Tuesday, January 01, 2013

Running Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday

2012 was obviously a jolly bad year for young pop singer Ellie Goulding judging by the girl's appearance the BBC's New Year's Eve Top of the Pops. The poor lass doesn't appear to be able to afford any pants. What do you think, dear blog reader. Should someone get on to Wee Shughie McFee, the sour-faced Scottish chef off Crossroads and ask him if he can organise something like a Trousers Aid record for 2013 with all his tuneful and photogenic X Factor protégés? Yer actual Keith Telly Topping would certainly consider buying it. For about five seconds.
Initial overnight audience figures suggest a peak of 12.9m people watched a firework display from London to see in the New Year on BBC1. The Graham Norton Show also achieved an all-time high rating for its New Year's Eve episode. Norton's chat show smashed the previous record set in June by three hundred thousand punters with 4.51m tuning-in from 10.30pm. Even more remarkably, two million viewers joined the programme between the start and 11.45pm. Afterwards New Year's Live, which brought in 2013 with loads of fireworks and Big Ben's chimes, averaged 10.3m with a peak of just under thirteen million around five minutes into the New Year. Earlier Celebrity Mastermind was watched by 5.28m at 6.30pm, and Top of the Pops - with the tragically pantless Ellie Goulding - had an audience of 3.17m. On ITV, gormless unfunny bellowing Northern buffoon Paddy McGuinness's 2012 retrospective, A Funny Old Year, was predictably shit, dear blog reader, and - satisfyingly - mustered a thoroughly rotten 2.41m from 9pm, while Alan Carr's New Year's Specstacular entertained 1.78m on Channel Four. In the battle of the soaps, EastEnders was watched by 6.32m on BBC1 whilst Emmerdale achieved 5.98m and two episodes of Coronation Street pulled in 6.85m and 6.58m respectively. On BBC2, Jools' Annual Hootenanny brought in the New Year with 2.35m viewers.

Renowned physicist Professor Stephen Hawking is set to appear in the latest Go Compare advert - and hurtle the comanay's much-hated tenor into a black hole. The former Lucasian professor at mathematics at Cambridge is the latest celebrity to star in the website's adverts - where well-known figures plot to destroy the fictitious opera singer Gio Compario. The advert, which will be shown for the first time on New Year's Day, sees the seventy-year-old announce to a packed lecture theatre that he has discovered how to generate a super massive black hole. When asked what he will do with the knowledge, the scene cuts to the opera singer - played by Wynne Evans - haranguing a couple in the street before a black hole forms behind him and sucks him in. The wheelchair-bound scientist is then shown laughing. Professor Hawking, now director of research at Cambridge's Centre for Theoretical Cosmology, said: 'I confess I am a fan of the Go Compare adverts, but I am also an opera fan, so I was delighted to be given the opportunity to help save the nation and silence Gio. I hope the public find it as funny as I did.' Stephen joins a list of celebrities who have starred in the adverts this year which show people attempting to do away with the moustachioed tenor. A Question Of Sport host Sue Barker, former footballer Stuart Pearce, survival expert Ray Mears and camp dancer Louie Spence have all featured.

Despite being the most common form of cancer in men and the fourth most common cancer overall, prostate cancer lies twentieth in the 'league table' of annual cancer research spend per case diagnosed, new figures show. Breast cancer – the most common female cancer which has a similar death rate to prostate cancer – received more than double the annual research spend with four hundred and seventeen quid per case diagnosed compared to eight hundred and fifty three knicker. Leukaemia receives the most research funding, from Government and charities combined, per case diagnosed at three thousand nine hundred and three notes, followed by ovarian cancer and and cancers of the brain and central nervous system. Breast cancer is seventh in the table, behind myeloma, testicular cancer and cervical cancer. The figures were published by Prostate Cancer UK to mark the launch of a new fund-raising campaign, The Sledgehammer Fund, fronted by actor Bill Bailey. Prostate cancer kills one man every hour and is predicted to become the most common cancer of all in the UK by 2030. Bill, whose father-in-law has survived prostate cancer, is determined to help Prostate Cancer UK expose the scale of the disease, and the fact it has suffered a legacy of underfunding and ignorance. He said: 'I feel very strongly about this. I read a news article about the number of men affected by prostate cancer and I was shocked by the figures. I had no idea it was so common – but, if caught early enough, can be successfully treated. My father-in-law was diagnosed with prostate cancer, treated, and now leads a fulfilling life so it can be done – but over ten thousand men every year in the UK are not so lucky.'

A mouse made a surprise appearance during a live weather forecast on BBC Three Counties radio. Weather presenter Kate Kinsella said the rodent appeared at the top of her computer screen before falling onto her keyboard in front of her when she was live on-air during presenter Iain Lee's programme. She said: 'Even my professionalism could not manage to hold in the shriek that inevitably followed.'
Two things which all students love almost as much as avoiding work and not washing are daytime quiz show Countdown and the word 'minge.' And, when you put those things together you have some potential gold.
Test Match Special commentator Christopher Martin-Jenkins has died of cancer at the age of sixty seven. Martin-Jenkins joined the BBC in 1970 and commentated on his first match, a one-day international, in 1972. In 1973 he succeeded Brian Johnston as the BBC's cricket correspondent, a post he then held until 1991, with a four-year break between 1981 and 1984. He was cricket correspondent of the Daily Torygraph from 1991 to 1999 and of The Times from 1999 to 2008. His colleague Jonathan Agnew paid tribute to his friend. 'CMJ, as he was widely known, was one of cricket's most respected writers and broadcasters,' said Agnew, the BBC's current cricket correspondent. 'With modern media now preferring the views and experiences of former Test match cricketers, Christopher's authority and respect was not gained from a high-profile playing career, but a deep-rooted love of the game linked to a strong protective instinct which helped him earn the most coveted position of president of the MCC. Listeners to Test Match Special were all too familiar with CMJ's eccentricities - like going to the wrong ground for the start of a Test match. His legendary, chaotic time-keeping was very much part of his charm. Considering the years he worked as editor of The Cricketer magazine, and as correspondent for the BBC twice, the Daily Telegraph and The Times and forty years commentating on Test Match Special and the many books he wrote, it is doubtful that anyone has contributed more in a lifetime to the overall coverage of cricket than Christopher Martin-Jenkins.' Former England captain Sir Ian Botham tweeted: 'Very sad to hear of the death of "The Major", Christopher Martin-Jenkins. Our thoughts are with the family. A true gentleman.' Test Match Special producer Adam Mountford said: 'CMJ was one of the voices of the English summer - a true gentleman who embraced the changes in cricket whilst acting as a guardian of its traditions and values. Quite simply he will be remembered as one of the legendary characters of cricket writing and broadcasting,' he continued. 'The thoughts of all of us on TMS are with Judy and his family.' Mike Griffith, current president of the MCC, said: 'CMJ will be sorely missed. I was fortunate to know him from his schooldays at Marlborough College and we became good friends. As a commentator and journalist he was passionate about upholding the values of the game and always expressed his views with clarity and humour. Everyone at MCC shares the sadness now being felt by the cricketing world that his live commentaries will never be heard again.' Wisden editor Lawrence Booth also paid tribute describing CMJ as 'warm voice from childhood and beyond.' Martin-Jenkins was a more than useful schoolboy cricketer for Marlborough and also played for Surrey's Second XI. His journalistic talents were encouraged by the legendary EW Swanton and he joined The Cricketer magazine as Swanson's assistant editor in 1968. Martin-Jenkins was given an MBE in 2009 and served as the MCC's president in 2010 and 2011. His son, Robin, played county cricket for Sussex before retiring in 2010.

Yer actual Keith Telly Topping his very self is not, normally, a big fan of Twitter as many dear blog readers will recall. However, just occasionally ...
Liam Gallagher has taken a pot shot at Mumford and Sons by saying the band 'look like they've got fucking nits.' The Beady Eye frontman was talking to Q magazine when he took aim at the multi-award winning folk-rock combo. He said: 'Everyone looks like they've got fucking nits and eat lentil soup with their sleeves rolled up. They all look like they live on the heath. Maybe that's where they record. Everyone's fucking Don McLean — far too many acoustic guitars, no style,' he continued. 'They look like they shop at Oxfam. I wouldn't put any posters up of any band if I was a sixteen-year-old lad. There's none of that sitting down on fucking stools for me, sweetheart.'

For From The North's opening Keith Telly Topping's 33 of the Day for 2013, dear blog reader, here's a dash of yer actual Clash.

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