dilapidated site, currently owned by showbusiness agent Neville Hendricks, is set to be turned into seven executive homes but the Save Bray Studios campaign, headed by Robert Simpson, aims to halt the bulldozers. Over the years the studios have been home to hundreds of films, television productions and music. They are now set for demolition and conversion into housing following a successful planning application, but the campaign is looking into halting this and exploring any options that would allow them to continue functioning as studios.
Male prisoners in England and Wales must 'work harder' for privileges such as televisions in cells, the government has said. Inmates will be made to wear a uniform during their first two weeks in jail and their access to private cash to call home will be restricted. Satellite and cable TV channels, currently available in some private prisons, will be banned altogether. The Prison Reform Trust said 'getting rid of tellies' was not going to cut reconviction rates. Justice Secretary Chris Grayling said: 'I want the arrival in prison for the first time to be an experience that is not one they'd want to repeat. That means an environment where they arrive [where] standards are pretty basic and then they start to gain extras by contributing. And, if they won't do it, then they can't expect to start gaining those privileges.' There are three levels of privileges available to prisoners - basic, standard and enhanced. Currently all inmates must be placed initially on the middle tier when they enter prison. This allows them to wear own clothes, have a TV in their cell and gives them more family visits, access to private cash and potential to earn more from prison jobs than those who are moved to basic level for poor behaviour. However, from November, all prisoners will spend their first two weeks on a new 'entry' level, which more closely resembles the basic standard currently in place. Their behaviour will be reviewed after two weeks and they will either stay at the basic level or move up to the standard level - which includes privileges such as in-cell TVs. Noel 'Razor' Smith, who was in prison for thirty three years and is now a writer, said putting TVs into prisoners' cells actually helped reduce violence in prisons, because it gave inmates who could not read or write a way to occupy their time. 'You would think [Grayling] would start on drugs if anything,' Smith said. 'It's easier to buy heroin on prison landings than on the streets.' But Max Chambers, from the right-wing Policy Exchange think-tank, said the moves were 'exactly what taxpayers would expect from our prison system' and would bring about the sort of behaviour change needed in jails. Once again, isn't it nice to see right-wing lice speaking for all tax payers despite, seemingly, not having been given permission by this blogger - a tax payer - to speak for him, at least. Last month, MSPs warned that prisoners in Scotland's jails were spending too much time watching TV instead of taking part in activities to cut reoffending.

On Thursday evening, dear blog reader, yer actual Keith Telly Topping will be attending Uncle Scunthorpe's latest Record Player event at the Tyneside. This week it's one of the best-selling records of all time, Sime and Garf's Bridge Over Troubled Waters. An LP that yer actual Keith Telly Topping knew backwards when he was a teenager (his mate Matt, whose gaff Keith Telly Topping spent considerable time at, only had about five records in the house and three of them were Sime and Garf LPs!) Consequently, by the time I was sixteen, I was sick to bloody death of it and, as with a few other LPs of the same vintage it went into the, conceptual, Time Vault Of Horrorshow (And Drag). Then, about ten years ago, yer actual Keith Telly Topping bought that three CD Sime and Graf box-set, Old Friends (because it was going cheap in an HMV sale, probably), which includes most of Bridge Over Troubled Waters, and discovered - to his astonishment - exactly why it's sold over a hundred trillions copies since 1970. Because it's sodding brilliant, basically. So, guess what today's Keith Telly Topping's 33 of the Day is then, kids?