Saturday, April 07, 2018

Nothing, Like Something, Happens Anywhere

National heartthrob David Tennant and yer actual Peter Capaldi crossed paths at a 'special' screening of the former's new movie, You, Me & Him at the Charlotte Street Hotel in London on Thursday. Luckily, the time-space continuum was not affected by Blinovitch's Limitation Effect. Which was a jolly close escape for the universe and everyone in it, frankly.
Silva Screen will release the soundtrack to series nine of Doctor Who on 27 April. Premiering in September 2015, the ninth series of the BBC's popular long-running family SF drama featured yer actual Peter Capaldi in the title role. This four-CD collection features general cues on discs one and two, the complete score of well-bangin' tunes from the episode Heaven Sent on disc three and on disc four the Christmas Special, The Husbands Of River Song.
Now, beware dear blog reader - there be potential spoilers ahoy (if you're bothered about such things, obviously). It has been a matter of some debate for Doctor Who fans for decades: where - if anywhere - does Peter Cushing's big-screen version of the format fit into the series' canon? Cushing starred in two Doctor Who movies made by Amicus in the 1960s, Doctor Who & The Daleks (1965) and Daleks - Invasion Earth: 2150 AD (1966). You knew that, right? The films - which are both rather fun and are broadly well-regarded by most fans of the TV series - were loose adaptations of Terry Nation's first two Dalek stories from the TV series; they reinvented the alien Doctor as a human scientist - named Doctor Who - and his travels through time and space in 'Tardis' - a self-made craft. Given these deviations from the TV show's official continuity, it has been difficult to place the Cushing movies within Doctor Who mythology. In his novelisation of Doctor Who's fiftieth anniversary episode The Day Of The Doctor, The Lord Thy God Steven Moffat (OBE) reveals that the events of the films do exist within the Doctor Who universe as movies, with Cushing starring in two big-screen adventures adapted from The Doctor's 'real' exploits. 'Seen them? [The Doctor] loves them,' UNIT's Kate Stewart tells Clara Oswald. 'He loaned Peter Cushing a waistcoat for the second one, they were great friends.' The Moff had previously said that he wanted to incorporate this idea into the TV version of The Day Of The Doctor, with plans for UNIT's Black Archive to include posters for the two Cushing films. 'In my head, in The Doctor's universe, those films exist as distorted accounts of his adventures,' Steven told Doctor Who Magazine. 'Sadly, we couldn't afford the rights to the posters.' Also added to the novelisation are brief cameo appearances for River Song - meeting the Tenth Doctor again, thus explaining their exchanges in Silence In The Library - and for Jodie Whittaker's Doctor. Radio Times, helpfully provides a full round-up of all the massively spoilerific plot-points  without warning their readers in advance that they were doing so. Which, if his Facebook comments are anything to go by, appears to have got right on Steven's tit-end. Not unreasonably, either, let it be noted.
With her current round of publicity gigs in connection with Journeyman in full swing, there is yet another very good interview with Jodie Whittaker - this one with The Times' Chrissy Iley - which you can read here. Inevitably, Doctor Who cops more than its fair share of the questions.
Sir David Attenborough has revealed some details of his next BBC documentary series. His new project will follow different creatures across a three year time period, reports the Mirra. 'The BBC Natural History Unit has started following families of animals - cave hunting dogs, lions, chimpanzees,' the broadcaster said. 'We don't know what is going to happen but whatever does, we will be there to show it to you. I am not going to go into detail but I can tell you there will be some fairly dark moments and we wont tidy it up. This is a new concept and I am privileged to have been be asked to write some of the commentary.' The recent Blue Planet II similarly refused to shy away from uncomfortable moments. The show's coverage of what plastic waste is doing to our oceans or how humans have damaged the coral reefs may not have made for easy viewing, but they are important topics to shed a light on. Attenborough was speaking at BAFTA masterclass in London and added that he is 'glad' that politicians are now taking notice of the condition of our oceans. 'If we have woken up, it is only the beginning,' he added. 'We have made a real mess of the world. We really, really have. Something has to be done about it. I am grateful politicians are taking notice. This is serious.'
Filming has begun on a new three-part BBC adaptation of The War Of The Worlds, with an all-star cast. Eleanor Tomlinson and Rafe Spall will lead the ambitious SF drama alongside Robert Carlyle and Rupert Graves. Shooting is underway in Liverpool on the first British television version of HG Wells' classic Victorian SF novel, adapted by Peter Harness. Spall and Tomlinson will play George and Amy, a couple attempting to defy society and start a life together.
This week's 'Question on Only Connect that this blogger got the answer to before either of the teams' - or, in this particular case, 'at exactly the same time as one of the teams' - was this one.
Series two of From The North favourite American Gods has, apparently, started production this week according to a tweet from Ricky Whittle.
With the reboot culture in danger of sinking US TV - Roseanne, Will & Grace, Sabrina et cetera - just about every formerly-cancelled show is currently being rumoured to about to get a revival. Because, seemingly, no one working in American television has any original ideas any more. However, NBC Entertainment chairman Bob Greenblatt has said that the much-demanded reboot of Friends will 'never' happen, according to The Hollywood Reporter. On top of that, don't bet on a Seinfeld reunion either, with Greenblatt confirming that it is also 'virtually guaranteed' never to return. The West Wing, on the other hand, seems like a greater possibility, with Greenblatt claiming that writer Aaron Sorkin would get behind it 'if he weren't busy doing ten other extraordinary things.' Another show which 'could' come back is The Office, albeit presumably without the full original cast according to Greenblatt's reported comments.
'You're one of those people who sits on the floor and goes "Om", are you?!' Have I Got News For You returned to BBC1 this week and the BBC managed to fulfil a long-term ambition by securing yer actual Jezza Paxman to make his debut as host. The former Newsnight presenter had reportedly turned down the gig on numerous previous occasions, one HIGNFY executive producer saying a few years ago that Paxo had claimed he 'would rather have his testicles crushed between two bricks' than present HIGNFY. However, it seems Jezza had a change of heart and on Friday, he appeared in the latest series premiere along with Josh Widdicombe, From The North favourite the brilliant Steph McGovern and regular team captains, Ian Hislop and Paul Merton. And, a very good episode it was too, albeit it did include an entire round on this week's 'completely Twitter-created MasterChef "controversy"' bollocks. Particularly impressive was the bit where Steph described Paxo as 'a patronising git!' He never got called that on Newsnight. Not even that times when he asked Michael Howard the same question fourteen times!
On US TV this week, there were new episodes of From The North favourites NCIS, The Blacklist and Gotham. Reviews of which you can check out - should you wish to be spoilerised, if you're bothered about such malarkey - here, here and here. Respectively.
Deep State, starring Mark Strong, has already been picked up for a second series. The espionage thriller which began this week, which also features Joe Dempsie and Anastacia Griffith, hasn't even broadcast its first series of eight episodes yet but it has earned FOX's backing.
George Clooney has recruited yer actual Huge Laurie his TV comeback. Clooney is working with Hulu on an episodic adaptation of Joseph Heller's novel Catch-22, a dense and biting satire on the stupidity of war. Clooney is producing Catch-22 with his long-time professional partner Grant Heslov and will also have a supporting role in the series as the sadistic US army colonel Cathcart. Cathcart is the mastermind behind an absurd Catch-22 policy which disqualifies any pilots from service if they are willing to undertake a knowingly deadly missions. However, any pilot who is aware that such flights are dangerous - and, as a consequence, doesn't want to do them - is ruled to be of sound mind and, thus, fit for duty. Laurie will be reportedly play one of the air force base's top-ranking officers, Major de Coverley. The series has also recently cast Girls' Christopher Abbott as the novel's main character, Yossarian, a young pilot struggling to keep up with his increasingly-dangerous missions. The novel was, previously, the subject of a patchy movie adaptation directed by Mike Nichols.
ITV is to continue its habit of turning real-life crime stories into dramas by making a series based on the Jeremy Bamber murder case. According to Radio Times, the broadcaster is in the process of creating a six-part series which has the working title The White House Farm Murders. It is being scripted by Kris Mrksa, the writer who recently delivered the BBC's thriller Requiem. The series will dramatise the night of 6 August 1985, when Nevill and June Bamber were shot and killed at their Essex farmhouse. Their adopted daughter, Sheila Caffell, and Sheila's six-year-old twins, Daniel and Nicholas, were also murdered. After a police investigation, Jeremy Bamber - Nevill and June's adopted son - was arrested for the murders. He was subsequently convicted of five counts of murder in October 1986. Bamber still continues to deny that he was involved in the deaths. Mrksa told Radio Times: 'There's a strong procedural line running through it but it's really more about the characters. I think there's a complex story there of the pressures and resentments and dysfunction of families.' An ITV spokesperson told the Digital Spy website: 'We can confirm a drama series entitled The White House Farm Murders is being developed.' ITV is also currently creating a drama series based on the hunt for the serial killer Levi Bellfield, who murdered Milly Dowler in 2002. Manhunt will see Martin Clunes play Detective Chief Inspector Colin Sutton, the lead detective on the investigation.
BBC1's revival of The Generation Game received broadly piss-poor reviews from those critics who expressed an opinion. The show, which has previously been presented by Larry Grayson and Bruce Forsyth, returned with Mel Giedroyc and Sue Perkins on Easter Sunday. Critics described it as 'desperate' and 'a shameless carbon copy' of the versions broadcast in the 1970s and 1980s. Nevertheless, it was a medium-size overnight ratings hit - attracting an average of five million viewers, according to initial figures. It was the second most watched programme on Sunday evening after Countryfile. Richard Osman and Lorraine Kelly appeared on the first episode of the new series, which featured tasks including plate spinning and sausage making. The Torygraph's Gerard O'Donovan gave the show one star in his review. 'If the BBC doesn't think a revival is potentially good enough to beat the Saturday night competition on ITV, then it has no business reviving The Generation Game in the first place,' he sneered. 'As for the show itself, there's little to say other than that it was a shameless carbon copy of memorable moments from The Generation Game of the 1970s or 80s. In terms of what we should expect from prime time Easter television, this fell well short of the mark. And it focuses the mind on what we should be saying to those responsible for entertainment at the BBC: stop trying to revisit the past. Go away and think up some original ideas.' The Times' Carol Midgley awarded it a whole two stars, though she didn't appear to like it any more than O'Donovan did. 'The Generation Game [was] cut from four to two episodes amid rumours that the shows were not good enough,' she pointed out. 'So, what we saw was the cream? The mind boggles. The problem here was that you could almost smell the desperation to make it work, from the canned laughter to the fact that it used penis-based humour in not one, but two of the games. It needs to relax and dial down the gush. Brucie made it look so easy. Didn't he do well?' The BBC defended the show against the accusations of canned laughter. A statement said: 'The show was filmed in front of a live studio audience and the overwhelming majority of the laughter was from the recording.' Writing for the i paper, Jeff Robson agreed that certain elements of the show 'smacked of desperation. It was unfortunate this latest effort arrived so close to the BBC's Bruce Forsyth tribute - a reminder of his gift for generating impromptu laughs (and an occasional frisson of annoyance) from the contestants' ineptness or scene-stealing,' he said. 'By comparison, this felt forced and scripted, another territory for the Mel and Sue brand to colonise post-Bake Off rather than an original updating of an old format.' But the Gruniad Morning Star's Sam Wollaston was more generous, awarding the show three stars in his review. 'Actually, I don't think Brucie and Larry will be turning in their graves. They might even have approved,' he said. 'The resurrection recaptures the spirit of show - a throwback to a simpler time when Britain had neither Talent nor X Factor, and making a mess and peddling suggestive jokes was acceptable as family entertainment. Somehow, it manages to be both a little bit glorious and groansome to the max at the same time.'
Top Gear viewers were in for a considerable shock on Sunday night as a car caught fire mid-filming with Chris Harris and Eddie Jordan inside. The pair were taking the fifty grand new Renault Alpine A1-10 round the Monte Carlo Rally when it burst into flames moments after a warning light popped up on the dashboard, because of an electrical fault. Fortunately, neither Harris nor Mad Eddie were actually killed in the incident.
True Detective's third series is getting off to a rocky start. The long-delayed return of HBO's true crime anthology series has lost its co-director Jeremy Saulnier after filming only two episodes, reportedly because of 'a scheduling clash.' Saulnier was to have shared directing duties with True Detective creator Nic Pizzolatto, but he will now be replaced by Primetime EMMY Award-winning Game Of Thrones and Walking Dead veteran Daniel Sackheim. An HBO spokesperson told The Hollywood Reporter: 'Director and executive producer Jeremy Saulnier has completed the first two episodes of True Detective season three and will be departing the production due to scheduling issues. Daniel Sackheim has come on board as a director and executive producer for the series alongside series creator and director Nic Pizzolatto.' HBO only recommissioned True Detective after keeping the franchise dormant for two years while it could be retooled, following an underwhelmed reception for the second series. The third run will star Mahershala Ali, Carmen Ejogo and Ray Fisher in a story arc based around a missing child case that has repercussions across two generations.
A story in the Observer about Brexit emojis seemingly fooled the BBC Breakfast team on Sunday. The presenters realised that they had fallen for the April Fools fake story after viewers pointed out what reporter Scherzo Primavera's name means in Italian: 'Joke of spring.'
Holidaymakers heading to mainland Europe this summer will be able to watch their favourite shows from home for the first time, including live Premier League football, thanks to a freeing up of regulations allowing access to UK online TV services. From Monday, broadcasters including Sky, ITV and Amazon are allowing Britons on the continent to access their pay-TV subscriptions via online services Now TV, ITV Hub+ and Prime Instant Video. Previously, travellers could not legally access UK TV on devices in mainland Europe, forcing TV fans to either miss their favourite shows, watch local TV or turn to illegal streaming services. While pay-TV services are being forced to provide their customers with access, providers of free TV have been given the choice and the BBC will not follow suit. 'Households are effectively paying a subscription for the BBC so you could ask why it doesn't it fall under the same umbrella [as pay-TV companies],' Richard Broughton, analyst at Ampere Copper's Narked to the Gruniad Morning Star. Who, obviously, were not pushing any sick agenda. Oh no, very hot water. 'The rules encourage free-to-air broadcasters to launch their online services across Europe, the option is available but the rules stop short of mandating it.' Pay-TV services can identify who is accessing their content as they have detailed information, such as a billing relationship, so non-payers are not watching TV for free. Last year, the BBC introduced a registration system for the iPlayer - which includes e-mail and postcode information and a 'pin and pair' system for smart TVs – which has so far attracted twenty five million sign-ups. However, it is not robust enough to guarantee non-licence fee payers would be barred from watching BBC TV for free if it were to be made available in mainland Europe. The BBC has previously said it is 'looking at' whether a verification system is required for the iPlayer to block non-licence fee payers from accessing content. 'We are interested in being able to allow UK licence fee payers to access BBC iPlayer while they are on holiday and welcome the European Union regulation to help make this feasible,' said a spokesman for the BBC. 'There are complex technical issues to resolve which we are investigating and it will be dependent on what legislation is in effect in the UK in the future.' Channel Four and ITV are not making their free services available for access on the continent either also the Gruniad, seemingly, didn't think it was worth stirring up any shit over that. If viewers outside Britain started watching these services en-masse it would undermine the one billion knicker industry which sells British shows such as Victoria, Z-List Celebrity Love Island and Sherlock to broadcasters across Europe. Members of Amazon's video service who are away for the August holidays will now not have to wait to watch its biggest series launch of the year, Jack Ryan, the big budget re-imagining of Tom Clancy's spy, played by Harrison Ford on the big screen. Similarly, TV fans who are away when Sky shows such as the second series of Westworld or Deep State, the MI6 espionage thriller starring Mark Strong will also now not have to wait until they get home to start watching them. Live sport will also be made available to be streamed by Sky for the first time. 'The new portability rules for online content is great news for TV lovers everywhere,' said Gidon Katz, managing director of Sky's Now TV service. 'Holidays are all about unwinding and it is clear TV is a big part about how Brits relax, so it's great news that you can swap your sofa for a sunbed and your cuppa for a cocktail and never have to worry about missing your favourite TV on holiday again.' Netflix allows subscribers to access the local version of its service in whichever country a person is in allowing complete access to all content.
Stranger Things creators the Duffer Brothers are reportedly being sued by a director who claims that they lifted ideas for the hit Netflix drama from his 2012 short film. Charlie Kessler, who has worked on a number of Netflix series including Daredevil and Luke Cage, claims that he screened the film, Montauk, to Matt and Ross Duffer in 2014, in the hope of developing it into a full-length feature. Kessler alleges that the pair then used elements of the work as the basis for Stranger Things. According to the lawsuit, Montauk's storyline features 'a number of elements similar' to those seen in the Netflix series, including children with enhanced thoughts and abilities, a military facility that carries out secret experiments on humans and a monstrous creature from another dimension. The suit also claims that the Duffers' series was given the working title of The Montauk Project, with the series originally set in the Long Island town of Montauk before the setting was ultimately changed to Indiana. Both the series and the film were inspired by rumours of a secret military operation titled Project Montauk, which is said to have conducted experiments on humans. 'After the massive success of Stranger Things that is based on Plaintiff's concepts that Plaintiffs discussed with Defendants, Defendants have made huge sums of money by producing the series based on Plaintiff's concepts without compensating or crediting Plaintiff for his Concepts,' Kessler's suit says. Kessler is seeking monetary damages and a jury trial over the alleged plagiarism. In a statement to the Press Association, the Duffer brothers' lawyer, Alex Kohner described Kessler's claim as 'completely meritless. He had no connection to the creation or development of Stranger Things.' Since its release in 2016, Stranger Things has become something of a pop-cultural phenomenon, turning its lead, Millie Bobby Brown, into an international star. Although Netflix does not release viewership information for their series, figures from data company Nielsen suggested that around fifteen million US viewers watched the first episode of the show's second series in the three days following its release. Stranger Things has since been renewed for a third series.
China's defunct Tiangong-1 space lab mostly broke up on re-entering the Earth's atmosphere above the South Pacific, Chinese and US reports suggest. It re-entered the atmosphere just after Midnight GMT on Monday, China's Manned Space Engineering Office said. Tiangong-1 was launched in 2011 to carry out docking and orbit experiments. It was part of China's efforts to build a manned space station by 2022, but stopped working in March 2016. As to where it made Earthfall, the rather vague 'above the South Pacific' is the line from space officials. US specialists at the Joint Force Space Component Command said that they had used orbit analysis technology to confirm Tiangong-1's re-entry. Astronomer Jonathan McDowell, from the Harvard-Smithsonian Centre for Astrophysics, tweeted that it 'appeared' to have come down 'North-West of Tahiti.' Experts had struggled to predict exactly where the lab would make its re-entry - and China's space agency wrongly suggested it would be off Sao Paulo, Brazil, shortly before the moment came. The European Space Agency said in advance that Tiangong-1 would 'probably' break up 'over water.' Which, given that water covers almost seventy per cent the Earth's surface, was probably a fair-to-middling guess anyway. It stressed that the chances of anyone actually being hit by debris from the module were 'ten million times smaller than the yearly chance of being hit by lightning.' It is not clear how much of the debris reached the Earth's surface intact. Traditionally, thrusters are fired on large vehicles to drive them towards a remote zone over the Southern Ocean. This option appears not to have been available after the loss of command links. Thirteen space agencies, under the leadership of the European Space Agency, used radar and optical observations to follow Tiangong's path around the globe. Tiangong was certainly on the large size for uncontrolled re-entry objects, but it was far from being the biggest, historically: The US space agency's Skylab was almost eighty tonnes in mass when it came back partially uncontrolled in 1979. Parts struck Western Australia but no-one on the ground was injured. NASA's Columbia shuttle would also have to be classed as an uncontrolled re-entry. Its mass was more than one hundred tonnes when it made its tragic return from orbit in 2003. Again, no-one on the ground was hit as debris scattered through the US states of Texas and Louisiana. McDowell believes that Tiangong is only around the fiftieth 'most massive object' to come back uncontrolled. China has launched a second lab, Tiangong-2, which continues to be operational. It was visited by a re-fuelling freighter, Tianzhou-1, just last year. China's future permanent space station is expected to comprise a large core module and two smaller ancillary modules and will be in service early in the next decade, the nation says. A new rocket, The Long March Five - an excellent name of an r and/or b band, one could suggest - was recently introduced to perform the heavy lifting that will be required to get the core module in orbit.
An Indian court has extremely sentenced Bollywood actor Salman Khan to five years in The Big House for poaching rare antelope in 1998. The court in Jodhpur also fined him ten thousand rupees for the crime. Khan reportedly killed the two blackbucks, a protected species, in the Western state of Rajasthan while shooting a film. Four other actors who starred with him in the movie and were also charged with the offence have been acquitted. Khan can appeal against the verdict in a higher court. Correspondents say that he will have to spend 'at least a few days' in The Pokey. This is the fourth case filed against the actor in connection with poaching animals during the filming of the 1998 movie Hum Saath Saath Hain. He has been acquitted in three of them. In 2006, a trial court convicted the actor in two cases of poaching and sentenced him to five years in prison. The Rajasthan high court suspended the sentence the following year and eventually acquitted him in 2016. The state government has appealed against that order in the Supreme Court. The original poaching case against him was filed by the local Bishnoi community, who revere and worship the blackbuck. In December 2015, Khan was cleared in a 2002 hit-and-run case in which a homeless man died and four others were in injured. His car allegedly ran over them while they were sleeping on a street in Mumbai. A lower court had convicted him in May 2015. During his trial, Khan had argued that his driver had been behind the wheel, but the judge said it was the actor who had been driving whilst under the influence of alcohol. Seven months later, the high court acquitted him. It said that key evidence - including testimony from a policeman who had since died - was 'not reliable.' In January 2017, Khan was also acquitted in another case that charged him with using illegal firearms to kill the blackbucks. One of Bollywood's biggest stars, the actor has appeared in more than one hundred films and has a huge fan following across the vast spectrum of Indian society. His fans include the middle-class English-speaking audiences as well as poorer slum dwellers for whom the three hundred and fifty-rupee cinema tickets represent a significant financial outlay. Known for his romantic roles as well as action films, Khan has won several prestigious Indian cinema awards. The eldest of the three sons of well-known screenplay writer Salim Khan, he is a hit on social media too - his Facebook page is liked by more than thirty six million fans.
A spike in violent crime in London saw more murders committed in the city in February and March than there were in New York, figures show. So far in 2018, forty six people have been fatally stabbed, shot or seriously injured in London compared with fifty in the US city. But, whilst New York's rate month-on-month has decreased since January, London's is on the rise. Ex-Met Police Chief Superintendent Leroy Logan said it is 'proof' that 'London's violent traits have become a virus.' Statistics from the New York Police Department and the Metropolitan Police, reported in The Sunday Times, highlight narrowing murder rates between the two cities which have similar population sizes. City Hall says it is 'deeply concerned' by knife crime in the capital, but, along with the Met Police, insists that London 'remains one of the safest in the world.' Usually.
A Kuwaiti court has extremely sentenced a married couple to death for the killing their a Filipina maid. A Lebanese man and his Syrian wife were convicted in absentia. The body of Joanna Demafelis was dumped in a freezer in their abandoned apartment. It was discovered in February, more than a year after the murder seemingly took place. The death triggered a diplomatic crisis between Kuwait and the Philippines. Outrage in the Philippines led to a ban on Filipinos travelling to work in Kuwait. After Interpol launched an international manhunt, the couple were very arrested in February in Syria. Nader Essam Assaf was handed over to the authorities in his native Lebanon, which is reportedly now considering a Kuwaiti extradition request. His Syrian wife, Mona, is currently being held in Damascus. Authorities in the Philippines say that they have facilitated the return of more than one thousand 'distressed overseas Filipino workers' from Kuwait after the body was found. Most were household servants. The Philippines' Department of Foreign Affairs estimates that some two hundred and fifty thousand of its citizens are currently living and working in the country. In many Gulf countries, migrant workers obtain visas under a controversial sponsorship system known as kafala. The system effectively ties immigrants, who often work as live-in maids, to their employers for the duration of their stay.
A former A&E consultant has been jailed for twelve years for possessing firearms with intent to endanger life. Doctor Martin Watt, who worked at Monklands Hospital in Airdrie from 1994, was very sacked in 2012 following disciplinary proceedings. The sixty two-year-old was later found tooled up with three sub-machine guns, two pistols, ammunition and what was described as 'an assassination list' of those he blamed for his misfortunes. He was found extremely guilty last month after a trial at the High Court in Glasgow. The court had heard how he compiled a list of 'bad guys' and hatched a plan to 'assassinate' them. Watt used the weapons for target practice to make himself a better marksman. He was also alleged to have researched the best routes to the addresses of some of the people on his list and compiled a list of some of their car registration numbers. His home in Lanarkshire was raided by police last year 'after a tip-off.' Jailing him, judge Lady Stacey told Watt: 'These are lethal weapons. Not only did you have the guns, you had live ammunition. The weapons were all in working order because you reactivated them. You had them with intent to endanger life and any court must take a very serious view of this. You represent a danger to members of the public. You had researched routes to some addresses, you told the jury you practised shooting to make yourself a better marksman.' The judge added: 'It is sad to see a man who has held position you have, in this situation, but I must protect the public.' She ordered Watt to be on licence for three years after his release from prison. A Serious Crime Prevention Order was also granted restricting his Internet use, travel and NHS visits for five years after his release from custody. Watt, who continues to insist that he did not plan to actually harm anyone with the weapons, smiled as sentence was passed and nodded while the judge was speaking. He had claimed he had merely compiled the 'hit list' as a way of 'making himself feel better' and had 'no intention' of carrying out any attacks. Defence QC John Scott said: 'This is clearly a most unusual case and Doctor Watt is an unusual person to be sitting in the dock at the High Court. He is a medical man who with over thirty years of significant public service in the NHS. He had a prominent role in the campaign to keep Monklands Hospital. He is an intelligent man who has made a positive contribution to society.' Police found three Skorpion sub-machine guns, two Valtro shooters and ammunition including fifty seven dum-dum bullets when they searched his home in Condorrat in May of last year. The court heard that Watt bought decommissioned weapons, legally, from the Czech Republic and put them back into working order in his workshop. They also uncovered the 'bad guys' list, along with information on individual addresses and car registrations. The 'template' for the attacks was said to have been 'based on a film about a group of mercenaries.' Though, they didn't say which one. Watt also carried out target practice with a Skorpion sub-machine gun at a forest area close to a motorway near his home. Nicky Patrick, procurator fiscal for homicide and major crime, said: 'Martin Watt put together the collection of guns for a particular purpose and there would have had extreme consequences had he been able to carry out his intentions. It was clear from the case presented in court that he had gone beyond simply thinking about his actions and there was a clear plan in place to carry out a dreadful event. The prosecution case against Watt was built on the excellent intelligence led operation put together by Police Scotland and colleagues across the country.'
Fewer people's jobs are likely to be destroyed by artificial intelligence and robots than has been suggested by a much-cited study, an OECD report says. An influential 2013 forecast by Oxford University claimed that about forty seven per cent of jobs in the US in 2010 and thirty five per cent in the UK were 'at high risk' of being automated over the following twenty years. But the OECD puts the US figure at about ten per cent and the UK's at twelve per cent. Even so, it says that many more workers face their tasks 'significantly changing.' The OECD says the previous forecasts 'exaggerated' the 'impact of automation' because they had 'relied on a broad grouping together of jobs with the same title.' Its new analysis, by contrast, takes account of the differences between jobs with the same name. For example, the role of a carpenter can vary greatly depending on what type of projects a chippy is involved in, how much autonomy they have and the size of their employer. Some of those roles may be more vulnerable to automation than others. The study did, however, flag up that young people could find it harder to find work in future as entry-level posts had a higher risk of automation than jobs requiring more experience. The research was published last month, but attracted little attention until covered by the Financial Times. The earlier study by Oxford University's Carl Frey and Michael Osborne formed the basis for projections by the Bank of England, as well as a popular 'risk-prediction tool' by the BBC. It also inspired several other studies which, similarly, produced high double-digit estimates of the percentage of jobs facing wipe-out. But the OECD said that 'a variety of factors' made some similarly-titled jobs 'less susceptible' to automation than others, depending on whether computers and other human labour-replacing equipment have already been adopted; the role involves having to deal with complex social relationships, including caring for others and recognising cultural sensitivities and the post requires lots of creativity and complex reasoning or the job requires lots of physical manipulation of objects in a constantly changing work environment. By referring to another recent OECD survey, the organisation was able to take some of these factors into account. Overall, the economic body, which monitors the economies of the world's richer countries, predicted that fourteen per cent of jobs across thirty two surveyed member nations were at high risk over the specified period. High risk was defined as there being greater than a seventy per cent chance the role would be lost to automation. That equated to sixty six million posts, it said. It added that a further thirty two per cent of jobs faced significant upheaval. Its report also highlighted 'variations' between different global regions. Posts in Anglo-Saxon, Nordic countries and the Netherlands were 'less likely' to be automated than those in the South and East of Europe, as well as Germany, Chile and Japan, it said. In addition, the report said that it found 'no measurable evidence' that AI was 'significantly impacting' jobs requiring high levels of education and skill, despite what others had claimed. However, the OECD added that lower-skilled jobs involving routine tasks - including cleaners, agricultural labourers and food preparers - faced 'significantly more impact' than previous waves of automation. It highlighted a further revelation: the risk of automation appears to be highest among the jobs typically done by teenagers. 'Youth and adults do different things at work, even when they hold jobs with the same occupational title,' the report said. 'The warnings in some developed countries that teen jobs have been harder to come by in recent years should be taken seriously and studied in the context of job automation.' Both Professor Osborne and Doctor Frey told the BBC that they had not had a chance to read the study in enough detail to discuss it at this point. But one 'independent expert' commented that any predictions of this type should be treated with caution. 'The problem with all studies attempting to apply empirical evidence to this debate is they fail to take into account the accelerating improvement in the ability of AI systems,' said Calum Chace, author of The Economic Singularity. 'It is a foolish person who declares today the limitations of what those machines will be capable of. It is at least a serious possibility that within a generation - thirty years - many or most people will be unemployable because machines will be able to do whatever they could do for money better, cheaper and faster. We should be taking this possibility seriously and working out what we would do about it.'
A man who choked a woman he had just met during The Sex has been jailed for six years. Mark Bruce had been on a night out in Aberdeen on 3 November last year when he started chatting to twenty-year-old Chloe Miazek at a bus stop. They went to Bruce's flat where they went to bed at 3.30am for the purposes of The Sex. During this, Bruce fatally squeezed his hands around the supermarket worker's neck. Support worker Bruce, who had already pleaded very guilty to culpable homicide, was jailed at the High Court in Edinburgh. Judge Lord Kinclaven said there was 'a significant sexual element' to the offence, adding that a prison term was his only sentencing option.
Anyone watching the Commonwealth Games opening ceremony on the Gold Coast on Wednesday night will remember that one cracking shot during Rikki-Lee Coulter's beach-themed performance. Sharing the sandy stage with the singer in the centre of Carrara Stadium were at least one hundred performers, including dancer Georgia Lear. The nineteen-year-old went from relative obscurity to 'social media sensation' when, halfway through the song, the camera switched to a group of bikini-dressed dancers as they flung their towels over their backs and ran behind their partners, except Lear's towel became tangled as she ran for cover, exposing what appeared to be a bare behind. For mere seconds it was visible to the near three million viewers across Australia tuning in and millions more watching around the world. Speaking to ABC Brisbane on Friday, Lear said that at first she was horrified, but now she can see the funny side of things. 'I had to really quickly move position from one to another on the sand stage,' she said. 'My bikini has gone straight up my bum as I was running, and as I was bent over there was a poor cameraman right behind me who got a shot of everything. I didn't even notice at the time. I came off stage and have seen posts on Facebook about it. I went "Oh God, what's just happened?" I just mooned royalty.' She said that minutes later reality began to sink in. 'Mum and dad were watching at home, mum actually sent me a message going "Do you know what you've just done?" They didn't enjoy that one, but they're having a laugh now, which is good. I've got really supportive friends and family. I was mortified [at first]. But everyone's seen it, it's out there, billions have seen it, so you've just got to have a laugh. There's not much more I can do now,' she said. 'Everyone has a bum, it's fine. Maybe not on TV.'
A man was reportedly hurt near Houston on Thursday after apparently putting the wrong foot forward in a close encounter with a pair of moose. State officials said that he had kicked one of the animals and then was kicked in return. Really hard. Ken Barkley, the Mat-Su Borough's deputy chief of emergency services, said that an initial report of 'a moose attack' came in. 'It was a moose trampled [a person's] foot,' Barkley said. Troopers spokeswoman Megan Peters said that the two moose involved – a cow and an older calf – had 'left the area, after a situation' Peters summed up as 'man kicks moose, moose kicks man.' Asked which moose the man had kicked, Peters said, 'The cow.' Ken Marsh, a spokesman for the state Department of Fish and Game, said that the man reportedly escaped serious injuries in the encounter. 'It sounds like the moose were on a trail and in this case, it sounds like the guy was trying to go through them,' Marsh said. 'That's never a good idea.'
A Phoenix mother was accused of shooting her son with a Taser to 'wake him up for Easter church services' on Sunday, according to reports. Sharron Dobbins was very arrested after she allegedly hit her seventeen-year-old son's left leg with 'a contact Taser,' Fox Ten reported, citing court documents. Dobbins reportedly told law enforcement officials that she 'only sparked the Taser' and didn't actually use it on her son. An eighteen-year-old family member claimed to have witnessed the incident. The woman's son told police that Dobbins did use the Taser, but that he didn't want to testify against her. He did not complain about any pain but had two bumps on his leg where the Taser made contact, according to the reports. Dobbins was extremely arrested Sunday on one count of child abuse. She reportedly released from jail on the condition that she could not 'initiate any contact with the arresting officer' or 'possess any weapons, including a Taser,' a judge said.
A Pennsylvania woman who claims that she was 'trying to scare' her husband when she accidentally shot and killed him has been sentenced to five years' probation. Fifty-three-year-old Catherine Lucas claimed that the gun she was pointing at her husband 'just went off.' And, that was the end of his shit. She said the couple had been 'arguing throughout the night' and that he had threatened her with the gun earlier. Lucas called police on 3 February 2017, to report the shooting. Her husband, forty six-year-old Kevin Lucas, was found extremely dead of a single gunshot wound - to the face - at their Springfield Township home. Prosecutors originally charged her with homicide. She accepted a deal to plead no contest to a reduced charge of involuntary manslaughter on Wednesday. Prosecutors did not object to the sentence.
A Virginia woman was arrested on Wednesday after she reportedly threatened to blow up a Seven-Eleven convenience store. Crystal Mostek walked into the store in Virginia Beach and allegedly placed a device on the counter and told a store employee it was a bomb, WAVY reported. She then allegedly threatened to blow up the store with the item, which was later determined not to be a bomb, according to a Virginia Beach Fire Department spokesperson. Mostek was booked in the Virginia Beach jail and charged with threatening to bomb or damage buildings and possession of a hoax explosive device. During an arraignment on Thursday, Mostek claimed that she is not guilty and the charges are false, WTKR reported. Her attorney is reportedly looking into whether she needs mental health treatment.
A twenty four-year-old Virginia woman allegedly driving drunk in New Jersey over the weekend smashed into two parked cars, then switched seats with her - also allegedly drunk - friend, who crashed into another two vehicles, authorities say. Officers responding to a nine-one-one call in Hoboken early on Saturday found Jamila Banks, of Alexandria, in the front passenger seat of her SUV. Janelle Green, a twenty three-year-old from Newark, was behind the wheel. Police say that both women 'reeked of alcohol' and reported that they had been at a club. They allegedly told officers that they were 'trying to figure out who was less drunk' and who could, therefore, drive; both were over the legal limit - one had a blood alcohol level of 0.17 and the other had one of 0.14, though police didn't specify which was 'more drunk.' No injuries were reported in any of the crashes. Green and Banks were both charged with drunken driving in a school zone, as well as reckless driving and, if convicted, face some potentially serious porridge in The Big House.
A 'dangerous trend among teens' is reportedly 'causing concern among the medical community.' The 'condom snorting challenge' is exactly what it sounds like: Teens are taking to the Internet to post videos of themselves snorting a condom up one nostril and inhaling until it - hopefully - re-emerges into the mouth. CBS News reports that the 'potentially life-threatening practice' dates back a few years but has resurfaced in recent days. Unsurprisingly, doctors and school officials are 'speaking out' against 'the dangerous party trick' and 'urging teens not to partake.' The biggest health risk the challenge poses, experts say, is that it's a choking hazard. 'You are literally putting something down your nose, which connects to your mouth, which connects to your trachea,' Doctor Ammar Ali, an emergency room physician at Beaumont Health, told CBS Detroit. 'I mean, you are risking choking on it.' In addition to choking, Doctor Robert Glatter, an emergency physician at Lenox Hill Hospital in New York City, says inhalation of a condom 'can lead to infection' - and it could even get stuck. 'The nasal passages and sinuses have special cells that can be damaged if objects such as condoms are placed in them, potentially leading to a bacterial or fungal infection,' he told CBS News. He also points to a 2004 report published in The Indian Journal of Chest Disease & Allied Sciences, which documents the case of a woman who accidentally inhaled a condom during oral sex which led to pneumonia and partial lung collapse. A more recent report from 2016 found a woman suffered from appendicitis after she accidentally swallowed a condom during oral sex and a piece of it lodged in her appendix. 'Even if you successfully complete the challenge and pull the condom out your mouth, the bottom line is that it's incredibly irritating and a good chance it will wreak havoc on your sinuses, nasal passages, and upper airway,' Glatter added. 'These should be reasons enough to discourage you from attempting this dangerous challenge.' The condom snorting challenge is the latest in a series of dangerous viral trends that have spread online among teens. Earlier this year, poison control centres reported 'a spike in incidents' as the result of a dare encouraging young people to post videos of themselves biting or eating Tide Pods, which contain caustic and toxic cleaning chemicals. When it comes to such challenges, experts urge teens to 'use common sense.' Which might seem likea contradiction in terms, frankly. 'They need to learn from parents and teachers that stunts like this can land them in the hospital, ICU, and it can be deadly,' Glatter told CBS.
Goals from yer actual Jonjo Shelvey and Ayoze Perez his very self helped Keith Telly Topping's beloved (though still unsellable) Newcastle United beat Leicester City and record a third straight Premier League victory in the process. The Magpies started brightest at The King Power Statium and Shelvey's shot from outside the area opened the scoring mid-way through the first-half. Leicester felt they could have had a penalty before the break when Paul Dummett tackled Riyad Mahrez in the box. But, Perez doubled the lead for Rafa The Gaffer's side fifteen minutes from time with a delightful lob over Kasper Schmeichel. In a manner not entirely dissimilar to the way in which Philippe Albert lobbed Kasper's dad, Bacon Sandwich twenty years ago. Jamie Vardy grabbed a late goal from close range for the home side, but it proved to be only a consolation. As much of a consolation, in fact, as the fact that The Foxes' Harry Maguire was given only a yellow card after he punched Dwight Gayle reet in the mush. It was the relentlessness of the visitors' desire which sat at such a contrast to what had happened on the same pitch three years earlier - the day that Newcastle fans produced a banner which stated 'We don't demand a team that wins. We demand a club that tries.' In an incredible twenty five-second spell during the second half, Newcastle's players made nine challenges in a row, five of them proper, old-fashioned bone crunching fifty-fifty and for each one, the roar from the North East corner of the stadium grew. The win - United's first at Leicester since 1999 - took Newcastle up to tenth place in the Premier League, their highest placing since November.
The Scum staged an incredible second-half fightback to beat Sheikh Yer Man City and delay their Manchester rivals' Premier League title celebrations at The Etihad. Paul Pogba scored two goals in two minutes to overturn City's first-half lead before Chris Smalling's header completed the dramatic turnaround. Vincent Kompany had scored a thumping header before Ilkay Gundogan's sublime skill and precise finish doubled City's lead. But City, who would have been crowned champions with victory, will have to wait as second-placed The Scum narrowed the gap to thirteen points ensuring there would be no celebrations on derby day. At least, not in Manchester, anyway. In Essex, Wiltshire, Australia and all the other places that Manchester United supporters live, there was, one imagines, dancing in the streets. Sheikh Yer Man City will need to win at Stottingtot Hotshots next Saturday and hope that The Scum drop points at home to relegation-haunted West Bromwich Albinos the day after to be confirmed as Premier League champions next weekend. The hosts should have been away after a blistering opening period saw them tear The Scum apart and hold a comfortable lead going into the second half. They could have had a penalty within five minutes when Ashley Young slipped and appeared to touch the ball away from Raheem Sterling with his hand after David Silva had crossed in from the left. Bernardo Silva was inches away from poking home shortly afterwards but he failed to get enough on the ball to beat the outstretched leg of David de Gea. Kompany then made no mistake when he leapt highest and beat Smalling to head home from a corner and give City a deserved lead, before Gundogan turned away from Smalling in the box to make it two-nil. Sterling should have scored twice soon afterwards but he fired both efforts over the bar and Gundogan also had a free header from eight yards out which he squandered. City started the second half in similar fashion as Gundogan clipped the post with a curling effort but Pogba's quick double interrupted their rhythm and reversed the momentum. Smalling, who had been at fault for both City goals in the first half, then directed his header past Ederson to round off a tremendous comeback in the sixty ninth minute. That was not the end of the drama, though, as substitute Sergio Aguero had a strong claim for a penalty turned down after a challenge by Young - and moments later players from both sides clashed as tensions threatened to boil over with the pushing and the shoving and that. De Gea pulled off a sensational save in the eighty ninth minute to deny Aguero a late equaliser, before Sterling saw the ball ricochet off his hip and hit the post before the keeper palmed it away.
Elsewhere, The Liverpool Alabama Yee-Haws were held to a drab goalless draw by Everton in a Merseyside derby sandwiched between Liverpool's Champions League quarter-final ties against Sheikh Yer Man City. Herr Klopp made five changes from the three-nil win over City in midweek, choosing not to risk top scorer Mohamed Salah. And, as the game wore on, he substituted James Milner and Sadio Mane, perhaps with one eye on Tuesday's second leg at The Etihad. Christian Eriksen scored twice as Stottingtot Hotshots made it six league wins in a row to increase Dirty Stoke's relegation fears. Burnley scored twice in three second-half minutes to come from behind at Watford and secure a fourth consecutive top-flight win for the first time since 1968. Bournemouth twice came from behind to draw with Crystal Palace, who edged three points clear of the relegation zone. Huddersfield claimed a potentially crucial point in their own battle against relegation as they drew one-one with ten-man Brighton & Hove Albinos at The Amex Stadium. And, West Bromwich Albinos' faint hopes of Premier League survival suffered yet another setback after Swansea came from behind to draw and keep Brom ten points from safety with just five games left and on the verge of needing snookers. The Baggies were on course for a win in caretaker manager Darren Moore's first match after the mid-week tin-tacking of Alan Pardew courtesy of Jay Rodriguez's goal. But, on-loan striker Tammy Abraham levelled for Swansea with a late header.
Aston Villa's automatic promotion hopes were dealt a blow as they fell to three-one a Championship defeat at Norwich City. Which, one imagines, made sour-faced Steve Bruce even more sour-faced than usual. Fulham closed the gap on second-placed Cardiff to two points as Aleksandar Mitrovic's goal earned them a crucial victory at Sheffield Wednesday. The on-loan Serbian striker fired in his ninth goal in nine games to stretch Fulham's unbeaten run to nineteen matches. Matej Vydra scored his twentieth goal of the season as Derby County cruised to a comfortable home win over relegation-threatened Notlob. The Middlesbrough Smog Monsters bolstered their play-off hopes as Aitor Karanka's return to the Riverside Stadium as Nottingham Forest boss ended in defeat. Millwall's terrific form continued with a two-nil home win which saw them leapfrog play-off rivals Bristol City in the table. Sheffield United's play-off hopes suffered a setback as Tom Bradshaw's late goal gave Barnsley a three-two victory in a hard-fought South Yorkshire derby. And, at the bottom, Blunderland squandered a second-half lead at Dirty Leeds and slipped closer to a second consecutive relegation. Pablo Hernandez curled in a superb leveller to deny The Mackem Filth a second away win in a row and leave The Black Cats seven points from safety and staring League One in the face.
Accrington Stanley's owner, Andy Holt, can continue to buy his players burgers but the League Two leaders have been 'reminded of their responsibilities around bonuses' by the Football League. Who, clearly haven't got anything more important to do with their time than waste it on rank, trivial bollocks such as this nonsense. Holt - who seems like quite a good bloke and is well known for his generosity in, for example, buying drinks for Stanley supporters - had mentioned in an interview that he often gives the team two hundred quid to get 'a McDonald's or the like' if they win or draw but that if they don't, they have to pay for their own nosh! The EFL had questioned the deal, which is not part of the standard player contract, to check it met regulations. And, let us once again, simply stand up and salute the utter shite that some people chose to care about. 'The club's response confirmed that no contractual provisions exist to support payments in this manner,' the EFL said. 'However, EFL regulations do not prohibit the provision of subsistence and as long as the club adopts a consistent approach for all matches and arrangements are not linked to success on the pitch, the club can continue to make appropriate provision. The club was contacted as a result of a public comment made by Mister Holt in which he discussed providing his squad with a cash amount to spend on food or drink in the event of the team winning or drawing a match. Had Mister Holt's comment specified that the payment was made irrespective of the result, then there would have been no requirement to question the action, as it is acknowledged that subsistence is required for players after matches. The EFL has reminded the club of its responsibilities in relation to meeting EFL Regulations. It is a matter for the club to ensure it complies with all appropriate HMRC guidance regarding such matters.' Blah, blah, blah. A burger 'bonus' at Accrington would have gone against EFL regulation 61.6, which states that 'full details of all payments to or benefits paid in cash or in kind on behalf of players must be included in the standard contract.' Bonuses 'form part of the contract' and are to be included before the start of each season. However, exceptions may be made if the EFL are written to in advance. In a series of tweets leading up to Easter Monday's home game against promotion rivals Notts County, Holt defended his 'right to buy anyone a burger with my own money' and said that it was 'only the same as paying for a pre-match meal.' He added: 'You have to wonder what these folk would do with their life if it wasn't for my errors of judgement?' Accrington - who are they? - moved significantly closer to promotion from League Two on Saturday with a victory at Colchester. After which, one trusts, Holt bought his lads a celebratory burger and chips and tasty beverage of their choice as a direct way of telling the Football League to, you know, go fuck themselves.
Liverpool Alabama Yee-Haws manager Jurgen Klopp says that a 'few idiots killed everything' by attacking Sheikh Yer Man City's team bus at Anfield on Wednesday. Cans, bottles and flares were thrown at the bus as a crowd gathered in an orgy of sick and outrageous violence with kids gettin' sparked an' aal sorts before The Reds' three-nil Champions League quarter-final win. Merseyside Police are currently investigating the attack, while UEFA have reportedly opened disciplinary proceedings. No players or staff were injured during the incident but two police officers were hurt. Before the match, Merseyside Police had issued a statement saying that the two team coaches would 'not be taking their usual route' because of 'building works and to ensure the safety of fans.' Liverpool also shared the statement and asked their supporters 'to gather to show their passion and support for the team ... in a friendly, respectful and considerate manner.' 'I have to say apologies again for how things happened before the game,' said Herr Klopp. 'It's so strange. You go with your own bus through the crowd and it feels fantastic and it's great. It's support, it's passion. We come into the stadium and the first thing I heard was they had smashed the bus of Manchester City and it kills everything. You can't feel it any more. You give everyone the opportunity to do something good and because of a few idiots it might never happen again.'
US television producer and scriptwriter Steven Bochco, who created some of America's best known drama series, has died aged seventy four. Born in New York, Bochcp helped to define modern TV drama through work like Hill Street Blues, LA Law and NYPD Blue. His award-winning innovations included storylines spread over several hour-long programmes, ensemble casts and a more edgy content than US television had previously been used to. Bochco had been battling a rare form of leukaemia for several years. The writer was nominated for thirty EMMY awards and won ten of them. The seven series of Hill Street Blues won a further twenty six. The son of a painter and violin virtuoso, he grew up in Manhattan. After studying at New York University and the Carnegie Institute of Technology, he went to work for Universal Pictures as a writer and story editor on the detective series Ironside, Columbo and McMillan & Wife. From 2014 until 2016, he wrote and produced Murder In The First, a US police drama starring Taye Diggs and Kathleen Robertson. Former USA Today TV critic Robert Bianco summed up: 'If this is the Golden Age of television, Steven Bochco launched it and helped sustain it. Every great modern drama owes Hill Street Blues a debt.' Bochco is survived by his third wife, Dayna Kalins, his children Melissa Bochco, Jesse Bochco and Sean Flanagan and two grandchildren.
Over the last couple of weeks, dear blog reader, yer actual Keith Telly Topping has found himself involved in a - let it be said, utterly pointless - e-mail discussion with a youngling-type dear blog reader who was convinced that one of the Harry Potter movies which included seven or eight actors who have also appeared in Doctor Who 'must be some sort of record.' This blogger quickly assumed said youngling that it, in fact, wasn't (or anything even close to it). Keith Telly Topping offered up, off the top of his head, Hot Fuzz which had eleven (or, twelve if one counts Jim Broadent's appearance in The Cure Of Fatal Death as canon). 'I suspect,' Keith Telly Topping noted, 'that there may be movies with even more than that. I shall check.' And, indeed, Keith Telly Topping did. In so much as he asked his dear Facebook fiends if they knew of any advance on that figure. So, bigly thanks are therefore due to yer actual Barnaby Salton for reminding this blogger of the existence of the truly horrific 2012 movie adaptation of Run For Your Wife (fourteen), the legend that is Toby Hadoke for 1958's classic A Night To Remember (twenty) and George White for what appears to be the outright winner, The Spy Who Loved Me (at least thirty and possibly more if uncredited extras are taken into account). Unless, of course, you know different. These, dear blog reader, are the kind of things that keep yer actual Keith Telly Topping awake at night. Which probably explains so much.

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