Thursday, June 23, 2016

Days In Europa

Comedy line of the week came from the excellent Matt Le Blanc - rapidly becoming the single reason to keep watching Top Gear these days. Whilst introducing The Stig's latest lap of the track, in an Aston Martin Vulcan, Matt claimed: 'Some say he thinks Brexit is a laxative,' before adding: '... And for tax purposes, he is classified as a biscuit.' How you doin'?
Second-best comedy moment of the week was Cristiano Ronaldo getting aal stroppy when a Portuguese TV report dared to ask him a question. Oi, them microphones cost money, young man!
Almost as amusing was Ronaldo's sulky face at the end of Portugal's three-three draw with Hungary when he heard that a goal by Iceland in the final seconds of their game against Austria meant the Portuguese only finished third in their group and, instead of playing England, will now have a rock hard game against Croatia in the next round. This blogger must say, Iceland have certainly improved since they got rid of Kerry Katona.
Peter Dinklage and Emilia Clarke are among the Game Of Thrones cast members reported to have signed up for the show's eighth (and, probably, final) series. The duo and their co-stars Kit Harington, Nikolaj Coster-Waldau and Lena Headey will now earn as much as five hundred thousand dollars per episode for the already-commissioned season seven - as well as a possible eighth run. HBO declined to confirm or deny these reports to Deadline, with the website stressing that these new deals 'don't guarantee' that all five characters will survive until the end of the popular adult fantasy drama. Producers David Benioff and DB Weiss have suggested that they have between ten and fifteen hours of story left in the entire series, whilst director Jack Bender recently claimed that series seven would only contain seven episodes. HBO has yet to make any firm announcement, probably waiting for the current series six to end before going public with any details about next year.
Wonder Woman's Lynda Carter is coming to Supergirl's second series. Carter has reportedly signed up 'a recurring role' in the CW-bound superheroine drama playing the US President according to TVLine. Well, I'd vote for her. Supergirl producer Greg Berlanti previously suggested that he had 'the perfect role' in mind for Carter during the last series. Carter joins a number of actors from various Superman and Supergirl franchise productions to get roles in the forthcoming series. Lois & Clark's Dean Cain and the original Supergirl star Helen Slater recur as Kara's adoptive parents - while Smallville's own girl of steel, Laura Vandervoort, causes trouble as the malevolent super-computer Indigo. Late last week, it was also revealed that Tyler Hoechlin will guest star in Supergirl's two-part season opener as the Man of Steel his very self.
The Frankenstein Chronicles is coming back for a second series. Yer actual Sean Bean will return as the troubled ex-soldier John Marlott, who discovers that strange and terrifying experiments are taking place in London's dark underworld. As you do. Series two will go into production in January, to be broadcast at some point next year on ITV Encore.
And now, dear blog reader, the final and consolidated ratings figures for the Top Twenty Four programmes, week-ending Sunday 12 June 2016:-
1 Euro 2016: England Versus Russia - Sat ITV - 9.74m
2 Coronation Street - Mon ITV - 7.35m
3 EastEnders - Tues BBC1 - 7.06m
4 Euro 2016: Wales Versus Slovakia - Sat BBC1 - 6.93m
5 Euro 2016: Germany Versus Ukraine - Sun BBC1 - 6.89m
6 Euro 2016: France Versus Romania - Fri ITV - 6.70m
7 Euro 2016: Poland Versus Northern Ireland - Sun BBC1 - 6.39m
8 Emmerdale - Mon ITV - 5.89m
9 BBC News - Sun BBC1 - 5.82m
10 In The Club - Tues BBC1 - 4.59
11 DIY SOS: The Big Build - Thurs BBC1 - 4.48m
12 Holby City - Tues BBC1 - 4.40m
13 New Blood - Thurs BBC1 - 4.34m
14 Six O'Clock News - Fri BBC1 - 4.26m
15 Casualty - Sat BBC1 - 4.24m
16 European Referendum Debates - Tues ITV - 4.12m
17 Britain's Busiest Airport: Heathrow - Mon ITV - 4.00m
18 Gogglebox - Fri C4 - 3.86m
19 Ten O'Clock News - Fri BBC1 - 3.79m
20 Tonight At The London Palladium - Wed ITV - 3.76m
21 The Musketeers - Sat BBC1 - 3.57m
22 The ONE Show - Tues BBC1 - 3.52m
23 ITV News At Ten - Mon ITV - 3.46m
24 Top Gear - Sun BBC2 - 3.44m
These consolidated figures include all viewers who watched the programmes live and on catch-up during the seven days after broadcast, but does not include those who watched on BBC's iPlayer or ITV Player via their computers. On BBC2, besides Top Gear - which saw its consolidated audience drop from 6.42 million for its opening episode to 3.44 million by its third - and The Great British Sewing Bee (3.24 million), the next most-watched programme was one of the nightly episodes of Springwatch with 2.48 million punters. The second episode of Versailles was watched by 2.30 million and the series finale of Peaky Blinders attracted 2.27 million, followed by Gardeners' World (2.10 million), Mock The Week (1.77 million), Horizon (1.76 million), City In The Sky (1.74 million) and The Millionaires' Holiday Club (1.65 million). The latest Qi repeat drew nine hundred and three thousand. Aside from Googlebox, Twenty Four Hours In Police Custody was Channel Four's second highest-rated broadcast of the week (2.56 million), followed by the series finale of The Last Leg With Adam Hills (2.23m) and Twenty Four Hours In A&E (2.13m). George Clarke's Old House New House had 2.11 million, F1: Canadian Grand Prix Highlights 1.77 million and That Awful Bloody Keith Woman At Her Majesty's Service attracted 1.73 million. Why, for the love of God, why? Channel Five's top performer was Big Brother with 1.86 million. The Hotel Inspector had 1.79m, Can't Pay? We'll Take It Away drew 1.78 million and the latest episode of Gotham attracted 1.27m. Sky Sports 1's most-watched broadcast was coverage of Live International Rugby Union: Australia Versus England seen by three hundred and ninety four thousand viewers. The channel's simultcast of The Canadian Grand Prix has two hundred and eighty five thousand. Sky Sports 2's Live Test Cricket and England's rain-affected draw with Sri Lanka at Lord's drew two hundred and ninety seven thousand. One of the Live T20 Blast games - Kent's eight run victory over Hampshire - was watched by two hundred and five thousand. Sunday's Euro Report was Sky Sports News's highest-rated broadcast with one hundred and ninety two thousand. On Sky Sports F1, Live Canadian Grand Prix had an audience of seven hundred and twenty four thousand. Midsomer Murders was ITV3's top-rated drama (1.04 million). Foyle's War was seen by seven hundred and thirty four thousand and Endeavour by seven hundred and seven thousand. Isle Of Man TT coverage headed ITV4's weekly top ten with eight hundred and thirty thousand. Worthless steaming pile of rancid shat Love Island was ITV2's most-watched programme with 1.48 viewers. Vera headed ITV Encore's top ten with eighty eight thousand viewers with DCI Banks seen by fifty nine thousand. BBC4's new imported French drama The Disappearance had audiences of eight hundred and three thousand and seven hundred and eighty thousand for its fifth and sixth episodes in a top-ten list which also included Make! Craft Britain (four hundred and fifty three thousand), Handmade: By Royal Appointment (also four hundred and fifty three thousand) and Horizon (three hundred and eighty five thousand). Parkinson Meets Muhammad Ali attracted three hundred and sixty three thousand, Top Of The Pops 1981 drew three hundred and sixty two thousand, The Good Old Days had three hundred and forty seven thousand and Guitar Riffs At The BBC was watched by three hundred and one thousand. Sky1's weekly top-ten was headed by Hawaii Five-0 (nine hundred and twenty thousand), Agatha Raisin (eight hundred and fifty eight thousand), Modern Family (seven hundred and fifty two thousand), DC's Legends Of Tomorrow (seven hundred and twenty eight thousand) and Supergirl (six hundred and twenty six thousand). Rovers - which, almost in spite of itself, it actually quite good! - drew five hundred and six thousand. Sky Atlantic's list was topped, of course, by the latest Game Of Thrones (2.14 million, the highest-rated multichannel audience of the week). The Monday repeat of the popular fantasy drama's previous episode had 1.27 million. Thornecast was seen by four hundred and ninety seven thousand, Penny Dreadful, by four hundred and forty five thousand and Billions by two hundred and fifteen thousand. On Sky Living, Blindspot drew nine hundred and eleven thousand, Bones had seven hundred and seventy seven thousand, Grey's Anatomy, six hundred and two thousand and Madam Secretary, five hundred and thirty nine thousand. Sky Arts' broadcast of Freddie Mercury: The Tribute Concert had an audience of eighty six thousand. Most of whom, one imagines, were only there to see if David Bowie's performance of 'The Lord's Prayer' really was as bad as it's made out to be. (It was.) 5USA's The Mysteries Of Laura was watched by six hundred and twenty five thousand viewers. Law & Order had four hundred and seventy six thousand and NCIS was seen by four hundred and eleven thousand. NCIS also topped the weekly top tens of FOX - the latest episode of series thirteen attracting 1.16 million punters - and CBS Action (one hundred and seventy thousand) and featuring in Universal Channel's top ten list (one hundred thousand) as well as Channel Five's. Aside, from NCIS, FOX's list also included Outcast (four hundred and forty six thousand) and Wayward Pines (four hundred and three thousand). On CBS Action, Bad Girls was seen by one hundred and ten thousand. The Universal Channel's top ten was headed by Chicago Med (two hundred and ninety six thousand), Law & Order: Special Victims Unit (one hundred and thirty five thousand) and Bates Motel (one hundred and twenty five thousand). On Dave, Alan Davies: As Yet Unfunny was the highest-rated programme - no, this blogger doesn't know why either - with four hundred and seventeen thousand punters. That was followed by Mock The Week (four hundred and twelve thousand), Storage Hunters UK (three hundred and eighty seven thousand), Have I Got A Bit More News For You (three hundred and fifty four thousand) and Qi XL (two hundred and forty one thousand). Drama's New Tricks was watched by four hundred and thirty one thousand viewers. Dalziel & Pascoe had three hundred and fifty two thousand. Alibi's highest-rated programme was Quantico (three hundred and nine eight thousand), followed by Death In Paradise (one hundred hundred and seventy five thousand)and Father Brown (one hundred and forty thousand). Yesterday's repeat Blackadder Back & Forth was watched by two hundred and thirty five thousand. On the Discovery Channel, the new series of Wheeler Dealers continued with four hundred and forty two thousand punters. Deadliest Catch had an audience of one hundred and thirty nine thousand and Gold Divers had one hundred and ten thousand viewers. Discovery History's Fred Dibnah's Age Of Steam topped the weekly-list with thirty five thousand viewers whilst Off The Rails and Time Team both attracted twenty seven thousand). On Discovery Science, Mythbusters attracted thirty four thousand viewers. Discovery Turbo's most-watched programmes was another - older - episode of Wheeler Dealers (sixty five thousand). Indeed, all ten of the channel's most-watched programmes of the week were episodes of popular car restoration show. Nice to know yer actual Keith Telly Topping isn't the only viewer that spends many of his afternoons watching Mike and Ed. National Geographic's top ten was headed by Car SOS which had one hundred and forty six thousand viewers. Neither The History Channel nor Military History appear to have submitted their viewing figures to BARB this particular week although, regarding the latter, one of their ninety eight programmes about UFOs will, likely, have drawn the largest audience. Ghost Asylum, The Perfect Murder and Murder Among Friends were ID's top-rated programmes of the week (fifty three thousand, thirty six thousand and thirty five thousand viewers respectively). The Jail: Sixty Days In headed CI's list (one hundred and seven thousand). The latest episode of GOLD's repeat run of Mrs Brown's Boys attracted three hundred and seven thousand. Comedy Central's largest audience of the week was for the movie Grown Ups 2 (two hundred and eighty three thousand). Your TV's Corrupt Crimes had fifty four thousand viewers. On More4, The Good Wife was viewed by eight hundred and eight thousand and The Thrilla In Manilla by three hundred and sixty six thousand whilst E4's latest episode of The Big Bang Theory drew 2.09 million punters. The Horror Channel's broadcast of Haunt, attracted ninety four thousand viewers. Bitten headed Syfy's top ten with sixty six thousand. Nuclear Meltdown had twenty nine thousand on Eden, as did Walking With Dinosaurs. Tanked was the Animal Planet's most watched programme with one hundred and twenty two thousand. On W, Criminal Minds: Beyond Borders was seen by four hundred and ninety two thousand. My Four Wives was TLC's most-watched programme (one hundred and forty eight thousand).

England's goalless draw with Slovakia - which the majority of the British media seemed to regard as the greatest disaster since the Titanic (the actual boat, not the movie) - was the most-watched game of Euro 2016 to date with almost fourteen million overnight viewers. The draw, which secured England's progress to the knockout stages of the tournament, a definite improvement on their last major tournament appearance - had a match average of 12.8 million viewers on ITV and another one million viewers on ITV2, with a combined five-minute peak of 15.1 million. The game was not shown on ITV in Wales, which broadcast Wales' three-nil thumping of a piss-poor Russian side. It had a match average of eight hundred thousand - presumably deliriously happy - viewers in The Valley and had another six hundred thousand viewers nationwide on ITV4 (splitters!), a total of 1.4 million. England's game against Slovakia was up on the previous highest audience, the 9.7 million overnight viewers who watched the ninety minutes of England's opening draw with Russia, also on ITV. Overall, ITV's Tuesday night football coverage had 10.4 million viewers, a forty five per cent share; 9.8 million watching England and six hundred thousand watching Wales. It was up on the 9.2 million average for its coverage of the Russia game on 11 June. England's second game of the tournament, England's two-one win over Wales, had an overall average of 6.6 million viewers, lower than the other two games mainly because it was shown in the middle of the afternoon on 16 June. It was also streamed live by a record 2.3 million people on the BBC Sport website. The England versus Slovakia coverage topped the year's previous highest rating broadcast, the 10.3 million viewers who watched the second episode of ITV's Britain's Got Toilets on 16 April.
Even by Game Of Thrones' standards, this week's episode - The Battle Of The Bastards - was an epic; with possibly the biggest battle ever seen on telly (the odd adaptation of Henry V aside, obviously). As the bodies piled up, there were some gruesome, stomach churning twists. If you've loved to hate Ramsay Bolton - and, let's face it, who hasn't - you won't have been disappointed by the climax. Speaking on the Radio 1 The Breakfast Show, Iwan Rheon said he was 'pleased' the lying was finally over. And, when the end came, it was truly brutal. After being beaten to a bloodied pulp by Jon Snow, Ramsay was taken to a prison cell and tied to a chair. As he awoke, he sees his former wife, Sansa waiting for him, with his own pack of ravenous dogs. So, how does it feel when you're written out of such a big show? 'What a way to go, though!' Iwan told Nick Grimshaw. 'I've always said I'd like a dragon-related death. But I'll take dogs. It's a lot better than just falling down some stairs or dying peacefully in my sleep.' Iwan said that he wasn't too disappointed when he realised his time was up. 'You get a call. It was from David and Dan, the creators. They said "Hey congratulations, Ramsay makes it to the Iron Throne." And I'm like "I'm dead, aren't I?" When you get the call, you know what's coming.' But, he admitted keeping his on-screen death a secret for so long has been tough. 'I've known for about a year that it was going to happen. There is a kind of grieving process, even though I've known for so long. But, it's a relief that I can now talk about it openly. I filmed the final scenes back in December - so I've been lying to everyone for six months. It's difficult because I'm not a very good liar.' Not only was Monday huge for Game Of Thrones but also, there was the small matter of Wales topping their group at Euro 2016. Iwan was, he confirmed, down the pub with his mates, glued to the football. 'It was amazing. It was like a combo of Game Of Thrones texts and messages about Wales. And who did they finish above? Oh that's right, England. It really was an amazing night.'
Work on the next - tenth - series of Doctor Who started this week with a gift from one of the popular long-running BBC family SF drama's biggest stars of the past. New companion Pearl Mackie arrived to start work to find a bouquet of flowers from her predecessor Jenna Coleman. Which she then tweeted about.
He, memorably, brought the President of the High Council of Time Lords to life, so why didn't Timothy Dalton return to Doctor Who? His character, Rassilon - played by Dalton in 2009's The End Of Time - resurfaced in last year's episode Hell Bent, but played by a different actor, Donald Sumpter. Speaking to the podcast Radio Free Skaro, director Rachel Talalay revealed that Dalton had been asked to return, but his schedule wouldn't permit it. 'We did check to see if Timothy Dalton was available - and he was not,' she revealed. 'So, then a regeneration happened!' Talalay had nothing but praise for Dalton's replacement, though, calling Sumpter's performance 'deep, subtle [and] terrifying. It was wonderful to work with Donald Sumpter, just embracing a new version of Rassilon,' she enthused.
Beth Tweddle has revealed that she is seeing a psychologist to help her cope with the horrifying accident she suffered on The Jump. The former Olympian fractured two vertebrae in her neck after a crash during ski-jump training on the Channel Four show earlier this year in an accident that was, frankly, waiting to happen. Speaking on The ONE Show, Tweddle admitted that it is still 'difficult' for her to think about. 'The short of it is I did a jump and I collided with the end barrier,' she said. 'I'd actually fractured and dislocated my neck so they took a small piece of bone from my hip, put it between the two vertebrae and I've got a bolt and four screws in there now and it's fusing back together.' She added: 'For me it is still quite a hard thing to talk about. That's why I'm using a psychologist and processing the accident details.' Tweddle explained that her parents had flown out to watch her that weekend, saying: 'I had them by my side. When my brother first walked into the room, I just sobbed. I was so happy to see him.' She also thanked the public for their support, explaining: '[People said], "We've had the same injury as you, we know you'll be in a dark place right now but we're now running marathons." That kind of put a smile back on my face, thinking, "I'm not the only one that's gone through this."' So, does Tweddle have any regrets about agreeing to take part in The Jump? 'If you could take the accident out of the whole process then, of course, I don't regret it, but it has been a very hard road and I've been lucky to have so many people to support me on that road,' she said. 'I've been really upset, I've been saying to my mum and dad, "I can't do this, why am I doing this, it's so unfair." When I was a gymnast I don't remember that aspect.' But, she added: 'I don't want this accident to define me. I want to be able to go out there and do what I normally do. I love working with children and inspiring them to achieve their dreams. I'm glad to say I pushed through it.'
There's a second series of Poldark coming your way this autumn, but is a third already a certainty? Aidan Turner will be returning to Cornwall this September to play Ross Poldark once again, according to Radio Times. A third series is yet to be officially announced, however, with the BBC saying that it had 'no official comment' to make on the report.
Olivia Colman her very self has an exciting festive adventure ahead as she lends her voice to We're Going On A Bear Hunt. This Christmas, Channel Four will broadcast a half-hour animated version of Michael Rosen and Helen Oxenbury's classic children's story. Call The Midwife's Pam Ferris and Mark Williams also supply voices to this tale of siblings whose hunt for a bear becomes a quest to reunite when they get separated. As a nod to the book's popularity, the bear will be voiced the author Michael Rosen himself. 'What appealed to me about the story is the bond the family have - they care for, and look after, each other,' Colman said. 'Another wonderful aspect of the story is that it's kids enjoying a natural adventure with their imaginations, fresh air and the wilderness. I love that they commit to their adventure. I would like to go with them!' Channel Four's head of drama Piers Wenger added: 'We're delighted to welcome Olivia, Mark and Pam on board this fantastic family adventure, and Michael playing the bear is an inspired touch. It's a brilliant cast for a brilliant, classic story; I can't wait for Christmas.' We're Going On A Bear Hunt is being produced by Lupus Films.
If you've always thought your dog was a Beyoncé fan or your gerbil favoured a nice bit of Mozart, Sky Arts might just have created the very show for you. Animal Symphony will see yer actual Chris Packham hosting a new programme investigating whether or not animals can be affected by music. It is going to test the theory out in a big way: by getting the City of Birmingham Symphony Orchestra to put on a concert for a mix of humans and animals. They're not doing this half-heartedly either, as they've signed up noted musician, producer and composer Nitin Sawhney to come up with a symphony which contains 'sounds, patterns and elements of song that animals may recognise and respond to.' Sky Arts has also ordered another show about the artist KAWS - The KAWS Effect - which will broadcast an 'insta-edit' of ten one-minute shorts on Instagram to recognise the impact the social network has had on his career. 'KAWS, The Yorkshire Sculpture Park and Instagram Curation [will] bring the work of this fresh and original artist to a wider audience,' said Sky Arts director Phil Edgar-Jones. '[And] the combination of Chris Packham, Nitin Sawhney and the Birmingham Symphony Orchestra making music for animals is impossible to resist. I am excited and so is my hamster.'
An adaptation of Agatha Christie's The Witness For The Prosecution is coming to BBC1. Two hour-long episodes have been ordered by the broadcaster and production will begin 'later this year.' The commission follows the success of last year's three-part Christie adaptation ... And Then There Were None. Sarah Phelps (who scripted The Casual Vacancy) will adapt The Witness For The Prosecution, while Julian Jarrold will direct. The thriller is set in 1920s London and details the murder of rich heiress Emily French. Sarah Phelps said: 'With the long terrible shadow of The Great War falling across the rackety, feral 1920s, The Witness For The Prosecution is a compelling story of deceit, desire, murder, money and morality, innocence and guilt, heartbreak and most painful and dangerous of all, love. At the centre of this dark and tangled net is the astonishing character of Romaine, a noir heroine for all our times.'
The BBC has denied media reports that Dermot O'Dreary's wretched and crass The Getaway Car has been very axed, describing the claims as 'pure speculation.' Albeit not, necessarily, ill-informed speculation, this blogger reckons. A report in the Sun on Monday suggested that the series – starring O'Dreary and The Stig from Top Gear along with numerous z-list wastes of space – had already been axed by the BBC 'because of low ratings.' But the BBC told the Digital Spy website that 'no decisions' about the show's future have been made yet because there is still a whole series to be broadcast later this year. 'This is pure speculation,' a spokesperson said. 'It seems to be a story more about Dermot than The Getaway Car. There is a second series still to [come] later this year and only after that will a decision be taken about a recommission. So there's no truth in the story whatsoever.'
Caitlin Moran, the author and Times columnist, has called on Twitter and other social media platforms to 'do something' about abuse against women. Well, they do 'do something', Cait; they spread it. Which is merely one or several reasons why the blogger loathes Twitter and everything it stands for so much. The writer - whom this blogger is a big fan of - said on Tuesday that Twitter 'could afford' to 'hire three people' to 'tackle' threats against women if it aimed to be 'the place to be for global debate.' Though, I personally don't think Twitter does aim to be the place to be for global debate or anything even remotely like it; rather it aims to be 'the place to be for tittle-tattle, slander, bitchery, meanness and talking about shite reality shows.' Just sayin'. Oh, and really awful spelling. Moran, who has five hundred and seventy thousand followers on Twitter (that's 'a lot', apparently), compared social media to a child at the earliest stages of its development. 'Social media is like a baby screaming and throwing tantrums. which is then soothed by a picture of a cat,' she told an audience at the Cannes Lions advertising festival. Moran said that horrific rape and death threats had prompted several female friends to quit Twitter, but she had urged them to stay. 'It's very important that we don't retreat from it. It's understandable that so many women have left social media but those voices need to be there,' she said. 'I want to be there and help it grow up. Social media will become a toddler, then it will learn to walk and then it will grow up.' Asked about several initiatives by the advertising industry to address accusations of sexism, Moran said that she disagreed with some of her friends who believed they were simply 'a cynical ploy' by huge multinationals. 'I'm okay with tokenism,' she said, raising a laugh. 'It's a step forward. It's not ideal but it's better than before.' Moran also backed The Times's online paywall, saying that it meant her regular column didn't have to have sponsorship. Although like many Times columnists, she initially raged against the barriers to readers, she now compared it to the wall in Game Of Thrones 'keeping out the white walkers' of economic collapse. 'We call it the mortgage paywall,' she added.
Penny Dreadful will not return after its third-series finale in the UK. The drama, starring Eva Green, Josh Hartnett and Timothy Dalton, will come to an end with 'a jaw-dropping' double bill on Sky Atlantic on Tuesday of this week. Commissioned by Sky and the US network Showtime, Penny Dreadful reimagined some of literature's most famous characters, including Victor Frankenstein, Dorian Gray and figures from Bram Stoker's Dracula, brought together in Victorian London. Its creator, writer and executive producer John Logan said: 'I created Penny Dreadful to tell the story of a woman grappling with her faith, and with the demons inside her. For me, the character of Vanessa Ives [played by Green] is the heart of this series. From the beginning, I imagined her story would unfold over a three-season arc. To have had fans that have embraced us so passionately has been one of the most gratifying experiences of my career.' Anne Mensah, head of Sky drama, said: 'Penny Dreadful brought Sky and Showtime together to produce a show involving the best film, TV and theatre talent in the world. John Logan's wonderful vision of Victorian London has been perfectly realised over the last three seasons building a passionate fanbase.' Which, rather makes you wonder why they're cancelling it if it's that good. The drama, which spanned twenty seven episodes, was made by Call The Midwife and The Hollow Crown producer Neal Street and Logan's Desert Wolf Productions. Rory Kinnear, Billie Piper, Patti LuPone and Helen McCrory were among others to appear in the drama, which was filmed in Dublin.
And now, the start of another new, semi-regular From The North series: Adverts That Really Grate Yer Actual Keith Telly Topping's Cheese. Number one: Any of the - several - Trivago adverts for the hotel comparison website featuring the sort of Gruniad-reading Middle Class hippy Communist hipsters whom one would rather enjoy watching being punched in the face by a stranger in the streets of Barcelona. But, particularly, the latest ones featuring that really very annoying Australian woman who appears to have her smug-device set on maximum.
Loose Women is being very investigated by media watchdog Ofcom - a politically appointed quango, elected by no one - for 'offensive language' over an episode in which Katie Price's disabled son, Harvey, swore. Ten people - presumably, with nothing better to do with their time - whinged to Ofcom about the episode, which went out live on ITV on 17 May. In a segment concerning online harassment, Harvey swore when Price asked him what he says to people who are 'mean' to him. An Ofcom spokesperson said that they were investigating the programme because it 'included the most offensive language before the watershed.' Fourteen-year-old Harvey has multiple disabilities including Septo-Optim Dysplasia and Ofcom said that they had asked ITV for 'background information' about 'how they had ensured due care of Harvey' with regards to his welfare. 'We received sufficient assurances for us to decide not to pursue potential issues in this area further,' an Ofcom spokesperson said. The TV watchdog is also investigating episodes of Big Brother and This Morning. Ofcom is investigating 'sexual scenes' in an episode of Big Brother broadcast on 12 June on Channel Five. The watchdog received six hundred and thirty four whinges about the Sunday night episode. They are investigating whether 'sexual scenes' featuring Marco Pierre White Junior and Laura Carter 'exceeded generally accepted standards for its time of broadcast.' An episode of This Morning on 25 May this year that featured sex toys is also being looked into. The programme featured Tracey Cox discussing vibrators and made comments about a website which sells some of these vibrators. Cox - a classic example of nominative determinism if ever there was one - has her own range of products which can be purchased exclusively via that website. Ofcom are investigating whether 'editorial content was distinct from advertising in this programme, and whether products were given undue prominence.'
BBC business reporter Steph McGovern and disability correspondent Nikki Fox are to join the broadcaster's consumer rights show Watchdog. The pair will join existing presenters Sophie Raworth, Michelle Ackerley and Matt Allwright in the autumn. McGovern will help a team of citizen journalists, named The Watchdog Army, answer 'some of the biggest consumer questions,' the BBC said. The shake-up will see Chris Hollins leave the show for 'other projects' a well-known euphemism for getting the tin-tack. He said that he had 'had a great time working on this brilliant show for the last six years.' McGovern tweeted she was 'dead excited' to be joining Watchdog, while Fox wrote she was 'excited to be working on Watchdog alongside my day job as disability correspondent,' adding 'news would have a hard job getting rid of me.' Programme editor Gareth Collett said the returning show would be continuing 'to hold big companies to account in the way Watchdog viewers have come to expect, as well as introducing some exciting changes to be revealed later this year.'

Roger Daltrey his very self is to be honoured by the music industry in recognition of his contribution to music and his charity work. The Who frontman will be presented with the Twenty Fifth Music Industry Trusts Award at a ceremony in November. In a career lasting more than fifty years, the singer has also raised millions for the Teenage Cancer Trust. Daltrey said that it was 'great to be honoured by my friends and colleagues in the music industry.' Chairman of the award committee, David Munns said Roge is 'a "worthy recipient. Roger Daltrey is an inspiration when it comes to personal devotion to charities,' he said. 'We are proud to recognise not only Roger's musical output, both as a solo performer and as part of The Who, but also his tireless dedication for charitable causes and in particular the Teenage Cancer Trust which has helped thousands of young people throughout the UK and worldwide.' The singer organises the Teenage Cancer Trust's annual concerts at the Royal Albert Hall, booking artists including Arctic Monkeys and Paul Weller. The Music Industry Trust Awards ceremony in November is held in aid of the music therapy charity Nordoff Robbins and the Brit Trust charity, which Daltrey has also supported. 'Nordoff Robbins and the Brit Trust are wonderful charities,' said Roger. 'The Who were there at the beginning and I am proud to join the honourees that have received this award before me and themselves done so much not only for these charities, but also for many others.'
A former contestant on Mexico's version of The Voice has been shot dead in Chicago, police say. Alejandro Fuentes, died on Saturday in hospital after 'an ambush' on Thursday night. He was a Voice Mexico contestant in 2011. His death comes ten days after singer Christina Grimmie, who appeared on the US edition of The Voice, was shot and killed in Orlando. The number of murders in Chicago this year is up seventy two per cent from 2015. Fuentes had been celebrating his birthday with friends on Thursday night, the local medical examiner's office said. He was in his car on the street outside Tras Bambalinas, a performing arts studio which he ran for young people in South-West Chicago. A gunman ordered him out of the car - when he refused, the gunman shot him three times in the head. No arrests have yet been made. Grimmie was shot by 'a fan' in Orlando as she was signing autographs after a concert. Her attacker then killed himself.
Selma Blair was reportedly carried off a flight on a stretcher after having what was allegedly 'a midair outburst.' The actress was travelling on a Delta flight from Cancun in Mexico to Los Angeles with her four-year-old son, Arthur, at the time. It is claimed that she was carried off after crew on the flight 'became worried' about her and her behaviour. Blair was, reportedly, taken to a local hospital, with the TMZ website claiming that the pilot 'phoned ahead' to warn radio control that a passenger had, allegedly, been seen 'mixing medication with alcohol.' The alleged 'source' allegedly snitched to People magazine: 'She was met by paramedics at LAX as soon as her plane arrived. It looks like she had taken a combination of prescription medication with alcohol. We don't know what sort of prescription medications.' One wonders how much the alleged 'source' was paid for this bit of snitching? Alleged witnesses allegedly on board the Delta flight allegedly told TMZ that Blair, who was in the first class section, was 'enjoying a glass of wine' when she started crying, allegedly saying: 'He burns my private parts. He won't let me eat or drink. He beats me. He's going to kill me.' Who, exactly, burns her private parts, she did not elaborate. The site reported that two nurses on the flight 'tended' to the actress, checking her bags for pills. Blair subsequently apologised for her behaviour.
On Monday night, the staff at Scotty's Brewhouse in Southport, Indianapolis were celebrating as management handed out a series of awards to staff, including 'best waitress' and 'best server.' But, when it came to one employee, the award took a turn for the offensive when she was bestowed the 'best butt' award. 'I feel like I'm more than just a butt,' said the woman in an interview with Fox2now. 'I feel like I'm smart, I'm going to school.' Enraged, she took the matter to Scotty's corporate HR department where she claims she was told it had 'nothing to do with them.' No one offered an apology. 'I have two jobs so I can make money and continue to go to school,' she said, 'and then get my degree and not work two jobs anymore.'
A bank in China has suspended its chairman after 'a motivational trainer' smacked the bottoms of 'under-performing' employees. Changzhi Zhangze Rural Commercial Bank, a lender in China's Northern Shanxi province, hired the training company to run 'a performance breakthrough' course, an industry watchdog reported on a government website.
Two teenagers took an early-hours rollercoaster joyride after breaking in to Blackpool Pleasure Beach. The pair reportedly climbed over locked gates to take control of the theme park's Blue Flyer ride shortly after 4am. They flicked the switch and took a trip on the eighty two-year-old ride before they also raided a cafe, the Blackpool Gazette reported. A fifteen-year-old boy was given a community resolution order following Friday's break-in and told not to be such a daft plank again.

Imagine you're sitting in your living room, watching some home-shopping show on QVC. Why you would be doing that is another question entirely but, let's just say. The host is showing off some of the features on a laptop computer and — wait, does that laptop have the N-word on it? A viewer says that her sister spotted this and some other none-family-friendly language while watching a recent laptop demonstration on QVC. 'They were selling a cheap laptop, which I thought she wanted me to see,' the woman told Consumerist. 'I just said "no" to her, I wouldn't get it, then she said look at the text on the screen. So I did.' The screen of the laptop, which was being sold for two hundred and eighty nine dollars, appears to showcase a social media site of some kind which displays usernames and actions, perhaps a search. Along with the aforementioned N-word, the screen displayed terms like 'Porn' and 'Sex'. 'This just floored me, I had a jaw drop moment,' the viewer added. 'I took the picture while my sister paused the screen.' The women e-mailed QVC with the photo, but according to her she only received 'an automatic response.' She also posted it on social media, but it, so far, hasn't garnered a reply. After Consumerist contacted QVC, the company issued an apology and claimed to be 'looking into the matter. QVC is investigating an incident in which inappropriate social media comments generated from an outside source were momentarily and accidentally shown on our live programming,' Doug Rose, SVP, Brand and Communications said in a statement. 'We apologise to any viewers that were offended by this unauthorised content. The language shown was in direct contradiction to our values at QVC, and has no place in our broadcast nor anywhere else in our community. We are evaluating our screening procedures for live streaming social media content to prevent an incident like this from happening again.'
Women in Montreal will be allowed to go topless in public this summer apparently. Which is jolly nice if you happen to be in Montreal this summer. There are flights, yes?
A Maryland judge has upheld a two-day school suspension for a boy, then seven years old, who chewed his breakfast pastry into the shape of a gun and pretended to shoot it. Judge Ronald Silkworth of Anne Arundel County Circuit Court - who sounds like a right laugh - said that the suspension was 'appropriate' because the incident was 'disruptive' and the boy had a history of 'escalating behavioural issues,' the Washington Post reports. The boy attended Park Elementary School in Anne Arundel. He made his pastry gun less than three months after the mass shooting at an elementary school in Newtown, Connecticut. The boy's family is represented by lawyer Robin Ficker, who said that he was 'disappointed' by the decision. 'There was no physical injury, and I think they should be able to deal with a seven-year-old in-house,' Ficker told the Post. Ficker told the newspaper that he has handled ten student discipline cases involving 'pretend guns' since the Newtown shootings. The Anne Arundel case is the only one in which school officials did not clear the student's record.

A jaguar - one of the big cats rather than an E-Type, obviously - has been shot very dead shortly after it was used in an Olympic torch relay in the Brazilian city of Manaus, the Brazilian army has said. The female jaguar escaped from its handlers after the ceremony on Monday and attacked a soldier, a spokesman added. Four tranquiliser darts failed to stop it and so a soldier shot it in the head with a pistol. That stopped it. Organisers for the Rio Games said that it had been 'a mistake' to exhibit the Olympic torch next to a chained wild animal and, one is sure that chained animal in question would probably have agreed. Although, it was probably more of a mistake to chain it in the first place instead of, you know, just leaving it alone. University of Brasilia animal behaviour scientist Joao Paulo Castro told BBC Brasil that it was 'likely' the animal escaped because it got 'stressed' during the relay ceremony. No shit? 'It's neither healthy nor advisable to subject an animal to such a situation, with lots of noise and people,' he said. 'Often, jaguars already are stressed by being kept in captivity, that's only compounded when they're exposed to hubbub.' Animal rights groups have condemned the killing, with some questioning why the animal was involved in the Olympic event in the first place. 'When will we learn? Wild animals held captive and forced to do things that are frightening, sometimes painful, and always unnatural are ticking time bombs,' Brittany Peet, director of captive animal law enforcement at People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals, said in a statement. The animal called Juma was being kept at a zoo attached to a military jungle training camp. It was rescued as a cub by soldiers after its mother died in the jungle and was brought up at the camp, the military said. Jaguars seized from hunters are sometimes kept as mascots by jungle battalions and shown at military parades. An investigation into the jaguar's death will now be carried out by the military.
Significantly warmer winters have played an important role in the ongoing decline in EU greenhouse gas emissions. According to a new report, the use of CO2 and other gases across the bloc dropped by almost a quarter between 1990 and 2014. A switch from coal to natural gas, the recession and the rise of renewable energy all contributed to the fall. The latest figures, from 2014, show that a milder winter was the major factor in the reduction that year. So, it seems that climate change is helping to reduced emissions which cause ... err, climate change. Is it time for another round of How Ironic Is That now?
Reigning Tour De France champion Chris Froome will lead the Team Sky squad for the one hundred and third edition of the race. Froome will be supported by Welsh riders Geraint Thomas and Luke Rowe, who will be the road captain in the nine-strong squad, while fellow Briton Ian Stannard is also named. Froome is the only Briton to win the Tour twice, claiming victory in 2013 and 2015. The Grand Depart leaves Mont Saint-Michel in Normandy on 2 July. 'Every rider obviously starts every new Tour equal and what has gone before counts for nothing. This year I am hungrier than ever for success,' Froome said. Thomas, Stannard, Rowe and Dutch rider Wout Poels were all part of the squad that helped Froome to victory in last year's contest. 'There are a number of riders in other teams capable of putting in a challenge for overall victory. That's great news for cycling fans,' Team Sky boss Sir David Brailsford added.

A former Premier League striker has been found carrying cocaine at children's theme park Chessington World of Adventures. Marcus Bent - a thirty eight-year-old who represented Charlton Not Very Athletic and Brentford, as well as Crystal Palace, Sheffield United, Everton, Birmingham City, Middlesbrough, Ipswich Town, Leicester City and half-a-dozen other clubs during a seventeen-year career - was very arrested on Monday. He was held in custody overnight and appeared in a Wimbledon Magistrate's court on Tuesday morning to answer to a charge of possession of a class A substance. It is understood that Bent entered a very guilty plea, and was fined three hundred and eighty five notes, with eighty five knicker costs. Bent has had brushes with the law before. Last September, he was extremely charged with affray and possession of a class A drug after police used tasers to arrest him at his home in Esher. He had called 999 himself, believing that intruders were in his house, and attacked the officers with a meat cleaver and kitchen knife while under the influence of drugs when they arrived. He is said to be 'working in the oil industry,' having retired from the game.
Liam Plunkett smashed the final ball of the match for six as England tied a remarkable first one-day international against Sri Lanka at Trent Bridge on Tuesday evening. Chasing two hundred and eighty seven, Jos Buttler's ninety three and Chris Woakes's unbeaten ninety five helped the hosts recover from thirty for four and eighty two for six earlier in their innings. Their impressive performances looked to have been in vain until number ten Plunkett launched Nuwan Pradeep's last ball down the ground and into the stand. Angelo Mathews scored seventy three and Seekkuge Prasanna fifty nine in Sri Lanka's total of two hundred and eighty six for nine in their fifty overs. The tourists remain without a victory against England on this tour, having lost the three-Test series two to nil with the third drawn. England went into Nuwan Pradeep's final over on two hundred and seventy three for eight, requiring fourteen runs for victory or thirteen for a tie. Plunkett's last-ball heroics were made possible by the superb innings of wicketkeeper-batsman Buttler and all-rounder Woakes. Buttler came to the crease with England tottering on thirty for four, having lost Jason Roy, Alex Hales, Joe Root and Jonny Bairstow for single figures in quick succession. Buttler initially provided able support for captain Eoin Morgan, then demonstrated his ability and temperament to build an innings following the loss of his captain for forty three. Buttler scored at about a run a ball throughout, finding the perfect foil in the equally efficient Woakes as the pair added an England ODI record of one hundred and thirty eight for the seventh wicket. Buttler's dismissal - courtesy of a superb leaping catch on the long-on boundary by Dasun Shanaka off Prasanna - looked to have derailed England's hopes of a win. But Woakes kept them in the game - amassing his highest ODI score in the process - to help set up the last-ball drama. Having lost the toss and been put in to bat, Sri Lanka's innings was built around two contrasting half-centuries - one a patient effort from captain Mathews, the other a brief, big-hitting display from Prasanna. Having arrived at the wicket with the tourists fifty six for three after David Willey and Woakes had removed the top three cheaply, the cautious Mathews - playing his one hundred and seventy second ODI - made seventy three off one hundred and nine balls before falling in the forty seventh over. He shared responsibility for steadying the ship with Dinesh Chandimal, who scored thirty seven in a partnership of sixty four, while Prasanna accelerated the run-rate by smashing a twenty eight-ball fifty nine which included eight fours and four sixes. Prasanna's dismissal - caught and bowled by Woakes - checked Sri Lanka's progress and, despite run-a-ball cameos from Shanaka (twenty) and Farveez Maharoof (thirty one), they fell short of three hundred. Woakes, Willey and Liam Plunkett picked up two wickets each but arguably the pick of the bowlers was spinner Adil Rashid, who went for only thirty six from ten superb overs.
Authorities at Euro 2016 in France are under pressure to stop fans smuggling flares into stadiums, but after one man was reportedly found to have hidden one such device up his rectum, is there anything they can actually do? Security at the Euro 2016 stadiums and fan zones is tight, but still not tight enough, apparently. A French-Albanian man is facing court on Monday of next week after he allegedly hid a banned flare in his bum crack to smuggle it into the Nice fan zone where two people were hurt when it was set off, prosecutors said. The eighteen-year-old is reported to have set off the flare in the fan zone during last Wednesday's game between France and Albania causing burns to two people as well as himself, prosecutors said. Security is at an all time high at both the grounds and the fan zones, but even in the case of the man, pat-down searches failed to find the eighteen centimetre by four centimetre flare which was reportedly hidden in a condom. The tournament has already been blighted by a few other incidents including flares, most dramatically during the Croatia versus Czech Republic match in Saint-Etienne, where UEFA brought charges after at least ten flares were lobbed from the Croatian corner of the stadium. Flares have also been fired at the Hungary and Iceland clash in Marseille, the Spain and Turkey match in Nice and Belgium versus Ireland in Bordeaux. UEFA and French authorities have been criticised for allowing so many flares in.
A Swedish footballer has reportedly been sent off for breaking wind during a match – with the referee accusing him of 'deliberate provocation' and 'unsportsmanlike behaviour.' Adam Lindin Ljungkvist, who was playing at left-back in the match between Järna SK's reserve team and Pershagen SK, was shown a second yellow card late on in what local media called 'bizarre circumstances.' 'I had a bad stomach, so I simply let go,' the twenty five-year-old told Länstidningen Södertälje. 'Then, I received two yellow cards and then red. Yes, I was shocked, it's the strangest thing I have ever experienced in football. I asked the referee, "What, am I not allowed to break wind a little?" "No," he replied. I don't get it but, maybe, he thought I farted in my hand and threw the fart at him. But I did not.' Opposition striker Kristoffer Linde told the paper: 'I was standing a good distance away but I heard the fart loud and clear. It's the strangest thing I've seen on a pitch, and I've been playing football since I was eight years old.' The referee, Dany Kako, confirmed that Ljungkvist had received the second yellow card for breaking wind, explaining: 'I perceived it as deliberate provocation. He did it on purpose and it was inappropriate. Therefore, he received a yellow card.' Ljungkvist told Aftonbladet: 'To provoke anyone with a fart is not particularly smart or normal. It's nonsense – I just broke wind and got a red card. I spoke to the referee afterwards, I was annoyed, but there were no bad words. I just said he was a buffoon.' Kako said that he had experienced 'similar incidents' before. 'Once there was a player who stood and peed next to the pitch. I showed him a yellow card, too.'
Now, as you probably already know, dear blog reader, Anton Yelchin, who played Pavel Chekov in recently released Star Trek movies, has died in an horrific car accident at the age of just twenty seven. The actor had risen to prominence with several blockbuster films in recent years - and has a starring role in Star Trek Beyond, which is due to be released next month. Publicist Jennifer Allen confirmed Anton's was killed early on Sunday morning. According to reports, the actor died in a freak accident after getting pinned between his car - a Jeep Grand Cherokee - and a brick pillar at his home. Anton was discovered after concerned friends visited his home in the San Fernando Valley because he had failed to attend a rehearsal hours earlier. An only child, Yelchin was born in Leningrad and moved to the US as a baby with his parents, who were professional figure skaters. His first screen role was in US drama ER in 2000 and appeared in more than a dozen TV series and films before his breakthrough role in 2006's Alpha Dog. Among his other big screen credits were Charlie Bartlett (2007), Terminator Salvation (2009), Fright Night (2011), Odd Thomas (2013) and the horror movie Green Room, released last year.
And finally, dear blog reader, the question of the day: Everybody seemingly wants to know if yer actual Keith Telly Topping is in or out. Nobody, it appears is giving this blogger the option of The Third Way (and, therefore, the chance to 'shake it all about'). Which is an opportunity missed I feel.
That's what it's all about, dear blog reader.

Saturday, June 18, 2016

How I Learned To Stop Worrying

Matt Lucas is set to return to Doctor Who for its tenth series. Having taken part in the drama's 2015 Christmas special alongside yer actual Peter Capaldi and Alex Kingston her very self, Lucas will reprise the role of River Song's former assistant Nardole. 'I'm chuffed-to-bits that Nardole is returning to the TARDIS for some more adventures,' Lucas said. The actor will appear in the opening episode of series ten, which begins filming in Cardiff on 20 June. The Lord Thy God Steven Moffat (OBE) added that he was 'delighted and slightly amazed to be welcoming Matt Lucas back on to the TARDIS - and this time it's not just for Christmas, he's sticking around. One of the greatest comedy talents on planet Earth is being unleashed on all of time and space.' Lucas said that he was 'looking forward' to reprising his role in the popular long-running family SF drama because he 'loved acting with Peter and I'm excited to work with Pearl.' Moffat (Thou Shalt Worship No Other Gods Before He) is writing the first episode in the new series, which will be directed by Lawrence Gough (who directed Pearl Mackie's introduction in Friend From The Future, the online short). Peter Bennett returns as series producer, with Brian Minchin as executive producer. The second episode will also see the return of Frank Cottrell Boyce, who previously wrote In The Forest Of The Night in the 2014 series. Which this blogger thought was great though he seems to be in the minority in that regard. Further writers announced for the series include Sarah Dollard who wrote last year's Face The Raven, Mike Bartlett (writer for the multi-award winning Doctor Foster) and veteran yer actual Mark Gatiss. In addition to Lucas, Stephanie Hyam has also been announced for a guest role in the new series; the actress appeared in the New Year's Day Sherlock as Jane the Cheeky Maid and also played Charlotte in Peaky Blinders and Lily Clarke in Jekyll & Hyde. But, we won't hold the latter against her. This also saw the first read-through for the series take place. As this image proves!
Last year saw a missed opportunity for Doctor Who fans, as it has been revealed that Sean Pertwee had to turn down a role in the popular long-running family SF drama's ninth series. Sean's father, Jon, of course played The Doctor in the 1970s. You knew that, right? When asked by Radio Times whether he would like to follow his father's footsteps into the TARDIS, Sean replied: 'I'd love to. I've been asked before - I was asked actually last season. I couldn't do it because of Gotham. I'd love to be in some capacity be involved, as an ode to my father and to Roger Delgado, who was my dad's best friend. It'd be an honour to be involved in something like that. You know, it's a big thing! Doctor Who's a massive thing in America now, and also they're looking to the older Doctors, which I think is really kinda cool. They're looking back as well, not just forward.'
Patrick Ness has revealed that the forthcoming Class is to feature a LGBT character in one of the lead roles. The showrunner of the Doctor Who spin-off tweeted the news after attending a vigil held in Cardiff, remembering the victims of the Orlando massacre, where forty nine people were murdered in a sick terrorist attack against a gay nightclub. The news, perhaps inevitably, brought a few outrageous homophobic comments from some of the Special People about not enjoying having 'a gay agenda' shoved down their (collective) throat. Just one more reason, dear blog reader, to conclude that there are some good people in the world, some bad people, many shades of grey in between and then there are some people who are just scum. Class is, in case you didn't know, a spin-off from Doctor Who, set in Coal Hill School, and is currently filming in Wales. The series will be released onto the BBC3 online channel this Autumn, before being screened on BBC1 later in the year.
Poison Ivy is getting a makeover on Gotham. Clare Foley, the actress who played the teenage Ivy Pepper during the popular US dramas first two series is leaving ahead of its third series, according to TV Line. The fourteen year old's exit leaves the door open for 'a mystery actress' to pick up the character's development into the feared eco-terrorist she will eventually become. Show executives are said to be looking to recast the role with someone who is in their late teens - and when Ivy returns, she will also be a series regular rather than a guest star. Poison Ivy was previously played on-screen by Uma Thurman in the critically-reviled movie Batman & Robin. Other new characters you can expect in Gotham series three include Mad Hatter and Vicki Vale, who will make their series debut when the show returns to screens later this year.
The South Bank Show returned to Sky Arts for its latest series – hosted, as ever, by Melvyn Bragg – this week. New episodes will feature episodes on the likes of yer actual Benedict Cumberbatch and Russell Davies his very self.
England’s 2-1 Euro 2016 win over Wales on Thursday was watched live on the BBC Sport website by a record 2.3 million people and a peak audience of more than nine million on BBC1. This figure is more than double the BBC's previous biggest live streaming audience, an indication of the huge national interest in the game and the fact that many people were at work when it kicked off at 2pm. BBC1's Match Of The Day Live, which kicked off at 1.30pm, drew an average audience of 6.6 million viewers, a 61.6 per cent share of the available audience. It had a five-minute peak of 9.3 million. The online viewing figures, which include mobile, are a sign of the changing way the nation watches television. The 2.3 million audience includes everyone who clicked on the website and started to live stream the football, which England clinched with an injury time winner by Daniel Sturridge. An all-time high audience of 14.6 million unique global browsers visited the BBC Sport website on Thursday to follow coverage of Euro 2016, including Northern Ireland's victory over Ukraine. This breaks the previous record of 13.6 million browsers set on the final day of the 2015-16 Premier League season. Barbara Slater, director of BBC Sport, said: 'The BBC has pioneered live digital event coverage from London 2012 Olympics to Glastonbury, and our record breaking figures highlight its increasing importance to audiences.'
Upstart Crow - which this blogger must confess, he thinks is about as funny as a kick in the knackers but which, nevertheless, seems to have developed something of an audience - will be returning for a second series on BBC2 next year. Ben Elton's Shakespeare sitcom will be back for six more episodes plus a Christmas special in 2017. Starring David Mitchell, Liza Tarbuck, Mark Heap, Harry Enfield, Paula Wilcox and Helen Monks, the series followed the life of William as he began finding success while dealing with this difficult dysfunctional family. As with the first series, the next run will see each episode using a Shakespeare work as its central inspiration - with series two expected to feature elements of Othello and The Taming Of The Shrew among others. Elton will be particularly pleased, as his previous sitcom for the Beeb (2013's wretched The Wright Way) was universally spat on by critics - including this blogger who considered it the worst TV show of that year - and was very axed after just one series. He said: 'Making a sitcom for the BBC is the holy grail of British comedy writing. I am absolutely thrilled that Upstart Crow has earned a second series and am sorry for some of the things I thought about the Bard while studying for my English Lit O Level.'
Thursday's episodes of Question Time and This Week were cancelled by the BBC following the horrifying murder of Jo Cox, the Labour MP for Batley and Spen. Jo, who was forty one years old, died after she was shot and stabbed multiple times following a constituency meeting in Birstall. She was elected to Parliament last year, and in a moving statement, her husband Brendan urged people to 'unite to fight against the hatred that killed her.' Campaigning by both sides in the EU Referendum had already been suspended earlier after news of the shooting first broke. 'In light of the death of the MP Jo Cox, and the resulting decision by both sides of the European referendum debate to suspend campaigning, tonight's Question Time and This Week programmes, which would have focused on these campaigns, have been cancelled,' a BBC spokesperson said. Andrew Neil, This Week host, said: 'Huge sadness has descended across British politics tonight as one of its brightest lights - noted for her compassion and decency - is no more.' A fifty two-year-old man has been arrested in connection with Jo's murder and will appear in court of Saturday. Jo is survived by Brendan and their two young children, aged three and five. Everyone at From The North - and, one would hope, anyone with some much as a heart beating in their chests - wishes to send their most sincere condolences to Jo's family and friends at this most dreadful of times.
Staff on the BBC's Parliament channel staged a twenty four-hour strike in a dispute over 'unequal' pay grading. Members of the National Union of Journalists walked out on Wednesday after getting all stroppy and militant and voting, unanimously, for action. Most of those who took part were broadcasting assistants. A BBC spokesman said: 'We expect to offer a normal service including broadcasting PMQs on BBC Parliament as well as BBC News Channel and BBC2 as usual. There will be coverage of the select committee hearing with Sir Philip Green on BBC Parliament and the BBC News Channel. We have plans in place to maintain the scheduled programming.' Online coverage of the Scottish parliament, national assemblies and business in the Lords was also not affected.
Rowan Atkinson will return as Maigret in two new TV movies on ITV. The actor will reprise his role as the detective in 2017. The films will see Atkinson return to the lead role as Georges Simenon's sleuth Jules Maigret. The films will be based on Simenon's original stories Night At The Crossroads and Maigret in Montmartre. ITV's controller of Drama, Victoria Fea said: 'It's an absolute privilege to commission two further standalone Maigret films for ITV. We were thrilled to welcome Rowan Atkinson to the channel as Maigret. His superb performance, and the filmic execution from the production team ensured the audience greatly appreciated the first Maigret film which aired earlier this year.'

ITV should be 'required' to make more current affairs programming in return for increased support from regulators, according to an influential inquiry into the future of broadcasting in the UK. And, if they don't, they should be given a jolly good, old fashioned kick in the cobblers for their impertinence. Or something. The inquiry, led by film-maker and Labour peer Lord Puttnam, said that there was 'an opportunity' to strengthen the broadcaster's public service role and 'recapture the scale and ambition of the best of ITV's historic reputation for flagship current affairs programming.' The suggested increases in the minimum requirements for current affairs programming are modest, moving from fifteen minutes to thirty minutes a week of regional programming and the equivalent of ninety minutes a week on ITV's national network. ITV's licence currently requires forty three hours of current affairs programming a year on the national network and in 2015 it broadcast sixty three hours. Roughly the same number of hours as it devoted to The X Factor and Britain's Got Toilets. However, ninety minutes a week would be equivalent to seventy eight hours, the level required roughly a decade ago when ITV was still producing World In Action. Although still nowhere near the amount of time it devoted to current affairs when it still made This Week and Weekend World. In return, ITV would get 'additional support' including 'continued protection' for its prominent place on the electronic programme guide and on future online services. The inquiry also recommended that, along with other public service broadcasters, ITV should be paid by platforms such as Sky which currently host its channels for free. As well as increasing minimum requirements for non-news current affairs, the inquiry is calling for regulator Ofcom to embark on a review of ITV's role in the UK's 'broadcasting ecology' and create an 'imaginative proposal' for strengthening its 'contribution to democratic accountability.' Puttnam said: 'There is a great opportunity here to reinvent current affairs television content for the Twenty First Century, while building on the very best of ITV's traditions. This would have the additional benefit of raising the game of other broadcasters, not least the BBC, by restoring the competition for quality that was a hallmark of the public service television world in the recent past.' When ITV was established it had far more stringent public service commitments, but these have been steadily eroded as bosses argued they were 'hindering' its commercial performance and its possibilities for profit and, you know, greed. In 2013 Ofcom - a politically appointed quango, elected by no one - allowed ITV to reduce its weekday regional news bulletins from thirty minutes to twenty minutes but increased the number of regions targeted to fourteen from eight. The regulator said that audiences would 'benefit' from 'more targeted programming.' ITV currently runs twenty minutes of purely regional news as part of thirty minute programmes in all regions except London and Granada, where purely regional news makes up the full thirty minutes. In 2015 ITV recorded an eighteen per cent rise in pre-tax profits to eight hundred and forty three million smackers, on revenues that grew fifteen per cent. It has, in recent years, shifted increasingly into production through its ITV Studios arm, buying up companies such as The Voice creator Talpa Media. Though ITV has been criticised for reducing current affairs output over previous decades, it recently launched Peston On Sunday, a weekly politics show fronted by former BBC business editor Robert Pestinfestation, one of a number of high profile recent hires. Albeit, near enough nobody's watching the damn thing so, you know, one might regard that as merely an exercise in box-ticking. An ITV spokesperson said: 'ITV is proud to be a public service broadcaster with a strong commitment to very significant investment in original UK content, including international, national and regional news and current affairs. We welcome the inquiry's recommendation that ITV, and other PSBs, should receive a range of regulatory support, including continued EPG prominence and the payment of retransmission fees. We look forward to reading the full report when it is published later this month.' An spokesperson for Ofcom said: 'Ofcom welcomes discussion about the future of public service broadcasting, to ensure it continues to meet audience expectations and needs. We will review Lord Puttnam's report when published.' The full findings of the Puttnam inquiry, which are expected to focus on the future of the BBC and Channel Four, will be published on 29 June.

Curb Your Enthusiasm will return for a ninth series, US network HBO has announced. The comedy, which stars Larry David as an exaggerated version of himself, last broadcast an original episode in 2011. Speaking about the show's five-year absence, David said: 'In the immortal words of Julius Caesar, "I left, I did nothing, I returned."' An official broadcast date for the new series has not yet been confirmed. The commissioning of a new series is the first major programming decision by Casey Bloys, who took over as president of programming at HBO last month. In a statement, he said: 'We're thrilled that Larry has decided to do a new season of Curb and can't wait to see what he has planned.' The show, which premiered in 2000 and stars David in a highly fictionalised version of his own life, is HBO's longest-running scripted comedy series. The actor, who also co-created Seinfeld, has maintained a high profile in the US since Curb Your Enthusiasm was last broadcast, parodying Democratic presidential hopeful Bernie Sanders on Saturday Night Live and recently appearing on NBC variety show Maya & Marty.
A first-look clip from ITV's upcoming series Victoria sees Jenna Coleman her very self getting acquainted with her new responsibilities. In the clip, we are introduced to Coleman's titular Queenie, as well as Rufus Sewell's Lord Melbourne.
It is a common misconception that the first lesbian kiss on British television was Anna Friel’s passionate embrace on Brookside in the early 1990s. In fact, that particular taboo was broken two decades earlier in the BBC drama Girl, featuring Alison Steadman and the moment is now being made available for the public to watch for the first time in nearly four decades. To coincide with the Pride In London festival, the BBC will make the half-hour drama, which tells the story of an affair between two female army officers, viewable on the BBC store. The kiss was shared between Steadman and Myra Frances and has not been aired since it was first broadcast as part of the Second City Firsts strand on BBC2 in February 1974. Steadman spoke about how proud she was to have been involved in such a watershed moment for equality on television, but said that she had found it quite shocking at the time. 'When I was offered the part I felt quite nervous. A completely new adventure. Never been offered anything like it before,' she said. 'The director, Peter Gill, was great because he didn't fuss about the fact they were two women or that they had to kiss. He said it was "just a love story."' The scene was, nonetheless, considered so controversial that the producer came to watch rehearsals to make sure things didn't go 'too far.' The broadcast was also preceded by an announcement by the controller of BBC2 obviously fearful that the sight of two women kissing would cause viewers' heads to explode. Steadman said that she had been 'most worried' about her parents watching the drama and being embarrassed by the comments it might received but, they took it well. 'My mum said she thought it was great and was very moved by it,' she said. It wasn't until five years later, in 1979, that the first gay kiss between two men was broadcast on BBC1 in Coming Out. The first pre-watershed lesbian kiss was between Anna Friel and Nicola Stephenson on Brookside in 1994. Wen several viewers' heads, actually did explode. Girl will be released by the BBC as part of its Pride & Prejudice collection of landmark LGBT dramas such as the adaptations of Jeanette Winterson's Oranges Are Not The Only Fruit and Hanif Kureshi's The Buddha Of Suburbia.

Now, here's something well worth thinking about, dear blog reader.
What He (or She) said.

Philip Glenister was none too pleased with US television networks for remaking his classic British shows Life On Mars and Mad Dogs. Neither American version gained a foothold across the pond - joining the US remakes of Broadchurch and Gavin & Stacey in being quickly dropped. 'They remade [Life On Mars] and messed it up,' Phil complained to the Mirra. 'They did it with Mad Dogs and they messed that up as well. It's a great source of frustration, I think, certainly for British actors. The one series that seems to have worked for them was The Office.' For what it's worth,this blogger though that the US remake of Life On Mars was, for the most part, a pretty decent effort, playing with a completely different set of generic cliches and doing a broadly decent job with them. That was, until about five minutes from the end of the final episode when it all went horribly tits-up! Phil's advice to US networks on how to handle UK hits is: 'They get shown on things like BBC America or PBS, but it'd be nice if they'd show it in their entirety on one of the networks.' Yeah, like that's going to happen.
It's still only June but NBC has already set autumn premiere dates for The Blacklist, The Voice, Chicago Fire, Law & Order SVU and other primetime shows. With its summer season only now kicking off, the network has announced that Blindspot will lead its post-Olympics schedule on Wednesday 14 September. The Blacklist moves to Thursdays at 10pm starting on 22 September for its fourth series, after an all-new Chicago Med at 9pm. Meanwhile, FOX has announced that another of yer actual Keith Telly Topping's favourite US dramas, Gotham, will return for its third series on Monday 19 September.
NCIS is beefing up its cast following the departure of Michael Weatherly. From Dusk Till Dawn and That '70s Show actor Wilmer Valderrama is the latest high-profile name to join NCIS's fourteenth series, in which he'll play a deep-cover intelligence agent. 'Fans are going to see [Wilmer] like they've never seen him before,' executive producer Gary Glasberg said on Thursday. 'This is going to be fun. We're thrilled he's coming aboard.' NCIS has also recently cast Duane Henry and 24's Sarah Clarke, to fill the void left by Weatherly whose character was written out of the CBS drama earlier in the year, so the actor could launch his own pilot, Bull, in the fall.

BBC News correspondent Caroline Wyatt has been forced to step down from her role after being diagnosed with multiple sclerosis. The veteran war reporter, who has spent over two decades at the corporation, has been battling MS for the last few years but was only recently diagnosed the condition, symptoms of which can include fatigue and impaired mobility. Wyatt was embedded with British troops during the 2003 Iraq invasion and switched to her current role as religious affairs correspondent in 2014. She says that she intends to return to the BBC as a radio presenter in the autumn. 'I have been utterly overwhelmed by the support I've had from my colleagues, friends and family in recent days and months, and am so grateful for the support the BBC is giving me while I recover from my current relapse,' she said in a statement. 'After being diagnosed with MS late last year, I feel very lucky to live in a country where the NHS is able to do much to help people with MS, and where so much research is being done. I have lived with the condition for the past twenty five years, so the diagnosis came as a relief as it enables me to have treatment and to do all I can to manage it. I am tremendously sad to be stepping down from my current specialism as BBC religious affairs correspondent at a time that understanding religion has rarely been more important. It has been a privilege to cover the religious leadership of Pope Francis and that of the Archbishop of Canterbury Justin Welby, and to meet the many Muslims in the UK and elsewhere who are making clear that the theology and ideology of the so-called Islamic State does not represent the mainstream of their faith. I feel incredibly blessed in having been able to work as a BBC correspondent for the past 23 years, from telling the story of the UK's Armed Forces in Kosovo, Iraq and Afghanistan to highlighting the stories of those still battling with their injuries many years later, as well as reporting on the families and children caught up in conflicts around the world, from Chechnya to the Central African Republic. When I return to work in the autumn, I am really looking forward to starting a new chapter as a presenter for BBC radio, and I hope in the future to raise both awareness and money for more research into MS.'

ITV's Loose Women was, briefly, taken off air on Wednesday after protesters interrupted the live show. The disruption occurred as Ruth Langsford was speaking to full-of-her-own-importance Coleen Nolan about her struggles with weight loss. During the item, fathers' rights protesters were heard shouting: 'No kids, no cash!' as they burst into the studio. The show cut to a standby screen with the Loose Women logo for around twenty seconds, as the shouting faded away. Once back on-air, Nolan said: 'Can we get back to me?' Langsford said: 'Those gentlemen have left us, so where were we?' An ITV spokesperson said: 'The show was briefly interrupted today by three members of the audience who were making a peaceful protest.' A noisy, but peaceful protest.
The great Janeane Garofalo will lead the cast of E4's new series Foreign Bodies, which will start in early 2017. The eight-part comedy drama follows a group of travellers on a trek around Asia. Garofalo will play Sam, a seasoned traveller who has worked in the business for over twenty years. Over the course of the series, she encounters 'a number of eager and inexperienced backpackers,' and teaches them that travelling the world 'isn't all it's cracked up to be.' Ade Oyefeso, Brittney Wilson, Alice Lee and Anders Hayward will all appear in the series. Tim Key will also appear as Greg, who is 'out to experience the word following the breakdown of his marriage.' Foreign Bodies has been created by Fresh Meat writer Tom Basden, and will be broadcast early next year.

A service van for a fire prevention company reportedly burst into flames on a Vancouver street Monday afternoon. The Vancouver Fire Department said that crews responded to a vehicle fire on Southeast Marine Drive near Knight Street at 4:30 pm. They found a vehicle 'engulfed in flames' and managed to quickly contain the blaze. There were no injuries, though the van appeared to be a write-off. The van belonged to Vancouver Fire, which describes itself as 'British Columbia's largest, longest-established fire protection, fire safety and commercial security and monitoring company.' Investigators are currently looking into what caused the fire, but it is not said to be considered suspicious at this time. Vancouver Fire Department Assistant Chief Ron Coulson said there was 'likely' some fire prevention equipment in the van at the time of the blaze. 'I guess there would be [a sense of irony] seeing a service vehicle for a fire alarm company actually burning,' he said. 'I'm sure the vehicle itself was on fire, not the fire retardants.'
A hike in the Austrian Alps went alarmingly off-course for a party of tourists at the weekend when their guide, allegedly, got drunk and wandered off, leaving them lost on the mountains. The sixty-strong group from Hungary were forced to call mountain rescue services to help them find their way back to civilisation. The hikers set off at around 3pm local time on Saturday with an unqualified guide from a Hungarian trekking association to explore the Rax mountain range in Eastern Austria, according to local police quoted in the Torygraph. But, around an hour later Austrian emergency services received a call from 'a distressed member' of the group, who said that he was lost with his daughter in the mountains. The guide was 'drunk' and 'had disappeared,' the hiker claimed. Weather conditions in the area were deteriorating and a group of twelve mountain rescuers set off to bring the group back to safety. They were able to locate the lost hikers and lead them down the mountains without incident. But, when they returned to the valley they ran into the elusive guide, who appeared to have descended on his own, without his charges. He denied being drunk and claimed not to have touched 'a drop' of alcohol. Police said that, as no one was injured, they did not carry out a breath test. 'All the same, it was a fine line,' Gerhard Rieglthalner, a mountaineering expert for the police, told Krone newspaper. 'The man was unprofessional and he was not a trained mountain guide.'
Police believed that a man had barricaded himself in his Redford, Michigan home Saturday morning, shutting down a neighbourhood and leading to an eleven-hour stand-off with, what turned out to be, an empty house. The stand-off reportedly began around midnight. Tear gas canisters were fired into the home and a robot was used to try and find the fugitive man inside. The home was found to be empty when authorities finally entered it late on Saturday morning. The situation appears to have stemmed from a domestic disagreement. A husband and wife's argument is said to have became violent, sending the couple through the glass front door. The wife told police that her husband had stabbed her. The wife also said the argument started after she told her husband she wanted a divorce after about six weeks of marriage. The husband had, apparently, left the home before police arrived. Officers had asked the public to avoid the area and several streets were blocked off.
Iceland's first goal at a major tournament this week brought quite a reaction from commentator Haukur Hardarson of Icelandic national broadcaster RUV during the tiny nation's battling 1-1 draw with stroppy, full-of-their-own-importance Portugal.
Vasco Da Gama, João Infante, Christopher Columbus, Pêro Da Covilhã, Cristóvão De Mendonça, Tristão Da Cunha, Ferdinand Magellan, Pedro Fernandes De Queirós, Lúcia Santos, António Castanheira Neves, Amália Rodrigues, Fiama Hasse Pais Brandão, José Saramago, Carmen Miranda, Carlos Lopes, Eusébio, Fernando Pessa ... can you hear us? Your boys took a Hell of a ... drawing. And that.

It's been a bloody weird Euro 2016 so far, dear blog reader; Hungary, Wales, Iceland and Northern Ireland all springing surprises of Major, Brigadier-General and Rear Admiral proportions, England actually playing half-way decent for three out of four halves thus far, the Italians looking brilliant in their opening game and the Germans looking merely ruthlessly efficient (so, no change there, then). And, everybody wondering which France and which Spain are going to turn up. So, it was really comforting on Friday afternoon to watch a terminally dull Italy versus Sweden game where the Italians looked exactly like the Italians usually look in the opening round of a tournament ('0-0. Good result, that!') And then Eder scored. With a shot. What's that all about? It's nice that, in an uncertain world some things, seemingly, never change.
Tory tax avoider Gary Barlow will front a new Saturday night BBC1 show leading a talent search for the cast of a new nationwide Take That musical. Let It Shine, co-presented by Graham Norton and Mel Giedroyc, will search for a band to take part in a stage show featuring the music of Take That. Barlow will be joined by three mentors each week in the eight-week run. The announcement comes after the BBC lost the rights to their Saturday night talent show The Voice to ITV. A statement about the show said they will be looking for people who 'exude the charisma, showmanship and stage presence' of Take That. So, that shouldn't take very long. Barlow said that the 'secret' to the band's success was their chemistry, which is what they will be looking for with the new show. 'Back in 1989, we were just a group of normal guys from Manchester who came together. The secret to our success was that each of us brought something different to the group and that the five of us had real chemistry. Now with Let It Shine we're looking for people from all walks of life to form another unique group who can recreate that magic. If you think you've got what it takes, we want to see it!' Graham Norton has hosted a number of talent search shows for the BBC, including finding stars of Oliver!, The Sound Of Music and The Wizard Of Oz. He said he believes the new show will 'follow in their successful footsteps.' Or, in the case of Over The Rainbow, their 'less than successful footsteps.' 'The combination of the BBC, everyone's favourite band and Saturday nights made this an offer I simply couldn't refuse. If I wasn't a part of Let It Shine, I know I would be watching it at home - this way I just get the best seat in the house.' Charlotte Moore, the BBC Controller of TV Channels said she hoped the show 'will bring families together to celebrate Britain's love of musical theatre, combining singing, performance and dance in a hotly contested search to find a new group.'

Miss Great Britain, Zara Holland, has been stripped of her title after having naughty sex on the risible ITV2 reality show Love Island. The organisation said it was 'with deep regret' that she had been 'de-crowned.' Scenes showing the twenty-year-old getting intimate - and then being boned - with Vicky Pattison's ex, Alex Bowen, were broadcast on Wednesday. To an audience of about twelve, let it be noted. 'We pride ourselves on promoting the positivity of pageants in modern society and this includes the promotion of a strong, positive female role model in our winners,' said a statement. 'The feedback we have received from pageant insiders and members of the general public is such that we cannot promote Zara as a positive role model moving forward. We wholly understand that everyone makes mistakes, but Zara, as an ambassador for Miss Great Britain, simply did not uphold the responsibility expected of the title.' She will be replaced by runner-up Deone Robertson, who had been crowned Miss North Lanarkshire, and will now compete in the Miss World competition. Holland said that she 'regretted' the decision in Thursday night's show. She told the cameras: 'You know when you're in the moment and it just happens. That's really not like me at all. Why couldn't we have just gone to sleep?' The organisation said that they would meet Zara on her return to the UK from the house in Majorca 'to fully explain our decision and will wish her the very best going forward.' A spokesman for the show said that a decision 'hadn't been made yet' about when Zara would be informed. Alex Bowen entered the Love Island house earlier this week with James Khan. Holland was given the chance to go on a date with one of the two new men and chose Bowen, despite the fitness coach having spent the day flirting with fellow contestant Olivia Buckland. The pair decided to spend the night together in the Hideaway and were then filmed having the sex. Big Hot Sweaty the sex at that.
Taylor Swift's very recent ex boyfriend Calvin Harris has 'unfollowed' her on Twitter, after images of the singer kissing Tom Hiddleston appeared online. And this constitutes 'news', apparently. Truly, dear blog reader, we are living in a world that is, quite quite mad.
Indiana Jones his very self will not be killed off in the fifth film, director Steven Spielberg has confirmed. The newest movie of the franchise, which stars Harrison Ford in the title role (you knew that, right?), is scheduled for release in 2019. Spielberg told The Hollywood Reporter: 'The one thing I will tell you is I'm not killing off Harrison at the end of it.' Spielberg has directed all four of the previous films in the series - two of them very good, one of them ... just about okay and one of them really terrible - and is 'super excited' about the new project. 'I think this one is straight down the pike for the fans,' he said. The as-yet-untitled film will come eleven years after the most recent movie in the series, 2008's Kingdom Of The Crystal Skull. Ford will be seventy seven when the new film arrives in cinemas. Earlier this year, Ford told the BBC: 'I've always thought there was an opportunity to do another. But I didn't want to do it without Steven. And I didn't want to do it without a really good script. And happily we're working on both.' He added: 'Steven is developing a script now that I think we're going to be very happy with.'
Residents living in a Nottinghamshire village sharing its name with Batman's home city were told their address 'did not exist' when they phoned the local council. The villagers of Gotham were desperately trying to get hold of some sandbags to stop their homes from flooding, but the advisor they spoke to claimed that he could only find a 'Gotham City in New York' on his database. Rushcliffe Borough Council has since grovellingly apologised for such rank and stupid glakery. It claimed, unconvincingly, that the calls were answered by 'someone outside of the area.' As if that nonsense made any difference. 'He said the only Gotham he could find is Gotham City in New York,' said Racheal Webster, one of the residents who phoned up. 'I said "are you trying to be funny? Is that some kind of joke?" and he said "no, that's the only Gotham I can find."' The conversation became 'quite heated', Webster added, when the man said that he could not help her. 'I said "well we do exist, obviously, we are getting flooded, the water is starting to come in. He said the same thing to my neighbour when my neighbour called as well.' There is no such city as Gotham in the real world, but New York is sometimes referred to as Gotham. The villagers phoned a local emergency number printed on the council's website when flooding began in Gotham on Wednesday evening. However, the council said that its out-of-hours service is 'provided by a national company.' David Banks, the executive manager for neighbourhoods, said: 'Unfortunately, the advisor Mrs Webster spoke to wasn't familiar with the area and wasn't able to locate Gotham on the system to log the call. He tried to help by doing a Google search of "Gotham" which returned results referring to the Gotham in America.' Which, as we've already established, doesn't exist outside of the pages of DC Comics. 'We understand that experiencing flooding is stressful and upsetting and we are working with our out-of-hours provider to ensure that this doesn't happen again.'
A series of never-before-seen letters written by Audrey Hepburn will be auctioned later this month. The ten letters were written between 1951 and 1960 to her mentor and lifelong friend Sir Felix Aylmer. They reveal details of a dramatic decade of the screen siren's life as she rose from an unknown ballerina to Hollywood superstardom. In them, she mentions her broken engagement, marriage, miscarriages and the birth of her first child. The letters are estimated to sell for up to four thousand knicker. In one of the letters, dated 1951, a then twenty two-year-old Hepburn, wrote: 'Would you believe it. I'm in Monte Carlo working on a French picture. The place is heavenly and this is the best thing that's ever happened to me.' The actress was referring to filming Monte Carlo Baby, one of her first movies. A year later she wrote that 'with a heavy heart' she had broken off her engagement to the socialite James Hanson. 'It is all very unhappy-making,' she said. 'I fear I thought it possible to make our combined lives and careers work out.' This was followed by joy at finding her future husband, the actor Mel Ferrer, whom she married in 1954. 'We want to keep [the wedding] a dark secret in order to have it without the press,' she confided a few weeks before the ceremony, which was to be held 'in a tiny chapel with a wedding breakfast after.' Hepburn and Ferrer went on to become co-stars in War & Peace after they were married. Following two miscarriages, the final letter in the collection ends on a celebratory note as the actress celebrated the birth of her first child, Sean Ferrer. 'Sean is truly a dream. I find it hard to believe he is really ours to keep. I long to show him to you. We all three send our love and kisses,' she wrote. The letters will go on sale at the Bonhams Entertainment Memorabilia sale in London on 29 June.
A third woman has come forward to claim that she was sexually abused by the late Liberal MP and TV personality Sir Clement Freud. Vicky Hayes told ITV News that the politician, who died in 2009, had raped her in the mid-1960s when she was seventeen. Her allegation follows accusations from two other women who say that they were abused by Freud as children. In response to those claims, Freud's widow Jill Freud, said that she was 'deeply saddened and profoundly sorry for what has happened to these women.' Hayes told ITV News that Freud would frequently visit her father's Lincoln seafood restaurant, known as Syd's, in the mid-1960s and that she had first met him when she was fourteen. She said she was seventeen when he took her on an overnight trip to the races and raped her. She said: 'I just lay there afraid, scared, and he forced himself on me and took my virginity.' Hayes said she did not tell her parents, because her father would have 'killed' Freud. 'You don't expect a friend of your parents to rape you,' she said. She reported the incident to Suffolk Police in 2010, two years after Freud's death. A spokesman for the force confirmed that it had received a historic allegation of rape dating back more than forty years, but added: 'This was formally recorded but as the suspect was no longer alive, there were no further lines of inquiry.' Hayes is the third woman to make claims against Freud, with the earlier allegations prompting his widow to apologise. Sylvia Woosley, who first met Freud when she was ten in the late 1940s and was sent to live with him at fourteen, told an ITV Exposure programme that he had abused her 'for years.' In the documentary, Exposure: Abused & Betrayed - A Life Sentence, broadcast on Wednesday, Woosley, now in her late seventies, said: 'I just want to clear things up before I die. I want to die clean. Having been so hard on myself, trying to destroy myself so many times, you can't bury the truth forever, it needs to be heard.' A second woman, who wished to remain anonymous, claimed that Freud abused her as a child and raped her when she was eighteen in 1978. Born in Vienna in April 1924, Clement Freud was a grandson of Sigmund Freud, the founder of psychoanalysis. Clement's elder brother was the artist Lucian Freud. A droll wit, his idiosyncratic pet food commercials with Henry the dog launched him on a long career as a television and radio personality. As well as becoming a celebrity chef, he contributed to BBC Radio 4's Just A Minute for more than thirty years and featured on shows including Have I Got News For You. Freud was Liberal MP for North East Cambridgeshire from 1973 to 1987 and was knighted in 1987. He had five children, including the TV personality, Emma, and the Public Relations guru, Matthew. Freud died at his desk aged eighty four in 2009. In a statement released in response to the first two women's claims, Mrs Freud said: 'This is a very sad day for me. I was married to Clement for fifty eight years and loved him dearly. I am shocked, deeply saddened and profoundly sorry for what has happened to these women. I sincerely hope they will now have some peace.' A statement from the Liberal Democrats called the allegations 'horrific' and said the party was 'deeply shocked and horrified by this news.'

Sir Cliff Richard will face no further action over allegations of historical sex abuse, prosecutors say. The Crown Prosecution Service said that it had 'carefully reviewed' the case and decided there was 'insufficient evidence to prosecute.' Sir Cliff said he was 'obviously thrilled that the vile accusations and the resulting investigation have finally been brought to a close.' Four men claimed that offences involving Richard had taken place between 1958 and 1983, the CPS said. In a statement, Richard said: 'I have always maintained my innocence, cooperated fully with the investigation and cannot understand why it has taken so long to get to this point.' He criticised the 'high-profile' fumbling of his case 'from day one. Other than in exceptional cases, people who are facing allegations should never be named publicly until charged,' he said. 'I was named before I was even interviewed and, for me, that was like being hung out like "live bait." It is obvious that such strategies simply increase the risk of attracting spurious claims which not only tie up police resources and waste public funds, but they forever tarnish the reputations of innocent people.' He added: 'Ever since the highly-publicised and BBC-filmed raid on my home I have chosen not to speak publicly. Even though I was under pressure to "speak out," other than to state my innocence, which was easy for me to do as I have never molested anyone in my life, I chose to remain silent.' Last year an independent investigation concluded that South Yorkshire Police should not have released 'highly confidential' information to the BBC about a planned search of Richard's home. BBC film crews, including one in a helicopter, filmed the raid in August 2014. The BBC were cleared of any wrongdoing in relation to their coverage of the raid. In a statement, South Yorkshire Police grovellingly apologised 'wholeheartedly for the additional anxiety caused' to Richard by the force's 'initial handling of the media interest' in its investigation. The force added: 'Non-recent allegations are, by their very nature, complex and difficult matters to investigate and can take a considerable amount of time. We appreciate that waiting for a conclusion will undoubtedly have caused additional distress to all those involved and we have made every effort to ensure this has been as timely as possible. However, it is in the interests of justice to investigate such matters thoroughly.' Prosecutors received the full evidence file from police on 10 May and the BBC home affairs correspondent Danny Shaw said that meant the CPS had made its decision 'quite quickly.' But he added that the CPS had been 'working alongside the police' for many months and there would now be 'serious questions for the police in particular about why this has taken so long.'

Two lawyers involved in a sex act have both admitted outraging public decency. But, whilst the man can be named as Graeme Stening, the woman cannot, for legal reasons according to the Metro. They were caught 'in the act' outside Waterloo Station during rush hour in August last year. He was due to stand trial next week but has now admitted the charge and accepted a caution. Three months after the woman barrister accepted the caution, she appealed it, claiming that she had 'not consented' to the sexual contact. Police carried out a review but decided not to prosecute due to insufficient evidence. A Scotland Yard spokesman said: 'Detectives at Lambeth CID began investigating this allegation as sexual assault. A man was interviewed under caution as part of police inquiries. He was not arrested. A file was submitted to the Crown Prosecution Service and a decision was subsequently taken by police that there was insufficient evidence of a realistic prosecution. The complainant invoked a Victim's Request for Review and the matter was reviewed by a detective superintendent who upheld the original decision that there was insufficient evidence to proceed.' Stening had been due to stand trial at Camberwell Magistrates' Court on June 23 in relation to the incident, which took place in Spur Road on August 20 last year. A spokesman for private equity firm Doughty Hanson, where Stening is an in-house lawyer, said: 'He is not commenting on this any more and wants the whole thing to move on.' Police say they are not investigating allegations of perverting the course of justice or wasting police time in relation to the alleged victim.
An X-ray technician in Central Turkey was shocked when she saw the jewellery which she owned on the X-ray image of a patient's rectum. The patient, a twenty four-year-old, was one of two thieves who allegedly broke into her house earlier that day. The unidentified X-ray technician in the Beyşehir district of Konya Province was assigned to do the imaging, after the police suspected the man they caught in the aftermath of the break-in might be hiding something up his bottom, because of his 'peculiar' walk according to the Daily Sabah. The truth was revealed when the X-ray detected two gold rings, two gold earrings and two necklaces deposited up the man's anal cavity. The technician said that she recognised the jewellery's 'specific embellishments' and was 'shocked' to learn that her own house had been broken into when she asked the police where they found the suspect up to his naughty ways. The man and his accomplice, both of whom have lengthy criminal records for theft, were very arrested following the discovery of their nefarious skulduggery.
In a genuinely horrific moment for every chap that's ever been assure 'you can't get her pregnant if she takes it up the Gary Glitter, trust me,' a woman has, reportedly, become pregnant through anal sex in case which is believed to be one of the first recorded of its kind. While it would appear to be a medical impossibility, a US doctor has spoken of his 'surprise' - no shit? - at discovering such a thing had occurred to one of his patients. Doctor Brian Steixner, Director of the Institute of Men's Health at Jersey Urology Group in Atlantic City, explained that one of his patients had a condition termed cloaca. This occurs in the womb when a female foetus' bladder, vagina and rectum do not develop normally and instead intestinal, urinal and reproductive functions are all performed from the same orifice. The woman was referred for surgery to correct this awkward affliction when she was younger, as is standard treatment for cloaca cases. However the surgery was seemingly botched, resulting in the lady's uterus being 'wrongly connected to her rectum.' Urgh. Years later, the woman became pregnant, to the surprise of Doctor Steixner and his colleagues. He told Men's Health: 'We knew about her condition and we had followed her for a decade. After doing a whole bunch of X-rays, we determined that she got pregnant from having anal sex.' The condition raised 'the urgent question' of whether a safe birth would be possible for both mother and child as she did not have a viable vaginal passage. Steiner said: 'The obgyns couldn't figure out a way to effectively deliver the baby through the rectum safely. So she had a C-section.' A happy outcome to a unique medical discombobulation.
A video of a Portuguese couple having The Sex in public while a child sat next to them has 'drawn the attention' of thousands of Internet commentator. With nothing better to do with their time, seemingly. A local police investigation has also, reportedly, been launched into the incident. Or, as the Daily Lies headlined it Cops probe couple's park sex session INCHES away from young girl. That's not the only probing going on by the look of the video. Anyway ...
Members of Led Zeppelin have appeared in court to deny 'borrowing' from another song for their 1971 hippie dirge 'Stairway To Heaven'. Guitarist Jimmy Page and singer Robert Plant are expected to give evidence at the civil case in Los Angeles. They are accused of lifting the song's opening notes from 'Taurus', a 1967 instrumental by the band Spirit. Page and Plant are being extremely sued by a trust acting for a founding member of Spirit who died in 1997. And are, obviously, not in any way motivated by sick greed. Oh no, definitely not. The case began with the jury being played various performances of both songs. In his opening statement, the plaintiff's lawyer, Francis Malofiy, said that the case could be summed up in six words, 'give credit where credit is due.' Page and Plant were both 'incredible performers, incredible musicians but they covered other people's music and tried to make it their own,' he alleged. The band's lawyer, Robert Anderson, insisted that the two men 'created 'Stairway To Heaven' independently without resort to 'Taurus' or without copying anything in 'Taurus'.' There was 'no proof' that they had even heard 'Taurus' until decades after creating 'Stairway To Heaven', said Anderson. He also claimed that the part of the song at issue - a sequence of notes in the opening bars - was a 'descending chromatic line something that appears in all kinds of songs.' Like this one, for instance. Such a 'commonplace' musical device which 'goes back centuries,' was, he claimed, 'not protected by copyright' which, in any case he argued, was not actually 'owned' by the plaintiff. As the room filled with the familiar strains of 'Stairway To Heaven', Jimmy Page leaned back and closed his eyes, his head nodding gently as he listened to his own performance and to the vocals of Plant, seated beside him at the front of the court. The two men looked relaxed and attentive, at one point pulling on their spectacles as they leaned towards each other to discuss a concert bill which had been produced in evidence. The Be-Atles (a popular beat combo of the 1960s, you might have heard of them), Elvis Presley and The Sound Of Music were all invoked in the opening statements of a trial which is scheduled to last four or five days. At an earlier hearing, US district judge Gary Klausner had ruled that the two pieces of music were 'similar enough' to let a jury decide whether Page and Plant had infringed copyright. 'Taurus', a two minute and thirty seven second instrumental with a distinct plucked guitar line, was released by Spirit in January 1968. The copyright infringement action is being taken by a trust set up to manage the legacy of the late guitarist Randy California, a founding member of Spirit who played on the same bill as Led Zeppelin later that year. He died in 1997 while saving his son from drowning. Lawyers for California's trust claim that Page and Plant wrote 'Stairway To Heaven' after hearing their client play 'Taurus' and that he should be given a writing credit. Page and Plant say the song was their masterpiece, written in a remote cottage in Wales. The plaintiff is reportedly seeking royalties and other compensation of around forty million dollars. And are, definitely, not motivated by greed. No, siree Bob.

Meat Loaf is said to be 'stable and in good condition' after collapsing on stage during a concert in Canada. Video footage from Thursday's concert in Edmonton shows the singer falling on stage during his performance. Earlier in the week Mister Loaf had cancelled shows in Moose Jaw and Calgary, saying he was ill. He was performing 'I'd Do Anything for Love (But I Won't Do That)', when he dropped his microphone and fell to the floor, video footage showed.
Status Quo guitarist Rick Parfitt is being treated by doctors in Turkey following a suspected heart attack. The sixty seven-year-old was taken to hospital in the early hours of Wednesday morning after a concert in Antalya. The band's manager, Simon Porter, said: 'Whilst his condition is serious, he has already demanded his customary cup of tea with two sugars and a sweetener.' Status Quo had been playing a gig at the Expo 2016 festival. Porter added: 'No further comment will be made at this stage until the completion of the next round of tests and assessments to be made over the next few days.'
The Northern Irish guitarist, Henry McCullough, died on Tuesday morning aged seventy two. Henry grew up in Portstewart, County Londonderry and recorded with a number of well-known musicians, most notably Sir Paul McCartney & The Wings. Henry was part of the Wings line-up from 1971 to 1973 featuring on the James Bond theme, 'Live & Let Die' and the hit single 'My Love' as well as the LPs Wild Life and Red Rose Speedway. In 1967 McCullough moved to Belfast where he joined the proto-psychedelic group The People. Later that year the band moved to London, were signed by Chas Chandler's management team and changed their name to Éire Apparent. Under Chandler's guidance they recorded several singles and toured with acts such as The Pink Floyd, Soft Machine, The Move, The Jimi Hendrix Experience and Eric Burdon & The New Animals. In Vancouver, in February 1968, while the band was touring with The Animals, McCullough suddenly returned to The United Kingdom, officially because of 'visa problems'. Back in Ireland McCullough joined what was primarily a folk group called Sweeney's Men. He later played with Joe Cocker's Grease Band at Woodstock in 1969, the only Irishman to perform there and appeared as lead guitarist on Andrew Lloyd Webber and Tim Rice's original Jesus Christ Superstar recording (1970) and on the Spooky Tooth LP The Last Puff (1970). Sir Paul McCartney said that he was 'very sad' to hear of Henry's death. 'He was a pleasure to work with, a super talented musician with a lovely sense of humour,' Macca told the BBC. 'The solo he played on 'My Love' was a classic that he made up on the spot in front of a live orchestra. Our deepest sympathies from my family to his.' Sir Van Morrison said that he was 'very sorry' to hear about McCullough's death. 'I know he had some difficult times recently, but he will be remembered for his long and productive career in music,' he said. McCullough spent eighteen months touring and recording with The Wings in the 1970s. McCullough's spoken words 'I don't know; I was really drunk at the time' can be heard on the Pink Floyd LP The Dark Side Of The Moon (1973), at the end of the song 'Money' (Floyd and Wings were both recording in Abbey Road at the time). He was recalling a fight he had the night before with his wife. In 1975 McCullough joined The Frankie Miller Band. Later the same year he released a solo LP Mind Your Own Business on George Harrison's Dark Horse label. McCullough later played as a session musician with Roy Harper, Eric Burdon, Marianne Faithfull, Ronnie Lane and Donovan. In 1977 he temporarily joined Doctor Feelgood, following the departure of Wilko Johnson.

Janet Waldo, who voiced numerous cartoon characters including Penelope Pitstop and Judy Jetson has died aged ninety six. Her daughter confirmed to ABC News that Janet had died on Sunday morning, having been diagnosed with a benign but inoperable brain tumour five years ago. Born in Washington in 1920, Janet was spotted as a student actress by Bing Crosby and signed a deal with Paramount Pictures. She appeared on shows like The Adventures Of Ozzie & Harriet and, later, on I Love Lucy and The Lucy Show. But, it was her prolific voice work for which she was best known. As well as starring in The Wacky Races, The Perils Of Penlope Pitstop and The Jetsons, Waldo also had a variety of roles in The Flintstones including Pearl Slaghoople, Fred's mother-in-law. As well as voicing Josie McCoy in Josie & The Pussycats, she also voiced Morticia Addams in a short-lived cartoon version of the TV series in 1973 and a character called Hogatha in The Smurfs during the 1980s. One of her final roles was in 1998 in the popular adult animated TV series King Of The Hill. She began acting in 1938 with small roles in several films but by the 1970s she worked almost exclusively in animation. She is survived by her sister, the composer Elisabeth Waldo Dentzel, a son, daughter and two grandchildren.
And finally, dear blog reader, astronaut Major Tim Peake - and his two colleagues - are returning to Earth this weekend. This blogger reckons, before they get here, we should all put on ape masks. You know, for a laugh. It will only work if we all do it. Pass it on.