'Don't go to Boston. There's cholera in Boston.' They really are trying to outdo the Eurozone crisis in terms of abject misery on this series of Torchwood which reached Los Angeles for its fourth episode this week. 
Escape To LA, co-written by former X-Files and Smallville scriptwriter John Shiban, picked up the story on the sun kissed shores of Venice Beach (yer actual Keith Telly Topping's been there! Just thought I'd mention that) for yet more complex, sinister and geometrical intertextual games. This week we had questions of faith, politics and the power of the media, often in a series of neat juxtapositions with each other. There were Messianic prophecy metaphors - some subtle, some as subtle as flying brick - and allusions to mathematical theories, issue of segregation and Nazi death camps. Thematically, the episode was about broken families, guilt, power - in all its forms - and the nature of life and death on ethical as well as medical levels. 
We also had a smattering of road trip shenanigans, a scene of Kai Owen in his pants, a Piers Morgan reference in close enough proximity to someone twisting their face that it can't not have been deliberate, the Sunglasses of Evil, a blatant nod in the general direction of Sarah Palin and a bit of bondage thrown in for good measure. 'The patterns are starting to revolve around him and all we have to do is keep watching.' As instructions to an audience go, that was one of the best bits of advice I've heard in some time. Yes, it is taking a while to get to the point - although slowness is drama is not the worst crime in the world so long as it gets there in the end - and the best performances are still coming from towards the periphery of the action (Bill Pullman, Arlene Tur and, especially, the brilliant Lauren Ambrose) - although old Barrowman and Eve are terrific when they're given something a bit more recognisably espionage-related to do. 
The infiltration of PhiCorp's security floor here being a brilliant example - funny, dramatic and pointedly British all at the same time. But, for all the slight nagging drawbacks I think it's fair to say that I've enjoyed these last four episodes just as much as I admired The Shadow Line or Luther earlier in the year. For very different - although no less valid - reasons, of course. I'm enjoying Mekhi Phifer's grimly and gravely challenged Rex too, though I wish they'd make their mind up if he's supposed to be likeable or not. Because so far one is never too sure from scene-to-scene. (Indeed, sometimes, from shot-to-shot!) The dialogue continues to sing, though. 'We are everywhere. We are always. We are no one.' Wow. Proper.
Doctor Who showrunner Steven Moffat has insisted that celebrations for the show's fiftieth anniversary will be 'huge.' The writer told TV Line that 2013 will be 'an amazing year' for fans of the popular family SF drama. Moffat explained: 'I've got various plans, but all I can say emphatically is it will be huge. There's lot of decisions we're making that are about making all that possible. It'll be amazing.' Moffat also confirmed that plans for the anniversary extend beyond a one-off special episode. 'It won't be just one thing, we'll be doing lots of stuff,' he hinted. 'The plans are quite extensive, and changing all the time. Oh my God, we will hit that year very, very hard indeed.' However, Moffat added that his ideas for 2013 are still at a very early stage of development. 'It's so far in the future, [so] it's only a set of notions,' he said.
Meanwhile, Matt Smith has expressed his belief that The Doctor is often inconsiderate of his companions' feelings. Smith explained that The Doctor doesn't give enough thought to how his companions' lives are affected by travelling with him through space and time. 'He's such a nomad, and he does his thing. He doesn't quite engage in the way that other people do. He's his own man,' the actor told SFX.
Smith added: 'When you think about it, he's actually quite selfish. Because he picks these people up - often hot women - and then cruises around, drops them off, and goes, "See you later. Someone else's turn!"' The actor also revealed that he has several favourite Doctor Who episodes from his tenure so far, saying: 'I love the Angels episodes, The Time Of Angels. I love The Eleventh Hour, I love Day of the Moon, I love The Big Bang, I love Vincent And The Doctor. It's so tricky. I love them for so many different reasons because I have so many memories associated with them.'
Not unexpectedly, many Ideal fans are jolly unhappy with this week's announcement that BBC3 are not intending to recommission Graham Duff's surreal, blizzardingly funny sitcom. Typically, as there often are in these sort of situations, feelings are running high and there are calls for fan petitions - not that those ever work - and boycotts of the BBC (the latter, the online equivalent of 'I'll hold my breath until you do as I say' is, it must be said, faintly embarrassing). But, I've got to admit, yer actual Keith Telly Topping did enjoy this Facebook group!
As noted yesterday, I think it's a great shame that a show at the absolute peak of its powers appears to have been cancelled, not because there was anything wrong with it, or that it cost too much, but largely because of a change at executive level rather than any specific creative reason. Which is never a particularly good idea in any sort of field. Mind you, I was discussing this with one of the cast today and he did make the very valid point that considering Fawlty Towers and The Young Ones only got twelve episode each, the fifty three for Ideal is, at least, enough for a decent weekend rewatch type affair.
Stephen Fry has claimed that he keeps being mistaken for Top Gear's James May. The actor, writer and presenter is currently in New Zealand, filming his role in The Hobbit. He wrote: 'Morning all. Screen testing of wigs costumes etc. today.
The sooner I get my hair [cut] the better. Half New Zealand [is] convinced I'm James May.' Stephen, who plays Master of Laketown in the Peter Jackson film, added: 'If I deny being James then am [asked if ] I'm Jeremy Clarkson? I say neither. "But you're on Top Gear?" "Well, I've been on Top Gear." "Aah!"' Stephen has, indeed, been on Top Gear. Twice. And, very good he was on it too. He added: 'A damned good haircut should end this. I'm hoping.' Stephen said of his character in The Hobbit: 'Marvellous wardrobe and make-up fittings. I am sworn to utmost secrecy and non-tweeting or uploading of pix, I'm afraid so no use begging!'
Rowan Atkinson is reported to be in hospital after reportedly being injured in a car crash in Cambridgeshire. The Blackadder star is believed to have suffered a minor shoulder injury when the car he was driving hit a tree and lamppost and caught fire. It is understood the crash happened on the A605 at Haddon near Peterborough on Thursday evening. Media reports suggested that he walked from the McLaren F1 super car and waited with a motorist until an ambulance arrived. Firefighters arrived on the scene to put out the fire. A spokeswoman for Cambridgeshire Fire and Rescue Service said: 'Crews brought the fire under control by 8.13pm. They made the vehicle safe and used one hose reel to put out the fire. There was one casualty but he was not trapped.' East of England Ambulance Service said a man was taken to Peterborough City Hospital with 'a minor shoulder injury' following the crash. Atkinson achieved fame through BBC shows Not The Nine O'Clock News and The Black Adder (and its several sequels), before gaining international recognition in Mr Bean.
Sian Williams has said that she is 'looking forward to taking on new challenges' when she leaves BBC Breakfast. The presenter announced in April that she will leave the morning programme ahead of its relocation to Salford. Williams's co-host Bill Turnbull has chosen to remain in his position. 'Family reasons mean I can't move with the show next year,' she told What's On TV. 'My son will be in the middle of his A-levels and our elderly relatives live in the South-East.
It will have been ten years since I first sat on the Breakfast sofa, but I'm looking forward to trying other things. It also means I won't have to go to bed at 7.30pm every evening anymore!' Recalling her highlights from working on the programme, she said: 'I should say meeting politicians, shouldn't I? I've interviewed three prime ministers. But you know what? It was Hollywood star Will Smith. Will was such a charmer. He arrived two hours early and introduced himself to everyone in the studio, and I got to touch his ears! He has very soft ears if you're interested!' Williams will present new five-part series National Treasures Live alongside Dan Snow from Wednesday 10 August on BBC1.
Misfits actress Ruth Negga has been cast as the lead in BBC2 biopic drama Shirley Bassey: A Very British Diva. Negga, whose other TV credits include Criminal Justice and Five Daughters, will star in the sixty-minute film which explores the life of one of Britain's most popular singers. 'I'm thrilled to be cast in the role of Shirley Bassey and it's an absolute honour to be playing her in such an intimate story of her life,' said Negga.
Lesley Sharp will play Bassey's mother, Eliza, and Charlie Creed-Miles is her manager Mike Sullivan, while Henry Lloyd-Hughes is cast as Kenneth Hume, her future husband. 'Dame Shirley Bassey is iconic,' said executive producer Maxine Watson. 'She transcends age, race and class. The big voice and vocal style are unmistakable, but it took so much more than that to take her from Tiger Bay to world class headliner. Hers is a classic story of overcoming poverty through personal sacrifice and I'm thrilled that we have such a fantastic cast to bring this story to life.' Shirley Bassey: A Very British Diva is part of BBC2's Mixed Race season this autumn.
Alleged stand-up comedian - although most people I know prefer to describe him as a complete arsehole - Jack Whitehall has secured his first prime time hosting role in an entertainment series for Channel Four. So, don't say you weren't given plenty of warning in advance.
CSI producer Carol Mendelsohn has claimed that the show's forthcoming twelfth season will be 'lighter' in tone. She told reporters at the Television Critics Association press tour that the crime drama will change following the departure of Ray Langston (Laurence Fishburne) and the introduction of new investigator DB Russell (played by Ted Danson).
'Last season we were chasing a serial killer [but] that arc has come to an end,' said Mendelsohn. 'With the introduction of our new CSI superior who has his own process, I think you can say it's a lighter season.' Fellow executive producer Don McGill also revealed details of Russell's unusual background. '[He] grew up with counter-culture parents and travelled around with them,' explained McGill. 'They were folk singers. He wasn't just home-schooled, he was van-schooled.' Marg Helgenberger recently revealed that the show's next season will be her last. The actress is currently expected to appear in the first twelve episodes of the new run. Mendelsohn has hinted that William Petersen could still return to the show. She told TV Line that the actor is frequently asked to reprise his role as Gil Grissom on the CBS drama. "Every year we go to Billy," she explained. "It's sort of like a pilgrimage [and we] say, 'Will you come back?'. Last year we were successful, and he came back for that one episode." Mendelsohn also added that an appearance from Petersen in the show's upcoming eighth season is not out of the question. 'We talked to Billy a few weeks ago so you never know,' she said. 'I mean, [Gil and Sara] are married, and we'd like the audience to be able to see [them together] sometime.'
Ted Danson himself, meanwhile, has revealed new details about his character on CSI. The Damages actor will join the CBS drama next season, replacing Laurence Fishburne. Danson told reporters at the Television Critics Association press tour: 'He's kind of like [basketball coach] Phil Jackson, coming in to handle a group of people who are on a slippery slope.
He's trying to hold a crazy group of people [together].' Danson confirmed that his character will bring more humour to the series. 'Looking for [the] funny takes a certain kind of intelligence, and it's the same brain that looks for clues and finds things,' he explained 'So I really feel at home, even though I'm not [telling jokes]. It's a perfect situation.' Danson added that he is still adjusting to his new role. 'In [the span] of two weeks I [went from] staring at the ocean in Martha's Vineyard to my first autopsy,' he revealed. 'It's all happening incredibly fast. My jaw's still hanging down from the newness of all of this.'
Cher Lloyd has said that she believes 'Tulisa Contostavlos has got balls.' Which, frankly, is a story more suited to the Lancet than From The North but, there you go.
Countryfile presenter Julia Bradbury has given birth to a baby boy named Zephyr. Bradbury and her partner, fifty two-year-old property developer Gerard Cunningham, are said to be thrilled by the new arrival, after fearing that Bradbury was unable to bear children.
'We didn't think it would be possible and the pregnancy has been a wonderful surprise for both of us,; Bradbury told the Daily Scum Mail earlier this year. 'I have endometriosis and honestly wasn't sure if I would ever realise my ambition to be a mum, so to fall pregnant feels like a bit of a miracle.' 'Mother and baby are doing well,' a 'source' allegedly said, following the birth yesterday.
Two Broke Girls will be broadcast on Channel Four in the UK. The comedy, written by Sex and the City's Michael Patrick King and stand-up comedian Whitney Cummings, focuses on two girls from very different economic backgrounds who end up working in the same diner in Brooklyn. The duo, played by Kat Dennings and Beth Behr, become friends and decide to go into business together. Channel Four's head of acquisitions Gill Hay said: 'It is a rare thrill to find a new comedy that is effortlessly funny, warm-hearted and which has such a broad audience appeal. I am so delighted that Channel Four has secured this show and we are all looking forward to introducing the UK to such a treat.' Two Broke Girls is Channel Four's latest US acquisition. The channel recently picked up the rights to Claire Danes's new drama Homeland. Meanwhile, E4 will broadcast comedies New Girl and Apartment Twenty Three as well as animations Napoleon Dynamite and Allen Gregory. Two Broke Girls will premiere in the US on 19 September but Channel Four has not yet announced a start date for the UK.
Charlie Sheen's character in the US show Two And A Half Men is to be given a funeral when the series returns in September, according to reports. US website Deadline Hollywood said that Charlie Harper's home would also be sold off and Sheen's replacement, Ashton Kutcher, would be introduced.
The storyline comes after Sheen was sacked from the show in March after criticising its producers. Broadcaster CBS and programme makers Warner Brothers declined to comment. Sheen lost his job after months of reported drug and drink-fueled partying and repeated spells in rehab. The studio said it had acted after 'careful consideration.' At the time Sheen was the highest paid actor on US television. He has since signed a deal for a new series called Anger Management, but the show has yet to be taken up by any TV networks.
Sinitta has spoken out about Simon Cowell's decision to take Cheryl Cole on as a judge on The X Factor USA. Although, what the hell it had to do with her, per se, is something of a moot point. The singer said in an interview with the Mirra that she thinks it is difficult for British TV stars to break the American market. Well indeed. Look at Hugh Laurie. Total failure. Same with Craig Ferguson. And as for Dominic West and Idris Elba ... Sinitta explained her bollocks, further: 'I did think it was odd in the beginning that Cheryl went. I didn't voice my opinion so much because I knew people would just think I was being jealous. But it's not that I didn't want her to do it, it's just that I couldn't understand why she was there, except that she and Simon are very funny together.' Sinitta continued: 'It's usually hard to take a lead from an English show to America and vice versa. They're not known enough over there.'
And, speaking of Brits who failed on US TV, Labour deputy leader Mad Hatty Harman said on Thursday that former Daily Mirra editor Piers Morgan 'has got to answer questions' about phone hacking at the paper during the period he was editor. Like, whether he done it or not, perhaps? Harman told Sky News: 'Morgan said he heard a "heart-breaking" phone message, which clearly gives rise to the assumption that he'd heard a tape-recorded message.' Morgan wrote in the Scum Mail on Sunday five years ago that he had once been played a message left by Sir Paul McCartney on the mobile phone of his then-girlfriend Heather Mills, in which the former Beatle sounded 'lonely, miserable and desperate.' Mills claimed on Wednesday of this week that a 'senior journalist' at one of the Mirra Group titles admitted to her in 2001 that they had hacked into her mobile phone messages. She told the BBC that the unidentified journalist read out parts of a message left by her McCartney to her and, when challenged, admitted that it had been obtained by listening to her phone messages. The reporter in question is not thought to have worked for the Daily Mirra, which was edited by Morgan from 1995 to 2004. Its parent company, Trinity Mirra, also owns two other national titles, the Sunday Mirra and the People. In his 2006 Scum Mail article, Morgan seemed to be referring to either the same or a very similar phone message to the one Mills claimed had been hacked by the Mirra Group journalist. Mills said the message read out to her had been left by McCartney while she was in India, following a row the couple had back in London. According to Mills, the journalist rang her and 'started quoting verbatim the messages from my machine.' She said that she challenged the journalist, saying: 'You've obviously hacked my phone and if you do anything with this story. I'll go to the police.' Mills said the journalist responded: 'Okay, yeah, we did hear it on your voice messages, I won't run it.' Trinity Mirra claimed that their position is clear: 'All our journalists work within the criminal law and the PCC code of conduct.' Which, as noted, is pretty much exactly what News International said for four years until events forced them to change their tune somewhat. Harman said: 'It is not good enough for [Morgan] to say – or for someone to say on his behalf – "I always complied with the law and the Press Complaints Commission code of conduct." He's got to answer now we've got these allegations from Heather Mills.' Morgan himself issued a statement through CNN, for whom he records a - really dreadful - chat show, Tonight with Piers Morgan, late on Wednesday reiterating that he had no knowledge of phone hacking at the Mirra. He added: 'Heather Mills has made unsubstantiated claims about a conversation she may or may not have had with a senior executive from a Trinity Mirra newspaper in 2001. The BBC has confirmed to me that this executive was not employed by the Daily Mirra. I have no knowledge of any conversation any executive from other newspapers at Trinity Mirra may or may not have had with Heather Mills.' Or, indeed, otherwise. 
'What I can say and have knowledge of is that Sir Paul McCartney asserted that Heather Mills illegally intercepted his telephones, and leaked confidential material to the media. This is well documented, and was stated in their divorce case.' Which is true. In March 2008 The Honourable Mr Justice Bennett in his deliberations on the case of James Paul McCartney and Heather Anne Mills McCartney noted: 'First, it is said on 25 June 2006 the wife illegally bugged the husband's telephone, in particular a call between him and his daughter Stella in which Stella made very unflattering comments about the wife. It is further said the wife subsequently leaked the intercepted material to the press so as to discredit him. Second, on 17 October 2006 the wife, or someone acting on her behalf, leaked to the media some or all of the contents of her Answer and Cross-Petition which contained untrue and distorted allegations against the husband in orders to discredit him. Third, the wife has failed to abide by court orders re confidentiality. On 31 October 2007 and 1 November 2007 the wife gave several interviews to UK and US television stations in which she made many false statements about the husband and these proceedings in order to discredit him. Individually and collectively these actions, it is said, represent a deliberate attempt by the wife to ruin the husband’s reputation.' So, I guess this one ultimately becomes a case of who do you trust more, Heather Mills or Piers Morgan. Oh, jeez. That's a toughie...
Fiona Bruce was reportedly targeted by two 'pranksters' while filming the The Greed Roadshow in Devon last month. The forty seven-year-old newsreader was recording an episode of the popular BBC antiques programme on 7 July, when she was sprayed with a can of aerosol string. Two men, aged thirty two and forty two (not twelve, please note), were arrested by police. Two officers had been based at Hartland Abbey for the event, which saw two thousand five hundred greedy members of the public bringing items along for valuation. Which were all, of course, cherished family heirlooms that they would never think of selling in a million years ... but, what's it worth? After being arrested for common assault, Devon and Cornwall Police confirmed that the two men have both been issued with eighty smackers fixed penalty fines. Spokespersons for both Bruce and the Antiques Roadshow declined to comment on the incident. Personally, if it had been me in charge of the event, I'd've seen to it that a couple of burly chaps from the crew took this pair of overgrown schoolboys into a quiet corner and had a word with them. And then, kicked them - hard - in the knackers as a discouragement to do anything so plankish again. It's the only language these people understand, dear blog reader. Bruce was previously reported to be the subject of 'unwanted attention' from fifty one-year-old Peter Oakey, who was detained under the Mental Health Act after sending a volley of cards and letters to the presenter.
Bubba Smith, the American footballer who found fame on-screen playing Hightower in the Police Academy movies, has died at the age of sixty six. The six foot seven inch Smith won the 1971 Super Bowl with the Baltimore Colts as a Defensive End and moved into acting in the late 1970s. He played the softly-spoken Moses Hightower in six Police Academy films. He appeared in two episodes of Married ... with Children, once as the character Spare Tire Dixon and in a later episode as himself. He was the long time spokesman of Baltimore-area law firm Cohen, Snyder, Eisenberg & Katzenberg.
Smith starred in the short-lived television series Blue Thunder, partnering with Pro Football Hall of Fame defensive star Dick Butkus, with whom he frequently costarred in advertisements for Miller Lite Beer. Smith also appeared in Tales of the Gold Monkey and Good Times as Claude, a bodyguard working for Marion Sweet Daddy Williams. Smith was found dead at his home in Los Angeles. The cause of death has not been confirmed, but police have said it did not appear to be suspicious. He began his acting career with small roles in TV shows such as Wonder Woman, Taxi and Charlie's Angels before joining the recruits in the first Police Academy movie in 1984. Hightower became a regular character in the comedy franchise, known for his gentle nature and physical strength, which saw him lifting cars or wrestling alligators in the pursuit of bad guys. Born Charles Aaron Smith, he made his name on the field as a fearsome defensive player for Michigan State University where a popular chant among the fans was 'Kill! Bubba! Kill!' He moved into the NFL with the Baltimore Colts in 1967 and also played for the Oakland Raiders and the Houston Oilers, before retiring from the sport in 1976.
To a different shape of ball, now. Japanese footballer Naoki Matsuda has died two days after he collapsed on the training pitch with a suspected heart attack. The thirty four-year-old, who represented Japan at the 2002 World Cup, was rushed to hospital on Tuesday. He collapsed during a training session with his club, Matsumoto Yamaga, and never regained consciousness.
Former Japan manager Philippe Troussier paid tribute to the defender, saying he was a key member of the World Cup team. 'It's terrible to see someone die at such a young age,' Troussier told Reuters news agency. 'It's a big shock. He was a great guy and I felt a close bond to him. My thoughts go to his family.' Fans, friends and former players had gathered at the hospital in Matsumoto to wish the player well. Matsuda played forty times for Japan scoring his only goal in a 4-0 win of Kazakhstan in 2005, and won two J-League titles during fifteen years with the Yokohama F-Marinos for whom he played almost four hundred times. He moved to lower league Matsumoto earlier this year.
The Joey Barton saga rumbles on. Yer actual Keith Telly Topping's beloved (though still, tragically unsellable) Magpies have issued yet another one of those curious announcements they occasionally make in which they say that they have nothing to say. Which appears to baffled everyone since it's a contradiction in terms. They state that neither the club nor Barton will be making any further comment on the player's future. The Premier League side revealed on Monday that the midfielder is available on a free transfer, despite having one year left on his contract. Barton has used his Twitter account to strongly criticise the club's hierarchy as a result and he was made to train by himself. Or maybe it was because he also used his account to regularly post Smiths lyrics. Never figured Mike Ashley for a lover of Morrissey and Marr personally. The twenty eight-year-old midfielder was also hit with a fine of two weeks' wages and on Thursday only trained with Newcastle's reserves in what has developed into an ugly feud with club officials. Newcastle's manager Alan Padrew held a press conference on Thursday afternoon, but the St James' Park club released an earlier statement to say that Barton's future would not be discussed. It read: 'We understand the level of interest in the club's decision to offer Joey Barton a free transfer. However, it would not be dignified, nor would it serve any useful purpose at this present time, for either the club or Joey to air their private issues on this matter in public. The club and the player have important business to focus on over the coming days and both parties have come to an agreement that we will not comment further at this time.' So, we're not saying nowt except that we're saying this seemed to be the message. Once again, as a PR exercise it left a shed load to be desired particularly as during the press conference Pardew, effectively, ignored it and did talk about Barton's future. He suggested that Barton's career at St James' Park may not be over, noting: 'I've never closed the door on anyone and I'm not closing the door on Joey. He trained with the development team today and, who knows, he may train with the first team soon. Joey is a great player and you want great players in your team,' added Pardew, whose side face Arsenal at home in the opening league match of the season on 13 August. 'It's very important as a football club that you are all pulling in the same direction - at this moment of time Joey is not pulling in the same direction. That's not to say that can't change in a short period of time.' Pardew added that he believes the use of Twitter has caused problems at his club and that Newcastle are now following Manchester United's guidelines on players' use of the social networking site. 'Maybe if it wasn't for Twitter and this instant media it may have got resolved on Monday morning with me and Joey in my office,' he added. 'The problem with Twitter - we need to get a hold of this. I spoke with Sir Alex Ferguson today and he's had this problem with Twitter before. We're now following the guide that Sir Alex has said they have done. I'm not against those sites, and I don't think many managers in the Premier League are, but they have to be careful not to mention the football club.' Newcastle owner Mike Ashley and managing director Derek Llambias have received the most criticism from fans as a result of the fallout involving Barton. The midfielder was one of the club's most influential players last season and his nine assists and four goals were an important factor in helping the club to avoid relegation in a first campaign back in the Premier League.
But Barton, who was a £5.8million signing from Manchester City in 2007, appeared to become unsettled in January when his close friend Andy Carroll moved to Liverpool in a British-record deal, while another pal, the former club captain Kevin Nolan, was sold to West Ham this summer. Nolan was allowed to leave because Newcastle did not believe that he would justify the five-year contract extension he wanted. Barton's agent, Willie McKay, also revealed at the end of May that his client would not receive a new deal. Arsenal, Tottenham, Stoke, Liverpool and Aston Villa have all been linked with Barton, while Bolton boss Owen Coyle has admitted his admiration of the player. But none of them have actually made an offer for him yet, despite the fact that they can have him for nowt. Having previously quoted sources as diverse as George Orwell, George Washington and Morrissey, Barton's only Twitter postings today were another Smiths song lyrics (this one from 'Still Ill' - 'I decree today that life is simply taking and not giving, England is mine and it owes me a living') and Benjamin Disraeli's wise comment that 'Silence is the mother of truth.' I'll say one thing for the lad, he gives good quote.
The new trailer for spy drama Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, Spy has been unveiled. Gary Oldman leads the cast of the John le Carré adaptation, with Oscar winner Colin Firth, Tom Hardy, Mark Strong, John Hurt and Benedict Cumberbatch rounding out the A-list British cast. The Cold War-set movie, directed by Let the Right One In's Tomas Alfredson, centres on veteran spy George Smiley as he comes out of retirement to find a Soviet mole operating in MI6. The novel - which is great if you've never read it by the way - was first published in 1974 and the story was previously adapted for TV by the BBC in a superb 1979 series. Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, Spy will open in UK cinemas on 16 September and 18 November in the US.
The latest Keith Telly Topping's 45 of the Day fails to resist the temptation to keep going with this week's Smiths theme. Here's the greatest ever pro-suicide song in that small-but-vital oeuvre.
Actually, let's have 'Rubber Ring' as well. 'Don't forget the songs that made you cry, and the ones that saved your life.' You simply can't have too much of The Hated Salford Ensemble.
Escape To LA, co-written by former X-Files and Smallville scriptwriter John Shiban, picked up the story on the sun kissed shores of Venice Beach (yer actual Keith Telly Topping's been there! Just thought I'd mention that) for yet more complex, sinister and geometrical intertextual games. This week we had questions of faith, politics and the power of the media, often in a series of neat juxtapositions with each other. There were Messianic prophecy metaphors - some subtle, some as subtle as flying brick - and allusions to mathematical theories, issue of segregation and Nazi death camps. Thematically, the episode was about broken families, guilt, power - in all its forms - and the nature of life and death on ethical as well as medical levels. 
We also had a smattering of road trip shenanigans, a scene of Kai Owen in his pants, a Piers Morgan reference in close enough proximity to someone twisting their face that it can't not have been deliberate, the Sunglasses of Evil, a blatant nod in the general direction of Sarah Palin and a bit of bondage thrown in for good measure. 'The patterns are starting to revolve around him and all we have to do is keep watching.' As instructions to an audience go, that was one of the best bits of advice I've heard in some time. Yes, it is taking a while to get to the point - although slowness is drama is not the worst crime in the world so long as it gets there in the end - and the best performances are still coming from towards the periphery of the action (Bill Pullman, Arlene Tur and, especially, the brilliant Lauren Ambrose) - although old Barrowman and Eve are terrific when they're given something a bit more recognisably espionage-related to do. 
The infiltration of PhiCorp's security floor here being a brilliant example - funny, dramatic and pointedly British all at the same time. But, for all the slight nagging drawbacks I think it's fair to say that I've enjoyed these last four episodes just as much as I admired The Shadow Line or Luther earlier in the year. For very different - although no less valid - reasons, of course. I'm enjoying Mekhi Phifer's grimly and gravely challenged Rex too, though I wish they'd make their mind up if he's supposed to be likeable or not. Because so far one is never too sure from scene-to-scene. (Indeed, sometimes, from shot-to-shot!) The dialogue continues to sing, though. 'We are everywhere. We are always. We are no one.' Wow. Proper. 
Meanwhile, Matt Smith has expressed his belief that The Doctor is often inconsiderate of his companions' feelings. Smith explained that The Doctor doesn't give enough thought to how his companions' lives are affected by travelling with him through space and time. 'He's such a nomad, and he does his thing. He doesn't quite engage in the way that other people do. He's his own man,' the actor told SFX.
Smith added: 'When you think about it, he's actually quite selfish. Because he picks these people up - often hot women - and then cruises around, drops them off, and goes, "See you later. Someone else's turn!"' The actor also revealed that he has several favourite Doctor Who episodes from his tenure so far, saying: 'I love the Angels episodes, The Time Of Angels. I love The Eleventh Hour, I love Day of the Moon, I love The Big Bang, I love Vincent And The Doctor. It's so tricky. I love them for so many different reasons because I have so many memories associated with them.'Not unexpectedly, many Ideal fans are jolly unhappy with this week's announcement that BBC3 are not intending to recommission Graham Duff's surreal, blizzardingly funny sitcom. Typically, as there often are in these sort of situations, feelings are running high and there are calls for fan petitions - not that those ever work - and boycotts of the BBC (the latter, the online equivalent of 'I'll hold my breath until you do as I say' is, it must be said, faintly embarrassing). But, I've got to admit, yer actual Keith Telly Topping did enjoy this Facebook group!
Stephen Fry has claimed that he keeps being mistaken for Top Gear's James May. The actor, writer and presenter is currently in New Zealand, filming his role in The Hobbit. He wrote: 'Morning all. Screen testing of wigs costumes etc. today.
The sooner I get my hair [cut] the better. Half New Zealand [is] convinced I'm James May.' Stephen, who plays Master of Laketown in the Peter Jackson film, added: 'If I deny being James then am [asked if ] I'm Jeremy Clarkson? I say neither. "But you're on Top Gear?" "Well, I've been on Top Gear." "Aah!"' Stephen has, indeed, been on Top Gear. Twice. And, very good he was on it too. He added: 'A damned good haircut should end this. I'm hoping.' Stephen said of his character in The Hobbit: 'Marvellous wardrobe and make-up fittings. I am sworn to utmost secrecy and non-tweeting or uploading of pix, I'm afraid so no use begging!'Rowan Atkinson is reported to be in hospital after reportedly being injured in a car crash in Cambridgeshire. The Blackadder star is believed to have suffered a minor shoulder injury when the car he was driving hit a tree and lamppost and caught fire. It is understood the crash happened on the A605 at Haddon near Peterborough on Thursday evening. Media reports suggested that he walked from the McLaren F1 super car and waited with a motorist until an ambulance arrived. Firefighters arrived on the scene to put out the fire. A spokeswoman for Cambridgeshire Fire and Rescue Service said: 'Crews brought the fire under control by 8.13pm. They made the vehicle safe and used one hose reel to put out the fire. There was one casualty but he was not trapped.' East of England Ambulance Service said a man was taken to Peterborough City Hospital with 'a minor shoulder injury' following the crash. Atkinson achieved fame through BBC shows Not The Nine O'Clock News and The Black Adder (and its several sequels), before gaining international recognition in Mr Bean.
Sian Williams has said that she is 'looking forward to taking on new challenges' when she leaves BBC Breakfast. The presenter announced in April that she will leave the morning programme ahead of its relocation to Salford. Williams's co-host Bill Turnbull has chosen to remain in his position. 'Family reasons mean I can't move with the show next year,' she told What's On TV. 'My son will be in the middle of his A-levels and our elderly relatives live in the South-East.
It will have been ten years since I first sat on the Breakfast sofa, but I'm looking forward to trying other things. It also means I won't have to go to bed at 7.30pm every evening anymore!' Recalling her highlights from working on the programme, she said: 'I should say meeting politicians, shouldn't I? I've interviewed three prime ministers. But you know what? It was Hollywood star Will Smith. Will was such a charmer. He arrived two hours early and introduced himself to everyone in the studio, and I got to touch his ears! He has very soft ears if you're interested!' Williams will present new five-part series National Treasures Live alongside Dan Snow from Wednesday 10 August on BBC1. Misfits actress Ruth Negga has been cast as the lead in BBC2 biopic drama Shirley Bassey: A Very British Diva. Negga, whose other TV credits include Criminal Justice and Five Daughters, will star in the sixty-minute film which explores the life of one of Britain's most popular singers. 'I'm thrilled to be cast in the role of Shirley Bassey and it's an absolute honour to be playing her in such an intimate story of her life,' said Negga.
Lesley Sharp will play Bassey's mother, Eliza, and Charlie Creed-Miles is her manager Mike Sullivan, while Henry Lloyd-Hughes is cast as Kenneth Hume, her future husband. 'Dame Shirley Bassey is iconic,' said executive producer Maxine Watson. 'She transcends age, race and class. The big voice and vocal style are unmistakable, but it took so much more than that to take her from Tiger Bay to world class headliner. Hers is a classic story of overcoming poverty through personal sacrifice and I'm thrilled that we have such a fantastic cast to bring this story to life.' Shirley Bassey: A Very British Diva is part of BBC2's Mixed Race season this autumn.Alleged stand-up comedian - although most people I know prefer to describe him as a complete arsehole - Jack Whitehall has secured his first prime time hosting role in an entertainment series for Channel Four. So, don't say you weren't given plenty of warning in advance.
CSI producer Carol Mendelsohn has claimed that the show's forthcoming twelfth season will be 'lighter' in tone. She told reporters at the Television Critics Association press tour that the crime drama will change following the departure of Ray Langston (Laurence Fishburne) and the introduction of new investigator DB Russell (played by Ted Danson).
'Last season we were chasing a serial killer [but] that arc has come to an end,' said Mendelsohn. 'With the introduction of our new CSI superior who has his own process, I think you can say it's a lighter season.' Fellow executive producer Don McGill also revealed details of Russell's unusual background. '[He] grew up with counter-culture parents and travelled around with them,' explained McGill. 'They were folk singers. He wasn't just home-schooled, he was van-schooled.' Marg Helgenberger recently revealed that the show's next season will be her last. The actress is currently expected to appear in the first twelve episodes of the new run. Mendelsohn has hinted that William Petersen could still return to the show. She told TV Line that the actor is frequently asked to reprise his role as Gil Grissom on the CBS drama. "Every year we go to Billy," she explained. "It's sort of like a pilgrimage [and we] say, 'Will you come back?'. Last year we were successful, and he came back for that one episode." Mendelsohn also added that an appearance from Petersen in the show's upcoming eighth season is not out of the question. 'We talked to Billy a few weeks ago so you never know,' she said. 'I mean, [Gil and Sara] are married, and we'd like the audience to be able to see [them together] sometime.'Ted Danson himself, meanwhile, has revealed new details about his character on CSI. The Damages actor will join the CBS drama next season, replacing Laurence Fishburne. Danson told reporters at the Television Critics Association press tour: 'He's kind of like [basketball coach] Phil Jackson, coming in to handle a group of people who are on a slippery slope.
He's trying to hold a crazy group of people [together].' Danson confirmed that his character will bring more humour to the series. 'Looking for [the] funny takes a certain kind of intelligence, and it's the same brain that looks for clues and finds things,' he explained 'So I really feel at home, even though I'm not [telling jokes]. It's a perfect situation.' Danson added that he is still adjusting to his new role. 'In [the span] of two weeks I [went from] staring at the ocean in Martha's Vineyard to my first autopsy,' he revealed. 'It's all happening incredibly fast. My jaw's still hanging down from the newness of all of this.'Cher Lloyd has said that she believes 'Tulisa Contostavlos has got balls.' Which, frankly, is a story more suited to the Lancet than From The North but, there you go.
Countryfile presenter Julia Bradbury has given birth to a baby boy named Zephyr. Bradbury and her partner, fifty two-year-old property developer Gerard Cunningham, are said to be thrilled by the new arrival, after fearing that Bradbury was unable to bear children.
'We didn't think it would be possible and the pregnancy has been a wonderful surprise for both of us,; Bradbury told the Daily Scum Mail earlier this year. 'I have endometriosis and honestly wasn't sure if I would ever realise my ambition to be a mum, so to fall pregnant feels like a bit of a miracle.' 'Mother and baby are doing well,' a 'source' allegedly said, following the birth yesterday.Two Broke Girls will be broadcast on Channel Four in the UK. The comedy, written by Sex and the City's Michael Patrick King and stand-up comedian Whitney Cummings, focuses on two girls from very different economic backgrounds who end up working in the same diner in Brooklyn. The duo, played by Kat Dennings and Beth Behr, become friends and decide to go into business together. Channel Four's head of acquisitions Gill Hay said: 'It is a rare thrill to find a new comedy that is effortlessly funny, warm-hearted and which has such a broad audience appeal. I am so delighted that Channel Four has secured this show and we are all looking forward to introducing the UK to such a treat.' Two Broke Girls is Channel Four's latest US acquisition. The channel recently picked up the rights to Claire Danes's new drama Homeland. Meanwhile, E4 will broadcast comedies New Girl and Apartment Twenty Three as well as animations Napoleon Dynamite and Allen Gregory. Two Broke Girls will premiere in the US on 19 September but Channel Four has not yet announced a start date for the UK.
Charlie Sheen's character in the US show Two And A Half Men is to be given a funeral when the series returns in September, according to reports. US website Deadline Hollywood said that Charlie Harper's home would also be sold off and Sheen's replacement, Ashton Kutcher, would be introduced.
The storyline comes after Sheen was sacked from the show in March after criticising its producers. Broadcaster CBS and programme makers Warner Brothers declined to comment. Sheen lost his job after months of reported drug and drink-fueled partying and repeated spells in rehab. The studio said it had acted after 'careful consideration.' At the time Sheen was the highest paid actor on US television. He has since signed a deal for a new series called Anger Management, but the show has yet to be taken up by any TV networks.Sinitta has spoken out about Simon Cowell's decision to take Cheryl Cole on as a judge on The X Factor USA. Although, what the hell it had to do with her, per se, is something of a moot point. The singer said in an interview with the Mirra that she thinks it is difficult for British TV stars to break the American market. Well indeed. Look at Hugh Laurie. Total failure. Same with Craig Ferguson. And as for Dominic West and Idris Elba ... Sinitta explained her bollocks, further: 'I did think it was odd in the beginning that Cheryl went. I didn't voice my opinion so much because I knew people would just think I was being jealous. But it's not that I didn't want her to do it, it's just that I couldn't understand why she was there, except that she and Simon are very funny together.' Sinitta continued: 'It's usually hard to take a lead from an English show to America and vice versa. They're not known enough over there.'
'What I can say and have knowledge of is that Sir Paul McCartney asserted that Heather Mills illegally intercepted his telephones, and leaked confidential material to the media. This is well documented, and was stated in their divorce case.' Which is true. In March 2008 The Honourable Mr Justice Bennett in his deliberations on the case of James Paul McCartney and Heather Anne Mills McCartney noted: 'First, it is said on 25 June 2006 the wife illegally bugged the husband's telephone, in particular a call between him and his daughter Stella in which Stella made very unflattering comments about the wife. It is further said the wife subsequently leaked the intercepted material to the press so as to discredit him. Second, on 17 October 2006 the wife, or someone acting on her behalf, leaked to the media some or all of the contents of her Answer and Cross-Petition which contained untrue and distorted allegations against the husband in orders to discredit him. Third, the wife has failed to abide by court orders re confidentiality. On 31 October 2007 and 1 November 2007 the wife gave several interviews to UK and US television stations in which she made many false statements about the husband and these proceedings in order to discredit him. Individually and collectively these actions, it is said, represent a deliberate attempt by the wife to ruin the husband’s reputation.' So, I guess this one ultimately becomes a case of who do you trust more, Heather Mills or Piers Morgan. Oh, jeez. That's a toughie...Fiona Bruce was reportedly targeted by two 'pranksters' while filming the The Greed Roadshow in Devon last month. The forty seven-year-old newsreader was recording an episode of the popular BBC antiques programme on 7 July, when she was sprayed with a can of aerosol string. Two men, aged thirty two and forty two (not twelve, please note), were arrested by police. Two officers had been based at Hartland Abbey for the event, which saw two thousand five hundred greedy members of the public bringing items along for valuation. Which were all, of course, cherished family heirlooms that they would never think of selling in a million years ... but, what's it worth? After being arrested for common assault, Devon and Cornwall Police confirmed that the two men have both been issued with eighty smackers fixed penalty fines. Spokespersons for both Bruce and the Antiques Roadshow declined to comment on the incident. Personally, if it had been me in charge of the event, I'd've seen to it that a couple of burly chaps from the crew took this pair of overgrown schoolboys into a quiet corner and had a word with them. And then, kicked them - hard - in the knackers as a discouragement to do anything so plankish again. It's the only language these people understand, dear blog reader. Bruce was previously reported to be the subject of 'unwanted attention' from fifty one-year-old Peter Oakey, who was detained under the Mental Health Act after sending a volley of cards and letters to the presenter.
Bubba Smith, the American footballer who found fame on-screen playing Hightower in the Police Academy movies, has died at the age of sixty six. The six foot seven inch Smith won the 1971 Super Bowl with the Baltimore Colts as a Defensive End and moved into acting in the late 1970s. He played the softly-spoken Moses Hightower in six Police Academy films. He appeared in two episodes of Married ... with Children, once as the character Spare Tire Dixon and in a later episode as himself. He was the long time spokesman of Baltimore-area law firm Cohen, Snyder, Eisenberg & Katzenberg.
Smith starred in the short-lived television series Blue Thunder, partnering with Pro Football Hall of Fame defensive star Dick Butkus, with whom he frequently costarred in advertisements for Miller Lite Beer. Smith also appeared in Tales of the Gold Monkey and Good Times as Claude, a bodyguard working for Marion Sweet Daddy Williams. Smith was found dead at his home in Los Angeles. The cause of death has not been confirmed, but police have said it did not appear to be suspicious. He began his acting career with small roles in TV shows such as Wonder Woman, Taxi and Charlie's Angels before joining the recruits in the first Police Academy movie in 1984. Hightower became a regular character in the comedy franchise, known for his gentle nature and physical strength, which saw him lifting cars or wrestling alligators in the pursuit of bad guys. Born Charles Aaron Smith, he made his name on the field as a fearsome defensive player for Michigan State University where a popular chant among the fans was 'Kill! Bubba! Kill!' He moved into the NFL with the Baltimore Colts in 1967 and also played for the Oakland Raiders and the Houston Oilers, before retiring from the sport in 1976.To a different shape of ball, now. Japanese footballer Naoki Matsuda has died two days after he collapsed on the training pitch with a suspected heart attack. The thirty four-year-old, who represented Japan at the 2002 World Cup, was rushed to hospital on Tuesday. He collapsed during a training session with his club, Matsumoto Yamaga, and never regained consciousness.
Former Japan manager Philippe Troussier paid tribute to the defender, saying he was a key member of the World Cup team. 'It's terrible to see someone die at such a young age,' Troussier told Reuters news agency. 'It's a big shock. He was a great guy and I felt a close bond to him. My thoughts go to his family.' Fans, friends and former players had gathered at the hospital in Matsumoto to wish the player well. Matsuda played forty times for Japan scoring his only goal in a 4-0 win of Kazakhstan in 2005, and won two J-League titles during fifteen years with the Yokohama F-Marinos for whom he played almost four hundred times. He moved to lower league Matsumoto earlier this year.The Joey Barton saga rumbles on. Yer actual Keith Telly Topping's beloved (though still, tragically unsellable) Magpies have issued yet another one of those curious announcements they occasionally make in which they say that they have nothing to say. Which appears to baffled everyone since it's a contradiction in terms. They state that neither the club nor Barton will be making any further comment on the player's future. The Premier League side revealed on Monday that the midfielder is available on a free transfer, despite having one year left on his contract. Barton has used his Twitter account to strongly criticise the club's hierarchy as a result and he was made to train by himself. Or maybe it was because he also used his account to regularly post Smiths lyrics. Never figured Mike Ashley for a lover of Morrissey and Marr personally. The twenty eight-year-old midfielder was also hit with a fine of two weeks' wages and on Thursday only trained with Newcastle's reserves in what has developed into an ugly feud with club officials. Newcastle's manager Alan Padrew held a press conference on Thursday afternoon, but the St James' Park club released an earlier statement to say that Barton's future would not be discussed. It read: 'We understand the level of interest in the club's decision to offer Joey Barton a free transfer. However, it would not be dignified, nor would it serve any useful purpose at this present time, for either the club or Joey to air their private issues on this matter in public. The club and the player have important business to focus on over the coming days and both parties have come to an agreement that we will not comment further at this time.' So, we're not saying nowt except that we're saying this seemed to be the message. Once again, as a PR exercise it left a shed load to be desired particularly as during the press conference Pardew, effectively, ignored it and did talk about Barton's future. He suggested that Barton's career at St James' Park may not be over, noting: 'I've never closed the door on anyone and I'm not closing the door on Joey. He trained with the development team today and, who knows, he may train with the first team soon. Joey is a great player and you want great players in your team,' added Pardew, whose side face Arsenal at home in the opening league match of the season on 13 August. 'It's very important as a football club that you are all pulling in the same direction - at this moment of time Joey is not pulling in the same direction. That's not to say that can't change in a short period of time.' Pardew added that he believes the use of Twitter has caused problems at his club and that Newcastle are now following Manchester United's guidelines on players' use of the social networking site. 'Maybe if it wasn't for Twitter and this instant media it may have got resolved on Monday morning with me and Joey in my office,' he added. 'The problem with Twitter - we need to get a hold of this. I spoke with Sir Alex Ferguson today and he's had this problem with Twitter before. We're now following the guide that Sir Alex has said they have done. I'm not against those sites, and I don't think many managers in the Premier League are, but they have to be careful not to mention the football club.' Newcastle owner Mike Ashley and managing director Derek Llambias have received the most criticism from fans as a result of the fallout involving Barton. The midfielder was one of the club's most influential players last season and his nine assists and four goals were an important factor in helping the club to avoid relegation in a first campaign back in the Premier League.
But Barton, who was a £5.8million signing from Manchester City in 2007, appeared to become unsettled in January when his close friend Andy Carroll moved to Liverpool in a British-record deal, while another pal, the former club captain Kevin Nolan, was sold to West Ham this summer. Nolan was allowed to leave because Newcastle did not believe that he would justify the five-year contract extension he wanted. Barton's agent, Willie McKay, also revealed at the end of May that his client would not receive a new deal. Arsenal, Tottenham, Stoke, Liverpool and Aston Villa have all been linked with Barton, while Bolton boss Owen Coyle has admitted his admiration of the player. But none of them have actually made an offer for him yet, despite the fact that they can have him for nowt. Having previously quoted sources as diverse as George Orwell, George Washington and Morrissey, Barton's only Twitter postings today were another Smiths song lyrics (this one from 'Still Ill' - 'I decree today that life is simply taking and not giving, England is mine and it owes me a living') and Benjamin Disraeli's wise comment that 'Silence is the mother of truth.' I'll say one thing for the lad, he gives good quote. The new trailer for spy drama Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, Spy has been unveiled. Gary Oldman leads the cast of the John le Carré adaptation, with Oscar winner Colin Firth, Tom Hardy, Mark Strong, John Hurt and Benedict Cumberbatch rounding out the A-list British cast. The Cold War-set movie, directed by Let the Right One In's Tomas Alfredson, centres on veteran spy George Smiley as he comes out of retirement to find a Soviet mole operating in MI6. The novel - which is great if you've never read it by the way - was first published in 1974 and the story was previously adapted for TV by the BBC in a superb 1979 series. Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, Spy will open in UK cinemas on 16 September and 18 November in the US.
The latest Keith Telly Topping's 45 of the Day fails to resist the temptation to keep going with this week's Smiths theme. Here's the greatest ever pro-suicide song in that small-but-vital oeuvre.
