Thursday, January 13, 2011

Once There Was A Battle There

Yer actual Keith Telly Topping feels that dear old Xander Armstrong has been really rather good filling in as co-presenter on The ONE Show for most of this week. Presumably Matt Baker's been given a bit of time off to either film as much stuff for Countryfile as he can, or have a holiday, or both. In fact, the only down-side (well, apart from Richard and Judy hogging the limelight on Wednesday - yesterday's news, kids) has been ... how can I put this delicately with hurting anyone's feelings? Has anybody else, by any chance, got a blithering clue what the hell Alex Jones is talking about ninety per cent of the time? Seriously, I'm half expecting some guest to turn to Xander (or Matt when he comes back) and ask 'A little help here, Geordie? I can't understand a bloody word she's talking about.'

Hope all of From The North's actual North East readers (all three of ya) managed to catch the legend that is Scunthorpe Steve Drayton's little piece of Sunday's Tyne-Wear derby on Thursday evening's Look North. If you missed it, check it out on iPlayer, it was actually quite funny - especially the bit where he was duelling with a Christmas tree. It started about eighteen minutes and forty seconds in.

From someone whom I respect and admire to an irritating knobcheese. Jamie Oliver has claimed that his Food Revolution series has been banned from filming in Los Angeles schools. So, it would seem that some Americans do have taste after all. Good on them. The full of his own importance one-time Naked Chef presenter told reporters at the opening of his new LA cooking-based school Jamie's Kitchen that the city's school district has prevented his efforts to improve the quality of food served to local children during their lunch periods. 'I'm locked out,' he said. 'I need to get into the school system, and I can't.' In a subsequent interview with TV Guide, Oliver insisted that, tragically, the setback will not curb his efforts introduce fresh food into schools around the United States. What a terrible shame. More effort clearly needed, America. You should think about setting Sarah Palin loose on him - she's got a low tolerance threshold for unAmerican activities, they reckon. 'If we never get into LA schools and I hope that doesn't happen but if we don't, then so be it,' he explained. 'I can tell you the journey trying to get in will still be fruitful. We will see and learn and be inspired and be upset and be passionate about everything on the way. I'm kind of in the hands of the public.' Let's hope the public know how to use their hands, wisely.

Doctor Who showrunner The Lord Thy God Steven Moffat (Thou Shalt Worship No other Goes Before He) has revealed that filming has begun on the seventh episode of the new series. The drama's sixth series since its successful 2005 revival will see Matt Smith, Karen Gillan and Arthur Darvill reprise their respective roles as the Doctor, Amy and Rory. Writing on Twitter, Moffat asked if anyone knew what '7777' could refer to. A short while later he confirmed: 'Okay. Episode seven of the new series, is the seven hundred and seventy seventh episode of Doctor Who.' The writer added: Only if you exclude Shada, Steven. And Time Crash. Which yer Keith Telly Topping does not. So there. 'Oh, and we just started shooting it,' he continued. well, whatever number it is, I'm sure it'll be brilliant.

Helen Baxendale has admitted that her children are not impressed that she appeared in Friends. Nor, indeed, were most of the people who watched it as she played a whiny, annoying character who came between Ross and Rachel and, frankly, stank the place up. The actress starred in the hit US show as Ross Gellar's second wife Emily Waltham. For about four episodes. One of which also featured Sarah Ferguson. I mean, enough said, yeah? Speaking to What's On TV, Baxendale said that her three children had watched the episodes she featured in. 'But what I'm quite chuffed with is that they're not that bothered,' she added. 'It's not that impressive to them.'

Primeval's Ciaran McMenamin has claimed that his character in the show, Matt, often resembles James Bond. Shaken, but not stirred? Sounds about right. Hey, sonny, try getting a few more than four million viewers before you start comparing yourself to a sodding icon.

Here's Ten Things On You Tube That You Probably Didn't Expect To Find There.
1. Sammy Davis Jnr singing the theme to Hawaii Five-0

2. And, on a related note, the legends that were Arthur Two Stroke & The Chart Commandos. Introduced by the legend that would become Bob Smeaton if I'm not mistaken.

3. That Hai Karate Aftershave advert with Valerie Leon. 'Be careful how you use it!'

4. The great Larry Griswald on The Frank Sinatra Show in 1951.

5. Tommy Cooper and, not only the wooden duck trick but, also the magic cabinet.

6. Fifteen second of wisdom from Brian Clough.

7. The Penguin Game off Jeux Sans Frontières and Stuart Hall almost having a heart attack.

8. Charles Bronson - hilariously - advertises an aftershave you've never heard of on Japanese TV

9. The greatest ever live performance of 'The Culture Bunker' by the Teardrops with Julian going effing off-it. From Whistle Test in 1982. 'I put a gun to your head!'

10. Yer actual Keith Telly Topping his very self during his 'massive sideburns' phase!

ITV is reportedly planning a celebrity Downton Abbey-themed reality show. According to the Daily Lies, so that will probably give you an idea of how seriously to take this, the broadcaster wants to cash in on the success of the drama series with a spin-off show where celebrities take on the roles of servants in a mansion. The stars will apparently have to serve a team of actors around the clock, as cooks, cleaners, grounds staff and maids. Wall To Wall Media are apparently developing the show. 'Downtown Abbey was an overnight success,' said a - curiously anonymous - source. 'This new reality show will capitalise on that brand. If we can secure top showbiz names, we could be looking at another hit.' Or, not. I'll bet Lord Snotty, with his notorious loathing of all things prole will just love the idea of that.

Bones star Emily Deschanel has revealed that her directorial debut on the show has been rescheduled. The actress was originally planning to direct the fourteenth episode of the current season but this was postponed because she was required for a larger acting role in the two preceding episodes. Deschanel recently told GiveMeMyRemote that she will now direct episode 'twenty or twenty one' of the show's current sixth season. 'I'm supposed to direct the third-to-last or fourth-to-last episode of the season,' she explained. Her co-star David Boreneaz, who recently directed the crime drama for the third time, previously admitted that directing the show is 'challenging.'

Kiefer Sutherland has revealed that he would love to return to prime time television. The former 24 star told Entertainment Weekly that he misses working on a series. 'We have a couple ideas we are working on that we are very excited about,' he said. '24 was a lot of work - it certainly had its ups and downs - but for so many reasons it was one of the great experiences of my life. I miss the daily grind of it, which I was surprised about because that's the one thing you complain about all the time. Be careful what you ask for!' Sutherland also revealed that he still expects a 24 movie to be made even though the first script was rejected. '[It's] the little engine that could,' he said. '[The writer] Billy Ray did a fantastic job and there are aspects of that story [that will remain]. I couldn't be more thrilled.'

Felicity Huffman has dropped hints about an upcoming storyline on Desperate Housewives. Huffman told Entertainment Tonight that her character Lynette will be surprised when she discovers that her mother has a new fiancé, played by former Dallas star Larry Hagman. 'This is a fantastic storyline where my mother comes to visit and tells us that she's getting married,' she explained. 'So I say - she's been married three times - I say I'd like to meet this guy.' However, Huffman explained that Lynette will be unimpressed with her mother's new beau, saying: 'He is this abrasive, obnoxious, cantankerous, old curmudgeon.'

Peter Fonda found a dead body inside a car in Los Angeles while driving in the city yesterday, according to police. The Easy Rider star had noticed an apparently unresponsive man in the vehicle on Sunset Boulevard and stopped to investigate, reports Sky News. The Oscar nominated actor is reported to have immediately called the authorities, who are now investigating what happened. The police have not released any further details about the incident, although have said that Fonda is not a suspect.

And so to yer actual Keith Telly Topping's 45 of the day. Here's Johnny Wakelin, dear blog reader. On German TV. Signing about two big hard black American boxers beating the roaring crud out of each other. In Zaire.
'Seven rounds of torture there.'

1 comment:

Lee Ratbag said...

Bloody hell, haven't heard "In Zaire" since...well, probably 1976. Looking back, it seems pretty clear that was where Adam Ant nicked his sound from. That's when he wasn't ripping off old Rolf Harris tunes... ;)