Monday, August 29, 2011

Oh Dad! She's Driving Me Mad!

Let's start with the great news before we get on to the good, the bad and the ugly. Qi returns to BBC2 on 9 September for its ninth - 'I' - series. First episode is I Spy, with Jimmy Carr, Lee Mack and Sandi Toksvig. The extended Qi: XL will return on Saturday 10 September at 9pm. There is also rumoured to be a Making of ... documentary to be shown that evening as well. There, that's the great news.

Sherlock has been named Best Terrestrial Programme at Saturday night's Arqiva Channel of the Year Awards, while ITV was crowned the top terrestrial channel. At the Edinburgh International Television Festival, BBC1's flagship drama series - starring Benedict Cumberbatch and Martin Freeman - scooped the terrestrial programme honours. Elsewhere in the ceremony hosted by the comedian Russell Kane (very popular with students), ITV was named Terrestrial Channel of the Year for the first time in the history of the awards. For its cutting-edge diet of soaps, talents shows and, erm ... Well, that's about it, really. 'Digital Channel of the Year' was handed to BBC3 (no doubt the grinding of teeth from various snobs at the Gruniad Morning Star, the Daily Torygraph and the Daily Scum Mail), and E4's The Inbetweeners - which is now a hit movie - took home the Digital Programme of the Year award for the second year running. Among the three new categories at this year's awards, Indie of the Year was given to TalkThames, the production firm behind The X Factor, Britain's Got Talent and The Apprentice. Channel Four and Endemol's live game show The Million Pound Drop was awarded the Cross Platform Innovation Award for its interactive online game. Rob Leech won Producer or Director Debut for My Brother The Islamist, the acclaimed documentary which was broadcast on BBC3. E4's cult drama Misfits celebrated winning The Network And Fast Track Programme Choice Award at the tenth consecutive Channel of the Year Awards.

Doctor Who achieved a more decent overnight ratings on Saturday as it returned for its six-episode autumn run. Let's Kill Hitler, reportedly Matt Smith's 'favourite episode to date,' had an average overnight audience of 6.23m at 7.15pm. It was BBC1's most watched programme of the night and second only across all of the terrestrial channels to The X Factor which pulled in 10.6m, slightly down on last week's 2011 debut. Doctor Who Confidential was then watched by four hundred and sixty eight thousand viewers on BBC3 between 8pm and 8.45pm. Saturday's episode had more overnight viewers than June's mid-season finale A Good Man Goes To War, which had an overnight audience of five and a half million at the earlier start time of 6.40pm. The BBC was criticised by some of the more mouthy end of fandom earlier this year for showing episodes during the 6pm hour. However, showrunner Steven Moffat points out - on an almost daily basis - that the popular family SF drama's extraordinarily high timeshift audience and BBC iPlayer figures tend to get forgotten whenever anyone starts doing articles on Doctor Who's 'ratings.' For example, the previously mentioned A Good Man Goes To War had a final consolidated audience figure of 7.51m thanks to a near two million timeshift. The episode's seven day 'reach' audience, taking into account BBC3 repeats and iPlayer figures took the total audience for the episode above ten million. Currently Let's Kill Hitler tops iPlayer's 'Most Popular' list, while BBC3 broadcast catch-up repeats every Friday evening.
And speaking of Matt Smith, the first pictures have emerged of his forthcoming period Olympic drama, Bert and Dickie.
Yep that is, indeed, Matt Smith, not Les Dawson doing Cosmo Smallpiece.

Billie Piper will play a lead role in new BBC3 comedy Tom and Jenny. The former Secret Diaries of a Call Girl and Doctor Who star will play Jenny, one half of a feuding couple who have split up, but refuse to leave their shared house. Penned by Star Stories and Kevin Bishop Show writer Lee Hupfield and directed by The Inbetweeners Movie's Ben Palmer, the Objective Productions pilot was one of a raft of new shows announced by BBC3 controller Zai Bennett over the weekend. 'It's been a busy five months since I started with the channel but my thoughts for BBC3 are starting to take shape,' said Bennett. 'These programmes reaffirm my commitment to continue investing in new British comedy and quality documentaries for a young audience.' Tom and Jenny joins a new-look line-up of comedies on BBC3 including a second series of Will Mellor's White Van Man and Sharon Horgan's highly-anticipated new series Life Story. Other news shows confirmed by Bennett included documentaries Gareth Gates Stammer House, a Born Survivors season and comedian Andrew Maxwell's 9/11 - Conspiracy Road Trip.

Professor Brian Cox - you know, him that used to be in D: Ream - has said at the Edinburgh International Television Festival over the weekend that the BBC has a vital role to play in pushing science programming into primetime. Foxy Coxy was giving the alternative MacTaggart Lecture to Friday night's landmark speech from Eric Schmidt, in which Google's executive chairman said that the search engine giant can help build a bright future for the television industry (see below). However, Schmidt also bemoaned the lack of passion among young people in the UK for science, computing and engineering, which he feels is due to a lack of proper inspiration in education and culture. Former pop star turned physics professor Cox said that he now spends most of his nights 'explaining thermodynamics to people in pubs' after starring in a range of hit science shows on BBC2. His shows including the breakthrough hit Wonders of the Solar System - which attracted around four million viewers per episode - and Stargazing Live - which pulled in around three million - have made Foxy one of the BBC's rising stars. If you'll pardon the pun. His programmes have also generated two hundred thousand in book sales. Cox, who is still an academic at the University of Manchester, wants to 'make Britain the best place in the world for science and engineering,' and he feels that the BBC can play an important part in pushing science into the mainstream, particularly as the corporation's unique funding model enables it to back primetime science shows. Wonders of the Solar System and its follow up Wonders of the Universe were lavish programmes, costing hundreds of thousands of pounds to produce as Cox was sent all over the world to visually explain physics concepts. For example, one particular sequence featured Cox travelling to Death Valley in California to calculate the temperature of the sun using an umbrella, a thermometer and a tin of water. 'If I said to Channel Four that I wanted to make Wonders of Life, which is the next one in the series, would there be the funding model there for it?' Cox asked. He added that few broadcasters beyond the BBC would have taken the 'massive financial risk' of approving the original investment in the show when Cox was an unknown presenter, despite his music background. Cox said that there has been a shift in young people's interest in science due to 'the BBC's commitment to science programming.' He pointed not only to his own shows, but also programmes such as Bang Goes The Theory. He said that BBC2's controller Janice Hadlow 'doesn't mind' about the ratings when commissioning, but rather wants programme makers to feel free to 'make great content.' However, the BBC's science coverage is certainly not without criticism. Last month, a review conducted by University College London emeritus professor Steve Jones highlighted that BBC journalists sometimes give too much weight to what he described as 'fringe views' on controversial stories such as climate change and GM crops in the interests of balance. Cox welcomed the review findings, claiming that 'science is the best process we have to get answers, and it must be reported on with proper balance.' He added that when there is a 'peer-reviewed concensus' on scientific subjects, this should be reflected by the BBC. As Cox is now something of a celebrity, he often has young people asking him how to break into science programme presenting. 'What I say to kids is the reason why I have been able to make programmes is because I got a degree and a PhD in science,' he says. In a sense, Cox feels that this is a 'strong message' which runs counter to talent shows such as The X Factor, in that people are encouraged to become experts in their field and then make the jump to being star presenters. Cox feels that science shows are well on the way to becoming mainstream, demonstrating that high ratings can be achieved with content that also has educational value. He pointed to a forthcoming, big budget remake of the acclaimed Cosmos solar system series being developed by FOX and the producers of Family Guy in the US as potentially proving to be a 'big turning point' for science programming in America. The professor added that science must be in the 'prime seat in popular culture' if new blood is to be brought into the physics-based industries that underpin sixty per cent of the UK's GDP.

BBC1 is aiming to broadcast more shows for older viewers, in a bid to reflect the channel's late middle-aged audience. According to the BBC1 controller, Danny Cohen, the average age of a BBC1 viewer is 'about fifty' and he believes that the channel should put on more programmes aimed at them. Speaking at the Edinburgh International Television Festival on Saturday, Cohen said that as 'the average audience age [of BBC1's audience] is around fifty it would be good to reflect that back to people. New talent doesn't have to mean young. Talent can be all sorts of ages. BBC1 reaches eighty per cent of the public each week, and the most young people of any channel,' he added. 'So we need to find programmes that appeal to young people, but we need to reflect the audience back to itself, and have talent of all ages.' This represents something of a step change for Cohen, thirty six, who is the youngest ever BBC1 controller and who was previously in charge of youth-oriented digital channel BBC3. In addition to providing more shows for older viewers, Cohen said he wants BBC1 'to be known for being innovative and experimental.' He announced that next year his channel will broadcast the largest live natural history broadcast in the BBC's history. Called Fight For Life, it will follow young animals from around the world as struggle for survival over the first four weeks of their lives next spring. Cohen also revealed that for the first time, BBC1 will broadcast a series of improvised dramas and four sitcom pilots in a bid to 'supercharge' comedy on his channel. He declined to comment on what effect the forthcoming twenty per cent savings the BBC is having to make as a result of last year's licence fee settlement freeze will have on his channel, saying that he does not yet know what his budget will be. And, he said he will once again ensure the that the new series of Strictly Come Dancing does not clash with The X Factor, adding: 'I'm not massively interested whether we beat it or not. On BBC1, you want people to watch the programmes,' he said but added that you need 'a mix of the popular and intelligent programming like Panorama.' Cohen has vowed that audiences will see a 'big step change' in the channel's drama output towards the end of this year. Cohen said drama on the channel would be key to addressing a report from the BBC Trust into BBC1, which said the channel had to show more creative ambition at 9pm. He revealed that from Christmas there will be a 'huge amount of new drama on BBC1,' with around twenty one new series and serials being broadcast from the end of the year. He promised that viewers will see changes in terms of the 'breadth and range' of dramas to be broadcast, and claimed 'we will be expressing ourselves in different ways.' Cohen added that while there will be returning favourites, including Sherlock and Luther (see below), there will be 'new high-quality shows as well.' He said that he wanted to make sure there is more than just crime in BBC1's schedules, and said: 'Crime is a staple and much loved staple, but if your ambition is to have creative range and to take risks you need to be doing things other than crime as a big part of your mix.' One of Cohen's new commissions outside of the crime genre is The Village, written by Criminal Justice's Peter Moffat, while another will be a previously announced serial by Dominic Savage called Love Life, starring David Tennant, Billie Piper, Ashley Walters and David Morrissey. And, sadly, Jane Horrocks. The serial will be created by improvisation. In entertainment, Cohen said the 6pm tea-time Saturday slot was a priority for him, but he admitted this was a hard slot to fill as 'you are not spending the money you would on something like The X Factor or Strictly Come Dancing.' Cohen defended the flop BBC1 game show Don't Scare The Hare. He admitted that the Jason Bradbury-fronted teatime series 'didn't work,' which might be the understatement of the decade, but claimed that it was right for the broadcaster to take risks on 'creative and innovative ideas.' Which is true. Although quite what that statement has to do with Don't Scare The Hare he didn't elaborate. 'Some [shows] will work and some won't. You have to be prepared to fail,' he said. 'It didn't quite catch on. People didn't engage with the robot in the way we hoped.' Yeah, that'll be the reason why it failed then. Because of the robot. The fact that the show was moronic, lowest-common-denominator shite that should never have been commissioned in a million years doesn't enter into it, obviously. Cohen added that he was on the lookout for new formats to fill the 'Total Wipeout teatime slot,' which he described as one of the trickiest to schedule. Cohen admitted there would be less on BBC1 next year, with So You Think You Can Dance not returning. To which there were cheers in the auditorium. Interviewer Jeremy Vine questioned Cohen on the differences between BBC1 and BBC2 now that the former has nabbed Miranda whilst Qi was going in the opposite direction. Cohen appeared to imply that there's not much rhyme or reason to the methodology about what goes where. 'We just want some shows to reach the biggest audience possible,' he noted. He added that he doesn't want 'rigid' channel barriers. 'You need fluidity,' he argued. He also confirmed that EastEnders will not stop for the Olympics. 'You don't want to miss EastEnders,' he added. Perish the very thought.

as noted above, the big announcement made by Danny Cohen was that he had ordered a third series of Luther, the psychological crime drama starring Idris Elba, which recently enjoyed a hugely popular second series. The re-commissioning of Luther comes despite Cohen's previous statements about wanting to moving away from crime/detective dominated dramas, a reason given for his decision not to renew the Italian based drama Zen for a second series despite its relatively good performance. A second four-part series of Luther broadcast on BBC1 in June to consistently stronger audiences than the six-part first series in 2010. And, better stories as well, frankly. The second series, on average, had over five million viewers and was well-received by critics. And by this blog! Luther also stars Paul McGann, Warren Brown, Aimee-Ffion Edwards and Ruth Wilson. There's no word yet as to how many episodes the third series will have, or when it will be broadcast, though one would imagine it will be sometime in mid-to-late 2012. Idris Elba's next project will be Pacific Rim which is scheduled to begin principal photography in October. It's possible that the actor could very well go straight into Luther production shortly after that. Idris himself has already expressed his desire for a big screen version of Luther. 'The ultimate Luther story will unfold on the big screen,' he said in an interview a couple of months ago.

Another very welcome announcement from Danny Cohen concerned the Scottish stand-up comedian Kevin Bridges who has secured his first primetime show on BBC1. What's The Story? will feature Bridges getting to the bottom of burning questions such as 'Why would any self-respecting party-goer want to take a microwave to the party?' and 'Is it possible to buy a Nissan Micra for forty quid?' Bridges' comedy and entertainment series will look into his family life, friends and upbringing in Clydebank. 'I'm delighted at the news that someone at the BBC has deemed me worthy enough to be let loose with a camera crew in an attempt to make something funny,' said Bridges. 'I'm excited at being given this opportunity and to be able to produce the show from Scotland is an added bonus. It'll be great to see something on national TV made from Scotland that doesn't have an appeal for witnesses before the closing credits.' Cohen, added: 'It's great to have a major new show for BBC1 starring one of Scotland's brightest new talents. Kevin is a unique comedian, and he's part of our plan to develop the next generation of talent for BBC1.' Cohen added that the return of  Lee Mack's Not Going Out for another - fifth - series is not confirmed. He also claimed that he wants more comedy panel shows.

Meanwhile, in another Edinburgh session, full-of-his-own-importance Ricky Gervais praised BBC4 but said that the amount of red tape within the BBC could stifle creativity. When asked why some of his recent shows have been made for Sky, rather than the BBC, Gervais said: 'Honestly for all their faults, I haven't got a bad thing to say about [the BBC]. The BBC never interfered with anything I've done and The Office wouldn't have happened without them. BBC4 is an amazing channel and I would hate to lose something like that, sometimes you need art for art's sake. On the downside you get a lot of red tape. A lot of people join the BBC keep their head down and die at sixty five, you can't get fired from the BBC.'

Miranda Hart has claimed that she doesn't believe that Miranda is a middle-class comedy. Speaking at Edinburgh, Hart described her sitcom as 'universal. I don't think about being middle-class or writing a middle-class sitcom,' she said. 'I really shy away from labels in comedy. Funny is funny. It's irrelevant really. If you wrote a middle-class sitcom, the problems would be a broken Land Rover or buying a new watch. My problems in Miranda are universal. It's classless.' All of which is utter bollocks, of course - if Miranda isn't a middle class sitcom then nothing is! That doesn't mean it isn't funny, mind! Hart confessed that she did have concerns about the show's move to BBC1, claiming that 'two or three million more viewers are expected.' On the subject of the show's breakout success, she added: 'I can't believe it, I'm still in shock. I knew we'd do excellent with the WI, but I really didn't think the broad demographic would. I knew the industry wouldn't because studio shows get slammed.' She also played down stories about her wanting to star in Doctor Who, adding: 'Everyone wants to be in Doctor Who! We all want to be in Downton Abbey and Doctor Who.'

Channel Five's controller Jeff Ford has explained the decision to axe the Big Brother live feed. Ford claimed that people had 'moved on' from watching the live feed and cited a drop in numbers of live feed viewers in the later Channel Four years as a primary reason for the decision. 'We could have done it if we wanted to,' he said during a Q&A session at the Edinburgh TV Festival. 'Channel Four did do live streaming, but then they did less and less and less, then it became subscription so it hasn't completely changed radically. There was a time when people sleeping or something major happening was the most interesting thing and you had to watch Big Brother, but then we all moved on.' Ford said that Channel Five had opted to spend the cash on Facebook and Twitter applications and the biggest ever house rather than the feed. He also teased 'more surprises' in the current celebrity series, confessing that 'there are still more celebs to go in.' Well, since the people who are in there already are anything but 'celebs', one might be nice.

The BBC4 controller, Richard Klein, has said that his channel is 'not going to be axed,' but confirmed its scope is likely to be reduced. Speaking at the Edinburgh International Television Festival on Friday, Klein said that inevitably his digital channel would feel the effects of the twenty per cent cuts the BBC is making across the board due to last year's licence fee settlement freeze. 'BBC4 will not be axed as far as I'm aware. Obviously it's still under review. Will BBC4 face some consequences of the BBC-wide reduction in our funding of twenty per cent? I'd imagine so. It's inevitable,' he added. An online Save BBC4 petition, launched earlier this month after the Gruniad Morning Star - who else? - reported that the channel was facing cuts, has attracted more than eighteen thousand signatures in ten days. Or, you know, 0.001 per cent of the average audience of an episode of The X Factor. Klein said the campaign to save BBC4 was 'flattering' but irrelevant and reiterated: 'The channel is not going to be axed. That's not going to happen.' However, he added that it was 'difficult to see the vast majority of savings coming from cutting budgets further' and said that viewers will notice a difference on screen. 'People will see a difference, I'm sure. You can't take twenty per cent out of the BBC and not.' He said drama will continue on the channel but did not go into any detail about its scope. BBC executives are reported to be considering reducing BBC4's UK originated drama and comedy output, with the focus shifting to so-called 'arts and archive' programming. Despite BAFTA award-winning single dramas such as The Road to Coronation Street and biopic Enid, some corporation executives have questioned whether BBC2 should instead be broadcasting such shows. BBC4 has also commissioned a smaller number of comedies, such as The Thick Of It and Getting On, which have attracted critical acclaim. 'One thing that will be true is that the channel as far as I'm concerned will stay true to its ideals of what we do as much as we can.' Klein said he did not think BBC4 should be annexed by BBC2 in the way that 6Music has been by Radio 2. He passionately defended the channel, saying 'BBC4 is completely different,' adding, 'I don't think there's any call at the moment to say that BBC2 and BBC4 fit that well.' Klein also eased fears about the future of original drama on BBC4 by announcing plans for an adaptation by Dick Clement and Ian La Frenais of Alan Furst's The Spies Of Warsaw. The story spans the decade from 1933, against a backdrop of Nazi Germany expanded its power and influence across Europe and eventually provoking the outbreak of the second world war with its invasion of Poland. Klein also unveiled a new arts series called Art Nouveau, a new series later next year on the recession, plus Jo Brand will look at kissing for a new show and a season of programming about the British Army.

Sky1's controller Stuart Murphy has admitted that he tried poaching Gavin & Stacey and The Inbetweeners from the BBC and Channel Four respectively. Presumably because Sky can't come up with any original comedy ideas of their own. Murphy revealed at the Edinburgh TV Festival that he actually made an offer to Henry Normal, head of Baby Cow, to try lure the Gavin & Stacey producers into leaving the BBC. Baby Cow were offered two series and a film as part of the deal, he said. 'They wanted to stay at the BBC and finish at the BBC and I respect them for that,' Murphy said. Through gritted teeth, no doubt. Gavin & Stacey creators Ruth Jones and James Corden have both ended up working on new Sky 1 shows instead. Jones has written sitcom Stella, which will air in 2012, whilst that fat unfunny cretin Corden is currently working on a fourth and fifth series of the completely shite panel show A League Of Their Own. Murphy added that he 'tried to nick' The Inbetweeners following its huge success on E4 and said that he was still keen to work with the cast and writers of the show in the future.

The Only Way Is Essex was offered to Channel Four before ITV2, it has been revealed by the show's producers. Lime Pictures' Tony Wood and All3Media's Ruth Wrigley said that they originally pitched the idea for the reality soap to Channel Four, but they were 'snubbed.' Speaking at the Edinburgh TV Festival, the producers said: 'We went to Channel Four first. We pitched it as "Big Brother-meets-Hollyoaks." It's a difficult thing to explain and they thought it would be like The Family.' Wrigley also revealed that the original plan for the show was for it to be based in Bournemouth and that it should focus on the lives of surfers. Speaking about the show's breakout success - among glakes - she added: 'There was a whole generation of viewers who knew how reality TV worked. This was a natural progression. Audiences got it and ten years earlier they wouldn't.' This, ladies and gentlemen, is progress, apparently.

Around half of the savings being made as part of the BBC's Delivering Quality First cost-cutting exercise will come from budgets for programming and other content. With just a few weeks to go until the final proposals from the long-running DQF initiative is made public to staff, BBC Vision chief creative officer, Pat Younge, said the corporation is still looking to make about half of the sixteen per cent cut to operating costs from 'scope' – content budgets. Speaking at Edinburgh on Sunday, Younge said: 'We have to take sixteen per cent out of operating costs. Mark Thompson said from the outset we're looking to take out sixteen per cent and about eight per cent of that from scope, meaning content and the rest coming out of how we do things and how we organise ourselves.' Younge admitted the uncertainty surrounding DQF, which has involved senior executives sifting through numerous cost-cutting options, many proposed by staff, over the past few months, is 'hurting us' but said 'we want to get it right.' The panel at a session called TV Question Time was asked what they would cut from the BBC. ITV director of comedy and entertainment Elaine Bedell, a former BBC Vision executive, said: 'I don't know enough across the board but my hunch is it might be braver to do one big thing than do it piecemeal but that's for the BBC to decide. Only the BBC could come up with DQF – cutting, as the rest of us would call it.' Channel Four director of creative diversity Stuart Cosgrove suggested the BBC 'cut the acronyms' but applauded it for moving programmes out to the regions and nations. Panellist and comedian Dave Gorman questioned why the BBC is moving Breakfast to Salford, when 'This Morning said we're going to have to move to London' because it could not get guests. Cosgrove also spoke about Channel Four's attempted bid for Formula 1 with the BBC: 'We made a bid for F1 that we felt we could afford but money is king and we lost out.'

The chairman of Google has delivered a devastating critique of the UK's education system and said that the country had 'failed to capitalise' on its record of innovation in science and engineering. Delivering the annual MacTaggart lecture in Edinburgh, Eric Schmidt criticised 'a drift to the humanities' and attacked the emergence of two educational camps, each of which 'denigrate the other. To use what I'm told is the local vernacular, you're either a luvvy or a boffin,' he said. Schmidt also criticised Lord Sugar, the Labour peer and star of the BBC programme The Apprentice, who recently claimed on the show that 'engineers are no good at business.' Schmidt told the Edinburgh International TV Festival: 'Over the past century, the UK has stopped nurturing its polymaths. You need to bring art and science back together.' The technology veteran, who joined Google a decade ago to help founders Larry Page and Sergey Brin build the company, said Britain should look to the 'glory days' of the Victorian era for reminders of how the two disciplines can work together. 'It was a time when the same people wrote poetry and built bridges,' he said. 'Lewis Carroll didn't just write one of the classic fairytales of all time. He was also a mathematics tutor at Oxford. James Clerk Maxwell was described by Einstein as among the best physicists since Newton – but was also a published poet.' Schmidt's comments echoed sentiments expressed by Steve Jobs, the chief executive of Apple, who revealed this week that he was stepping down. 'The Macintosh turned out so well because the people working on it were musicians, artists, poets and historians – who also happened to be excellent computer scientists,' Jobs once told the New York Times. Schmidt paid tribute to Britain's record of innovation, saying the UK had 'invented computers in both concept and practice' before highlighting that the world's first office computer 'was built in 1951 by the Lyons chain of teashops.' However, he said the UK had failed to build industry-leading positions or successfully transfer ideas from the drawing board to the boardroom. 'The UK is the home of so many media-related inventions. You invented photography. You invented TV,' he said. 'Yet today, none of the world's leading exponents in these fields are from the UK.' He added: 'Thank you for your innovation, thank you for your brilliant ideas. You're not taking advantage of them on a global scale.' He said British startups tended to sell out to overseas companies once they had reached a certain size, and that this trend needed to be reversed. 'The UK does a great job of backing small firms and cottage industries, but there's little point getting a thousand seeds to sprout if they are then left to wither or transplanted overseas. UK businesses need championing to help them grow into global powerhouses, without having to sell out to foreign-owned companies. If you don't address this, then the UK will continue to be where inventions are born, but not bred for long-term success.' Schmidt said the country that invented the computer was 'throwing away your great computer heritage' by failing to teach programming in schools. 'I was flabbergasted to learn that today computer science isn't even taught as standard in UK schools,' he said. 'Your IT curriculum focuses on teaching how to use software, but gives no insight into how it's made.' Barack Obama announced in June that the US would train an extra ten thousand engineers a year. 'I hope that others will follow suit – the world needs more engineers. I saw the other day that on The Apprentice Alan Sugar said engineers are no good at business,' he said. 'If the UK's creative businesses want to thrive in the digital future, you need people who understand all facets of it integrated from the very beginning. Take a lead from the Victorians and ignore Lord Sugar: bring engineers into your company at all levels, including the top.' Schmidt also announced that Google TV, which allows users to search the Internet on their TV sets, would be launched in Europe early next year, with the UK 'among the top priorities.' The product is already available in America, although sales have been disappointing. Schmidt said Google TV did not threaten broadcasters and would enable them to experiment with new formats online. He defended the company's contribution to the TV industry, pointing out that it had invested billions of dollars in IT infrastructure that media companies use. Google also announced it would fund a new course in online production and distribution at the National Film & Television School in London for three years.
Labour is seeking cross-party support to tighten rules on media takeovers in the wake of the controversy over News Corporation's bid for BSkyB. Shadow lack of culture secretary Ivan Lewis wants a wider public interest test and greater powers for the government to intervene in the process. The News Corp bid for BSkyB was withdrawn amid claims of phone-hacking at its newspaper Scum of the World. A Tory 'source' allegedly said that the government was already committed to reform. BBC's political correspondent Carole Walker said that News Corp's bid to gain full control of the digital broadcaster was controversial even before the phone hacking row scuppered the deal. The main question for regulators was whether the takeover would leave sufficient plurality in the media market. The BBC says that Labour wants a much wider public interest test to be applied from the start of a media takeover process. The party is calling for the lack of culture secretary - the vile and odious rascal Hunt - to be given more power to intervene and order regulators to consider whether a bidder is a 'fit and proper person' to run a media company. The Conservative 'source' allegedly said that the issue would be considered as part of Lord Leveson's independent inquiry into phone hacking and media practices. Lord Leveson will make recommendations on media plurality, regulation and cross-media ownership by July 2012. News Corporation has closed the Scum of the World but still owns the Sun, The Times, The Sunday Times and thirty nine per cent of BSkyB. After the Scum of the World was shut down, Labour leader Ed Milimolimandi called for new media ownership rules to limit what he described in the Observer as News Corp boss Rupert Murdoch's 'dangerous' and 'unhealthy' concentration of power. Deputy Prime Minister Nick Clegg backed Milimolimandi's call. He told the BBC there was a need to 'look again in the round at the plurality rules to make sure there is proper plurality in the British press.' Business Secretary Vince Cable (Lib Dem, allegedly) has also said there should be 'clear' rules on how powerful media groups can be. Cable was responsible for media ownership rules until he was recorded by a pair of Copper's Narks from the Torygraph saying that he had 'declared war' on Rupert Murdoch in December.

BBC1 is set to make a series of comedy pilots, similar to Channel Four's Comedy Showcase, in an attempt to find the next big sitcom. Danny Cohen said he does not get offered enough scripts for the mainstream audience. He said: 'Comedy in all its forms is incredibly important for BBC One but we don't get enough great sitcom scripts coming through – so I’m delighted to be announcing this initiative. By committing to a group of [broadcastable] pilots, we hope to help unearth a new generation of national comic gem.' The BBCs controller of comedy commissioning, Cheryl Taylor added: 'The BBC's commitment to laugh-out-loud comedy is as strong as ever and we hope that this dedicated pilot initiative will galvanise writers to think about more inventive, likeable and enduring characters for our mainstream channel. We are very proud to have shows like Mrs Brown's Boys, In With The Flynns and Outnumbered on BBC1, but there is certainly room for more.' Cohen experimented with broadcast pilots during his time as head of BBC3. He added that he was inviting writers to send in scripts by November, with the best being broadcast by the middle of next year. Details of how to enter scripts will be released soon.

Bill Nighy has revealed he never watches himself on screen nor reads reviews of his work. Despite his status as one the UK acting scene's stalwarts, with recent roles in movie's like The Boat That Rocked, Pirates of the Caribbean and Love Actually and the BBC's excellent Page Eight, the actor will do anything to avoid reading reviews of his work. He said: 'I can't take it. Frankly, I can't pay the price so I don't do it any more. I never used to be able to resist reading them, got burned a couple of times and thought, "I can't take it!" Similarly, if I'm doing theatre and I'm told I peak in the second act during a particular passage, that's not good for me either, because I'll become too wonderful,' he joked. Another awful thing about acting, he added, was having to audition when he first started out. He said: 'I can't exaggerate how horrible a life of auditioning is. Imagine if you had to go fifty times a year to some place to meet strangers who for the most part were not over-excited about meeting you, to demonstrate your job, and ninety per cent of the time they say "no." That's what actors do. It can't be overstated how wonderful it is not to have to audition any more. Any actor will tell you, it's like Christmas.'

X Factor judge Louis Walsh is said to be 'livid' with Simon Cowell after being 'lumbered' with Sinitta as a mentor. Ooo, mad-vexed, so he was. Incandescent with rage. It is understood that Walsh, the only original judge remaining on the panel, had secured Adele to join him at the Judges' Houses stage of the competition in Barcelona and was 'over the moon.' Like Michael Collins in Apollo 11 only without the spacesuit. However, she was replaced at the last minute by Sinitta, who traditionally helped former judge Cowell pick his acts for the live shows, the Sunday Mirra reports. 'One minute he was lined up with an international star who's the woman of the moment, the next he was lumbered with an '80s has-been whose high point was the questionable number two hit 'So Macho',' a 'source' allegedly said. One whom, it would seem, has some taste in music but, also, an almost Asperger's-like memory for chart positions. 'Adele was really "up for it" and had agreed in principle,' the allegedly snitch added. 'Everyone was ­gobsmacked. Louis tried to find out what had changed and if there was a chance they could keep Adele. But he was told Sinitta was on and it was final.' Adele is now expected to be a guest mentor on The X Factor USA instead. Sinitta's role is apparently a 'kiss and make up' gesture after Cowell chose Mariah Carey as his sidekick in America. Meanwhile, Walsh is reportedly still angry that he was overlooked as head judge on the new-look panel. 'This is entertainment,' he said. 'Gary Barlow is a musician and a songwriter and he doesn't get the novelty value of some acts that I'd get or Simon would get. Simon and I like these odd people, because that's what makes the show.' That's certainly an accurate description of the audience, anyway.

A footballer has sparked controversy by slapping a linesman during a televised match in Uruguay. Montevideo striker Diogo lashed out part way through his team's game against Danubio after receiving a red card for kicking an opponent. Other players and officials immediately rushed to the linesman's aid, while Diogo's teammates escorted the twenty two-year-old off the pitch. Diogo later told El Observador: 'I'm very sorry and I was wrong. Even my mother who was in Brazil watched what I did. I've never experienced anything like this and I was crying on the pitch because I realised that what I had done was bad for my teammates, my family, fans and everyone who was watching.' Diogo claimed that he has tried repeatedly to contact the linesman since the incident. He could be facing a life ban from the game for violating a FIFA statue regarding aggressive behaviour towards officials. Montevideo eventually lost the game 1-0.

The Scum inflicted a very amusing humiliation on The Shit and their embattled manager, Arsene Wenger, with a brutal victory 8-2 at Old Trafford. Sir Alex Ferguson's Premier League leaders responded in spectacular fashion to local rivals Sheikh Yer Manchester City FC's earlier 5-1 win at Spurs by returning to the top of the table with a result that represented Arsenal's worst defeat since 1986. Wenger, already with a face like a smacked arse even before kick-off, sent out a makeshift side depleted by injuries and suspensions - but even that cannot excuse the manner in which they were comprehensively outclassed in all aspects of the pitch and swept aside with such ease by The Scum. Wayne Rooney was United's inspiration with the sixth hat-trick of his Old Trafford career, but Ashley Young also made his mark with two stunning goals. Danny Welbeck, Nani and Park Ji-sung were the other scorers. Theo Walcott reduced United's three-goal advantage on the stroke of half-time but Robin van Persie's strike late in the second half-represented no measure of consolation for a dispirited, broken Arsenal. United keeper David de Gea distinguished himself with a fine penalty save from Van Persie moments after Welbeck had opened the scoring - and in a game of almost unrelenting misery for Arsenal, teenager Carl Jenkinson ensured they have failed to end a game with eleven players in any of their league games so far this season when he was sent off for a second bookable offence. All in all it was a reet good laugh, frankly. Earlier in a bad day for North London, Stottingtot Hotshots had suffered a similar pants-down Arab Strapping at home. Edin Dzeko scored four as Sheikh Yer Manchester City FC maintained their own one hundred per cent start to the season with an impressive display. In the day's other Premiership games, yer actual Keith Telly Topping's beloved (though still unsellable) Magpies kept their unbeaten start to the season going with a 2-1 win over Fulham, Leon Best scoring both goals. And, Stoke maintained their unbeaten start as Ryan Shotton poached a goal in the last minute to consign West Brom to their third straight defeat. Bet that'll put a curl on Adrian Chiles' lip when he gets up bright and early tomorrow for Daybreak. What a shame. The two Manchester clubs top the league with nine points each from three games with Liverpool, Moscow Chelski FC, surprise package Wolves and Newcastle just behind on seven points each. At the bottom, West Bromwich, Blackburn and Spurs remain pointless (although the latter have played one game less than the others in the relegation zone), with Arsenal and Fulham hovering just above with a solitary point from three games.

For today's Keith Telly Topping's 45 of the Day here's a TV tie-in and a stroke of androgynous glam racket from the guys in suede jackets. Before Brett crawled up his own arsehole, when they had Bernard and they were, you know, good!

Saturday, August 27, 2011

Who Do You Think You Are Kidding Mister Hitler?: Danke, Schön Bitte, Schön Wiedersehen

'You should always waste time when you don't have any. Time is not the boss of me.'

Returning from its first proper 'summer break' since about 1976, Doctor Who thankfully remembered an important truism about the Nazis. They might've stomped their big stompy goosestepping leather boots all across Europe for a few years, but they never - not ever - got invited to any of the cool kids parties. That was partly the problem - hence the stomping, one imagines. This is important. And also, funny, ultimately. Which is an interesting prelude to a Doctor Who episode that, actually, in the end had remarkably little to do with either the Nazis in general or Hitler in particular (despite the occasional tomorrow belongs to me vibe). And, despite the title as well. Because what Let's Kill Hitler actually turned out to be, fantastically well-hidden in its pre-publicity, was River Song: Year One. The long, long, long awaited origin story not for who the character was/is, specifially (we knew that already) but rather, and much more importantly, how she actually came to be. 'Shut up dad, I'm focusing on a dress size!' Melody Pond, dear blog reader, 'the woman who killed the Doctor,' and here we actually find out why. And how. Sort of. 'Look at that. Everything changes. Love it! I'm all sort of mature,' River notes after one of the most clever and unexpected regeneration sequences that the programme has ever attempted. As the collective audience just sits there staring at their TV and saying 'But ... But ... But!' And, at that point there's still two-thirds of the episode to go.

Let's Kill Hitler kicks off after the longest and most complex 'Previously On...' round-ups in the history of television - and remember kids, complexity in not a crime, whatever anyone (scum tabloid hack or otherwise) may tell you, unless you actually want it to be. In the pre-titles we get a quite beautiful opening shot establishing a rural idyll of chirping birdsong. And, with the sudden arrival of Rory's orange Mini Cooper (nice!) - crashing through a corn field like its just come off Gambon Corner at the Top Gear test track - a proper sense of time and location. 'Seriously...?!' After that, we get an atypically intense - and amusing - Steven Moffat opening scene, taking in the Doctor (in a really nice new coat) and reintroducing him to Amy and Rory. There's so much going on in this sequence that it's difficult for a while for the viewer to concentrate on any one thing - there's the crop circle iconography, in-jokes and the sudden, unsignposted, arrival of a completely new character, Amy's BFF Mels (Nina Toussaint-White) in her spanking red sports car. Or, at least someone's spanking red sports car anyway. Then, there's a huge info-dump concerning Amy, Rory and Mels' lengthy past. Complete with references to casually naughty teenage pursuits like bus stealing. Well, we've all done it, be fair. Poor Rory - now we understand why he ended up as the sad, crushed victim of society whom we first met in The Eleventh Hour before travelling with the Doctor turned him into The Lone Centurion and a bona-fide action hero. 'Gay!' Yeah, a lot of people thought so. Anyway, we also discover that one of the series most long-lived pieces of 'that never really made any sense' lore - the state of Temporal Grace within which the TARDIS console room is supposed to exist - was, actually, merely 'a clever lie' all along. Yes. A bunch of Cybermen in Earthshock worked that out thirty years ago when their guns worked. Then ... 'you've got a Time Machine, I've got a gun.' Thought you'd never ask. And we're off!
Crash-landing in 1938 in Berlin, the TARDIS arrives just as a shapeshifting robot with a miniaturised crew of time travelling Justice Department alien bureaucrats inside (yes, just like the Numskulls from the Beezer) are about to kill Hitler. Because ... they can. 'Thank you, whoever you are. I think you have just saved my life,' says Das Fuhrer (Albert Welling) having stepped straight out on an episode of 'Allo 'Allo it would seem. 'Believe me, it was an accident,' replies The Doctor with a look on his face that just screams Oh, no! Not again! There's a bit of a kerfuffle and then Rory punches Hitler in the mush and says 'sit still and shut up!' So, definitely not gay, then. 'Rory, take Hitler and put him in the cupboard,' orders The Doctor. 'Right ... Hitler, cupboard.' What happens next wasn't what I suspect most of the audience were expecting at this point, however. Hitler, it turns out is a really rotten shot (and, he's only got one ball, apparently). Himmler, had something similar. Sorry, where were we? Oh yes, seemingly in the middle of The Producers, baby. Hitler's shot missed his intended assassin and hit Mels instead. Just as it appears we're about to say goodbye to a character before we'd even got to know them (Mels, that is, not Hitler), there's a weird glowing yellow light all around her. Hang on, this is all looking a shade familiar. 'It took me years to find you to,' Mels tells Amy. 'I'm glad I did. You see, it all worked out in the end, didn't it?' And, quicker than you can say Raxacoricofallapatorius after six pints of weak lager in the Fitzroy Tavern Mels becomes, of course, River Song. There's a wonderfully played virtually dialogue-free sequence of about twenty seconds as Karen Gillan, Matt Smith and Arthur Darvill sit on Hitler's desk and look blankly at each other whilst Murray Gold's music - elsewhere in the episode all dramatic and eerie - suddenly gets light and fluffy and amused at its own cleverness. Rory pats the Doctor sympathetically on the shoulder as if to say '... No. Me neither, pal!'
As usual with a Moffat episode, the dialogue is truly exceptional. Witty, inventive, smart, occasionally naughty and sometimes just a little bit dangerous: 'You will experience a tingling sensation. Then death,' for instance. And: 'I'm a psychopath, I'm not rude.' And: 'I was on my way to this gay-gypsy Bar Mitzvah for the disabled. When I suddenly though "Gosh, the Third Reich's a bit rubbish! I think I'll kill the Fuhrer!" Who's with me?' And: 'Tip for you all. Never shoot a girl whilst she's regenerating.' And: 'There must be someone in the universe I haven't screwed up yet.' And, of course, it's great stuff - you'd expect little else from Moffat, after all. This is an episode in which, once again, fish fingers and custard saves the universe. Sort of. 'Is anybody else finding today just a bit difficult?' asks Rory. 'I'm getting this sort of banging in my head.' 'Yeah,' replies Amy without blinking. 'I think that's Hitler in the cupboard!' Probably my favourite line of the entire episode is one which will likely have sailed massively over the heads of the majority of the show's younger audience. We get a delighted squeal from River off-screen, followed by 'That's magnificent!' Then she enters the room and exclaims, proudly, that she's going to wear lots of jodpars. Saucy minx! And, at that exact moment, there's confirmation of a piece of information which the drama has been circling around for most of the last three years. 'Meldoy Pond. The woman that kills The Doctor.' Cue a sequence with the banana - always a seasonal highlight for The Moffster, that. Remember kids, if you have a fruit, it's stupid not to use it.
'I'm trapped inside a giant robot replica of my wife. I'm really trying not to see this as a metaphor.' Yes, dear blog reader this was the episode where Rory got most of the best lines! I mean, dozens of them. And he wasn't the only one either. Is killing you going to take all day River asks the Time Lord at one point? Why, are you busy The Doctor demands flirtatiously. And, still the sizzling dialogue continued. 'I'm fine. Well, no, I'm dying. But, I've got a plan.' 'What plan?' demands Amy. 'Not dying!' Can you ride a motorbike Amy asks Rory as he demonstrates, again, his recently acquired action hero credentials. 'I expect so,' he replies with a deadpan look. 'It's that sort of day!' And, all the while old friendships are tested to their absolute limits as The Doctor suffers the ultimate treachery and learns a very harsh lesson in 'the cruellest warfare of all.' Quite literally, he's betrayed by a kiss. Oh, the bottomless pit of dramatic irony. As precious time ebbs away - his, mainly - the Doctor, poisoned by a woman he knows he will, ultimately, love beyond reason - must teach his adversaries (and his friends for that matter) that time travel has both responsibilities and repercussions. And he must succeed before an almighty price is paid. All of this plus an excellent Terminator reference. And, let's not forget the bit where, threatened by merciless alien robotic antibodies, Amy tries the old 'we come in peace' line. 'When has that ever worked?' asks an anguished Rory. The lad's got a point, you know.

So, on board the Justice Department Tessilekta, Rory and Amy get to watch the dying Doctor's confrontation with River through a robot's eyes. 'At least I'm not a time-travelling shapeshifting robot operated by miniaturised cross people. Which I have got to admit, I didn't see coming!' This is woman who, according to their records, kills the Doctor, the ship's Captain charges. To which The Doctor merely replies 'I'm The Doctor, what's it got to do with you?' There's a lengthy explanation about who The Silence and their allies are and when and why they believe that silence will fall. Which, ultimately, turns out to be unknown. 'A fat lot of good you are, you big ginge!' The Doctor tells the Amy robot. There's a rather convoluted five minute sequence in which, the aliens go away leaving Amy and Rory trapped inside their tiny spaceship with psychotic antibodies for company and River comes to understand who she is and what her relationship with The Doctor was, is and will be. See, that's the trouble with time travel, the tenses all get mixed up. 'Never run when you're scared. Rule seven.' The music gets eerie, River is impressed by The Doctor's continued ability to care, even on the edge of death and helps him to rescue her parents, Amy and Rory. 'The Doctor says I'm the child of the TARDIS, what does he mean?' The dying Doctor gives the Ponds' daughter a final instruction, to 'find' River Song. And then he dies - alone and silent just like everybody else.

Of course, that's not the end. How could it be? River does 'find' herself, with Amy's help (and the robot's, to be fair!) And, in a moment dripping with all sorts of religious, iconic and metaphysical overtones, behold, The Miracle of the Resurrection as River gives up her future regenerations to let The Doctor live again. 'Just tell me. The Doctor? Is he worth it?' she asks. Of course he is. 'She did kill me. And then she used the rest of her lives to bring me back. As first dates go, I'd say that was mixed signals.' There's still time for a rather lovely little coda which includes one of the great lines of the series in recent years. 'Rule one: The Doctor lies.' Store that one away for future reference, I've a feeling we may be hearing it again sooner rather than later. River will recover with the Sisters of the Infinite Schism, will return again in future episodes and will be, as The Doctor notes, amazing. Especially, let it be said, if she's wearing jodhpurs. But, much of the mystery that made the character so intriguing and popular with fandom in the first place has now gone and it will be interesting to see the next time The Doctor encounters her, what the knowledge that they now both share will do to their relationship. 'Dangerous thing, foreknowledge,' says The Doctor setting up what I presume will be the plot for series finale with a clang of the Cloister Bell in the distance. True. But then again, 'spoilers' can be equally as tricky.
Doctor Who, dear blog reader, is back. And, as usual, it's about time.

So, after all that, what we need for the latest Keith Telly Topping's 33 of the Day, is clearly, something German. Achtung, Freiwillige Selbstkontrolle, can you oblige us mit eine kleine Nachtmusik? Of course you can!

Week Thirty Six: Shake That Paranoia!

Former private investigator, jailbird and full-time sleazebag Glenn Mulcaire has reportedly revealed the names of the Scum of the World staff who instructed him to carry out phone hacking, his solicitor has confirmed. When he was, you know, 'just following orders.' For wads of cash. The information was passed in a letter to the comedian Steve Coogan's lawyers in accordance with a court order made earlier in the year. Mulcaire had applied for permission to appeal against the order, which was made in February, but this was denied and he was compelled to pass over the details by Friday of last week. His solicitor, Sarah Webb, from Payne Hicks Beach, said that she could not reveal who the Scum of the World employees were because of 'confidentiality issues.' Schillings, which is representing Coogan, has agreed not to reveal the names - yet - to give Payne Hicks Beach a chance to apply for a court order stopping their release. Mulcaire was ordered to reveal who instructed him to access Coogan's voicemails, as well as those of other celebrities including Max Clifford and Elle Macpherson. He was jailed for six months in 2007 for intercepting messages left on royal aides' phones. A spokeswoman for News International when contacted by the Gruniad said that the firm had no comment.

Adrian Chiles's agent has alleged that he spent nine months trying to persuade the BBC not to drop the The ONE Show presenter from the Friday version of the BBC1 magazine programme. Jon Thoday, who represents Chiles and his ONE Show and Daybreak co-host the orange Christine Bleakley, also disputed claims that the presenter's defection to ITV last year was 'about pay.' Thoday said that the whole issue with the BBC was not about staggering greed, that Chiles had been with the show from its 'inauspicious' beginnings and simply had no desire to cut back his involvement in The ONE Show. How ironic, therefore, that it's just been announced that he is soon to cut back his involvement in ITV breakfast flop Daybreak to - wait for it - four days. And, subsequently, no days, one imagines. 'I got a phone call from Jay Hunt [then controller of BBC1] saying we don't want Adrian to do Friday's anymore,' Thoday claimed, speaking in an interview at the Edinburgh International Television Festival on Friday. 'Adrian wanted to do them. It had nothing to do with money, Adrian felt it was his show.' Which it wasn't, it was the BBCs. They were paying for it so, therefore, they can do what they like with it. 'Money wasn't involved in the discussion, it was just someone deciding they didn't like the way things were done. I tried to persuade Jay Hunt to change her mind for about nine months.' Hunt, who has since moved to Channel Four as chief creative officer, decided to drop Chiles from the show on Fridays, bringing in Chris Evans to co-host it with Bleakley. The BBC developed a package to try and keep Chiles - including a chat show, a panel game, The Apprentice: You're Fired! and Match of the Day 2 - only for Chiles to quit in April last year and join ITV to present new breakfast show Daybreak and be the main anchor of the commercial broadcaster's football coverage. Bleakley also quit the BBC shortly afterwards to join Chiles on Daybreak. Thoday, the founder of Avalon, a talent agency and independent production businesses, said that the moving to ITV posed more risk for Chiles's career than staying at the BBC. As, indeed, the subsequently embarrassing disaster that Daybreak has turned into has kind of proved. Which just shows that you shouldn't have been so greedy, matey. The grass isn't always greener where the fivers are. Thoday added that this risk justified the reportedly seven figure pay packet that Chiles received to move to ITV. 'If you move to ITV there are risks involved so you have to pay a lot of money,' he said. On the topic of pay he added that he believed the BBC's move to cut back on talent spending and cap the salaries for big name stars would end up costing the corporation more in the end. 'They can sustain the policy but personally I think it is to the detriment of [their] TV shows,' he said. 'You only have to see Sky throwing money around. Panel shows paying twenty thousand pounds an appearance and what have you.' He added that when stars left - or executives decided to cut back talent on strong programmes such as The ONE Show - that ultimately the BBC would end up paying more to build new formats. 'The cost of replacing a TV show is far greater than paying artists some more money,' Thoday said. 'I believe in protecting the hit. I find the talent pay thing very frustrating.' He did admit when questioned that the delicate position of the BBC as a licence-fee funded organisation put it in 'a uniquely tricky position' over how it is seen to be spending its income. 'It is difficult for the BBC. They are damned if they do, damned if they don't,' Thoday said.

And so to this week's batch of yer actual Top Telly Tips in the area, dear blog reader:

Friday 2 September
For eleven years My Family - 8:30 BBC1 - has chugged along in the middle of the road, happily buffing its awards but looking neither left nor right at faster, edgier comedies which have come and gone in the blink of an eye and never worrying about the glares from irate TV critics who'd been wanting to overtake it for miles. But tonight finally sees the end of the road, the final episode of the sitcom. Not that you'd know it from the straightforward content - Robert Lindsay recently confirmed that the plug was pulled after the episode had been written and produced. Instead Susan and Janey go on a disastrous hen night, Ben babysits grandson Kenzo and Roger's on a blind date. If the line, 'Anyone here looking for a Roger?' makes you guffaw, you'll enjoy it. My Family worked best when it forgot about any pretensions to being anything other than a joke machine. For the last couple of years it's been, frankly, running on empty and the ratings which were once in the higher seven or eight millions have dropped to less than a repeat of Miranda gets. Whether it will be fondly remembered for decades - like a Dad's Army - or quickly consigned to the dustbin of 'do you remember that sitcom with Robert Lindsay and Zoe Wanamaker in it? Oh, what was it's name again?' time will tell.

Weird, isn't it? On the same night that My Family, BBC1's old-style sitcom about the comic domestic trials of the dysfunctional middle-class Harper family, quietly - and without much fanfare - shuffles off the edge of the cliff, Outnumbered - 9:00 - BBC1's semi-improvisational and much more realistic domestic comedy about the middle-class Brockman family, starts a new - fourth - series. Over the previous three years the show's young stars have honed their adult-baiting antics to perfection, while the weary, defeated or bemused expressions on the faces of Claire Skinner and Hugh Dennis ring ever more true. In tonight's episode, the family are attending Uncle Bob's funeral. 'The important thing to remember is that it's not a sad day,' Sue tries to tell Karen, who very reasonably retorts, 'Well, it is for Uncle Bob!' Ben, meanwhile, insists he's been to a cremation before - except Pete points out that it was actually a hog roast barbecue. Not surprisingly, the vicar (played by dear old luvvie John Sessions) wishes they'd never come.

You can tell PG Wodehouse is a cherished subject for Terry Wogan as he fronts the imaginatively titled tribute Wogan on Wodehouse - 9:00 BBC2. Wodehouse's work rate and exquisite style are lauded by Stephen Fry, Richard Briers (in his garden, reading from The Inimitable Jeeves), Joanna Lumley and Griff Rhys Jones (ie. The Usual Suspects!), as well as numerous biographers and surprise star expert Hanif Kureishi, but Wogan seems as much of a fan as any of them. It's no hagiography - PG's limitations, and his awful error of judgement in agreeing to do radio essays for the Nazis, are covered at length - but a recurrent theme is the sheer pleasure of reading him. There's a good helping of that joy here.

There's a new series of The Million Pound Drop Live - 9:00 Channel Four. Davina McCall presents the quiz show in which contestants can win one million smackers. They are challenged to place large quantities of the cash over trapdoors and face a series of questions, the wrong answers to which will lose them money every time they slip up. Celebrity pairs also compete for their chosen charities during the series.

Saturday 3 September
The latest episode of Doctor Who - 7:00 BBC1 - is called Night Terrors and is written by the usually reliable Mark Gatiss. A child's bedroom is turned into the scariest place in the universe when his cupboard becomes home to every kind of fear imaginable. His parents remain baffled by the problem, so the boy makes a desperate bid for help. When his cries manage to break the barriers of time and space, the Doctor decides to make a house call. Popular family SF adventure, guest starring the great Daniel Mays (sop good in Ashes to Ashes last year), with Matt Smith, Karen Gillan and Arthur Darvill.

In 2005, when Doctor Who returned from its decade-long hiatus, it was placed in the schedules opposite Ant and Dec's Saturday Takeaway. Tonight, the two British cultural institutions go head to head yet again. Red or Black? - 7:00 ITV - is a game show broadcast over seven nights, hosted by the cheeky chappies doon the Bigg Market. Contestants guess the outcomes of a series of challenges for the chance to win one million wonga on the spin of a wheel. Each night, a thousand hopefuls gather at Wembley Arena, before being whittled down to eight in the studio. The show closes with two finalists remaining, one of whom could end the night a millionaire. The results are at 9.15pm. Continues tomorrow, and all week. Keith Telly Topping's prediction, most people will be sick of it by about Wednesday.

If you're one of the couple of hundred thousand viewers who got completely enthralled earlier this year by BBC4's broadcast of the third series of the tense French detective drama Spiral (Engrenages) then you'll be delighted to know that the network are having a catch-up session for those who came late to the party. Tonight sees the start of a four week reshowing of the opening series (first shown in France in 2005 and in the UK the following year) - 9:00 BBC4. The detective drama follows the investigation into a woman's murder. The badly beaten body of a young Romanian woman is discovered on a Parisian rubbish dump. Her identity and past life are gradually uncovered as the various parts of the French justice system investigate her death. However, it becomes apparent that her story ties to a network of corruption touching the very people charged with uncovering the truth about her. A public prosecutor is teamed with a hardened police captain and a magistrate to identify a body found discarded in a skip. As the case unfolds, their investigation uncovers deception and political intrigue. A superb ensemble cast which includes Grégory Fitoussi, Caroline Proust, Philippe Duclos, Thierry Godard, Fred Bianconi and Audrey Fleurot star. Followed immediately by episode two. For those who get hooked - and you will - three further series have been commissioned by Canal + in France.

Sunday 4 September
World's Most Dangerous Roads - 9:00 BBC2 - is a curious conceit. Celebrities undertake journeys on some of the most perilous routes in the world. And they do this, dear blog reader, so that you don't have to. Bless 'em. In Alaska, Sue Perkins and Charley Boorman drive along the notorious Dalton Highway, a dirt track originally constructed in the 1970s as a supply road for the Trans-Alaska oil pipeline. The pair struggle to cope with the Arctic conditions and constant threat of avalanches, but receive help from experienced truckers who teach them some unwritten rules for surviving the road's many hazards. The rules of the road are: keep the CB radio switched on, breaker breaker, don't exceed fifty mph, and when an eighteen-wheel truck comes thundering down the rop roaring  rollercoaster of a road towards you, get out of the way. Personally, I'd like to have seen then trying to do it on motorbikes. Mainly so that I could have written about Sue Perkins with something hot and throbbing between her thighs, admittedly. But, you can't have everything. I mean, where would you keep it?

It's a big night for drama. On one side there's the first of the two part Appropriate Adult - 9:00 ITV. Controversial even before it's been shown - thanks to some scum usual suspect tabloid headlines from people who didn't even bothered to watch the thing before condemning it - this tells the story of how the serial killers Fred and Rosemary West were brought to justice. In 1994 the life of Gloucestershire voluntary worker Janet Leach is turned upside down when she is asked by police to sit in on interviews as an independent safeguard on behalf of a man they have arrested. Within minutes he makes a shocking confession of murder. Lots of them. From then on, Janet is drawn into the centre of the investigation and a complex personal relationship with West, who tells her information about other victims that she cannot pass on to the authorities because of her obligation of confidentiality to him. Starring Emily Watson, Dominic West, Monica Dolan and Robert Glenister.

Meanwhile, over on BBC1 there's a return of the popular period crime drama Inspector George Gently - 8:30. It's (still) 1966 and a schoolgirl's killing brings Gently into the alien world of pop and media celebrity when it turns out the victim's best friend is a rising TV star. Bacchus suspects the dead girl's music teacher, since rumours persist that she was having an affair with him. But when it seems everyone has a different opinion of the girl, Gently must uncover these different faces to get to the truth of her murder. Neil Morrissey (Men Behaving Badly) guest stars in the first of two new stories, with Martin Shaw and Lee Ingleby (last seen in a real gamekeeper-turned-poacher role as a psycho killer in Luther).

Monday 5 September
Tonight sees the final episode of the latest series of New Tricks - 9:00 BBC1 - back in its old Monday slot and, comfortably, the BBC's biggest drama ratings grabber. Some things, it would seem, just get better with age. Tonight, the team investigates the killing of a zookeeper, thought to have been mauled to death by a tiger in 2006. When blood found in the victim's lodgings suggests that he was actually murdered before his body was placed in the big-cat enclosure the case is repoened. However, not all the team members are happy about the new case as Brian's animal rights tendencies come to the fore, bringing him into conflict with the zoo's PR people. Alun Armstrong, Amanda Redman, James Bolam and that nice Mr Waterman who sings the theme song star.

How Facebook Changed the World: The Arab Spring - 9:00 BBC2 - is a two-part documentary in which Mishal Husain explores the story of how revolution spread through the Arab world as the Internet and social media were used as tools to help overthrow leaders. In the first edition, she charts events in Tunisia and Egypt, meeting people who led revolts and examining the video footage captured.

Royal Navy: Submarine Mission - 8:00 Channel Five - is a new documentary series following the crew of hunter-killer class submarine HMS Turbulent. Captain Ryan Ramsey and his one hundred and thirty men prepare for a mission that could see them stay underwater for a hundred days - patrolling the pirate-infested waters surrounding the Horn of Africa. And tossing about in their bunks. As it were. But then the plan changes - the Libyan uprising means the sub has to plot a new course towards Tripoli, where she and the crew will protect civilians caught up in the conflict. On a more personal level, one young able seaman is called to a military tribunal before the captain's table.

Tuesday 6 September
Adopting Abroad: Saira's Story - 9:00 BBC2 is a two part documentary following Apprentice's Saira Khan and her husband Steve as they try to adopt a Pakistani orphan in Karachi. The pair must endure hours of rigorous checks and an eight-month wait before learning whether they will be able to welcome a new child to their family. After appearing before an independent panel, they are finally proved. Forced to leave her young son behind with Steve in Oxford, Saira flies to Pakistan in search of a baby. She has no idea how long she might be away or even if she will be given a baby at all. However, the adoption plans are hampered following the 2010 floods in Pakistan, which left twenty million people homeless. Continues Thursday.

As mentioned previously, with the tenth anniversary of the 9/11 terrorist atrocity we're going to be inundated with programmes about the event which, quite literally, changed the world in the blink of an eye. The Twins of the Twin Towers - 10:35 BBC1 - is a documentary telling the story of people whose twin siblings died in the terrorist attacks on the World Trade Centre on 11 September 2001. Featuring the accounts of Zachary Fletcher, whose fellow firefighter and brother Andre was killed, and Gregory Hoffman, who was on the phone to his twin Stephen when the second plane hit the towers.

Once upon a time, yer actual Keith Telly Topping used to be a punter who could boast that, on an average year, he'd have maybe six or seven of the CD's nominated for the Mercury Music Prize in his collection. Those days are long gone. In Mercury Prize: Live - 10:00 BBC2 - Jools Holland and Wor Luscious Lovely Lauren Laverne present coverage of the ceremony as the winner of this year's award is announced. Metronomy, Everything Everything, Ghostpoet, Anna Calvi, Gwilym Simcock, King Creosote and Jon Hopkins, James Blake, Katy B, Adele, Elbow, Tinie Tempah and PJ Harvey are the twelve acts hoping to succeed 2010 winners the xx, and win the coveted prize for album of the year. Well, at least I've heard of the last four.

In the latest episode of Inside Nature's Giants - 8:00 Channel Four - Mark Evans and Joy Reidenberg travel to Australia to dissect a cassowary, a gigantic bird with a fearsome reputation. The duo explore its elaborate breathing apparatus and investigate the mysteries of the rainforest-dweller's mating call. Also known as 'living dinosaurs,' the creatures can be taller and heavier than a full-grown man, and have five-inch talons that could potentially kill humans.

Wednesday 7 September
Who Do You Think You Are? - 9:00 BBC1 - this week sees Silent Witness actress Emilia Fox tries to find out how far back her family's acting roots go. She also discovers her great-great-grandfather Samson made an important invention in the Nineteenth Century. Born into an impoverished family, he began work at a Leeds textile mill at age eight, but became one of the richest men in Victorian Britain. As the actress's investigations continue, she discovers how her ancestor was involved in a scandal.

There's a fascinating question posed in the latest Horizon - 9:00 BBC2. Are You Good or Evil? In as much as are some people predisposed to be one or the other. An investigation of the work and theories of researchers who have studied psychopathic killers. Professor Jim Fallon talks about how he discovered he had the profile of a psychopath, but explains how the fact he did not become a murderer holds important lessons. Another scientist discusses his belief he has found a molecule related to morality, which is being used by a man to rewrite ideas of crime and punishment.

The origins of Mary Shelley's Gothic novel is examined in Frankenstein: Birth of a Monster - 7:30 BBC4, exploring how the book drew on then cutting-edge scientific developments, radical politics and the author's own turbulent life. Using dramatic reconstructions, the film also explores the importance of the summer the writer and her husband spent with Lord Byron near Lake Geneva at the Maddest English Mad Hatter's tea party of all time. And re-creates Frankenstein's creation as Shelley imagined him - a creature very different from the monster as portrayed by Boris Karloff or Christopher Lee. Narrated by Robert Winston.

Thursday 8 September
Happy Endings - 9:30 E4 - is a new American comedy series about friends who become divided when one of them is jilted at the altar by his bride-to-be. After the wedding fiasco, the group rallies around the groom, while the bride tries to explain her reasons for her actions. Starring Eliza Coupe, 24's Elisha Cuthbert and Zachery Knighton.

As the world is plunged into recession by the Three Families, the Torchwood members find themselves defeated, powerless and wanted - forcing them to strike a bargain with the virry devil himself in Torchwood: Miracle Day - 9:00 BBC1. John Barrowman and Eve Myles star, with a guest appearance from John De Lancie (Star Trek's Q).

In tonight's Coronation Street - 9:00 ITV - Carla is guilt-stricken and decides to visit the hospital, despite Frank's objections, but breaks down when Karl refuses to let her see Stella. Chris sees his chance to spoil Lloyd's surprise date with Cheryl, Sean has bad news for Marcus, and Tommy prepares to come clean about the new girl in Tyrone's life.

After three weeks of nominations, tasks, evictions and Jedward, the nail-biting moment has arrived for the remaining celebrities as Brian Dowling announces which of them has been voted as the public's favourite in Celebrity Big Brother: The Final - 9:30 Channel Five. Be warned, however, Big Brother continues tomorrow, with a fresh set of hopeful members of the public moving in. is there no end to this misery?

And so to the news: Miriam's O'Reilly may have won her age discrimination court case against the BBC. But it appears that she found little sympathy for the plight of older presenters at a TV industry conference on Friday, with broadcasting veteran Nick Ross arguing that he has 'never worked with a minger.' The sixty three-year old former Crimewatch presenter paid somewhat short shrift to O'Reilly's talk of the need for more older female faces on British TV, arguing that being on screen is all about being young and attractive. 'Like it or not, TV is a lookism medium. The fact is that looks are important for boys and for girls,' he said, speaking as part of a panel debate at the Edinburgh International Television Festival. 'In forty years of TV I have never worked with a minger.' Ross, who in 2007 lost his presenting role on Crimewatch after twenty three years amid suggestions his age might have been a factor, said that the 'nature of the business' meant that older performers cannot live in a 'gilded cage' when the industry is awash with youthful talent. He pointed out that he landed his first network TV programme job aged twenty three he took over from a presenter in his 'late sixties.' Earlier this year O'Reilly, fifty three, won an ageism tribunal ruling against the BBC after it sacked her from its flagship rural affairs show, Countryfile. O'Reilly and three fellow female presenters were dropped from the show when Jay Hunt, then the controller of BBC1, moved it to Sunday prime time and hired two thirtysomething presenters in their place. 'The bottom line is we have got to see more older women on TV,' she said. 'They are not being given the opportunity.' However, despite the tribunal ruling O'Reilly found the Edinburgh panel stacked against her with the prevailing argument that broadcasters cannot be held hostage to having to employ older presenters as a result. Former BBC1 controller Lorraine Heggessey, who has helped the careers of older talent bringing back Rolf Harris and choosing Bruce Forsyth to front Strictly Come Dancing, said it would be a 'terrible day for TV' if producers became 'quota driven' and had to tick boxes. 'I worry about the implications and ramifications of the decision,' she added. 'Let's not over-react to this. We have enough forms to fill in at the moment. It will ruin the creativity that makes British TV great.' Heggessey said that she also would not have hired O'Reilly for the new-look Countryfile if she had still been in charge of BBC1. 'All the time in TV decisions are made that are subjective,' she added. 'I wouldn't have put you in prime time, I don't think you are right for it. [Changes] are always the result of a lot of discussion and this thing called gut feeling that something is not right. I don't think it is fair to say I wouldn't support older people on screen. I do understand why the creative people took the decision they did.' O'Reilly pointed out that it was the process the BBC went through – or rather lack of it – that she railed against, not her suitability for the role. 'I wasn't given the opportunity [to apply],' she said. 'If [we] helped make the programme successful enough to move to prime time we should have been considered. We weren't. My career was over in six words: "Her career is mostly radio, no."' Kirsten O'Brien, the former BBC Children's presenter, asked what the tribunal ruling could mean if TV producers became fearful of making changes to older presenting line ups. 'There is a danger people could become frightened to move you on because they are frightened about what happened with Miriam [winning the tribunal ruling],' she said. Of course, from a completely subjective point of view it's worth acknowledging that Miriam's biggest problem was never her age, it was her talent - or lack of it - as her subsequent performances on Crimewatch Roadshow have clearly proved to this viewer at least. Put simply, she's a middle-average regional presenter with, it would seem, delusions of being something more than that. But she probably has a job for life at the BBC now as they're all absolutely terrified of her new bestest friends in all the land at the Daily Scum Mail. So, well done on that score, Miriam you're an inspiration to us all.

As a cosy middle class sitcom Miranda is an unlikely programme to shake the upper echelons of the BBC. But the award-winning Miranda Hart comedy, about to switch from BBC2 to BBC1, prompted discussion by the corporation's most senior executives over a scene involving a penis-shaped chocolate lollipop. Keen to avoid further controversy in the wake of the 'Sachsgate' affair, BBC management undertook a forensic analysis of the episode including whether the confectionery was too realistic and if Hart licked or sucked it. The issue was first raised by BBC2 controller Janice Hadlow and brought to the attention of the then BBC Vision director Jana Bennett – number two to BBC director general Mark Thompson – after the sitcom, which was planned for a post-9pm watershed slot, was moved to pre-watershed. 'We had this hilarious meeting with Janice Hadlow where she said "It's just that the penis is a little bit anatomically correct,"' Hart told the Edinburgh International Television Festival on Saturday. 'We just laughed so much, it was the most bizarre meeting.' The BBC's head of in-house comedy, Mark Freeland, revealed that the topic was raised in a meeting with Bennett amid concern that it broke editorial guidelines and would be unsuitable for a family audience. The scene was eventually re-shot with the lollipop less prominent. 'We had to discuss whether the shot was a lick or a suck,' said Freeland. 'All of us were thinking with all this education [we had] did we really believe this was what we would be doing.' Freeland said the pilot episode of the show also featured a 'pair of comedy titties' which would not have made the cut in a pre-watershed slot. 'The great thing about Miranda is that everyone can watch it,' added Freeland. 'The biggest crime in comedy is an embarrassed family.' Written by and starring Hart, Miranda has been the BBC's most successful new sitcom of recent years with a hatfull of awards and more than four million viewers on BBC2. The third series will debut on BBC1 later this year. Hart said she did not feel any need to change the show despite the switch of channels, but admitted she did feel the pressure to deliver bigger audiences. 'Editorially we don't have to change anything because it is [still] pre-watershed,' said Hart. 'I am trying not to think about what kind of difference it could make because it is just another thing to get nervous about. But you do expect it to get two or three million more viewers. I don't read reviews but I do ask what the ratings are simply because you don't want to go from four million to two million the following week for obvious reasons.'

Peter Fincham has insisted that Simon Cowell's relationship with ITV is not 'temperamental.' ITV's director of television told journalists at the Edinburgh TV Festival that the broadcaster's relationship with The X Factor supremo is 'enormously fruitful.' Long before Cowell's departure from his on-screen role on the talent show, tabloid reports suggested that the music mogul was 'at war' with ITV. However, Fincham has said: 'Simon was in the semi-finals of Britain's Got Talent. Our relationship with him is an enormously fruitful one and will continue to be so. It's not just Simon on screen, it's Simon in different disguises. We're delighted with [this year's] X Factor launch. He's really not a temperamental character. We just had the joint biggest launch we've ever had. He's delighted about it. He doesn't need to sit on the panel.'

The television industry is 'quite corrupt' in the way it deals with people who take part in reality shows, according to a Channel Four commissioning executive. Tina Flintoff, the Channel Four features commissioning editor, said that while TV is 'more honest that it's ever been' in some areas, 'there's no point denying it's not a corrupt business. Television is quite corrupt and we are all guilty of it,' Flintoff added. Her comments came during a session on reality television and exploitation at the Edinburgh International Television Festival. Flintoff and other panellists explored the legal and ethical decisions behind observational documentaries and structured reality shows such as ITV2's The Only Way is Essex and Channel Four's Made in Chelsea. Presented with a hypothetical observational documentary about a circus family called the Murdochs and a series of dilemmas and interventions by panellists posing as reckless producers, Flintoff was asked by Channel Four director of creative diversity Stuart Cosgrove how far she would push ethical and legal boundaries to ensure a hit show. When asked about using sex scenes filmed by hidden cameras in bedrooms, which feature in MTV's Jersey Shore, she said that 'as long as everyone is aware' the cameras were there, 'that's absolutely fine.' Discussing whether or not sex sells, Flintoff added: 'Yes, very much. The Only Way is Essex and My Big Fat Gypsy Wedding without love stories, sexy girls and boobs would not have rated as well.' BBC commissioning editor Harry Lansdown said that many documentaries from TV's early years were 'exploitative' in the way they dealt with and portrayed contributors. 'We are more honest than ten years ago. Shows like The Only Way is Essex have helped,' Lansdown added. Channel Four lawyer Dominic Harrison said producers and commissioners 'have to educate themselves' about legal boundaries and be honest with participants. 'Some people love entertainment confections but it's about letting the audience know what they are getting,' Harrison said.

Lord Snooty Julian Fellowes has claimed that the BBC would have ruined the popular period drama Donwton Abbey. The Oscar-winning scriptwriter praised ITV for resisting the temptation to meddle with the show and allowing him to fully execute his vision. 'ITV wanted us to make our own show. That wouldn't have happened at the BBC,' he told the Mirra who, of course, brown-tongued that into an agenda-soaked headline. 'So I raise a glass to ITV.' Fellowes went on to describe Downton Abbey as 'a posh soap opera,' making comparisons with one of ITV's other highly-rated serial dramas. 'I live for Corrie,' he confessed. 'Like them, we tell endless stories about people to whom things happen until the audience doesn't want to see them any more.'

Sherrie Hewson is to join ITV sitcom Benidorm show 'insiders ' have allegedly suggested. The actress and presenter is best know these days as one of the regular gossips on Loose Women however in the 1970s and 80s Hewson was a regular in comedy programmes including the BBC's Russ Abbott sketch shows. She also formed a popular comic double act with Ken Morley as Reg and Maureen Holdsworth in Coronation Street during the 1990s. Now, building on Sherrie's comic past, hit comedy drama Benidorm is rumoured to have hired her to appear as a new forthright hotel manager named Joyce Temple-Savage in the next series. 'I have watched and loved it from the very beginning,' she said of the show in a statement, adding, 'My character is so brilliantly written that I can’t wait to start filming.'

On Thursday afternoon, Libyan rebels were filmed chanting 'Sky News, Sky News' during Alex Crawford's live report, fifty miles from Colonel Gaddafi compound in Tripoli. 'They like Sky News, Kay,' said Crawford sounding as surprised as everyone in this country at this revelation.
Poor deluded Arabs. See, that's what forty years of living in a repressive society gets you - a low quality threshold.

The family of the late actor Pete Postlethwaite have attended a ceremony to name a drama studio in his honour. The star's widow Jacqueline Morrish and son William were among the family members at the Postlethwaite Studio in the Pyramid Arts Centre in Warrington. Mrs Morrish said: 'I understand why he means so much to everybody in Warrington and I think it's lovely.' The Brassed Off actor was born and grew up in the Cheshire town. He died of cancer in January at the age of sixty four. Postlethwaite was nominated for an Oscar in 1993 for his role in In the Name of the Father and is also remembered for films including The Usual Suspects and Jurassic Park. Postlethwaite's cousin Joe Lawless, a headteacher, recalled how the actor would take a string of co-stars to his mother's house in Warrington for Sunday lunch because he was proud of his roots in the town. Lawless said: 'I could give you a roll of honour of all the people who had Pete's mum's Sunday roast.' He added: 'He was determined, he was articulate, he was driven for perfection but he was also a very affectionate, a very loving, a very polite and kind person.' The studio in the council-run arts centre is used for training, therapy and rehearsals in the arts. Warrington Borough Council leader Terry O'Neill said it would help young performers. 'If we can put something in place where we can remember Pete and give a chance for local kids to do what Pete did, they may go on to great things,' he said.

For today's Keith Telly Topping's 45 of the Day we have a staggeringly loud behemoth slap of stoned sonic-groove fourth generation Merseybeat from Apollo Four Forty. Get down and dirty, baby.