Monday, October 05, 2009

Week Forty One: Hurry Up Harry

Lordy, lordy - it's dem old Top Telly Tips again.

Friday 9 October
Criminal Justice - 9:00 BBC1 - reaches its, hopefully compelling, climax tonight as the courts decide the future of Juliet and her children. Final part in the strip-scheduled drama starring Maxine Peake - obviously this is being written before the first part's even been shown but early evidence of the trailers suggest something just as compelling and gripping as last year's mini-series. Peter Moffat said of his script: 'When I finished writing the first Criminal Justice my strongest feeling was that there was an awful lot more to say about the criminal justice system – but I wanted to find a different approach. My wife used to be a family law barrister. Her practice involved a lot of work involving children being taken into care and damaged women with children. I have always been struck by the fact that the world of family law is hidden, secret and consequently misunderstood. What my wife and the people she worked with were telling me didn't accord with public perception. It occurred to me that writing a second Criminal Justice with a woman as the main character and the family courts alongside the criminal courts would make for impactful drama and a fresh way of looking at the system. Criminal Justice has a unique point of view. The central character is in most scenes; the process she is going through – crime, police station, courts, prison – is all seen from her perspective. This is because, as far as possible, I want the audience to share her experience. I think the power of television is through its intimacy – staying right in close with a woman going through what Juliet goes through for five straight hours of television drama is the most effective way of harnessing that power. I think we as a society should be judged by the standards of our criminal justice system. There's a lot that is good about our system and a lot that is bad. I have talked to so many police officers, prisoners, prison officers, prison governors, social workers, psychiatrists, lawyers and judges – and the thing they all share is strength of feeling about the workings of the system they are a part of. They care deeply about the rights and wrongs. I hope that Criminal Justice can help bring that strength of feeling out into the open and make it part of a bigger conversation.'

Saturday 10 October
It's a right big Harry Hill night on ITV as the big-collared, big-spectacled (and award-winning) comic returns as the saviour to all of the commercial channel's many and various woes. New You've Been Framed! - 7:00 ITV - sees the opening gambit of this return with a new series featuring the best of the public's camcorder and mobile phone calamities. Tonight's show features a skateboarding mum who comes a cropper, an amazing crazy golf shot, and a lawnmower with a mind of its own. Cheap (in more ways than the purely financial), suspiciously 'staged' and often weak in the humour department the show may well be. And, indeed, it is. But, with Harry providing the pithy commentary, it's always guaranteed to provide a few unexpected laughs. Subsequently, the multi-award-winning funny-man returns (again) with a new series of world class TV send-ups and parodies in Harry Hill's TV Burp - 7:30 ITV. As usual, Harry will be aiming his barbed and witty sights at a target containing all the usual culprits. Dermott O'Leary hugging people for no obvious reason; the many faces of Louis Walsh; absolutely anything remotely interesting that happens in Emmerdale (quite a short section, that one). And, as usual, it'll all include a big FIGHT. Ah, we've missed you, Harry, and your amusing brand of gentle, yet insightful, media deconstruction. Saturday nights in winter seem brighter already.

Sunday 11 October
Thanks to Alexander, the anthropomorphic CGI aristocrat meerkat on the Compare The Market adverts meerkats are, currently, the most popular thing on British television. Even more popular than reality TV contestants it would seem. Thus, the timing of a new run of Meerkat Manor - 5:40 BBC2 - couldn't be better. This is, of course, a long-running documentary series looking at the lives of a (thoroughly dysfunctional) family of meerkats living on the edge of the Kalahari Desert. When Wilson tries to join the Aztecs and Zaphod deters his encroachment, Wilson seeks the attention of one of the Whiskers' females. Produced by Oxford Scientific Films, this blends traditional animal documentary-style footage with a dramatic (and, sometimes, downright sarky) narration by Bill Nighy, to tell the story of the Whiskers - one of a dozen families of meerkats being studied as part of the Kalahari Meerkat Project, a long-term field study into the ecological causes and evolutionary consequences of the cooperative nature of meerkats. Entertaining, fascinating and charming. And, simples.

Emma - 9:00 BBC1 - the four-part adaptation of the Jane Austen classic continues with Emma attempting to marry off Harriet and Mr Elton, the vicar of Highbury. Although uninterested in marriage herself, she hopes to meet the mysterious and elusive Frank Churchill at a village Christmas party. Frank does not arrive, and instead Emma becomes the subject of unwanted attention from Mr Elton. A few weeks later, village gossip focuses on the arrival of young Jane Fairfax and a large piano she has been sent by a mystery admirer.

Monday 12 October
The much-trailed Life - 9:00 BBC1 - is David Attenborough's latest wildlife series. In nature, living long enough to breed is a monumental struggle for many species and some animals and plants go to extremes to give themselves a fighting chance. Three brother cheetahs band together to bring down a huge ostrich, bottle-nosed dolphins trap fish in a ring of mud, the Strawberry frog carries a tadpole high into a tree and drops it in a water-filled pond below and chinstrap penguins undertake a heroic and tragic journey through the broken ice to get out to sea. Using state-of-the-art filming techniques, this new ten-part BBC series - narrated by Attenborough - is about extreme behaviour. Our planet may be home to more than thirty million different animals and plants and every single one is locked in its own life-long fight for survival. Life uncovers some extraordinary strategies that have been developed to stay alive and to breed. Mind-blowing behaviour is captured for television for the first time includes the courtship battle, known as the heat run, of the humpback whale, a huge number of enormous Humboldt squid joining forces for night-time hunting and the legendary, fearsome Komodo dragons bringing down their buffalo prey. Four years in the making, Life is full of surprises, drama and spectacle. It's nature but not as you know it. Another example of why the BBC's Natural History Unit is the world leader in bringing this kind of thing to our screens.

In University Challenge - 8:00 BBC2 - the students representing Emmanuel College Cambridge do battle against Regent's Park College Oxford in another first-round match. As ever, Paxman asks the questions and demands the answers with a piercing stare that can have cabinet ministers gibbering like a demented lunatic, let alone a bunch of unfortunate (albeit very smart so don't feel too sorry for 'em) twentysomethings. The sort of students who seldom get invited to the cool kids' parties down the hall. After last year's Trimblegate fiasco it'll be interesting to see if, this time around, any particular bright and articulate student feels it's worth their while to stand out from the crowd and get a load of jealous abuse on the Internet for their trouble.

Masterchef The Professionals - 8:30 BBC2 - reaches the semi-finals stage tonight. Michel Roux and Gregg Wallace (together with the severe and scolding Monica) are on the hunt for a young chef who wants to cook their way to the top of the culinary world. In this week's batch of episodes, each pair of winners from the quarter-finals will go head-to-head for a place in the last four. The two winners from the second quarter-final must cook at the Roussillon in London's Pimlico and create two perfect dishes in the Masterchef kitchen. Only one can go through. As usual, the cunning mix of hurtful nastiness (occasionally from Gregg, often from Monica and always from those snooty-twat restaurant critics who get served up the hopefuls efforts every so often) and the pressure of the clock adds up a ludicrously entertaining feast. And one that is, more often than not, far more appetising than the nosh the Masterchef contestants serve up themselves.

Tuesday 13 October
In a re-enactment of Jules Verne's literary odyssey (and Michael Palin's TV series of a century later), six pairs of celebrities race against the clock to raise money for 2009's Children in Need in Around the World in Eighty Days - 9:00 BBC1. They form a global relay team to circumnavigate the world in - yes, you've guessed it, eighty days - without flying but using any other method of transport they can find. The first leg of this epic journey sees Frank Skinner and Lee Mack travelling from the Reform Club in London to Turkey. In preparation for the challenge, Frank wisely asks Michael Palin for some advice. London to Turkey, of course, sounds easy enough, but Frank and Lee are comedians, remember, and they can't even find their way out of the train station in Paris. With just fifteen minutes to catch their connection, Frank manages to find time to pose for a French caricaturist - their first souvenir for the Children In Need auction. The duo whistle through Europe, spending the night on a train to Vienna. To keep to schedule they have to catch a boat to Budapest and, once safely on board, Frank and Lee are soon hurtling down the Danube. With a brief wave at Bratislava they fall out in a heap in Budapest. In twenty four hours they have travelled one thousand miles, but they (and those who will come after them) still have a long, long way to go. In Budapest, Frank gets to indulge his passion for football, meeting the only surviving member of the Mighty Magyars, the Hungarian team which inflicted that most infamous 6-3 defeat on England, at Wembley in 1954. Later in the season, look out for omnipresent-on-TV John Barrowman and equally-omnipresent-on-TV Myleene Klass roughing it across America.

Nature Shock is a rather amiably and often fascinating documentary series which examines freak occurrences in the natural world. This edition - The Whale That Ate The Great White at 8:00 on Five - explores a remarkable clash between two oceanic predators. In 1997, stunned tourists on a whale-watching trip off the coast of California witnessed an Orca seemingly attack, kill and eat a great white shark - a unique event that gave scientists a radical new perspective on the habits of both species.

Keith Telly Topping always has a fair bit of time for a thoughtful Horizon documentary - 9:00 BBC2. Alcohol is by far the most widely used drug - and a dangerous one at that if taken to excess. So why are so many of us drinking over the recommended limits? Addiction expert John Marsden, who likes a drink as much as the next man, makes a professional and personal exploration of our relationship with alcohol. He undergoes physical and neurological examinations to determine its impact, and finds out why some people will find it much harder than others to resist alcohol.

Wednesday 14 October
England play Belarus in what is now a completely pointless World Cup Qualifier (given that we've already qualified). So, I supposed, Keith Telly Topping had better highlight some decent alternatives in case you prefer more dramatic tension than this.

Anyone who ever watches TV mid-morning will probably already be aware of the addictive Heir Hunters - 7:30 BBC2. This is a series which follows the work of teams of probate detectives, who track down missing family members of people who have died without making a will. Leonora Smith left two hundred and thirty thousand pounds and the heir hunters compete to find a surviving relative before the Treasury takes it. Plus, the story of a windfall for two sisters, and details of other unclaimed estates worth six hundred and eighty thousand pounds. It's a combination for the genealogy elements of Who Do You Think You Are? with a race-against-time-and-their-rivals conceit thrown in and is often illuminating and sometimes gripping (as well as more than a touch sad given the subject matter). If you've never caught it before, it's well worth a few minutes of your time.

When Keith Telly Topping was growing up (and a council estate in The Grim North) he, like most of his generation, dreamed of how different the world would look thirty years hence when we reached the year 2000. We'd be eating food-pills, travelling to work (possibly on our colonies of The Moon) using personalised jet-packs and, when we got home, we'd have robots to do all of our work for us whilst we got on our personal communication devices and conversed with friends on the other side of the world. Well ... some of that came true. And some of it is still work-in-progress. Now, if only some bright spark could develop a workable jet-pack we'd all be laughing. In Visions of the Future - 9:00 BBC4 - theoretical physicist and futurist Michio Kaku shows how, in the Twenty First Century, artificial intelligence is going to become as ubiquitous as electricity, how robots with human-level intelligence may finally become a reality, and how we'll even be able to merge our minds with machine intelligence. As the challenges and choices are literally mind-bending, Dr Kaku asks how far we will ultimately go.

Hope you all took Keith Telly Topping's advice last week and caught the first episode of True Blood - 10:00 Channel 4. This fantasy adventure series is set in a society where humans and vampires co-exist. In tonight's (even better) second episode, Bill saves Sookie from Mack and Denise Rattray. Who, later turn up dead leaving Bill as the prime suspect. Sookie's senses begin to undergo a transformation, and she wonders how far the vampires will go when a vocal human opponent is killed in an apparent accident. I really like the intelligence and the wit in this show. it looked such an obvious Buffy-clone from the pre-publicity but it has a really clever take on some genre cliches whilst still conforming to the style of drama that it is a part of.

Thursday 15 October
As the recession forces seven pubs a day to shut their doors for good, one of the country's finest documentary film-maker, Sue Bourne (Mum and Me, 9/11: The Falling Man, My Street) journeys three thousand miles to visit some of the country's six hundred Red Lions. In Cutting Edge: The Red Lion - 9:00 Channel 4 - Sue collects tales that are by turns touching, funny, sad, gentle and quirky. She creates a timely snapshot of British drinking habits in a climate where the pub is still - just about - the hub of many communities. But with more closing than ever before, are we at risk of losing a unique and irreplaceable aspect of our culture?

Escape to the Country - 5:15 BBC2 - is a series in which prospective buyers are helped to find their dream home in the country. A bit like Location, Location, Location only without Kirstie Allsopp's staggeringly exciting dominatrix tendencies. Jules Hudson guides a retired couple in their quest to find the good life in North Wales. With their children grown up, they have decided to sell their home of twenty eight years and fulfil their dream of finding a perfect country house. They have a budget of four hundred and fifty thousand pounds and want enough land to grow vegetables and keep a few chickens and a house big enough to accommodate the family when they come to visit. Given the current state of the housing market, for four hundred and fifty grand they could probably buy North Wales.

In tonight's Coronation Street - 8:30 ITV - we're asked a series of loaded questions: Is Maria shutting Tony out? Will Lloyd take Teresa back? What exactly are Luke's motives in buttering up Rosie? Does anyone, actually, care?

Moving swiftly on to some Top Telly News, Top Gear presenter Big Hard Jezza Clarkson has played down a recent climate change incident, calling the group of protesters 'silly little girls.' Last month Climate Rush members dumped a pile of manure on the driveway of the star's house in Oxfordshire. Speaking about the incident, Clarkson said: 'Teenage girls get into a strop about all sorts of things.' Makes a change from hippies and Communists, I suppose. A spokesperson for Climate Rush, a Ms Millie Tant, was reported as saying 'All men are potential rapists. Power to wimmin!' Rite on, sister.

Jo Wood has reportedly had hypnosis to stop her feeling nervous on Strictly Come Dancing. The Mirror claims that Wood had a hypnotherapy session last week to help her feel more confident on the show. 'Jo and Brendan [Cole] are doing the paso doble and he wants more aggression in the dance,' a source said. 'But Jo is finding it hard to be feisty and even if the hypnosis session cures her nerves, it won't change her style. Only large amounts of practice will help that.' Wood has admitted that she is nervous about appearing on the programme. Writing on Twitter, she said: 'Not feeling so hot, hope i'm gonna be ok for Saturday's show. gonna work hard on my nerves tomorrow!'

Rockin' Ronnie's ex-missus has also claimed that Craig Revel Horwood apologised to her for some of his remarks on previous episodes. During last week's show, Horwood said that the best bit of Wood's dance was when she was standing still, prompting her partner, Brendan Cole, to brand him 'an Australian idiot.' According to the People, Wood said: 'I don't mind if he is commenting on my dancing but that felt too personal. I was really upset but didn't cry because the cameras were on me. I saw Craig a few days later in the make-up room for Strictly Come Dancing: It Takes Two and he said sorry. He said he didn't mean to be quite so harsh. I accepted his apology and it's all OK now.'

It seemed to work as Jo survived the public vote. Rav Wilding become the third contestant to be eliminated on Saturday. The television presenter and his professional dance partner Aliona Vilani found themselves in the bottom two with Lynda Bellingham and Darren Bennett. After the dance-off, judges Len Goodman, Alesha Dixon, Craig Revel Horwood and Bruno Tonioli had to decide which couple to eliminate. The entire panel opted to save Lynda and Darren. When asked if he would do the programme again, a crestfallen Wilding sighed: 'I'm not going to get the chance, am I?' Wilding was visibly upset (and, rather pouty) during his final dance appearing to be on the verge of bursting into tears as he and Aliona shuffled around the dance-floor in something vaguely approximating time to the music whilst Rav's bottom lip trailed on the ground. Craig Revel Horwood had earlier slated Rav's quickstep as 'a bit Orangutan-ish!' whilst Alesha added: 'It was a bit cheesy for me, don't know if it was a good cheese or a bad cheese.' And, that's Alesha's problem in a nutshell - she doesn't know the difference between good and bad.

Phil Tufnell's wife has described her husband as 'a lazy sod.' Speaking to Now, Dawn Tufnell explained that Phil's Strictly partner, Katya Virshilas, has to make sure he works hard. 'He thought Strictly would be a laugh, but Katya has had to take him in hand,' she said. 'He can be a lazy sod! At least this gets him off the couch.' Tuffers, meanwhile, will be undergoing keyhole surgery this week on his dodgy knee. The Mirror reports that the cricketer danced on Saturday night's programme despite suffering from cartilage damage. He later said: 'The knee is fine. As good as gold. There's nothing to worry about there.' He will reportedly undergo keyhole surgery today and hopes to be back in training on Thursday. However, Tufnell is reportedly worried that if the operation is unsuccessful he will have to leave the programme.

And, still with Strictly, Anton du Beke has reportedly apologised for a potentially racist comment which he made to his celebrity partner Laila Rouass. The News of the World claimed that the professional dancer referred to the actress as a 'Paki,' when he met up with her after she had been given a spray-tan. According to the newspaper, the comment - which was apparently made a fortnight ago - was heard by fifteen other people. One of the individuals present said: 'Laila just stood there gobsmacked, as was everyone else. She just looked at him as if she couldn't quite believe what he'd said. She went to her dressing room, collected her stuff and went straight home. She felt totally humiliated.' Du Beke has since apologised for his comment, the tabloid revealed. The forty three-year-old said: 'Laila and me have strong personalities and she gives as good as she gets, but I must say immediately and categorically that I am not a racist and that I do not use racist language. During the course of rehearsals, Laila and I have exchanged a great deal of banter entirely in jest, and two weeks ago there was an occasion when this term was used between the two of us. There was no racist intent whatsoever but I accept that it is a term which causes offence and I regret my use of it, which was done without thought or consideration of how others would react. I apologise unreservedly for any offence my actions might have caused.' Rouass - whose mother is Indian and father is Moroccan - said that she accepted the apology. 'It was a situation which happened, that we have moved on from and I accept his apology. I'm really enjoying the show and dancing with Anton, and hope we can go as far as possible in the competition,' she stated. The newspaper previously reported that du Beke asked Rouass if she was a terrorist after finding out about her Moroccan roots.

The series premiere of Stargate Universe achieved an audience of 2.35m for cable network SyFy between 9pm and 11pm on Friday night. The show, which stars Robert Carlyle and Lou Diamond Phillips, managed to top the audience for FOX's Dollhouse. The figure also represents the best premiere ratings for the Stargate franchise in over four years. Meanwhile, Dollhouse dropped to a new series low of 2.09m. And, for those half-a-dozen people who are still watching, fine episode, wasn't it?

The Queen will reportedly be invited to make a special appearance on Coronation Street. According to the Daily Star Sunday, the head of the royal household will be asked to feature on an episode during the soap's fiftieth anniversary year in 2010. The newspaper also claimed that the Queen is expected to accept the invitation. A source from the show said all the stops would be pulled out if she did agree to travel to Manchester. 'They will literally red-carpet the M6 for the Queen's special guest appearance. We had Prince Charles for the fortieth, which was great, but the feeling is that for the fiftieth we had to top even him - and the only person capable of doing that is the Queen herself. Camilla is a big fan of the show and hopefully we haven't put her nose out of place by insisting on the Queen. It's such a huge milestone that it has got to be her.' It is believed, however, that her majesty will politely decline. As she's a much bigger fan of EastEnders. Allegedly.

The creator of Supernatural has praised Paris Hilton after she worked on the show. Eric Kripke said that the socialite's cameo on the programme is not just a stunt. 'I don't think we're gassing up the motorcycle to jump the shark just yet,' he told Entertainment Weekly. 'It's a fun, irreverent episode about modern celebrity. [Fans] should withhold judgement until they see it.'

Alex Reid's ex-girlfriend was reportedly 'left shocked' after Katie Price called her a 'desperate slag' on the Internet. Marie Thornett told the Mirror that she had left Reid a private message on social networking site Facebook. It read: 'Hi Reidy, Hope you are doing ok. Just wondering if you needed a photo of me to put by your bed, because I have read that Katie sleeps with one of peter next to her. I can send you one if need be, but im [sic] sure you have plenty. Hope this made you smile.' However, Price read the message and replied to Thornett via the website. She reportedly wrote: 'Marie stop being such a desperate slag you had your chance with Alex so stop sending him begging emails you were shit in bed an couldn't except [sic] him so jog on ps thanks for being a great fan an [sic] fuck off.' Price also allegedly sent a second message, in which she said: 'Oh forgot lets see if Marie the slag sells this to the papers cheap fucking loser no wonder Alex didn't want you dnt [sic] forget to put in the artical [sic] you didn't have sex for eight months boring slut.' Yeah. Punctuation not really a strong point with these people, is it? Thornett claimed that she was 'numb with shock' after reading the posts. For a while, at least. Then, she got over it and did, indeed, sell the story to the tabloids. So, everybody's happy. 'It's ironic,' she said. 'When I watched their TV show last Thursday I didn't think she was that bad. But I have now first-hand experience of her spiteful side. I was horrified at her vile language - it was disgusting. I have never felt any maliciousness towards Katie, but she is clearly threatened by the fact Alex loved me.' However, a source close to Price said: 'This girl has been constantly hounding Alex asking him to get back with her which obviously angers Katie because it's disrespectful. They know full well he is in a relationship. I'm sure most girls would do the same as her.'

Meanwhile, leading book retailers have reportedly said that they may not stock Katie Price's upcoming autobiography. Standing Out is due for publication on 22 October and will be Price's fourth autobiography after Being Jordan in 2004, Jordan: A Whole New World in 2006 and Jordan: Pushed To The Limit in 2008. A source at publisher Random House told the Sun: 'Bookshop managers are really worried. They fear this latest book could do more harm than good for business and are seriously considering shunning it altogether. Booksellers do not want to annoy their customers by putting out yet another autobiography from the same person who has already had three printed.' They added: 'It seems to them as though she is trying to milk her fans for everything they've got. Reputable companies also do not want to get dragged into a sordid sales war where bitter partners are dishing the dirt on each other.'

The twelve acts who will compete in the live finals of The X Factor have been selected. Early favourites include Danyl Johnson - whose rendition of 'With A Little Help From My Friends' was an audition highlight - and teenager Lucie Jones. Irish twins John and Edward are also through - but have been named as rank outsiders by bookmakers William Hill. Lloyd Daniels made the grade despite judge Cheryl Cole voicing serious concerns about his age - he is just sixteen. Cole told the Welsh youngster: 'When you came in and sang, you really delivered but what concerns me is mostly your age. I was nineteen when I was given my opportunity and I struggled to cope with it. It involves a lot of maturity and there is a massive responsibility.' While speaking to Manchester-hopeful Daniel Fox, Cole paused, then walked off the set, saying: 'It doesn't feel right.' Having collected her thoughts, she later returned to the set to tell Fox that he had not made it through to the finals. Dannii Minogue is mentoring the under twenty five-year-old girls and looked to her sister Kylie to help her make her selection. Among the six contestants performing for the pair was Essex student Stacey Solomon, whose version of 'Over The Rainbow' won high praise from Kylie. She said: 'I sang that song every night on tour for a while and it's one you don't want to mess up. But, for me, it was flawless.' Louis Walsh put through Irish brothers John and Edward, saying he 'saw something in you that none of the other judges saw.' The pair had been booed at auditions, whilst Cowell described them as 'obnoxious.' Which, when you think about it, coming from Simon Cowell, is pretty damn harsh as it's a subject he knows all about. Meanwhile, Cowell sent through twenty-year-old energy adviser Olly Murs at the expense of Daniel Pearce, who was seeking a second shot at fame after once being a member of the boyband One True Voice. 'It was about giving somebody a first shot,' Cowell explained to the singer as he explained his decision. The other acts to go through are: Rachel Adedeji, Miss Frank, Kandy Rain, Joseph McElderry, Rikki Loney and the impressively afro'd Jamie Archer whom Keith Telly Topping hopes wins.

His last-minute Olympic sprint to Chicago may have come to nothing but Barack Obama can at least take comfort from the fact that Britain's most upmarket supermarket chain is on his side. Waitrose, which prides itself more on its 'quality food, honestly priced' than staring down snarling right-wing attack dogs, has become the latest firm to pull its ads from FOX News after presenter Glenn Beck's remarks about the US president. In July, Beck called Obama 'a racist' with 'a deep-seated hatred for white people or the white culture' after the president said that police in Cambridge, Massachusetts, had 'acted stupidly' in arresting the distinguished professor Henry Louis Gates as he entered his own home. Beck's outburst prompted dozens of companies – among them Wal-Mart, Best Buy and Travelocity – to withdraw their adverts from his show for fear that their businesses might become tainted by association. Now Waitrose, which advertises on the channel carried by Sky in Britain, has followed suit after customers complained about The Glenn Beck Show. An angry Waitrose shopper who emailed the chain to express his distaste over its decision 'to be associated with this particular form of right-wing cant' received an apology last week.

Cheryl Cole, meanwhile, has revealed that she still finds it hard to trust her husband Ashley. Well, indeed. He does have that nasty habit of falling over and clutching his face when he's never been touched to get opposition players sent off.

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