From The North...: Apocalypse ... When We Get There

Monday, December 29, 2008

Apocalypse ... When We Get There

This blogger writes, dear From The North reader, in total praise of the Top Gear Viet 'Nam Special (BBC2, 8:00 last night). Listen, it's really very simple. When I grow up, I want to be Jeremy Clarkson. You get to tear-ass around 'Nam on a Vespa to a soundtrack of The Who, The Stones and The Beach Boys. Exactly like the US Fifth Infantry in 1969. Only, using marginally less drugs. Allegedly.

I salute you, boys (particularly for the bit where James fell in the sea, that was just comedy genius). Apparently they've had their budget cut for next year ('like most people at the BBC we haven't got a pot-to-piss-in' was Andy Wilman's somewhat less-than-thrilled comment on their blog recently). So, their plan is to do thirteen episodes at their usual cost and one really cheap one. And, you know what, just watch I'll bet that one'll be the best of the lot.

Meanwhile, check out this ludicrous malarkey. God save us all from fat American armchair lawyers!

This is Francis Ford Topping, down in the bunker hollering 'CHARLIE'S OUT ON THE WIRE!'

Disclaimer (A Slight Return)

All of the opinions expressed within this most opinionated of blogs - unless specifically indicated otherwise - are Keith Telly Topping's own. They should not, in any way, be thought of as reflecting (either collectively or individually) the views of any of the various media organisations, broadcasters, publishing companies or periodicals for which this blogger has freelanced in the past, or may be employed by in the future. Or, indeed, anyone else other than Keith Telly Topping his very self.

This blogger's opinions on all manner of subjects, his political and spiritual beliefs, the choice of which TV shows he likes and dislikes, which newspapers and books he chooses to read and, indeed, which football team he used to have the misfortune to follow are his own and expression of them is Keith Telly Topping's right within a free and democratic society. (Which, for all of Britain's faults in other areas in 2024, it just about still is.) If you disagree with any of the opinions expressed here, then please feel free to start your own blog and say whatever is on your mind to your own dear blog fiends. That is, after all, what blogs are for.

This blogger encourages everyone to use those freedoms - which many brave men and women have struggled, suffered and died to attain and then maintain over the years - to express your opinions upon whatever subjects you desire and whenever you see fit in a public forum. Within - of course - the boundaries of The Law as it currently stands.

Please remember there are, sadly, many parts of the world where citizens do not have similar liberties and who would probably love the opportunity to enjoy some of the freedoms that we in the West, all too often it would seem, take for granted.

Copyright - An Important Notice

During 2015, this blog received three separate "take-down" notices from blogger.com regarding individual pages of From The North relating to - alleged - copyright material posted on this blog. All of which were compiled with despite an extremely unhelpful attitude from those making the requests in telling Keith Telly Topping exactly *what* they - or, specifically, a third party - wished him to remove from the page(s) in question. Therefore, please note, From The North is an entirely non-profit making blog compiled by Keith Telly Topping in his spare time. Almost all of the images used on this blog to illustrate a particular story come via Google Images. No attempt is made to infringe on anyone elses copyright - and the same goes to any links provided to You Tube. I am perfectly happy to remove any links or images from any particular page which are copyrighted (within reason, of course), but it would greatly help if I knew which one (or ones) are at issue. If you are a copyright holder and you believe that something has been posted on From The North which shouldn't be here, please contact this blogger directly via email. Keith Telly Topping is a reasonable chap - mostly - and is sure we can work something out to the mutual satisfaction of all concerned.

Who He Is & How He Came To Be

A full-time survivor, dandy highwayman, bon vivant, self-unemployed author, journalist and broadcaster Keith Telly Topping's bibliography includes over forty books on mainly pop culture subjects. He was the co-editor of two editions of The Guinness Book of Classic British TV and has written or co-written factual volumes on television series as diverse as The X-Files, Star Trek, The Avengers, 24, Buffy The Vampire Slayer, Angel, Charmed, The Sweeney and Stargate SG-1 as well as music, film and literary critique. He authored four Doctor Who novels (including the award-winning The Hollow Men, with Martin Day) and a novella. His work includes two editions of the acclaimed The West Wing programme guide Inside Bartlet’s White House, A Vault Of Horror: A Book Of Eighty Great (and not-so-great) British Horror Movies, Do You Want To Know A Secret?: A Fab Anthology Of Beatles Facts and Doctor Who: The Discontinuity Guide. He was a regular contributor to numerous TV and genre magazines and was a former Contributing Editor to DreamWatch. He is widely considered to be one of Britain's foremost experts on the bewildering complexities of US network television. No, he hasn't the faintest idea why either.

Notoriously suave, articulate and a right wow with the ladies (allegedly), Keith Telly Topping was born in Newcastle Upon Tyne on the very day that his beloved (though even then unsellable) United lost three-two at home to Northampton Town. Things haven't improved much since. He was the presenter of the monthly The Book Club (2006-08) and the daily Keith Telly Topping & His Top TV Tips preview slot on BBC Newcastle (2005-2012). He contributed to the BBC television series I ♥ the 70s, Call The Cops and The Perfect Detective and has also written for Sounds, the Daily Telegraph, The Sunday Times Culture Supplement, Radio Times, TV Zone, The Doctor Who Magazine and many other publications and periodicals.

Keith Telly Topping writes, and occasionally performs stand-up, and has written radio comedy, co-wrote the stage musical comedy Monopolise! (performed at the 2011 Edinburgh Festival with Alfie Joey and Mark Deeks) and two TV pilots both of which are, currently, stuck in 'Development Hell.' A failed pop star at the age of fourteen as bass guitarist in (the never-legendary) Slime, Keith Telly Topping lives, works and occasionally sleeps on Tyneside. His interests include foreign travel, listening to bowel-shatteringly loud pop music, socialising with friends, eating in nice Chinese restaurants, watching football and cricket, reading, British horror movies of the 1960s and 70s, military, political and social history and lots of other malarkey and shenanigans too numerous to list.

Keith Telly Topping still dines out on the tale of how he and three friends once - accidentally - stalked George Harrison down pretty much the entire length of Oxford Street. True story.

A Mod's Odyssey

Keith Telly Topping is a fifty nine year old geezer. He has survived pop, power-pop, glam-rock, prog-rock, Krautrock, punk, post-punk, mod, ska, synth-pop, indie-pop, indie-rock, post-indie, neo-indie, goth, post-goth, shoegazing, soul, funk, blues, rhythm & blues, jazz-funk, jazz-fusion, house, acid-house, acid-jazz, reggae, rap, hip-hop, trip-hop, trance, Madchester, grunge, post-grunge, Britpop, dadrock, techno, hardcore, urban, jungle, drum n' bass, handbag, garage, contemporary UK R&B, glam-metal, thrash-metal, death-metal, black-metal, nu-metal, ragga, bhangra, two-step tanga and the English folk revival-revival. And then, sometime around 2007, he thought ... 'Nah, sorry, that's me done. Can I have some milky cocoa, a pair of slippers and a copy of Mojo now please?'

Yer Keith Telly Topping's Favourite TV Shows Include

In no particular order other than those that occur to me ...

Doctor Who, The West Wing, Qi, Life On Mars, Sherlock, Top Gear, Whatever Happened To The Likely Lads?, Buffy The Vampire Slayer, Borgen, Lost, Our Friends In The North, The Sweeney, True Detective, Star Trek, The Avengers, The Simpsons, CSI: Crime Scene Investigation, The Planets, Time Team, Auf Wiedersehen Pet, Angel, The Prisoner, State of Play, Porridge, The X Files, Rutland Weekend Television, Randall & Hopkirk (Deceased), Coast, Being Human, House Of Cards, Bones, The Black Adder, The Shield, Millennium (season 2 only), In The Red, 24, Ashes To Ashes, House, Monkey, The Wire, UFO, Mock The Week, [spooks], Waking The Dead, Captain Scarlet & The Mysterons, Drop The Dead Donkey, Ideal, The Rockford Files, Top Of The Pops, Rising Damp, The Blacklist, MasterChef, Department S, Luther, Grandstand, A Man Called Ironside, Lie To Me, Ripping Yarns, Jonathan Creek, Not The Nine O'Clock News, Stargate SG-1, A Bit of Fry & Laurie, I, Claudius, Columbo, The Brothers, Dad's Army, Match Of The Day, Is It Bill Bailey?, The South Bank Show, Inspector Morse, Broadchurch, The Goodies, The Invaders, Coronation Street (up to some point in the mid-80s), The Champions, Foyle's War, The Culture Show, Callan, Soccer AM, Torchwood, When The Boat Comes In, Pushing Daisies, The Morecambe & Wise Show, Sharpe, Touching Evil, Have I Got News For You?, Man In A Suitcase, Arena, Twin Peaks, Secret Army, Hawaii Five-0, Spiral, Between The Lines, Shoot, Harry Hill's TV Burp, Cosmos, The Young Ones, Washes Whiter, Danger UXB, World In Action, The Fall, The Sky At Night, The Shadow Line, Monty Python's Flying Circus, The Duchess Of Duke Street, Z Cars, Pandora's Box, Wire In The Blood, Omnibus, The Omega Factor, NCIS, Absolutely, This Week, Adam Adamant Lives!, The Tube, Ace Of Wands, Kojak, The Old Grey Whistle Test, Civilisation, The Ascent Of Man, The World At War, Dave Allen At Large.

... and so on for another fourteen pages.

Comments

Depressing to report the From The North Comments Section which this blogger reopened due to popular(ish) demand has been closed again. This is because of a further - entirely unwanted - deluge of correspondence to this blog from an extremely tiresome online stalker whose behaviour caused its closure in the first place. A rather dispiriting example of the Twenty First Century at its most crummy.

This blog operates a zero tolerance policy towards rude arseholes, racists, homophobes, transphobes, bigots and crass overgrown school bullies. If you want to indulge in any of those sort of things then you can go somewhere else and do it (though it'd be preferable for everyone if you didn't). Be advised, however, that you are not any getting space on my blog to spread your repulsive views.

appreciate what you've got while you've got it

The BBC is, of course, a British institution and national treasure that we should all be proud of. It is also - much more importantly - a World Class broadcaster with a global reputation for journalistic honesty, integrity, balance, innovation, creativity and quality. Ironically, the only places in the world where it *isn't* highly regarded are in knobcheese fascist dictatorships like Iran and China and in its own backyard where shit-scum politicians and pond-lice newspapers with a, sick, agenda use it as their own personal punch-bag. This is WRONG. This blog supports the BBC and believes that it is high time the people of this country - to whom, after all, the BBC *belongs* - stand up for themselves and remind such crass, ignorant bullies that the BBC is BETTER than all of them put together. Even if its Director General is a wretched spineless coward who, seemingly, believes that "impartiality" is letting Tories goosestep all over you and everyone who works for you.