Tuesday, May 24, 2016

The Wilderness Years

Production of the forthcoming series of Doctor Who will run - as usual - for ten months when the shoot begins in a few week's time. A new post on the BBC's Careers website has advertised the position of a Floor Runner for Doctor Who at BBC Cymru Wales 'on a ten month fixed term contract/attachment.' Series ten will see Pearl Mackie join yr actual Peter Capaldi's Doctor. The first of The Lord Thy God Steven Moffat's final fourteen episodes as showrunner will be this year's Christmas episode, with the next full series of Doctor Who beginning in the spring of 2017. The last episode of The Moffainator's era is believed to be 2017's Christmas special, before the new showunner, Chris Chibnall's first series is broadcast in 2018.
TV Comedy line of last week came in Friday's episode of Have I Got News For You. Wor Geet Canny Ross Noble was responding to guest host Gary Linekar's casual comment about crime rates in the North East after Ross had mentioned that he hadn't watched Leicester City's victory parade on TV but, rather, tracked Danny Simpson's electronic tag on the Internet. 'People getting off community service,' Ross said. 'Tricky.' 'Just as well where you come from,' replied Gary to which Ross responded, after the briefest of hesitations, with: 'Yer crisps are shit!'
As The Huffington Post pointed out, another of Ross's comments was also worthy of note. 'There's been a row at the BBC over recipes on the BBC website,' Gary - who was on a very good form, as it happens - said later. 'Sources at the BBC include bolognese, carbonara and pesto, although I think he's just joined ITV.' One suspects, however, that Linekar's comment about his Match Of The Day colleague Big Al Shearer never passing when he was a player will be met with some pithy comeback by the former Newcastle legend. An elbow in mush, possibly.
And, as for the usual malarkey on this week's Countdown ...
Next ...

Comedy performance of the week, meanwhile, came from yer actual Benny Cumberbatch in BBC2's The Hollow Crown and a take on Richard III that - in a best way possible - went so far over the top he was down the other side and half-way to Bosworth Field.
Though, to be fair, in terms of scenery-chewing overacting, yer man Benny ran a very distant second to Sophie Okonedo.

Here, dear blog reader, are the final and consolidated ratings figures for the Top Twenty Six programmes, week-ending Sunday 15 May 2016 were as follows:-
1 Britain's Got Toilets - Sat ITV - 9.93m
2 Coronation Street - Wed ITV - 7.43m
3 The Eurovision Song Contest Grand Final - Sat BBC1 - 7.33m
4 EastEnders - Tues BBC1 - 6.97m
5 The Queen's Ninetieth Birthday Celebration - Sun ITV - 6.47m
6 Emmerdale - Wed ITV - 6.23m
7 Countryfile - Sun BBC1 - 5.13m
8 Antiques Roadshow - Sun BBC1 - 5.10m
9 Marcella - Mon ITV - 4.99m*
10 Undercover - Sun BBC1 - 4.91m
11 Have I Got News For You - Fri BBC1 - 4.63m
12 The Secret - Fri ITV - 4.55m*
13 In The Club - Tues BBC1 - 4.50
14 Six O'Clock News - Mon BBC1 - 4.41m
15 Peter Kay's Extremely Unfunny Comedy Shuffle - Mon BBC1 - 4.22m
16 Holby City - Tues BBC1- 4.21m
17 Let's Do It: A Tribute To Victoria Wood - Sun ITV - 4.18m*
18 The Graham Norton Show - Fri BBC1 - 4.15m
19 Gareth's Invictus Choir - Thurs BBC1 - 4.13m
20= Ten O'Clock News - Thurs BBC1 - 4.11m
20= Killer Women With Oily Twat Piers Morgan - Wed ITV - 4.11m
22 BBC News - Sun BBC1 - 3.94m
23 Gogglebox - Fri C4 - 3.87m
24 The Invictus Games - Tues BBC1 - 3.65m
25 The ONE Show - Mon BBC1 - 3.55m
26 The National Lottery: In It To Win It - Sat BBC1 -3.46m
These consolidated figures include all viewers who watched the programmes live and on catch-up during the seven days after broadcast, but does not include those who watched on BBC's iPlayer or ITV Player via their computers. On BBC2, Bake Off: Crème De La Crème was, again, the most-watched programme with 3.28 million punters. Gardeners' World was watched by 2.54 million and the latest episode of Peaky Blinders attracted 2.43 million, followed by Attenborough's Life That Glows (2.02 million), Choose The Right Puppy For You (two million viewers), Upstart Crow (1.95m), Rick Stein's Long Weekend (1.90m), Mum (1.70m), Louis Theroux: A Different Brain (1.66m), Natural World: Kangaroo Dundee (1.54m), Antiques Road Trip (1.51m) and From The North favourite Mary Beard's Ultimate Rome (1.50m). Aside from Googlebox, Twenty Four Hours In Police Custody continued as Channel Four's second highest-rated broadcast of the week (2.20 million), followed by The Supervet (2.14m), F1 Spanish Grand Prix Live (1.99m) and Indian Summers (1.62m). Channel Five's top performer was Can't Pay? We'll Take It Away! with 1.71 million. The Tube: Going Underground had 1.45m and GPs: Behind Closed Doors drew 1.38 million. The latest episode of Gotham attracted 1.07m and NCIS drew 1.04m. Sky Sports 1's most-watched programme was Live Ford Football Special with The Hamsters' game against The Scum watched by 1.18 million viewers. Gillette Soccer Special was Sky Sports News's highest-rated broadcast with four hundred and ninety thousand. On Sky Sports F1, Live Spanish Grand Prix coverage had an audience of six hundred and twenty two thousand. Midsomer Murders was ITV3's top-rated drama (eight hundred and fifty four thousand). Lewis was seen by five hundred and eighty six thousand and Foyle's War five hundred and sixty one thousand. MotoGP Highlights headed ITV4's weekly top ten with four hundred and twenty six thousand. The movies Jaws and Diamonds Are Forever had audiences of three hundred and seventeen thousand and three hundred and ten thousand respectively. Disgraceful steaming pile of disgraceful, unfunny, worthless shat, Plebs, was ITV2's most-watched programme with 1.15 million viewers. An even worse turd of a programme, Celebrity Juice, had 1.14 million whilst Britain's Got More Toilets drew eight hundred and eighty four thousand. The latest episode of drama flop Houdini & Doyle headed ITV Encore's top ten with a truly tragic sixty nine thousand viewers. For context, the two hundred and ninety sixth repeat of an old episode of Agatha Christie's Poirot was watched by a mere six thousand less viewers than Houdini & Doyle. BBC4's Hinterland had an audience of six hundred and eighty seven thousand in a top-ten list which also included both Eurovision Song Contest Semi Finals (six hundred and forty one thousand and five hundred thousand respectively), Timeshift: Magnificent Machines (four hundred and seventy three thousand) and The Silk Road (four hundred and sixty nine thousand). Doris Day: Virgin Territory attracted four hundred and fifty nine thousand and Venice drew four hundred and sixteen thousand. Sky1's weekly top-ten was headed by worthless pile a revolting phlegm A League Of Their Own Roadtrip (1.24 million, every single one of whom need to have a jolly good look at themselves in the mirror, frankly), Modern Family (nine hundred and seven thousand) and The Flash (nine hundred and three thousand). Sky Atlantic's list was topped, of course, by the latest Game Of Thrones (2.41 million, the highest-rated multichannel audience of the week). The Monday repeat of the popular fantasy drama's previous episode had 1.24 million. The opening part of the much-trailed Billions was watched by five hundred and forty five thousand, Penny Dreadful was seen by four hundred and fifty five thousand, Thornecast, by four hundred and forty seven thousand and The Tunnel by two hundred and eighty nine thousand. On Sky Living, Criminal Minds drew eight hundred and five thousand, Blindspot had eight hundred and three thousand and both Elementary, and The Blacklist, were seen by seven hundred and thirty eight thousand. Sky Arts' broadcast of The Shadows Final Tour had an audience of sixty six thousand. 5USA's The Mysteries Of Laura - recently cancelled in the US, of course - was watched by five hundred and seventy seven thousand viewers. NCIS drew three hundred and seventy seven thousand. NCIS also topped the weekly top tens of FOX - the latest episode of series thirteen attracting nine hundred thousand punters - and CBS Action (one hundred and twenty thousand) and featured in the Universal Channel's list (eighty thousand) as well as Channel Five's. Aside, from NCIS, FOX's list also included 11.22.63 (two hundred and fourteen thousand), American Dad! (one hundred and seventy five thousand) and Family Guy (one hundred and five thousand). On CBS Action, JAG was seen by ninety seven thousand. The Universal Channel's top ten was headed by Law & Order: Special Victims Unit (two hundred and twenty eight thousand), Chicago Med (one hundred and sixty nine thousand), Second Chance (one hundred and forty seven thousand) and Bates Motel (eighty eight thousand). On Dave, the home of witty banter, Qi XL was the highest-rated broadcast with three hundred and twenty two thousand punters. That was followed by Have I Got A Bit More News For You (three hundred and thirteen thousand), Would I Lie To You? (three hundred and eleven thousand), Storage Hunters UK (two hundred and ninety two thousand) and Top Gear (two hundred and fifty two thousand). Drama's Inspector George Gently was watched by four hundred and fifty two thousand viewers. New Tricks had four hundred and twenty nine thousand. Alibi's highest-rated programme was Castle (four hundred and thirty seven thousand), followed by Death In Paradise (three hundred and sixteen thousand), Quantico (two hundred and forty eight thousand) and Murdoch Mysteries (two hundred and four thousand). The latest episode of Yesterday's repeat run of Open All Hours was watched by two hundred and seventy five thousand. On the Discovery Channel, the start of a new series Wheeler Dealers - the popular car restoration programme's thirteenth - was seen by an audience of three hundred and twenty nine thousand punters. Marooned With Ed Stafford continued with one hundred and fifty eight thousand and Deadliest Catch had one hundred and forty five thousand viewers. Junkyard Empire drew ninety seven thousand. Discovery History's War Digs With Harry Harris topped the weekly-list with twenty thousand viewers. On Discovery Science, How Do They Do It? attracted twenty six thousand viewers. Discovery Turbo's most-watched programmes was another - older - episode of Wheeler Dealers (forty two thousand). National Geographic's top ten was headed by Car SOS which had one hundred and nineteen thousand viewers. On The History Channel, Black Sails attracted eighty six thousand. UFO Files on Military History had forty one thousand. Evil Online and Hostage: Deadly Demands were ID's top-rated programmes of the week (fifty eight thousand and forty seven thousand viewers respectively). The Jail: Sixty Days In headed CI's list (ninety thousand). The latest episode of GOLD's repeat run of Mrs Brown's Boys attracted two hundred and forty five thousand. Comedy Central's largest audience of the week was for The Middle (two hundred and twelve thousand). Your TV's Killer Kids had eighty thousand viewers. On More4, The Good Wife was viewed by seven hundred and thirty four thousand whilst E4's latest episode of The Big Bang Theory drew 2.38 million punters (beaten only by Game Of Thrones as the largest multichannels audience of the week). The Horror Channel's broadcast of The Vatican Tapes attracted one hundred and thirty nine thousand viewers. Planet Earth had thirty one thousand on Eden. Tanked was the Animal Planet's most watched programme with seventy nine thousand. On W, Criminal Minds: Beyond Borders was seen by four hundred and thirteen thousand. Heartbeat was TLC's most-watched programme (eighty five thousand).

Matt LeBlanc has described claims that he is 'at war' with his Top Gear co-presenter Chris Evans as 'a big load of bullshit' and criticised the 'ruthlessness' of the British press. The new-look show will return to BBC2 on Sunday amid tabloid reports that the two main presenters do not get on and a sometimes troubled production which has seen senior executives depart and a hasty apology after LeBlanc was filmed doing doughnuts near London's Cenotaph. 'All this stuff that Chris and I are at war with each other is a big load of bullshit. We've never had a rift,' LeBlanc told the new issue of Radio Times. 'I'm a true car fan, Chris is a true car fan. We're hanging out, having a laugh, doing our best. He is an extremely smart guy. I'd beat him in a race, though – and you can tell him I said that.' Hired by the BBC to co-present the show with Evans following Jezza Clarkson, Richard Hammond and James May's departure last year, LeBlanc said: 'I didn't anticipate the ruthlessness of the British press. I know it's a big show but hey, we're not cowboys, it's all meticulously planned, permission granted, in writing. I didn't fire those guys. I've met them. They're nice guys. I'll watch their new show. I wasn't there when any of it went down. It's not my fault they’re gone. I didn't put a gun in anyone's mouth.' Evans has also come in for criticism, recently hitting out at the 'weasels and malcontents' whom, he said, 'wanted to see the show fail.' Speaking about an incident in which he was sick after one high-speed journey with motor racing driver Sabine Schmitz, Evans said: 'I don't know if you've ever been driven around at really high speeds but when you are, it's difficult. I was sick. The next week a Top Gun pilot was sick as well, so I'm in good company.' Evans said that he would have had to give up TV if he had turned down the opportunity to present Top Gear. 'When I got the call last summer, I took half-an-hour to think about it before I said yes,' he said. 'It's the biggest TV show in the world, watched by three hundred and fifty million people, the most illegally downloaded show on the planet. I couldn't say no really. Well, if I had, it would have meant giving up on making TV programmes.' Of his co-presenter LeBlanc, Evans said: 'Matt is a brilliant driver. Really on it, gung-ho. I love cars, but I've never raced. I've gone over two hundred mph, but for me cars are more about the aesthetic. Matt can take an engine to pieces and put it back together again blindfolded. I can't do that.' 'Chris is more about the aura of cars, the mystique,' said LeBlanc. 'I'm more technical. I've always been fascinated by how these inanimate objects harness this explosion. The internal combustion engine is an amazing thing. Plus, I inject comedy. That's my background. I'm always pitching jokes.' LeBlanc added: 'I'm not going to pretend I do all my own stunts. I do as much as I'm comfortable with. When it gets really crazy, I have a stunt driver. That's no secret. Insurance companies are involved. If something calls for real precision driving, I let someone else do it.' The show's popular Star in a Reasonably Priced Car segment will be replaced with Star in a Rallycross Car, which will feature a new car and a new track. The recording of the opening episode even got a good write-up from the notoriously hostile Gruniad Morning Star; albeit some of the risible Middle Class hippy Communists at the full-of-its-own-importance newspaper still can't resist sneering articles about yer man Clarkson.

Sir Lenny Henry - last, briefly, funny in 1983 - and Roy Hudd have joined the cast of Broadchurch series three. The pair will join for the third, and final, series although ITV will not disclose who they will be playing. The broadcaster has already announced that Julie Hesmondhalgh, Georgina Campbell, Sarah Parish, Charlie Higson and Mark Bazeley will play 'significant roles' in the eight-part series which will will deliver a brand new case for David Tennant and Olivia Colman's characters, Miller and Hardy. Filming on the series began in Dorset this week. Andrew Buchan and Jodie Whittaker will also reprise their roles as Mark and Beth Latimer. The series will see the detectives investigate a serious sexual assault and its consequences as the drama's Dorset community comes under scrutiny. Yer actual Arthur Darvill will also return to play vicar Paul Coates, along with Carolyn Pickles as newspaper editor Maggie Radcliffe and Adam Wilson as Ellie's son, Tom. 'This is the final chapter of Broadchurch,' said creator Chris Chibnall who will take over as showrunner on Doctor Who in 2017. 'We have one last story to tell, featuring both familiar faces and new characters. I hope it's a compelling and emotional farewell to a world and show that means so much to me.' The third series will be directed by Paul Andrew Williams, Daniel Nettheim and Lewis Arnold. Filming will take place over the summer in Bridport, West Bay and Clevedon, the same locations featured in series one and two.
And now, dear blog reader ...
The BBC should cut back on long-running shows, according to a full-of-his-own-shit ITV boss. Though what the blithering fek that has to do with him is a question probably well worth asking at this juncture. Maybe, if he concentrated on his own programmes and their quality - or lack of it - instead of whinging about what the BBC makes, he wouldn't have recently taken over a channel that had just produced disastrous flops likes Jekyll & Hyde, Houdini & Doyle and Beowulf. Just sayin'. While Kevin Lygo claims that he 'backs the originality' of the BBC's programming - one or two people even believed him - he argues that the broadcaster should 'prioritise new talent' instead of overwhelming their schedules with well-established brands. And, this,please note, is from ITV who's biggest shows are The X-Factor (established in 2004), Britain's Got Toilets (2007), I'm A Z-List Former Celebrity Desperate To Get My Boat-Race Back On TV ... Please Vote For Me To Stay Here As Long As Possible (I'll Even Eat Worms If You Want) (2002), Emmerdale (1972) and Coronation Street (1960). Is it time for another round of How Ironic Is That? on Qi this week?
This crap would mean that less episodes of shows like Casualty, Countryfile and Antiques Roadshow, Lygo suggested. 'You could argue, yes they're brilliant - but do [they] have to have them on thirty or forty weeks a year?' this odious snitching shit scum weaselled to Broadcast magazine. 'If they were on half as much, it would create the space and the money and the opportunity to do new shows.' The director of television's comments were made off the back of the government's White Paper, which questioned the 'distinctiveness' of the BBC. Whatever that means. Lygo went on to reason that long-running shows were 'more effective' for commercial channels - like ITV. 'On ITV, if we get a hit like The Chase, it's completely understandable and appropriate that we put the foot to the floor and run it for as long as we can. You could argue the BBC need not be quite so focused on that consistent delivery and could try new and interesting things with new and interesting people.' Ah, worthless gobshite hypocrites. Don't you just lurv 'em the mostest, baby?
Labour peer David Puttnam has praised the Prime Minister and the Chancellor for 'seeing off an ideological agenda' regarding the BBC in this month's White Paper. In what will widely be interpreted as a criticism of the lack of culture secretary the vile and odious rascal (and coward) Whittingdale, Puttnam told The Media Show on Radio 4 that there had been an attempt to 'impose an ideological agenda' on the corporation. 'I think there was an attempt to run an ideological agenda that, I think, has failed,' he said. 'I put that absolutely to the credit of the Chancellor and Prime Minister. I think [they] saw off an ideological agenda.' There was a degree of relief for the BBC and its supporters earlier this month when a number of measures which had been floated in the press before the White Paper's publication, such as restrictions on scheduling and top-slicing of the licence fee, did not appear in the final document. However, Puttnam said that parliament would 'severely' oppose plans for the government to appoint four directors on a new BBC board, in addition to the chair and deputy chair. 'I think the idea of four of the board being appointed by the government is a dreadful idea,' said Puttnam, who is charing an inquiry into public service broadcasting. 'I just think it makes no sense. I'm not just saying this as a Labour peer: don't forget my party could just as easily be in power and I would be saying exactly the same thing. If it did happen it would unquestionably have a chilling affect on broadcasting. The public, quite legitimately, are quite suspicious of the way board appointments occur. It would be very, very severely challenged in parliament. This is not going to go away, this is not going to be brushed under the carpet. I think it will end up being major issue in parliament and, I know for a fact, there are many many Conservatives, people who I like a lot, who will oppose this bitterly.' He added that if the government exerted too much control over who ran the BBC, the corporation could end up like Italian state-owned broadcaster RAI, where the organisation's leadership is replaced with each change in government. 'If we even begin to countenance that kind of interference,' he said, 'it's game over.'

The FA Cup final got off to a rather awkward start on Saturday during the pre-match entertainment. Singer Karen Harding (no, me neither I'm afraid. She's an X Factor-type person, I'm reliably informed) was set to sing the national anthem before the match between The Scum and Crystal Palace at Wembley (The Scum won, just in case you missed it). As the music started, though, it appeared that Harding had missed her cue, as the stadium sang the first lines of 'God Save the Queen' without her. Harding then picked it up for the last few lines. Twitter was, as ever, quick to catch-on to her mishap. As though anybody actually gives a flying toss was some arsewipe on Twitter thinks. About anything. Karen herself also took to Twitter shortly after the event, blaming 'technical difficulties' for the error. She described herself as 'mortified. Biggest audience of my life and I get technical difficulties!' She also posted a video of how the anthem would have sounded had things gone to plan. And again, let us just stand up and salute the utter, mind-numbing crap that some people chose to care about.
David Ginola's surgeon says that he is 'extremely lucky to be alive' after undergoing emergency heart surgery on Thursday. Ginola was taking part in a charity football match in Mandelieu on the South coast of France when he suddenly collapsed to the ground in cardiac arrest. He was transferred by helicopter to the Monaco Heart Centre for quadruple heart bypass heart surgery and he is now, thankfully, recovering. Monaco Heart Centre's heart specialist Gilles Dreyfus has told BBC News: 'Fortunately there was one person [at the ground] who had been trained in CPR, because otherwise he would have been brain dead. They then called the emergency services, who arrived eight minutes later with him in cardiac arrest. 'I was speaking to the captain and he was telling me the girl who was in the ambulance only knew where the football field, which isn't an official one but a private one, was because she had seen it that morning and asked somebody what it was. If she hadn't then most likely she would not have found it within the timeframe to save him. Luckier, you can't be. It's an unbelievable story.' Ginola has also updated fans on his condition, tweeting: 'Hello world, never slept better. I'm fine, just need to rest a bit. Thank you so much all of you for your magnificent support.' Ginola played for several clubs in France and had three-and-a-half years at Paris Saint-Germain before he moved to England. He had two seasons at yer actual Keith Telly Topping's beloved (though, even in them days unsellable) Newcastle United where he became a cult favourite, followed by two years at Snottingtot Hotshots, before seeing out his playing career with less successful and brief stints at Aston Villains and The Everton Toffees. Ginola won seventeen caps for France between 1990 and 1995, scoring three goals for his country. Since retiring in 2002, Ginola has worked in acting and punditry, giving his football opinions to the BBC and BT in the UK, and Canal+ in his native France.

Meanwhile, speaking of former footballers, Frank Lampard was reportedly jeered by his own fans as his New York City side were humiliated seven-nil by New York Red Bulls. Which, let's face it, is pretty funny. And, for Frank, it makes a novel change from being jeered by Moscow Chelski FC fans. Or, indeed, his wife being jeered by ... pretty much everyone who ever watched Daybreak. Lampard, thirty seven, was making his first appearance of the season in the very week it was revealed that he earns six million dollars - more than the entire Red Bulls squad put together. So, that would appear to be two members of the Lampard family who not only get their money for nothing but are, also, curiously orange. Three, if you count old Frank. Although, to be fair, that might be rust.
The Scottish Football Association has said that it is 'shocked and appalled' by scenes of disorder which followed Hibernian's historic victory over Glasgow Rangers in the Scottish Cup final at the weekend. Fans spilled on to the pitch after the Edinburgh side beat the Ibrox club three-two with a goal in injury time. Rangers said that some of their players and staff were assaulted. The club has condemned what it described as the 'disgraceful behaviour of Hibs fans.' The SFA said that a full investigation into the crowd trouble would be carried out. Police Scotland described the behaviour of some fans as 'totally unacceptable and inexcusable.' The force said a 'dedicated investigation team' was being set up to identify those involved in acts of disorder and violence and, presumably, given them a good hard kick in the knackers. Hibs chairman Rod Petrie told BBC Scotland what happened was 'deeply disappointing.' A late header from David Gray saw Hibernian end their one hundred and fourteen-year wait to lift the Scottish Cup. And, here is a picture of police horses pushing back the jubilant Hibs fans. The last time Hibs won the Scottish cup, dear blog reader, horses had not yet been invented. And, neither had high visibility jackets. Or photography, for that matter.
FIFA's acting secretary general, Markus Kattner, has been very sacked after being accused of paying himself bonuses worth millions of knicker. FIFA said that an investigation 'uncovered breaches of fiduciary responsibilities.' The forty five-year-old German took over as acting general secretary after Jerome Valcke was extremely sacked for irregularities. The dismissal is 'not connected' to the payment made to Michel Platini by former president Sepp Blatter in 2011. Former FIFA vice president Platini and Blatter were last year found extremely guilty of ethics breaches over the two million Swiss Franc 'disloyal payment.' UEFA president Platini, resigned from European football's governing body after failing to have a six-year ban from football overturned. Blatter is still waiting to hear the outcome of his own appeal to the Court of Arbitration for Sport. Valcke was given a twelve-year ban from all football in February for his alleged involvement in a scheme to profit from the sale of World Cup tickets. Kattner joined FIFA in 2003 as director of finance, becoming deputy secretary general in 2007. His salary and bonuses were part of a contract that was unseen by relevant FIFA committees. No other current FIFA directors are believed to be involved.

Multiple male students from South Fort Myers High School are believed to have had sex with a fifteen-year-old female in a campus bathroom after school ended last Tuesday according to media reports. Principal Melissa Layner reported the incident to the Lee County Sheriff's Office's school-based deputy, Jarrod Cantrell, the following morning. Using footage captured from a hallway camera, Cantrell 'observed twenty five male students go inside the restroom over the time-frame of the female being inside the restroom,' an LCSO report states. Layner spoke with the female student, who 'confirmed that she had sex with a number of willing males.' Because of the female's age, the special victims unit was called in, and the incident was reported to the Florida Abuse Hotline. With parent permission, detectives took a student's cell phone for evidence and sworn statements were taken from some of the male students. When asked how students were disciplined as a result of this situation, Lee schools' spokeswoman Amity Chandler said, 'We are not going to discuss discipline in any capacity, including numbers.' South Fort Myers' principal sent a message to parents shortly after one o'clock on Friday explaining that she cannot speak about student discipline with the media or parents of other students. However, she said student discipline was 'dealt quickly. The incident this week should not be a reflection on our combined efforts, administration, students, and teachers, to keep our building and students secure and safe,' Layner wrote. 'Providing our students cooperate with the expectations articulated to them each day, our school is a safe place for student learning and after school activities.' South Fort Myers is home to nearly two thousand students, the principal wrote. How the incident could occur on campus without staff knowing has been a talking point for many in the community. But as Chandler explained, while safety concerns fall on the school's shoulders if there is an organised event on campus, students still have expectations for how to behave while on school grounds. 'I think parents understand that we cannot control the behaviours of every student and, when students enter campus, they are entering into a relationship with school administrators where they are expected to adhere to some norms and some rules,' Chandler said. 'And these students did not do that. High schools have all sorts of after-school activities — sports, clubs, tutoring.' While she would not pinpoint why the different students were on campus after hours, she said that South Fort Myers students involved in 'extracurricular activities' — athletic or otherwise — participate in a study hall during the time-frame for when the bathroom activities took place. No staff members have been disciplined.

A couple were reportedly arrested for having sex while watching the Batman Versus Superman film at the cinema. The pair 'got carried away' during Hollywood superhero blockbuster Batman Versus Superman: Dawn Of Justice and were 'confronted by staff' at the showing in Manchester city centre this week. While 'being spoken to,' the male member of the couple punched a member of staff in the face and police were then called. The man was arrested for 'outraging public decency' and assault and the woman for outraging public decency. Both are understood to have been drinking alcohol. That's not the reason they decided to go and see Batman Versus Superman, of course, though the fact that they decided to have a quicky during the movie doesn't say much for Zack Snyder's film and its ability to interest audiences.
KPHO television journalist Jonathan Lowe was on assignment on Monday - covering a story about a former Arizona State University football player who was alleged to have sacrificed his family's dog in a fit of religious rage - when nature called, the Phoenix New Times reports. 'Lowe chose to use the front yard of a residence to relieve himself,' Arizona police spokeswoman Lisa Kutis told the news site. 'An onlooker from across the street called it in to officers. They approached him, he said that he'd had to relieve himself and they arrested him.' According to Lowe's KPHO report, police arrested the former Arizona State University football player Patrick Zane Thompson after he became 'irate' with the shirt his seventeen-year-old daughter was wearing and burned it in a large barbecue cooker at his home. Thompson said he had a 'vision' earlier in the day something bad would happen to his family and he believed his daughter's shirt was demonic, according to the report. 'When Thompson went back into the house, he got more erratic and told his family, in front of his four minor children, that he needed to make a sacrifice of a male,' Lowe wrote. 'According to the victims, Thompson stated it had to be either himself, his first-born six-year-old son or the family dog – a small, white poodle weighing about fifteen pounds.' What Lowe did mention in his story was the fact that he was also arrested for shitting in Thompson's front yard. According to the New Times: 'Goodyear police have not released the arrest report,' but they added that the department confirmed a 'citation for defecation' was issue to Lowe. Kutis said that the arrest took place and that at the time various media outlets had been 'in the neighbourhood of the home where the dog incident took place.' The New Times contacted Lowe's news director, Dan Wilson, about the arrest, but Wilson 'declined to discuss' what he described as 'a personnel issue.' Wilson also provided an excuse for why the news site did not report on Lowe's run in with the law. 'Without a police report, we are waiting to make editorial decision based on more information, and so we're looking for that information,' Wilson said. Lowe was booked at the Goodyear Police station and cited with violating a Goodyear code prohibiting 'public urination or defecation,' which is a misdemeanour that carries a potential penalty of six months in the big House and a two thousand dollar fine. Thompson, meanwhile, faces multiple charges including animal cruelty, assault, threats against his family and tampering with evidence. And, being a bit mental. Probably. It was later announced that Lowe had been extremely fired by KPHO.

A man stripped naked and jumped into a lion enclosure at a zoo in Chile in an apparent suicide attempt, forcing staff to shoot dead two of the lions. Attention seeker. I mean, you've got to think there might, just, be easier ways of topping oneself than that. The twenty-year-old man, said to be 'suffering mental problems' (no shit?) was 'seriously very injured' after being mauled by the lions. The zoo in Santiago was crowded with visitors, some of whom saw the attack. 'Animal rights activists' have condemned the shooting of the lions, but the zoo said that its priority was the man's life - even if his priority, seemingly, wasn't - and it had 'no fast-activating tranquillisers.' Santiago Metropolitan Zoo director Alejandra Montalba said that she believed the man forced his way through the roof of the enclosure, jumped in and then took off his clothes. Montalba said the zoo had an 'established protocol' and acted to save the man's life, adding that staff were 'deeply affected' by the deaths of the lions, a male and a female. Local media reported that a suicide note was found among the man's clothing and that some witnesses had heard him 'shout religious proclamations.' From the Book of Daniel, one supposes.
Burt Kwouk, best known for playing Inspector Clouseau's manservant, Cato Fong, in the Pink Panther films, has died aged eighty five. He appeared in seven of the Pink Panther movies opposite Peter Sellers as Clouseau's servant who regularly attacked his employer to keep him alert, starting with 1964's A Shot In The Dark. Burt also starred in the BBC sitcom Last Of The Summer Wine from 2002 to 2010. Born in Manchester but raised in Shanghai, the actor was awarded an OBE in the 2011 New Year Honour List. A statement issued by his agent said: 'Beloved actor Burt Kwouk has sadly passed peacefully away. The family will be having a private funeral but there will be a memorial at a later date.' On the big screen Burt also appeared in three James Bond films - Goldfinger, You Only Live Twice and the spoof Casino Royale (opposite his friend Sellers). As one of Britain's best known actors of Chinese extraction, Burt had a long TV career, appearing in numerous shows including Hancock's Half Hour, The River Flows East, The Sentimental Agent, Howard's WayShirley's World, The Velvet Glove, The Avengers, The Saint, The Champions, Shoestring, The House Of ElliottWarship, It Ain't Half Hot Mum, The Troubleshooters, The Tomorrow People, The Kenny Everett Television Show, Callan, Danger Man and Doctor Who (1982's four-parter Four To Doomsday). He played Major Yamauchi in the 1980s wartime television drama Tenko, narrated the BBC's imported Japanese dramas The Water Margin and Monkey and was a regular on The Harry Hill Show. He also gained something of a cult following when he presented Channel Four's interactive show Banzai from 2001 to 2004. Burt went to the United States to study and, in 1953, graduated from Bowdoin College. The Kwouk family's fortune had been lost in the 1949 Chinese revolution and in 1954 Burt returned to Britain, where a girlfriend 'nagged me into acting.' One of Kwouk's earliest film roles was in The Inn of the Sixth Happiness (1958) where he played the leader of a prison revolt who later aids the main character in heroically leading orphans to safety. Burt married Caroline Tebbs in Wandsworth in 1961. Their son, Christopher, was born in 1974. Burt was appointed an OBE in 2011 for services to drama.


Mark said...

Got to say, all hypocrisy aside, I do think Lygo has a point re Casualty. 40 odd episodes per series is way too much and the consistency of those eps are seriously screwed. The show hasn't been any cop for some time, even though it's still a solid ratings draw, and I do think it's a real shame that Saturday night is so dominated by the same building blocks of Lottery and Casualty. I'd halve the number of eps per series and bring in a new precinct drama as a stablemate and force the production to up its game a little. Cuffs wasn't great granted, but Wednesday night was an iffy timeslot. If they'd have put it on on Saturday nights it might have been a different story. But yeah, it's got eff all to do with Lygo really and a fair cheek that he still banks on anything the Cash Cow-ell produces

mezzaninedoor said...

I agree that Casualty needs to heighten its quality, its odd as I watch both with one eye as my Wife watches them and how is Holby so much better than Casualty. It just seems to have better characters.

Things I would like to see dissapear from the BBC are the really aspirational money tree things like Homes Under the Hammer and Escape to the Country.

Free up more money for more episodes in the quality shows like Doctor Who, HIGNFY, QI and thos brilliant BBC2 dramas Wolf Hall, Peaky Blinders.