It's October, dear blog reader. You may have noticed. And the weather has turned nasty. So, without further ado, on with the From The North bloggerisationism update.
National heartthrob David Tennant - you know him, he's been in Inside Man recently - has claimed that he is 'a little bit jealous' of the incoming Doctor Ncuti Gatwa 'starting on this exciting journey. Ncuti is brilliant,' added David, who played The Doctor between 2005 and 2010 (you knew that right). 'He's a lovely, lovely man and he's full of beans and he's really talented. I mean he's like scary-talented. So I'm thrilled for every Doctor Who fan for what's to come and I include myself in that number.' Note, please Jodie, 'Doctor Who fan' not the hateful 'W' word that you were bandying about last week! In May the BBC announced that David his very self would be reprising the role of The Doctor as part of the show's Sixtieth anniversary celebrations next year. Details are currently shrouded in secrecy, rumour and conspiracy theories (much like most things on the Interweb) but we do know that David will be reunited with Catherine Tate. Tennant has told the BBC how the reunion came about. 'It all slightly happened a little bit by accident,' he revealed. Strange as it may sound, Covid played a huge role in this happenstance. David, Catherine and Russell Davies got involved in Doctor Who: Lockdown! a series of online 'watch-alongs' and informal commentaries of previous episodes designed to pass the time during the pandemic, 'when everyone was locked in their house. That's where this all started,' explained Tennant. 'At a certain time and day everyone would press play on a certain episode and some of the people who had been involved in those episodes were tweeting along. I don't tweet but my wife helped me,' he added. Afterwards the trio were 'just having a text exchange and Catherine said, "wouldn't it be fun to do it again?" Russell said, "We could do a one-off, maybe they'd let us."' We said, "yeah that would be a laugh" and then it all went quiet.' Then, last year Big Rusty announced that he was returning as Doctor Who's showrunner. And Tennant and Tate received a surprising offer. 'Suddenly Russell let us know that he was taking over the show again and ... would we come and play a little bit for him?' adds David. 'So I don't know if we gave him the idea to take Doctor Who back but certainly we thought if he's doing it, we can't let these young people have all the fun.'
Before we see him back on-screen in Doctor Who however, yer man Tennant is returning to the stage, for the first time in five years. Next month he will star in CP Taylor's play Good, about a respectable German professor, with a Jewish best friend, who nevertheless becomes a high-ranking Nazi. 'When you look back at the historical events like what happened in Germany in the 1930s, yes there were some monsters but mostly it was a nation full of people that were as complex and different and broadly decent as most of us are,' says Tennant. 'So what happened?' The play was first performed in 1981 and in a revival at the Royal Exchange in Manchester in 2011, the Gruniad Morning Star's Lyn Gardner highlighted 'the fatal lack of dramatic tension in a play in which quite a nice man slips under with no struggle at all.' But Tennant says Good will ask the audience hard questions because 'it sort of plonks you in the middle of this awful context and it makes you wonder how you would cope yourself. One likes to think one is the true, virtuous crusading type of person. One fears one is the one that lets things slide past. [For instance] we are staring down the barrel of a terrible climate emergency, what am I really doing about that?' And staging the work, the award-winning director Dominic Cooke says he has been struck by how timeless the themes of the play are. 'What this play does is it allows you to identify with this very sort of decent, funny, charming person and watch him make compromises,' according to David. 'We all want to think that we are going to be the person that will stand up and say no when something terrible happens. But the truth is that very few of us actually do.'
David has also addressed his imminent return to the world of Doctor Who, hinting that his involvement in the Sixtieth anniversary special and/or specials won't detract from the tenure of the incoming Doctor. Ncuti was announced as the next lead of the BBC's popular long-running family SF drama in May (you might have noticed), but the news was soon followed by the shocking - and stunning - reveal that David and Cat Tate would also be heading back into the TARDIS. For a short while, at least. Though much anticipated, some commentators have expressed concern that the return of the fan favourites could detract attention from the subsequent arrival of Gatwa's Doctor, thus threatening the promised 'rebirth' of the series under Big Rusty. However, David has clarified in no uncertain terms whom the future of Doctor Who lies with. 'Ncuti Gatwa will be the next Doctor ... and that's about as much as I am prepared to say,' he told The Times in a new interview. Earlier this year, Big Rusty had plenty of fun stoking up wild fan theories, writing this intriguing piece for Doctor Who Magazine: 'A mysteriously forgotten excursion for the TARDIS in between Planet Of The Ood and The Sontaran Stratagem? Or maybe a multiverse thing, they're all the rage these days. Maybe this is The Doctor and Donna from Universe Five Five Seven, all set to collide with our own. Then again, maybe, just maybe, this return is so impossible that it’s actually an intricate illusion created by an old enemy of The Doctor's. Or maybe an old enemy of Donna's. Nerys! Of course, I wouldn't give that away in the pages of DWM, would I? But then again. This magazine is the first place I ever revealed the name of Billie Piper’s Rose (in issue three hundred and forty). So read carefully. There are truths in here.'
For now, the exact nature of Tennant's return is still up for speculation, but a commonly touted theory suggests it has something to do with the alleged 'mystery' character to be played by Neil Patrick Harris. Who may or may not by The Celestial Toymaker. Ooo, what a giveaway.
Once David has got his theatrical and Doctor Who-related malarkey out of the way, perhaps he'd like to consider a career in popular beat music? Because some of his predecessors have considerable form in that regard.
One former Doctor who will definitely not be appearing in the Sixtieth anniversary malarkey is Peter Capaldi, telling fans that he's happy with the way he departed the role. In an interview with SFX Magazine (Christ is that still going?), Peter expressed concern that cramming too many Doctors into a single episode would lead to few, if any, of them getting the screen time that fans would want. 'It's very hard to imagine how you'd get a decent crack of the whip when there's fourteen of you. So I think I'd rather leave it as is, because I loved my time on Doctor Who and loved doing it,' he said.
Sophie Aldred will be wearing her iconic bomber jacket once more in Doctor Who's upcoming BBC Centenary special, The Power Of Te Doctor. The jacket made an appearance during Aldred's initial Doctor Who run in the late 1980s. 'It's sat in my wardrobe for all these years,' she said. One hopes and trusts that it has been through the wash at least once in the meantime.
A woman who claims her boyfriend's insistence on watching vintage Doctor Who is 'ruining their relationship' has been advised to 'run for the hills.' Albeit, not advised to 'run for the hills' by anyone that you've ever heard of or, indeed, anyone with a qualification in relationship counselling. In a Reddit post filed under 'relationship advice' the anonymous - and, therefore, almost certainly fictitious - woman explains how, she claims, when she and her boyfriend first got together, he insisted that she watched 'all the classic Doctor Who episodes - in order - starting with the original doctor, William Hartnell.' She writes: 'It gets exhausting. My mind wanders, but I'm supposed to "pay attention."' And this - possibly entirely made up - tale of relationship woe constitutes 'news', apparently. Or, at least it does according to some Middle Class hippy Communist cheb at the Independent. Congratulations, Joanna Whitehead. Once upon a time, to claim to be a journalist you actually had to do some work to justify your existence. Now, seemingly, you just trawl the Interweb for rubbish like this to transcribe, put your own byline on it and get paid for it. One trusts your parents are ever so proud of you? 'Have you heard? My daughter surfs Reddit for any old horseshit she can find to copy into the Independent. Isn't that, like, the most brilliant thing ever?'
HBO has defended the latest episode of its Game Of Thrones spin-off after some viewers (ie. a handful of loud-mouthed malcontents on Twitter) whinged that it was, allegedly, 'too dark' to see what was happening on-screen. The seventh episode of House Of The Dragon - Driftmark - was released on Monday, with some of its scenes being set during the night. When it is, you know, dark. This blogger thought it was great. But, apparently, a number of people whinged about how the poor lighting meant they could not see what was going on. In response, the broadcaster said: 'The dimmed lighting of this scene was an intentional creative decision.' Tragically, they did not use the opportunity to inform those who commented that they clearly have an issue with their eyesight and a trip to the opticians might be in order. And that, perhaps, if they stopped squinting at their mobile phones all day and all night, their eyesight might, you know improve a bit. That, as they say, is an opportunity missed.
This blogger mentioned several From The North updates ago that he had contributed to a forthcoming anthology from those jolly nice people at ATB publishing, Outside In Walks With Fire: Fifty Five New Perspectives On Fifty Five Twin Peaks Stories by Fifty Five Writers. This week, this blogger's copy of this delightful book turned up at The Stately Telly Topping Manor Plague House looking all sexy and well-packaged.
Featuring contributions from the likes of Graeme Burk, David Rolinson, David R George, Susan Stanton, Stacey Smith, Matt Barber, Jason Tucker, John Wilson (whose article on The Missing Pieces is possibly this blogger's favourite bit of the book so far) Georgia Cook, the divine Goddes that is Jan Fennick, Colleen Hillerup, Rebecca Iverson and Rachel Stewart, Walks With Fire does exactly what it says on the tin. There are all manner of ways of covering an episode - from straight review to in-depth analysis, quasi fan fiction, deconstruction and some outright surrealism which fits in beautifully with the series it is commenting upon. Indeed, whilst there are dozens of these kind of books on the market - and this blogger has contributed to several in the past - never has this sort of approach to a particular TV show been as worthy of such a treatment. This blogger's piece on The Stars Turn & A Time Presents Itself (the second episode of Twin Peaks: The Return) is okay, even if he does say so himself. That said, this blogger does now rather regret not having been a bit braver in the way he approached his piece, having seen what many of the other authors did the same brief. Hopefully, Keith Telly Topping's coverage of The Aztecs in a forthcoming anthology on Doctor Who from the same publishers, Outside In Regenerates, might be considered a bit more adventurous. Might, please note.
Moving on swiftly, to From The North recommendation time, starting with a breathless, near-hyperventilating Mark Ellen interviewing Giles Martin about the forthcoming Revolver box-set. That's got to be worth thirty minutes of anyone's time. Check it our, dear blog readers, here.
Still on the subject of The Be-Atles (a popular beat combo of the 1960s, you might've heard of them), whilst we all wait - very impatiently - for the second volume of Mark Lewisohn's All These Years biography, From The North favourite Mark has been busy this week at the Bloomsbury Theatre. October 2022 is, of course, sixty years since the first record of The Be-Atles (a popular beat combo of the 1960s, you might've heard of them). 'Love Me Do' hit the chart in its first week of release. Now, in the wake of Peter Jackson's jaw-dropping Get Back and Sir Paul McCartney's eightieth birthday celebrations, Mark is presenting a new format show, screening curated riches from his incomparably massive personal archive to speed-deliver sixty two fascinating history bites about one year. Evolver 62 is sixty two vivid moments; it's The Be-Atles (a popular beat combo of the 1960s, you might've heard of them) on the launch pad, commencing countdown engines on and blast off for our huge cultural shift. Lovingly sharing items from his bulging filing cabinets, Mark guides audiences through a galaxy of real-life moments, letting authentic archival gems transport you back to where you once belonged, to see and feel (and smell) how it all was before it was. People can expect to be well informed after a single two-hour show, tugged by sixty two stories of lives, loves, laughs, drama, death, beauty and music, one incredible engaging episode after another. And you can get a couple of tasters for the show here and here and here. Splendid stuff.
Rare photos of The Be-Atles (a popular beat combo of the 1960s, you might've heard of them) performing in their early days at Liverpool's Cavern Club have been discovered. The images were taken in 1961 and show Sir Paul McCartney (MBE) and John Lennon (MBE, returned) singing, with George Harrison (MBE) on guitar and a partly-obscured original drummer Pete Best (sacked). Mark Lewisohn described the group as 'whippet-thin under-nourished lads' following their second residency in Hamburg. Lewisohn confirmed the veracity of the photos and dated them to, roughly, the first half of July 1961 - note, for example, the leather trousers and Paul's Hofner bass, so it must be post their second trip to Hamburg. However, George is still playing his Futurama; he acquired his first Gretsch sometime in the mid-to-late July and other photos taken of the band during the summer of 1961 and already in the public domain feature him playing that rather than the Futurama.
Meanwhile, Sir Ringo Starr (MBE) has cancelled several upcoming shows on his North American tour after catching Covid-19. The former Be-Atle (a popular beat combo of the 1960s, you might've heard of them), who is eighty two, had been playing a string of dates in the US and Canada with his All-Starr Band before falling ill this weekend. After cancelling two shows at the last minute, 'it has been confirmed today that Ringo has Covid and the tour will be on hold,' his spokesperson said. The drummer is reported to be 'recovering at home' and hopes to resume shows soon. Tour dates planned for this week in Saskatchewan, Alberta and British Columbia have all been cancelled. A decision has yet to be taken on upcoming shows in the US and Mexico. 'We will keep fans updated with any further news or changes,' his spokesperson told the BBC. Last year, Sir Ringo confessed that he had rarely ventured outside in the early days of the pandemic, to avoid catching Covid-19. 'Since last March, I've left the house six times,' he told USA Today last year. 'You've got to help protect yourself if you can.' Despite receiving two doses of the vaccine, he told the publication he was cautious about touring in 2021, saying: 'I don't think it'll be safe. And that's it. Living in the now.'
Which brings us, nicely dear blog readers, to everyone's favourite From The North semi-regular feature, Memorably Daft Lines from Blockbuster War & Espionage Movies of the 1960s and 70s: Number Twenty Six: Siân Phillips: 'You were in a coma. It was probably an alligator.' Peter O'Toole: 'This alligator had guns stickin' from its nostrils!' Murphy's War.
Memorably Daft Lines from Blockbuster War & Espionage Movies of the 1960s and 70s: Number Twenty Seven: Bernard Cribbins: 'Where to?' Joanna Pettet: 'Berlin.' Bernard Cribbins: 'East or West?' Joanna Pettet: 'West, of course.' Bernard Cribbins: 'Well, that's all right, then!' Casino Royale.
A twenty four carat toilet of a movie. Except for that line. And one or two others ('You do know of course that this means an angry letter to The Times?'; 'And afterwards we can run amok! Or if you're too tired, we can walk amok!'; 'Haven't by any chance seen a young lady in a green dress, have you?', 'Would that be a lady with a black bag over her head being manhandled by two unsavory gentlemens?' 'Could very well be, yes.' 'She went that way, sir. In a car!') All right, actually it's got quite a few funny lines. 'This is your mother's room. It has not been opened since the day she left here in 1916. You see. Nothing has been touched.' 'Hey, what an enormous bed!', 'The German army was very large in those days.' Okay, maybe, it's got a lot of funny lines. 'If you'd be good enough to sign here, sir. It's not for me, it's for The Official Secrets Act!' This blogger did mention that it was rubbish, though, didn't he? The tales of production chaos and Orson and Sellers refusing to be on-set at the same time are, of course, legendary.
Memorably Daft Lines from Blockbuster War & Espionage Movies of the 1960s and 70s: Number Twenty Eight: Bobby Darin: 'Hey, how you doin', buddy? As you can see, we eat very well around here. Hey, on the up and up, if there's anything you might need, I'm the guy to see around here. If I don't have it, I can get it for you.' Steve McQueen: 'Beat it.' Bobby Darin: 'Oh, excuse me. I didn't recognise you, General!' Hell Is For Heroes.
Memorably Daft Lines from Blockbuster War & Espionage Movies of the 1960s and 70s: Number Twenty Nine: Jon Voight: 'We're gonna come out of this war rich!' Alan Arkin: 'You're gonna come out rich. We're gonna come out dead!' Catch-22.
Memorably Daft Lines from Blockbuster War & Espionage Movies of the 1960s and 70s: Number Thirty: Teri Garr: 'Quick! Suck it before the venom reaches my heart!' Mike Nesmith: 'What heart?!' Head.
The best anti-war-anti-commercialisation-self-depricating-satirical-psychedelic-fourth-wall-breaking-mash-up-musical ever made. You know, in a series of ... one. Like the Jack Nicholson's script says, 'Pleasure - the inevitable byproduct of our civilisation. A new world - the only preoccupation will be how to amuse itself. The real tragedy of your time, my young friends, is that you may get exactly what you want!' It's true, you know, dear blog reader. And the same thing goes for Christmas.
Memorably Daft Lines from Blockbuster War & Espionage Movies of the 1960s and 70s: Number Thirty One: Guy Doleman: 'You won't have much time for cooking. Dalby works his men. And he doesn't have my sense of humour.' Michael Caine: 'Yes, sir. I will miss that, sir!' The Ipcress File.
As this blogger mentioned in the last From The North update, during his recent assessment meeting with the delightful Nurse Jennifer, Keith Telly Topping ending up swapping his recipe for the perfect, fluffy, three-egg mushroom omelette to his (highly trusted) health-care professional. However if truth be told dear blog reader, that wasn't actually this blogger's recipe at all, it was copied from yer man Harry Palmer. You never saw James Bond do that. It's no wonder Jean Courtney was so quick to drop her knickers when confronted with Harry's fluffy, three-egg mushroom omelette. Hence, this blogger supposes, his own interest in egg-based espionage.
Memorably Daft Lines from Blockbuster War & Espionage Movies of the 1960s and 70s: Number Thirty Two: Frank Sinatra: 'I remember ... I can see that Chinese cat standing there and smiling like Fu-Manchu saying: "The Queen of Diamonds is reminiscent in many ways of Raymond's dearly loved and hated mother ... and is the second key to clear the mechanism for any other assignment."' The Manchurian Candidate. Another twenty four carat masterpiece. The remake? Mention it not!
Plus, of course, Janet Leigh 'all dressed up like The Queen Of Diamonds'. It would take a man with nerves of steel not to appreciate such things.
Memorably Daft Lines from Blockbuster War & Espionage Movies of the 1960s and 70s: Number Thirty Three: Bill Pertwee: 'Who do you think you are?' Arthur Lowe: 'We're the Local Defense Volunteers and I'm their appointed commander, Captain Mainwaring and I must ask you to keep your hands off my privates!' Dad's Army. Not, admittedly, as consistently great as the series that it was based on but nevertheless this is still one of the more commendable TV-to-big-screen adaptations and it was a massive box office hit in the UK (reportedly the fifth biggest of 1971). It nevertheless feels like what it, conceptually, was - three decent(ish) episodes of the series strung together into a movie-length special.
Memorably Daft Lines from Blockbuster War & Espionage Movies of the 1960s and 70s: Number Thirty Four: Roger Moore: 'I mean sir, who would pay a million dollars to have me killed?' Bernard Lee: 'Jealous husbands? Outraged chefs? Humiliated tailors? The list is endless!' The Man With The Golden Gun.
The only thing wrong with The Man With The Golden Gun is that it's just about the only Bond movie in which the villain is so much more interesting than the hero. Other than that, Tom Mankiewicz's script is great as usual ('speak now or forever hold you piece!')
A teacher has said that discovering a previously lost episode of Hancock's Half Hour is 'the biggest find, probably the jackpot.' The Marriage Bureau is from the first series of the iconic 1950s radio show and is the only one to feature actor and comedian Peter Sellers. It was broadcast on The Light Programme on 8 February 1955. Richard Harrison, from Lowestoft, who buys old reel-to-reel audio tapes, was amazed to realise he had found the long-lost episode. It has been restored and will be broadcast by BBC Radio 4 on 18 October. Harrison said: 'I listened hard and thought, "This seems very fresh, I don't think I've heard it before." And in the end credits they announced Peter Sellers and that was that moment - hang on a minute, I've found this episode that's been on a wish list, a dream list really for me, for twenty years.'
The Tony Hancock Appreciation Society tweeted its members were 'absolutely delighted by the news.' Hancock was a household name in the 1950s, most famously through Hancock's Half Hour which was broadcast on BBC radio and, later, on television. They co-starred Sid James, Hattie Jacques, Kenneth Williams, Bill Kerr and Moira Lister. Sellers, the co-star of another iconic and much loved 1950s BBC radio programme The Goon Show, only appeared in The Marriage Bureau as a replacement for Kenneth Williams who was ill. Harrison, a Sixth Form College teacher and film-maker, said: 'Looking back, the only episode Peter Sellers appeared in - and it's a really good episode as well - why on Earth didn't they think well we'd better keep that one? The Goon Show was very popular at the time and you'd think, "Well it's an obvious one to keep." But tapes were reused because they were felt to be ephemeral, with no repeat value - and sometimes they couldn't be repeated without it costing [more] for contractual reasons.'
Coldplay say that they are 'extremely sorry' to have to postpone upcoming shows in Brazil, after frontman Chris Martin contracted what is described as 'a serious lung infection.' As if those poor Brazilians haven't suffered enough already. Still, it would seem that what all of our mothers once told us is true, dear blog reader. Every cloud does, indeed, appear to have a silver lining.
Rebekah Vardy is expected to pay an estimated one-and-a-half-million knicker towards Coleen Rooney's legal costs after extremely losing a defamation case earlier this year. Which, presumably, means that her husband will have to keep on banging the goals in for Leicester City for another decade to pay for her legal misadventures. Court documents show Vardy has been ordered to pay a whopping ninety per cent of Rooney's legal fees. An initial payment of eight hundred grand must be made by 15 November, the court documents said. Though they haven't said what will happen if it isn't. A lengthy spell in Debtors Escape Retreat, no doubt. Earlier this year, a High Court judge ruled in Rooney's favour following the so-called Wagatha Christie trial. The judge said of Vardy that 'significant parts of her evidence were not credible,' while adding: 'In my judgement, Ms Rooney was an honest and reliable witness.' Mrs Justice Steyn said it was 'likely' that Vardy's agent at the time, Caroline Watt, 'undertook the direct act' of passing information about Rooney to the Sun. Possibly for a significant wedge of wonga, although the Sun have strenuously denied this. There's a Mandy Rice Davies quotation which is possibly applicable at this juncture. Anyway, the judge added: 'The evidence ... clearly shows, in my view, that Mrs Vardy knew of and condoned this behaviour, actively engaging in it.' Vardy has, reportedly, suggested Rooney should donate her winnings to charity so 'some good can come of this whole embarrassing spectacle.' Whether Rooney intends to do that, or anything even remotely like it, is not known at this time. But, we can probably guess.
A new image shows that an asteroid which was deliberately struck by NASA's Dart probe has left a trail of debris stretching thousands of kilometres. A telescope in Chile captured the remarkable picture of a comet-like plume spreading behind the giant rock. The probe was crashed last week to test whether asteroids that might threaten Earth can be nudged out of the way. Scientists are working to establish whether the test was a success and the asteroid's trajectory altered. The extraordinary image was taken two days after the collision by astronomers in Chile, who were able to capture the vast trail using the Southern Astrophysical Research Telescope. It stretches for more than ten thousand kilometres and is expected to get even longer until it disperses completely and looks like other space dust floating around. At the same time some religious groups reportedly believed that the image showed The Coming Of The Lord. But, it didn't.
An early morning trip to the lavvy on Wednesday was somewhat interrupted when this blogger pulled The Stately Telly Topping Manor Plague House bathroom cord to turn the light on and the cord, along with the entire light fitting came crashing down on this blogger's somewhat startled heed. Keith Telly Topping quickly rang RepairCall (this being, like, 6.45am), waited for twenty minutes on hold with a really annoying woman's voice telling this blogger that his call was 'valuable' to them and that it would be dealt with 'as soon as possible' whilst a string quartet appeared to be playing a variant of the Psycho theme as mood music. This blogger's already frayed temper was not, at this stage, settling itself down to the long-haul. Eventually this blogger spoke to a lovely lady called Georgina who logged this as an emergency and, within three hours, a Sparky (and his young mate) were out to the gaff to replaced the knackered item. Which was good since this blogger wouldn't have fancied having the light stuck permanently on for a few days and/or weeks. His electricity bill is big enough as it is (there's a Help! joke in there for anyone that wishes to go searching for it ...)
For the latest From The North Headline of The Week award, congratulations are due to the Manchester Evening News for one of the most monumental examples of utter bullshit ever printed. It makes that Independent Doctor Who-via-Reddit story look like a World Class 'exclusive'. Stand up and take your trousers-down-caning, therefore, The Manchester Park 'Haunted' By A Magical Creature From Harry Potter That Knows Your 'Worst Fear'. No, it does not, Phoebe Barton you daft wazzock, or anything even remotely like it. One hopes that you were thoroughly ashamed to draw your wages in the week that this nonsense appeared in print.
Let's also hear it for the Nottingham Post who've, seemingly, really got their finger on the pulse of the nation via McDonald's Responds After Nick Knowles Vents About Milkshake 'Mystery'. Phil Norris, the Post's 'Network Content Editor' had now, apparently, spent several hour locked in a dark cupboard having been told to think about what he has done.
The Irish-based website Extra made the remarkable claim that Irish Woman Claims Face Of Saint Padre Pio Is In Her New Home Bannisters. Perhaps we should be asking some experts about the veracity of this claim?
On a somewhat related theme, that bastion of always accurate and reliable reportage the Daily Record excitedly informed its readers that Scots Mum 'All Shook Up' After Discovering The Face Of Elvis In A McDonald's Ketchup Pot. One wonders, at this juncture, what The King would do.
Another of From The North's favourite media organs for rank bullshit, the Daily Mirra have been at it again this week - and this time, it isn't even Doctor Who-related. Owner Left Red-Faced After Dog 'Accidentally Orders Pay-Per-View Adult Videos'. At least, dear blog reader, that's the owner's story and he's sticking to it. Please also note the Mirra's use of the phrase 'a semi-hardcore pornographic premium television channel.' Surely, that's a contradiction in terms isn't it? Porn is either softcore or it's hardcore there's no in-between. But, perhaps this blogger has said too much already?
The Aberdeen Press & Journal appear to be suggesting that The Mysterons have invaded the North of Scotland. Which this blogger finds ... plausible but, as yet, unproven.
Somerset Live, meanwhile, have what is, clearly, the most important story of the week, It Is 'Impossible' To Buy A Metal Tablespoon Anywhere In Bath. What a tragedy. The author of the piece should be aware that this blogger had got a metal tablespoon. In fact, he's got several and would be quite happy to sell one of them. For, let say, sixty quid since they are, seemingly, so far in the beautiful city of Bath. Or, the complainer could just buy one online. That's probably a bit cheaper than this blogger's offer even with postage and packing taken into consideration.
And, lastly, a genuine contender not just for the Headline Of The Week award but, indeed, the Headline Of All Time award. From the Wirral Globe, No Treasure Found In Wirral Last Year By Dectorists. Slow news day on the South side of the Mersey, was it?
This blogger tends to avoid overt political comment on this blog unless he feels he has something worth saying or unless it impacts on this blogger's specific areas of interest. So, in the past you will have read the occasional From The North rant about broadcasting policy or criminal activity in the media but very little on the general lack of competence of a succession of governments to walk in a straight line without tripping over their own feet. We tend to take that as read. However, the last week has been quite a time for those who enjoy watching smug bastards squirming as their carefully laid plans come crashing down around their ears like so much wet cardboard. We have seen, for example, the current government attempt to force through a policy of tax cuts for the country's top earners. A policy which proved to be about as popular as a fart in a spacesuit with pretty much everyone in the country - many Conservatives included - except those who would've been coining it in as a result of this policy and which has had to be abandoned amid much spectacularly public embarrassment. And also, in virtually the same breath, the Prime Minister when asked, pointedly refused to rule out the possibility of a benefit squeeze decline to take that opportunity. Something which, seemingly, caused much wailing and kicking of teeth from a plethora of Tory MPs in fear of losing their seats at the next erection. 'We are not about trying to help people with one hand and take away with another,' Penny Mordant told Times Radio when that was, pretty much exactly what the leader of her party had just said she would 'consider.' That policy, too, is unlikely to happen, because when even Jacob Rees-Mogg starts making noises of disagreement you know you're unlikely to get away with that one. Nevertheless, let's just examine this for a moment. The government - your government, dear British blog readers - have, via their leader's public statements, just basically said in two separate policy announcements 'if you're rich, we want help you and if you're poor, you can starve in the gutter for all we care.' It doesn't appear, at the moment, that they're going to be able to follow such policies through but that doesn't change the fact that this is what they proposed in the first place. And, if you're not angry about that, dear blog reader, then frankly, there doesn't appear to be much hope for you in the 'functioning human being' stakes. New polling on what the British public think of Liz Truss and her (alleged) 'running' of the country as it tumbles from one crisis to another, meanwhile, will make grim reading for the new Prime Minister. In a survey conducted earlier this week, the most common word used to describe Truss by those who expressed an opinion was 'incompetent', according to research carried out by JL Partners. A 'word cloud' of answers showed a whole host of negative replies used when talking about the Prime Minister and her abilities, following negative reactions to the tax-cutting mini-budget and the abject fiasco surrounding the possibility of benefit cuts. Respondents also suggested that the Prime Minister was 'useless', 'untrustworthy' and 'clueless'. 'Unreliable' and 'dangerous' were also among the more common answers given by those who expressed an opinion. This blogger did not take part in this particular poll, it is important to note. But, if he had, he would've used another word to describe his feelings regarding the current government and their abilities (or lack thereof) to organise a piss up in a brewery, much less run the country in anything approaching an organised, honest and fair way. The word, dear blog reader, would have been scum.
Finally, dear blog reader, Keith Telly Topping is desperately trying to work out which of the characters in this particular (fine) piece of artwork is supposed to be Richard Bradford. This blogger is guessing it's not the one in the bikini with the hands-on-hips pose and the 'will you come and get it like a Big Funky Sex Machine?' look on her mush. Cos, you know, Richard had far bigger tits than that.
